There is Always Room

One day while praying and talking to the Lord, I had a picture in my mind of a long wooden table with wooden benches around it.  The table was set with pretty dishes.  Colorful flowers were arranged all the way down the middle of the table.  Every spot on the table was overflowing with bowls, platters, and baskets of food.  It all seemed to be outdoors in a small meadow set among beautiful trees. 

The table was full - people sitting tightly side by side on the benches.  They were chatting and laughing and getting ready to say grace before eating the bountiful meal spread before them. Then out of the trees ran another person apologizing for being late.  There didn't seem to be room for one more, but the man at the head of the table said "make room."  We always have room for one more.  And unbelievably, there was room.  The person squeezed in.

As the people prayed for the meal, the man at the head spoke again.  He said it's time to get back to the table.  We may be surrounded by enemies, but they are powerless.  Our strength is in being at the table together.  Whether we are alone or with family.  If we are strong, healthy, and happy - or if we are weak, sick, and sad - being at the table meets our needs and allows us to soak in the goodness and presence of the Lord.  There is always a place for us at the table, and there is "food" to help us in whatever we are facing.

In this mental picture, I sensed a fresh invitation to sit at the table!  There was room for me, and there was food to nourish me.  I have been choosing daily to sit at that table!  In Luke 14 Jesus shares the parable of the man who gave a lavish banquet, but everyone had an excuse for not attending.  I don't want to be like them.  I want to put everything else aside and sit at that table! 

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows."  Psalm 23:5

"He brought me to the banqueting house, and His banner over me was love."  Song of Solomon 2:4

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him."  Psalm 34:8

The menu on the table the Lord has invited us to is love, grace, healing, peace, provision, comfort, and strength.  It's a rich meal filled with His blessing.  For whatever loss or grief we are feeling, He has healing oil to share with us.  He knows what nourishment we need, and He has prepared a banqueting table for us.  He invites us to come and dine with Him.  It's time to take our place at the table for whatever need we have. There's room for all of us.  And our faithful God has just the right food for us.

My Strong Tower

It amazes me how you can read from something for years - and suddenly find a verse you've never noticed.  I'm speaking of the Bible of course.  Someone shared a verse with me that I've never taken note of.  "The Lord tears down the house of the proud, but He protects the property of widows."  Proverbs 15:25

The Lord certainly protected me with the intruder recently.  And the verse has given me fresh confidence for the future.  I watched the Celebration of Life/memorial services of 2 friends recently.  Both left widows.  I'm glad that the Lord is watching over all of us and protecting us and our properties. 

Because Floyd was in the hospital for 5+ years before he passed away, I was used to being alone and on my own.  So it surprised me how much more alone I felt when he passed away.  I didn't expect that it would be such a big difference - but it was.  I leaned into the Lord in a new, deeper way in asking Him to be my husband.  He has been faithful to surround me with His comfort and presence.  And now I have this lovely verse from Proverbs about His protection!

I hope any widows reading this will be encouraged that God is watching over you too.

"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him."  Psalm 34:7

"You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble."  Psalm 32:7 

"The Lord is faithful.  He will establish you and guard you."  2 Thessalonians 3:3

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe."  Proverbs 18:10

I particularly like that last verse.  Years ago we used to sing a song taken from that verse.  At times when I've felt vulnerable, I've pictured myself running into a strong tower and feeling safe with the army of the Lord protecting me and angels surrounding me.

Waiting

I had an alarming wakeup on Sunday morning - a little before 6 a.m.  I was soundly asleep when my security alarm went off.  As I woke up, I heard some noise - and a few minutes later my neighbor called me.  I had an intruder on my property!!!  It was quite an adrenaline rush.  Thankfully he wasn't targeting my property.  He was trying to escape the security men that were after him.  He hid one street over on someone's property for 3 hours, but then they found him.  He's a known criminal, so he's off to jail.  I had to go to the police station to file a report, so I've had time to think about all that happened. 

The predominant thought I've had is that the Lord protected me.  No harm to me or my property, nothing taken, my neighbor was watching out for me, it's all captured on camera.....the only thing was the massive adrenaline rush.  It took a while for my body to calm down! 

This episode has reminded me of how wonderfully good and faithful the Lord has been to me.  I often speak/pray out all the ways He's helped me.

He is my Rock.

He's definitely my Protector.

He's my Strength day by day.

He's my Companion, my husband.

He's my Comfort, especially on lonely days.

He's my Provider, of my every need.

He's my Counselor, my source of wisdom.

He gives me sufficient Grace for each day.

He's my Healer.

He is the Refuge I seek.

He is the Strong Tower I run to.

He is continually Near to me.

He's my Help for everything I face.

He is my Joy, which brings strength.

He is my Hope, for each new day.

He is the Power I need in my weakness.

And the list goes on and on and on!  It's truly endless in His provision for me/us.

Since Floyd became ill, and then when he passed away - I think I rely more on the Lord than I ever did before.  I don't have a husband anymore to help me through things.  That presses me into the Lord much more powerfully.  And He has been more than enough for everything I've faced.  I am so very grateful for His goodness and faithfulness.  I don't feel alone.  I feel surrounded by God's loving care in whatever I need.

"Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."  Psalm 62:8

"Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe."  Proverbs 29:25

"Your Maker is your husband.  The Lord of hosts is His name."  Isaiah 54:5

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  2 Corinthians 12:9

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

"My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:19 

"I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

I have faced many difficult things in these past years - and even now.  But I lack for nothing because God has been faithfully with me each step of the way.  I don't have sufficient words to say how very, very grateful I am.  He is so good and faithful.

Waiting.  It's one of the hardest things in life to do.  From the smallest, most mundane things to the biggest life changing things - waiting is hard.  We can make all the right choices and responses, but it doesn't make waiting any easier.  It doesn't speed up the process.  It doesn't relieve the pressure.  Waiting is simply that - waiting.  And it isn't easy.

I've done a lot of waiting in the last 9+ years.  In fact, it seems like that's all I've done.  Wait for one thing after another.  Wait for answers.  Wait for change.  Wait for understanding.  I've gotten tired of waiting.  I've gotten frustrated with waiting.  I've battled to keep hope alive while waiting.  But - I've waited!  And waited!

Waiting involves patience.  Without it you can't keep waiting.  You have to take a deep breath, even sigh a little bit, and be patient.  You can't fight the waiting - it is what it is, so you must be patient. 

Waiting also involves trust.  Without trust there's no basis for the waiting - and the hope.  Trust has to be the foundation for our waiting.  Trust that God sees our situation, that He is at work in it, and that He has answers.  Trust that He has a plan.  Trust that He will help us wait.  Trust that He won't give us more than we can bear.  Trust that He will be faithful to us while we wait.  And continuing to trust if the answer comes and it wasn't what we thought it would be!

In this world of instant everything - waiting almost seems like it should be a thing of the past.  But God doesn't see it that way.  He has plans and purposes for our waiting.  The prayers we have prayed hundreds of times.  The promises we hold close to our hearts wondering when they will be fulfilled.  He has heard every prayer, and His promises are sure and true.  But we usually have to wait for the answers.  Waiting is one of the ways God works in our lives.  He doesn't see it as wasted time.  He uses it to draw us close to Him. 

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart.  Wait, I say, on the Lord!  Psalm 27:14

"The Lord is good to those who wait for Him."  Lamentations 3:25 

"Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you.  For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him."  Isaiah 30:18

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope."  Psalm 130:5 

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him."  Psalm 62:5

"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation.  My God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

While I don't like the waiting, I do my best to wait patiently.  And I tell the Lord daily that I trust Him.  I also ask Him to help me to wait and not create answers that are mine and not His.  He is good and faithful.  In His timing, the waiting will be over.

