My Constant Refuge

We recently came across a series of 3 minute podcasts, 29 of them, that Floyd had done a number of years ago.  Each one is a mini-sermon!  They are so rich and good.  They are posted under resources on our website.

We seem to keep finding these little treasures.  It's really exciting.  They've been hidden away.  We are collecting articles, tapes, videos, CDs - anything by Floyd.  They are being archived on the Founder's Page on the All Nations International website.  Many have been helping us on this treasure hunt!

We've been lifting a prayer request to the Lord, and saw an answer in recent days.  My daughter and granddaughter sang a prayer of thanks to the Lord for answering our prayer and sent it to me.  "Bless the Lord O my soul - for you have done great things!"  God is so faithful.  Almost every day I seem to be lifting something to the Lord.  He continually does great things.  I bless Him and I'm so grateful.

The source of God's help in our lives is unending!  There is never an end to His being able to meet us and help us.  The well of His provision never runs dry.  The power of His strength to help us never gets weak.  Whatever the need, whatever the situation - He is there in His might to help us.

This week as I was lifting a need to the Lord, I heard His encouragement that He never tires of my bringing needs to Him.  My dependence on Him keeps my heart continually linked to His heart of love for me.  Nothing in my life is "apart" from Him.  The very breath I breathe is linked to Him.  He delights in my bringing my details to Him to seek His help and wisdom.  And I couldn't make it without His involvement in every detail of my life!

"The Lord your God is with you, the mighty warrior who saves.  He will take great delight in you;  in His love He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."  Zephaniah 3:17

"My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:19

"Jesus looked at them and said to them, 'With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' "  Matthew 19:26

I couldn't have made it on our long unexpected journey without God's help - and I can't make it as I continue my journey without Him.  

I'm especially grateful for his daily help and presence as I deal with the first year of "firsts" after losing Floyd.  Everyone tells me that the first year is the hardest.  I've already had Father's Day and our anniversary - now this week was Floyd's birthday.  We always celebrated our birthdays, and made them special for each member of our family.  Even while Floyd was in the hospital, I always went to celebrate with him.  I sang, took a balloon to put where he could see it, and sometimes made special posters to hang in his room.  It felt strange to not do something with him on his birthday this week.  It  was a rather tender day.

On the other hand – it was his first birthday in heaven!!  I wonder if they celebrate in heaven??  Wouldn't it be fun to know.  Maybe he's with all of our family that have gone on before.  Or maybe they're so busy worshiping Jesus that they don't even think about it.

So many things remind me of Floyd.  We've had an unusually cold, wet winter this year - record breaking cold!  On the inland mountains they've had LOTS of snow.....not just a dusting of snow, but inches/centimeters deep.  Someone sent me a photo of some of the snowy mountains - with a giraffe in the valley below.  I’ve used it at the top of this post.  That's Africa - a continent of unusual contrasts.  I loved the photo because giraffes have always reminded me of Floyd.  :)  It made me smile.

I'm finding that God's sweet comfort is there for each new thing I'm facing.  It's different now, of course, but God's faithfulness is just as sufficient for each need I'm facing in this new season.  He is so good!

As I continue my journey, I'm so grateful that I'm not alone.  

" 'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you."  Isaiah 54:10

"By day the Lord directs His love, at night His song is with me."  Psalm 42:8

"God is our refuge and strength."  Psalm 46:1

Whatever I face, I'm so grateful that God is with me.  He's my constant refuge.  I thank Him for that every morning when I wake up.

I'm Thankful

My heart was quite tender in the days leading up to the Celebration of Life.  A very emotional time for me.  I asked the Lord how to position my heart in preparation for it.  He sweetly reminded me of what He's spoken to me all along our unexpected journey - I need to be thankful!  Being thankful, entering into praise and worship, is where I find strength for whatever I face.

So I did that.  I spoke out my thankfulness to the Lord in the midst of a tender week.  I'd like to share a few of the things I'm thankful for.

·      I'm thankful for 54 years of married life with Floyd.

·      I'm thankful that Floyd was my best friend, and the love of my life!

·      I'm thankful that God led our lives together when we were very young so that we could experience so much of life together.

·      I'm thankful for all the unique adventures we had in Afghanistan, Amsterdam, America, and Africa.

·      I'm thankful for God's faithful provision to us over all the years.  There were times when we hardly had a nickel (or rand) to our name, but God always took care of us.

·      I'm thankful for the Godly heritage and examples we had from Floyd's parents and my mom.

·      I'm thankful for the firm foundations built into our lives in our years in Youth With A Mission.

·      I'm thankful for our daughter, Misha; our son, Matthew; and our grandchildren, Kezia and Luke.  They bring such joy to me.

·      I'm thankful for our whole family.  They have been beside me on our unexpected journey.

·      I'm thankful for my sweet friends who have helped carry me on this journey.

·      I'm thankful for the All Nations family who have loved us, prayed for us, and have now honored my dear husband.

·      I'm thankful for God's grace, strength, wisdom, guidance, and provision every single day of our unexpected journey.  He has been SO faithful!

·      I'm thankful for healing miracles along the way.

·      I'm thankful to be alive!

·      I'm thankful for all God taught me on our unexpected journey.  He didn't "waste" a single minute of it!

·      I'm thankful for the home God provided for us here in South Africa.  I have a haven in this tender time.

·      I'm thankful that God is gently carrying me in this time of grief.

·      I'm thankful that we can remember, celebrate, and honor my "gentle giant."

I could keep going for pages and pages.  I have so much to be thankful for!  As I positioned my heart to be thankful, the Holy Spirit poured a healing balm into my tender heart.  With every tear that falls - a prayer of thankfulness is also poured out.  God has been so good to me!

"Give thanks in all circumstances."  1 Thessalonians 5:18

"I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."  Psalm 9:1

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever."  Psalm 106:1

"Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise - the fruit of lips that openly profess His name."  Hebrews 13:15

The Celebration was beautiful!  I was so touched by the love, honor, and tributes for Floyd.  They meant a lot to me and our family.  I just wished Floyd could have heard them all.  He would have been so blessed.  Who knows? - maybe he could hear them.  I don't know how it works between here and heaven. :)

Many of the worship songs during the Celebration were ones that Floyd loved - including the opening one...."Jesus loves me this I know."  Floyd often led out in that when he spoke.

Our family watched it together, and chatted by FaceTime about it.  I wish we could have been together for it.  My son and I were in Cape Town; my daughter and granddaughter in the US; and my grandson in New Zealand.

I have to say that it felt very surreal.  Here I was sitting in the home we renovated to "grow old" in.....sitting on our couch.....and watching a memorial for my husband half a world away on our TV.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought of a scenario like this a few years back.  I pinched myself to make sure it was real.

I cried buckets of tears, but they were sweet ones.  I was so very blessed by all the expressions of love.  The Celebration was a beautiful combination of honoring Floyd, worshipping Jesus, and being challenged to "finish the race of reaching the least, the last, and the lost."  Quite a few have told me they made fresh commitments to that challenge.  That's what Floyd would have wanted to happen at his memorial service!

Although my heart continues to be tender, and I have tears at unexpected times all through the day - the Celebration helped bring a measure of closure.  I'm grateful for that - I needed it.  Even though I've grieved for 5 years, I think, in some ways, I held a lot in because I still needed to care for Floyd and I was battling my own sickness.  Also, God kept encouraging me to ask for miracles (while I told Him I trusted His wisdom)......so I didn't want to grieve fully losing him yet.  Once it was final, the grief hit my heart full force.  The Celebration helped bring some healing to my heart.

A number of people included me in their tributes.  That meant so much to me and to my family.   Floyd and I always worked so closely together.  Without him, I feel like a part of me has been cut off.....something is missing.  It was very thoughtful of the different ones to recognize and honor that.  It blessed me.

There was a short video tribute to Floyd.  Included in it is a clip from a 1973 CBS television interview in Kabul.  I had never seen it until after Floyd passed away.  It was fun to see him in his younger years! 

"Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other."  Romans 12:10

I’m so thankful to everyone who was there in person or online to honor my dear husband!  It meant the world to me.

