We Can't Be Passive

My heart is aligned to love and trust the Lord.  I know I'm in His hands, and that He is watching over me.  I talk to Him all the time, and feel His closeness. 

So it's surprising to me when something happens physically that is concerning - that my first response is to be anxious.  I guess it's human nature, but I would love it to be otherwise.  I've just had that happen.  I had to rein in my thoughts and emotions and bring them to the Lord.  He wonderfully restored me to a place of peace.   

This fresh experience reminded me of how important it is to control our thoughts.  They can so easily run away from us if we're not careful.  I find it important to bring them to the Lord continually.  Meditating on His goodness and speaking out promises from the Word is a big help.  Standing against the lies of the enemy is crucial.  We can't be passive. 

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because He trusts in you."  Isaiah 26:3

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."  Philippians 4:8

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."  Colossians 3:2

"We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  2 Corinthians 10:5

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he."  Proverbs 23:7

Our thoughts are powerful.  They shape who were are, even who we will become.  They influence our physical well-being.  They impact our emotions.  The Bible makes it clear how important our thoughts are.  That's why we need to continually bring them to the Lord.  We need to counteract lies with truth.  I'm still learning how to do this!

I received a "gift" this week that has so blessed me.  I want to tell you about it because I think it's a gift to all of us who pray for miracles!  I had a check-up with my oncologist this week.  She told me she is very puzzled.  Two years ago when I had the big surgery and spent weeks in the hospital, she had explained to me that there were 2 problems that they couldn't fix.  Over time, the expectation was that those problems would cause even bigger problems and complications.  The outlook was grim.

When she examined me this week, she found the problems were gone!  She couldn't explain it.  She said there's no way that could happen.  She kept saying she was puzzled, and couldn't figure it out.  I told her that "maybe it was an answer to all the prayers people have prayed for me."  She said "maybe so, maybe so."

I came home rejoicing!  I still have cancer and an un-operable tumor, but this "miracle" gave me renewed courage to pray for more healing miracles.  According to my doctor, something like this doesn't just happen.  This has been a wonderful, special, encouraging Christmas gift!!! 

"He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them."  Psalm 145:19

I'm rejoicing this week in Christ's birth - Emmanuel, God with us, coming to earth!  My heart is full of worship for this wonderful gift to mankind.  In spite of our sin, our rebellion, and our weakness God sent His Son to save us.  Thank you Jesus for coming.

"Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel (which means, God with us)."  Matthew 1:23 

I hope you have a wonderful, Merry Christmas!  I pray your heart will be full of worship for Emmanuel.  May you know afresh that He's with you!!

Trouble is Transportation

These past weeks I've had some "weak" days.  I never know when they'll turn up.  I wake up to the day, and have no energy.  The next day I might wake up to lots of energy.  There's no rhyme or reason to it.  I just have to go with what the day gives me.  On a recent weak day, I came across a quote.  "Trouble is transportation - a bad thing can take you to a good place."  

I sat and pondered that for a while.  It's so very true.  My "troubles" have time and time again taken me to a good place - a place of closeness and intimacy with the Lord as I call upon Him for His help.  "When I'm weak, He is strong."  I couldn't make it without His help.  He carries me through the weakness.  Staying close to Him is indeed a "good place."  I'm grateful that I'm not alone in my weakness.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  2 Corinthians 12:9

"He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power."  Isaiah 40:29

"I was with you in weakness."  1 Corinthians 2:3

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Psalm 73:26

I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:13

My "troubles" have led me to His care.  It's a good place to be! 

Our Emmanuel

This week we had "Giving Tuesday."  I'm not sure how it got that designation, or who thought up the idea.  But I like it!  Maybe after Black Friday and Cyber Monday shopping someone thought it would be nice to do some giving.  :)

I've always loved to give.  My mother told me I've always been like that.  I would go through my cupboards and give away toys, hair accessories, simple jewelry and clothes.  I so enjoyed giving to my nieces and my neighborhood friends.  I admire my mother's ability to let me do that......but she herself was such an example of giving.  She gave through her food, and in spite of her limited budget, she always had something to put in the offering plate at church.  She was an incredible giver!

When Floyd and I got married, we had to talk a lot about this because, of course, I wanted to keep giving.  We didn't have much money to give, but I still wanted to give from my "things" that I had.  I so admire Floyd.....instead of fighting me on my desire to give, he decided to join me.  That began a lifetime of giving for us.  We didn't have much, but we always gave.

Two memories come to mind.  When we were newly married, we were at a staff gathering and an offering was taken to send one of our workers to Pakistan.  The Lord spoke clearly to both of us to empty our pockets and wallets and give "everything" we had.  That everything wasn't much - I'd be surprised if it was even $25.....but we did it.  It was a wonderful journey of faith to see how God, in turn, met our needs in the days ahead.

Another time we were traveling and speaking in churches.  We had spoken at a church in Ohio.  During the service, an offering was taken for a missionary.  Again we felt prompted to give our all, little though it was.  After church we went and sat in our car - a YWAM vehicle that we were using for our travels.  The petrol tank was almost empty.  We had no where to stay that night, and we hadn't eaten dinner.  So - we sat in the car and prayed.  We decided with some creative maneuvering we could sleep in the car.  

As we were starting to get things arranged, a car drove up to the driver's window.  A man introduced himself.  He had been at the service that night, and was touched by the sermon Floyd gave.  He was at home, readying himself for bed, when the Lord spoke to him to go back to the church and find us and give us a gift.  He was sure we would be gone, but he obeyed - and gave us $100.  That was a fortune to us!!  We got something to eat, put petrol in the car, and found an inexpensive motel to stay for the night.  And there was some left over to help us as we went to the next place we were speaking.

I have so many of these testimonies tucked away in my heart - some special ones from even before I married Floyd.  These testimonies have created a foundation of trust in my heart.  They showed me that I can give as the Lord leads, and He will always take care of me/us.  He took care of us and the houseful of hippies in Afghanistan when we often didn't have money for the next meal to feed everyone.  God has been a wonderful provider.....and He loves to give too!!

I can't think about the Lord without thinking of His love and generosity.  Through these last years when things were so hard, the Lord gave to me continually.  He gave love, comfort, strength, grace, courage, protection, healing, wisdom, and so much more.  He provided for our needs over and over again.  I can hear in my mind my mother saying so many times - "you can't out-give the Lord."  There is not a truer statement.

As I thought about giving Tuesday this week I feel so grateful that the Lord has allowed me to be a giver - regardless of what I had.  Usually it wasn't much, but I loved giving.  It's truly one of my favorite things in life. 

"Freely you have received; freely give."  Matthew 10:8 

"A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed."  Proverbs 11:25

"Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give - for God loves a cheerful giver."  2 Corinthians 9:7

"Give, and it will be given to  you.  A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."  Luke 6:38

I can hardly believe that the year is almost over.  It seemed to fly by - quicker than normal.  It was a year of contrasts.  Joy and sorrow.  Trials and triumphs.  Healing and sickness.  Smiles and tears.  Peace and nervousness.  Abundance and need.  It reminded me of the book of Ecclesiastes - a time for everything.

The month ahead is all about celebrating the birth of Jesus.  I love this month!  I'm so grateful He came, and I rejoice in the fact that He is our Emmanuel - God with us.  I wouldn't survive a minute without Him being with me.

When I am going through a rough time, my favorite thing to do is to take a few minutes and speak out what Jesus is to me.  He is my Refuge.  My Rock.  My Fortress.  My strong Tower that I run to.  My Strength.  My Healer.  My Provider.  My Comfort.  My Encourager.  My Companion.  My sufficient Grace.  My Joy.  My Protector.  My Hope. My Counselor.  My Courage.  I could go on and on.  He is my Everything!

When I take time to speak out all that Emmanuel is to me, it puts things in perspective.  It balances things out.  When I don't do that, I can easily get overwhelmed with the problems and forget that Emmanuel is with me.

I'm so grateful for His help and presence - day and night, 24/7, in whatever weather we're having, during times of load shedding.  I can call on Him with whatever need I have.  It is such a comfort to know He's with me.  I'm not alone.

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar."  Psalm 139:1,2

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:13,14

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.  My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning."  Psalm 130:5,6

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song."  Psalm 28:7

"When I am afraid,  I will trust in you."  Psalm 56:3

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

God never promised to keep us from all of life's storms and problems.  BUT He has promised to go with us through them.  So grateful that He is WITH us and helps us when we call on Him!

He is a wonderful, giving God!

Kindness is Contagious

There's something missing in our world.  It's not completely gone, thankfully, but it is disappearing at an alarming rate.  It's kindness.  There are still lovely examples of it - and, I have to say, that I'm surrounded by it from family, friends, and neighbors.  I couldn't have survived without the sweet kindness of those around me.  But not a day goes by that I don't read/hear stories of a lack of kindness.  