Walking in Joy and Hope

Overall, these days I am doing pretty well.  I'm grateful for that.  I still have up and down days energy wise.  I try to listen to my body, and adjust accordingly while still trying to keep going faithfully on the things I need to do.  But recently I realized that I have somewhat of a "plodding" attitude.  I'm missing the "joy" that I need.  I felt convicted of that, and I'm working on change.  I can't just plod - I need to walk in joy.

For me it begins with the time I spend with the Lord each morning.  Joy is rooted in who God is.  It's not based on how I feel or on my circumstances.  I need to receive His joy daily before I move on to the tasks.  When I'm careful to do that, the tasks become easier and I'm not "plodding."  It sounds so simple, and yet I've found I need to be purposeful in this!

"The joy of the Lord is my strength."  Nehemiah 8:10

"Everything seems to go wrong when you feel weak and depressed.  But when you choose to be cheerful, every day will bring you more and more joy and fullness."  Proverbs 15:15 TPT

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  Romans 15:13

"Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full."  John 16:24 

"A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."  Proverbs 17:22

Joy is a common theme all through the Bible.  It's clear that the Lord wants us to walk in joy no matter what we're facing.  I'm embracing that afresh!

A friend sent me a prayer this week.  It was written by George Matheson (1842-1906), a blind man who was a pastor and hymn writer.  It is incredibly powerful.  I wanted to share it with you.

"Dear Lord, You have made waiting beautiful and patience divine.  You have taught us that your will should be accepted, simply because it is your will.  You have revealed to us that a person may see nothing but sorrow in his cup yet still be willing to drink it because of a conviction that your eyes see farther than his own.  Father, give me Your divine power - the power of Gethsemane.  Give me the strength to wait for hope - to look through the window when there are no stars.  Even when my joy is gone, give me the strength to stand victoriously in the darkest night and say, 'To my heavenly Father, the sun still shines.'  I have reached the point of greatest strength once I have learned to wait for hope." 

I can't begin to imagine what this prayer meant to this dear man all those years ago, but it stirred my deepest heart as I read it.  Quite honestly, it's almost too much to pray all at once.  I've been praying it phrase by phrase - and will keep doing so.  There are a number of things I am waiting for in hope.  This prayer gives perspective to that wait.  It points out that waiting can be beautiful.  I don't usually see it that way! 

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  Romans 15:13 

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

In our darkest time - whatever that might be - the sun of God's love and grace still shines.  There is hope!  There are answers to prayers coming.  There is abundant strength for what we are facing.  There is new joy when it seems we have been robbed of joy.  There are plans God has for us that we can't yet see.  He has a future for us that we may not have planned.  He is good and faithful - and He wants to birth hope afresh in our hearts.

Peace and Joy from Within

This is a special month for me.  It marks 17 years since we moved to South Africa to pioneer yet once again!  I have to admit that I was filled with some fear and trepidation to be starting all over at 58 and 61 years of age.  It was just the 2 of us, no team yet, and very little financial support.  I wondered if we were a little bit crazy - but it's not the first time I've wondered that in our unusual life of ministry.  :)

The 17 years have flown by!  They've been filled with some miracles, lots of wonderful people, daily provision - and some very hard things too.  I often refer to it as a roller coaster.  The last 9+ years have been especially challenging with Floyd's illness, my cancer battle, some difficult ministry situations, and Floyd going to be with Jesus after years of suffering.  On the other side of the world, several family members have gone through very difficult things.

And yet - as I look back, as I come to the 17 year mark this month......my heart is filled with gratitude at God's goodness.  The hard things are still there in my memory, but they are overshadowed in light of God's goodness and faithfulness!  He has been so very good to me - day by day - hour by hour!  I couldn't have made it without Him.

We had many promises from the Lord in coming here.  There were some prophetic words about what God had planned.  I've often wondered if the enemy hasn't been trying to destroy what God had ordained.  The enemy won't win - all he can do is slow things down a bit.  God will be victorious.  I still cling to those words and promises!

I've been thinking about an illustration Floyd used in preaching.  There are times when God stretches us and has us go "out on a limb" with Him.  It can be scary.  Things happen and we can feel the limb shaking.  We look down and the ground seems further and further away.  We're tempted to run back to the safety of the tree instead of being out on that limb.  We can see the enemy trying to cut off the limb so we'll fall.  But if we stay put, trusting the Lord, and obeying His direction - the Lord will keep us safe and the tree will fall on the enemy!!  It was always such a powerful visual image when Floyd spoke that illustration.  I can hear his words and see the image afresh!

At heart, I'm not a risk taker.  But I am willing to obey the Lord in challenges He brings my way.  I'm willing to step out of my comfort zone in obedience.  I've felt out on a limb quite a few times in these past 17 years.  But I haven't fallen.  God has kept me safe on the limb, holding my hand, and taking care of me!  Where God has called me, being on that limb is the safest place to be!!

"If the Lord delights in a man's way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand."  Psalm 37:23,24 

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43:18,19

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28 NIV

"But thanks be to God!  He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ"  1 Corinthians 15:57

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

17 is one of my favorite numbers, so I'm celebrating my 17 years here!  It's a miracle on several levels that I'm here.  My heart is filled with gratefulness and worship.  I am blessed! 

Amidst the miracles and gratitude though, it can be hard to find our own individual sense of peace and happiness with so much happening in our world these days.  It's so unsettling and grievous. 

I read about a young woman who had been crippled with polio from a young age.  She said that, in her experience, she had found suffering and pain to be great character builders.  The suffering isn't good in itself, but it helps us shift our expectation of happiness from without to searching for it from within.

That has definitely been my experience in the trials of recent years.  My sense of peace, my stability, my happiness has come from within - from my personal walk with the Lord.  The path of trust and obedience kept me centered and at peace.  Time and time again when something new was "thrown" at me, I immediately went to the Lord.  

Sometimes it meant offering up a silent prayer while I sat in the doctor's office.  Other times it meant sitting with tears pouring down my face as I cried out to the Lord.  Often it meant sitting by Floyd's bed and praying "with" him as I spoke out our needs.  Many times it meant singing and praying everything out to the Lord as I did my daily walk on my deck.  And, of course, I asked for the prayers of others through the updates that I send out weekly.  It seems unbelievable now, but for about 18 months I wrote those updates daily - that's how "severe" my need was for the Lord's help.  The "outward" circumstances were crushing - but God met me over and over again in my "inner" being.  Oh how good and faithful He's been.

Peace, stability, and happiness aren't found by pursuing them.  They are found by pursuing an ever-closer-and-closer walk with the Lord.  He gives peace and happiness that no person or thing can give.

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!"  Psalm 34:8

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the Lord your God."  Isaiah 43:1-3

I have walked through some waters, passed through rivers, and been in flames all around me - but God has led me, protected me, and covered me with His peace.  In the midst of many, many hard things - my heart has been filled with joy, with happiness even, because of His love and grace.  There aren't even enough words to express how thankful I am!

Peace Washes Over Me

I was recently reflecting on all the wonderful ways the Lord has been with me the last 9+ years.  It's a long list of His faithfulness and provision for everything I have faced.  As I thought back to different situations and experiences, one thing kept coming over and over to my mind - the incredible blessing of His peace no matter what I was facing!

