The Journey of Grief

We recently came across a message that Floyd preached in a church in Gauteng here in South Africa 10 years ago.  It's called "Writing Your Own Spiritual Will."  It's about 35 minutes long.  Floyd recounts our family finding something his dad had written.  We found it after he had passed away.  In it, Dad shares about the spiritual will he wanted to pass on to his children - and he affirms each child and grandchild.  It was very special to find this.  Floyd then challenges us about the legacy we are each leaving.  It's a special sermon.

I loved hearing Floyd preach!  He had a wonderful anointing for preaching and teaching.  I'm sorry we've lost that, but grateful we have videos like this that can keep sharing his voice.  

It was a good reminder of the legacy we leave - all of us.  We leave a legacy of pointing people to Jesus - or of pointing them to other things.  As followers of Jesus, we should be pointing the way to Him through our words, our actions, our daily lives, our choices.  I've made a fresh commitment in my heart to try and leave a "Jesus legacy."   

"Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me."  John 14:6 

"In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."  Matthew 5:16

Listening to Floyd's message was emotional for me though - sweet, tender, and tearful.  Grief rose up in my heart again - it does that fairly often anyway.  But seeing his face, hearing his voice, listening to him preaching - it emphasized the loss.

I had been rereading some of my old updates - all the way back to 2018.  I found a quote from another sermon of Floyd's - "Grieve Well to Grow Well."  These words spoke to my heart:

"Nothing can prepare us for the loss of a loved one.  And nothing can prepare us for the grief that follows.  Grief is part of the healing process that we need, but it's also very painful to walk through.  There's no set timetable for it.  We each have to walk through it in the way that we need.  It's the method God uses to cleanse our heart from the anguish, and bring us back to a place of wholeness.  It's part of the journey we embark on when we lose a loved one, or lose something precious to us."

It felt like Floyd was speaking right to my heart.  And there is a powerful truth there. Grief IS God's gift to us to heal us.  The journey of grieving - for whatever we have lost - is a special journey of healing to bring us back to wholeness.  I'm on that journey - and I would guess that many of you are too. 

It was helpful to be encouraged once again that God understands grief, and that He uses it to bring healing to our hearts.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."  Matthew 5:4 

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

"Jesus wept."  John 11:35

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  Psalm 147:3

There's no timetable for grief, but there are an abundance of promises that God will meet us, help us, and heal us.  A friend signed off his email to me with this phrase - "peace in every heartbeat."  I love that!  I think that's what the Lord gives us when we are grieving.

If you would like to listen to Floyd’s message you can find it under Resources on our home page. 

Our Firm Rock and Foundation

I recently heard something that I hadn't known.  Not too long before he got sick, Floyd was traveling and spent time with a couple.  He shared with them that God had been challenging him to give me to Him.  They assumed it had to do with my cancer battle.  It was only later after all that happened that they wondered if it related to Floyd giving me to the Lord when he could no longer take care of me - while I battled cancer and he lay in a hospital bed.  It was one more example of how the Lord knew what was coming and was paving the way for our unexpected journey.  I can't help but think that it must have comforted Floyd's heart during those days to know he had already committed me to the capable hands of the Lord.

God is such a wonderful God of details!  He oversees and is involved in everything in our lives.  Recently I've had some big things to take to Him - and also lots of small things.....things that may seem inconsequential, but things that are still part of life.  God is never too busy, too tired, or too overwhelmed to be involved in all the details of our lives.  Nothing is too big or too small for His attention.

That gives me such confidence and security as I continue on my journey.  There are times when I miss being able to talk and process things with Floyd.  I'm so grateful that I can pour out my heart to the Lord - knowing He's listening and that He'll help me with what I'm facing.  He "neither slumbers nor sleeps" - He's always ready to hear my heart!

"The Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary."  Isaiah 40:28

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms."  Deuteronomy 33:27

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.' "  Isaiah 41:13

"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."  Psalm 5:3

Our awesome God is concerned about every single detail of our lives.  I'm so grateful for that!

This has been an important week for me.  It was "check up" time.  It's always a bit nerve racking as I wait to see what the verdict is for my condition.  I have a tumor that couldn't be removed in the big surgery in November 2020.  To do so would have irreparably damaged several nearby organs.  So I know I'll always have cancer unless there's a healing miracle.  I would love to hear the words "cancer free" - but I was grateful when I heard the words "the tumor hasn't grown."  That is wonderful news!

After being so frail when I came home from the six weeks in the hospital after my surgery, I worked all last year to try and rebuild my health and strength.  The doctor feels I'm doing very well.  When I had my original diagnosis, the doctor didn't think I'd make it for even 2 years.  This coming June will be 8 years.  I know God's hand has been upon me.  I am so thankful. 

I was recently praying about something and this phrase came so clearly to mind - "when one door closes, God opens another."  I guess I've had a number of closed doors in recent years, but I know God has plans and purposes for my future.  My own strength is limited, but God's grace and strength is abundant.  I will walk through the open doors He has for me.

It's so important for us to remember this in whatever we are walking through.  Until the day He takes us home to heaven, He will always have "open doors" for us.  He has good things in store for us always - even in the midst of a pandemic, in unusual weather events, in uncertain things all around us, in sickness, in loss, and in any difficult situation we are facing.  He is our firm Rock and foundation!  His hand is upon us.  In whatever we face, our hard time isn't meant to break us but to bend us ever more closely into our loving God who has good things in store for us!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"Perhaps you were born for such a time as this."  Esther 4:14

"The plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations."  Psalm 33:11

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you."  Psalm 32:8

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5,6

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him."  Romans 8:28

If I had to figure out everything in my life on my own, I'd be so overwhelmed and lost in knowing what to do.  I'm so grateful for God's wisdom in showing me the "doors" I'm to walk through.  He is a wonderful guide.  My heart is full of love and thankfulness. 

Still Upright

This week there were days when there was a lot going on, and my thoughts were all over the place.  The one thing that kept coming clearly to me, though, is that Jesus is right beside me.  He's not off in the distance somewhere - He's right with me!  How grateful I am for the assurance of that.  How grateful I am for His abiding presence!

"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel....But as for me, it is good to be near God.  I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."  Psalm 73:23, 28

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."  2 Corinthians 4:7-9

I am still processing moving into a new year!  I came across the photo and caption that I share above.  I have to say that I laughed so hard when I saw it......and I kinda identify with that chicken!  I feel a bit "singed" and like pieces of me have been torn off.  But I'm still upright and walking tall with the Lord's help!  I am choosing to leave behind all that happened last year, and in the previous years.  I'm remembering God's faithfulness and blessings - but putting behind the difficulties, disappointments, and sorrows.  

"Forgetting those things which are behind....I press toward the goal."  Philippians 3:13,14

I am focusing my mind on Jesus and thinking about the good things in my life.  There is so much discouragement in the news, in what is happening around us. I continually bring my mind back to the promises of God, to the testimonies of His faithfulness.  That is what brings me life and hope.

In the stress of this past week and feeling overwhelmed and weak I sat and poured my heart out to the Lord.  The thing that kept coming to me is that the promises of God haven't changed or wavered.  They are the solid Rock upon which I stand.  They are what I hold onto.  They are what I claim as I move into this new year.

"Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus!"  Hebrews 3:1

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."  Philippians 4:8

I am leaning on those wonderful everlasting arms as I move into the new year.  God has faithfully carried me on our unexpected journey all these years - and I'm trusting Him to continue as I journey alone.  His strength and grace is absolutely limitless.  I can rely on Him to keep me from falling as I lean into Him.

"I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38,39

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8 

"Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job.  Instead, be glad that you are in the thick of what Christ experienced.  This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner."  1 Peter 4:12,13  The Message

I'm so grateful for God's goodness and faithfulness - His steadfastness!

Faith Isn't Born in a Day

I wish you a blessed, happy New Year!  I sent a greeting to some friends and family - "Our hope is not in the new year, but in the One who makes all things new."  That is my hope, prayer, belief, and firm foundation that I'm standing on as I move into 2022.  My hope is in Him.

December was quite the month!  I was doing my best to enter into the season and celebrate all that it means.  I was continuing to grieve the loss of my dear husband.  I was having to pay daily attention to the treatment for my ongoing cancer battle.  I was doing my best to be careful with Covid Omicron raging all around.  And my home was threatened by 2 fires.  It was definitely a dramatic closure to 2021!  

As I processed my heart during this time, a family member mentioned that it was hard to close out the last year that Floyd was in.  It seems that every direction I look, I see things to "miss" about him.  I'm sure that will keep happening for a while.  One day when I was feeling particularly sad, the Lord reminded me of the verse "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."  Jesus understands my sorrow.  That brought strength to my heart.  

Grieving is an unusual thing.  It hasn't been like I thought it would be, but God has been walking with me through the grief.  I think for a long time I was just needing to survive and endure all that was happening.  Now that Floyd is gone and I no longer need to care for him, I think my heart and emotions are fully feeling the grief and loss. 

I am truly hoping that 2022 will be a turning point into a better direction!  Someone in our family said we have 365 new mercies we can count on in this new year.  I like that!  His mercies are new every morning.

Some days I feel weary, and feel like I can't handle much more.....but I'm grateful to know that God will never give us more than we can bear.  Jesus is right with me, and is helping me day by day.  I stand on and rest in His faithfulness.  He has been with me each step of our long unexpected journey, and He hasn't gone on vacation.  I am continuing to  hold tight to His hand.

