Minute by Minute Grace

Floyd's situation remains much the same.  He is still battling the chest congestion, but he also still tries to smile and be engaged with the carers.  The therapist thinks he is doing well in spite of the congestion.  The hospital staff takes really good care of him, and they love and encourage him.  I'm so grateful for the kind, loving care that Floyd receives.

In this current season of our unexpected journey, I feel like I'm not only clinging to the Lord day-by-day - I'm often trying to make it minute-by-minute.  There are so many things that are impacting my life at the moment.  I seem to have things coming at me from all directions.  

I was encouraged by a devotional that someone sent me from Charles Spurgeon.  He said - "Trials make more room for consolation.  Great hearts can only be made by great troubles.  The spade of trouble digs the reservoir of comfort deeper, and makes room for consolation."

I think that's what I am experiencing.  I would say it a little differently.  Because the trials are numerous and weighty - God's grace and strength, His "consolations," are abundant and powerful too.  The more I cling to Him in the trials, the more I receive His help!  He is truly "sufficient" as the Word says. 

The important thing, though, is for me not to try and make it through on my own strength.  I MUST cling to Him.  I must share my heart, my thoughts, my feelings, my need.  I have to be absolutely vulnerable in expressing my situation.  That allows Him to respond to me out of His absolute ability to help me!  If I try to plow my way through on my own, I'll never make it.  But if I lean into the Lord, He'll help me make it!

I'm calling on Him minute-by-minute to meet me in my need!  He is so faithful to do that.

"My God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:19

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  2 Corinthians 12:9

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:13,14

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.  Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."  Psalm 34:4,5

"Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:39

"Let us have confidence, then, and approach God's throne, where there is grace.  There we will receive mercy and find grace to help us just when we need it."  Hebrews 4:16

I'm so grateful for God's help - and I'm so grateful for your prayers that help me on this minute-by-minute journey.l

I am ever-so-slowly gaining strength after my surgery.  My recovery is definitely slow, but at least I'm headed in the right direction.  I'm very grateful for that.  

Laying in bed last night, I suddenly heard loud booms.  At first I thought it was thunder.  Then our neighborhood whatsapp group clarified that it was the military doing some training exercises nearby.  

As I thought about what was happening, I began to think about the fact that there is "warfare" happening around us all the time.  We just can't hear it or see it.  The "enemy of our soul" is seeking to destroy us continually.  He is especially seeking to undermine our faith and confidence in our wonderful Lord.

There have been times on our unexpected journey when I've sensed the whispers of the enemy.  Times when he's tried to get me to believe that God doesn't care - that God has left me all alone on this journey - that it's "too much" for me to cope with - that the journey will never end or that I'll just slowly wear down under the onslaught.  There IS warfare, a tug-of-war between good and evil that takes place around us.  We just can't hear the "booms" of it taking place.

When I sense and hear these diabolical whispers, I know how important it is to stand against them.  If I let my mind entertain even one little bit of them, it opens the door for the enemy to bring separation between God and me.  I have to counteract them immediately. 

I do that through worship.  I speak the truth of who God is.  I thank Him for His goodness and faithfulness.  I sing songs of praise.  I speak out verses of scripture about God's awesomeness.  I tell the enemy that he's a liar, and I don't receive any of his accusations.  I take authority over him in the name of Jesus.

"Submit yourselves to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."  James 4:7

"Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world."  1 John 4:4

"Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith."  1 Peter 5:8,9

"Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."  1 Corinthians 15:57

"O give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His lovingkindness is everlasting."  1 Chronicles 16:34

When the "booms" of spiritual warfare come my way, I know the "weapon" I have at my disposal - proclaiming the wonderful goodness and faithfulness of the Lord.  He is truly good all the time!!