God is with Me

During the years that Floyd was sick and I was battling cancer, I faced some pretty big challenges......and I saw some amazing answers to prayer.  There were some big miracles - and some smaller ones, but all of them were sweet answers to prayers lifted to the Lord.

Last week I faced two big challenges.  The ramifications of one was daunting, and the challenge of the second seemed pretty impossible.  I called out to the Lord for help.  I have to confess though that my faith was wobbling.  I wondered if/and how God would be able to help me in these two unusual situations.  I asked some friends to pray, and two friends jumped in to help me - one in the US, and one here in South Africa.

The first challenge with the daunting ramifications was resolved before long - but the second one.......well, we couldn't even find a way to contact the necessary office.  Every phone call and email was a dead end.  And then miraculously, yes miraculously! someone called us.  The person had gone on a search to find our phone number.  She remembered a brief contact with Floyd and me from about 10 years ago.  She has dealt with thousands of people since then, but she remembered us.  Unbelievable!  And she offered to solve the situation.  

Within ONE day the two big challenges were resolved.  It was truly a miracle!  I was overwhelmed with God's goodness and faithfulness - and what a boost it was to my faith that God is with me as I journey on alone.  I can't even begin to explain how encouraging this was to me.  I think my heart just needed the encouragement.

Later in the day I was talking and praying with someone else who is facing some pretty big challenges.  She shared with me a testimony.  Two families were getting ready to go to Disneyland on vacation. Everyone was so excited.  They had rented a car to go together.  But when they were getting ready to leave - the car wouldn't start.  It was very discouraging.  As they pondered what to do, one of the dads felt they should all put their luggage in the car.  It seemed strange because they might have to move it to another car if this one wasn't working.  But he felt strongly, so they loaded the car - and then, amazingly, the car started up just fine.  They went on their way to Disneyland!

I've been thinking about this testimony.  Often times we face challenges - just like I have this week.  While we call out to God and say "help!" it's also so important for us to do our part - whatever that might be.  For those families, it was putting their luggage in the car to get ready to leave.  For my situation, it was making endless calls and sending lots of emails - even when none were getting through.  God was working behind the scenes, and He put on that lady's heart to reach out to us!

"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God: He is the faithful God."  Deuteronomy 7:9

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22,23

"Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies."  Psalm 36:5

"Who is like you, Lord God almighty?  You, Lord, are mighty, and your faithfulness surrounds you."  Psalm 89:8

"Your faithfulness continues through all generations; you established the earth, and it endures."  Psalm 119:90 

I'm so grateful that God is by my side as I journey on into the future.  He is amazingly good and faithful - working miracles on our behalf.

As I have thought about how thankful I am that He is by my side, I feel even more grateful this week as we have prepared for Floyd’s Celebration of Life.

From day 1 when Floyd got sick, I felt some specific instructions from the Lord:

·      keep my eyes continually on the Lord, not on circumstances

·      keep a heart of trust in the Lord regardless of what came my way

·      pray, pray, pray

As days became weeks, I felt more instruction came to me:

·      pace myself, this wasn't going to be a quick turnaround

·      keep hope alive in my heart

·      as a statement of faith, keep things just as they were in our home when Floyd became sick

I kept his wedding ring where he placed it on our bathroom counter.  I kept his Bible and reading material on the chest in our living room.  I kept things in our home just as they were when he got sick.  The only thing I changed was to get rid of the dog bed when his dog, Sossy, went to doggy heaven in Oct. 2018.

As weeks became months, I felt I was to continually check in with the Lord as to how to pray.  I did that almost daily.

And as months became years, I felt the Lord say to me that I had His blessing to keep asking for, believing for miracles - but that I should leave the choice up to Him.  I prayed for "healing or heaven."  I asked the Lord for a healing miracle, but I told Him I trusted Him with whatever He chose.

As we all know, God chose heaven.....and now Floyd is healed too.  He got both.  People continually ask me questions about what this journey was all about.  I have a few inklings of understanding, and yet I honestly don't think I'll fully understand this side of heaven.  But - I trust!  I trust God's wisdom and I trust how He led me on the journey.

It's been a journey unlike anything I could have ever dreamed of.  It's a journey I would have rather not gone on - and yet it's a journey I wouldn't trade for anything because of all the good that has come from it.....most especially the closeness and intimacy with the Lord.  He has been with me every hour, every minute, every second of the journey.  I am so grateful!

After 5 years, 3 months, and 6 days - I moved Floyd's wedding ring to a small container in his drawer where he kept some special things.  The "unexpected journey" was over.  Floyd was with Jesus!  God chose heaven.

I miss Floyd now more than I thought possible - especially since I'd already missed him for over 5 years.  My heart has been especially tender this week with the Celebration of Life gathering happening tomorrow.  I'm glad we can celebrate his life, and I think it will help bring closure in some ways. 

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His faithful servants."  Psalm 116:15

"Then I heard a voice from heaven say, 'Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.' 'Yes,' says the Spirit, 'they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them.' " Revelation 14:13

I am so grateful for the Lord’s comfort and faithfulness to me.  And for the wonderful people He has placed around me to lift us up in prayer.  

What Does God Look Like?

I shared a quote in my last post - "Grief is our receipt of having loved well."  Afterwards someone sent me the full quote.  It's even more beautiful.  I wanted to pass it on.

"Grief is love's souvenir.  It's our proof that we once loved.  Grief is the receipt we wave in the air that says to the world: 'Look!  Love was once mine.  I loved well.  Here is my proof that I paid the price.' " 

I'm glad to have loved well.  My 54 years with Floyd are a treasure that I will always hold close to my heart.  I was doing a short video this week for the Celebration of Life memorial coming up on July 24 in Kansas City.  Sharing about Floyd made me so grateful for the life we had together.  God has been so good to us!

I've been listening to a rendition of "Amazing Grace" being sung in 50 countries all over the world and I think this is what heaven will be like!  All of us worshipping the Lord together.  Floyd is experiencing this now.  He's with his parents, with my parents, and with many friends who have gone before us.  What a great day of rejoicing it will be when all tribes and tongues can stand together and worship the Lord.  We have so much to thank Him for.

"Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved."  Acts 4:12

"And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."  Acts 2:21

"Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."  Psalm 62:8

His amazing grace is firm and secure - even though everything around us is being shaken.  God is our sure stronghold!  He's our Rock!

Someone reminded me this week of a message Floyd gave at the Simply Jesus gathering in 2015 on "What Does God Look Like?"  I've listened to it several times.  It's lovely to hear Floyd's voice, of course, and I've been blessed by the message.  You can listen to the message under the ‘Resources’ section on our website.

Our grandchildren loved their Granpa.....and he loved them so much.  They were close, and they've been missing him.  I'm sad that they won't have more time together.  We've been savoring all our photos and memories.  Floyd's message is about when our daughter asked him what God looked like when she was a young girl.  It was part of the journey of her relationship with God.  I've been praying for my grandkids now to discover what God looks like in their lives, and to have a wonderful revelation of His love and care for them.  And I'm praying for their hearts as they miss their Granpa.

One of my all time favorite photos is one of Granpa and grandson walking together.  I share it above.  It's so special.  They look like a tall and short version of each other.

In these days when my heart is tender, I've been reflecting on what God looks like to me too.  His comfort and His presence have been so real, so close, so tangible.  I have sensed Him carrying me in ways only He can through this time of loss.  At this particular time, God looks like a loving Father, wrapping His arms around me, holding me close, wiping away the tears, and telling me I'm going to make it through all this.  He is so good.

"God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all."  I John 1:5

"Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives......You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy."  Micah 7:18,19

"For who is God besides the Lord?  And who is the Rock except our God?  It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; He causes me to stand on the heights."  2 Samuel 22:32-34

My prayer today is for each of us to have a fresh understanding of what God looks like in our lives.  He is our Rock, our Refuge, our Strength, our Sufficiency, our Helper.  He is so faithful to us!

The Lord is By My Side

We've had a cold, rainy week here in Cape Town.  The cold tends to sap my energy, but I've been plugging along dealing with things.  My plate has been full.  It's been an intense week for me.  There have been a number of things I've been lifting to the Lord.

