Our Faithful Burden Bearer

In dealing with unanswered prayers, it was shared at her memorial service that Joy Dawson said "I will not insult God with unbelief."  I've been "chewing" on that.  It's a simple statement, but a very profound one.  God never promised us that He'd answer every single prayer we uttered, but He has promised us over and over again in the Word that we can have friendship, fellowship, and intimacy with Him.  However, that relationship with Him will be hindered if our hearts are filled with any unbelief.

One of my treasures from the last 8 difficult years is the precious fellowship I've had with the Lord.  I've had to cling to Him in the midst of the difficulties and challenges.  He has been my Rock, my Anchor, my Shelter as I've walked through the storms.  He has held my hand, He has whispered encouragement into my heart, and He has guided my steps when I've not known the way to go.  His mercies have been new every morning.  His power has been made perfect in my utter weakness.  His grace has been more than sufficient for every need.  He has filled my heart so full to overflowing with His goodness that there is no room for doubt or unbelief.  He has been so, so good to me!

When we don't see immediate answers to prayer - or even more importantly, answers to prayers that we have lifted up for months, even years - the enemy loves to come and whisper his lies in our ears.  Lies that God doesn't care, and that He's incapable of answering our prayers.  He'll say it in subtle ways, but he'll do his best to lure us away from the Father.  That's why we have to continually press into the Lord in our relationship - come what may!  We can't allow any opening, any foothold for unbelief to enter in.

A powerful protection is proclaiming the promises of the Word - declaring them to ourselves and to the enemy.  I have found that singing songs of worship of who God is lifts my emotions and my spirit when I'm feeling low.  Speaking and singing the truth of who God is defeats the whispers of the enemy.....and fills any crack where unbelief could enter in. 

I can't honestly say right at this moment that I would willingly go through these last difficult years again - the pain is a little too fresh still I think.  But I can say with absolute sureness that I wouldn't have wanted to miss the richness of fellowship that has come as I've had to press into the Lord over and over again in the midst of the pain.  The intimacy with Him is a precious gift that I wouldn't have wanted to miss.  I am beyond grateful for His closeness.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:13 

"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."  Ephesians 3:16-19

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!"  Psalm 34:8

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds."  2 Corinthians 10:3,4

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you."  Psalm 63:5

With promises such as these, there is no room for any unbelief in our hearts.  God is good and faithful and will be by our side whatever we face!

I was chatting with a friend this week about the burdens on our hearts.  Between us we had a number of burdens we are carrying - for family and for friends.  Needs.  Concerns.  Problems we're trying to solve.  Anxieties.  Decisions.  Protection.  Difficulties.  Trials.  Loss.  Illness.  Grief.  Financial hardship.  Trauma.  Broken relationships.  Marital tensions.  The list is long - the weights seem heavy.

We then began to talk about giving our burdens to the Lord.  He tells us to do that.  He knows we can't carry them - it's too much for us.  Every day, sometimes several times a day, I give my burdens to the Lord.  I speak them out, one by one.  I confess to the Lord how they weigh me down.  I ask Him to take them from my heart and mind.  When they come back - I give them to Him again.

Some years ago I was so heavy hearted with burdens.  I gave them to the Lord, but they would bounce back into my heart and into my thinking.  I read the verse about "casting our burdens" on the Lord.  As an physical act of what I was doing spiritually, I took a small throw pillow and threw it across the room.  It was symbolic to me of what I was wanting to do in giving my burdens to the Lord.  Every time I was tempted to take them back, I remembered throwing that pillow. :)

I'm so grateful that the Lord invites us to give our burdens to Him.  His shoulders are big enough to carry our cares!  And He clearly invites us, instructs us even, to give them to Him.  He cares for us and doesn't want us carrying the burdens.

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved."  Psalm 55:22 

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for us."  1 Peter 5:7

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6

"Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"  Matthew 6:27

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears."  Psalm 34:4

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him."  Romans 8:28 

There have been times when I've felt like one of those big cargo ships with hundreds of containers stacked on it.  My burdens felt so big, so numerous, so heavy.  Then I realized I'm carrying them, and not giving them to the Lord.

At other times I've felt like I'm trying to walk in a mud pit, but I'm not getting anywhere.  Or running a never-ending marathon.  Any of these types of feelings reveal that we're not giving our burdens to the Lord.  They are robbing us of joy, peace, and freedom.

I take time to mention each burden, speak it out, as I give it to the Lord.  I quote the verses where God tells us to give Him our burdens.  There have been times when I can feel the weights being lifted from my heart and mind as I do this.  He is a faithful burden bearer.  He wants us to give our burdens to Him.  I'm so grateful for that!

Nevertheless

Last week was an intense week.  I was not feeling well, there were many things needing my attention and my energy was so low, it was hard.

In the midst of everything, the Lord spoke a special word into my heart.  It was so encouraging and helped me rest in His care.  I love how He does that!  There's nothing quite like having Him speak to us.

A friend also shared a verse with me that became my prayer.  "Honor me by trusting in me in your day of trouble.  Cry aloud to me, and I will be there to rescue you."  Psalm 50:15 TPT  God was truly with me in my day of trouble!

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"  Psalm 27:1

"So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.' "  Hebrews 13:6

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."  Psalm 62:8 

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

"Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way.  The Lord be with all of you."  2 Thessalonians 3:16

If you've been reading my posts for a while, you know how I look for God to speak to me through His creation.  I had a special treat this morning.  As I opened the window shade on my kitchen window, there was a row of peacocks at my fence.  They were marching one-by-one, in a row (normally they would be scattered haphazardly over the field) with their heads all turned towards me.  It felt like they were "saluting" me.  I received it as a greeting for my birthday. :)  I always love seeing them, but this was extra special.

I was also hoping for sunshine today, but the forecast was for rain.  However, the rain came during the night and this morning the sun is shining.  That is a special gift to me!  I receive these special gifts from God's creation.  They mean a lot to me. 

When Joy Dawson passed away recently, her daughter mentioned to me that Joy was puzzled by the unanswered prayers she had lifted up.  In fact, she herself had suffered terrible pain for 35 years and had not been healed.  She was a powerful intercessor, and yet she had prayers that were never answered.  She would say, "He's a God of mystery."

I've been thinking a lot about this.  It brought me back to the prayer of Jesus before He went to the cross.  "Father, if it is your will, take this cup away from me; nevertheless not my will, but yours, be done."  Luke 22:42  That "nevertheless" is so important as we pray.  Even Jesus didn't get His prayer answered......but He was willing to trust the Father as to what was best......leaving the outcome to Him.

A friend of mine said - it's the "nevertheless" in our prayers that puts us at ease.  We can pray and pray and pray, but "nevertheless" His will be done.  It doesn't stop our petitioning God for the answers we want, but knowing the outcome is in His faithful, trustworthy hands gives us great comfort.

I'm sure we've all had "nevertheless" prayers that didn't get answered.  Someday God will explain to us His plan and purpose in those prayers.  In the meantime, we trust in His goodness, wisdom, and faithfulness.  He is worthy of our trust.  He knows what is best.

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28 

"Thanks be to God!  He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."  1 Corinthians 15:57

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  Proverbs 3:5

"How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 36:7

"What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?"  Romans 8:31

"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."  Psalm 63:8

As I lift up prayers to the throne today, I am secure in the "nevertheless" His will will be done.  I trust Him.

Adjusting My Sails

Through all the years of battling cancer, I've had a steady, sweet, God-given peace.  It's a "peace that passes understanding," that defies explanation except that it comes from Him.  He has flooded my soul with an assurance that I'm in His capable hands.

When I got the results of recent testing and learned that my tumor had grown and the surrounding organs were in danger of being negatively impacted - things began to change.  Every time something happened physically, I would feel anxious.  My peace was definitely under attack and being threatened.

After several times of this happening, I began to understand.  I needed to go back to the Lord for a fresh peace.  The new information needed to be submitted to the Lord.  I needed to submit myself afresh to the Lord.  I needed to once again put myself into His hands, trusting Him come what may.

Once I did this, my peace was restored and the anxious thoughts were put away.  What a difference it made!  I still don't know what's ahead, but my trust in the Lord is securely anchored in Him.  I'm so grateful for His peace.

There's an old song that I've sung many times these last 8 years:

"Peace, peace wonderful peace,

Coming down from the Father above!

Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray

In fathomless billows of love!"

I've sung it standing by Floyd's bed.  I've sung it driving home from the hospital with tears streaming down my face.  I've sung it laying weak in bed from cancer treatment.  I've sung it as I've grieved losing Floyd.  The simple prayer of the song always ministers peace to my soul as I let the waves of His love and grace wash over me.

"What a treasure I have in this wonderful peace,

Buried deep in the heart of my soul,

So secure that no power can mine it away,

While the years of eternity roll!"

"I am resting tonight in this wonderful peace,

Resting sweetly in Jesus' control;

For I'm kept from all danger by night and by day,

And His glory is flooding my soul!"