This Sat., Feb. 23, is a kind of anniversary on our long unexpected journey.  But it's one I haven't been looking forward to!  It marks 3 years since the day that Floyd first became ill with a rare infection - so suddenly, with such strange symptoms that escalated hour by hour.  I would have never dreamed then that we would find ourselves here 3 years later.  And I certainly wouldn't have anticipated that cancer would return for me during that time - not once, but twice.  There have also been numerous other things thrown into the mix over this time.  What a wild ride this journey has been!

As this day has been approaching, I've been examining what's in my heart - what my emotions are, what I'm thinking.  It's become clear to me that my predominant thought and feeling is hope.  That probably sounds a little strange.  In many ways our situation seems rather hopeless.

But the verse from Jeremiah 29:11 rings in my ears - " 'I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' "

There is always hope with our wonderful Lord!  I don't know what that looks like.  But hope is still alive in my heart even after this long, roller-coaster ride of a journey.

What has happened to Floyd is probably his worst nightmare.  His "voice" was always his strength.  Being paralyzed, losing his voice and living in a silent world must be unimaginably difficult.  I can't begin to understand how it must be for him.  And yet, he manages to smile when we visit him.  That assures me that God is giving him grace to persevere.  I would even venture to say that there is some measure of hope in Floyd's heart.

I don't know what's ahead for Floyd.  My prayer is one of stating my trust in God's sovereignty, and praying for healing or heaven......trusting that God knows best.  My heart of hope is at peace with the future God has for us.

G.K. Chesterton said that "hope is the power of being cheerful in circumstances we know to be desperate."  I know our circumstances are somewhat desperate, but I have joy and hope in my trust in God.  I don't live with a cloud of doom over my head.  He gives grace to face each day with hope.

God has been so good, so faithful, so abundant in His giving of grace - I have no reason to fear what's ahead because I can see how wonderfully He has helped me each day of this 3 year journey.  He doesn't change, so I know He'll help me with whatever is ahead.  That truth, that fact allows me to keep hope alive in my heart!  He is truly a God of hope!

"As for me, I watch in hope for the Lord; I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

"Now, Lord, for what do I wait?  My hope is in You."  Psalm 39:7

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence."  Psalm 42:5

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."  Hebrews 6:19

"Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed."  Isaiah 49:23

Whatever our situation, hard and dire though it may be - we always, always, always have hope in Him!  He is faithful.  He is faithfully walking beside me.

Thankfull for My Sweetheat

Floyd has been having some difficult days.  The chest congestion flared up again big time.  He’s been really miserable.  He bravely tries to smile when the carers come, and he tries to be attentive - but he has not been feeling well.  We pray for strength, grace, and healing for him.

As we come upon the 3rd year of Floyd being sick - I realized that I'm weary in some ways on this long unexpected journey.  When I approached the recent surgery, I wondered how I'd do.  I wondered if I'd have adequate strength to bounce back.  I wondered, even, if my body would survive yet another surgery, my 6th.  I wondered if it would take ages to get back to feeling normal.

I was filled with questions.  I faithfully took each one to the Lord.  I "cast the burden" of my questions upon the Lord.  I gave them to Him, and received by faith all that I would need.

About 10 days after the surgery I was feeling quite good.  Everyone, including the doctors, told me that I looked good.  That's always nice to hear after having gone through a complicated, intense 3 hour surgery. :)

I’m so grateful to Jesus!  I feel He sustained me, helped me, carried me - and has been with me each step of the way. 

"Even to your old age I am He, and to gray hairs I will carry you.  I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save."  Isaiah 46:4

"God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:19

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved."  Psalm 55:22

"The Lord stood by me and strengthened me."  2 Timothy 4:17

"The Lord is near to all who call on Him."  Psalm 145:18

"They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

"In all their distress He too was distressed, and the angel of His presence saved them.  In His love and mercy He redeemed them, He lifted them up and carried them all the days of old."  Isaiah 63:9

"You saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries His son."  Deuteronomy 1:31

"He tends His flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart."  Isaiah 40:11

God is so good!  He has truly "carried" me.  He has helped me in Floyd's absence.  He has watched out for me in every detail.  I am so grateful.