It often shows up in name calling, mocking, bullying, and slandering.  It's becoming so widespread that it is leading to an increase in suicides - especially among children and young adults.  It's heart-breaking!   It's become so common place.  There doesn't seem to be any shame in it.

Not too many years ago there was a movement for "random acts of kindness."  You would hear daily examples of it - both large and small.  It was so encouraging.  I think we need to start doing that again.

There are amazing benefits to kindness.  It lowers blood pressure, reduces pain, brings longer life, and produces happiness.  It can also lower stress.  In studies it has been shown that caring for others and being kind in various ways greatly reduces depression.  It's a win-win situation for the giver and the receiver.  It can boost health and happiness in ways no medicine can.  Another study showed that engaging in acts of kindness for as little as 3 days produced increased joy and well being in the giver.

It doesn't have to be "great" things.  It can be as simple as opening a door for someone.  Paying someone a compliment.  Leaving a thank you note for a mailman.  Letting a car in in traffic.  Over tipping a delivery person.  Sending a note of encouragement to someone.  The possibilities are endless!!!  And I think that once we set our hearts towards looking for ways to spread kindness, the Holy Spirit will show and guide us in specific ways.

It doesn't cost anything.  We don't have to be rich. It often involves very little effort on our part.  Anyone - young and old - can participate. All we need to do is look for ways to be kind.  And I think it's contagious.  Those we've blessed will probably bless others.  It'll spread.  For every situation where I read/hear of someone being mocked, slandered, or called an ugly name I try to think of a way to be kind to someone.  It's a small effort, but if we all do that it'll have a great effect. 

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude."  1 Corinthians 13:4

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."  Ephesians 4:32

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones......kindness." Colossians 3:12,13

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."  Proverbs 31:26

"So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone."  Galatians 6:10 

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control."  Galatians 5:22,23 

"Love one another with brotherly affection.  Outdo one another in showing honor."  Romans 12:10

"So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them."  Matthew 7:12

"Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.  Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing."  1 Peter 3:8,9 

I could go on and on.  The Bible is packed with verses about being kind.  I'm sure, like me, you have examples of being on the receiving end of kindness.  It's not completely gone, but we need a fresh revival of kindness in our world.  I hope we can lead out in it.   

As I've been writing this update, I was flipping through a magazine and read this statement. 
"Never underestimate the power of a kind gesture - it can change the world."  Amen to that! 

I also found out that Sunday, Nov. 13 was World Kindness Day.  I had no idea.  I'm sorry to have missed it, but we can make our own day!  Any day is a good time to be kind.

Yesterday in honor of American Thanksgiving, I found myself thanking the Lord for things all day long.  God has been so good to me.  I have so much to be thankful for.  My son and I had lunch with a friend.  It was a sweet time together.  I would have loved to have turkey, dressing, candied yams, corn, pumpkin pie and some other typical Thanksgiving day fare - but I enjoyed what we had instead.

Today, the day after Thanksgiving, our family would typically decorate our Christmas tree and enter into the Christmas season.  I'm not doing a tree this year, but I am looking forward to enjoying the season.  It truly is "the most wonderful time of the year" for me!  I love it. 

Christmas is a time for hope.  It's when we celebrate the hope of the world being born.  I'm so grateful that Jesus came - and I have hope for many answers to prayer in this season of hope.  

I heard this phrase recently:  "Hope begins when you stand in the dark looking out at the light."  It resonated in my heart because it feels like that's what I've been doing these past years in so many ways.  I stood in the dark while Floyd was so sick.  I stood in the dark as I trusted the Lord for provision to pay all the hospital bills.  I stood in the dark as I battled cancer.  I stood in the dark as some family members went through deep trials.  I stood in the dark as our ministry here went through some powerful shakings.  So many times I "felt" the darkness of all I was going through.

But in the midst of it all - I could see the light!!!  I could see, sense, feel, trust and hope for the light of the Lord to come through for me.  And He did!  Time and time and time again He met me.  He answered prayers.  He strengthened me.  He comforted me.  He provided for me.  He encouraged me.  And He built faith in my heart to hope for all the things I needed.  God was so, so faithful!  He is always the light that we can see when we stand in the dark moments in our life.

"For God, who said, "Let there be light in the darkness," has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God."  2 Corinthians 4:6

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.  My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning."  Psalm 130:5,6

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."  John 1:5

"The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?"  Psalm 27:1

"Then God said, 'Let there be light' - and there was light."  Genesis 1:3

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."  James 1:17

"For the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth."  Ephesians 5:9

"Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you."  Isaiah 60:1

No matter how bad, how dark things may seem - there is always hope.  And there is always God's light on the other side of the darkness.  He has helped me walk from darkness into light over and over again these past few years.  I am so grateful.  I bask in the light of His presence in my life.

His Wraparound Presence

I’ve shared about grief a number of times lately.  It comes in many forms and there is no expiration date!  I find my grief often pops up because of a memory trigger.  A sweet memory from the past comes to mind, and I miss Floyd all over again.  I'm grateful for the memories.  They are treasures that I savor.  But they do expose what's missing now, what I've lost.

I've never walked through this kind of grief before, so I don't know how long it will last - but I have a feeling it will stay with me.  I am also guessing it will be less intense as time goes on.

"The process of mourning is as unique to a person as a fingerprint."  I read this quote a few days ago.  I know it's true.  I have several friends who have lost their husbands, but each of our journeys are very different.  And that's okay.  We can grieve and mourn in any way our heart needs.  There's no right or wrong way to grieve.

I've found myself praying for comfort, grace, and healing for many others who are grieving.  I know the Lord is mindful of each one of us in our grief, and I pray for His "wraparound presence" to be with each of us.

"Your wraparound presence is my shield."  Psalm 7:10 TPT

"His wraparound presence is all I need."  Psalm 62:1  TPT

"Surely He hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows."  Isaiah 53:4

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction."  2 Corinthians 1:3

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."  Matthew 5:4

In many ways I "lost" Floyd almost 7 years ago when he first became sick - even though he only passed away a year and a half ago.  I want to testify to the Lord's goodness, comfort, care, and faithfulness over all that time.  He has truly been my "wraparound presence."  I'm so grateful!

This week has been a roller coaster one - up and down.  One day I'll have lots of energy.  The next day I'll have no energy.....I'm like a limp, wet rag.  I've learned to listen to my body and go with what it's saying to me.  I have so much I want to do, but some days it's not possible to do much of anything.

The one constant thing for me is that I'm grateful to be alive.  My doctor calls it a miracle, and I think she's right.  After all I've been through in recent years, I'm so thankful for life itself......even on my weak days.  The Lord carries me.  He is my strength.

With American Thanksgiving next week, I've been thinking of all the things I'm thankful for.  There are many!

-  As I said, I'm thankful for life itself.

-  I'm thankful for my family and friends who walk with me on this journey.  They have been so supportive.  I'm thankful for the modern communication that allows us to be in touch even through scattered all over the world. 

-  I'm thankful for our home.  It's such a blessing - my retreat.  Even though I spend so much time here because of my isolation, I never get tired of it.  I think one reason is because of the lovely ocean view I have.  It's ever-changing, and always reminds me of God's awesome creation.

-  I'm thankful for all of those who pray for me.  It gives me a sense of security, comfort and hope.

-  I'm thankful for meal delivery.  My cooking days are over!  During the pandemic many wonderful cooks opened up home based meal delivery.  It's wonderful!

-  I'm thankful for a good doctor who has walked with me on my cancer journey.  She's just a phone call away, and has been so supportive.

-  I don't drive a lot, but I'm thankful for my 21 year old car that is still in good shape and will probably serve me the rest of my years.  It was a miracle how I got it, and has been such a wonderful provision.

-  I'm thankful that winter is over and we're having lovely spring days. :)

The list could go on and on.  I have so much to be thankful for.  Most of all I'm thankful for God's goodness and mercy to me.  He has been so faithful day in and day out.  I sense His presence with me.  I don't feel alone, or lonely.  He is my strength and grace, my help, my counselor, my provider, my protector.  I couldn't make it without Him.

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him.  Nahum 1:7

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save."  Zephaniah 3:17

"For in Him we live and move and have our being."  Acts 17:28

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope."  Psalm 130:5

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11 

Choose Trust Every Day

I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't feel heartbroken over something that is happening.  It can be close to my heart - a friend or family member who is very ill.  It can be a tragic event in our area, like the fire in a nearby township.  It can be a catastrophic weather event.  They seem to be happening almost constantly all over the world.  My heart breaks - I want to do something - I want to change things - I want to meet the need, solve the problem.  But here I sit on my own battling cancer.  It's frustrating.

I was talking to the Lord about this, and He reminded me of a verse in Psalm 46:10.  "Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."  

I know it boils down to trust.  I need to trust the Lord.  None of the problems are too big for Him, and nothing is out of control.  He is bigger than anything that is happening, and He is at work to accomplish His plans and purposes in our world.  When I don't understand, I need to simply tell Him I trust Him.