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!"  Psalm 27:14

"He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him."  Psalm 91:15

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."  1 Corinthians 10:13

"Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

I am so very grateful for the strong foundation of the Word that assures me/us that He will be with us for everything we face!  Those verses are lifelines when the storm rages around us.

In one of my times with the Lord this week, I was reflecting on a verse in Genesis 22:8 about Abraham where he said to Isaac "My son, God will provide for Himself the lamb."

I stopped to think about what faith it took for Abraham to say that.  God asked him to sacrifice his son on the altar.  He moved forward in obedience, and yet he knew God was going to provide a sacrifice.  Faith like that of Abraham isn't born in a day.  It was the result of years of walking with God and seeing His faithfulness.  He had a firm foundation in his relationship with God in order to believe God would provide that day.

It reminded me of a book I read about 3 years ago in the midst of our unexpected journey.  A friend gave it to me, and I felt drawn immediately to read it.  I actually read it more than once.  Anonymous - Jesus' hidden years and yours by Alicia Britt Chole.  It probably impacted me more than any other book I read on our journey.

The message of the book is that God took the first 30 years of Jesus' life to prepare His Son for the 3 years of active ministry.  The 30 years weren't wasted. They weren't a time of just hanging in limbo waiting.  They were crucial preparation for what was to come. "The decisions we make in difficult places today are greatly the product of decisions we made in the unseen places of our yesterdays."

Reading the book prompted me to look back over my life before the years on our unexpected journey.  I could see time and time again how God had taught me, guided me, and prepared me for what I was walking through.  He didn't just throw me into the deep end.  Lesson by lesson He taught me to swim - first in shallow water, then in deep water, and then in stormy, treacherous waters.  He was so faithful!  "Trials do not prepare us for what's to come as much as they reveal what we've done with our lives up to this point." 

I have had a newfound gratefulness for God's faithfulness.  He took the first 68 years of my life to get me ready for the hardest thing I'd ever walk through.  I couldn't have made it without that preparation.  Lessons that began all the way back to my childhood helped prepare me for what I've walked through, and am still walking through, on our journey.  How good God is!!

"The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness."  2 Peter 3:9

"But as for me, I will look to the Lord.  I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

"The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him."  Lamentations 3:25

"If God's presence has led us into trying places, is there really any other place we would rather be?"   When I face a new hard time, I try to remember this - I'm just where He's allowed me to be.  And I can trust His goodness and faithfulness in knowing He has prepared me for where I am.  Oh how grateful I am for that! 

Christmas Heroes

Last Thursday night we had a huge fire.  A flare ignited some dry grass nearby, and the fire spread with unbelievable speed because we had howling winds raging that night.  Thirty minutes after the fire started, I received a call from my neighbor saying maybe I should pack up papers and valuables, and then he started hosing down my roof.  My home was already filling up with smoke - my eyes were burning and I was coughing.  My son came to help me load things up, and I went to stay where he lives for the night.

As I drove out of our village, I pulled over to look back.  I was shocked at how huge the fire was and how fast it was moving.  I wondered if I'd ever see my home again.  The firemen were heroic!  I'm only 8 homes in from where the edge of the fire was so it was CLOSE!  

I was so very grateful to return to my home the next morning.  I’m so grateful for my neighbor, the firemen, and guardian angels watching over me!  I've been cleaning up ash both inside and out, and trying to get rid of the smoke smell - but I still have a home!! 

It was definitely a scary experience, but the one thing that was really precious was that in the midst of it, I had peace.  I didn't know what the morning would bring, but my heart wasn't frantic - it was at peace.  I have thanked the Lord so much for that.

This past week in my meditating on the Christmas characters, I've been thinking about Joseph and Mary.  Joseph is kind of the quiet hero of the Christmas story.  Joseph and Mary were engaged to be married, but, before that happened, Mary became pregnant.  This was scandalous in their culture.  Being the good man that he was, he was just going to quietly break things off in order to not shame her.  But an angel appeared to Joseph in a dream, and told him that Mary had conceived by the Holy Spirit.  Now that's a pretty tall tale to believe!  But dear Joseph believed what had been revealed to him, and went ahead with marrying Mary.

I have such admiration for Joseph.  By going ahead and marrying Mary, I'm sure there must have been some whispering and talking about all this.  He probably had to bear some shame himself.  From all we know about him, he seems to have been a gentle, kind, Godly man.  The whole Christmas story - the whole story of Jesus' birth - could have been so very different if Joseph hadn't given heed to what the angel told him in his dream.  In many ways, Joseph "saved the day!"  He's definitely a hero!  

"Now the birth of Jesus Christ happened like this.  His mother Mary had been engaged to Joseph, and before they came together, she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit.  And Joseph, her husband, being a righteous man, and not willing to make her a public example, intended to put her away secretly.

But when he thought about these things, look, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, "Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to yourself Mary, your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit.  And she will bring forth a son, and you are to name Him Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins."

And Joseph arose from his sleep, and did as the angel of the Lord commanded him, and took his wife to himself; and had no marital relations with her until she had brought forth a son; and he named Him Jesus."

Matthew 1:18-25

Thank goodness for this quiet hero!

But Mary is my favorite character.

She was quite young, probably 14-16 years of age, and engaged to be married.  She and Joseph were most likely quite poor - they were "normal" folks, not of the elite, wealthy or religious community.  It must have seemed very strange to Mary for an angel to appear to her - and even more strange the message that he gave her....that she would bear the Messiah. 

Nothing is said about her parents, which seems unusual.  In fact, she went to see her cousin Elizabeth to talk about all this because the angel had also told her that Elizabeth would bear a son even though she was old.  Nothing was impossible with God!   

Several things stand out to me about Mary:

- She didn't argue with the angel about how ridiculous this all was, she simply asked how is it possible since I'm a virgin?

- Once the angel explained that the Holy Spirit had come upon her, she accepted what the angel told her.

-  She was quick in her response and willing to obey what the angel said.

Her response of quick/immediate acceptance and obedience is something I greatly admire.  I have to admit that I am sometimes slower in my responses to God.  My practical mind wants to think everything through first.  Mary didn't hesitate - "See the handmaid of the Lord; be it to me according to your word." Luke 1:38  She accepted and obeyed.

I can only assume by all this that Mary's heart was so attuned to the Lord that it was her natural response to hear and obey.  It shows me that she walked in relationship with the Lord, even at her young age.  She was chosen among all the possible candidates to be the mother of the Messiah.  Her heart was ready.  That's my "takeaway" from studying Mary - I want to be so close to the Lord that I can hear His voice speak to me and be ready to obey.  I'm working on that!

I love Mary's prayer of response:

“My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
to Abraham and his descendants forever,
just as he promised our ancestors.”

Luke 1:46-55

Her prayer of magnifying God has been known through the ages all over the world!  I am so grateful for her example.

I’m also so grateful for a sweet gift I received this Christmas from my daughter.  It has touched my tender heart!  She took Floyd's signature of love to me and had it imprinted on a small heart plate.  Every time I look at it, I'm reminded of Floyd's love for me.  In this season of grieving Floyd's passing, it is a precious reminder - in his own writing - of his love. I can't think of anything more special to receive as a gift this Christmas.  I share a photo of it above.

"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given."  Isaiah 9:6  Whatever you are facing and going through this Christmas - remember that Jesus has come near to us.  The obedience of a young Jewish woman named Mary helped pave the way for our wonderful Savior to identify with us in anything we walk through.  He understands, and He is with us!

I pray for a blessed Christmas for each of you! 

He Makes the Season Wonderful

Someone recently shared a sweet testimony with me.  In an older version of our book "Living on the Devil's Doorstep," there was a form that could be filled in to be sent to our ministry in Amsterdam.  I don't even remember that!  You could ask for information, volunteer, or whatever.  

Well for some reason, no idea how, our book has made it into a number of prison libraries.  And prisoners have written to the address asking for Bibles, study materials, etc.  Some have shared how they came to know Jesus in prison.  The person receiving these requests has been putting them in contact with ministries near to the prison who have been following up with each one.

It's quite remarkable how these books have gone all over the world in such an unusual way, and God has used them to impact lives.....even in prisons.  Floyd would be so touched to hear these testimonies.  I love how God works!

In my studying this month of the characters in the Christmas story, this week I was drawn to Zechariah.  He was a priest, married to Elizabeth, and they were both known to be good, righteous people.  They were advanced in years, and had never had a child.  An angel appeared to him and told him his wife would bear a child.  Zechariah was fearful, and what he was hearing seemed preposterous because his wife was old!  He questioned the angel about it because it seemed so unbelievable.  The angel told him he would be mute, unable to speak, until the baby's birth because of his unbelief. 

My oh my - did I ever identify with this dear man!  I am practical, very black and white in my thinking......I can so understand how Zechariah would have found it hard to believe what the angel was saying.  They were both old, and his wife had been barren all her life.  I can only imagine how they had longed for a child.  Now they were of an age when it seemed absolutely impossible, and the angel says they are going to have a baby.  I'm quite sure I would have questioned the angel too!  How can this possibly be??

I guess what I learned from Zechariah is that I need to not be limited by my own personality and way of thinking.  I need to be willing to step out of my comfort zone and believe the word of the Lord when it comes.  I pray for wisdom and grace to be able to do that when I need to.  I know it will be challenging.

"There was in the days of Herod, the king of Judea, a certain priest named Zechariah, of the division of Abijah.  He had a wife of the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth.  They were both righteous before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord.  But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and they both were well advanced in years.