Unfortunately after those days of feeling good - I got hit with a bad tummy bug that is going around.  I have been so, so sick!  In the moments of feeling awful and so very weak I have been hanging on to the Lord.

In the midst of hard times, we tend to think that making it through the hard times is complicated.  It's not true!  One of the things that I've learned is that it is simple.  It boils down to several clear, basic things:

- trusting God unreservedly

- standing on the unfailing promises of His word

- choosing to be steadfast in Him, persevering

- continually worshipping Him for who He is - especially in the darkest times

I carefully chose the word "simple," because it is.  It's not some difficult format or puzzle.   But I didn't say "easy."  Making it through hard times can be, well hard.  But when we make the choices above......it gives us a clear roadmap, and then God can give us sufficient grace to navigate the hard times.

I absolutely, positively can't make it through those simple things on my own.  I'm weak.  I'm needy.  I get tired.  I get sick, like this week.  I fail at some things.  But, with His grace and strength, I CAN make it!!  He makes up for my weaknesses and failures.  He holds my hand, and leads the way.  He never lets us down......no matter how many times the enemy tries to whisper that lie to us.  There is nothing we face that is impossible - if we keep our eyes on Him and cling to Him.

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence."  Psalm 42:5

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you."  Isaiah 43:2

"Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified.....for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."  Deuteronomy 31:6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5,6

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:17,18

"Do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed."  1 Peter 4:12,13

As long as we live on this earth, we'll face hard things.  It's part of life.  But the wonderful thing is that we don't have to face them alone.  He is continually with us!  And no matter what we face, He has good plans for us - plans to give us a hope and a future.

Since it was Valentine’s Day yesterday, I wanted to express my gratitude to the Lord for the wonderful life that Floyd and I have had, and express my love and affection for my best friend and sweetheart. 

We've had good times together - we've had hard times together, but the most important thing is that we've been together!  We've had times when we didn't know where our next meal was coming from, and we've had times when we've eaten in nice restaurants.  We've had times when we had to sleep in our car, and we've had times when we've slept in comfort and luxury.  We've had times when we couldn't even afford a tube of toothpaste (baking soda works!), and we've had times when we could easily afford our toiletries.  Our life together has had lots of ups and downs, but it's been a wonderful, wonderful life.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Even in the current season, God is still with us.  He's been good to us.  We've had a great life together.  I thank Him - and treasure the journey I've had with Floyd.  

And still, in the difficulty of our current season, I'm so overwhelmed by God's goodness.

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife."  Genesis 2:24

"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."  Mark 10:9

"Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away."  Song of Solomon 8:7

"There are three things that amaze me - no, four things that I don't understand:  how an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on a rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, how a man loves a woman."  Proverbs 30:18,19

"Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you.  Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.  Your people will be my people and your God my God."  Ruth 1:16

The verse from Ruth was part of my wedding vows to Floyd.  I sometimes joked and told Floyd that I never dreamed what I was committing myself to!  I never dreamed all the places I'd go in following by his side. : )

Cocooned in Peace

Floyd had some hard days this week with the chest congestion but thankfully the Lord has answered our prayers and it cleared up in recent days.  

During my stay in the hospital last week I felt so supported & carried by all the prayers of the faithful ones around the world.  I felt “cocooned” in peace.

My recovery is a bit more complicated this time so I am praying for it to go smoothly with no infections.

“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

I’m glad Floyd and I are both in His hands! 

One of the things I find that I have to guard my heart from is looking at how things were in the previous seasons of my life - or from how things are in the lives of my friends.  I am careful to remind myself that this is the journey that God has allowed for my life - and that He has good plans and purposes for it.  He is faithful to help me on this journey, and He is continually with me whatever the journey holds.

It's important for me to find contentment for the journey I'm on.  Sarah Young says that "learning to be content is both a discipline and an art."  I can identify with that.  I must choose to look to God and trust Him.  I must look for Him in the daily events of my life.  And I must look for the "hope" He has for me in my future as Jeremiah 29:11 says.  