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."  Psalm 4:8

"May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way."  2 Thessalonians 3:16

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."  Isaiah 26:3

"The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:7

"The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace."  Psalm 29:11

I am so grateful for the blessing of His peace.  It is a precious treasure that only He can give.  It truly does pass our human understanding.  It can only come from our wonderful, faithful Lord.

Another dear saint has gone to be with Jesus.  Joy Dawson passed away in the early morning of Thursday, July 21.  She was 96 years old.  Joy had an impact on all of us as leaders in the early days of YWAM.  Her teaching on the Ways of God and on Intercession helped shape us.

Floyd would sometimes tell stories in his sermons of how Joy spoke into his life at key times.  He was so grateful for her input.  I'll never forget one of her sermons - "It's How You Finish That Counts."  Floyd and I talked about it and set our hearts, no matter what happened in life, to finish well.  

Floyd and Joy both finished well.  I can imagine that they are worshipping Jesus together now in heaven!

A friend of mine was shopping in a garden store for plants recently.  She found a pot that she decided she had to buy.  It said "We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails." 

I think that says a lot about how we go through life.  The winds come - in so many different ways!  Whether we want them to or not, the winds blow in and buffet us.  Sickness, sadness, loss, disappointment, financial challenges, conflict - at unwanted, unexpected moments those "winds" come.  Of course there can be some good winds that help us sail along smoothly too.  We all long for those winds. 

We don't have control over the winds - but we can adjust our "sails" with God's help to weather the winds and keep going.  God has been so gracious in helping me to do that with all the winds that have come my way.  I'm so grateful.  He has been with me in the midst of a lot of stormy winds.

 "Look to the Lord for His strength; see His face always."  1 Chronicles 16:11

"Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:39

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save."  Zephaniah 3:17

"God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.  There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."  Revelation 21:4

"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long."  Deuteronomy 33:12

"We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul - not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.  It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy."  Colossians 1:11 The Message

When the winds come, He helps us adjust the sails.....and He turns the storms into joy as He walks beside us.....helping us to "finish well."

Our Times Are in His Hands

With so many outward pressures (health issues, load shedding, cold weather, family concerns, ministry needs), it’s easy to focus on the problems.  The Lord has been reminding me to instead focus on developing my inner strength.  I can’t rely on what’s been developed in the past.  I must focus on continually, daily developing my inner strength in Him.  

I love the Lord and have a sweet relationship with Him.  But I can’t “rest” on that.  I need to press in more and more so that when life’s burdens are heavy I won’t falter.  His power in me is greater than the pressures around me.

I’ve often referred to holding onto His hand, which we especially need to do when we face the pressures of life.  We do that by communicating with Him through our day as we face the pressures - being real and honest about what we are facing.  We proclaim the promises of the Word.  We worship and thank Him for His faithfulness.  We trust Him to help and guide us.  We confess our fears.  We cast our burdens on Him.  We resist the enemy.  As we cling tightly to Him in these ways, our inner strength is built up and we can face the outward pressures.  He will direct our steps, and guide us in His ways.

“I pray that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man.”  Ephesians 3:16

“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.”  2 Corinthians 4:16

“A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.”  Proverbs 16:9

“The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”  Zephaniah 3:17

“A man’s steps are directed by the Lord.  How then can anyone understand his own way?”  Proverbs 20:24

I confess that I usually don’t know “the way” ahead.  I need God’s help and wisdom.  I’m pressing in to Him and asking Him to strengthen my inner man as I face the problems and issues in life.  He is always faithful to help me!

My heart was saddened this week when Beni Johnson passed away after a prolonged battle with cancer.  Beni was the wife of Bill Johnson.  They co-pastored Bethel Church in Redding, Calif.

I started following her journey after she was diagnosed with cancer in 2018.  She sought out some holistic treatments, and I was curious to see how it went.  If I understand correctly, she had a period of remission before the cancer returned.  She had been undergoing chemo treatment until recently when they felt they should stop as the treatment wasn't working.  She went into hospice care at home.

Thousands, probably hundreds of thousands, of people had been lifting her up in prayer.  It reminded me of when so many people were praying for Floyd's healing.  It also reminded me that, ultimately, our "times" are in God's hands.  He chooses healing or heaven.  Bill said she is now "healthy and free."

My heart went out to Bill in losing his life partner.  I know what that feels like.  I have been praying for him, for their 3 children, their 11 grandchildren, and for the whole congregation.  I pray for God to comfort them in their grief and loss.

Meanwhile I continue to pray for a healing miracle in my body.  I'm asking for a "suddenly" of healing and restoration.  I trust His wisdom, I trust whatever comes to pass......but I'm asking!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth:  it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.  You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.  Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.  This will be for the Lord's renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever."  Isaiah 55:8-13

This is one of my favorite passages of scripture.  It always speaks to me of trusting God's thoughts, His ways.  He is good, true, and faithful.  In all times, we can trust Him.

When Beni first got sick, she asked the Lord what she should do.  He responded - "Just love me."  I think that's what God wants all of us to do in the ups and downs of life - just stay close to Him and love Him.

Carried by His Joy

I have always been intrigued by the "suddenlys" in the Bible.  Things are going along, and suddenly there is a change or something happens.  It may be at the word of the Lord or by a move of the spirit, but suddenly everything is different.  It seems there are between 87 and 167 occurrences of a suddenly, depending on how it's translated.  That's a lot!   I think God is pointing out that what seemed impossible can be made possible when He breaks into a situation with His power and might.  God shows up and instantly things are changed.

There are different words used, different meanings - in an instant, to disturb, to hasten, speedily, quickly, to flee, to be in trepidation - but all mean suddenly! 

One of my favorites is from Acts 16:26 - "Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened, and everyone's bonds were loosened."

Can you imagine what a shock that was?  Wow - quite a suddenly!

I also love Acts 2:2 - "Suddenly there came from the sky a sound like the rushing of a mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting."

The Spirit filling the whole house must have been amazing!  I'm always blessed when I sense the Spirit in my midst - whether alone or in a gathering.

Because I love Christmas so much, I love the passage in Luke 2:13,14 - "Suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly army praising God and saying 'Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom His favor rests.' "

The shepherds must have been awestruck!

As I've been studying these passages in both the New and Old Testaments, I've been praying for my own suddenly - that God would come suddenly with His healing power in my body.  That He would suddenly reverse the tumor growth!  It's a big ask, but I'm asking.

"Suddenly will my righteousness come near, and my salvation will be shining out like the light."  Isaiah 51:5

I read the phrase somewhere "Christlike in the crisis."  That's what I'm praying for!  May God help my heart, my attitude, my responses to be Christlike in everything I'm facing. 

During one of the load shedding times this week, I listened to a podcast.  The speaker was addressing trauma and its impact on us.  He spoke specifically of the pandemic, but applied the principles to other traumas as well.  He warned against the accumulation of disappointments in our lives - not dealing with them - and how that can be destructive. 

I appreciated what he shared.  When I was laying in bed after load shedding that night, I reflected on the podcast.  I was struck by the fact that I've come through 8 years of trauma, and I'm not carrying a heavy load in my heart from those years.  I realized God has helped me time by time to take things to Him.  He lifted the weights from my heart, and tenderly carried me through each situation, each hard time, each disappointment, each trauma.  He has sustained me!  He has been so good to me.

I laid in bed and had the sweetest time of worship - thanking the Lord for His goodness, His grace, and His mercy to me.  I am so, so grateful that He has been with me each day of those 8 years.  I thought back to specific instances that were so hard.....times when I had cried buckets of tears.....times when I didn't think I could keep going.....times when I felt so alone without Floyd.....times when I didn't know what to do.....times when I was so weak physically.  God met me in His faithfulness in each instance.  I could never have survived without His great love and care.  A friend commented - He has been my "trauma absorber."

As I come back to my present situation - I have concerns about my health.  I'm not sure what's ahead.  I truly have to live one-day-at-a-time and take care of myself in that day.  But I've also become aware that there is a sweet joy of the Lord surrounding me.  I feel I'm being carried by His joy - which is my strength.  He is with me in the midst of this ongoing affliction.  He helps me keep my eyes on Him.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 

"Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."  Nehemiah 8:10

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  Romans 15:13

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace...."  Galatians 5:22

My heart is overflowing with gratitude to the Lord - for His sustaining grace these 8 years.....and for His joy in these present days.  He is beyond good and faithful - He is my everything!

He Has Been With Me

A book I was reading recently said that one of the ways to increase our faith as we pray is to thank the Lord for past answers to prayer.  This led to a special time of reflection for me in doing just that.  My list is long, but here are a few highlights from recent years that I'm grateful for:

-  During the same time that Floyd was sick and hospitalized, I was battling cancer with surgeries and chemo treatments.  Meanwhile, I was overseeing and organizing all his care.  Looking back, I honestly don't know how I managed all that!  There is no explanation except that God carried me and sustained me.  He must have had angels working overtime to help me.

-  I was reading back over some of my notes from the early months of Floyd's care.  After his initial 6 weeks in ICU and a further 3 weeks in the hospital ward, I needed to find a longer term facility to move him to.  A friend helped me with researching options.  It was overwhelming.  There was a long list of criteria for his care, and almost none could provide all of them.  It was a HUGE answer to prayer when we found the hospital where he eventually ended up.