Trust is a lesson that I have learned over and over and over these last 8 years.  But it's not a lesson that is ever finished - "done and dusted" as they say here.  It's a lesson that I have to keep committing my heart to.  I have to keep choosing trust repeatedly.  When I make that choice - there is a "peace that passes understanding" that comes.  When I don't choose trust, there is the frustration of not being able to do something about all the needs and problems.

I am choosing trust afresh today.  There are several things that are heavy on my heart.  I am giving them to the Lord one by one.  I am expressing my confidence in the Lord to "be exalted in the earth" in each situation, each need, each problem, each concern, each worry, each fear.  He is trustworthy.  He is faithful.  He is over all!  He is mindful of every small and large thing on my heart.

"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.' "  Mark 10:27

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God!"  Psalm 42:5

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."  Hebrews 13:8 

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."  Proverbs 19:21

God is at work.  He is mindful of all that is happening.  My trust is in Him.  I will keep making that choice.  And I choose not to strive.

If you've read many of my updates, you know that I often hear the Lord speak to me through His creation, and through the every day things of life.  That happened to me this week.

Floyd was always very security conscious.  From the very early days of leading teams in outreach, he would carefully think through security protocols.  He felt if people were placed under his care then he wanted to do everything he could to protect them.  I always loved that about him.

When we moved to where I live now, he, once again, thought through all the security issues.  One important one is that we live in a fire risk area.  He bought fire extinguishers to place in many rooms of the house, in our little shed, etc.  These red canisters need to be serviced regularly in order to be at top form should they be needed in an emergency.  I'm grateful I've not had to use them, but I definitely want them to be fully functional.

So, this was the week when the service man came to our house to check that they are in working order.  He does some kind of "top up" to make sure they are fully ready to be used.

As I watched this process, I felt that little inner voice speaking to me.  I, too, need to have check ups to make sure I'm fully ready to be used by the Lord for whatever He has in store for me.  I can't just hope that all is well.  I can't postpone checking in with the Lord to see what He is speaking to me - what lessons he wants me to learn.  I can't neglect time with Him.  I can't skip reading His word.  I can't neglect talking to Him.  I can't neglect worshipping, praising, and thanking Him.  I need the regular "servicing" of the Holy Spirit to keep me in top form in my walk with the Lord.  Without adequate preparation, I won't make it through the "fires" of life.

I love visual reminders of important spiritual lessons.  The visuals stick with me, and remind me of important principles.  My fire extinguishers being maintained gave me a powerful visual this week - and will continue to do so when I see them around my house! 

"Physical training is good, but training for Godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come." 1 Timothy 4:8

"The one who gets wisdom loves life; the one who cherishes understanding will soon prosper."  Proverbs 19:8

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:13

"The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him."  2 Corinthians 16:9

"The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."  Isaiah 58:11

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills - from whence comes my help?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."  Psalm 121:1,2

I'm so grateful that the Lord is available 24/7 to fill us up with everything we need to face the "fires" of life.  He is so faithful!

Not Always Smooth Sailing

On Tuesday this week was the 16th anniversary of Floyd and my arrival in South Africa.  We arrived with 4 suitcases, very little money, and very little support.  It was just the 2 of us.  We didn't have a team.  We had a friend who invited us to stay with her while we got our bearings and figured out the way forward.  Our coming to South Africa was an act of obedience, and a fulfillment of something God had put on Floyd's heart many years before.  He had a deep, passionate love for Africa, and felt someday we would live and work here.  We never dreamed we would be starting over at 58 and 61 - but here we were!

Much has happened in those 16 years!  Some wonderful releases and victories, some wonderful people who joined us, and some wonderful confirmations that we were where God wanted us to be in this season of our lives.  But there were also some disappointments, some painful things, some very sad things, some very hard to understand things.  It was definitely not all plain sailing.  It was more like a giant roller coaster.

When we're obeying God and following in the paths He's chosen for us, I think we often expect things to go well, to go smoothly.  After all, we're doing what God told us to do!!  But over the 54 years of our married life and ministry I've learned that it doesn't always go that way.  We're involved in spiritual warfare as we seek to establish the things on God's heart, and that means "battles" along the way.  The encouraging thing is that God is right beside us in each and every battle.  He never leaves us to go through the warfare alone.

Even before the shock of Floyd's illness, the years in the hospital, and his eventual death - there had been spiritual battles.  And during his illness and since his death, there have been more.  I don't know why they catch me off guard.  The enemy doesn't want us to "win" in establishing the Kingdom.  He will fight us in every possible way.  But God always triumphs!  He wins.  He is victorious.  He is faithful to be beside us each step of the way.

We expected Floyd to be with us for many more years.  We expected him to walk with us as All Nations pioneered here in Cape Town and in sending workers across the African continent.  But that wasn't to be.  God had other plans - ones I don't fully understand.....but ones I trust with all my heart.

In All Nations International we want to see the things on Floyd's heart fulfilled.  One way we're doing that is establishing a scholarship fund to develop, equip, and empower African and women leaders.  I know Floyd would be so happy about this.  Floyd is now with Jesus, but his vision from the Lord lives on!  If you would like to know more about this fund click here.

"I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields!  They are ripe for harvest."  John 4:35

I'm excited about what God wants to do in South Africa and throughout the African continent!  He has good things in store.

Grief is an ever-changing emotion.  You think you've worked your way through it, and that healing has come.......and then something touches a vulnerable spot and it all flares up again.  I've read enough about grief to understand this is normal, but it still takes me by surprise sometimes.  Grief, however many times we walk through it, is a necessary part of healing.

As I went through my day on our arrival anniversary the grief came again and it turned out to be a tender day - sweetly so, but tender.  I love it here - it's home - and I have no plans to leave.  But all day long I kept thinking that I never dreamed I'd be living out these years alone.  Floyd was always so healthy and so physically strong and fit.  I could never have imagined what happened to him.  On this special day, I felt the grief of losing him all over again.

That same day a dear friend of ours passed away.  Actually, he was more than a friend.  He was a very key mentor in Floyd's life.  Dr. Gordon Fee impacted Floyd's life and ministry in so many ways.  He even visited us in Afghanistan and Amsterdam.  I can imagine Floyd and Gordon sitting together and catching up in heaven - and talking about their beloved Book of John.  Sweet memories from the past - sweet thoughts of them being together in heaven - and some tender grief popping up again.

Grief doesn't come in an orderly timeframe - a neat little box.  Just when we think we've dealt with it, another wave washes in.  Sometimes people think we should hurry along and get past our grief, but I've found with each new wave of grief the healing to my heart is sweeter and more precious.

I'm sure this will keep happening.  When it does, I turn to the Lord who has "borne our grief and carried our sorrows."  He lovingly brings fresh healing to my heart.  The Queen said "grief is the price we pay for love."  I'm grateful I can pay that price.  I've had such a wonderful life of love with my gentle giant.

"Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy."  John 16:22

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."  Revelation 21:4

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18 

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  Psalm 147:3

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."  Matthew 5:4

"Jesus wept."  John 11:35

I'm comforted to know that Jesus understands grief.  And He lovingly comforts my heart when a wave of fresh grief comes.  I feel wrapped in His loving arms.  I'm so grateful!

The Gift of Peace

Proverbs 23:7 tells us that "as we think, so are we."  Our thoughts have such a powerful impact on us......much more I think than we even realize.  We are constantly bombarded with bad news.  It comes at us from all directions.  If we're not careful, it can overwhelm us and dominate our thoughts and emotions.

It's important to understand what is happening in our neighborhood, in our nation, and in the world.  We need to be aware in order to know how to pray.  Otherwise we can simply pray into a vacuum.  We can't hide away from the reality of what is going on in our world.

But our prayers for the "needs" around us should be balanced with "gratitude" for the good things around us.  I don't always get it right, but I try to do a simple thing: for each "need/concern/worry" that I lift up in prayer, I try to balance it with "thankfulness" for something.  It's a little thing to do, but I find it protects my heart from being weighed down.

During the years that Floyd was in the hospital and I was battling cancer - there were also some big things happening in the lives of other family members and some big things happening in our ministry.  I was very concerned, and I could have easily spent my whole day in prayer!!  The Lord spoke to me about surrounding my prayers with thankfulness, like a glove.  On the darkest of days, when the heaviest things were happening - I tried to find this balance.  There is always something to be thankful for.  I found this simple "equation" to be a massive protection to my heart.  It protected me from being overwhelmed.  In fact, whenever I start feeling overwhelmed, I try to stop and start thanking the Lord for His goodness, His mercy, His protection, His provision, His wisdom, His companionship, His healing, His faithfulness.  Doing this very quickly brings me back to balance in my heart and mind.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits."  Psalm 103:2

"Praise the Lord.  Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever."  Psalm 106:1 

"Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for mankind.  Let them sacrifice thank offerings and tell of His works with songs of joy."  Psalm 107:21,22

"Let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise - the fruit of lips that openly profess His name."  Hebrews 13:15,16

***Note the last 2 verses mention sacrifice.  We may not always feel like being thankful because situations burden our hearts and minds so heavily.  But the sacrifice of worship turns the situation around!!