I can't even begin to count the times I stood at Floyd's bedside feeling sad and overwhelmed.  I knew he was suffering, and there was little I could do to help relieve that suffering.  I would call out to God to help Floyd and help me.  And, time and time again, His gentle peace washed over me.  I would leave feeling strengthened by that peace - and confident Floyd had felt it too.

I also remembered times when I was going through treatment for my cancer - so often weak and weary from the impact of that treatment on my body.  One time in particular I was so frail that I didn't think I would survive.  As I lay in bed I told the Lord I trusted Him, and asked for His grace to help me with whatever happened.  I had a physical sensation of His peace washing over me, covering me, and strengthening me.  It was like a warm wave flowing over my whole body.

There have been so many "impossible" things I've faced....but over and over I've felt engulfed in His peace as He showed me the way forward in each situation.

I am facing some challenging and stressful things at the moment.  One morning I woke up after a good night of sleep - but I felt tense and stressed.  I think my mind must have been processing things as I slept!  I immediately turned to the Lord and asked for His peace to fill my mind, heart, and body.  As I prayed, I felt that wave of peace covering me once again.  I started singing this old song:

"When peace like a river, attendeth my way

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say

It is well, it is well, with me soul."

We are living in days when the world needs peace!  A war in the Middle East, a war in Ukraine, and so much ugliness being spoken out.  May God help us - and give us peace. 

As I think about these times of being met by His peace, my heart is full of gratitude that we serve a prayer answering God.  I don't know how I'd manage if I couldn't lift up my requests to Him.  Being able to share my needs with the Lord lifts the burden of them from my heart.  And it's wonderful to see Him meet those needs. 

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  John 16:33

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  John 14:27

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."  Isaiah 26:3

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."  Psalm 4:8 

"Mercy, peace, and love be yours in abundance."  Jude 1:2

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

"The Lord is far from the wicked, but He hears the prayer of the righteous."  Proverbs 15:29 

"But truly God has listened; He has attended to the voice of my prayer."  Psalm 66:19

God is able to use the worst situations for His glory.  I pray that for myself, for my friends, and for our world!  Only He can do that.

If God had answered every other prayer I prayed, but hadn't given me peace - I don't think I could have made it in all these recent years.  The gift/blessing of His peace is beyond my feeble words to describe!  It is awesome in its power to help us.  I'm so humbly grateful for His peace that has washed over me in each situation when I've called out to Him.  How good and faithful He is!

Yes Lord

My love of God speaking to me through His creation was truly blessed by 2 events recently.  I love how that happens through a simple event that He then uses to speak profoundly to me.  I think I sometimes miss that happening when I'm not watching, listening, and observing as much as I should.  But these 2 events just stood out!

The first had to do with the baboons that we have around off and on.  In the last while we had them in our neighborhood for over a week.  They were here in large numbers the day the massive storm hit.  The rain was coming down steadily and the wind was blowing powerfully.  I looked out at my front deck/porch which is sheltered and saw quite a few of the baboons taking cover there.  One young one tucked safely under it’s mother.

As I was observing all this, I knew it was a lesson for me!  No matter what storm comes my way (and there's been a few new ones) - God will hide me in His shelter and protect me.  I don't need to fear or be nervous of what is happening - God has a sheltered place in His heart for me to hide.  He is watching over me - caring for me.  It was a wonderful reminder to me - especially in the midst of the blowing storm. 

A friend has 2 birds, a mother and father, that have been nesting in her garden.  They take turns sitting on the nest - almost like a scheduled rotation.  And if anyone comes near, the one not nesting spreads its wings and comes running as a warning to keep away!!  We were concerned about what would happen to the baby if it hatched during the storm.....but fortunately it only happened a couple days later.

I was at my friend's house a few days ago and was anxious to see the little one that had hatched.  I was standing a good distance away, but the mother bird was nervous.  She spread her wing over the little one to protect it.  It was so touching - and, of course, reminded me of the verses that God says He'll do that for us.  I came home and sat quietly - just absorbing the beauty and truth of what I'd seen.  When anything threatening comes my way, God shelters me under His wings.

"God is our shelter and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.  So we will not be afraid, even if the earth is shaken and mountains fall into the ocean depths; even if the seas roar and rage, and the hills are shaken by the violence."  Psalm 46:1-6

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge."  Psalm 18:2 

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, and He knows those who take refuge in Him."  Nahum 1:7

"He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings you may seek refuge."  Psalm 91:4

"My soul takes refuge in You; and in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge until destruction passes by."  Psalm 57:1

There have been countless times in recent years when God sheltered me and hid me under His wings.  I am so grateful for that!  The baboons and the birds reminded me that He's still doing that in things that are coming my way.  He is so good and faithful!  And I'm going to keep watching for ways He's speaking to me through His awesome creation! 

A friend shared a song with me a few days ago - "Mary Did You Know" by Peter Hollens.  Although I knew the song, I had never heard this rendition.  It's a beautiful acapella version where he amazingly sings 6 parts of harmony himself!  Growing up I sang in church choir, school choir, and a girls trio.  I love beautiful harmony!  It touches my soul.  This song has stuck in my brain, and I find myself singing/humming it repeatedly.....even waking up in the night with it on my mind.  In doing so, I've thought a lot about the lyrics.

An angel came to Mary about her bearing the Son of God.  We'll never know how much she fully understood the implications of that - but she said a resounding "yes" to the Lord.  She couldn't have known - He would walk on water, heal the blind and deaf, calm the storm, and give His life for mankind.  But she said "yes" in an amazing act of faith and obedience.  I can't begin to imagine how she felt when she saw her Son crucified.  She was a courageous woman in saying "yes" in spite of all the unknowns of the future!

I can't say what I would have done in her place, but I know I've said "yes" to the Lord in many situations throughout my life......and with certainly not having a clear understanding of the implications of that "yes."  Saying "yes" to the Lord involves trust - trust that He knows what He's doing and will help us with what is to come.  He never gives us more than we can bear in response to that "yes." 

I can remember singing the song - "I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord, Over mountain or plain or sea; I'll say what you want me to say, dear Lord; I'll be what you want me to be."  We sing it so easily in a moment of commitment in a church service.....and then we're surprised when something difficult comes up in response to that commitment.

I don't fully understand - but I know that the recent years in Floyd's life and my life have something to do with things we've said "yes" to. I probably won't fully understand until eternity.  I guess I could be asked "Sally did you know."  I didn't!  But God knew, and He has walked faithfully by my side in everything.  I couldn't ask for anything more - and, seeing His faithfulness, I know I can face whatever is still ahead.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  Proverbs 3:5

"Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."  Ephesians 5:20

"I will trust in your unfailing love...I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me."  Psalm 13:5,6

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2,3

"Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!"  Psalm 34:8

"For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:14

"The Lord goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

Mary didn't know what was ahead - Floyd didn't know - I didn't know, and still don't know - but God knows!  And He will be with us every minute of every hour of every day in whatever comes our way!  What a wonderful God!

God Cares

I've had something interesting happen in recent weeks.  At random times, I've had so many memories floating through my mind.  They all center around Floyd.  I've realized that there are two categories of memories.  Difficult, painful ones of events during his illness. There were many dramatic events over the 5+ years of his time in the hospital. To this day, there are many things I don't understand, but I still feel the pain of them.  When these memories come, I take them to the Lord and ask Him to carry the weight of them.