Now it happened, while he was performing the priest's office before God...an angel of the Lord appeared to him...the angel said to him, "Do not be afraid, Zechariah, because your request has been heard, and your wife, Elizabeth, will bear you a son.

Zechariah said to the angel, "How can I be sure of this?  For I am an old man, and my wife is well advanced in years."  The angel answered him, 'I am Gabriel, who stands in the presence of God.  I was sent to speak to you, and to bring you this good news.  And look, you will be silent and not able to speak, until the day that these things will happen, because you did not believe my words.' "  Luke 1:5 - 25

One of the things I love about the Bible, it doesn't just tell us about "perfect" people.  It lets us see their humanness and weaknesses......so I/we can identify with them!

This is a tender month for me.  Floyd wasn't home with me the last 5 years, but I always went to the hospital and shared the season with him in various ways.  This year I can't do that.  I am missing him profoundly.

Before the Christmas season started, I made the decision that I was going to enjoy the season - letting tender memories come when needed, and rejoicing in the fact that Floyd is with Jesus who we are celebrating.  Sharing my reflections on the Christmas characters has helped me along the way and I have so appreciated the words of love and encouragement I've received from so many who have read what I've shared.  I'm so grateful! 

A couple weeks ago a friend sent me a song - "Wonderful" by CAIN with Steven Curtis Chapman.  It has been resonating in my heart about who Jesus is to us in coming so long ago.  The prophecy from Isaiah 9:6 was fulfilled in the manger in Bethlehem.  "For a child is born to us, a Son is given to us.  The government will rest on His shoulders.  And He will be called:  Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

One of the refrains from the song has been blessing my heart:

So let these gifts remind us
How Love came down to find us
Wonder of the ages
The life, the truth, the way
He is our
Wonderful
Counselor
The Mighty God, The Prince of Peace
Who’s strong enough to carry me
Immanuel
God with us
The One who’s love will never end
Oh, Jesus you can make this season Wonderful

Jesus has been making my season wonderful in spite of loss and sadness.  He carries my grief, and He ministers to my heart.  He is truly the One who can make our season Wonderful - whatever we are facing.  He is Immanuel - He's with us!  I'm so grateful.

We have lots of family Christmas photos taken through the years - because our family always loved to celebrate Christmas!  One of my favorite photos is of "Floyd Lee," as his mother called him.  She gave me this photo that I have shared above.  I framed it and usually put it out at Christmas.  We worked out that he's about 5 years old - look at those long legs he already had!!  And he already had the sweet smile he's known for. 

Even though I miss Floyd so much, I'm rejoicing in our Wonderful Savior!  I'm so thankful that Jesus came.

Courage, Belief and Obedience

One of the things I like to do in the weeks leading up to Christmas is look at all the characters of the Christmas story.  I enjoy studying each one, and seeing what I can learn from them.  There's always something new and fresh that comes to my attention.

This last week I've been thinking about the shepherds.  Shepherds were kinda low down the list in society.  They were simple men, usually uneducated - but they were thought to be diligent and faithful to their flock.  They had a hard life, living out in the fields in all kinds of weather.  But they just did their jobs. 

I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like for them to have first an angel appear to them - and then a whole host of angels filling the sky and proclaiming the birth of Jesus.  The Bible says they were afraid - I mean, who wouldn't be?!  But then they talked among themselves, and decided to go see this baby they were told about. 

Two things stand out to me.  First of all, their courage in spite of their fear.  They were fearful, but they responded with courage.  Our natural response to things is oftentimes fear - but then we can collect ourselves and be courageous.  These simple men showed us that so clearly.

The second thing that stood out to me is their obedience.  They didn't have to go see the baby.  They could have just talked among themselves about what they'd seen.  Or they could have just told others about it without going themselves.  But they believed what they'd been told, and they obediently went to see the baby Jesus.  The Bible even says that they went with haste - they didn't waste time in obeying.

I hope and pray that when I'm faced with something unknown and overwhelming that I will respond with courage, belief, and obedience - and respond quickly.  I'm a simple person, and I love the example of the simple shepherds of the field.  In spite of their simplicity, God saw them as important and included them in the Christmas story.  

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.  An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is the Messiah, the Lord.  This will be a sign to you:  You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."  Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom His favor rests."  When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."  So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger."  Luke 2:8-16

I have a sweet Christmas decoration of the nativity scene.  Some years ago our daughter and her family came to spend Christmas with us here in South Africa.  Floyd, our daughter, and grandkids went Christmas shopping.  They bought me this lovely nativity collection.  It's hand done, hand painted by an artist from Zimbabwe.  It's very special to me.  We don't know how many of the shepherds went to see the baby Jesus, but two of them are represented here.  I have posted a picture of it above.

I pray that whatever challenge I'm presented with that I'll respond as well as the shepherds did!

The other characters I’ve been reflecting on besides the shepherds that came to visit Jesus, are the wise men.  I've been thinking a lot about them.  Their situation was quite different to the shepherds.  No angels came to announce the birth of Jesus to the wise men - they simply saw a star which they felt heralded His birth.  To me, that takes a lot of faith, a lot of believing to just follow a star that they saw.  That's pretty amazing.

We don't know exactly where they came from - there's a list of possibilities.  What we do know is that they traveled a long way.  It wasn't a quick weekend trip.  It took them a long time.  No motels along the way, so it was a hard journey of camping in fields as they traveled.  But their belief in the star they had seen was strong.  They persevered.

The other thing that impressed me was their sensitivity to the voice of the Lord.  They were warned in a dream to return a different way, avoiding seeing King Herod again.  God doesn't speak to me often in dreams - I've had a few times when that happened, but it's not a regular occurance.  But the wise men realized God was speaking to them, they heard the message clearly, and they obeyed.  This tells me that their hearts were attuned to the voice of the Lord.  They recognized it, and were quick to obey.  We don't know a lot about these wise men, but I think we can see that they were men of God who knew and followed His leadings.

My takeaway from these wise men is that I want to believe what God shows me, and hold fast to it even if it takes a long time or takes me down rough paths.  And I want to be sensitive to His voice when He speaks to me - however He chooses to speak to me.  I want my spiritual antenna to be tuned into His voice!

I don't want to be distracted by the voice of others or be pressured to do what they think is right.  I want to clearly hear God's voice speak to my heart.

"Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, look, wise men from the east came to Jerusalem, saying, 'Where is He who is born King of the Jews?  For we saw His star in the east, and have come to worship Him.' " 

"The star which they saw in the east went before them, until it came and stood over where the young child was.  And when they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceedingly great joy.  And they came into the house and saw the young child with Mary, His mother, and they fell down and worshiped Him.  Then, opening their treasures, they offered gifts to Him:  gold, frankincense, and myrrh.  Being warned in a dream that they should not return to Herod, they went back to their own country another way."  Matthew 2:1, 9-12

The wise men believed the sign the Lord gave them and set out to obey in finding Jesus.  I want to believe in the words and signs that God puts on my heart.  

I pray God would speak sweet words and lessons into all our hearts in this Christmas season.  May you enjoy the season!

Hope Wins

In our pandemic world, it seems that there are continually things that come along that bring some doom and gloom.  We have to be so careful not to focus on them.  In fact, have you ever been in a totally dark place and seen how a tiny ray of light (like a small flashlight) begins to dispel the darkness?  It's quite amazing.  Something so small and seemingly lacking in power can begin to have a huge impact.

Hope is like that!  In the midst of "dark" things in our lives, hope can win over darkness.  Our hope in God by proclaiming who He is in our situations wins every time!  The Psalmist David understood this.  Over and over again he proclaimed "hope in God."  He challenged his downcast spirit and reminded himself of the power of hope.

So many times in recent years as I faced Floyd's situation and my illness - which both brought about so many weights......I would just speak out my hope that God was with me.  Inevitably that simple act lightened the load....lifted my spirit....and gave me fresh strength.  There is power in hoping in God and proclaiming who He is.  When we are without power because of our weakened situation, God will meet us as we hope in Him.

The "ray of light" of hope is a powerful tool God has put into our hands.  I'm putting it to good use daily! 

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing."  Romans 15:13

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God."  Psalm 43:5

"As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more."  Psalm 71:14

"And hope does not put us to shame."  Romans 5:5

"The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love."  Psalm 147:11

I've been expressing my thankfulness this week, and proclaiming my hope in the God who is so very faithful.  My spirit is lifted with every expression and proclamation.  Such wonderful "tools" God has given us.

I can't believe we are a month away from bidding goodbye to 2021.  Where has the year gone?  It seems to have flown by.  I used to think that only old people said things like that, but now my grandchildren say the same thing.  Life is going by quickly.

Christmas is rapidly approaching.  It's always been my favorite season of the year.  I have lots of special memories from Christmases past!  This past weekend I put out all my Christmas decorations.  I didn't do a tree this year as it was just too much work, but I wanted to make the house look festive - especially since I'm here all the time.  (I've been on restricted isolation for almost 21 months now.)  The decorations look fun and very Christmasy.  I smile every time I look at them.  It's a wonderful change.

One of the decorations is a little white wood tree that was made by local craftsmen (you can see it in the picture above).  I decorated it and took it each Christmas to share with Floyd in his hospital room.  I wanted him to have a touch of Christmas!  Every time I look at this little tree, I think of my dear husband.  He always celebrated Christmas in very special ways with me and with our family.  I miss him this year, but I'm grateful for all the sweet memories.

I have already been playing Christmas carols, singing along - and thanking the Lord that He sent His Son to us!  I am so grateful for that.  Immanuel, God with us.  Such a joy to celebrate that!  I recently learned that in the Old Testament it was spelled Emmanuel - and Immanuel in the New Testament.  But whichever way you spell it, the point is that He came - how wonderful it is that He is with us!