One day in my quiet time this verse spoke to me:

"This also comes from the Lord of hosts, who is wonderful in counsel and excellent in guidance."  Isaiah 28:29

As I read that verse - "wonderful in counsel, excellent in guidance" -  I was so comforted that the Lord is my counselor and He is guiding me.  I prayed that out to the Lord, and could almost physically feel the weights lifting from me.  I am so grateful that the Lord is by my side.  I truly couldn't make it without Him!  

I could never have survived the last 5 years on our unexpected journey without Him counseling and guiding me.  So, so many decisions I've had to make on Floyd's behalf.  Big decisions!  Decisions I would have never dreamed I would face.  And God has helped me with each one.  Oh how grateful I am!  He is my counselor and guide.

I came across a phrase in a book this week, too, that was helpful.  A lady mentioned that God doesn't worry, so when she prays - she prays solutions rather than problems.  I liked that!  When we pray we can pray what the outcome is that we need, and ask the Lord to show us how to get there.  It changes the focus.

I so believe in the power of prayer!  My mom and Floyd's parents were all wonderful intercessors.  Their examples impacted our lives.  We have leaned into prayer all the 54 years of our life together......and we've seen so, so many answers to prayer.  We have experienced God being our counselor and guide time and time again.

"With your counsel you will guide me."  Psalm 73:24

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you."  Psalm 32:8

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying 'This is the way; walk in it.' "  Isaiah 30:21

"The Lord will guide you always."  Isaiah 58:11

I've been listening to and singing a song this week - "God will make a way, when there seems to be no way.  He works in ways we cannot see. He will make a way for me."  I'm so grateful that God counsels us, guides us, and makes a way for us when we face the challenges of life.  He has been so faithful to me!

Having grieved for my gentle giant for over 5 years, I was caught off guard by the profoundness of the final grief.  I have found that it comes in waves - often triggered by the smallest, simplest things.  The waves wash over me with gentle, sweet memories reminding me of treasures from our 54 years.

At first I didn't want the waves to come because I would find myself crying a lot.  It was rather draining.  But every time the wave came, I'd stop and talk to the Lord as I cried.  I began to see that each wave of grief was bringing healing.  I realized I needed to flow with the wave rather than resisting it.

Someone said to me that "grief is our receipt of having loved well."  I like that!  The reason I'm grieving is because I've lost something valuable.  It changed my perspective.  I could appreciate the grief rather than trying to stop it.

And the grieving process does indeed bring healing!  If I bottle up my grief, I won't receive the healing that my heart needs.  I know it will take some time, but I'm embracing the grieving, healing process - and allowing the Lord to minister His grace into each wave that comes my way.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."  Matthew 5:4

"Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows."  Isaiah 53:4

"Jesus wept."  John 11:35

I’m so grateful that the Lord is my guide and wonderful counselor as I walk through the grieving and healing process too.  

Don't Forget to Remember

Before we go through hard times, we wonder how we'll do when they hit. This week marks 7 years since I was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  The original diagnosis was somewhat shocking as there were no symptoms.  When I realized I would need surgery and chemo, I wondered if I'd make it through all that.  You hear so many horror stories about chemo.  Then after the shock of the diagnosis, the journey itself has been somewhat shocking because of the severity of treatment.  I've had 8 surgeries, 4 types of chemo treatment - along with various "natural" treatments, and twice I almost got to heaven before Floyd.

Having said all that, my doctors say it's somewhat of a miracle that I'm still alive.  I agree!  God has wonderfully, miraculously kept me living.  I am so very grateful for that.  And, as I mentioned recently, the journey continues.  I still need prayer.  I still need people to "hold the ropes" for me.  I'm praying, and my grandkids are praying, that I'll still be around for many more years.

When I look back on all this, all I can think of is how wonderfully good and faithful the Lord has been to me.  While going through all the treatment, I was also caring for Floyd.  Honestly, I don't know how I made it - except for God's grace, our family, and lots of good friends walking with me.  God has been amazing!  When the Bible says His grace is "sufficient" for every need - it's really true!!

I read about a lady who was going to take her car through an automatic car wash.  She'd never done it before, and she was nervous.  As her car got on the conveyor belt, it was pelted with water, shampoo, brushes coming from everywhere......and she began to wonder if her car would get stuck in the midst of that.....or if she'd make it through.  Then suddenly the car was dried from blowers - and she was out the other side with a clean car.

It's a great example of going through the trials of life.  We get into situations that move us along.  All kinds of things "pelt" us.  We feel bombarded from every angle.  But with God's help, we make it through to the other side.  Sometimes it looks different when we get through the trials.  We may not get the exact answers we hoped for.  But we will get through it!  With God holding our hand and walking by our side, we'll make it.

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."  Isaiah 43:1-3

I have claimed the promise of that verse repeatedly the last 7years!  God has been faithful to get me through the waters, the rivers, and the fires.

After I wrote about the prayers of the believers "holding the ropes” for me a few weeks ago, one friend said she had an impression that many ropes had joined together and formed a swing.....for me to relax on and swing in peace.  I loved that visual image.  I need to rest, and I need peace.  I'm picturing myself swinging on those joined ropes!  Grateful for those holding the ropes!

One of Floyd's favorite songs was the children's chorus "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so."  He said it was simple, but profound theology.  It was not uncommon for him to lead out in it when he spoke.  I watched a video clip this week of when our friends Loren and Darlene Cunningham visited Floyd in the hospital a few years ago.  We sang this song together for Floyd because he loved it so much.

Someone sent me another children's song recently - "Don't Forget to Remember" by Ellie Holcomb.  I love it!  I've played it a number of times.  It expresses another profound truth - how important it is to remember God's goodness.  

Through the years of our unexpected journey - when I've hit a hard spot, when I faced a difficult day, when my heart was heavy, or when my faith was lagging - I would sit and "remember."  I would remember the many answers to prayer we've seen.  I'd remember how God had met us time and time again.  I would remember the abundant promises of God's goodness and faithfulness in the Word.  Unfailingly, as I "remembered" my heart was strengthened, my faith was boosted, and the difficult day seemed easier.  "Remembering" is a gift from the Lord to our hearts!!

Over and over in the Word we're told to remember, to not forget.  God knew how much remembering would help us!

The "Celebration of Life" memorial service for Floyd is coming up.  We want to remember God's goodness to Floyd and our family during his 75 years.  

"Remember this day in which you went out from Egypt, from the house of slavery; for by a powerful hand the Lord brought you from this place."  Exodus 13:3

"You shall remember all the ways which the Lord your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years."  Deuteronomy 8:2

"I remembered the word of the Lord."  Acts 11:16

"Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God."  Deuteronomy 8:11

I must be careful that I don't "forget to remember" all the ways God in His faithfulness has met me time and time again.  He is so good!

Step Up to the Plate

My days have changed - but in some ways not changed.  Instead of dealing with all the details of Floyd's care, I am now dealing with all the details of his passing.  So my life still seems full of things having to do with Floyd!  He's never far from my thoughts.

A line in a book I was reading recently jumped off the page to me.  "Sometimes things happen that you never expected, and all you can do is step up to the plate."  Wow - that resonated in my heart and mind!

A little over 5 years ago while I was still battling cancer, the unexpected hit big time with Floyd's illness.  Overnight everything in our lives was turned upside down, and our "unexpected journey" began.  I began to write prayer letters that turned into prayer updates because I knew we couldn't go it alone.  We needed prayer - lots and lots of prayer.

What I called my "roller coaster" proceeded day by day.  There were so many ups and downs that I couldn't keep up with them.  I've never liked roller coasters, and here I was on an endless one.  Going back to that line above - I guess I "stepped up," but really there wasn't any other option.  If I'm honest, I didn't want to step up!  It was hard to step up.  But I needed to care for Floyd, and I had to continue fighting cancer.  

Thankfully I wasn't alone.  God was holding my hand, staying right by my side, and undergirding me each step of the way.  Family and friends were helping in every way they could.  And so many dear ones were praying!

I am so grateful that I was carried by all of this on our journey. 

When the unexpected hits, we may feel inadequate to "step up to the plate."  I know I sure did!  But, as I said, there usually isn't any other option.  Thankfully we aren't stepping up alone.  His grace WILL be sufficient for our every need as we walk into that unknown journey.  He holds our right hand as we walk the new path.