The other category is lovely, warm memories.  I've had lots of them pop up too.  Memories of family, friends, ministry that are precious and special.  I can almost relive the pleasantness of the things that happened through the memory.  They bring joy to my heart.  When these memories come, I thank the Lord for His goodness to us over many years.  He has been so faithful and good to us!

I'm sure these memories coming to me at unexpected times are still part of the grieving process for my heart and mind.  I'm discovering that grief doesn't go away.  I don't know if it ever will.  But it changes, it evolves, and it finds a special place to be tucked in my heart.  The razor sharp pain of disappointment and loss is gone.  It's now just tender.  It's all part of the healing process.  

I've found both kinds of memories, even the hard ones, to be a gift.  I've seen them as part of the process of grieving, healing, and moving forward.  I think the Lord has known when it would be helpful for me to rekindle all the memories.  He knows me so well!

"You shall remember all the ways which the Lord your God has led you."  Deuteronomy 8:2

"Remember the days of old, consider the years of all generations."  Deuteronomy 32:7

"Remember the former things long past.  For I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is no one like Me."  Isaiah 46:9

God remembers too:

"It is He who remembered us in our low estate, for His steadfast love endures forever."  Psalm 136:23

"He knows our frame; God remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:14

"He remembers His covenant forever, the promise He made, for a thousand generations."  Psalm 105:8

There are 352 times in the Bible that tell us to remember.  If you count all the variants of the word, then there are 550 times mentioned.  We definitely need to keep in mind the things that have happened, to be mindful of them.

Remembering how God has been with us in the ups and downs of life moves us towards Him rather than being fearful of what is to come.  I am grateful for all the memories that have been coming back to me - the good ones and the hard ones.  God was with me in both the good and the hard.  He is the one constant in all my memories.  I'm so grateful for His presence in my life!

I was reading something this week.  It included this simple statement - "God cares."  That simple, two word sentence is so profound.  In ways I've learned that God speaks to me, I felt His sweet voice ministering those two words to me personally.  My heart was warmed and encouraged by the truth of it.  God DOES care!  He cares about every single thing in our lives.  Nothing is too big or too small for His loving care.  What an encouragement that is!

A family member has been very sick.  As I prayed for that person, I knew that God cares. 

I had a tooth fall out this week.  It was a small thing, but it felt traumatic for me.  In the moment,  I knew God cares.

I heard of a sweet acquaintance, someone much younger than me, who has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  As my heart ached for her, I knew that God cares for her.

I live with complications from my own cancer.  Some things are hard, painful, and impacting.  I felt reminded this week that God cares.

In moments when I feel alone and miss Floyd, I sense the comfort of the Spirit - and know that God cares. 

I could go on and on.  The important thing for me has been being powerfully reminded that GOD CARES.  He cares about every detail in our lives.  Whatever we are facing.  Whatever our need is.  Whatever problem, emotion, situation in our lives that we are facing - God cares.  He cares lovingly and deeply.  We can bring each thing to Him and receive His help.

"Cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."  1 Peter 5:7

"I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me."  Psalm 3:5

"He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."  Psalm 91:4

"Do not gloat over me, my enemy!  Though I have fallen, I will rise.  Though I sit in darkness the Lord will be my light."  Micah 7:8 

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.' "  Isaiah 41:13

"Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always."  Psalm 105:4

The Word is full of God's love, help, and care for us.  The One who knows every sparrow that falls, and who numbers the hairs of our head - He cares!  We serve a wonderful God who cares.  I would not be still standing today except for His daily care!

Our Powerful God

I love how God speaks to me through nature.  It's rare that a day goes by that I don't hear some whisper into my heart through something in nature - the beautiful greenery, the gorgeous flowers (this spring has been spectacular because of all the winter rain), the constantly changing blues of the ocean, the gentle rolling waves, the unusual cloud formations, and, of course, the rainbows that I love.  I'll be looking at these things and sense God speaking sweet words into my heart.  I absolutely love His amazing creation!  It's a constant "gift" to me.

This past weekend we had an unusual weather event.  With the new moon phase, spring tides, and a storm surge - we had massive waves 9.5 meters (30 feet) high along 50% of the coast line of South Africa.  They were awesome in their power!  My son and I sat and watched them.  It was incredible.  In some areas cars were picked up and swept through parking lots - some were swept out to sea.  Seaside buildings had waves breaking through windows.  The videos that some people took looked like something out of a movie.

As I watched these massive, powerful waves - and later as I reflected on what I'd seen - I heard the Lord speaking very personally to me.  I've seen the love, tenderness, creativity, and warmth in the nature all around me.  But in these incredible waves I could see His power and might.  I felt His encouragement to trust and believe Him to see this in the things I'm praying for - not just for me, but for many of us. 

"These are just the beginning of all that He does, merely a whisper of His power.  Who, then, can comprehend the thunder of His power?"  Job 26:14

"Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might."  Ephesians 6:10 

"It is He who made the earth by His power, who established the world by His wisdom, and by His understanding stretched out the heavens."  Jeremiah 10:12

"You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations.  In your hand are power and might, so that none is able to withstand you."  2 Chronicles 20:6

"He determines the number of the stars; He gives to all of them their names.  Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; His understanding is beyond measure."  Psalm 147:4,5

"Now that I am old and grey, do not abandon me, O God.  Let me proclaim your power to this new generation, your mighty miracles to all who come after me."  Psalm 71:18

As I searched the Word, I found so many references to God's power.  The mighty waves reminded me of His power, and I'm encouraged to pray for more of it in our lives.  I believe He wants to show Himself powerful in our midst.

One of my favorite scriptures is Philippians 4:8 - "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

We are constantly bombarded with messages that do not hold up to the things mentioned in that verse.  In watching or reading the news, item after item is negative or discouraging.  In our daily lives we face situations that are hard and difficult - sickness, loss of a loved one, change,  financial hardships, broken relationships, depression.  The enemy takes advantage of every situation he can with his lies.

All of these things can weigh on our hearts and focus our attention in the wrong direction.  I have found it so important in these past years to concentrate on the things mentioned in that verse.  It's challenging when I'm in the midst of a difficult situation!  But it's so important.  I sometimes look at that list and make a list of my own of the specific things in those categories. 

I especially like "if there is ANYTHING excellent or praiseworthy" - one version says "if there is anything worthy of praise."  And you know what?  There are always, always, always things worthy of praise.  When I focus on those things, the heaviness lifts and my heart turns to worship.

Just this week there have been some difficult and discouraging things I've been facing.  I had to remind myself of the Philippians verse and make my list.  It's a powerful tool and exercise.  It always reminds me that I have so very much to be thankful for even in the midst of life's difficulties.  Thank you Jesus! 

"Therefore...fix your thoughts on Jesus."  Hebrews 3:1

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior."  Habakkuk 3:17,18

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38, 39

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence."  Psalm 42:5 

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want..  I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:12,13

As we focus on the things in Philippians 4:8, hope comes alive in our hearts.  The distressing situation gets smaller and the truth of God's goodness and faithfulness grows strong in our hearts.  He has never failed us! 

Don't Give Up

I'm so grateful for all the faithful prayers being lifted up for me around the world.  At times when I'm facing something difficult - or I'm feeling discouraged - or I'm not doing good physically - it makes me feel so encouraged to know that others are praying for me!  It's such a comfort.

Last week I had an answer to some of those prayers!  I had my checkups to see what happened from my radiation therapy.  It was good news!  The tumor has shrunk, and the cancer hasn't spread.  We wished the tumor had shrunk more - or even disappeared - but I'm so grateful that it shrunk!!  Will keep praying for further results.