I am grateful this surgery is behind me - and I'm looking to what God has on the path ahead.  There is always joy in Him on the journey, no matter how hard the journey might be!

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' "

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go."  Genesis 28:15

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

"Rejoice and exult in hope; be steadfast and patient in suffering and tribulation; be constant in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"All the days of the oppressed are bad, but a cheerful heart has a continual feast."  Proverbs 15:15

"You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence."  Acts 2:28

"For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him."  2 Chronicles 16:9

There are hard things in life at times, but my heart's desire is to stay fully committed to Him - come what may!  He gives grace to do that.  He is so good, so faithful, so kind and just in all His ways.  What a treasure it is to walk with Him.  And He does strengthen my heart!

In the Shadow of His Wings

Last weekend my visit with Floyd was one of my best visits in recent times.  He was very attentive and responsive.  I read some emails of encouragement that I had gotten, and he actually cried.  I can't imagine how hard this journey must be for him.  He seems to "soak up" the affirmation and encouragement.  I keep trying to tell him how much he is loved, how his ministry continues, and how many people are praying for him.  I pray for strength and grace for his heart - and for the comfort of the Holy Spirit.  

As I prepared for surgery last week, I was caught by surprise when I woke up a couple nights in the middle of the night with anxiety.  I didn't realize that was there!

It gave me the opportunity to take my cares, my concerns, my worries to the Lord.....especially ones I didn't know about until they woke me.  I thought of the verse from Psalm 63:6:

"I lie awake thinking of You, meditating on You through the night."

As I lay in bed meditating on His goodness, His faithfulness, His love and care, His grace, His comfort......the anxieties that had come to the surface evaporated in His presence.  I was grateful to have been able to give them to Him so that I didn’t carry them with me to the surgery!

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you."  1 Peter 5:7

"Do not be anxious about anything."  Philippians 4:16

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"Because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice."  Psalm 63:7

"The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."   Joshua 1:9

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears."  Psalm 34:4

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."  Psalm 94:19

"May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way."  2 Thessalonians 3:16

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in You."  Psalm 56:3

"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you: He will never let the righteous be shaken."  Psalm 55:22

As I started looking at verses about His help when anxious, I found sooo many!  I'm so grateful for His abundant promises to help us.  I'm standing on them - speaking them out if anxiety pops its head up.

My surgery on Tuesday went well.  It was long and complicated but the surgeon is happy with the result. Now I am trying to rest and recover so that I can go home tomorrow.  I am holding onto the Lord’s promises as I battle through the pain and nausea from the surgery.  I know He will help me each step of the way, He has been so faithful and He will continue to hold my hand.

A God of Details

Floyd's week has been "steady" - no big ups or downs.  He's had some sweet visits with different ones of the carers.  One of them found out that over the Christmas season there was a 3 man brass band that came and played carols to the patients.  I hadn't heard about that.  I thought that was so special!  It reminded me of when I was a teenager and I used to go sing in the old age homes and in the hospital.  It touched me that someone was blessing Floyd in a similar way.

In recent days I have had lots of decisions to make.  It's been a bit daunting.  I've been asking the Lord for wisdom, counsel, and direction. The Lord has been reminding me, in a number of ways, of His love for me and that He is watching over me.  It has been sweet, affirming, encouraging - and has really strengthened my heart for what is ahead.

I was talking to the Lord about all this one morning and reflecting on things He had been saying to me when I went to prepare my breakfast.  As I opened a container of blackberries - right on top I found a very special one!!  I have posted the photo of it above.  It was a special unexpected little "kiss" from the Lord to my heart. :)  The Lord knows how much little things like this bless me!

One of the things the Lord has been saying to me is that He is at work in my life.  That He's mindful of every detail.  That He is doing things that I'm not aware of.  Someone sent me a quote from John Piper that affirmed that.  "God is always doing 10,000 things in your life and you may be aware of 3 of them."  Pretty amazing when you think about it - and I'm sure there's so much truth in that.