" 'Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call His name Immanuel' (which means God with us.)"  Matthew 1:23

I am so very thankful that God is with us!  I could never have survived otherwise.  I celebrate Immanuel this Christmas.  And I pray you will sense Him with you in special ways during this Christmas season. 

Faithful Through the Seasons

One day this past week had some special meaning for me.  I'd asked the Lord for a gift to my heart that day.  By dinner time nothing unusual had happened.  As I ate my evening meal, I thanked the Lord for a "good" day.  Anytime I have a good day, it's a gift and I was very grateful.

Then suddenly we had a massive rain/hail storm hit.  We'd had rain off and on all day.  As the rain/hail hit, I realized the sun was still shining brightly......and I knew there would probably be a rainbow.  I hurried outside to look - and, wow!  There was a full arc, brilliant, double rainbow in the sky.  It was gorgeous.  From my vantage point I could see the whole arc.  My-oh-my, because rainbows are meaningful to me - this was a perfect gift for my heart!!!  I would have been blessed by a tiny snippet of a rainbow, but this one was over-the-top!  I stopped and had a good time of worship in thanking the Lord.

We all go through different seasons in our lives.  I, as much as anyone, am so aware of that.  My life has changed "seasons" in every way imaginable in recent years.  With Floyd's passing, I am in a huge new season of my life.

While every season change brings about a new path in my walk with the Lord, one thing never changes and that is His faithfulness.  In every changing season He continues to give me sweet gifts as a reminder of His love and goodness.  I’m so so grateful. 

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven."  Ecclesiastes 3:1 

"For behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone.  The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.  The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance.  Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away."  Song of Solomon 2:11-13 

I've been asked repeatedly during this last season what the most important thing is that I’ve learned on our unexpected journey. 

That's a hard question because I learned so many things!  I could make a long list of all the lessons I've learned.  I've thought about this question a lot because I've been asked it so often.  I guess it boils down to learning that His grace really is sufficient for every need we face.

When it says in 2 Corinthians 12:9 that His grace is sufficient for us and that His power is made perfect in our weakness - it's not just a comforting phrase.  It is one of the most profound statements in the Bible!  It is our lifeline for everything we walk through in life.  It is what enables us to go through any and every difficult experience we face in life.  In the last few years I have faced countless experiences of weakness … literally hundreds of them.  Some were breathtakingly powerful!  I wondered if I could survive them.  Many of them came out of nowhere and shocked me with their impact in my life.  "Weakness" hardly describes what I felt.

We are continually asking God for His help with something.  We ask for His anointing, or His strength to get through … and yet He's already promised it to us.  We don't have to reach for it or beg for it - it's there as a promise in His Word.  All we have to do is receive it.  And His help is completely, 100 percent sufficient.  It's enough!  More than enough.  Whatever it is we're facing - sickness, death, financial needs, conflict, spiritual warfare, insecurity, fear, anxiety - whatever it is … His grace IS SUFFICIENT!  Abundant even.  I could not have survived without it.  He is so faithful!

And following right behind that - kinda tagging onto it - is learning to be content in whatever situation we face.  Because of His sufficient grace, I was able to be content in everything I walked through on our unexpected journey.  I didn't like some things!  I certainly wanted some things to change.  I found many things hard.  I wasn't always in a happy state of mind.  But I was truly able to rest and to be at peace and content because of His sufficient grace.  His grace combined with a contentment that came from leaning into His sufficiency enabled me to survive the journey!

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:12,13

That strength comes from His sufficient grace!  My prayer is that you will find that grace for whatever you may be facing.  The greater our need, the more sufficient His grace is.

For those of you in the US, I hope you had a happy and blessed Thanksgiving!  I always loved Thanksgiving.  It didn't have the hustle and bustle of Christmas - it was just a lovely time of being together as a family.....with lots of good food of course.  

I have so very much to be thankful for - and right at the top of the list is all those who have loved us, prayed for us, given to us, and carried us all these years on our long unexpected journey!  I’m deeply grateful.  It has helped make it possible for me to persevere during this difficult season.  I have appreciated every encouraging word, every note, every email – the kind words have been a sweet balm to my weary heart. 

The Powerful Gift of Laughter

Recently after a meal I was putting some leftovers away.  My mind was on  a number of things, and I suddenly realized that instead of putting them in the refrigerator like I intended - I was putting the container on a pantry shelf.  As I became aware of it, I started laughing!  I had a good laugh at myself, and then realized that I felt "lighter" because of it.  The laughter lifted my spirits.  It was very therapeutic.

As I thought about this, I realized (once again) what a gift laughter is to us!  God intended it to be a blessing and help to us as we go about life.  I know I've mentioned it before, but during the years that my daughter was very ill we would watch funny movies.  We saw how healing and helpful laughter was.

The well-known Mayo Clinic says laughter relieves stress, improves our immune system, relieves pain, lifts depression and anxiety, burns calories (what a great diet!!), helps us live longer, and improves our overall health. 

There are many "tools" that God has given us to help us in our lives.  I'm convinced that laughter is one of them.  In the midst of stress, pressure, and just the busyness of life - laughter helps lift weights off our heart and mind.  I'm so glad God created laughter!

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength."  Proverbs 17:22

"The cheerful heart has a continual feast."  Proverbs 15:15

"Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then it was said among the nations, the Lord has done great things for them."  Psalm 126:2

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."  Proverbs 31:25

"A time to weep, and a time to laugh."  Ecclesiastes 3:4

As I searched the Bible for verses about laughter, I was amazed at how very much God had to say about it.  Laughter is such a special gift.  I'm grateful God provided it for us.  My recent experience with the leftovers was a good reminder that when I'm having a hard day, I need to stop and laugh!

I am so grateful for this reminder about the gift of laughter as I walk out my journey of grief.

In recent times, 5 of my friends have lost their husbands.  Each of them are in various stages of grieving.  I read somewhere that losing the love of your life is not for the faint of heart.  That is so very true!  These friends had all been married for a "lifetime" - like me.  It's so hard to lose your lifelong friend and partner.

Last week 2 friends sent me the same quote by Rich Villodas, a pastor in New York City.  "Lamenting is the spiritually mature response to sadness and sorrow.  Our spiritual aliveness is not found in our ability to suppress our sadness.  Our spiritual aliveness is found in our ability to bring it to God."

I say a hearty "amen!" to that.  As I walk through the process of grief, my saving grace has been in bringing my sadness to the Lord.  Time and time again when a memory has come out-of-the-blue, and I find tears rolling down my cheeks - the Lord has ministered sweet comfort to my heart.  

At first I thought that maybe I should just move on through my grief.  But it doesn't work like that!  Grief pops up when I least expect it.  I actually thought that I'd grieved so much the last few years that maybe I wouldn't have too much now.  But, surprise, surprise - that didn't happen.  There was one kind of grief when I mourned Floyd being sick and not being present in my day-to-day life.  But there's another kind of "final" grief that came when he passed away.

I also heard someone say that "grief never ends, but it changes along the way.  It's a passage, not a place to stay.  Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith.  It is the price of love."  I'm grateful that I have a precious love to mourn the loss of!  Floyd and I met and married when we were both very young.  We had a wonderful life together of serving the Lord.  I am so grateful for each of our 54 years.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18 

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  Psalm 147:3

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."  Matthew 5:4

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.....A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance."  Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

I have heard from so many dear ones who are going through a time of grieving.  It may not be the loss of a loved one - it may be the loss of a way of life, of a job, of health, or of any number of things.  Life is like a river.  It moves us along whether we want to go or not.  And often it involves grief.  My prayer for you today is that you will find comfort in the Lord as I have.  God has been so faithful in holding my hand as I walk through grief.  As the verse above says, there is a time for grief and mourning.  And our wonderful Father is with us each step of the way.

God is With Us in the Darkness

A year ago tomorrow I had major surgery.  It seemed to have gone well, and then complications set in resulting in 6 weeks in the hospital.  I almost didn't make it through those weeks!  And when I finally came home, I was so very weak.  I have spent this whole year rebuilding strength and health.  I am so grateful to be alive.  God has been merciful and good to me!

A friend recently reminded me of a passage from Floyd's book Finding Friendship With God.  It has powerful and instructive advice to us when going through hard times.  I thought I'd share it with you.

"Here are some things we should do in the darkness.  First, we should carry on with the last thing God showed us to do.  Old orders remain God's orders.  Second, we should keep in mind that other men and women of God have been through the same experience - and have not only survived it but also grown stronger through it.  Finally, we should keep in mind that God is the one who dwells in "thick darkness" (Deut. 5:22).  He is there with us in the midst of the testing.

Remember, like all God's discipline and testing, this darkness is meant for our good.  And this black canopy will not be withdrawn until it has accomplished the purpose for which it was intended.  The Bible tells us of Jacob, who "was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day" (Gen. 32:24).  That is what we, too, must do: cling to God until He leads us through the darkness, even when we seem to be holding on for dear life."

As I read through those words, they almost seem like prophetic words for what Floyd and I have walked through in recent years.  I certainly add my "amen" to what he wrote.  

"Because of the tender mercy of our God, with which the sunrise from on high shall visit us, to shine upon those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace."  Luke 1:78,79 NASB

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

"How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 36:7

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence."  Psalm 42:5

The inventor Thomas Edison once lost his laboratories in a great fire.  The next morning, walking among the ruins, he said: "There is great value in disaster.  All our mistakes are burned up.  Thank God, we can start anew."