Someone recently told me that I shouldn't keep asking for prayer for healing.  God has clearly said "no" since I'm not healed.  I should accept that, and just learn the lessons He has for me.  I thought about it, and realized I don't agree with that perspective.

I have tried to learn every lesson the Lord has had for me on this long unexpected journey.  But I've also felt to keep asking for healing.  I think we're given that freedom to ask, and ask repeatedly, in the Word.  I think of the parable of the persistent widow who kept asking the judge for her request.  She didn't give up.  She kept asking.  

In this parable I think Jesus was teaching His disciples, and us, to never give up!  He teaches them the importance and power of persistence and resilience.  We will all face hard things - disappointment, illness, loss, suffering - but we shouldn't give up or lose hope.

In persisting and enduring, God will never give us more than we can bear.  We may sometimes feel it's "too much," but God is with us and knows how much we can endure.  The trials strengthen us, even as we pray for deliverance.  We need to keep our eyes on Him and trust Him.  He will help us endure.  I’ve said before, when God says "no" there is a better "yes" to come.  But I don't see anywhere that He tells us to stop praying and asking for deliverance to whatever our situation is.  He can change our situation in an instant.  In the meantime, our response is to trust Him.

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." 1 Corinthians 10:13

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."  Psalm 23:4

"God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation."  Isaiah 12:2

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord."  Psalm 27:14

I'm grateful for the results from my check up.  And I'm thankful for all the wonderful things the Lord has taught me these last 9+ years.  And I'll keep asking for His healing touch throughout my body.  I love Him and trust Him.  God is so good!

The last few days have been a bit rocky.  I think I'm impacted by the cold, wet weather (everyone is - winter just won't go away!) and by some pain I've had.  I think I was recovering from the stress of all my checkups too. 

I was talking to the Lord about all this, and was reminded to be thankful in all circumstances.  As you know, that's not always the easiest thing to do.  I realized I can keep it simple - just saying "thank you Jesus" in the midst of whatever is happening.  The more I said it, the better I felt.  I could feel joy coming in the midst of the hard things.  The simple expression of gratitude helped to brighten my situation.  I've just kept thanking the Lord day by day.  It has given me strength to keep going in spite of things dragging me down.

And - I have soooo much to be thankful for.  At one point this week, I just started speaking out all the things I have to thank the Lord for.  It took quite a while as God has been so good to me.  And, again, as I did that it helped lift the heavy things from my heart.  Gratitude is a powerful thing!

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good."  Psalm 107:1

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  2 Corinthians 12:9

"Trust in Him at all times - pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."  Psalm 62:8

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Joy, strength, comfort, help, healing, and grace come as we simply thank Him!  I've known this, but this week I learned it again.  I'm so grateful for His help with every single thing I walk through.  He is so faithful!

The Miracle of Enduring Grace

During these past weeks I've had some really good times with the Lord.  I listened to a couple sermons that gave me some insightful things to ponder.  I've been thinking and praying about several things.  I so love how God keeps teaching me things on this long journey. 

When we go through trials, sickness, suffering - any kind of a hard time - we pray for change, for healing, for miracles.  Sometimes we get the answer we're praying for, but often times we don't.  How we respond to those times is so important in our walk with the Lord.

I've been thinking that there are two kinds of miracles in answer to our prayers.  One is relief from the difficult thing we're praying for.  But the other kind of miracle is an enduring grace and faith to go through the hard time.  It's not something we can "work up" in ourselves.  It's a miracle from the Lord to walk through the painful and difficult thing.  I think this is the miracle I've been experiencing the past 9 years!  I couldn't have made it without God's "miracle" of enduring grace and faith.  The power seen in instant miracles is also seen in endurance - perhaps even more so!

Enduring faith helps build our character in the midst of the difficulty.  I know that has happened for me.  God has taught me so many precious lessons during these years - and He's drawn me closer and closer to Him.  I wouldn't trade that for anything.

When God doesn't answer a prayer in the way we thought would happen - when He says "no" - there is a better "yes" to follow in what He has for us.  A delayed answer is "gaining interest" in the ways that God works in our lives.  

A breakthrough, a miracle, in what we're praying for is not a formula.  It's all about relationship and trust in what God has for us.  We have to remember that "God is working in all things for good."  Saying "yes" to God no matter what happens is where we gain strength in our walk with Him.  This is where there is strength in the midst of our weakness, sickness, and trials.  Trust in Him in the midst of the trial keeps hope alive for whatever He has in store for us. 

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10 

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised."  Hebrews 10:36

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.' "  Lamentations 3:22-24

"Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths."  Proverbs 3:5,6

"We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul - not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.  It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy."  Colossians 1:11 The Message

"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith."  Ephesians 3:16

Faith often brings answers, but not all the answers.  Enduring faith presses us into God for the answers He has for us.  There is power seen in miracles, but there is also much power, maybe even more, seen in endurance.  I sometimes look back over all these recent years at everything that has happened in my life.  I honestly don't know how I've made it.  It is only by the miracle of God's enduring grace and faith that I've survived.  And the wonderful thing with God helping us to endure is that we don't come through all bruised and battered.  Because we're walking with Him, learning the lessons He has for us - we come through in victory!  

As I've pondered these things the last few weeks, I have been overwhelmed with gratitude to the Lord for His goodness to me.  My heart is so full of worship for how wonderful God has been to me day by day, week by week, month by month!  He is awesome!

He Makes Beauty Out of Dust

A few days ago I turned 75.  It suddenly sounded "old" to me.  I don't feel old!!  But then I remembered - my sister turned 90 this month.  I'm still "young."  :)  I'm grateful for every year, every day, that I have.

Someone sent me the lyrics of a song by Gungor.  Some of the words resonated in my heart for the year ahead:

"You make beautiful things out of the dust...

You make beautiful things out of us...

Hope is springing up from this old ground

Out of chaos, life is being found in You...

You make me new, You are making me new"

I'm praying for God to make all things new for me.  That's my hope for the year ahead.  God has wonderfully sustained me.  He has been faithful to me all these years.  I am so grateful for His goodness and faithfulness.  I trust Him in what is to come.

"Those who hope in me will not be disappointed."  Isaiah 49:23B

"He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them."  Psalm 145:19

"The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."  Isaiah 58:11

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"  Isaiah 43:18,19 

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."  Ecclesiastes 3:11

"And He who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.' " Revelation 21:5

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22,23

I trust in His steadfast love for the year ahead.  I'm asking Him to make things new in my life.

Here in Cape Town there have been taxi strikes going on this past week.  For those that don’t live in South Africa, the taxis are large vans that transport people to work and school.  It's the primary mode of transportation for hundreds of thousands of people. 

Sadly there were also scattered incidents of violence where some buses were stoned and set on fire, protesters blocked people from leaving to go to their jobs and it is awful to say, some lives were lost.  I have friends in these communities.  I've been praying for them and sending messages of encouragement in the midst of it all. 

Thankfully, an agreement between the 2 sides came last night, and the strike was called off.  It's a great sense of relief that this is over!  "Normal" sounds really good right now.

I have been stirred to intercession for my friends.  It's been a hard time for them.  And I've also had a new sense of gratitude for things I take for granted.  I've also been praying for all the people in Maui who have lost their homes and livelihood in the fires.  An immense tragedy - so much loss.

As I've pondered all this - one thing is clear.  Our lives can change in an instant!  We must daily be grateful for what we have - and stay close to the Lord who will help us when we face that "instant change."  I remember my shock at how quickly our lives changed when Floyd got sick - my energetic, healthy, strong husband was overnight in ICU battling for his life.  No warning.  No preparation.  Just instant change.