There will ALWAYS be "things we never expected" in our lives.  We can't avoid them - it's part of life.  But I guess one of the key things I've learned on our unexpected journey is that God isn't surprised by the unexpected, and He won't abandon us as we walk through those things.  In fact, quite the opposite.  He helps us get through them - and He brings good out of them in His own unique way.  Only our wonderful God can do that.

My prayer is that each of us will press into His abundant grace when we have to "step up to the plate."  He will meet us with everything we need!

"My God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:19

"God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work."  2 Corinthians 9:8

"I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29:11

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."  Psalm 23:1

In the midst of the unexpected things of life, I'm so grateful that God still has plans to give us a future and a hope.  I don't know what my future holds, but God has kept hope alive in my heart.  He is so good and faithful!

This past Sunday was Father's Day.  It was our first one without Floyd.  Over the past 5+ years as Floyd has been sick, I have tried to still "celebrate" special days with him - a visit, a flower, a balloon, a song, a poster for his wall - whatever I could do to make it special.  

So on this first Father's Day without him, my daughter, my son, and I decided to have a FaceTime call together.  We laughed, told stories, I cried a few times, and we watched the sunset together.  We were amazed when we ended the call that we had been talking for over 2 hours.  It was a special way to honor Floyd.  

Someone sent me a message of Floyd speaking on "The Father Heart of God" from 1987.  I listened to it in honor of him too.  He begins with some humor.  It was so nice to hear his voice, and especially to hear his laugh.  My heart was warmed as I listened to him speaking about the Father and realizing he's now with Him!  I basked in the Father's love afresh as Floyd talked about how much He loves us.  You can listen to the message on the resources page on our website.

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!"  1 John 3:1

"Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then.....know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!"  Matthew 7:11,12

"Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."  Matthew 6:8

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him."  Psalm 103:13

I am leaning into God's lavish love, trusting that He knows my needs, and receiving of His compassion on my days.  He is so good and faithful!  I couldn't make it without my wonderful Father. 

Holding the Ropes

I was watching the memorial tribute for Floyd by YWAM Amsterdam this past week, someone remarked that it was 50 years ago that we first started the house in Kabul, Afghanistan for the hippies/world travelers.  I hadn't counted up the years!  It was a long time ago, but the memories are fresh.  I'm so grateful for all the adventures we had.

Another wonderful tribute I watched was by Living Hope Church in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.  Bob Leach pastored the church for many years - his son, Jason, is now the lead pastor.  They dedicated the Sunday service on May 30 to Floyd.  Bob shared his testimony of coming to Jesus in the house in Kabul.  It was powerful and moving.  He and Jason both shared lessons learned from Floyd.  Then they showed a clip from a 1973 interview with Floyd in Kabul that was done by CBS television.  I've never seen it!  It was fun to see and hear Floyd from all those years ago. 

All the comments, tributes, etc. that I have received and watched are so special.

Some of you may have seen in the news the story of a young woman who was recently on a TV talent show.  She sang a song she'd written that was about her journey with very serious cancer.  The song is called "It's Okay."  She shared that she only has a 2% chance of survival, but that that's better than zero percent.  She had such a wonderful, glowing outlook on the trial she's been through.  One of her final statements really touched me - "You can't wait until life isn't hard to be happy!"

I have been thinking a lot about that statement.  I realized that in the midst of our 5+ unexpected journey years......it's been very hard.....and yet, by God's grace, there has been happiness too.  The love and support of our family, the care from dear friends, the beauty around me, the prayers of so many around the world, the sense of being carried by the Lord - so many things have brought happiness and joy.  I'm so grateful for that!  I think when we walk with the Lord, He'll always bring His joy, His peace, and His happiness into the hardest trial.  He is so good, kind, and faithful!  I couldn't make it without Him.

"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."  Ephesians 3:16-19

As I read these verses, they sum up the last few years.  He has strengthened me, He has poured out His love, and He has filled each day with His wonderful fullness......that, yes, includes being happy on hard days.  Oh how thankful I am!

This past weekend in my quiet time, I decided to listen to a message by Dick Foth - Holding the Ropes for Miracles.  I had no idea what it was about - but I still need a healing miracle and I wanted to learn anything that Dick had to share.  It's a very moving, personal account of the miracle of God saving the life of Dick's wife, Ruth.  As I listened to Dick's message on those who hold the ropes - I realized even more than I already was aware that all those reading my updates have "held the ropes" for us these 5+ years on our unexpected journey.  I am deeply thankful - from the bottom of my heart thankful - that so many have been there for us.  The love, faith, and prayers have held the ropes for us.  I'm so grateful!

We saw many miracles during those 5 years.  Actually there were several times when I thought Floyd would be entering heaven's gates, and we saw a miracle of God keeping him alive here on earth.  I don't understand it all, and I don't need to - I'm just grateful for the miracles.  And I'm grateful for all the prayers.

The last couple years we have prayed for “healing or heaven” for Floyd.  Of course we hoped for healing – but God chose heaven.  I trust that choice completely – and, ultimately, Floyd is now healed too.  He got both answers.

"I have set the Lord always before me.  Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."  Psalm 16:8

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."  Psalm 62:8

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."  Proverbs 18:10

He has been at my right hand - He has been my refuge - He is the strong tower I run to......I trust God to be with me as I continue the journey.  He has been so faithful!  And He is completely trustworthy. 

Floyd Finished His Race

This week was Floyd and my anniversary.  I wondered if it would be a sad day, but it wasn't.  It was a tender, sweet day.  The sun was shining - always something I'm grateful for! - and it was warmer than usual, especially for June.  I watched a sailboat on the bay.  My son brought me a special lunch, and we went for a little drive.  I had a 2 hour chat with my daughter.  A dear friend brought me a "double wick" candle.  I loved the symbolism of that.  It was a gentle day.

All through the day, I gave Jesus messages for Floyd.  I'm grateful for our 54 years together.  God has been good to us - we've had a rich, fulfilling life.  There have been some "bumps" in the road, but the journey has been blessed.  

The hospital informed me that they are keeping Floyd's room empty for a time in his honor, and to allow the staff time to mourn.  I was very touched by that gesture.  They loved Floyd so much.  I could not have managed without them.

I'm also very touched by all the comments, messages, emails, etc.  One of my favorite things to teach on through the years has been the topic of "encouragement."  Words matter!  The words of love are bringing precious comfort and encouragement to my heart.  So many have shared of Floyd's impact on their life when he spoke somewhere in the world.  I had the thought that it was worth every "sacrifice" of our family releasing Floyd to travel and speak.  It was hard sometimes, but there is now beautiful, eternal fruit from that in many lives.  What a blessing!  

YWAM in Holland did a zoom tribute last Sunday.  All Nations International is doing a zoom tribute/prayer time on June 24th.  Other events are in the planning.  I'm blessed that Floyd is being loved and honored.

We are in the time of year when our days are very short.  I often get up in the dark, and sit at the dining room table having breakfast.  One morning this week as I was sitting there, suddenly brilliant sunshine flooded into the room as the sun rose over the mountains to the east.  The light and warmth washed over me.  It was so beautiful.  I sensed the Lord saying to me that "sunshine" is coming for my heart, my soul, and my emotions too.  I received the promise of that!

"To proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.....to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."  Isaiah 61:2,3

God is giving beauty for ashes in my heart - beautiful, rich oil of joy instead of mourning.  He is faithful!

Floyd was a worshipper.  He loved to worship.  That is one of my sweet memories of him.  Someone sent me a precious photo of him with his hands raised in worship.  I've used it at the top of this post.  When he had his arms raised, his "wing span" was huge!  :)  I love keeping this image in my mind and thinking of him worshipping Jesus in person now!

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing."  2 Timothy 4:7,8

Floyd has now finished his race.  I’m so grateful to all who have honored him.  And for all the love and encouragement to me and our family!

Precious in the Lord's Sight

I have been so grateful for all the lovely messages and tributes that have been shared for my dear husband. I so appreciate the love and honor so many are extending to him. It comforts my heart. I have slowly been reading, "savoring" them.