Whatever we have lost in the trials of life, God will help us begin anew.  He will give us "a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

"Through many dangers, toils, and snares

I have already come; 

Twas grace that brought me safe thus far,

And grace will lead me home.

Amazing grace - how sweet the sound."

God's amazing grace, help, and strength is with us in the midst of whatever we are walking through.  I couldn't have made it without Him!! 

I've also recently had to face some things that were difficult for me.  All kinds of emotions rose up - nervousness, insecurity, feeling overwhelmed and inadequate, worry, even some fear.  With each emotion, I went to the Lord.  I gave Him the burden of the emotion - and I received His help by faith.....even if my feelings didn't change.  God has always been so faithful to help me, so I knew I could trust Him for these new things I was facing.  He's never failed me!

As I faced some of these things, I didn't feel strong.  I didn't think I was brave.  I certainly didn't feel I could do/accomplish/overcome the various things.  I felt weak and needy.  I knew I needed God's help.  I knew I couldn't manage on my own.

In the midst of walking through all this, I heard someone say that bravery is doing the things you're afraid to do, the things you think you can't do.  There's no courage at all if you aren't scared.  I realized that while trying to be brave and courageous, it was okay to also be nervous, insecure, fearful, etc.  The awareness of that lifted a weight from my heart - and it positioned me in a better place to receive all I need from the Lord.

I've already walked through some of the things I was worried about - and some I'm still facing.  But I've been able to get things in the right perspective to lean into the Lord and receive from His loving hand all that I need.

I've also realized that it doesn't matter how many difficult things I've faced - and there were sooo very many on our unexpected journey - there will always be new challenges, new mountains to climb!  But I'm not alone. God is right by my side. 

"Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." Psalm 37:5

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

"Consider it all joy....when you encounter various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2,3

I think that somewhere in my heart and mind I had hoped that the hard things would be over after Floyd passed away.  But that's not how life operates.  There will always be hard things until the day we meet Jesus.  Thankfully God is right with me.  How wonderfully good, and kind, and faithful He is.

What a Coincidence

It's been over 5 months since Floyd went to be with Jesus.  Even after all this time, I sometimes find myself starting to pray for him - and then I remember he doesn't need my prayers anymore!  Maybe it will always be like that.  He's still so close to my heart.

Have you ever had something happen and you said "what a coincidence"?  I'm sure you are all nodding your heads.  It happens to all of us.  Something coincides with something else unexpectedly - and we call it a coincidence.  Life is full of them!

I read a quote - "Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous."  There's probably a lot of truth in that statement!  I think God is continually working in our lives in many ways on many levels that we don't see and understand.  We don't realize that His hand is at work, but those strange coincidences happen!

God loves us and He is at work in our lives 24/7 - but it's not important to Him that He gets all the credit.  He just wants what is right and good and best for us.  So He brings things together in remarkable ways.  I imagine that a good part of the time we don't see or understand what is happening - but if we notice it, we call it a coincidence.

Some friends of mine recently moved back to the US after working in South Africa for a number of years.  They prayerfully bought a house.  When they moved in, the owners had left a picture above the fireplace with a verse.  It was the same verse that my friends had had at their wedding 39 years before.  A coincidence?  Maybe.  But I think it was God's way of smiling on their new beginning.

A while ago I was feeling encouraged by the Lord to ask boldly of Him in my prayers.  Right at that time a friend sent me this verse:  "King Solomon gave the queen of Sheba all she desired and asked for; he gave her more than she had brought to him." 2 Chron. 9:12  A lovely coincidence!

I have often looked back to things that happened in the weeks leading up to Floyd's illness.  They seemed like unusual coincidences.  Now I look at them and realize that God was preparing me/Floyd/our family for what was to come.  He was setting the stage so to speak.  I have told the Lord over and over how grateful I am for all those coincidences.  We didn't know what was coming, but God did - and He was getting things ready.

I think God loves to bring coincidences into our lives.  If we watch for them, they are probably there more than we'd ever imagine!

"Indeed, I assure you, as long as heaven and earth endure, not even the smallest detail of the Law will be done away with until its purpose is complete."  Matthew 5:18 TPT

"All this comes from the Lord almighty, wonderful in counsel and magnificent in wisdom."  Isaiah 28:29

"The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him."  2 Chronicles 16:9

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him."  Psalm 34:8

I heard someone say that coincidences are God incidences.  I like that!  I think we have many of them in our lives!

I was reading an article about advertising.  There are so many ways these days that we can advertise something if we need to.  Various internet platforms, television, multiple kinds of print media, billboards, flyers, etc.  The possibilities seem almost limitless.  But do you know what is one of the most effective forms of advertising?  Word of mouth.  Simple.  Plain.  And powerful.  A personal endorsement carries a lot of weight.

While thinking of this, I wanted to say once again that God has been so incredibly faithful to me these last years on our unexpected journey!  The Bible talks about God's faithfulness.  Countless books have been written about it.  Many tapes, videos, CDs have testified to it.  Television shows have proclaimed it.  The truth of God's faithfulness has been shouted from the rooftops.

But, today, I just want to add, once again, my simple testimony.  GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!  I want to add my "word of mouth" proclamation.  I have faced hundreds, if not thousands, of situations where I could not have endured if it hadn't been for God's goodness and faithfulness.  He has truly been my Rock, my Refuge, my ever-present strength day-by-day, moment-by-moment.  He has rescued me over and over again.  He has held my hand.  He has whispered comfort into my ear.  He has not been just sufficient - He has been more than enough!

I continue to face some hard days, so I even remind myself of God's faithfulness.  The One who has carried me so wonderfully all these years will continue to be with me and be faithful.  What an awesome confidence that is.

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.' "  Isaiah 41:13

"How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 36:7

"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long."  Deuteronomy 33:12

"My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot slip - He who watches over you will not slumber."  Psalm 121:2,3

Even when we are in need, He won't let us slip!  He is so, so, so faithful.  I share my "word of mouth" testimony once again.  I am so grateful for God's faithfulness.

Careful of the Little Things

I seem to be plagued by birds recently.  For some reason, there are more of them around than normal......lots more!  The pigeons have been getting into places they shouldn't be.  When I try to scare them away, they often dive bomb my head.  I've had flashbacks to that old movie "The Birds."  It's been crazy and annoying.

A few days ago I was having lunch, and there in my house was a sparrow!  It was hopping all over the place.  I got a broom to try and encourage it towards the door, but it just kept moving around the living room, dining room, and kitchen.  Often it hid under the furniture.  I opened the doors wide so it could see its path to the outside......and it just hopped right by the open doors.  It was funny, but not funny.  I chased it around the room for an hour before it finally decided to go out the open door.  I was exhausted.  That little bird had given me a run for my money.  If anyone had filmed it all it would have been hilarious.  Birds - aarrgh!!!

As I often do about things that happen in my life, I was reflecting on this later. The thought came to me that "little" things in life can cause big problems!  That little bird brought tremendous frustration.  I just couldn't get it out of the house.  I was reminded that a few days earlier the Lord had spoken to me about a little thing in my life that was robbing me of finding joy in the Lord.  I could easily have overlooked it if the Lord hadn't brought it to my attention.  I was able to deal with it, and have my joy restored.  The situation with the bird spoke to me of how I need to always be on guard against little things that can become problems if I don't get rid of them.  It was a timely, good, visual reminder of an important spiritual lesson!

"If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones.  But if you are dishonest in little things, you won't be honest with greater responsibilities."  Luke 16:10

"A little leaven leavens the whole lump."  Galatians 5:9 

"And the Lord said, "if you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree," 'be uprooted and planted in the sea' and it would obey you."  Luke 17:6

Little things can be very important! 

Yesterday marked 15 years since we arrived to make our home in South Africa.  The years have flown by!  It truly is home. I've been asked numerous times since Floyd passed away if I will continue to stay here.  I've learned to "never say never," but I have no plans to move.  When we prayed about moving here, we felt we would live out our life here.  That has already happened for Floyd!  My friends are here - many dear ones who have walked with me through the hardest season of my life.  The All Nations Cape Town family is here - who have been so helpful and supportive.

Through the years, Floyd always said that if anything happened to him he wanted to provide a home for me.  That happened!  We have a lovely home here that I'm so grateful for.  It is truly "home" for me with many sweet memories of our life together.  I have wonderful neighbors who keep watch over me.  I have good doctors for my ongoing cancer battle.  My son lives here and is very caring and helpful.  I feel safe, secure, and at peace.  

And I'm very grateful for the 15 years we've been here.  We arrived with just the 2 of us - no team, very limited financial support - but with a clear sense of God's calling and direction.  God has been so incredibly good to us!  I have been thanking Him for His tender care and faithfulness!  In spite of the many trials on the "unexpected journey" of recent years, I can look back over these 15 years and see them as good because of God's goodness.

I shared with a friend yesterday that I still have moments when grief hits my heart.  She described them as "jolts."  I have walked through grief in losing loved ones before.  I have helped and counseled others who have experienced grief.  I have read books and articles about grief.  But none of that prepared me for losing the 54 year long "love of my life."  I miss Floyd dearly, and it still seems hard to believe that he's gone.  For 5+ years he was "over the mountain" in the hospital.  He wasn't at home, but he wasn't gone.  His being gone - gone to be with Jesus - is a whole new reality, a completely different emotion.

Someone said to me recently that "grief is love wearing a heavy coat."  That simple sentence is an apt description of what this grief feels like.  I feel the heavy coat of loss.