God doesn't waste any detail in our lives.  He is such an awesome creative God that He is working in every aspect of our lives at the same time.  No matter what I'm walking through - be it a good time or a hard time; be it for a day or for months, even years - He is with me.  I can relax and rest in His love and care.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28

"Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin?  And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father's will.  But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."  Matthew 10:29-31

"Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it."  Philippians 1:6

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."  James 1:5

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly.  He delights in every detail of their lives."  Psalm 37:23

When we love someone - our husband/wife, our children, our mother/father, our siblings, our friends - we care about the details of their lives.  We want to be involved in the details.  How much more then does our heavenly Father, who Himself IS love (1 John 4:8), care about us and the details of our lives?!

It gives me such a sense of security to know that the God of details is watching over my life......even bringing a special blackberry into my day. :)

My surgery has been moved back a few days to first thing Tues. morning, Jan. 29th. 

In an appointment with one of my doctors this week, he explained that there are 3 things that are essential for a person going through cancer treatment:

- that the person is involved in their own care decisions

- that the person has hope

- that the person has a good support system

I actually think those are good things for a lot of situations in life!  I was able to tick all the boxes!

He was asking if I had good support as I battle cancer.  I told him "yes!"  I have friends here and people all over the world praying for me.  What a treasure that is!  I realized how blessed I am to not be walking through this battle all alone.  I’m so grateful to all those that have faithfully stood with me in the place of prayer.  It gives me a sweet security going into this new surgery to know that I will be "covered" in prayer. 

I have moments of feeling strong and ready for this - and moments of feeling great dread that I am facing yet another surgery.  I guess that's probably normal.  It certainly keeps me close to the Lord as I call out to Him continually!

I recently heard about a mother who has gone through challenging situations with her child.  Many of the challenges have been in the public eye, so she was asked how she coped with this.

She said that she has 3 keys for how to make it through the challenges:  stay in His presence, stand on His word, and rejoice!  I think that's a winning formula for walking through trials.  God has guided me that way over and over.  I'm choosing to use those "keys" in all that I'm facing at the moment.

Staying in His presence keeps us in a safe place regardless of what we are going through.  Standing on His word reminds us of His promises to us when we go through rough times.  And rejoicing, worship, bathes us with fresh grace for the challenges.  Whenever I'm finding it hard - be it dread, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, needing wisdom, feeling weak.....whatever the situation is - as I worship Him it breaks the "hold" of any of those things that try to weigh my heart down.  Worship is so powerful!  I heard someone say, "When we worship, the invisible God is at work doing invisible and powerful things."  I've said before that I think it's one of the spiritual tools that God has placed in our hands.  We just need to make sure we use it!

Staying in His presence:

"Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord.  They rejoice in your name all day long."  Psalm 89:15,16

"For in Him we live and move and have our being."  Acts 17:28

"I have set the Lord always before me.  Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."  Psalm 16:8

Standing on His word:

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who has promised is faithful."  Hebrews 10:23

"He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.  Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion.  But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:29-31

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord.  'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.' "  Jeremiah 29:11

Rejoicing/Worship:

"Because Your love is better than life, I will praise you.  I will praise You as long as I live.  I will lift up my hands in prayer to Your name.  Because You are my helper; I sing for joy in the shadow of Your wings.  I cling to You; Your strong right hand holds me securely."  Psalm 63:3,4,7,8

"I honor You and praise You because You have done amazing things.  You have always done what you said you would do."  Isaiah 25:1 

"Shout with joy to the Lord, all the earth!  Worship the Lord with gladness.  Come before Him, singing with joy.  Acknowledge that the Lord is God!  He has made us, and we are His.  We are His people, the sheep of His pasture.  Enter His gates with thanksgiving; go into His courts with praise.  Give thanks to Him and praise His name.  For the Lord is good.  His unfailing love continues forever, and His faithfulness continues to each generation."  Psalm 100

His presence, His word, and worship to Him are definitely "keys" to get us through whatever we may face.  How awesome He is to help us along life's journey! 