We had prayed for "healing or heaven" for Floyd, and God chose heaven. I trust His wisdom in that. After grieving for over 5 years already, the grief is now "final." It is a profound grief in my heart. The tears are flowing, but they are bringing healing. I take comfort in knowing he is no longer suffering. I don't know how he endured.

Floyd's doctor told me that the hospital staff are in mourning. They loved Floyd, and considered him "family." He said that Floyd inspired them - his courage. He called him a warrior. And all this while Floyd could not speak a word. It had to be the presence of the Lord with him.

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants." Psalm 116:15

Floyd is now with his beloved Jesus! He wanted to finish his life more and more in love with Jesus. I think his heart's desire was fulfilled.

A NOTE FROM SALLY - Floyd is with Jesus

My “gentle giant” Floyd went to be with his beloved Jesus at 1:15 am on Saturday, May 29, 2021. Although I knew this could happen at any time, it still came as a bit of an emotional jolt. I will miss him for the rest of my life. As my children commented, he was “the love of my life” since I was 16 years old. I’m glad he is no longer suffering. I’ll see him again some day!

 Below you’ll find his obituary and some additional notes about his life. Please feel free to share.

Services - Due to the pandemic there will be no in-person services. A memorial video tribute will be shared at a later date.

Further Information All Nations International - link in menu bar All Nations Cape Town - link in menu bar Other inquiries: Skylar Moore - smoore@allnations.international

Remember

Floyd's doctor said he's doing well - no new problems.  The 3rd wave of Covid is moving through the country.  I've asked if Floyd could please have a visit with one of the dear friends on our care team before the 3rd wave arrives in Cape Town.  Thankfully they agreed and our friend had a sweet visit with him.  Floyd was attentive and listened to all that was shared.  He is frail but the visit seemed to boost his spirits.  I look forward to a time when I can visit him too.

I had to have another surgery this past week and found I was unusually anxious about it.  A dear friend of mine was looking back over some prayer updates I had posted 3 years ago.  Yes, 3 years!  This has been a long journey.  She reminded me of something I had said then:

"I didn't feel like I had to win the battle.  It was Jesus in me that would win.  All I had to do was keep my eyes on Him, my hand in His, and let Him carry me.  And that's where the surprise of joy came.  As I did those things, He amazingly brought joy into my heart."

She said she wanted to encourage me with my own words.  I took them to heart, and peace came!  I sensed the Lord's peace and presence with me all along the way.

As I have been recovering the doctor has been surprised that I haven't had pain.  I see that as God's touch on my body - He took the pain.

"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.  He cares for those who trust in Him."  Nahum 1:7

I am so grateful for His care this past week.  

During the last 5+ years on our unexpected journey, one of the things that has helped me so much is to "remember."  Remember all that God has done in our lives.  To remember the answers to prayer.  To remember the miracles we've seen.  To remember His goodness, His faithfulness to us in more ways than we can even remember!

On days when my heart has been discouraged, and on days when my body is weak - as I remember the times He's met me in the past....it gives me fresh courage to persevere into the future.  Remembering is a powerful tool against the lies the enemy tries to bring.  As I remember God's help in the past - it gives me strength for the present.

When I was nervous about last week's surgery, I remembered God's help and faithfulness to me in the previous 7 surgeries.  I knew God hadn't changed!  So it boosted my faith for the 8th surgery.

In the word we're encouraged to share testimonies of God's faithfulness to our children and our children's children.  When I'm with my grandchildren, I love to tell them stories of how God has been with us in our many years of ministry.  It always impacts their hearts.  And it strengthens my own heart as I "remember."

"Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things He does for me."  Psalm 103:2

"I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.  I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds."  Psalm 77:11,12

"You shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness."  Deuteronomy 8:2

"Remember the wondrous works that He has done."  1 Chronicles 16:12

"Remember the days of old; consider the years of many generations; ask your father, and He will show you, your elders, and they will tell you."  Deuteronomy 32:7 

Memories tell our story.  Remembering all God has done for us tells the story of His goodness in our lives. 

Power in the Name of Jesus

Floyd's dad, Floyd Sr., was a Godly man.  He was a man who loved God with all his heart and walked in God's ways.  I have many precious memories of this dear man, but one in particular I've been thinking about recently.  For as long as I knew him, he would often be walking around speaking quietly "Jesus, Jesus.  Thank you, Jesus."  It was so much a part of him to be doing that.

Recently I was walking through the house, doing some chores, when I realized I was doing the same thing my father-in-law used to do.  I was quietly saying "Jesus, Jesus.  Thank you, Jesus."  I wasn't even aware of doing it.  I guess I was mentored by Dad's example through the years.

It was suddenly so noticeable that I sat down to think about it.

I pondered how there is a power that comes as we speak the name of Jesus!  It releases His strength and grace into whatever we are doing.  And it wonderfully keeps our focus on Him as we speak His name.  It's a statement of worship.

How lovely is the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior.  He is worthy of our speaking forth His name continually.

"There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved."  Acts 4:12

"Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son."  John 14:13

"Jesus came and said to them, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.' "  Matthew 28:18

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe."  Proverbs 18:10

"I am the good shepherd.  The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep."  John 10:11

I was recently reading a novel about a woman who loved to go to church and offer up her prayers to the Lord.  The final sentence in the book says "Sometimes prayers take a long time to be answered."  And the book concludes with an answered prayer.  Some of the prayers we are praying may take time to be answered, but our wonderful Jesus is listening and working on our behalf!  We can keep speaking forth His name.

Life Finds a Way

Things are the same and stable for Floyd.  We continue to lift him up to the Lord in prayer.

This past week I was reminded of a photo my sister-in-law posted on FaceBook recently of an old dead, dried up tree trunk – with a beautiful green tree growing out of the middle of it.  You can see it above. She entitled it "life finds a way."  It's striking!  It's such a vivid reminder that new life, beauty, and amazing things can come from something that seems dead and gone.  This new life literally pushed away the old and dead trunk.  Nothing could stop its growth!

I love that visual.  It's a perfect illustration that in the midst of "deadness" - what has been lost - fresh new life can come.  Things may be lost in our lives.  Things may seem dead.  It may seem like there is no hope.  And yet, with God's touch of life - miracles can spring up!  I keep trusting for that in a number of areas.

With God - life will always find a way!

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come."  2 Corinthians 5:17

"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."  Isaiah 43:19

"Indeed there is hope for a tree.  If it's cut down and still sprouting and its shoots don't fail, if its roots age in the ground and its stump dies in the dust, at the scent of water, it will bud and produce sprouts like a plant."  Job 14:7-9

Many of us have been going through hard times.  Some may feel dead, dried up.  But there is life in the midst of hardness!  We must keep our eyes on Him, and keep hope alive.  Life always finds a way!

One day last week I was having a very challenging day - on just about every level.  I was feeling quite overwhelmed.  I took time to sit and cry out to the Lord.  I cast my burdens on Him.  I thanked Him for His goodness to me on this long unexpected journey.  I claimed promises in the Word.  I spoke out my trust that His grace is sufficient.  And I told Him I couldn't make it without Him.

As I prayed, I could almost physically feel the Lord lifting the heavy burdens from my heart.  The weight had been so heavy!  But God was lifting it from my heart, my mind, my emotions, and my body.  By the time I went to bed that evening, my spirit was light!  He is truly our burden bearer when we call out to Him.

I wanted to share this testimony to His goodness and faithfulness as an encouragement.  I truly believe that when we trust Him, and when we choose to rejoice in hard times - a miracle happens.  Our trust and hope lifts us above our circumstances.  It releases renewed hope, and joy - even though things might still be difficult.  Only God can do that!

Sometimes when we're in a difficult season, we may wonder why God isn't doing something.  Why isn't He answering our prayers.  A Bible teacher named Ronald Dunn said "God isn't an arsonist.  He's a refiner."

We may feel the heat, but we won't be burned up!  The testing of our faith, the trials and fires we walk through only "refine" us.  God walks right beside us as He works in our lives to refine us and make us more like Him.