But, right along with that, I have to add that I feel God's grace, love, comfort, strength, and healing day by day, moment by moment.  I sense His presence with me more than ever before.  He has been so kind and gracious.  He has wiped away my tears with sweet memories.  And He has strengthened me for facing each new day on my own.  I'm so grateful!  It has been an adjustment to go through pronoun changes from we to I - from us to me.....but, if I forget, the plural still applies because God is right with me!

"Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your god is with you."  Joshua 1:9

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you."  Isaiah 41:10

"Do not fear.....He will not leave you or forsake you."  Deuteronomy 31:6

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."  Psalm 23:4

I'm not sure what my future holds, but I hope it will include many more years of living here in South Africa.  It's home. 

Our Trophies

I was looking in the mirror recently as I brushed my teeth.  I was struck by all my wrinkles.  I've gained a lot of them in recent years.  And then, out of nowhere the thought came to me - many of those wrinkles represent something I've lived through, something I've endured.  They are "trophies" that show I've made it through!  Instead of wishing they were all gone, I was able to be grateful that I've "survived" the stresses and problems that brought them.  I actually had a bit of a giggle as I thought of my face as a "road map" of our unexpected journey!  And I laughed at how God speaks to me in the most unusual ways!

It reminded me of conversations Floyd and I had had.  We talked about the beauty of older faces - how they represented life.  As we traveled, we would sometimes look for beautiful, wizened faces - while wondering what the people had been through in life.  We decided we liked older faces because they told a story.  I often wished I could capture them in a drawing or painting.

I think my face tells a story - a story of God's goodness and faithfulness!  I have been on a roller coaster of wild experiences in recent years, and God has gotten me through them.  He has been right by my side, sometimes carrying me, and has helped me keep going.  He has met my every need.  He has given me strength and grace for every situation I've faced.  He has brought counsel to every decision I've made.  He has protected me time and time again.  He has been with me in the darkest nights.  He has held my hand and been my companion on every rocky road.  I am so grateful! 

The world often frowns on our older faces.  Advertisers tell us about their miracle creams that get rid of the wrinkles.  I use lots of cream on my wrinkles. :)  Millions of dollars are spent every year trying to keep looking young.  I'm not saying I particularly "like" my wrinkles, but the thought that came to me the other day of what they represent has given me a fresh perspective when I look in the mirror.  I'm grateful to be alive and I'm grateful for every trial and tribulation I've persevered through that has brought those wrinkles.  God has been so good to me!

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."  Romans 8:18

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  James 1:2-4

I wonder what Job looked like after all his trials.  When the Bible talks about restoring Job's fortunes - maybe some of his wrinkles disappeared.  Wouldn't that be nice?!  As I look in the mirror now, I'm not counting my wrinkles - I'm counting my blessings......because God has gotten me through so many trials on our unexpected journey.  I can't praise Him enough!

In a novel I've been reading, the minister was speaking from Matthew 16:24, 25.  "Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.' "

The minister went on to say that the same words in almost the same form appear five times in the New Testament.  It means they are the most often quoted words that Jesus made during His ministry here on earth.  I'm sure that wasn't by accident.  If the writers of the New Testament included those words over and over, it must have been because Jesus was telling them that over and over.

As I mentioned in my last post, Joshua 24 says "choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve."  It's the same idea but in the Old Testament.  We have to daily choose, deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow - the words are different but the concept is the same.  It's an ongoing, continual process.  We don't get it done and check it off our list.  It has to stay on our "to do" list for each day! 

While thinking of this, I was watching a program on TV.  It suddenly became clear to me how many choices the characters in the program were making.  We, too, do that all through our day.  We just need to make sure our choices are centered on following Jesus in everything we do.  The saying that was popular years ago - "what would Jesus do" - is more important than ever to be asking ourselves.  We face pressures all around us to make choices.  We just need to make sure we're taking up the cross Jesus has for us in following Him.

With Floyd's passing, I'm in a new season of life.  Of course I'm still fighting the battle with cancer, but I'm also finding my way in what God has for me - and I'm making that daily choice to follow Jesus in whatever He has for me.  It's a wonderful journey to follow Him.  He is so good and faithful - and He has new adventures for us as we walk by His side.

Choose Whom You Will Serve

Hardly a day goes by that I don't hear from or about a friend who is going through a hard time.  Sickness, death, loss of a job, financial stress, family tension, marriage breakups - the list is endless.  And in this time of worldwide pandemic, everything is especially stressful.  At times it feels like the whole world is broken.  It can be quite overwhelming.

I was thinking about this in light of some recent news, and I was praying for some dear ones in pain.  Clear as a bell, I heard the Lord reminding me that He is FOR us!  In the midst of difficult events, it can be easy to forget that.  But it's so true - He is with us and for us!  Always!

Every day, all day long, through the long, dark night - He is right by our side.  He feels our pain.  He gathers our tears.  He hears every prayer, every moan of our heart.  He tenderly holds our hand.  He sends angels to minister to us.  He is constantly at work to help us.  He loves us and cares for us.  He is so, so, so FOR us! 

He turns stumbling blocks into stepping stones to lead us on our way.

"God has a purpose in our heartaches,

The Savior knows what's best;

We learn so many precious lessons

In sorrow, trial, and test."      - Jarvis

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him."  Romans 8:28

"The Lord is near to all who call on Him."  Psalm 145:18

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea."  Psalm 46:1,2

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken."  Isaiah 54:10

Whatever we are going through, God is with us and FOR us!  We must never let the enemy rob us of that truth - whatever we are facing.

We have a wooden sign in our home that says "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."  It's taken from the verse in Joshua 24:15.  The photo of it is above.  We've had it for a long time, so it has hung in several places where we've lived.  Right now it's in our kitchen, so I see it every day.  

When we have workmen in our home, it's often an interesting conversation starter.  Some have said they believe the same thing.  Others have asked if it's really true - and why did we choose that.  For me it's always been a proclamation of where my heart is - it's in serving the Lord!!

The beginning of the verse actually says "choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve."  I like that because I think it is a continual, daily choice.  We have to make a fresh commitment in our hearts each day to love and serve the Lord.  The cares of life enter in.  The pressures of the world around us can erode our commitment.  Disappointment can easily undermine our choice.  Unanswered prayers can cause us to challenge the choices we made.  It's imperative that we continually CHOOSE who we are going to serve.

We can't serve anything or anyone except God Himself.  He has to be number one.  He has to be our focal point.  He has to be the one who guides us in every other decision we make.  Then we can proclaim that our household serves the Lord!

Over and over again in recent years on our unexpected journey I said to the Lord that I didn't understand, but I chose afresh to love and serve Him.  There's something about making that conscious choice that releases strength to persevere.  Every time I made that choice, I sensed fresh releases of His grace.  He carried me through.

"Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord.  They rejoice in your name all day long; they exult in your righteousness."  Psalm 89:15,16

"I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38,39

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!"  Psalm 34:8

"My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth, He will not let your foot slip - He who watches over you will not slumber."  Psalm 121:2,3

My earliest memories are of talking to the Lord.  I must have been about 3 or 4 years old.  It's been a wild life of adventure in serving Him, but I wouldn't want anything else.  I'm 73 years old now, and my "household" is only me - but I choose once again to serve Him.....all the days of my life.  He is worthy!

From His Heart to Mine

The last few days have felt a bit like a roller coaster.  I was relieved at getting good news from my doctors after some tests and check-ups.  I'm so grateful for the warmer spring days after our cold winter.  I've had some days with good energy levels, so I've been able to accomplish some things.  And then - wham!  Out of nowhere I had an intense wave of grief hit me!  There was nothing to precipitate it, it just hit from one minute to the next.

I'm learning a lot about grief.  What happened to me this week is considered "normal."  Grief is unpredictable.  There is no right or wrong way to experience and walk through grief.  It can hit at any time.  It may go away in weeks, months, or years.  There's no set time table.  It's not just about death.  There can be grief over the loss of many things in life - marriage, health, job, financial security, friendship, dreams, a home, a beloved pet - the list goes on and on.  Any loss in our lives can bring grief.

Grief is not something to be ashamed of.  It's part of life.  If we don't grieve for things we've lost, it can actually be destructive.  If we've lost something significant in our lives, then there will be significant grief.  That's okay.  Healing from grief takes time, but with God's help - we'll get to the other side.  There is no typical response to grief because we're all unique individuals.  We just need to walk through it, holding onto God's comforting hand.

I was thinking this week as the wave of grief hit me of the verse "Jesus wept."  (John 11:35)  Jesus knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, and yet He wept.  I think perhaps the significance of that is that He wanted to show us that sorrow needs to be felt.  It's okay - important even.  Grief needs to be expressed.  As the wave of grief hit me this week, I had to stop and weep......just as Jesus did.  I had to allow my heart to feel and experience the grief.

I am sure this will continue to happen.  I wish there was a warning bell to alert me that it's coming, but that doesn't happen.  Thankfully the Lord wraps me in His sweet presence and takes me through it.  I loved my gentle giant deeply for over 54 years.  I'm now grieving deeply that he is no longer by my side.  Each time the wave of grief comes, it brings a bit of healing with it.  I'm grateful for that.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.....a time to weep, a time to mourn."  Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

"Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows."  Isaiah 53:4

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."  Matthew 5:4

I grieve because I lost something (someone) very precious.  In the midst of my grief, I can't help but be thankful for the wonderful life, love, and friendship I had with Floyd.  I'm so grateful for all our years together.  God has been good to me!