-  When we moved Floyd there, I didn't understand that they had a time limit for how long he could stay (only 6 weeks).  I appealed to them to allow him to stay longer.  The end result was that they not only allowed him to stay, but they changed their mission statement to include patients like Floyd who needed long term care.  I always said that Floyd would love the fact that even in his illness he was "pioneering" something new!

-  The hospital couldn't have been more perfect.  The nurses lovingly cared for him - singing to him, praying for him, and even sometimes competing for who would be on the schedule to care for him. It brought such peace to my heart to know he was well cared for.

-  There were gaps of time when I couldn't go to Floyd because of the treatment I was undergoing.  I am so, so grateful for the "Care Team" who faithfully went to spend time with him.

-  I am so thankful for all the intercessors who prayed for Floyd and for me.  I don't think we would have made it without those prayers lifting "our weary arms."  If it was only a matter of prayer, Floyd would have certainly been healed.  One friend commented that he didn't think any one person had ever been prayed for so much.

-  I'm grateful that all of Floyd's (and my) medical bills were paid.  When the insurance (medical aid) dropped Floyd's care, I was tempted to panic.  I didn't know how in the world I would be able to cover all the bills.  I remember crying out to the Lord one day, and hearing Him tenderly speak to my heart that Floyd had served him all his life and He wasn't going to abandon him in this season of life.  I’m so grateful to everyone who gave so lovingly and generously towards Floyd's care.  Those gifts lifted a heavy weight from my shoulders.

-  I can't help but thank the Lord for the peace that enveloped Floyd in his hospital room.  It's hard to even imagine what it was like for Floyd to be trapped in his condition.  But there was a peace and sense of God's presence with him that was almost tangible.  Even the hospital staff commented on it.

-  There were several occasions when I almost didn't make it through all the treatment I was going through.  I remember one time in particular,  I was so weak that I could hardly speak to pray.  This was another time when God so tenderly spoke to me.  He reminded me that I was in His hands.....my "time" was in His hands.  I could relax and trust Him.  It brought such peace and assurance to my heart.

-  While this was all taking place, quite a few of our extended family were going through severe trials.  I didn't share these because they weren't my story to tell, but there were times when it felt like our whole family was under assault.  Thankfully, God graciously brought us all through these times. 

-  I am fairly frequently asked if I understand what happened to Floyd - why he got sick, why didn't God heal him, why did he suffer for so long.  I don't have the answers to those questions.  I've had a few "inklings" about some of it, but I don't even know if those are right.  We'll have to wait until heaven to fully understand.  But I do have to say that God gave me special grace to not worry about those questions.  I was able to trust Him, and put Floyd into His loving care.  I know that was an answer to prayer because I'm usually one who wants to understand things!!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6 

"Without faith it is impossible to please God.....and He rewards those who earnestly seek him."  Hebrews 11:6

"Truly God has listened; He has attended to the voice of my prayer."  Psalm 66:19

"I will give you thanks, for you answered me."  Psalm 118:21

"I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy."  Psalm 116:1

This list is literally just the tip of the iceberg of wonderful answers to prayer that I've seen - both in recent years and throughout my life.  The list is LONG!  Wonderfully long. 

This time of thanking the Lord for His answers throughout my life has built my faith to cope with my news this week that my cancerous tumor has grown.  The doctor’s concern now is that the growth will negatively impact the surrounding organs.  Needless to say, I'm praying for the tumor to shrink. 

I’ve been praying for a healing miracle from the cancer for 8 years.  I’ve seen answers to prayer over that time, but I still have cancer.  It hasn’t gone away.  As I reflected on this most recent disappointing news, I realized that actually nothing has changed.  I’m still going to do everything I can in self care to strive for healing – and I’m going to continue to trust God who has carried me and sustained me over all this time!  I have more information – but I’m going to continue in the same way I’ve been walking.  In short, I’m choosing to persevere!  With God’s help, I’ll keep going.

I may be healed – or I may not.  I may live 1 more day – or 10 more years.  It’s in God’s hands.  I’ll keep asking for the miracle, the answer to prayer - like the widow in the Bible who kept persistently asking the judge for justice against her adversary.  I trust God’s sovereignty over my life come what may.  I’m in His hands – but I’ll keep asking!

God has been with me in all I’ve gone through.  He’s been with me even when it’s seemed He was silent.  He’s been with me when it seemed as if He was roaring like Aslan to keep evil forces at bay.  He’s been with me in tender quiet whispers.  He’s been with me in singing over me.  He’s been with me as He lovingly guided me in hundreds of decisions.  He’s been with me in strength when I felt so incredibly weak.  He’s been with me in my tears as I mourned the loss of my gentle giant.  The point that is so very clear to me right now, today is that He has been WITH me…..and He will continue to be come what may.  Why would I want to go any other way than on the way where He is with me?!  I trust His way.

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.  God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”  Matthew 6:34  The Message

“We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul – not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.  It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy.”  Colossians 1:11 The Message 

 "All who listen to me shall live in peace and safety, unafraid."  Proverbs 1:33 TLB

"Rejoice in the Lord always...Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:4-7

I'm thanking Him for all He's done, and I'm bringing my requests to Him.  I'm grateful for the peace He gives (beyond understanding) as I walk through stressful times.  I have moments of anxiety, but as I turn to Him and share my troubled heart - He always brings me back to a place of peace.  He is faithful!

A Moment of Hope

I've mentioned that winter is hard for me - the cold, wind, rain, the stormy weather, the short days.  It tends to impact my body, and it makes me feel lonely.  Winter is definitely not my favorite season.

But there is one day in winter that I look forward to every year… winter solstice!!  Tuesday this week was our shortest day.  That means we will start getting more sunlight and longer days.  That is exciting.  I heard someone say that winter solstice brings a little more light and with it a moment of hope.  I like that.

Having hope is so important!  It's important to all of us, but especially so if you are going through a difficult time.  We need hope to keep going, to keep pressing forward.  Hope is a simple but powerful tool that God has placed within us.  We have to nourish it.  We have to keep it alive in our hearts.  We have to ask the Lord to fan the flames of hope if it's dying in our hearts.  We have to feed on the promises in the Word that give us hope.  We have to worship the Lord, the giver of all hope.

In hard times there is no middle ground.  We must press into God and stir up hope in our hearts.  If we don't, it's easy to harden our hearts towards Him.  The purpose of suffering and hard times is to produce hope - not to diminish it or destroy it.  Hope for change is what keeps us going.  We serve a God of hope, and He loves to strengthen hope in our hearts.

I could not have made it through these last few years without hope.  On hard days when my hope wavered, I called out to God and He fanned into flame the flickering light of hope in my heart.  He was so faithful!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  Romans 15:13

"By steadfastness and by the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope." Romans 15:4

"Hope that is seen is not hope.  For who hopes for what he already sees.  If we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."  Romans 8:25

"Hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us."  Romans 5:5

"I will hope continually and will praise thee yet more and more."  Psalm 71:14

Being without hope is not a terminal disease.  If our hope wavers, God wants to stir hope alive in our hearts again.  My hope is stirred this week that longer days are coming. :)

During our years in Holland, YWAM purchased a building on one of the main squares in the city - across from the Central Train Station.  Built in 1896, it was the former headquarters of the Salvation Army, but had fallen into the hands of first a cult group and then was used by squatters.  The building was in horrible disrepair.  Over the years we renovated it, and opened it as a ministry center.  I was part of the team working to repair the building many years ago.

Thousands of people, cars, bicycles, tour boats, trams, and buses pass the building daily.  At the top of the building in blue neon lights on one side it said "God Roept U" (God Calls You) - and on the other side it said "Jesus Loves You."

The building sits on one of the entrances into the red light district so it served as a reminder to those entering that God called them to Himself.

We named the building Samaritan's Inn, wanting it to be used as a ministry center to help those in need.  For over 40 years now that has happened in a variety of ways.  I recently received news that a refugee family from Ukraine was welcomed to live in the building in the apartment where we used to live.  That was so special to hear!  The building is still fulfilling its mandate to help those in need.  I know Floyd's heart would be warmed to know this too.  I’m trusting God to minister to them!

"A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers.  They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.  A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.  So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.  But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.  He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine.  Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.  The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, ' and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you have.'  Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?  The expert in the law replied, 'The one who had mercy on him.'  Jesus told him, 'Go and do likewise.' "  Luke 10:30-37

I'm so grateful that the ministry center established so many years ago is continuing to serve in this way.  I sometimes feel helpless to respond to the many refugees from the Ukraine war.  In a very roundabout way, this feels like I've been able to help.

Carried

During this week 8 years ago, my world was turned upside down.  I went to the doctor for a small matter expecting to be given a prescription for some pills to take.  Instead I received some shocking news.  I had an 8.5 pound (3.85 kilos) tumor - the same size as my first child at birth.  The news was unbelievable.  Tests were hurried along.  Surgery was scheduled.  And the results were that it was malignant - I had ovarian cancer.  It was a nightmare.  I didn't realize it at the time, but our unexpected journey had begun!