Trust, gratitude, staying close to the Lord, talking to Him continually about what is happening - those are our lifelines when unexpected things come our way.  They've gotten me through the tumult of recent years.  God has been faithful to meet me and help me! 

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the seas, thought its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling."  Psalm 46:1-3

"Because He holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name.  When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him."  Psalm 91:14,15

"How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 36:7

There are hundreds of verses of God meeting us in the hard situations of life.  I'm so grateful for the power and truth of each one.  God is with us!

We can find refuge in the shadow of His wings!

I'm Grateful

There's a question that I've often been asked.  I imagine you've had it too.  Someone will say "how are you?"  The standard answer is "I'm fine."  But many times that wasn't the case.  I wasn't fine.  I may have been sick in some way - or discouraged - or overwhelmed.  But people don't want to hear a litany of those things.  They're usually just being polite in asking the question.

Recently someone shared on the FaceBook prayer page something her pastor had taught.  When someone asks "how are you?" - a good answer is "I'm grateful."  I love that!!!  And it's true.  Even in hard times, my heart is grateful.  It's the perfect answer to that question.

Some things I'm grateful for today:

• Sunshine!!  The last few days have been sooo cold.  The sun today warms my heart and my body.

• Grocery delivery!  One good thing that the pandemic brought is delivery service.  I can order just about anything and have it delivered.

• Friends!  A friend came over today to help me with something.  I so appreciated it.

• Strength!  I had a long list of things to accomplish, and the Lord gave me strength to make it through the list.

• The internet!  It allows me to communicate with all of you from right here in my home.  I'm old enough to remember when we had to communicate with letters.  It took days to get a message to someone.

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."  Proverbs 17:22

My heart is cheerful - filled with gratitude.

When I face challenging situations (I’ve had a few this week) - I face a big temptation!  To worry!  My mind for details thinks through everything about the projects.  If I'm not careful, I can get bogged down in the pit of worry.  I have to continually give things to the Lord.  Even in the midst of a stressful project I had this week, I had to walk away, sit down, and give everything to the Lord.  One time wasn't enough!  I had to keep giving things to the Lord and ask Him to carry the burden for me.

Continually communicating with the Lord is our protection from being weighed down by the burdens we face - both large and small.  The key is the constant communication!  The Lord doesn't get tired of our bringing the situation to Him.  He is always available, always listening, always ready to help.  As I gave the burden to Him repeatedly, I could feel His help and strength to make it through.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"  Luke 12:25,26

"In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help.  From His temple He heard my voice, and my cry to Him reached His ears."  Psalm 18:6 

"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up."  Proverbs 12:25

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

I had a friend speaking kind words - and was surrounded by the peace of the Lord.  It was a good week. :) 

Happiness Within

With all the ups and downs of recent weeks/months - the Lord has been calling my attention once again to "being content."  

"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13

Trying to muddle through in my own strength never works.  I need to immediately call upon the Lord to help me.

Affliction/trials/suffering - these things are a largely unappreciated gift in our lives.  Everyone at one time or another will face these things.  It's part of life in our fallen world.  It's not whether we will face these hard times, but how we will face them.  Life is so worth living despite the hard times and suffering.  The challenge is to suffer well - to find the good in the suffering.

A young woman attending a conference on happiness who was crippled by polio said - "It is my experience that suffering and pain are, unfortunately, great character builders - not that suffering is good in itself, but because it often helps to shift our expectation of happiness from without to a search for it from within."

If I've learned anything in the last 9 years, it's that there is so much good to be found in times of suffering.  There are lessons to be learned that we won't learn in any other way.  Do I wish I hadn't had to go through the hard times - especially in losing my husband?  Of course! But at the same time, I'm so grateful for the closeness of fellowship with the Lord that came out of it and the wonderful lessons He has taught me.  Somehow those things help balance the scales of the hard things.  There is hope for good things in suffering when we walk with the Lord!

So - to go back to contentment - with the roller coaster of recent times.....the Lord has been reminding me to look for the good again in the hard times and to keep my eyes on Him.  I will think I'm doing that, and then He'll show me where I'm trying to make it in my own strength.  I'm amazed at how easily I can slip into that mode if I'm not careful!

I'm hoping (and praying) for better times ahead - how I would love that!  But I want to keep my eyes clearly focused on the Lord in whatever comes my way.  I want to be "content" in every situation with His grace and strength.  Contentment and happiness truly come when we stay close to the Lord in trusting Him in whatever comes our way.

"Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts Him!"  Psalm 34:8

"You keep track of all my sorrows."  Psalm 56:8

"The name of the Lord is a strong fortress; the godly run to Him and are safe."  Proverbs 18:10

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.  And this hope will not lead to disappointment."  Romans 5:3-3 NLT 

"Be still, and know that I am God."  Psalm 46:10

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."  Psalm 46:1 

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness."  James 1:2,3

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord."

"A contented person has learned to accept the bitter with the sweet."   I'm endeavoring to learn that afresh!

We are having lots of "load shedding" (where the electricity is turned off for blocks of time in order to prevent a grid collapse).  Many days it's for 7 hours a day.  Some days it's been 10 hours a day.  You can probably imagine the disruption it causes.  Much of daily life has to be planned around those times.  It causes lots of frustration, and things get damaged with the surges of electricity. 

When we have load shedding during the night, it is so intensely dark.  One night laying in bed I literally couldn't see my hand in front of my face.  Rechargeable light bulbs (that go to half strength during load shedding so its not completely dark), power surge protectors, and battery powered lanterns are a great help.

Dealing with the darkness of load shedding has made me think a lot of how God has taken us from darkness into light.  I have a new gratitude for that.  I'm thankful that even in the darkness of what we're walking through each day - I live in the wonderful light of Jesus.  I sense the light of His presence during the dark hours.  My heart has been stirred to pray for those who are living in spiritual darkness and don't know the light the Lord brings. 

He is our light.  He is our comfort.  He is our protector.  He is our guide.  He is with us always, shining bright and holding back the darkness.  He never leaves us, never forsakes us.  How I love Him for all He is to us with His light.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."  John 1:5 NIV

"I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."  John 8:12

"God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all."  1 John 1:5

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."  Psalm 119:105

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?"  Psalm 27:1

"Then God said, 'Let there be light; and there was light.' "  Genesis1:3

I am so grateful for the light that He creates daily in our lives.  It is a guide to my path. 

Bearing Fruit in Old Age

I was meditating on a verse this week. "I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."  (Psalm 139:14)  I started thinking of my "beginnings."  My mother had me at a time when women her age no longer had babies.  In fact, her doctor told her she could no longer have children.  But she prayed - for one more child that she could dedicate to become a missionary.  She had a heart for missions.  She couldn't go, but she prayed for a child that would go.

Well, against all odds, she had me.  And she prayed over me every day of my growing up years that I would be a missionary.  During these same years, Floyd's parents prayed daily for the woman that would some day be his wife.  That's a lot of prayers invested in me.....one who is "fearfully and wonderfully made."  I have no doubt that God's hand has been upon me from my conception - and that He led me to the right partner in life.  From our first meeting at a YWAM outreach, to getting to know each other writing letters, and to our wedding day - we sensed God's hand upon us.  We had a wonderful life in ministry together - not always smooth and easy, but rich and rewarding.