One of the things I love about the Lord is how incredibly personal He is.  Billions of people on the earth.  He loves and cares about them all.  But He sees us and responds to us individually.  It continually amazes me.

On a recent day when some things were weighing on my heart, I was doing my daily prayer walking on our deck.  It was an overcast day with just a faint mist in the air.  As I was walking, I saw a hint of color across the valley in the air.....like wavy lines of color.  Then, all the sudden, a beautiful, brilliant rainbow burst through.  It was gorgeous.  I quickly took a photo - and then it was gone.  It couldn't have lasted more than 90 seconds.

If you've followed my posts, you know that rainbows have been special to me on our unexpected journey.  Time and time again, on a hard day - often coming home from the hospital - there would be a rainbow.  It always ministered to me of God's goodness and faithfulness.  So, here again, on a heavy day was a stunning rainbow.  It touched my heart.  Because it came and went so quickly - if I hadn't been looking right where it appeared, I would have missed it.  It felt like it was just for me!!  God knew I needed that reminder of His faithfulness.  It felt intensely personal - from His heart to mine.  My heart was so blessed.  I’ve used the photo at the top of this post.

At the Celebration of Life memorial service for Floyd, there was a musical prelude for 10 minutes before it started.  It was a song called "Love Divine."  It was Floyd's favorite hymn, and it was sung at our wedding.  I love the words of the first verse:

"Love divine, all loves excelling,
Joy of Heav’n to earth come down;
Fix in us thy humble dwelling;
All thy faithful mercies crown!
Jesus, Thou art all compassion,
Pure unbounded love Thou art;
Visit us with Thy salvation,
Enter every trembling heart."

I am so grateful that He visits us and enters our trembling hearts when we need Him.  He is so loving and kind.

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  Psalm 143:8

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope."  Psalm 130:5

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song."  Psalm 28:7 

"Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him."  Psalm 34:8

I am so grateful for our loving, personal Father.  He knows me.  He knows what I need.  He comes close to me with whatever I need.  How good He is!

Leaving a Rich Heritage

This past week was a national holiday in South Africa called Heritage Day.  It started me thinking, once again, of the wonderful heritage I have.  I had a praying mother and a wonderful, Godly mother-in-law and father-in-law.  I am so blessed to have been loved, prayed for, and influenced by them.  They have helped shape who I am today.

But I started thinking, too, of others who have been influential in my life.  I am grateful to many who have impacted me and are part of my heritage.

-  My Aunt Lillian who joined my mother in praying for me every day of my growing up years - praying that I would love Jesus and serve Him. 

-  Pastor Sam O'Toole.  He was my pastor in my early teen years.  He believed in me, in my call to missions.  He helped me find out about YWAM and encouraged me to step out and go on outreaches.  He "pushed me out the door so to speak." 

-  Several lovely elderly ladies in my home church.  Sister Miller (we called everyone brother and sister in our church), Sister Burget, and others whose names I can't remember.  They formed a prayer group to pray first for me when I went on YWAM outreaches, and then for Floyd and me when we married......praying for us for many years until they passed away.  Some of them sent us $5 and $10 a month to help support us.

-  My sister, Edell Gloor.  She's 15 years older than me.  In many ways she was a second mom to me when I was growing up.  She has loved me and cared for me all her life.  Floyd and I were with her just a few months before he became ill.  I treasure those memories.  Although she's faced some health challenges, she is still alive and loving Jesus.

-  Muriel Fritz took me under her wing in Afghanistan when I was expecting our first baby.  I was far from my mom and Floyd's mom.  Muriel stepped in to help me through that tender season.  She and her husband, Dale, later worked with us in Holland.  She and I stayed in touch until she went to be with Jesus 3 years ago.

There are many, many others who are part of my heritage.  I mention these few because they are just "normal" people.....but they had huge impacts in my life.  None of them were famous, well-known people.  But I'm sure they are known in heaven because of their love for the Lord and their care for me, Floyd, and others.  There's a verse that talks about those who stay behind with the baggage will receive the same reward as those who go to battle.  I so believe that!  We're on the same team - Team Jesus.

Each one of us has the opportunity to be part of the heritage of those around us.  We'll someday leave all the "stuff" behind us - but the input we've had into people's lives we'll take with us to heaven.  Someone mentioned to me recently the "family lineage" we are leaving behind.  I got so excited thinking about that!  May God help me leave a rich heritage for those around me.

"The share of the man who stayed with the supplies is to be the same as that of him who went down to the battle.  All will share alike."  1 Samuel 30:24

"I have a goodly heritage."  Psalm 16:6

"You have given me the heritage of those who fear your name."  Psalm 61:5

"No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.  This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord."  Isaiah 54:17

I treasure all the ones who are part of my heritage.  I'm grateful for each one of them.  And I pray that I will be part of the heritage of others.  

When I have to do my medical checkups and tests it tends to produce anxiety for me.  Even though I tell myself a hundred times that I shouldn't worry, little questions and worries creep in.  I have to continually be on guard against letting fear pop its ugly head up.  I know God is on the alert and is watching over me.  I know He is carrying my burdens.  I know that worry is a burden God doesn't want us to carry.  I know He's in control, and I'm in good hands.  But.......!  My thoughts and feelings don't always submit to the truth of these things as quickly and easily as I would like.

That's where, once again, TRUST comes in.  I like how David, the mighty warrior, put it - "When I am afraid, I will trust in you."  (Psalm 56:3)  He admits his fear, but chooses to trust.  Our human emotions can get in the way of the choices we want to make in trusting God.  I find it helpful to continually speak out loud - "I trust you Lord."  It helps keep my attention focused on trusting God rather than giving in to the anxiety.  Trusting God keeps me in His presence - which helps keep the concerns and anxieties at bay.

Whatever our concern may be - Covid, cancer, finances, broken relationships, jobs, the future, our children, health - as we speak out our trust it releases fresh faith in our hearts to keep our focus on God and not on the questions or problems.  It's an ongoing challenge.  We don't just conquer this once and it's all over.  But when fear and concern come it doesn't "trump" trust.  We have to continually, minute by minute put our trust in Him.  He's available 24/7 to help us!

"Behold, He who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep."  Psalm 121:4

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you."  Psalm 56:3 

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him."  Nahum 1:7

When we have concerns, we shouldn't beat ourselves up for having very normal human emotions.  We need to simply choose to trust our wonderful God in the face of whatever is before us causing the concern.  It's a lesson I keep learning.  It takes root deeper and deeper in my heart each time I choose trust.  As I make that choice, God brings fresh comfort and hope into my heart.  He is so good and faithful!

Watch Out for Arrows

Something happened this week that is just part of "life."  Difficult things happen in life.  It's part of the world we live in.  But for some reason, this particular thing hit my heart like an arrow.  It felt like rejection.  My mind said one thing - my heart said another.  It weighed heavily upon me.

I took time to talk to the Lord and "pray it through" (a phrase my praying mother used often - we have to stay in the Lord's presence until we work our way through a matter).  As I took the matter to the Lord and allowed Him to give me His perspective, the heaviness lifted.  Peace and joy returned.  The arrow was pulled out. 

Walking through this reminded me of how easy it is for us to allow the "arrows" of daily life to pierce our heart.....and, when that happens, the enemy tries to exploit them.  He will use anything he can to distract us and draw our attention away from the goodness of God.  We can't allow that to happen!

When I took the arrow piercing my heart to the Lord, I could readily counteract it with truth and promises from the Word.  It wasn't even difficult - I just needed to spend time in God's presence to put things back in true perspective.  How good and faithful God is to help us do that.  And I will be more on guard when another arrow comes my way!!

"I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation."  Psalm 13:5

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence."  Psalm 42:5

"You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence."  Acts 2:28

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

I'm not a fan of waiting.  I guess, like everyone, I find it hard, frustrating, and often stressful.  In many ways I've spent the last few years waiting - waiting to see what would happen to Floyd, waiting to see what would happen with my cancer, waiting, waiting, waiting on lots of things!

I've learned that waiting and trusting (something I've talked a LOT about these last few years) go hand in hand.  You really can't wait well unless you trust......and some thankfulness needs to be thrown into the mix too.

I was thinking about all the times we have to "wait" - especially for answers and directions.  I suddenly thought about Jesus.  He had clear direction.  He knew where he was headed - to the cross.  He knew all that was ahead.  I can't begin to imagine how hard that was for Him.  There must have been times when He wished things would just go ahead and move along.

There were times when He went aside and talked to His Father.  He poured out His heart.  He worshipped.  He kept His eye on the goal.  And He ministered to people.  He didn't get impatient or angry.  He didn't give up.  He simply waited until the "fullness of time" came.

I'm definitely not as patient as Jesus!  But I'm trying to learn the lessons of waiting while I worship God for His goodness, faithfulness, strength, and grace.  One of the things I've seen these last few years is that there are lessons to learn in waiting that we don't learn any other way.  I'm grateful that God is a patient teacher.  He orders our stops as well as our steps.  He knows when we need to wait.

"Be still, and know that I am God."  Psalm 46:10

"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."  Psalm 5:3

"I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me and heard my cry."  Psalm 40:1

"They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

As I walk through another season of waiting (for tests, results, answers), I'm trying to learn any new lessons the Lord has for me.  He always keeps teaching us!

His Promises Are Sure

I was watching a program recently and the main character made this statement - "Very few things that are worthwhile in life come without a cost."  I was so impressed by the statement that I turned off the TV and sat pondering what had been said.