There are dozens and dozens of verses that speak to how important it is for us to be thankful and worship the Lord.  The Lord knew we would need to be continually reminded of this important principle.

Recently a family member was in a dangerous situation.  I was very burdened and praying continually.  I felt the weight of the situation.  Then the Lord reminded me of balancing my prayers with praise.  As soon as I started doing that, I felt the heaviness lifting.  I was still concerned, still praying up a storm......but not carrying it by myself.  The Lord took the burden.

I love this "equation" that He's given me.  It's a gift and protection!

Over the last 8 1/2 years I have faced things that were stressful, bewildering, painful, and sad.  Things that were hard to understand.  Things that stretched my ability to cope.  Even now I continue to face challenging things.  I know I can't make it on my own.  I am totally dependent on the Lord.

God has given us many good gifts.  He is a loving, generous Father.  I think one of the gifts I appreciate the most is His peace, a peace that is independent of circumstances.  A peace that makes no sense except it comes as a gift to us in hard situations.  I could not survive without His gift of peace.

Many times on the hardest, hardest, hardest of days I have been keenly aware that I'm carried through the day on a miraculous wave of peace that comes from the Father's heart.  He knows what I need and He washes over me with that sweet peace.  It might be a "small" thing that I'm dealing with - or it might be a mighty life and death issue......whatever it is, God's peace enables me to make it through the day.

I faced something this week that was hard for my heart to bear.  Once again, as I turned to the Lord, He covered me with His gentle, loving peace.  He lifted the heaviness and replaced it with His peace.  Yes, He gives many gifts, but the gift of peace is such a precious one.  It's one that we need over and over again - and God gives it freely and generously.  I'm so grateful!

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  John 14:27

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."  Psalm 4:8

"May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way.  The Lord be with all of you."  2 Thessalonians 3:16

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness..."

Galatians 5:22

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."  Isaiah 26:3

Nothing and no one can give the peace that the Lord gives.  It doesn't even make sense to the natural mind - we face hard, impossible situations......and God gives a peace that defies what we're facing and enables us to keep going.  His peace is a priceless gift!  I thank Him for it today.

Letting Go of My Weights

I read a story recently about the army of Alexander the Great.  His troops had experienced one victory after another.....but they had become so weighted down with plunder from those victories, that they were in danger of losing their ability to keep fighting effectively.  Alexander directed that the spoils be thrown into a heap and burned!!!  You can imagine that there was much complaining.  But it was effective.  Without the weight they had been carrying, they went on to victory after victory.  "It was as if wings had been given to them."

This story reminded me of how important it is to not let "things of this world" weigh me down.  I must continually give any weight I carry to the Lord.  It's a daily process.  As I do this, He will lift the burdens from my heart and help me persevere and endure.  I'm so grateful for His help in keeping my spirit light!

"Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up.  And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."  Hebrews 12:1

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2,3

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."  Philippians 4:8

"Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith."  1 Peter 5:8,9

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."  Zephaniah 3:17

As I've been writing this, I've been thinking of all the "weights" the Lord has taken from me these last 8 years.  I would not have been able to keep going if the Lord hadn't carried the heavy weights.  He has been so faithful!  I am grateful for His loving care.  I am still standing, and able to face whatever is still ahead because of His goodness in helping me on this long journey!

A family member recently sent me some very old family photos.  Some were of my mother as a young woman.  Her husband died in surgery, and she was left with 4 children to raise on her own.  A few months later her father, who she was very close to, died.  She had a hard life!  I've always admired her walk with the Lord and her depth of prayer.  I think it was born out of her difficult situations.  It's no wonder she prayed a lot - she had to to keep going!

When she married my dad and I came along, I grew up watching my mother turn to the Lord time and time again in hard times.  I observed her faith and her prayer life.  She "mentored" me by her example.  When I've faced difficult times, I've known what to do because I saw how my mother had responded when faced with tragedy, financial challenges, family struggles.  I saw how God helped her and met her needs time and time again.

I read a poem recently:

"Sow a thought, and you reap an act;

Sow an act, and you reap a habit;

Sow a habit, and you reap a character;

Sow a character, and you reap a destiny."

Our responses in the simple, everyday events of our lives shape us into who we are - and who we will be as life goes on.  It's not just one big forever choice....it's many, many choices along the way.

I look back over my life and see how God was shaping and forming me from my early childhood on.  Without that forming in my life, I don't think I could have withstood the recent difficult years.  He prepared me for my "destiny.” 

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."  Psalm 139:14

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations."  Jeremiah 1:5

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."  Ephesians 2:10

"But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand."  Isaiah 64:8

"Know that the Lord, He is God!  It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture."  Psalm 100:3

"Character is formed by making choices in one direction."  I am so grateful for God's hand on my life in helping me make choices towards Him.  He has lovingly prepared me for the things I have faced.  I could not have made it without His guiding hand.  He is so faithful!

Little by Little

I continue to feel like I face a mountain of things to do.  Most days I chip away at the mountain, and just do what I can.  But some days the mountain seems to loom over me in such a way that it feels impossible.  On one such day I read an old devotional from "Our Daily Bread" that encouraged me.

A little boy with a small shovel was trying to clear a path of deep snow in front of his house.  A man came by and asked how someone as small as him could expect to complete such a big task.  The boy looked with confidence at the man and said "little by little, that's how!"

I love that story.  It encourages me to tackle my "mountain" the same way - little by little.  Doing what I can, when I can - little by little - is a strategy for victory!

This was an important reminder for me when I hurt my back a few days ago.  I was stopped in my tracks by the pain.  My first response was to think of it as such a big setback......but then I was reminded of the little by little.  Whatever the "little" was for the day, that's all I had to do.  The discouragement I was feeling because of the setback was lifted, and I carried on.

Lessons like this seem "little" in themselves, but I find them so important in persevering.  I'm so grateful for how God speaks to me through them.

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

"If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible with you."  Matthew 17:20

"For nothing will be impossible with God."  Luke 1:37 

I keep thinking of the 5 loaves and 2 fish and how God took the "little" and fed a multitude.  God can take my "little" and work miracles and great things!  I trust Him for that. 

During the years that Floyd was hospitalized, I would stand by his bed and remind him that even though he was in a season of silence his "voice" was still being heard.  I would share testimonies of that with him.  Sometimes he shed a few tears.  Other times he gently smiled.  Often he just listened intently and would try to make sounds to speak.  I know it encouraged him - and it was true.  His "voice" of things he had ministered was ongoing.

Mary Ho, our All Nations International Executive leader, recently visited Malawi.  Several of the leaders there mentioned how Floyd had mentored them, and they were carrying on with what he had taught them.  It was so encouraging to hear this and reminded me again that Floyd's "voice" is still being heard.  I quote below a portion of Mary’s update letter: 

“…but what touched me the most is how it all started…  
Years ago, Rebman, one of our Malawian pioneer leaders, had come to Cape Town seeking work and was living in a cramped shack in the poor Masiphumelele township. He shared how our towering (6 foot 6”) All Nations Founder Floyd McClung would visit him every two days and disciple him. “Papa Floyd would squeeze in and sit on the floor just like us. He understood our African hearts. And he would always wash his own cup before he leaves,” shared Oliver and Rhoda, our very first Malawian pioneer leaders. Rebman knew that he needed to take back to Malawi what Floyd had imparted to him.”

These testimonies speak loud and clear to me of God's goodness and faithfulness.  I was reminded afresh that sometimes the answers to our prayers take time.  We can't give up hope if we don't see immediate answers.  I wish we could see all the ways God is working to answer our prayers.  I think we would be amazed!!

"He is the Rock; His deeds are perfect.  Everything He does is just and fair.  He is a faithful God who does no wrong; how just and upright He is!"  Deuteronomy 32:4

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."  Hebrews 10:23

"Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long."  Psalm 25:4,5

"I have set the Lord always before me.  Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."  Psalm 16:8

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11 

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  Psalm 143:8

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."  Hebrews 11:1

I am so grateful to the Lord.  He is mindful of every prayer we pray!!  And He is working on our behalf to answer those prayers.  He is so faithful.

An Overwhelmed Juggler

Have you ever watched a juggler?  They may use balls, apples, bowling pins, or even eggs.  They start with a couple, and pretty soon they're juggling a whole bunch of the items - keeping them going in the air without any of them falling.

That's kinda how I feel right now.  I've got so many things going on that I feel like I'm juggling them all - and hoping that none of them fall!  I never signed up for the circus, so this feels totally outside of my skill set.

I was asking the Lord for wisdom and help with these things.....and the words of an old, old song came to my mind:

One day at a time, sweet Jesus

That's all I'm asking of You.

Just give me the strength to do every day

What I have to do.