My first oncologist was efficient in her care, but not very hopeful.  She explained that most of her ovarian cancer patients were gone within 2 years.  She had one lady that made it to 5 years, but that was rare.  A few weeks after surgery, I began a course of chemo treatment.

Meanwhile, we rallied people to pray for me, and I began my own research into other treatments that might be helpful.  Over the coming years I had 8 surgeries, 4 types of chemo treatment, and I worked with an Integrated Functional Medicine specialist who incorporated herbal medicines, massage therapy, and reflexology for my numb feet into my treatment regimen.  

To say it's been a journey is an understatement.  In looking back, I'm not sure how I survived except for God's wonderful grace.  My second oncologist who is much more positive and hopeful calls it a miracle that I'm still alive.  She says that having hope and being involved in one's own treatment makes all the difference in the outcome.  I tell her about all the prayers that have been lifted up on my behalf.  She knows and understands too about Floyd's part of the journey in being ill for over 5 years.  She acknowledges that it's extremely rare to have survived all that has happened.  In spite of the fact that I am still battling cancer, she says I'm doing remarkably well.

God has certainly "carried" me through all these years.  I am beyond grateful, and give Him all the glory for still being alive to write you about this today.  Even though I still have cancer, in many ways He has "healed" me.  Many prayers have been answered.  God has been so, so good to me!

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved."  Psalm 55:22

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Psalm 73:26

"He gives power to the faint, and to him who has not might He increases strength."  Isaiah 40:29

"He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."  Colossians 1:17

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows those who take refuge in Him."  Nahum 1:7

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13 

"They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

I have come close to "fainting" - not surviving, on several occasions.  But God has truly sustained me.  I'm so grateful!

During these years of battling cancer, there were so many times when I needed the Lord's help and presence.  When I was first diagnosed with cancer and had surgery and chemo, Floyd was with me to help, encourage, and support me.  Then he got sick.  For the rest of my surgeries and chemo treatments, I was on my own.  Thankfully, I had my son who moved here to help us when his dad became sick and many dear friends who cared for and supported me.  I am so grateful for all their love and care.

But there were still many times when I felt alone.  I knew the truth of the Word that God was with me, but I couldn't always "feel" His presence.  Time and time again I called out to the Lord, and in His tender mercy and grace - He came in His power and overwhelmed me with an awareness of His presence.  I don't know quite how to describe it, but it was a tangible awareness of Him being right here with me.  I "felt" Him!  I knew He was caring for me.

The truth is that He's with us whether we feel it or not, but I've been grateful for those times when I could feel His presence.  At other times I cling tight to the promise that He's with me.

I have a family member who quite often sees angels.  I've never seen one (that I know of!) - but I believe that angels are watching over me in many situations too.

Whether we see or feel these things, we can rest assured that God is with us as we walk through the difficult things in life.  He never leaves us nor forsakes us.  That is the rock on which we stand firmly when we go through the trials of life.

"When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, 'Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.' "  Genesis 28:16

"And He said, 'My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.' "  Exodus 33:14

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy."  Psalm 16:11

"I will never leave you nor forsake you."  Hebrews 13:5

"Where shall I go from your spirit?  Or where shall I flee from your presence?"  Psalm 139:7

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me."  Psalm 23:4 

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

God is closer than the air we breathe.  We can't see the air around us, but it's there.  We can't always feel God's presence with us, but He's there!  May God help us to be aware of His constant abiding presence right with us.  When we fully understand that He is WITH us, we can face anything.  He is so good!

Faithfulness not Perfection

Like many around the world, I watched snippets of Queen Elizabeth's 70th Platinum Jubilee celebration over the weekend.  Whether you agree with the monarchy or not.  Whether you agree with the celebration or not.  Whether you even like Queen Elizabeth or not.  In spite of any of these, you have to agree that she has been faithful to the task she was given.

Through difficult times, disappointments, embarrassments - even through personal mistakes - she has "kept calm and carried on."

She has read through those papers in the famous red box every day.  She has encouraged the nation in hard times.  She has kept true to the vow she took 70 years ago.  She has never given up.  She has been faithful.

I don't agree with everything she has done, but I do truly admire her faithfulness.  I can relate to going through hard times, disappointments, and personal mistakes.  And I want to be faithful.  I want to hear the Lord say to me "well done good and faithful servant."  (Matthew 25:21,23)

Faithfulness comes from a place of trusting God no matter what.  It means we won't doubt when hard things come our way.  It means we will hold tight to God's hand with every trial and disappointment that we face.  It means we trust His word even when something seems impossible.  It means we trust Him when prayers aren't answered the way we wanted or thought they should be.  Faithfulness can be challenging, but it's what God asks of us.

John Chau was martyred in his attempt to reach the inhabitants of North Sentinel Island in 2018.  Shortly before he died he wrote in his journal that he was scared.  He didn't want to possibly die.  But he felt God had called him to this group of people.  He had prepared for years to go to their island.  He said he wanted to obey what God had given him to do.  I believe he was faithful - faithful unto death.  He laid down his life for the Gospel like many before him down through the ages.

Whatever it is that God has called us to do, all He asks from us is to be faithful.  He doesn't ask for perfection.  He doesn't even ask for success.  He asks for us to be faithful to Him and to His calling in our lives.  I'm trying to do that day by day!

"It is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful."  1 Corinthians 4:2

"A faithful man will abound with blessings."  Proverbs 28:20

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness..."  Galatians 5:22

Some days in my weakness I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything.  It's frustrating.  But then God patiently reminds me that all He requires of me is daily faithfulness to what He gives me to do.  It's one thing at a time in obedience to Him. That's the faithfulness He asks of us. 

This week has been unusual and somewhat difficult.  Due to some complicated water leaks in our area, we've been without water for 4 days.  I have never been so grateful for the privilege of turning on a tap and having water!  I take it for granted.  I realize many in our world live without running water all the time.  Our situation has prompted me to pray for them - and also to have fresh gratitude for running water!

I've also been rather sick.  And in a different vein, I've been dialoguing with a friend about a difficult decision she's facing.  It's complicated.  There is no simple yes or no answer.  We've been asking God for understanding, clarity, and direction.

In dealing with these things, I've been renewed in my thankfulness to the Lord -  that He gives grace to help with unexpected, difficult, and frustrating things; that He gives wisdom in making decisions about health and life; and that He guides us when we don't know what to do.  I would be so lost on my own.  I'm so grateful that God is with me day-by-day and helping me.  He has answers for each situation before I even ask.  He is so faithful!

If I'm not careful, I can take God's help and faithfulness for granted just like I take running water for granted. I have been reminded to be so grateful for both this week!

"How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 36:7 

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped."  Psalm 28:7

"We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are."  Hebrews 4:15

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills - from whence comes my help?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."  Psalm 121:1,2

I praise and thank the Lord for His daily grace and help!

The Power of Praise

I hadn't anticipated that what I thought would be a day of grieving turned into a week.  Early last week precious memories started flooding my heart and mind.  They seemed to just come out of nowhere, washing over me in powerful waves.  So - I remembered, I reflected, I cried, I released things to the Lord, and I let my heart heal.

As I walked through this past tender week - remembering Floyd's "heaven day" - I was reminded yet again of something so important: the power of praise and gratitude!  This wasn't something I planned or thought would be a good idea for this anniversary week.  It was very much Spirit led.

Every time I thought of a loss, a disappointment, a sadness, a feeling of being left alone - I countered it with something that I have to be thankful for.  The impact was amazing.  The sadness became joy.  The feeling of being alone was replaced by a sweet, tangible presence of the Lord.  The disappointment was turned into an understanding of special blessings the Lord has brought into my life on our unexpected journey.  The loss was replaced by God reminding me of all He has done during this difficult time.  Every single thing, every emotion, every heartache, every pain, every tear - as I turned it into worship.....it was lifted from my heart.  It was amazing.  Gratitude and praise are powerful!  They truly are a tool that God has placed in our hands to help us. 

"I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart."  Psalm 9:1

"I will extol the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips."  Psalm 34:1

"Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise."  Jeremiah 17:14

"Through Him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God."  Hebrews 13:15

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God."  Psalm 42:11

Praise is a powerful, restorative tool that God has provided for us.  We often don't remember to use it.  When we offer up praise, it brings God into the center of whatever we are walking through.  It reminds us of our dependence upon the Lord. 

I'm so grateful that the Spirit led me into praise during this tender weekend.  It was the perfect balance for my grief.  And God met me in special ways as I offered up praise.  He is so good!

Yesterday was another "special" day.  It would have been our 55th anniversary.  It's no longer a day of celebration, but it's certainly one of gratitude.  I'm grateful for 54 years with my gentle giant even though some of them were really difficult.  God has been good to me, good to us.