"The genuiness of your faith.....though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ."  1 Peter 1:7

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence."  Psalm 42:5

"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken."  Psalm 55:22

"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

I know I can't make it alone.  I'm so grateful God holds my hand, bears my burdens, and walks beside me on the roller coaster of this unexpected journey. 

Acceptance - the Key to Peace

Floyd's condition remains stable and is doctor is pleased with how he's doing.  I’m so grateful for all those who continue to pray for him, love him and support him even from afar.

I was thinking back this week to a time many years ago when we lived in Amsterdam.  I was in a lot of pain.  The doctors were struggling to find the cause.  It was so intense that it was disabling - I couldn't do much of anything.  In the midst of this as I prayed for relief and healing, I felt the Lord said to me to "embrace" my weakness, to accept it.  That was not what I wanted to hear!  But I felt the Lord tell me that if I embraced it and worked with Him, there were valuable lessons to be learned.  And it was true.  As I changed my attitude, my perspective - it became a special season of walking with the Lord.

During the years of this unexpected journey we're on, I've tried my best to apply the same principle.  Recently I was listening to some messages by Elizabeth Elliott.  She said in the trials she has gone through (including her husband Jim being martyred by a tribe in Ecuador), she has learned that "acceptance is the key to peace in the matter of suffering."  Hearing her say that was a fresh confirmation of what God had said/and continues to say to me.

To be clear, acceptance isn't a fatalistic thing!  While I accept the season I'm in and work with God's purposes in it - I still do everything I can to get better in my physical trial.  I take medicine.  I eat well.  I use natural medicines that help me.  I exercise.  I try to get good sleep.  I pray for healing!!!  But underneath everything I try to keep my heart in an attitude of acceptance and embracing all that God has for me in this season.  That "attitude" helps release grace on the hard days.  I'm trying my best to work with God and not "fight" the season I'm in.  I hope I'm explaining it clearly enough so that you understand what I'm saying.

I guess I'm trying to say that my heart attitude is more important than my physical situation.

Acceptance involves trust.  It means I shouldn't whine or complain.  It means I don't compare my present time with past times - or project into what I want for a future time.  Acceptance takes the "sting" out of a hard time.  Acceptance allows me to find God's grace for my every need.  It even allows me to find joy in the times of suffering.  Acceptance allows me to see God's goodness when I'm having a hard day.  Acceptance allows hope to stay alive in my heart.  We live in a day and age when everyone wants a quick fix.  Acceptance allows me to persevere when things don't change quickly.  Acceptance allows me to develop Godly character as I persevere with God's help.  A heart of acceptance in what I'm going through changes everything!!

I still hope and pray for change.....but until that happens, I choose to accept all of God's plans and purposes for the unexpected journey I'm on.  There are lessons to be learned in weakness that I can't learn in times of strength.  God has been so faithful to me on this journey!  He has helped me learn some of those lessons.

"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."  Romans 5:3-5

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."  Philippians 4:12

"In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  John 16:33 

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

Floyd said in his book Holiness and the Spirit of the Age - "Humility releases us from hiding and pretending to be something we are not.  It allows us to be known for who we really are.  A superficial world encourages us to cover our needs, our weaknesses.  Humility and godliness sets us free from this kind of thinking."  May God help me to accept my need, my weakness on this journey.  May He help me learn every lesson He has for me.

Someone sent me a photo by Steven Furtick of a saying - "Never stop, never stop, never stop...Never stop telling yourself the story of God's faithfulness."  How true and how important!  As we continually remind ourselves of God's faithfulness, it keeps things in perspective.  It releases hope, and grace, and strength.  Being able to get through whatever we're facing isn't dependent on us - it's dependent on God's awesome faithfulness.

God's faithfulness, His 100% sure and abundant faithfulness, gets us through the day......even the next hour.  His faithfulness is with us on a good day, and even more so on a hard day.  His faithfulness is there on a sunny day - but also on a cloudy one - or windy, stormy one - or freezing cold one.  His faithfulness is with us summer and winter and everything in between.  His faithfulness is with us during the day, and during the lonely night hours.  His faithfulness is with us when we are feeling good, and especially when we are struggling, hurting, in pain.  His faithfulness is a solid, sure, rock, and refuge!!  His faithfulness never, ever, ever fails us!  It is the most solid and secure thing in the universe!  God is faithful - always, always, always!

In the midst of hard times, one of the biggest temptations we face is the lying voice of the enemy.  He tries to whisper that God isn't concerned about what we're facing......he especially tries to use this lie if our situation isn't changing, or is perhaps getting worse.  He'll try his best to make us believe that God isn't hearing or answering our prayers.  We must not believe that lie!  God is always at work - most often in ways we can't see or understand.  He never abandons us.  He always cares.  He is continually right by our side.  I can't see the air I breathe - but it is sustaining me continually.  Even if I can't see what God is doing, I have the assurance that He is working on my behalf because His Word tells me that.

When I proclaim God's faithfulness, it releases fresh strength and hope in my heart!  As I type these words of God's faithfulness, there is something that rises in my heart and says, "Yes!''  My faith and my hope is strengthened by proclaiming this truth.  Giving testimony to God's faithfulness brings joy to my day!  I'm smiling as I think of how faithful He's been to me, to Floyd, to our family, to each one of you!

If you're going through a hard time and you're not actively aware of God's faithfulness - may I encourage you to sit quietly in His presence for a few minutes and ask God to reveal His faithfulness to you.  Silence that sneaky voice of the enemy, and ask the Holy Spirit for fresh revelation of God's faithfulness.  It will change your day!

"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love Him and keep His commandments, to a thousand generations."  Deuteronomy 7:9

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."  Hebrews 10:23

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22,23

"You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness."  Psalm 86:15

The verses about God's faithfulness seem endless.  God proclaims His faithfulness to us over and over and over in the Word.  His faithfulness is sure and firm.

I could never have survived these last 5 years without God's faithfulness.  The fact that I am still standing, still able to write these updates is a testimony to the goodness and faithfulness of the Lord.  I am so grateful!

Chopped Off, But Growing

Floyd's condition remains much the same.  I'm sure it's hard for him that we still can't visit him too.  I pray all the time for comfort for him!

I've been thinking recently of how Jesus understands everything we go through because He walked through the same things during His time on earth.  I was reminded of this as I watched a recent episode of Season 2 of "The Chosen."   

In the 3rd episode Jesus is going to bed after a long intense day of ministering to people.  He says "I'm so tired."  He looks utterly exhausted!

As I watched that scene, something within me was touched.  It brought home afresh that Jesus understands what we walk through!  He understands when we are tired, weak, and weary.  He is able to strengthen us because He knows just what we need.  It brought fresh grace to my heart just realizing that profound truth once again.

So many times when I've thought I just can't make it, I draw on His "understanding" grace......He understands because He walked through the same things we face.  He is "intimately acquainted" with everything we face.  What a wonderful assurance that is.  He is ready to whisper comfort to us in our time of need.   

"This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for He faced all the same testings we do, yet He did not sin."  Hebrews 4:15

"Jesus, tired as He was from the journey, sat down by the well."  John 4:6

"My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death."  Matthew 26:38

"He will hide me in His shelter in the day of trouble; He will conceal me under the cover of His tent; He will lift me high upon a rock."  Psalm 27:5

In our hardest, weakest, darkest moments - Jesus doesn't leave us to survive alone.  He enters into what we are walking through and helps us.  I remember on my lowest days in the hospital recently - on the days when the doctors didn't know if I'd make it......I had such a peace, and a sense of Jesus being right with me.  He understands and He helps us!  What a blessed assurance that is as we face all the unknowns of the future.

Because I have been mostly alone here at home for the past 13 months during the pandemic, I tend to be very observant of everything around me.  One of the points of beauty that I love looking at is our flowering bougainvillea plants.  They bloom all year long.  They are such cheerful bright spots! 

Two of the bougainvillea plants climb up along the wall of our deck.  I have to constantly keep them trimmed back or they spoil the lovely ocean view that we have.  That beautiful view of God's creation ministers to my heart daily!  It has helped me through many bed-ridden days of chemo treatment.  It's been such a gift to my soul.