Yesterday's gone, sweet Jesus

And tomorrow may never be mine.

God help me today

Show me the way

One day at a time.

That's been my prayer!!  I find it's easy to get overwhelmed with all the things I'm juggling, but if I break it down to one thing at a time, one day at a time.....it helps me receive His strength and grace.  I'm trying to do this!  I learned that the most balls someone juggled was 24 - the average was 16.  I don't have near that many, so I should be able to make it. :)

"I am the Lord, the God of all mankind.  Is anything too hard for me?"  Jeremiah 32:27

"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' " Matthew 19:26

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

"Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you."  Mark 11:24

"Ah Lord God!  Behold, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm!  Nothing is too difficult for you."  Jeremiah 32:17

A friend sent me this quote from Corrie ten Boom:

"The wonderful thing about praying is that you leave a world of not being able to do something, and enter God's realm where everything is possible.  He specializes in the impossible.  Nothing is too great for His almighty power.  Nothing is too small for His love."

I'm so grateful that God is mindful of each thing I'm juggling - both great and small......and He is helping me.  I live in His "realm where everything is possible" because of who He is.  He is my constant, faithful help!

I can't believe that tomorrow is Oct.  This year has just flown by!

In my full week of juggling, a couple things were particularly intense and challenging.  I committed them to the Lord beforehand, and as I walked through them I could so sense the Lord's presence with me.  I felt wrapped in His presence - almost like I could reach out and touch His arms, His love surrounding me.

I know I've shared similarly before, but it never ceases to amaze me.  He is a refuge for me when I go through the intense things.  He brings breakthroughs to me.  His grace is enough for each challenge.  He has carried me over and over and over again.  I continually find my peace and rest in Him.

As I experienced this in these past few days, a friend sent me a video clip about His presence.  It was a timely  confirmation of God's sweet presence with me.  He never leaves us alone.  He walks with us through each and every situation we encounter.  My heart sings with joy for this wonderful promise!

"He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."  Psalm 91:4

"Why are you  in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence."  Psalm 42:5 

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

"My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest."  Exodus 33:14

"For in Him we live and move and have our being."  Acts 17:28

"You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."  Psalm 16:11

I am so grateful for the Lord's presence in my life - both on a daily basis, and especially in times of need.  I couldn't make it without Him!  He is so good and faithful.

He Will Carry Us Through Hard Times

Some recent events have touched the tender spot in my heart of missing Floyd.  I heard someone say that the heart may heal, but the scar never goes away.  I think that tender spot is my scar.  Life doesn't come with a guidebook, but the heart does heal......it just takes time and leaves a little scar.  Every once in a while the scar gets ripped off and I miss Floyd intensely.  I know it's all part of the healing process.  It was the Queen herself who said "grief is the price we pay for love."  I'm glad to have loved well even if the grief comes every now and then.

Because I'm still needing to be isolated, I'm on my own a lot.  One of the questions I often get asked is if I feel alone - if I'm lonely.  The answer is yes, I definitely have times when I feel that way.  But - the key the Lord has taught me is to take those feelings to Him immediately!!  I can't let them take root in my heart, or they'll become destructive.   

It's the same when I have anxiety about something - or fear for the future.  I can't allow those feelings to stay.  God has clearly spoken to me to take my aloneness, my anxiety, my fear to Him right away.  When I do - He comes rushing in with His strength and grace to help me.  He is my companion.  He never leaves me alone.  He holds my future in the palm of His hands.  He has comfort to give for every anxious moment I have.

When I get into trouble is if I let those things linger in my heart and mind!  If that happens, they grow and multiply and take over my emotions.  I have to take them to the Lord right away.  When I do that, He faithfully, graciously, lovingly meets me with all I need.  He understands and He helps me.

Recently something was bothering me.  I was giving it to the Lord, but having a hard time receiving His help.  The verse from the Song of Solomon 2:4 came to me - "His banner over me is love."  I could see in my mind's eye a beautiful rainbow over me filled with hearts of love.  It covered everything around me, and the hearts were dropping onto me.  His love and help for me was abundant!!  That verse and image helped me receive His love and the help that I needed.

"I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38,39 

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  2 Corinthians 12:9

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

"Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

I am so very, very grateful that God is with me 24/7.  I miss Floyd, but I'm not alone.  My precious Lord is with me continually.  Sometimes I just need to quieten my heart to be aware of that.  I am so grateful for His loving presence.

I was speaking with a friend who has gone through a long season of trials.  My friend shared that it's been impossible to understand everything that has happened - but in surrendering it all to the Lord, some clarity is coming.  There is the beginning of seeing some of the Lord's purposes in it.

I could so relate to what my friend shared.  We may never understand "everything" that has happened in our trials, but we can rest assured that God is working to bring good from them.  I've seen that over and over again these past few years.  

I frequently hear from family and friends who are still puzzled by what happened to Floyd.  I don't have the answers.  But I do have a deep assurance that God's hand was upon the process.  I saw many good things that came from those years - hard though they were!  I think only eternity will reveal all that was happening during those years.

One thing that is very hard about trials is wondering how long they will last!!  We can't predict the end of them - and we can't control the hard things that are happening.  I find myself in that situation in the ongoing battle with cancer.  I have no idea what is ahead!  Some days are hard.  My comfort is knowing I can continually call upon the Lord for help!  God helps me persevere.  I couldn't keep going without His help.

Someone sent me a song called "The Night Song."  It's lovely to play before going to bed at night......but I play it through the day too.  "All this day your hand has held me - God of heaven by my side - Thank you Father for your goodness - You will hold me through the night."  He is with us in whatever our "night" may be.  He is continually WITH us, by our side.  I love the soothing comfort of truth of this song. 

I am so grateful that God is with us in stressful times.  He is right by our side in whatever we face!  He helps us get through each and every hard situation.  I am keenly aware that we will never be without hard times on this earth - but we will always be carried through the hard times by our loving Father.  That brings such peace to my heart to know He'll help me with whatever comes my way.

"Consider it all joy...when you encounter various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2,3

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.  Be self-controlled and alert."  1 Peter 5:7,8

" 'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you."  Isaiah 54:10

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

"The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him."  2 Chronicles 16:9

He is aware of everything that is happening in our lives.  He is mindful of what help we need.  He is continually by our side - extending grace, strength, help, comfort, and anything else we need.  He is an awesome, wonderful, faithful God!

To Lay My Crown at His Feet

This past week Queen Elizabeth died.  I have been following the events surrounding her passing.  I have been saddened in a way that surprised me - I think because I admired her.  She was a faithful woman.  She made a commitment, a vow - and she dutifully lived it out to her last day.  She made mistakes along the way, but she learned and grew through them.  She loved the Lord, and she leaned into Him in hard times.  I will miss her, her example.  She seemed to have been suffering physically in recent times, so I'm glad she's no longer suffering.  She once told a chaplain that she wished the Lord would come in her lifetime.  When asked why she said, "I should so love to lay my crown at His feet."  She is worshipping before Him now.

Also during these "quiet" weeks I have had to deal with some stressful things.  Some days were very intense.  I mentioned this to a friend, and she shared an acronym with me that I love.

J - just

E - enough

S - strength

U - under 

S - stress

Jesus truly comes and give us the strength we need when times of stress come.  I have experienced that, and I am so grateful for His help and faithfulness!  I couldn't make it without Him.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea."  Psalm 46:1,2 

"I am like an olive tree, flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever."  Psalm 52:8

"The Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."  Romans 8:26

*** How many, many times I have been grateful that the Spirit intercedes for me!!!!

"As for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." Micah 7:7

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

As I write this, my heart is full of worship for His grace, strength, and help.

His Endless Stack of Promises

I had a giggle yesterday - maybe more like a laugh.  Because I live alone, I talk out loud to God all day long.  No need to communicate silently because it's just Him and me here.  I was pouring out my heart to the Lord, when I suddenly thought how it would sound if someone overheard me.  They might wonder about my sanity - or they might think I was saying all the things about myself!  I had a good laugh - and continued my communication.  It's a delight to be able to pray and sing aloud all through the day and night to our wonderful God.  I sense His sweet presence with me.

Some people say to me that they could never face the trials I've had - that they don't have it in them.  I've realized that, on our own, none of us can endure the trials of life.  But, when they come, as we press in to the Lord - He pours out strength, a deep inner strength that helps us get through the hard times.

I love this verse:  "I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being."  Ephesians 3:16 

From His power and might, His riches, He pours strength into our inner being.  We may feel that we're dry as the desert, but He meets us with the rain of His strength and gives us inner strength.  When the pressures, the trials, come - He sustains us from within so that we don't crumble under the weight of the trials.

I look back over the last 8 years and see how God has stretched and strengthened my inner being.  I couldn't have survived otherwise.  His power in me, the inner strength He has built, is greater than any of the pressure, trials, and troubles around me.