Sheltered in His Wings

Floyd had a special visit this past weekend.  Some years ago he was instrumental in sending a team to work in the middle east.  This team had a reunion in Cape Town, and went to visit Floyd.  They shared testimonies, and thanked Floyd for his impact in their lives.  Floyd was very moved by their visit, and didn't want them to leave.  It was such a sweet time for him - and them.  I'm sure it encouraged his heart.

There often seems so little that we can do for Floyd - love him, encourage him, and pray for him.  I’m so grateful for all those who steadfastly keep praying for him over this long journey.  I tell him every time I see him that many people around the world are praying for him each day.

I have had some medical appointments this week and they have gone well.  The news was encouraging.  It looks like the new tumor is "contained" - which is about the best news I could get!  It is operable, and the consensus is to "get it out."  So that's the plan.  I'm booked for surgery on Fri., Jan. 25.  This will be my 6th surgery since the cancer journey began.  I'm not looking forward to it, but it does seem like good news to be able to do this.

I've had lots of encouraging, kind words from friends all over the world.  I once heard that "kind words are a gift of healing."  All the sweet words I have received have been a lovely healing to my heart.  I feel wrapped in their warmth.  I’m so grateful for each one.

A few weeks ago someone shared the photo above of the mother duck.  It has kept coming to my mind as I've been walking through these days.  I think it's how I feel.  I feel covered, carried, and wrapped up in the Lord's safe care - and with all the prayers and encouragements I receive.  It's such a special photo.  Every time it comes to mind it brings a feeling of safety.

"He will cover you with His feathers.  He will shelter you with His wings.  His faithful promises are your armor and protection."  Psalm 91:4

"Keep me as the apple of the eye; hide me in the shadow of Your wings."  Psalm 17:8

"How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God!  And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Your wings."  Psalm 36:7

"Be gracious to me, O God, be gracious to me, for my soul takes refuge in You; And in the shadow of Your wings I will take refuge until destruction passes by."  Psalm 57:1

"For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy."  Psalm 63:7

His sweet presence has been with me each day, and I have felt covered with His love and goodness.  

This week was our "At Home" week here in All Nations Cape Town when we begin the year together.  I shared with our staff on Monday morning about how faithful God has been to me on our unexpected journey!  He has met me at every point along the way with His goodness.

There's a scene in the movie "The Shack" where Mack (the father who's daughter was killed) is talking to the God figure.  He asks "where were you when I needed you?"  God answers "when all you see is your pain, you lose sight of me."

I've thought about this scene a lot.  In fact, I re-watched the movie this past weekend.  When we're in pain, when we're hurting, when our very being is crying out to God and it seems we aren't getting the answers or help we need - it can be so tempting to think God isn't there, that He isn't with us.  The enemy would love for us to think this.

But the truth is that we often are so focused on the pain that we miss God's presence.  He's right with us - "closer than the air we breath" - and yet our pain overshadows the very thing, the very person we need.

There have been times on this journey when my pain, my hurt, my sense of loss has been so profound that I have felt very alone.  I've had to catch myself immediately and not let my heart, thoughts, and emotions stay in that aloneness.  I have to immediately declare the truth of God's word that He is with me.  He never leaves me.  He never abandons me.  He even carries me if I'm too weak to keep going.  He clings to my right hand.  He doesn't even take one second off.  He is completely faithful and always, always, always with me.

Being "on guard" in this way has been a protection to me.  And it has kept me tucked in close to the Father's heart where I need to be. 

"Be strong and courageous.....for it is the Lord your God who goes with you.  He will not leave you or forsake you."  Deuteronomy 31:6

"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

I love how God reminds us of the same thing over and over - to emphasize the point that He is ALWAYS with us!!