I have kept a list all those 54 years of where we were for each anniversary.  It's quite an interesting list from all over the world!  Every year on our anniversary we would go over it and reminisce of how we celebrated.  I even read it to Floyd each year in the hospital.  I usually got a few smiles, and even some tears.  It was special to keep sharing it with him.  This year I read it alone, but it was still just as special.  We've had a wonderful life.

This week I read a devotional by Blake Staton that was a tribute to Floyd.  It meant a lot to me during this tender time.  I pray that many will pick up the mandate to go to the “least, the last, and the lost.” 

Blake & Tracy Staton were with us in the leadership school we led in Colorado.  They went on to work with the Akha and Akeu tribes in Thailand for many years.  Blake writes a weekly devotional for All Nations International of lessons they learned during those years.  You are welcome to read it if you like…just click here to download. And if you would like to subscribe to it, click here.

"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God."  Colossians 1:10

May you and I each bear fruit where God has placed us!

A Tender Year

Recently someone did something that was hurtful to me.  My first inclination was to react and be upset.  It seemed unwarranted, unfair.  I calmed down and spent time talking to the Lord about it.  I began to wonder what had prompted the person to act the way they had.  I began to pray for the person......and was able to extend forgiveness.  I felt like the Lord helped me to respond rather than react.  As I went through this process, my heart was healed and the hurt was lifted.  I asked the Lord to fill my heart with compassion.

A sentence I read caught my attention.  "Ground that is filled with roots of bitterness needs to be plowed by the grace of God."  It was a good opportunity to ask the Lord to protect my heart from any bitter roots.  They can sometimes grow without our being aware of them!

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."  Romans 12:18

"But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."  Matthew 5:44

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you."  Colossians 3:13

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged.  Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive, and you will be forgiven."  Luke 6:37

I have been forgiven much by friends, loved ones, and especially by the Lord.  Walking through this experience was a good lesson for me to remember to extend that same forgiveness.  I'm grateful for the reminder.

This Sunday, May 29, will mark one year since Floyd went to be with Jesus.  In many ways the year has flown by - but on another level all the "firsts" have been very tender......more so than I anticipated. 

As I've mentioned before, I had already grieved so much and so deeply during Floyd's 5+ years of laying in silence in a hospital bed.  So the "final grief" caught me off guard.  I hadn't anticipated it.  I didn't realize that it would hit so hard and be very different from how I'd already grieved.  But, whether I knew it was coming or not, it came!

It's been a tender year.  While Floyd was in the hospital, I always went to be with him on the "special" days.  I talked with him, shared memories, took photos, and prayed with him.  This year as I walked through all the special days alone, I sensed the Lord pouring His healing balm into my heart.  I have missed Floyd intensely, but I've also sensed the Lord's presence very intensely.  He has been very close, wrapping me in His love as I grieved.  This year has helped to bring a measure of closure to my heart after our 54 years together.  I'm very grateful for that.

As I come to this one year mark, I'm trusting that I'm turning a corner.  I don't know what that would mean, what it would look like.  I certainly don't know what's ahead.  But I sense there could be a new season ahead.  I'm grateful that the Lord will hold my hand as I face whatever the future holds.  

All Nations International honored this one year mark with a special tribute to Floyd.  Some family members and friends have written sharing memories and things they appreciated about Floyd.  Click here to go there   

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."  Matthew 5:4  

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18  

"Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows."  Isaiah 53:4

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...your rod and your staff, they comfort me."  Psalm 23:4 

"He heals the brokenhearted."  Psalm 147:3

I am grateful to all those who have walked with me through this "first year."  For their prayers, love, notes, gifts - their healing words have all ministered so deeply to me.  I'm so very grateful to the Lord for never leaving my side.  I'm glad I didn't have to walk through this alone.

Day by Day Contentment

During the 5+ years on our unexpected journey, one of the things I felt continually challenged by was to "learn to be content" in whatever situation I was in.  And it was challenging!  Being content while I was sick, while my husband was lying in silence on a hospital bed, while I continually faced financial challenges, and while every way I looked there was so much I needed to deal with......it was not a simple matter to be "content."  And yet, God helped me to do just that.  His loving grace enabled me to find peace and rest, to find a place of contentment day by day.  I'm so grateful.

I wish that contentment, once achieved, could just become permanent.  But the very challenge to "learn to be content in whatever state I am in" makes it clear that it's a continual challenge.  I daily face new barriers to contentment.  I find myself coming back to the Lord again and again asking for His fresh help and grace to be content.  He is patient and faithful - He helps me over and over come to a rest, a peace, and yes a true contentment in each situation.

One recent day when I was dealing with some physical issues, I was finding it hard to be "content."  I wanted change.  I wanted healing.  I read a devotional about a 64 year old lady who had been bedridden for more than 16 years.  She was in constant pain and unable to move.  The only thing she could use was her thumb on her right hand.  But everyone who was with her talked about how joyful and thankful she was.  She used a 2 pronged fork with that thumb to put on her glasses, feed herself, sip tea through a tube, and turn pages of her large Bible.  Everything she did was with the use of that right thumb.  She thanked the Lord continually for the use of that thumb, for His goodness to her, and for His saving grace. (Shared from "Our Daily Bread" May 1993).

Contentment isn't learned all at once and it's over with.  It's a daily process of being thankful for whatever blessings we have.  I'm still on the journey of learning contentment!

"In everything give thanks."  1 Thessalonians 5:18

"I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.  In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:11-13

"Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment."  1 Timothy 6:6

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:10 

Each morning as I thank the Lord for a new day, I ask Him to help me have a heart of contentment.  I'm so grateful for His mercy and grace to me.  He is so faithful!

I have been challenged in my pursuit of contentment because it has been a hard week.  One thing after another seems to have "plagued" me.  As I was needing to make some decisions, this verse came to my mind:

"This is what the Lord says, 'Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.' "  Jeremiah 6:16

I took time to bring each matter to the Lord and ask Him for the "good way."  As I've waited in His presence and listened, I feel I'm getting some help and clarity.  I've also received His peace which brings "rest for my soul."  Oh how I need that rest - that soul-rest.  I have had to remind myself to bring each thought, each worry, each concern, each need to Him.  I can't carry them, but He can!  I'm so grateful that for every crossroads that I come to, He can show me the ancient path, the good way.  He is faithful!

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms."  Deuteronomy 33:27

"Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always."  Psalm 105:4

"In anguish I cried to the Lord, and He answered by setting me free."  Psalm 118:5

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  Psalm 143:8

The Treasure of His Presence

A few days ago we had a long day of rain.  It was cold and the skies were gray - definitely not my favorite kind of weather!  But we needed the rain, so I was grateful.  In late afternoon, a friend came to pray with me regarding some things I'm battling.  Just as we finished praying, the sun came bursting out and there was s huge full arc beautiful rainbow.  It was amazing.  I received it as a little "kiss" from the Lord.

I think God often speaks to us through His creation.  Someone said "nature is a glove on the hand of God."  I love to observe and listen to what God might be saying.  If we don't keep a look out, it's easy to miss ways He might be speaking love and encouragement to our hearts through nature.

I continue to be stretched in my faith and walk with the Lord.  It's not always easy, but it keeps me close to the Father's heart.  Sarah Young says we need to always have our "fork of trust and spoon of thankfulness" handy.  I think that's such good advice.  As long as I'm trusting the Lord and keeping my heart full of gratitude for His goodness and mercy, it helps me get through the times of stretching.  Trust and gratitude are powerful weapons in keeping our hearts free of discouragement, free of gloom and doom when things are hard.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him."  Psalm 34:8

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song."  Psalm 28:7

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.  My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning."  Psalm 130:5,6

Some friends from our early days in Holland came for a visit recently.  As we sat chatting, the one common theme that came up again and again was that through the good times and the hard times the goodness and faithfulness of the Lord never stops!  He is our solid Rock!  He never leaves us, never forsakes us.  We can always count on Him.  Through the decades since we first met, God has been so good to us.  We rejoiced in all the ways He has been with us.  What a wonderful God we serve!

I was asked recently what my thinking and motivation was in writing the prayer updates that I send out each week.  It was helpful to think back through all that has happened.  What a journey it's been!!

When Floyd suddenly became severely ill, I knew he and I both needed prayer.  A friend here helped me send out prayer emails, and a friend in the US offered to set up a FaceBook prayer page - the unexpected journey began.  Neither they nor I had any clue of what was ahead of us and how long it would be!!

Initially I shared news of Floyd's condition and prayer requests.  But within a very short time, I felt the Lord prompting me to share things He was speaking to me along the way, things He was teaching me.  Over time the prayer update included prayer requests.....and also recorded the "journey" I was on.  I found it helpful to share.  It somehow sealed things in my heart as I shared how God was helping and meeting me on the roller coaster I was on.  I also began to pray that by sharing my journey it would somehow help others on their difficult journeys.

None of us like hard times, sickness, suffering, sacrifice, financial pressures.  I certainly haven't liked the suffering of recent years.  But when we offer up to the Lord what we're going through, when we ask Him to somehow use it for His glory - then He redeems the experiences and brings good out of it.  I've seen that happen over and over and over again on our long unexpected journey.  I see it as His goodness and faithfulness in the midst of the suffering.  It helps give grace to keep walking the difficult path.