"To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore!"  Jude 1:24,25 

"The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:7

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2,3

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.' "  Isaiah 41:13

"He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:14

"Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always."  Psalm 105:4

"For nothing is impossible with God."  Luke 1:37

"I have set the Lord always before me.  Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."  Psalm 16:8

As we press into Him in the midst of our trials, He increases our inner strength that draws from His strength.....and we will not be shaken!  Whatever life throws at us, God is with us and increases our ability to handle what comes our way.  His power in us is made perfect in our weakness!

Growing up in Galveston, Texas my mother and I were at church pretty much every time the doors were open for a service.  Important foundations were built in my life during those early years - things that have stayed with me for decades.  I'm amazed that I'll remember something from my childhood seemingly 'out of the blue.'  A thought, a song, an experience, a memory, a testimony will come to mind just when I need it.

That happened this week.  I had some hard things to deal with.  As I was pressing through and dealing with each one - a song came into my mind that we often sang in our church when I was a young girl.

"Standing on the promises of Christ my King,

Through eternal ages let His praises ring,

Glory in the highest, I will shout and sing,

Standing on the promises of God.

Standing, standing, standing on the promises of God my Savior,

Standing, standing, I'm standing on the promises of God.

Standing on the promises that cannot fail,

When the howling storms of doubt and fear assail,

By the living Word of God I shall prevail,

Standing on the promises of God."

As that song went through my mind, I pictured those promises being like a solid rock that I cling to.  I could hold onto it when the storms come.  His promises are strong and secure.  I've been singing the song all week.

Then this morning I woke up with another one, I think from my Sunday School days:

"Every promise in the book is mine,

Every chapter, every verse, every line,

All are blessings of His love divine,

Every promise in the book is mine."

With this song I saw a stack of books in my mind's eye - every book representing a promise.  The stack was huge - higher than I could hardly see.  The numbers vary according to how they're counted, but the general consensus is that there are up to 8,810 promises.  That's a lot of promises that we can stand on!!

I thought of a few that are particularly meaningful to me:

- His mercies are new every morning.  Lamentations 3:22,23 

-  His grace is sufficient for every need - and His power is made perfect in our weakness.  2 Corinthians 12:9

-  His plans are to give us a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

-  If we are weary and burdened, He will give us rest.  Matthew 11:28,29

-  When we are weak, He will help us with new strength.  We will run and not be weary - walk and not faint.  Isaiah 40:29-31

-  He gives a peace that the world can't give.  John 14:27

-  He will supply every need - He's my provider.  Philippians 4:19

-  He will hold us with His righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

-  He will never leave us or forsake us.  Deuteronomy 31:6

-  If we lack wisdom, He will give it.  James 1:5

-  He is the God who heals us.  Exodus 15:26

-  He is my husband.  Isaiah 54:5

-  He gives power to the faint.  Isaiah 40:29

-  He shows us the way to walk.  Isaiah 30:21

-  I'm never alone.  Joshua 1:5, 9

-  He is my protector.  Psalm 18:2-4

The list could go on and on!  And "He who promised is faithful!"  Hebrews 10:23

My heart was encouraged this week as I thought of all the wonderful promises of the Lord.  There is a promise for anything we will face.  He knew what we'd need, and He promised to provide for that need.  How good He is!  I rest secure in His loving care.

Our Faithful Burden Bearer

In dealing with unanswered prayers, it was shared at her memorial service that Joy Dawson said "I will not insult God with unbelief."  I've been "chewing" on that.  It's a simple statement, but a very profound one.  God never promised us that He'd answer every single prayer we uttered, but He has promised us over and over again in the Word that we can have friendship, fellowship, and intimacy with Him.  However, that relationship with Him will be hindered if our hearts are filled with any unbelief.

One of my treasures from the last 8 difficult years is the precious fellowship I've had with the Lord.  I've had to cling to Him in the midst of the difficulties and challenges.  He has been my Rock, my Anchor, my Shelter as I've walked through the storms.  He has held my hand, He has whispered encouragement into my heart, and He has guided my steps when I've not known the way to go.  His mercies have been new every morning.  His power has been made perfect in my utter weakness.  His grace has been more than sufficient for every need.  He has filled my heart so full to overflowing with His goodness that there is no room for doubt or unbelief.  He has been so, so good to me!

When we don't see immediate answers to prayer - or even more importantly, answers to prayers that we have lifted up for months, even years - the enemy loves to come and whisper his lies in our ears.  Lies that God doesn't care, and that He's incapable of answering our prayers.  He'll say it in subtle ways, but he'll do his best to lure us away from the Father.  That's why we have to continually press into the Lord in our relationship - come what may!  We can't allow any opening, any foothold for unbelief to enter in.

A powerful protection is proclaiming the promises of the Word - declaring them to ourselves and to the enemy.  I have found that singing songs of worship of who God is lifts my emotions and my spirit when I'm feeling low.  Speaking and singing the truth of who God is defeats the whispers of the enemy.....and fills any crack where unbelief could enter in. 

I can't honestly say right at this moment that I would willingly go through these last difficult years again - the pain is a little too fresh still I think.  But I can say with absolute sureness that I wouldn't have wanted to miss the richness of fellowship that has come as I've had to press into the Lord over and over again in the midst of the pain.  The intimacy with Him is a precious gift that I wouldn't have wanted to miss.  I am beyond grateful for His closeness.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:13 

"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."  Ephesians 3:16-19

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!"  Psalm 34:8

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds."  2 Corinthians 10:3,4

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you."  Psalm 63:5

With promises such as these, there is no room for any unbelief in our hearts.  God is good and faithful and will be by our side whatever we face!

I was chatting with a friend this week about the burdens on our hearts.  Between us we had a number of burdens we are carrying - for family and for friends.  Needs.  Concerns.  Problems we're trying to solve.  Anxieties.  Decisions.  Protection.  Difficulties.  Trials.  Loss.  Illness.  Grief.  Financial hardship.  Trauma.  Broken relationships.  Marital tensions.  The list is long - the weights seem heavy.

We then began to talk about giving our burdens to the Lord.  He tells us to do that.  He knows we can't carry them - it's too much for us.  Every day, sometimes several times a day, I give my burdens to the Lord.  I speak them out, one by one.  I confess to the Lord how they weigh me down.  I ask Him to take them from my heart and mind.  When they come back - I give them to Him again.

Some years ago I was so heavy hearted with burdens.  I gave them to the Lord, but they would bounce back into my heart and into my thinking.  I read the verse about "casting our burdens" on the Lord.  As an physical act of what I was doing spiritually, I took a small throw pillow and threw it across the room.  It was symbolic to me of what I was wanting to do in giving my burdens to the Lord.  Every time I was tempted to take them back, I remembered throwing that pillow. :)

I'm so grateful that the Lord invites us to give our burdens to Him.  His shoulders are big enough to carry our cares!  And He clearly invites us, instructs us even, to give them to Him.  He cares for us and doesn't want us carrying the burdens.

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved."  Psalm 55:22 

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for us."  1 Peter 5:7

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6

"Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"  Matthew 6:27

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears."  Psalm 34:4

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him."  Romans 8:28 

There have been times when I've felt like one of those big cargo ships with hundreds of containers stacked on it.  My burdens felt so big, so numerous, so heavy.  Then I realized I'm carrying them, and not giving them to the Lord.

At other times I've felt like I'm trying to walk in a mud pit, but I'm not getting anywhere.  Or running a never-ending marathon.  Any of these types of feelings reveal that we're not giving our burdens to the Lord.  They are robbing us of joy, peace, and freedom.

I take time to mention each burden, speak it out, as I give it to the Lord.  I quote the verses where God tells us to give Him our burdens.  There have been times when I can feel the weights being lifted from my heart and mind as I do this.  He is a faithful burden bearer.  He wants us to give our burdens to Him.  I'm so grateful for that!

Nevertheless

Last week was an intense week.  I was not feeling well, there were many things needing my attention and my energy was so low, it was hard.

In the midst of everything, the Lord spoke a special word into my heart.  It was so encouraging and helped me rest in His care.  I love how He does that!  There's nothing quite like having Him speak to us.

A friend also shared a verse with me that became my prayer.  "Honor me by trusting in me in your day of trouble.  Cry aloud to me, and I will be there to rescue you."  Psalm 50:15 TPT  God was truly with me in my day of trouble!

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"  Psalm 27:1

"So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.' "  Hebrews 13:6

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."  Psalm 62:8 

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

"Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way.  The Lord be with all of you."  2 Thessalonians 3:16

If you've been reading my posts for a while, you know how I look for God to speak to me through His creation.  I had a special treat this morning.  As I opened the window shade on my kitchen window, there was a row of peacocks at my fence.  They were marching one-by-one, in a row (normally they would be scattered haphazardly over the field) with their heads all turned towards me.  It felt like they were "saluting" me.  I received it as a greeting for my birthday. :)  I always love seeing them, but this was extra special.