"So we can confidently say, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not fear.' "  Hebrews 13:6

"You hold my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel."  Psalm 73:23

Watching that scene in the movie, I've asked the Lord to protect my heart when I'm in pain from losing sight of Him!!  I don't want to miss out on the wonderful gift of His constant presence!

Beauty from Trials

I haven’t posted anything for a while with all the business over the holiday season.  Happy New Year!  I pray that this will be a year of abundant blessing for you.  May your walk with the Lord grow more deeply intimate in sweet fellowship

I had a PET scan in December and the results were not what I was hoping and praying for.  The cancer has returned.  It's amazing that I can be feeling so good, looking good, and even my blood work showing health.....and yet there is cancer growing in my body.  It was a bit of a surprise.

I was so grateful that before I got this news, the Lord had been speaking to me about my thoughts and what to focus on.  

He directed my attention to a well known verse from Philippians 4:8 - "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

I've always loved that verse.  I've taught on it in fact.  But it has taken on a fresh, new significance for me.  The truth in it is not only good - it's powerful.  We have a "spiritual tool" at our disposal through our thought life.

We are surrounded with negative messages filled with tragedy, pain, sorrow, disappointment, lies, ugliness, and myriads of hurt.  Our mind is bombarded with messages of doom and gloom.  And that's not even considering things that are happening to us personally!

If we let our thoughts follow this process, we will be overwhelmed with heaviness.  It is vital to stay focused on the list from Philippians 4!  If I think upon those things - then my heart immediately wants to thank the Lord for them.  Worship begins to well up in my heart.  The whole "atmosphere" of my mind is transformed.  I find it can turn a hard day around to being a good day if I think upon who God is and His goodness to me.

On the hard days, I work at making a conscious, continual effort to "think on what is true...."

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  Romans 12:2

"We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  2 Corinthians 10:5

"As someone thinks within himself, so he is."  Proverbs 23:7

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."  Colossians 3:2

"Therefore.....fix your thoughts on Jesus."  Hebrews 3:1

"The Message" version of the Philippians 4:8 verse:  "Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse."

The secular world realizes the power of our thoughts - there are so many books and articles written on this topic.  But God was way ahead of them.  He instructed us what to think on - knowing it would bring health and life to us if we think upon what is good......and turn it into worshipping Him.  I'm finding the beauty and the strength that comes from doing that.  Once again - God is such a faithful teacher!

He was so kind to speak this truth to my heart just as I needed it!  It's very easy to be overwhelmed and discouraged by this news.  I need to "take my thoughts captive," and go to Jesus with this news.  

This recent Christmas was the 3rd Christmas since Floyd got sick.  I was surprised and caught off guard when a wave of sadness hit me on Christmas day. I thought it would get easier as time went by - but it felt like I'd been hit by a new massive wave.  I think it's all part of the "journey" I'm walking on - and I'm very tired.  That probably makes me more vulnerable.  I've been talking a lot to the Lord.  As always "His consolations cheer my soul."  (Psalm 94:19)

I've been reminded in recent days of the oyster.  Pearls are formed when particles of sand get stuck inside the oyster shell.  That irritant works in wondrous ways to produce beautiful pearls.  The longer the irritant is there - the more beautiful and valuable the pearl becomes.  There's a direct correlation between the the length of time of the "irritant" and the beauty of what is produced. 

I keep reminding myself that the trials on this unexpected journey are producing good things in my life.  I may not see them - but God is using the sufferings I'm walking through to mold and shape me in His ways.  Actually, I can see some of the things He's doing......but mostly I just have to keep my eyes on Him and trust Him.

I've lived long enough to learn that it's not so important what comes our way - but how we respond to those things!  Our responses can make or break us.  I'm keenly aware that I can't make it on my own, but as I turn to Him - He gives the needed grace and strength.  I don't want the trials to defeat me!  I want to dig deep into new levels of His strength.  I've seen that each experience, each trial I walk through - as I lean into His strength and grow through it......it prepares me for what's ahead.