When I think back over my 54 years with Floyd, I don't immediately think about the "costs."  I think about God's goodness, faithfulness, provision, and the spiritual "fruit" that has come over the years.  But, it's true - there have been costs.  For my own pondering, I made a list of some of them. As I went back through the years, I came up with a pretty long list.

Then I asked myself - was it worth it?  And I knew immediately that it was - without a shadow of a doubt.  I thought of all the precious ones who have come to know Jesus.  I thought of all the lessons we learned - of how we've grown in our walk with the Lord.  I thought of the ones who have been delivered from various bondages.  I thought of the physical healings.  And I thought of all the precious friendships we've had.  People are the most precious treasure in our lives, next to Jesus!

I think it's good to remind ourselves that the important and worthwhile things in life are worth the cost......because there will undoubtedly be more costs in the future as we walk with the Lord.  Jesus himself faced unbelievable "costs," even to his own life.  He paid the price!  He faced the ultimate cost, and because of that - He gives us the strength and grace to face the costs in our lives.

We don't start our journey with the Lord and following His call on our lives by thinking about the costs.  We start with a heart of love to honor and serve the Lord.  We want to obey, to follow His direction and leading.  Because our hearts are focused on Him, He then gives us the ability to face the costs.  Following Jesus, obeying His call and direction day by day in our lives, and walking in friendship with Him makes it so, so worth any cost we face.  What an incredibly rich and wonderful life we have in loving and serving the Lord!

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."  Mark 10:45

"Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men."  Colossians 3:23

"(Jesus) made Himself of no reputation, and took upon Him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men.  And being found in fashion as a man, He humbled Himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross."  Philippians 2:6-8 

"Fear the Lord, and serve Him in truth with all your heart; for consider the great things He has done for you."  1 Samuel 12:24

I love to meditate on the promises of God that He has for us as we serve Him.  They certainly more than balance out any of the costs!  To me, God's wonderful promises are symbolized by the rainbow, His covenant to us.  Many days driving home from the hospital after being with Floyd - my heart heavy with concern and calling out to God - and there, in the sky, in all its glory would be a rainbow.  This happened too many times to remember and count.  It was so precious to me.

A dear friend was telling me of an experience she had the day Floyd went to be with Jesus.  She had just heard the news.  She was in her car driving with tears running down her face......when in the sky, right in front of her was a HUGE rainbow - a Floyd sized rainbow.  She pulled over to take a photo of it.  It literally filled the sky.  She calls it "Floyd's rainbow."  She recently sent me the photo which I have shared above.  I love it!

God is so good - and He keeps His promises to us as we follow Him.

When I lift prayer requests to the Lord, I do my best to die to my own thoughts and desires.  I tell the Lord that I trust His plans and purposes.  But I think that "my wishes" can sometimes be what I'm praying.  I may not always be on the same wave length as the Lord even though I try to be.  God doesn't fulfill all our wishes when we pray, but He does fulfill all His promises!  He is faithful in doing that.  I often find it helpful to pray His promises.

I remember when I was growing up I would say I wished for something, almost like a prayer.  My mother was known for all her old "sayings."  She would say to me "if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride." I loved her practical approach, and her Godly outlook.  She was a wonderful woman of prayer.

People have asked me if I'm upset with God for not answering the prayers for healing for Floyd.  I certainly wanted him to be physically healed here on earth!  But I always prayed "healing or heaven" leaving the choice to the Lord.  I knew that only He knew what was best.  I knew He could heal Floyd - so many examples in the Word - like the man by the pool of water who had been lame for 38 years.....a lot longer than Floyd.  Healing Floyd would have been easy for God.  But I didn't know what God's "plan and purpose was."  And, ultimately, Floyd got healing and heaven!  

I think it boils down to trust when we are praying.  We lift up our prayers to the Lord......praying as best we can according to God's purposes - but we have to trust God with the final decision.  That's where the "rubber meets the road."  (Another saying my mom used.)  We have to entrust ourselves into His loving hands.  That's the ultimate prayer!  

Many times God has something better in mind than what we are praying. I think of Mary and Martha praying for Jesus to come and heal their brother Lazarus.  Jesus didn't arrive when they wanted, and Lazarus died.  He was already wrapped in grave clothes in the tomb by the time Jesus arrived.  Jesus had something better in mind - He wanted to raise Lazarus from the dead!  God's ways are not always our ways.  We shouldn't be surprised when our prayers go unanswered because He has something better in mind!

I often sit as I'm praying and check my motives - making sure I'm not praying from selfish motivations.  I ask God to show me His plans, His purposes - and guide me in how to pray.  But I also know He doesn't get upset with us if we pray "amiss."  He sees our heart.  He understands our love and trust for Him.  And He answers us - oh how wonderful that He meets us, and answers us!  I'm so grateful! 

"Hear my prayer, O Lord!  Listen to my cries for help!  Don't ignore my tears."  Psalm 39:12

"Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."  Jeremiah 29:12

"Truly God has listened; He has attended to the voice of my prayer."  Psalm 66:19

"You will pray to Him, and He will hear you."  Job 22:27

The ultimate goal of our prayers is drawing us closer to God.  That's our "answer" every time!  He knows what's in our hearts, but He longs for us to speak that out to Him in prayer.  He wants our fellowship and friendship with Him.  What a wonderful, precious friend we have in Jesus! 

Frowns into Smiles

It seems like every direction I turn these days I hear of people talking about the pain, sorrows, and disappointments that they are dealing with.  It's a difficult time on so many levels.  We live in a broken world that desperately needs Jesus!  The earth itself seems to be groaning in need of redemption.

I heard of a saying that God has angels whose job it is to change scars from frowns to smiles.  We all bear "scars" from difficult things we have gone through.  We carry "frowns" in our spirit, in our hearts from the sorrows and disappointments we've faced.  Our hearts are often so heavy from the trials of life that we've walked through.

But I'm encouraged to think of ministering angels who are at work in our lives to change our difficult, frowning times into smiles.  To me that speaks of the healing, redeeming power of the Lord.  He is the One who can give "beauty for ashes......the oil of joy for mourning."  He is the One who lifts the burdens on our hearts.  He encourages us to "cast" our burdens on Him because He can carry them. 

Someone mentioned to me recently that they were surprised that I wasn't sad and depressed from all I've gone through.  They kinda expected me to be weary, tired looking, and discouraged.  There was even the comment that I look good - which was unexpected.

As I reflected on that, all I could say was "thank you Jesus."  The Lord has been with me through each trial, each difficulty, each sorrow.  Of course there is some sadness in my heart over things that have happened.  But more than that - there is joy because God has carried me through the hard times and sorrows.  "The joy of the Lord" truly is my strength!!  Day in, day out He has been with me to help me.

There may well be some scars in my heart from things that have happened - but God has helped turn the frowns into smiles by His help and grace.....day by day, minute by minute.  I'm grateful for the ministering angels.  I live and walk in joy because of His redeeming power.

"To comfort all who mourn.....to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."  Isaiah 61:2,3

"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken."  Psalm 55:22

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."  1 Peter 5:7

"Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."  Nehemiah 8:10

I have "down" days just like everyone else.  But I am so, so grateful that God has taken every frown in my heart and turned it into a smile by His grace and help.  He has truly redeemed each and every sorrow I've walked through.  I am still "standing" because God has so faithfully helped me with everything that has come my way these last few years.  How amazingly good and faithful He is!  

As I continue on this journey, I do my best to take care of myself.  I guess you could say I do the "possible" while I continue to ask God for the "impossible" of bringing healing to my body.  I eat well.  I take good vitamins.  I get good sleep.  I exercise every day.  I try to find things that bring refreshment and refueling to my heart.  I do everything I can in terms of self care.

On our "unexpected journey" these last years, I had to learn how to receive rest from the Lord.  I could never have survived the journey without that.  In this new season I'm finding I need that rest from the Lord even more!!  Perhaps I'm just catching up from all I've been through.  Or it could be having grief thrown into the mix......but, whatever it is, I'm finding I have to press deeper and deeper into the rest that only God can give.

For me it's meant some very specific things:

• Slowing my activity down so that I can receive His rest.

• Meditating on His word, His promises.....and believing that they are available for me right now in my daily life. 

• Sitting quietly in His presence and just letting His spirit wash over me. 

• Allowing the Lord to speak into my thoughts, my memories as they come while I process the emotions of my grief.

• Being careful not to block the pain when it bubbles up in my heart, but allowing the Lord to pour His healing balm into it.

• Seeking His wisdom to tackle the endless "to do" list rather than trying to rush ahead and just get everything done.

 I think in some ways I'm "catching up" after 5+ intense years.  The well has been drained way down, and God is pouring in fresh, living water to fill me up again.  I was recently reflecting on Elijah.  He had some wonderful victories - but then he was faced with weariness and discouragement.  God met him with sleep and rest.  He provided bread and water from a ministering angel.  He spoke encouragement to him in a gentle whisper, and then He brought him a helper.  God didn't rebuke him and tell him he was a failure!  He understood his weariness, and helped him.

I've found myself worshipping the Lord and thanking Him for the rest He's bringing to me.  It's what I'm needing right now, and God in His faithfulness is meeting me once again.  I'm so grateful.  He knows just what I need.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

"I will answer your cry for help every time you pray, and you will feel my presence in your time of trouble."  Psalm 91:15 

"My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot slip - He who watches over you will not slumber."  Psalm 121:2,3

"And He said, 'My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.' "  Exodus 33:14

What an awesome God we serve.