I was also hoping for sunshine today, but the forecast was for rain.  However, the rain came during the night and this morning the sun is shining.  That is a special gift to me!  I receive these special gifts from God's creation.  They mean a lot to me. 

When Joy Dawson passed away recently, her daughter mentioned to me that Joy was puzzled by the unanswered prayers she had lifted up.  In fact, she herself had suffered terrible pain for 35 years and had not been healed.  She was a powerful intercessor, and yet she had prayers that were never answered.  She would say, "He's a God of mystery."

I've been thinking a lot about this.  It brought me back to the prayer of Jesus before He went to the cross.  "Father, if it is your will, take this cup away from me; nevertheless not my will, but yours, be done."  Luke 22:42  That "nevertheless" is so important as we pray.  Even Jesus didn't get His prayer answered......but He was willing to trust the Father as to what was best......leaving the outcome to Him.

A friend of mine said - it's the "nevertheless" in our prayers that puts us at ease.  We can pray and pray and pray, but "nevertheless" His will be done.  It doesn't stop our petitioning God for the answers we want, but knowing the outcome is in His faithful, trustworthy hands gives us great comfort.

I'm sure we've all had "nevertheless" prayers that didn't get answered.  Someday God will explain to us His plan and purpose in those prayers.  In the meantime, we trust in His goodness, wisdom, and faithfulness.  He is worthy of our trust.  He knows what is best.

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28 

"Thanks be to God!  He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."  1 Corinthians 15:57

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  Proverbs 3:5

"How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 36:7

"What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?"  Romans 8:31

"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."  Psalm 63:8

As I lift up prayers to the throne today, I am secure in the "nevertheless" His will will be done.  I trust Him.

Adjusting My Sails

Through all the years of battling cancer, I've had a steady, sweet, God-given peace.  It's a "peace that passes understanding," that defies explanation except that it comes from Him.  He has flooded my soul with an assurance that I'm in His capable hands.

When I got the results of recent testing and learned that my tumor had grown and the surrounding organs were in danger of being negatively impacted - things began to change.  Every time something happened physically, I would feel anxious.  My peace was definitely under attack and being threatened.

After several times of this happening, I began to understand.  I needed to go back to the Lord for a fresh peace.  The new information needed to be submitted to the Lord.  I needed to submit myself afresh to the Lord.  I needed to once again put myself into His hands, trusting Him come what may.

Once I did this, my peace was restored and the anxious thoughts were put away.  What a difference it made!  I still don't know what's ahead, but my trust in the Lord is securely anchored in Him.  I'm so grateful for His peace.

There's an old song that I've sung many times these last 8 years:

"Peace, peace wonderful peace,

Coming down from the Father above!

Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray

In fathomless billows of love!"

I've sung it standing by Floyd's bed.  I've sung it driving home from the hospital with tears streaming down my face.  I've sung it laying weak in bed from cancer treatment.  I've sung it as I've grieved losing Floyd.  The simple prayer of the song always ministers peace to my soul as I let the waves of His love and grace wash over me.

"What a treasure I have in this wonderful peace,

Buried deep in the heart of my soul,

So secure that no power can mine it away,

While the years of eternity roll!"

"I am resting tonight in this wonderful peace,

Resting sweetly in Jesus' control;

For I'm kept from all danger by night and by day,

And His glory is flooding my soul!"

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."  Psalm 4:8

"May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way."  2 Thessalonians 3:16

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."  Isaiah 26:3

"The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:7

"The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace."  Psalm 29:11

I am so grateful for the blessing of His peace.  It is a precious treasure that only He can give.  It truly does pass our human understanding.  It can only come from our wonderful, faithful Lord.

Another dear saint has gone to be with Jesus.  Joy Dawson passed away in the early morning of Thursday, July 21.  She was 96 years old.  Joy had an impact on all of us as leaders in the early days of YWAM.  Her teaching on the Ways of God and on Intercession helped shape us.

Floyd would sometimes tell stories in his sermons of how Joy spoke into his life at key times.  He was so grateful for her input.  I'll never forget one of her sermons - "It's How You Finish That Counts."  Floyd and I talked about it and set our hearts, no matter what happened in life, to finish well.  

Floyd and Joy both finished well.  I can imagine that they are worshipping Jesus together now in heaven!

A friend of mine was shopping in a garden store for plants recently.  She found a pot that she decided she had to buy.  It said "We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails." 

I think that says a lot about how we go through life.  The winds come - in so many different ways!  Whether we want them to or not, the winds blow in and buffet us.  Sickness, sadness, loss, disappointment, financial challenges, conflict - at unwanted, unexpected moments those "winds" come.  Of course there can be some good winds that help us sail along smoothly too.  We all long for those winds. 

We don't have control over the winds - but we can adjust our "sails" with God's help to weather the winds and keep going.  God has been so gracious in helping me to do that with all the winds that have come my way.  I'm so grateful.  He has been with me in the midst of a lot of stormy winds.

 "Look to the Lord for His strength; see His face always."  1 Chronicles 16:11

"Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:39

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save."  Zephaniah 3:17

"God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.  There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."  Revelation 21:4

"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long."  Deuteronomy 33:12

"We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul - not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.  It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy."  Colossians 1:11 The Message

When the winds come, He helps us adjust the sails.....and He turns the storms into joy as He walks beside us.....helping us to "finish well."

Our Times Are in His Hands

With so many outward pressures (health issues, load shedding, cold weather, family concerns, ministry needs), it’s easy to focus on the problems.  The Lord has been reminding me to instead focus on developing my inner strength.  I can’t rely on what’s been developed in the past.  I must focus on continually, daily developing my inner strength in Him.  

I love the Lord and have a sweet relationship with Him.  But I can’t “rest” on that.  I need to press in more and more so that when life’s burdens are heavy I won’t falter.  His power in me is greater than the pressures around me.

I’ve often referred to holding onto His hand, which we especially need to do when we face the pressures of life.  We do that by communicating with Him through our day as we face the pressures - being real and honest about what we are facing.  We proclaim the promises of the Word.  We worship and thank Him for His faithfulness.  We trust Him to help and guide us.  We confess our fears.  We cast our burdens on Him.  We resist the enemy.  As we cling tightly to Him in these ways, our inner strength is built up and we can face the outward pressures.  He will direct our steps, and guide us in His ways.

“I pray that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man.”  Ephesians 3:16

“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.”  2 Corinthians 4:16

“A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.”  Proverbs 16:9

“The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”  Zephaniah 3:17

“A man’s steps are directed by the Lord.  How then can anyone understand his own way?”  Proverbs 20:24

I confess that I usually don’t know “the way” ahead.  I need God’s help and wisdom.  I’m pressing in to Him and asking Him to strengthen my inner man as I face the problems and issues in life.  He is always faithful to help me!

My heart was saddened this week when Beni Johnson passed away after a prolonged battle with cancer.  Beni was the wife of Bill Johnson.  They co-pastored Bethel Church in Redding, Calif.

I started following her journey after she was diagnosed with cancer in 2018.  She sought out some holistic treatments, and I was curious to see how it went.  If I understand correctly, she had a period of remission before the cancer returned.  She had been undergoing chemo treatment until recently when they felt they should stop as the treatment wasn't working.  She went into hospice care at home.

Thousands, probably hundreds of thousands, of people had been lifting her up in prayer.  It reminded me of when so many people were praying for Floyd's healing.  It also reminded me that, ultimately, our "times" are in God's hands.  He chooses healing or heaven.  Bill said she is now "healthy and free."

My heart went out to Bill in losing his life partner.  I know what that feels like.  I have been praying for him, for their 3 children, their 11 grandchildren, and for the whole congregation.  I pray for God to comfort them in their grief and loss.

Meanwhile I continue to pray for a healing miracle in my body.  I'm asking for a "suddenly" of healing and restoration.  I trust His wisdom, I trust whatever comes to pass......but I'm asking!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth:  it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.  You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.  Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.  This will be for the Lord's renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever."  Isaiah 55:8-13

This is one of my favorite passages of scripture.  It always speaks to me of trusting God's thoughts, His ways.  He is good, true, and faithful.  In all times, we can trust Him.

When Beni first got sick, she asked the Lord what she should do.  He responded - "Just love me."  I think that's what God wants all of us to do in the ups and downs of life - just stay close to Him and love Him.

Carried by His Joy

I have always been intrigued by the "suddenlys" in the Bible.  Things are going along, and suddenly there is a change or something happens.  It may be at the word of the Lord or by a move of the spirit, but suddenly everything is different.  It seems there are between 87 and 167 occurrences of a suddenly, depending on how it's translated.  That's a lot!   I think God is pointing out that what seemed impossible can be made possible when He breaks into a situation with His power and might.  God shows up and instantly things are changed.

There are different words used, different meanings - in an instant, to disturb, to hasten, speedily, quickly, to flee, to be in trepidation - but all mean suddenly! 

One of my favorites is from Acts 16:26 - "Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened, and everyone's bonds were loosened."