Every once in a while I ask the Lord if I'm to keep writing the updates.  So far, I've felt He has said I should.  Part of the difficult journey is over now that Floyd has passed away.  But the journey of grief and my journey with battling cancer and facing various other pressures continues.  I still feel in the midst of a battle many days.

The wonderful "benefit" of writing the updates has been the prayer support.  I can't begin to tell you what a blessing, strength, and comfort all the prayers have been to me.  I'm convinced I couldn't have made it without them.  I am eternally grateful for all the prayers that have lifted my weary arms.  Thank you from the depths of my heart!! 

"They preached the good news in that city and won a large number of disciples...."We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said."  Acts 14:21,22

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence.  In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]!  For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]  John 16:33 AMP

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen, no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights."  Habakkuk 3:17-19

The one overwhelmingly wonderful thing on our unexpected journey is that it has drawn me closer and closer to the Lord.  That is priceless!  I wouldn't trade that for anything.  It is the gold that has been mined from the deep pits of suffering.  His daily presence and closeness is a treasure.

The King Has One More Move

I recently came across a 3 minute video clip called “Checkmate” that has ministered to my heart and given me fresh faith.  I attach the link at the bottom of this post.  Sometimes things in our lives seem hopeless, but "the King has one more move."  God is at work in ways we can't see.  He is setting things up to do the impossible, to answer our prayers.  He is listening to every cry of our hearts.  He hears every prayer we utter.  He wants to lift every burden we bear.  He longs to meet our needs.  He is faithful!

On the screen in the background of this video clip is a message that says "Never confuse God's silence as inactivity!"  I love that.  Sometimes we pray and all we hear is silence.  But that doesn't mean that God isn't at work.  "In the kingdom of God nothing just 'happens.' "  God is always actively working behind the scenes to help us,  meet us, and answer prayer.

Sometimes when we're in the midst of something, we don't even see what God is doing.  We're so focused on the situation that we can lose perspective.  It's only later that we look back and see "oh yeah, God was working there."  I had that happen a number of times on our unexpected journey. 

I have new prayer requests I'm lifting to the Lord.  Some of them seem pretty huge, pretty impossible, but I remind myself that "the King has one more move."  He's still at work.  He's not finished.  Thank you Lord!

"The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer."  1 Peter 3:12 

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God:  that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us."  1 John 5:14

"Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:12,13

"Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there anything too hard for me?"  Jeremiah 32:27

I remind myself daily that I need to keep faith and hope alive in my heart.  I am not alone.  I serve a God of the impossible.  And I must be careful to not give up too quickly!  It's the Almighty God, the King of the universe that I am bringing my requests to.  He is able, and He is faithful!

During the 5+ years of our unexpected journey, it was so intense and stretching.  After Floyd passed away, I took a deep breath and thought maybe I'd have a season of peace and rest.  But I've found that the Lord keeps stretching my faith.  I've come to understand that it's out of His heart of love for me.  He wants me to keep becoming more like Him so He gives me fresh opportunities to grow.  I don't always like them, but I see them as for my good.  A phrase that is on my mind a lot is "I don't know how Lord, but my eyes are on you."  I truly don't know how I can be stretched any more, but the Lord helps me daily to learn and grow.  I'm so grateful for His grace and strength.

When we first moved to Amsterdam in 1973, we were told that we weren't wanted or needed in the city.  The spiritual atmosphere in the city was bleak - drugs were rampant, the red light district was a thriving industry, only a handful of churches preached the Gospel, and there was a lack of unity among believers.  Our workers loved the city, prayed for it, and poured their lives into serving in whatever way they could.  There were some hard years, but there were also many good, encouraging things happening. Those who came after us continued loving and praying for the city.  Many have faithfully served there. 

A friend who had been with us in those years recently visited Amsterdam.  He said the contrast was like day and night.  It's a different city!  It's been a radical transformation - physically and spiritually.  I couldn't help but think of all the "stretching" years.....but as we kept our eyes on the Lord, He has done wonderful things.  Those prayers have been answered.  

As you and I are stretched in our individual situations, we can be sure that God is with us - helping us, strengthening us, encouraging us, and working to answer our prayers.....even if we can't see it yet. 

"Truly God has listened; He has attended to the voice of my prayer."  Psalm 66:19

"I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy."  Psalm 116:1

"If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land."  2 Chronicles 7:1

I sometimes get impatient wanting to see answers to my prayers.  But, even when I can't see anything happening, I can rest assured that God is faithfully at work!  I thank Him today for all the answered prayers for Amsterdam.

I trust that all you dear mothers will have a blessed Mother's Day on Sunday.  Thank you for your love and care for your families.  Happy Mother's Day!

Our "Nevertheless" Moments

This Easter weekend I had some sweet times of fellowship with the Lord in thanking Him for His death and resurrection - and all He has provided for me through that.  Here in South Africa, Easter is usually when our weather "turns" toward winter but this year we had beautiful, balmy, sunny days here in Cape Town.  It was a lovely gift!

During the years that Floyd was sick, there were many "why" questions that people had.  It was understandable.  With God's help, I was able to turn the questions into trusting God's goodness and wisdom.  Trust became a daily choice for me, and, as I trusted, the questions didn't weigh on my heart.

But now I find myself in a different situation.  I have 2 dear friends who are suffering greatly.  I pray for "healing or heaven" for them as I prayed for Floyd.  But they linger......and I wonder why God doesn't take them home.  God gave me grace to trust Him for Floyd, but now I'm troubled for my two friends.

I was sharing with a friend about this, and she told me what has helped her.  There are "nevertheless" moments in our lives that we have to give to God.  Jesus asked the Father to "take the cup" from Him.....but "nevertheless your will be done!"  Jesus' prayer wasn't answered.  He had to go to the cross - nevertheless He trusted the Father's will.

In the "nevertheless moments" in our lives when our prayers aren't answered in the way we ask, in the way that seems right or logical - that's when we need to trust, to surrender to God's will.

It's interesting that I was able to trust in Floyd's situation, but now I am grieving over the suffering of my friends.  I'm having to dig deeper into trust!  I guess it's a never ending journey.  Thank goodness that God is completely trustworthy!!!  He never fails us, never turns His back on us, never stops loving us.  He is rock solid!

"O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt."  Matthew 26:39

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."  Isaiah 26:3

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths."  Proverbs 3:5,6

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord."  Jeremiah 17:7

The lessons I learned on our unexpected journey need to be reaffirmed as I face new situations.  They aren't "done and dusted" as they say.  I have to apply these lessons afresh and as I do, our faithful teacher takes me deeper into them and draws me closer to Himself. 

This week, as well as the “nevertheless” moments of trust, He has taken me deeper in the lesson of trust in another area too…

I had some things happening physically this week that caused many emotions to come roaring into my thoughts  -  nervousness, anxiety, worry, fear.  They're all feelings that we have at one time or another.  They can pop up over little details in our daily life, or they can land heavily in our thoughts over something important we are facing.  At times, they can feel like a 1000 pound weight we are carrying around.

I didn't want these emotions, I tried to get rid of them, but they persisted.  In those moments I know I need to activate trust in my heart - I need to choose it and ask God to help me overcome the concerns with trust.

I thought of David's proclamation - "When I am afraid, I will trust in You."  He knew the fear was there, but he chose trust.  We can't blame ourselves for having very human emotions, but what we do with them is the key.  I confessed to the Lord that I was worried, and gave the "burden" of the worry to Him.  I spoke out my trust, quoted verses of trust, and asked Him to help me.  The weights began to lift from my heart.  I was able to enter into thanking the Lord for fresh hope and perspective.

It doesn't mean the concerns completely disappear, but it helps me know how to handle them every time they invade my heart again.

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:13,14

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

"My heart is in anguish within me...Fear and trembling have beset me...As for me, I call to God, and the Lord saves me.  Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice."  Psalm 55:4,5,16,17

"May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you."  Psalm 33:22

I can't make it through the trials of life on my own.  I need the Lord's grace, strength, wisdom, and comfort.  As I put my trust in Him, He meets my every need.  He is so faithful!

A Truly Good Friday

Recently in conversation with a friend, he shared with me his mother’s testimony.  She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and given 6 months to live.  That was over 30 years ago!  She is alive and well today.

It was a wonderful boost to my faith to hear this.  My doctor thinks I'm doing "remarkable," but I still have a cancer tumor.  I pray daily for God to dissolve it as it can't be removed surgically.  I am grateful for every day.  Grateful to be alive, and I trust for more years to come.

I have found it important as I pray to be grateful for what I have, and to not be demanding when I bring my requests to the Lord.  Prayer isn't a time to give orders.  It's a time to humbly submit ouarselves into the Lord's care - bringing our requests to Him, with thanksgiving.  When I get tired of the things I'm dealing with, I remind myself of how much I have to be thankful for already.  It helps to "balance" my prayer requests.

This Easter, I think once again that "by His stripes we are healed."  I pray for that.  I am so thankful for the suffering Jesus went through to provide for our healing.

"Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."  Philippians 4:6

"He was wounded for our transgressions; He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed."  Isaiah 53:5

"By His wounds you have been healed."  1 Peter 2:24

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy."  Psalm 103:2-4

I am so grateful for all His "benefits."  He forgives me, heals me, redeems me, and blesses me with love and mercy.  How good and faithful God is.

A butterfly got into my house through an open door recently.  Have you ever tried to catch a butterfly?!  I didn't have any kind of net, and I found it impossible to catch it.  The best I could do was to try and steer it towards the open door.  Finally it flew away.

In the midst of this, I felt the Lord speaking into my heart.  If I'm not careful, I can be like that butterfly - flying wildly all over the place and missing where I need to be going.  It was a special little reminder to keep my focus on Him, on the things that are important, on where I need to go.  I love the special messages that God speaks into my heart!

On this good Friday as we remember what Christ has done for us - and as we prepare for His resurrection victory - I have been meditating on His goodness.  I am so grateful for His sacrifice, His suffering for us, and the provision it brings.  It reminded me of something the Lord spoke into my heart when I was doing my deck walking and praying last week.

We had been having some stormy weather - lots of heavy, gray clouds.  As I looked out towards the ocean, the clouds were so low they looked like they were almost touching the water.  It was a striking image.  As I gazed at this the Lord spoke so clearly into my heart "heaven and earth are closer than we think."  It was an unusual thought, but I felt ministered to that God is so near.  He's not far off.  He's close to us, reaching out to us, ministering to us - we can almost reach out and touch Him He's so close.  The dark clouds almost touching the water were a powerful symbolism of what God was speaking into my heart.

In thinking of Christ's death on the cross today it made me think that what He went through brought heaven close to us!  He has provided the path, the way for us by all He suffered.  He bled and died to bring heaven to us.  He paid a debt he didn't owe to take care of a debt we couldn't pay on our own!  He brought heaven to us through His sacrifice.  I've been overwhelmed in thinking of that - overwhelmed with gratitude!

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life."  John 3:15

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."  John 15:13

"The Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many."  Mark 10:45

"Abba Father," He said, "everything is possible for you.  Take this cup from me.  Yet, not what I will, but what you will."  Mark 14:36

"I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me."  John 14:6

"Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved."  Acts 4:12

Through His suffering and death, Jesus has provided forgiveness so that we might join Him in heaven for all eternity.  I'm humbled by His sacrifice.  I'm undeserving, but He made a way.  Thank you, dear Jesus, for all you've done for us!

You have truly made this a "good Friday."

He is 100% Solid & Sure

One of the days this week my gardener was scheduled to work on a list of things I had for him to do.  But the weather forecast was for heavy rain, so I canceled.  Then I awoke to bright, shining sunshine!

It's not the first time the weather forecast has been wrong.  In spite of all the training, all the equipment - the weatherman doesn't always get the predictions accurate.

I started thinking along these lines and thought of businesses, companies that make promises but don't live up to what they say.  People sometimes make commitments, and then bail on us.  Even written agreements turn out not to be valid because of some technicality.  It can be really hard to put your trust in things.

In my quiet time that day, I couldn't help but think of how solid and sure God's word is.  That is one thing we can 100% count on!  His promises are sure.  His word is unchanging.  He does what He says.  He doesn't come up with excuses to not fulfill what He's said.  He doesn't tell us we missed the fine print somewhere.  He doesn't change His mind at the last minute.  He is rock solid and totally dependable.

In the last few years on our unexpected journey, I often referred to my days being like a roller coaster - up and down, always changing.  The one thing that held me on course was the fact that I knew God was unchanging.  His promises, His faithfulness would carry me through.  That was my security, my strength.  And He proved Himself true.

I'm so grateful that when everything around me may be changing, God doesn't change!  He is solid and secure.  He carries me and keeps me steady.

"God is not man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that he should change His mind.  Has He said, and will He not do it?  Or has He spoken, and will He not fulfill it?"  Numbers 23:19

"For I the Lord do not change."  Malachi 3:6

"The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever."  Isaiah 40:8

"Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away."  Matthew 24:35

I've received some messages recently asking for help in processing grief.  I'm certainly not an expert on this topic, but I've seen God's faithfulness to me in suffering and grief over and over again.  He has carried me and helped me day by day.  Isaiah 63:9 has become a favorite verse for me.  "In all their suffering He also suffered, and He personally rescued them.  In His love and mercy He redeemed them.  He lifted them up and carried them through all the years." 

On days when I felt like I could hardly put one foot in front of the other to keep going, I pictured Jesus weeping with me in my sorrow - and picking me up and carrying me in His loving arms.  Knowing that His love and mercy was there to redeem me in the situation helped me keep going.  He would personally rescue me!

"Trials are, by definition, trying!  They reduce us."

But "if God's presence has led us into trying places, is there really any other place we would rather be?" (from Anonymous - Jesus' hidden years and yours by Alicia Britt Chole).

In the midst of the roller coaster, tears, suffering, stress, grief, and a hundred other emotions - I kept remembering that Jesus has faced everything we face.  He understands!  When He weeps with me, it's from a place of empathy. And then He picks me up and carries me.  He has carried me so often!!  If He has allowed me to be in this trying place, then I can rest assured that His grace will sufficiently carry me through.

"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble."  Psalm 9:9

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

"Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows."  Isaiah 53:4 

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  Psalm 147:3

When we hit a rough spot, when we face loss and sorrow and grief - God doesn't abandon us.  No!  He comes close.  He walks beside us and carries us if we're too weak to keep walking.  He suffers with us and helps us.  He is exceedingly good and faithful.  

I lean into Him daily in my weakness.  He is there for me - and for you! 

Focusing on God's Goodness

This week I was dealing with a stressful situation.  Phone calls, emails, and lots of time spent on it - but no solution.  I was facing a deadline, and feeling the pressure of needing answers.  That night laying in bed, I told the Lord I really needed a deadline breakthrough and the next morning I had it!  I was able to speak to the right person, and I had the way forward that I needed.  It was SUCH a relief!  I was so grateful God helped me sort it out!

In the midst of times like that, it's easy to be frustrated and worry.  I try not to worry, but it's hard.  A helpful tool for me is something that the Lord spoke to me over and over again while walking our unexpected journey.  It's very simple - being thankful.  Whatever I'm facing, whatever I'm walking through, no matter how hard it is - choosing to express gratitude and be thankful in spite of the circumstances is so important.

Now, having said that, it's easier said than done!!  My tendency is definitely to lean into worry.  I have to catch myself, and make a conscious effort to not let worry overtake my thoughts.  A big help to me when this happens is to start thanking the Lord for all the previous answers to prayer!  There are so many.  When I remind myself of how God has met me time and time again, it builds faith to help me in whatever new thing I'm facing that is challenging.

It all boils down to what I focus on.  That night as I poured out my heart to the Lord, I asked him to help me with my thoughts - to help me not dwell on the stressful situation.  It's really important for me to "talk things out with the Lord."  He knows what all I'm thinking anyways - and as I talk it through with Him, it transfers the burden to Him.  When I woke up the next morning, I was still very aware that I needed a big answer, a solution, but the heaviness of it was gone.

And then He helped bring the breakthrough!  I'm so thankful.

"Trust in Him at all time, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."  Psalm 62:8

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  Psalm143:8 

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."  1 Peter 5:7

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."  Philippians 4:6,7

Jesus showed us the example of this.  When he was heavy hearted about something, He withdrew and spent time with the Father.  As I share my worries with the Lord, "with thanksgiving" as the verse above says - it puts the matters in God's hands.  I'm so grateful for how He intervened to help me!

I enjoy watching home renovation/restoration/decorating programs.  It's such fun to watch old, worn out homes turned into beautifully updated living spaces.  One of my favorites is Home Town.  It's filmed in the small town of Laurel, Mississippi.  The couple who renovate the homes, Ben & Erin, say that they hope there will come a time when every old home in the city will be renovated so that it can live on.  What a wonderful goal. 

I was watching an episode recently where they took a really old, worn down, dilapidated home and turned it into a gorgeous masterpiece.  The transformation was remarkable - jaw dropping in the transformation, almost unbelievable.

As I was watching the program, I had the thought come to my mind - that's what God does to us, especially in how he renews our mind.  We are bombarded with tragic, hopeless stories every day in the news.  And often we see sad situations around us where we live.  It's easy to be robbed of hope and joy.  So many needs.  So many difficult problems.  So many hurting people.  So many things that seem impossible to remedy.  It can be overwhelming.

It's really important to ask God to renew our minds so that we can see HIM in the midst of all the needs.  He understands the pressure of the world around us robbing us of our joy, our hope, our faith.  But when we invite Him to come in and cleanse our minds, our spirits - it gives us a fresh start.  It's entirely possible for us to become so distracted by the things around us that we lose sight of His presence in us and with us.  We lose sight of the "hope and future" that He has for us.  We miss how He wants to use us as His instrument in the situations we are so concerned about.