I've noticed in recent months that we no sooner trim the plants back, than they start sprouting up again.  This last time I noticed that they climbed "up to the sky" 4-6 inches in one day after being cut.  It's quite amazing!  You can see them in the picture above this post.

I was sitting looking at them one day when I realized the spiritual lesson they show.  They get drastically cut off, chopped down.....but then they turn around and grow anew.  Nothing stops them!  They reach for the sun and light as soon as they've been cut off.  And in the midst of all that, they blossom beautifully.

As I was observing this, thinking about it - I found myself spontaneously praying that no matter what gets "chopped off" in my life, no matter how much I'm "cut off" - I want to pick up the pieces and keep growing, keep reaching out to the Son and the light of His goodness.  I don't want anything to keep me from growing.  And I pray I'll be able to "blossom" in spite of whatever comes my way.

I've been praying as I do my deck walking that I'll be like the bougainvillea - growing afresh whenever I'm chopped down!  It's been a special lesson in God's creation.

"We glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit."  Romans 5:3-5

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."  2 Corinthians 4:8

"The God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."  1 Peter 5:10

"In all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28 

I'm so grateful for the wonderful lessons of spiritual life and growth that God has put into His creation to show us how to walk with Him! 

Moment by Moment Grace

Floyd's doctor told me yesterday that his condition continues to be stable.  Floyd is peaceful, and being well cared for.

I got the first part of the report from my recent medical tests this week.  My oncologist said it was good news!  There is no new tumor growth, and the cancer hasn't spread.  She said I'm recovering well from all I went through in Nov. and Dec.  It was encouraging to get her feedback!  

The first 3 episodes of season 2 of The Chosen have been released recently.  I've been waiting for the new season as I so enjoyed season 1, which I had watched a number of times!  As I watched these 3 new episodes, it made me want to read the books of Matthew and John again in the New Testament - so I've been doing that.  This passage from Matthew 10:40-42 stood out to me:

"Whoever receives you, receives me, and whoever receives me receives the One who sent me.  Whoever receives a prophet because he is God's messenger will share a prophet's reward.  And whoever welcomes a good and godly man because he follows me will also share in his reward.  And whoever gives a cup of cold water to one of my humble disciples, I promise you, he will not go unrewarded."

My heart filled with gratitude as I read this passage.  So many of those who read my updates have given "a cup of cold water" to Floyd and me.  Their love, prayers, gifts, encouraging words and care in so many ways have ministered to us.  I don't think we'd have made it without that!  I am so, so very grateful!  The refreshing "cold water" that has been extended to us has helped us persevere!  

As I've read through the book of Matthew, I've been impressed afresh with how many healing miracles Jesus performed.  It has increased my faith to keep praying for miracles - not just for us, but for so many dear friends and relatives who are in need of a miracle.  Jesus is the same yesterday and today!  I'm asking Him for miracles.

"Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God."  Philippians 1:3

This past week we've had a big fire here in Cape Town on Table Mountain.  You may have seen it on the news as it made international headlines.  It's still uncertain how it started Sunday morning but it spread very quickly because of things being so dry and the humidity level being low.  In no time at all, it was raging out of control.  Firemen were brought in from around the area, water dropping helicopters were working furiously, and people on the ground were spraying water where possible.  The fire raged for 2 days.

Thankfully there was no loss of life, and only a few injuries.  But several buildings were burned on the UCT campus including the library which lost many priceless documents.  Some homes were lost.  An iconic windmill from 1796 was destroyed.  Thousands had to be evacuated.  People have pulled together to help one another. 

As I followed the news and watched everything unfold, it reminded me yet again that our lives can change in an instant.  When we're going through a hard time, we often ask the Lord for grace and strength for the "big picture" of what we're facing.  We need that.  But we have no idea of what will happen that we can't see.  I've come to realize more and more that I need "moment-by-moment" grace and strength.  There are so many variables that come along that I had no idea about - some big, unexpected "fires."  I couldn't make it without His sufficient provision for the moment.  It keeps me close to Him as I rely on that step-by-step help.  I'm so very grateful that He's with me on every twist and turn of the journey......especially the unexpected ones.

"My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in  Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:19

"Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."  Matthew 6:8

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."  Psalm 23:1 

"Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you."  1 Peter 5:7

"The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights."  Habakkuk 3:19

Our unexpected journey has been long, but God's faithful moment-by-moment grace has carried me through.  He has never failed me!

While I Wait I Will Worship

Floyd's condition has remained stable this week.  I'm so grateful for the sweet team that takes care of Floyd.  I regularly pray blessings on them.

I'm in a time when I need to do medical checkups, scans, laboratory tests, etc.  It's always stressful when I have to do this.  The mind so easily goes to the "what ifs."  I purposely choose not to worry, but I no sooner battle the thoughts of anxiety and get rid of them - and then they pop up all over again.  It's a daily challenge.

It doesn't help that I'm having to wait for results.  My oncologist herself just had surgery and is recovering.  I have to wait until she is well enough to return to her practice before I can get the reports of the tests I've been doing.

As I've been asking the Lord to help me not worry, I've felt challenged to recall His faithfulness, His provision, and His answers to prayer in the past.  It's easy to get "spiritual amnesia" and forget all He's done for us.  There is power in recalling His goodness from times past as we trust Him for help in the present!  We can no sooner have an answer to prayer and then we move on to the next need.  We forget what He's just done for us.  If we're not careful, we can even complain.

This happened with the children of Israel.  God delivered them from Egypt - parted the Red Sea so they could cross - provided manna in the desert with a pillar of cloud to guide them by day and a pillar of fire by night....and yet they forgot and complained!

As I face the future with all the unknowns, the things I can so easily worry about, I am consciously choosing to "remember."  I am focusing on all the wonderful ways He has led us, helped us, healed us, provided for us, and met our every need.  It truly helps to dispel worry as I do that.

"Remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me."  Isaiah 46:9

"Take care lest you forget the Lord, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery."  Deuteronomy 6:12

"I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old."  Psalm 77:11 

"I will remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done."  Psalm 143:5

Just a few months ago when I was in the hospital, God saved my life!  I don't have to go back very far to "remember" His goodness and faithfulness.  I know I can trust Him with whatever the future holds.  I'm in His loving hands.

Waiting is challenging, often frustrating.  None of us like it.  Waiting in a traffic jam.  Waiting for a traffic light to turn green.  Waiting in line at the grocery store.  Waiting in the reception area for an appointment.  Waiting on the phone to speak to someone while being told "your call is important to us."  Waiting to recover from illness.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.  The list of situations when we've waited is endless.  Right now the whole world is waiting for the pandemic to end.

But waiting doesn't need to be wasted time.  There are valuable lessons to be learned and gleaned as we wait.  In the last 5 years on our unexpected journey, I've learned so much.  I don't know what's still ahead, but I've come to appreciate the journey, the waiting, because of all that I've encountered along the way.  Most importantly, I'm very aware that God has a plan......but there have been some detours on the way to seeing the fulfillment of that plan.

As we wait for whatever has been delayed in our life, it's so important to make sure our trust in the Lord isn't undermined.  God uses the delays, the waiting to prepare us for whatever is ahead.  In fact, we probably wouldn't be able to handle what's ahead without the lessons He's bringing while we wait.  Our place is to persevere, and to be grateful for what we have as we wait.  And we're not alone.  God is right with us in the waiting.

Whining, complaining, and arguing doesn't help!  We might be tempted to "remind" God of things.....but He's in control.  What we're going through probably will not change us - but our response to what we're going through most certainly will!  All we control is our attitude, our response, our heart.  If the situation changes but our heart is not in the right place with God, then we won't be fully able to receive what God has for us.

Waiting isn't forever - although it may seem that way at times.  There is blessing on the other side of waiting!  I think of Abraham, of Hannah, and others.  They kept hope alive in their hearts as they waited.  They kept trusting God.  They persevered.  They worshipped.  

As the lyrics of the song by Lincoln Brewster say, “While I wait, I will worship”.  Perhaps that's the most important thing in our waiting......is that we keep a heart of worship towards the Lord and what He's doing in our lives.  He deserves our worship in every season of our lives.  He is faithful and trustworthy!