With His help, if I'm faithful to persevere in each crisis - faithful to persevere in the long haul.....it will force me to stay tucked in close to Him so that I must rely on Him completely.  He is truly strong in my weakness.  I know I can't make it alone, but I also know He is absolutely faithful!!

I heard one time that hope begins when you stand in the dark looking out at the light.  When the wave of sadness washed over my heart and emotions - I looked to Him who is THE light!!  He brought the warmth of His sunshine to my soul.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."  John 1:5

"The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom what I be afraid?  Psalm 27:1

"Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path."  Psalm 119:105

There are times on this journey when I feel like I have dug SO deep into God's reserves of help and strength that I must be reaching the bottom.  And then something new comes along.  As I keep digging, I find His resources are never-ending.  There is always deeper still to go in His grace, help, and strength.  How very, very faithful He is!!

I spent time with Floyd on new year's morning.  I wanted to pray and commit the year ahead to the Lord.  Floyd was quite sleepy - I teased him about falling asleep while I talked.  He is looking better and seems to be gaining some fresh strength.  It was a sweet time with him.  I continue to ask the Lord to bring the "breakthrough" that He spoke to Floyd about before he got sick - whatever that might be.  I'm asking that this will be a year of breakthrough, for both of us.

God often speaks to me through the simple, every day things of life.  I love that!  While I was taking the ornaments off our Christmas tree and packing all the decorations away,  the strands of tree lights got hopelessly tangled!  They were a giant mess.  I was trying to untangle them, but it just seemed to get worse.  I was very frustrated.  Honestly, I was tempted to just throw them all away and start over again next year......but I'm too practical to be wasteful. :)  

I finally put everything else away, and then sat down to work on the lights.  Bulb by bulb, one-at-time I began to try and figure out how to untangle them.  It took a while, but I finally succeeded.

And then, to my surprise, I started crying - because I could sense the Lord speaking to my heart!  Right now when I look at our lives and all that is happening.....and especially in facing all the questions regarding the cancer returning.....it just seems like a big tangled mess!  All I can see is questions and problems.  But I knew in that moment that the Lord was speaking to my heart -  just as I was able to untangle the strands of lights as I worked on them one bulb at a time......He will help me figure things out.....one problem and one question at a time.  

In a strange way I felt like I was on holy ground because I could sense the Lord speaking so clearly and powerfully to my heart.  All I could do was weep in gratitude, and worship Him for His faithfulness.  It was a special, very unexpected "kiss" to my heart from the Father.  It gave me fresh courage to face the days ahead in this new year.

Someone sent me a quote from Bill Johnson of Bethel in Redding, Calif. - “If your answer to prayer is delayed, it is gaining interest.  And when breakthrough comes, it will come with greater power and glory than if it had been released at the moment you first prayed.”

I have prayed many prayers about Floyd, about the cancer that has attacked my body, and about things that are impacting our family and the All Nations ministry.  As I've shared about these things, many people have joined with me in praying.  Many, many, many prayers have been lifted to heaven.  It seems like we haven't seen answers......and I haven't sensed that we've had the breakthrough that God spoke to Floyd about.

The quote from Bill Johnson has brought a fresh sense of perseverance to my heart and to my prayers.  I don't know what the answers will be.  I don't know what the breakthrough will be.  But I'm going to keep praying!  

There is often opposition before breakthroughs come - so I don't want to lose heart.  I want to keep pressing in in the place of prayer.  I'm sure you each have personal requests that you want to lift heavenward too.  May God bring releases for all of us this year.

"Those with open hearts are given insight into your plans."  Psalm 119:130 TPT

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.' "  Isaiah 30:21

"I will instruct you and teach you int he way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you."  Psalm 32:8

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously."  James 1:5

"He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way."  Psalm 25:9

I'm trusting God to see answers and breakthroughs in 2019!  It's a fresh new beginning.