These last few years as I battled cancer and cared for Floyd, I had to be carefully on guard that I didn't lose sight of who God was in my midst, how He wanted to help me with all I faced.  A protection for me was to regularly ask God to cleanse and renew my mind.  It was an important  protection for me to keep from being overwhelmed with all I faced.

Honestly, I don't think I could have made it without the Lord frequently renewing my mind!  Everything was so difficult, so heavy, so many needs and problems.  Some days it felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my frail shoulders.  But every time I came to the Lord and asked him to lift the weights and renew my mind - it felt like I had a new beginning.  His light came shining through the darkness of everything I faced.

I am so grateful for His renewing power in my mind that helps me see clearly who He is in the midst of the problems I face.  I couldn't make it without Him!

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."  Romans 12:2

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."  Philippians 4:8

That verse is such powerful instruction!!  If we truly focused our minds and hearts on that list - our lives would be so different.

"So we do not lose heart.  Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day."  2 Corinthians 4:16 

"They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

"To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."  Romans 8:6

We can't renew our minds in our own strength and power.  Only God can do it.  And He longs to do that for us if we but ask!  He freely gives His renewing grace and power.  How wonderfully faithful He is.

God Isn't Done With Me Yet

Most mornings when I get up I start the day with 3 affirmations of God's promises:

-  that His mercies are new every morning

-  that His grace is sufficient for every need

-  that His power is made perfect in weakness

I speak them out loud, and I remind the Lord that I can't possibly make it without Him.  I've recently been carrying some problem situations on my heart, so I need these promises more than ever!!  

At the same time, I've been reading back through some of my old updates from a few years ago.  I am in awe of all God has carried me through.  He has been so, so good to me - so faithful.  He truly has met me time and time again in my weakness and need.  I can't thank Him enough.

I have to admit that I have sometimes felt guilty bringing my needs to the Lord when I see what people in Ukraine are facing.  My needs seem so small compared to what they are going through.  And then I think that my situation, all our situations could "turn on a dime" and change in an instant.  My life turned upside down 6 years ago, and God got me through it.  I'm so very, very thankful!  And our God who knows all the stars by name is big enough to carry all our problems - big and small.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22,23

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  2 Corinthians 12:9

God's greatness shines through the most in our weakness, and He gets the glory because we couldn't possibly make it without His help!  My trials force me to press in close to Him, and trust Him more fully.  I need to live my life to the fullest as I trust Him to be my sufficiency.  I am so grateful for His faithfulness.  

I love the bougainvilleas that we have here in South Africa.  They are so strong and hardy.  Even in the stormy rain and wind of winter, they bloom brilliantly.  They have beautiful flowers all year long.

So what happened to one of my plants was very surprising.  We have a bougainvillea "tree" at the back of our property.  Some time ago it was weather damaged and we needed to cut it back.  After that - there were no flowers for a long, long time.  I was beginning to give up hope that it would ever bloom again.

Then, all of the sudden it literally "burst" into bloom.  I share the photo above.  It is so beautiful - lovelier than it's ever been.  My neighbors have commented on it.  I look at it out my kitchen window and admire it.

And, as you might expect, the Lord used it to speak to me.  After the roller coaster unexpected journey of recent years, I have felt beaten up and barren.  I have found myself feeling so "weathered" that I've wondered if I'll ever recover.  Watching what has happened with this plant has given me fresh hope.  God isn't done with me yet!  I feel He has fresh "blooms" for me, fresh life and growth.  I wait in expectation for the good things He has in store for me.

"Come, let us return to the Lord.  He has torn us to pieces, but He will heal us; He has injured us but He will bind up our wounds."  Hosea 6:1

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"The God of all grace...after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."  1 Peter 5:10

"Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow."  Isaiah 55:11

Restoration is a recurring theme all throughout the Bible.  I love how we can see it in nature - as my bougainvillea tree has so clearly shown me.  God is healing and restoring me from all that has been robbed and lost in recent years.  He is faithful!

He Knows the Stars by Name

So many times when I've prayed for Ukraine, I've asked the Lord how to pray.  One word keeps coming through loud and clear - hope!  I can't begin to imagine how discouraging and hopeless the situation must be for the dear people there.  Without hope - some measure of hope - I don't know how they can keep going.  Hope is what carries us through difficult times.  There is immense power in hope.

Hope is something we all need in the situations we face.  Whatever we are trying to "make it" through, we need hope - a hope that is rooted in God giving us grace and strength to keep going.  We so often hope "for what we do not see."  We can't do that without God's help.  In fact, our hope reveals our trust in the God who sees everything.

I've noticed that when we've been stretched over and over, we come to a place where we think "that's enough."  We can feel we're at our limit - we can't be stretched more.  And then God takes us further and deeper into lessons He has for us.  I can't begin to count how many times this has happened in my life - and certainly in the last few years.  I've thought, and said, "enough" a number of times.

Hope is what keeps me going.  Hope that God won't stretch me too far.  Hope that He will give me all I need.  Hope that good will come from hard situations.  Hope that His grace really is sufficient for my every need.  This kind of hope is what allows me to survive - and to persevere.  No one is hopeless who knows the God of hope!

"A person can endure almost anything as long as he has hope; as long as he can believe there may come a change for the better.  He can put up with privation; he can stand severe hardship; he can accept harsh confinement; he can live with discomfort; he can be patient through long illness.  Hope works in these ways:

• Hope looks for the good in people instead of harping on the worst.

• Hope opens doors when despair closes them.

• Hope discovers what can be done instead of grumbling about what cannot.

• Hope draws its power from a deep trust in god and His ability to redeem all men.

• Hope regards problems, small or large, as opportunities.

• Hope cherishes no illusions, nor does it yield to cynicism.

• Hope sets big goals and is not frustrated by repeated difficulties or setbacks.

• Hope pushes ahead when it would be easy to quit.

• Hope puts up with modest gains, realizing that "the longest journey starts with one step."

• Hope accepts misunderstandings as the price for serving the greater good of others.

• Hope "lights a candle" instead of "cursing the darkness."

(taken from Village Times, YWAM Kona, 1981)

"Hope does not disappoint."  Romans 5:5

"Why are you cast down, O my soul?...Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him."  Psalm 42:5

"Hope that is seen is not hope.  For who hopes for what he already sees.  But if we have hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."  Romans 8:24,25

"For you are my hope, O Lord God."  Psalm 71:5

I'm asking God for fresh hope in my heart today - for the people of Ukraine, and for you and me as we walk through the difficulties we are facing.  I know God will be faithful to all of us!

While my thoughts and prayers have been lifted up continually for Ukraine, I've also had several other serious matters on my heart.  It can get a bit heavy and overwhelming at times.  I heard a story this week that was really helpful to me.

A minister was addressing a group.  He held up a large piece of paper with a single black dot in the middle of it - and asked everyone what they saw.  Person after person replied that they saw a black dot.  He kept asking what else they saw, but no one had a different answer.  Finally he told them that they missed the most important thing - the large piece of paper. 

The message, of course, is that we often get distracted by something "small" and we miss the big things.  The Lord used this to remind me of lessons He has taught me the last few years on our unexpected journey.  In the midst of the roller coaster ups and downs of trials, He spoke to me over and over again about worship and counting my blessings.  When I focus on Him and on all the good things in my life, the difficult things I'm facing get into their proper place......they are in God's hands.  He's working in them, and helping me with them.  It was such a good reminder.  I'm now looking at the large sheet of paper instead of focusing on the little black dot!!!

I also came across an article that talked about the number of stars in the universe.  A conservative estimate puts the number at 200 billion trillion, or 200 sextillion.

That's 200,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. That's a LOT of stars.  I actually found several different totals listed but this was the most consistent number.  I guess we really don't know the true number - only God does!!

The Bible says God "counts the stars and calls them all by name." (Psalm 147:4)  To put it in perspective, that's more than 10,000 stars for each grain of sand on earth.  I live near a sand covered beach.....lots of grains of sand.....and lots of beaches on earth.....and that many stars for each grain of sand.  Put another way, it's 10 times the number of cups of water in all the oceans of the earth.

Just stop and think about all that for a minute.  The numbers are utterly mind boggling.  I can't hardly wrap my brain around them.  Soooo many stars, and God has a name for them all!!  And yet, He is mindful about each and every one of us.  He is aware of what we are facing.  He cares about every burden we bear.  He is with us continually and helping us with what we are going through.  He never leaves us, never forsakes us, never gets too busy to help us.  He knows the names of those sextillion stars, and He still knows Sally Ann McClung in Cape Town, South Africa.  I'm in awe of His greatness.  He is definitely the "large sheet of paper" and I'm often just focusing on the little black dot.

"I create the light and make the darkness."  Isaiah 45:7

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."  John 1:1

"Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."  Psalm 46:10

"By day the Lord directs His love, at night His song is with me."  Psalm 42:8

There have been a few times at night when I've watched the International Space Station (ISS) move rapidly above us here.  It's quite amazing to see.  And yet - there are many billion trillion stars beyond them.  Our wonderful creator God is beyond our comprehension, but He is caring for us day by day, moment by moment.  I worship Him!