I'm older now.  I'm a widow.  I'm battling cancer.  I sometimes wonder what's ahead.....but God reminded me as I meditated on that verse - that I'm still "fearfully and wonderfully made."  That hasn't changed.  And He led me to another verse - "They shall still bear fruit in old age." (Psalm 92:14) 

God's plan for our lives doesn't change as the years go by.  Our situations may change.  Our bodies certainly change.  But He hasn't changed!  He still has a plan for us because we are "fearfully and wonderfully made."  He has "fruit" for us in every season of life.  We may not always see it, but we can stand on the promise in His word.

I read of a lady who was housebound and in a wheelchair.  She put an ad in the newspaper and told people they could call her if they wanted to talk.  They could share their problems and help each other.  She immediately started getting calls - 30 or more a week.  Even in her difficult situation, God gave her a way to have "fruit."

He who made us has fruit for us in every season of life!

I've had a very full week with a lot of different things to deal with.  My energy is lagging, but it's been sufficient to get me through the week.  I'm so grateful for that.  The Lord spoke to me through a devotional I was reading.  "Be strong...and work; for I am with you."  (Haggai 2:4)  All I can do is be strong with what energy I have, get busy with the work, and He will be with me.  That encourages me so much - and I'm thankful that it's been true! 

So, as I come to the end of this week, I am thankful, thankful, thankful!  God has been so good to me - in so many ways - on so many levels.  He is awesome in His faithfulness!

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ."  Ephesians 1:3

"Give thanks in all circumstances."  1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name."  Psalm 100:4

I'm praising His name for His goodness! 

Rock of Ages

The last couple weeks have been pretty intense for me.  There have been many things for me to deal with.  There was one thing that hit me particularly hard.  I immediately felt nervous, anxious, fearful even.  I knew I needed to take it to the Lord right away - which I did.  I proclaimed my trust in Him.  I immediately thought of the verse "When I am afraid, I will trust in you." - Psalm 56:3.  David was a mighty warrior, but he had moments of fear.....and he knew what to do with that fear.  He turned to the Lord.

Fear and trust can go hand-in-hand.  It all depends on our response.  That's what David was saying in that verse.  We don't need to beat ourselves up if we are anxious or fearful.  We just need to take our emotion to the Lord, and affirm our trust in Him.  When I did that, and I also asked some friends to pray for me, a sweet peace came into my heart.

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

"After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  And after the fire came a gentle whisper."  1 Kings 19:12 

"He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him."  Psalm 91:15

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.  Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me."  Psalm 23:4

My situation isn't resolved, but I know God is with me and carrying me through it.  I feel His covering of peace. 

It's rare for a day to go by that I don't thank the Lord for being my ROCK.  I know I need to cling to the Lord as my steadfast, sure rock.  He has supported me through all I've gone through. 

A friend sent me a story from a devotional.  A young man was in a ship wreck and lost at sea.  He was able to grab a big rock.  He was cold and trembling the whole night with waves crashing all around him.  Later after he was rescued people asked him if he wasn't scared.  He replied, "I was scared, but the rock never moved!"

I love that!  The Rock I cling to never moves either.  He has stayed firm as my foundation all these years.  I think of the song - "Rock of ages, cleft for me, Let me hide myself in Thee."  I have hidden myself in the wonderful Rock of Jesus.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.  He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.  I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise."  Psalm 18:1-3

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer."  2 Samuel 22:2

"My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.  He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved." Psalm 62:5,6

When I have been in need, called out to the Lord, and waited for Him - He has always come through as my Rock.  He has never failed me.  He is so faithful!

Grow!

I have been meditating on 2 quotes that particularly impacted me when Floyd was so sick.  The Lord brought them to my attention a few days ago.

"Nothing that comes to us can injure us unless it causes us to have a wrong attitude.  It is one's response that blesses or burns."  Paul Billheimer

I remember praying over that quote more than once and asking God to help me to have a "good" attitude in all that was happening in our lives.  I wanted to come through it all without getting burned.  When I struggled with something, didn't understand something - I learned to immediately take it to the Lord.  I didn't always get understanding, but the Lord helped me give things to Him.  He protected my heart from a "wrong" attitude.

"The eternal essence of a thing is not in the thing itself, but in one's reaction to it.  The distressing situation will pass, but one's reaction toward it will leave a moral and spiritual deposit in his character that is eternal."  Amy Carmichael 

Wow - that's a pretty big statement!  And it's so true.  Most of the hard things I go through will pass - but I want my heart to remain right.  I want to "react" in a Godly way.  I asked the Lord many times in the years past with all we were going through to help me respond the right way.  There were some big ministry things as well as Floyd's illness and my cancer - and some other hard things happening in our extended family.  Sometimes it felt like a tsunami hitting me - things from all sides.  I thank the Lord for carrying me through it all.

I’m glad I was reminded of these quotes because I'm praying them afresh with things I'm walking through now.  I find them a good guideline for normal life - as well as going through hard times.  Christ in us/me is greater than the pressure of anything around us!  Our inner strength in Him protects us when blows and burdens press upon us.   

"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being."  Ephesians 3:16 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2,3

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."  Hebrews 10:23

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior."  Habakkuk 3:17, 18

That last verse has been a key one for me.  Continually speaking out praise, worship, trust and thankfulness to the Lord has protected my heart and kept me focused on God's goodness.

It also allowed me to see the "blessings" in the midst of the hard times.  It kept me from being "burned."  And there were many blessings!  I'm so grateful that God helped me see them.

Through all these things I’ve gone through during the last years my heart's desire has also been to grow.  To grow in being more like Jesus.  To grow in intimacy with the Father.  To grow in maturity.  To grow in wisdom.  To grow in trust.  Just to GROW.   

I didn't want to go backwards in my walk with the Lord.  I didn't want to blame, or mistrust, or grow cold in my walk with the Lord.  There were hard things to deal with.  There were many things I didn't understand.  There were times when I felt stretched to what I was sure would be my breaking point.  There was pressure upon pressure.   And there were so many times when I didn't know what to do and I had huge decisions to make.

Through it all I told the Lord I wanted to grow - and I asked him to help me!!

A friend sent me a video clip recently that warmed my heart.  It so resonated with me.  In it there's a small stump of a tree right beside a  metal pole of a stop sign.  Out of that stump a tree starts growing inside the metal pole - up, up, up until it reaches the top of the red stop sign.  From there green branches of leaves burst forth in abundance.  It's quite amazing!  I have used a similar picture at the top of this post to give you an idea.

It speaks to me that when we want to grow - nothing, absolutely nothing, can stop us.....and certainly not with the Lord helping us.  I've grown these last years.  It's sometimes been painful growth, but the Lord has been right by my side, holding my right hand, and helping me.  I am eternally grateful for God helping me grow in the midst of extremely difficult times.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  Matthew 11:28-30

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."  Isaiah 41:13

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!"  Psalm 34:8

"Because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice."  Psalm 63:7

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace."  Numbers 6:24-26

The Lord wants nothing more than for us to grow closer and closer to Him.  He will help us get through every obstacle we face.  He loves us and wants us to have intimacy of fellowship with Him.  What a precious gift it is.

God has been so good to me!  I couldn't have made it through all these years without him.

Lessons Under My Belt

Recently on one of our cold, gray, rainy winter days I decided to sort through some files and papers.  My energy was lagging, so I needed to do something that didn't require a lot of energy.

I came across the file of all the messages I received when Floyd passed away.  I had read them all at the time, but, of course, it was a very busy time so I had read them rather quickly.  I decided to read them all again - slowly this time.