Can you imagine what a shock that was?  Wow - quite a suddenly!

I also love Acts 2:2 - "Suddenly there came from the sky a sound like the rushing of a mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting."

The Spirit filling the whole house must have been amazing!  I'm always blessed when I sense the Spirit in my midst - whether alone or in a gathering.

Because I love Christmas so much, I love the passage in Luke 2:13,14 - "Suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly army praising God and saying 'Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom His favor rests.' "

The shepherds must have been awestruck!

As I've been studying these passages in both the New and Old Testaments, I've been praying for my own suddenly - that God would come suddenly with His healing power in my body.  That He would suddenly reverse the tumor growth!  It's a big ask, but I'm asking.

"Suddenly will my righteousness come near, and my salvation will be shining out like the light."  Isaiah 51:5

I read the phrase somewhere "Christlike in the crisis."  That's what I'm praying for!  May God help my heart, my attitude, my responses to be Christlike in everything I'm facing. 

During one of the load shedding times this week, I listened to a podcast.  The speaker was addressing trauma and its impact on us.  He spoke specifically of the pandemic, but applied the principles to other traumas as well.  He warned against the accumulation of disappointments in our lives - not dealing with them - and how that can be destructive. 

I appreciated what he shared.  When I was laying in bed after load shedding that night, I reflected on the podcast.  I was struck by the fact that I've come through 8 years of trauma, and I'm not carrying a heavy load in my heart from those years.  I realized God has helped me time by time to take things to Him.  He lifted the weights from my heart, and tenderly carried me through each situation, each hard time, each disappointment, each trauma.  He has sustained me!  He has been so good to me.

I laid in bed and had the sweetest time of worship - thanking the Lord for His goodness, His grace, and His mercy to me.  I am so, so grateful that He has been with me each day of those 8 years.  I thought back to specific instances that were so hard.....times when I had cried buckets of tears.....times when I didn't think I could keep going.....times when I felt so alone without Floyd.....times when I didn't know what to do.....times when I was so weak physically.  God met me in His faithfulness in each instance.  I could never have survived without His great love and care.  A friend commented - He has been my "trauma absorber."

As I come back to my present situation - I have concerns about my health.  I'm not sure what's ahead.  I truly have to live one-day-at-a-time and take care of myself in that day.  But I've also become aware that there is a sweet joy of the Lord surrounding me.  I feel I'm being carried by His joy - which is my strength.  He is with me in the midst of this ongoing affliction.  He helps me keep my eyes on Him.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 

"Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."  Nehemiah 8:10

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  Romans 15:13

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace...."  Galatians 5:22

My heart is overflowing with gratitude to the Lord - for His sustaining grace these 8 years.....and for His joy in these present days.  He is beyond good and faithful - He is my everything!

He Has Been With Me

A book I was reading recently said that one of the ways to increase our faith as we pray is to thank the Lord for past answers to prayer.  This led to a special time of reflection for me in doing just that.  My list is long, but here are a few highlights from recent years that I'm grateful for:

-  During the same time that Floyd was sick and hospitalized, I was battling cancer with surgeries and chemo treatments.  Meanwhile, I was overseeing and organizing all his care.  Looking back, I honestly don't know how I managed all that!  There is no explanation except that God carried me and sustained me.  He must have had angels working overtime to help me.

-  I was reading back over some of my notes from the early months of Floyd's care.  After his initial 6 weeks in ICU and a further 3 weeks in the hospital ward, I needed to find a longer term facility to move him to.  A friend helped me with researching options.  It was overwhelming.  There was a long list of criteria for his care, and almost none could provide all of them.  It was a HUGE answer to prayer when we found the hospital where he eventually ended up.

-  When we moved Floyd there, I didn't understand that they had a time limit for how long he could stay (only 6 weeks).  I appealed to them to allow him to stay longer.  The end result was that they not only allowed him to stay, but they changed their mission statement to include patients like Floyd who needed long term care.  I always said that Floyd would love the fact that even in his illness he was "pioneering" something new!

-  The hospital couldn't have been more perfect.  The nurses lovingly cared for him - singing to him, praying for him, and even sometimes competing for who would be on the schedule to care for him. It brought such peace to my heart to know he was well cared for.

-  There were gaps of time when I couldn't go to Floyd because of the treatment I was undergoing.  I am so, so grateful for the "Care Team" who faithfully went to spend time with him.

-  I am so thankful for all the intercessors who prayed for Floyd and for me.  I don't think we would have made it without those prayers lifting "our weary arms."  If it was only a matter of prayer, Floyd would have certainly been healed.  One friend commented that he didn't think any one person had ever been prayed for so much.

-  I'm grateful that all of Floyd's (and my) medical bills were paid.  When the insurance (medical aid) dropped Floyd's care, I was tempted to panic.  I didn't know how in the world I would be able to cover all the bills.  I remember crying out to the Lord one day, and hearing Him tenderly speak to my heart that Floyd had served him all his life and He wasn't going to abandon him in this season of life.  I’m so grateful to everyone who gave so lovingly and generously towards Floyd's care.  Those gifts lifted a heavy weight from my shoulders.

-  I can't help but thank the Lord for the peace that enveloped Floyd in his hospital room.  It's hard to even imagine what it was like for Floyd to be trapped in his condition.  But there was a peace and sense of God's presence with him that was almost tangible.  Even the hospital staff commented on it.

-  There were several occasions when I almost didn't make it through all the treatment I was going through.  I remember one time in particular,  I was so weak that I could hardly speak to pray.  This was another time when God so tenderly spoke to me.  He reminded me that I was in His hands.....my "time" was in His hands.  I could relax and trust Him.  It brought such peace and assurance to my heart.

-  While this was all taking place, quite a few of our extended family were going through severe trials.  I didn't share these because they weren't my story to tell, but there were times when it felt like our whole family was under assault.  Thankfully, God graciously brought us all through these times. 

-  I am fairly frequently asked if I understand what happened to Floyd - why he got sick, why didn't God heal him, why did he suffer for so long.  I don't have the answers to those questions.  I've had a few "inklings" about some of it, but I don't even know if those are right.  We'll have to wait until heaven to fully understand.  But I do have to say that God gave me special grace to not worry about those questions.  I was able to trust Him, and put Floyd into His loving care.  I know that was an answer to prayer because I'm usually one who wants to understand things!!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6 

"Without faith it is impossible to please God.....and He rewards those who earnestly seek him."  Hebrews 11:6

"Truly God has listened; He has attended to the voice of my prayer."  Psalm 66:19

"I will give you thanks, for you answered me."  Psalm 118:21

"I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy."  Psalm 116:1

This list is literally just the tip of the iceberg of wonderful answers to prayer that I've seen - both in recent years and throughout my life.  The list is LONG!  Wonderfully long. 

This time of thanking the Lord for His answers throughout my life has built my faith to cope with my news this week that my cancerous tumor has grown.  The doctor’s concern now is that the growth will negatively impact the surrounding organs.  Needless to say, I'm praying for the tumor to shrink. 

I’ve been praying for a healing miracle from the cancer for 8 years.  I’ve seen answers to prayer over that time, but I still have cancer.  It hasn’t gone away.  As I reflected on this most recent disappointing news, I realized that actually nothing has changed.  I’m still going to do everything I can in self care to strive for healing – and I’m going to continue to trust God who has carried me and sustained me over all this time!  I have more information – but I’m going to continue in the same way I’ve been walking.  In short, I’m choosing to persevere!  With God’s help, I’ll keep going.

I may be healed – or I may not.  I may live 1 more day – or 10 more years.  It’s in God’s hands.  I’ll keep asking for the miracle, the answer to prayer - like the widow in the Bible who kept persistently asking the judge for justice against her adversary.  I trust God’s sovereignty over my life come what may.  I’m in His hands – but I’ll keep asking!

God has been with me in all I’ve gone through.  He’s been with me even when it’s seemed He was silent.  He’s been with me when it seemed as if He was roaring like Aslan to keep evil forces at bay.  He’s been with me in tender quiet whispers.  He’s been with me in singing over me.  He’s been with me as He lovingly guided me in hundreds of decisions.  He’s been with me in strength when I felt so incredibly weak.  He’s been with me in my tears as I mourned the loss of my gentle giant.  The point that is so very clear to me right now, today is that He has been WITH me…..and He will continue to be come what may.  Why would I want to go any other way than on the way where He is with me?!  I trust His way.

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.  God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”  Matthew 6:34  The Message

“We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul – not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.  It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy.”  Colossians 1:11 The Message 

 "All who listen to me shall live in peace and safety, unafraid."  Proverbs 1:33 TLB

"Rejoice in the Lord always...Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:4-7

I'm thanking Him for all He's done, and I'm bringing my requests to Him.  I'm grateful for the peace He gives (beyond understanding) as I walk through stressful times.  I have moments of anxiety, but as I turn to Him and share my troubled heart - He always brings me back to a place of peace.  He is faithful!