"Since the world began, no ear has heard and no eye has seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for Him!"  Isaiah 64:4

"If we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."  Romans 8:25

"Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise."  Hebrews 10:23

"They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

Waiting is part of the journey to the things God has for us.  We may not always like it, but waiting has valuable lessons for us to learn.  And, thankfully, because God is right with us in the waiting - we can ask for His grace and strength to wait with the right heart and attitude.  He'll help us wait!

Focus on Seeing Jesus

Floyd has been more settled this week, I’m very grateful for that and for all the prayers that have been lifted up for him.

I hope you had a blessed Easter weekend.  I had the joy of celebrating with a few friends in the garden of one of the friends.  Except for medical appointments and my time in the hospital, I have been in isolation at home for over a year.  It was indeed a special "joy" to see some friends and to celebrate together - although very carefully as my immune system is still rather low.

On Good Friday, I was thanking Jesus for all He did for us through His death and resurrection.  My heart overflowed with gratitude because I know I couldn't make it without Him.  He is my everything!

There are times when the needs and pressures of life press in so intensely that they are mainly what I "see."  My focus is on the suffering, the weakness.  The Lord has been encouraging me to "see" Him instead of my needs.  I find that it usually takes a conscious effort to do that.  The needs are often so big, so heavy, so overwhelming that it's hard to focus beyond them.  But as I stop and change my focus, when I "see" Jesus clearly......see who He is and what He's done for me.....then the needs become so much less intense.  In my mind's eye, it's like focusing a pair of binoculars.  I need to not focus on what's right in front of me - but focus on who Jesus is all around me.  He is there, offering His strength, grace, and help.  I just need to see Him, whisper His name, and take hold of His hand.

I read recently that if you're caught in a lightning storm, out in the open with no protection - you should kneel down, tuck your arms in, and go as low as you can to the ground.  If lightning strikes, you won't be as likely a conductor of the lightning bolt because you're so low.  "Maximum safety depends on keeping a low physical profile."

I immediately started thinking about facing the storms of life - those pressures I spoke of above.  My safety is in bowing before the Lord, humbling myself before Him, "seeing" Him - not the storm.  I am bowing my heart before Him.  I'm focusing on all He's done for me.  I'm resting in Him and receiving afresh from His loving hand.  

"I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.  Psalm 59:16

"We're depending on God; He's everything we need.  What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own His holy name.  Love us, God, with all you've got - that's what we're depending on."  Psalm 33:20-22  The Message 

"Because you have been my help, therefore in the shadow of your wings I will rejoice."  Psalm 63:7

Over the Easter weekend, my heart has been stirred as I've meditated on the resurrection victory of Jesus to trust Him for miracles.  When we don't see them in answer to our prayers, I think it's easy to let our faith get weak or lazy.  I'm asking God to increase my faith, and to help me trust Him more actively for miracles.  He is a miracle working God!  He is still moving with resurrection power miracles today.  I'm trusting to see them, to experience them!

I read about a man who had a weather vane on his barn that said "God is love."  When asked why it said that, he told them that it was a reminder to him.  "No matter which way the wind blows, God is love."  How simple, but how profound - and how true!  No matter what "weather" comes our way - God is love.  God is faithful.  God is sufficient.  God is with us.  God is good.  God is working in our lives to accomplish His plans and purposes.  Whatever way the wind blows in our lives - God is there with whatever we need.  And He's still working miracles!

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever."  Hebrews 13:8

"We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield."  Psalm 33:20

"For I, the Lord, do not change."  Malachi 3:6

"The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever."  Isaiah 40:8

"Have you not known?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth.  He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable."  Isaiah 40:28

What a sweet assurance it is to know that our wonderful God is unchanging, and still in the business of performing miracles.  He is so good and so faithful!

Praise Gets me Through the Day

Floyd has had some rough days.  I hate knowing he is suffering.  It always weighs heavy on my heart.  I'm grateful for his loving, caring doctor.  Together, we try to think of everything we can do to make Floyd comfortable.  I continue to pray for healing or heaven for him.

I was recently reminded of something that took place many years ago when we lived in the Dutch countryside while pioneering a training, discipling, and rehab center.  It was a beautiful area for our children to play.  One of the properties bordered a forest.  The children were told to play on our grounds, but not to go into the forest because they might get lost.

One day two of the children decided they wanted to see what was in the forest.  It wasn't long before they were lost and didn't know how to find their way out.  An old lady came along who said she lived in the forest, and she told them how to get back to where they came from.  When they told their parents what had happened, they said "no one lives in the forest!"  Of course we think an "old lady" angel helped them find their way! 

I had forgotten about this.  When I was reminded of it recently, I couldn't help but wonder how many times angels have helped us in various ways without our being aware of it!  I think it's probably been lots of times - for all of us.  We just don't realize that God is sending angels to watch over us.  We've probably even seen angels, but didn't know what we were seeing. :) 

Once on an outreach some vicious guard dogs were running towards us ready to attack.  All we could do was stand still and pray.  The dogs ran right up to us, then turned and ran off - never touching or harming us.  God had put some kind of protective shield around us to protect us.  Many people came to the Lord that day as we shared the Gospel.  God had a plan for those dear people and wasn't going to let some dogs get in the way!

Another time Floyd was speaking in a church.  A lady asked why Floyd travelled with a security guard.  She had seen a tall man standing guard behind Floyd as he spoke.  Floyd has never hired a security guard even though there were times he might have wished he had one - especially when we lived and worked in the red light district in Amsterdam.  His life was regularly threatened in those days.  Why there was an angel with Floyd in that church we'll never know!

I'm so grateful for the Lord's protection - in whatever way He sends it.  I'm sure He has protected us in countless ways on our unexpected journey these last few years.  And I know He is with each of you.  I'm so very grateful for His watchcare, and, yes, for angels when He sends them our way.

"Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?"  Hebrews 1:14

"He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways."  Psalm 91:11

"Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it."  Hebrews 13:2 

"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and delivers them."  Psalm 34:7 

"Behold, I send an angel before you to guard you on the way and to bring you to the place that I have prepared."  Exodus 23:20

I often pray for angels to keep Floyd company in this season when we can't visit him.  I pray for ministering angels to help him in his suffering.  And I pray for angels to keep us safe from all harm and danger.

I pray for angels to be with each of you - to guard you, protect you, and encourage you!  Maybe He'll even let you see them. :)

Praise is what gets me through each day!  On days when my strength is lagging, I speak out gratitude that He is my strength in weakness.  When sadness makes my heart heavy over Floyd's situation, I rejoice in God's goodness and faithfulness, and thank Him that His grace is sufficient for every need, even Floyd's needs!  When it's hard to keep persevering, I thank Him that He has won the victory over everything I'm facing and that He will help me.  When physical aches and pains poke their heads up, I thank the Lord for His healing touch.  He has relieved my pain over and over again!  We "live and move and have our being" in Him - and powerfully so as we worship Him.

I know I've shared about it before, but I have been reminded again so significantly how important it is to praise the Lord - even when we don't feel like it.....especially when we don't feel like it!  When I am struggling in some way I need to choose to speak out praise and worship......then something happens!!  The burden gets lighter.  The weights are lifted from my heart.  My emotions turn to joy.  My mind can think clearer.  Praise to our Lord is an awesome gift and tool that God has given us.  He deserves the praise - but He uses it to turn around to bless and help us!

Heaviness, worry, discouragement, and sadness disappear in the face of worship.  The joy that comes in worship begins to flood over us as we worship!  We're instructed in the Word to worship - because God is worthy and deserves our worship.  But He knew it would be for our good too!  The radiance of His presence, of who He is, shines through the worship into the depths of our souls. 

" 'For in Him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are His offspring.' "  Acts 17:28

"I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble."  Psalm 59:16

"In your name they rejoice all day long, and in your righteousness they are exalted."  Psalm 89:16

"I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation."  Psalm 13:5

I've always been aware of the power of worship - especially in our time in Afghanistan and in the Red Light District in Amsterdam, but I've learned a new aspect of it, a new depth of its power, during these years on our unexpected journey.  In the midst of physical and emotional suffering I've been so grateful for the ministry and power of worship!  It's a gift to us from the Father.