As might be expected, there were lots of tears.  But there was also much joy and gratitude for all that was expressed.  There were stories of Floyd's impact in different ways in people's lives that I didn't know about.  The outpouring of love and appreciation impacted my heart deeply - it was like a fresh wave of healing to my heart as I read all the consoling messages.

I'm so grateful for all those messages from when Floyd passed away!  And it reminded me again of all the wonderful people the Lord has allowed us to cross paths with.  I again "savored" each one - as I wrote about in my last post. 

I have missed Floyd so much during this last treatment and post treatment side effects.  It has been a rough time.  My mind went back to how loving and supportive he was during my very first diagnosis and treatment of cancer.  I wish he could have been with me in this recent time.  But - because he wasn't, it pushed me in closer to the Father's heart of love and care again.  And that is a precious gift.  I'm so grateful I'm never alone.  The Lord is with me 24/7!  In this difficult time I have sensed His tender love and care. 

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:13,14 

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."  James 4:8 

"May your unfailing love be my comfort." Psalm 119:76 

"In Him we live and move and have our being."  Acts 17:28

Wonderful people and a loving, faithful God - what more could I ask for?!!

Another beautiful encouragement I had was from, George Verwer,  founder of Operation Mobilization and dear friend.  He passed away recently.  He had often written encouraging messages to me during Floyd's illness.  He actually wrote me a letter a couple weeks before he passed away.  Mail is slow here (if we get it at all), and I only got his letter this past week.  It blessed me that he was thinking of me in his last days - and, as always, it was a letter of encouragement.

He enclosed a booklet entitled "Failure, the Back Door to Success." *  In it he shared very vulnerably of how some failures in his life taught him lessons that went on to lead to successes.  I could completely relate to what he shared.  I thought back to some difficult times in our lives, some "failures,"  and how God used them to shape our character and mature us in our leadership.  There were definitely successes that came in the years ahead from those painful lessons. 

In fact, I thought about how some lessons I learned during difficult times prepared me for the last 9 years.  I don't know if I'd have made it through this time if I hadn't learned those lessons.  I didn't particularly like it when I was going through the difficult times and learning the lessons - but I am so, so grateful that I had those lessons "under my belt" to help me in the challenges of these recent years.  God knew I would need those lessons and graciously took me through the hard times to learn them.

None of us like going through hard times!!  We feel the pain and disappointment of our "failures."  We want God to "fix" the problem, not teach us lessons.  But we don't see how God is using those hard times to stretch us, teach us, and build new foundations in our lives.  All these years later I am so grateful that God prepared me for what Floyd and I have gone through in these recent years.

I've mentioned it before, but Paul Billheimer's book "Don't Waste Your Sorrows" is a profound teaching on this topic.  It's a Godly perspective on going through difficulties.  I highly recommend it.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord.  "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:8,9

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:12,13

I don't like failures - whether it's when I'm cooking or in leadership.  Failure is disappointing and hard.  But I'm grateful that God can take the failures, teach us lessons, and use it to bring success in the future.  He has done that time and time again for us. 

* "Failure, the Back Door to Success" is taken from George Verwer's book "Drops from a Leaking Tap."  

Finding a Way Around

In recent years with all we've faced and gone through, I have seen so many answers to prayer.  It has been very special and encouraging.  I'm grateful for each answer!

But there have been many things I've prayed for where I didn't see answers.  I trust God.  I trust His wisdom to know what's best.  But sometimes I've wondered about the unanswered prayers - the obstacles I asked God to remove.....but they didn't budge.  They remained bright as day - huge and unmoving.

At some point I came across this quote - "If God doesn't remove an obstacle, He'll help you find a way around it."  And that's what happened.  He helped me deal with the obstacles.  He showed me how to overcome the problem that they caused.  He led me in directions where the obstacle wasn't on the path.

I guess I still have questions that I wonder about, but I'll have all of eternity to ask the Lord about them.  The thing that is foremost in my mind is that God helped me deal with the obstacle even when it wasn't removed.  How awesome is that?!

"When they looked up, they saw that the stone had been rolled away."  Mark 16:4 

"We triumph even in our troubles, knowing that trouble produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope - a hope which never disappoints us, since God's love floods our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us."  Romans 5:3,5

"Know Him in all your paths, and He will keep your ways straight."  Proverbs 3:6

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  James 1:2-4

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.  But He said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:8-10 

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."  Philippians 4:6

"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."  Exodus 14:14

I know there will continue to be obstacles on my journey, but I also know God will remove them or help me find a way around them.  That gives me such a sense of peace on the journey.  How faithful and good He is!

Through the years we have been blessed to work with some wonderful people - to be part of some inspiring groups - and live in interesting places.  One of the things we've learned is to "savor" each one of those.  You never know when things will change, people move on, or even God moving us on.

We lived in Holland for 18 years.  I thought we would continue living there for many, many years.  And suddenly! - everything changed and we were leaving.  We loved living there, loved the Dutch culture and people.  We felt very much at home and wanted to stay.  But God was leading a different way.  I'm so glad that we had "savored" every day there.  The years in Holland went with us in our hearts.

Our years in Kabul, Afghanistan were very different.  It was not an easy place to live!  So many challenges.  And yet, I loved living there and "savored" all the rich experiences.  We were there when the king was overthrown - an important moment in the history of the country.  We were there when the Christian church (for foreigners) was torn down - a sad and historic day.  The government had heard there was an "underground church."  So they tore the building down and dug deep into the ground looking for that church.  I have a piece of the marble floor of the church.  Every time I look at it, it reminds me to pray for that country that is going through such hard times - especially the women and children. 

If I counted right, we have lived in 13 different places, and worked with hundreds and hundreds of wonderful people.  Not everything was easy and smooth going, but, none the less, we savored each place, each relationship, each person.  I feel so blessed to have had the life we've had......"savoring" each minute.  I thank the Lord for how He's led us all our years.

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."  Philippians 2:4

"Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms."  1 Peter 4:10

"A friend loves at all times."  Proverbs 17:17 

"God is love.  In this the love of God was made manifest among us, so that we might live through Him.  In this is love, not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His son to be the expiation for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."  1 John 4:8-11

"Share each other's burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

Our greatest wealth is not measured in terms of riches but relationships.  We've never had a lot of money, but we are exceedingly rich in the gift of people in our lives. 

One Cold Day at a Time

My heart sends warm greetings, but outside we are having freezing cold, wet winter days.  Definitely not my favorite thing!  I find the winter weather really hard to bear and discouraging.  I think one reason it's so hard is that I'm dealing with pain from my recent treatment.  The cold weather seems to accentuate the pain.  I was talking to the Lord about it - telling him I didn't know if I could cope with all the winter days ahead.  He lovingly reminded me that I am supposed to take it one day at a time......not days, weeks, or months at a time.  I know that, of course, but in the midst of these cold days it was easy to forget and focus on all that's ahead.

My part is to simply ask the Lord for grace and strength for one cold day at a time.  If I try to cope with all the days ahead, I would probably collapse under the load of discouragement that the cold days bring.  It was a good reminder of an important principle.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."  Matthew 6:34

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken."  Psalm 62:1,2

"The Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in Him."  Psalm 32:10

"The Lord is good.  A stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him."  Nahum 1:7 

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear."  Psalm 46:1

"How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 36:7

When I'm struggling with the cold or the pain, I find it helpful to speak out all the things Jesus is to me.  It's a helpful and powerful reminder!  He is so faithful.