Don't Let Your Guard Down

During the long years that Floyd was silent and hospitalized, I would often tell him that his "voice" was still being heard through his writings and videos.  I often shared messages from people who had been ministered to by what he'd shared.  I wanted him to know that he wasn't forgotten, and that his ministry was ongoing.

I still want that to happen.  Listening to his video message that I shared about in my last post made me sad that he's no longer around to keep preaching - but we have an abundance of things he's shared in the past.  I believe God still wants to anoint and use Floyd's ministry.

I have been battling with a persistent infection lately which some days leaves me feeling weak.  We've also had some very hot summer weather.  The heat leaves me feeling weak too.  And the combination of the two really leaves me feeling weak.  In this weakness, I find my emotions are vulnerable - to feeling lonely, to being discouraged, to being tired of the long unexpected journey I've been on, etc.

I have had to remind myself to stand against these emotions and keep my focus on the Lord.  I do this and I think it's "done and dusted" as they say.  But the sneaky thing about these emotions is that they keep trying to pop up again.  I have been reminding myself to keep looking to the Lord - day by day and hour by hour.  I can't let my guard down.

I've heard from a number of friends who are battling "Covid fatigue."  They're so tired of this pandemic going on and on.  I understand that.  I'm tired of it too.  It's such a disruption to our lives.  And there is sickness and loss thrown in.  One friend shared with me that she's lost 4 friends in the last month.  My heart breaks when I hear that.

This is another situation where we have to keep our focus on the Lord.  The enemy would love to discourage and defeat us over this pandemic.  It's hard!  But we can't let the enemy drag us down - I can't let the enemy drag me down.  I am choosing over and over and over again to look to the Lord for everything that is weighing heavily on my heart.  He alone can carry me and lift me up.  He is a sure Rock upon which I can stand.  I cling to Him.  There's plenty of room on that Rock for all of us to stand firm in these difficult times.

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."  Psalm 18:2

"There is no Rock like our God."  1 Samuel 2:2

"From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint.  Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."  Psalm 61:2

He is my Rock.  He is my firm foundation!

I woke up the other morning singing old songs from when I was growing up in my Assembly of God church in Galveston, Texas.  I find it fascinating how the subconscious works.  I have no idea what brought these songs up, but they immediately took me to a place of worship.  I found my heart welling up with thanks to Jesus for shedding His precious blood for us.

“Oh the blood of Jesus

Oh the blood of Jesus
Oh the blood of Jesus 
It washes white as snow.

What can wash away my sins?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.”

“At the cross, at the cross
Where I first saw the light
And the burden of my heart rolled away
It was there by faith
I received my sight
And now I am happy all the day.”

“To the faint He giveth power
Through the mountains makes a way
Findeth water in the desert
Turns the night to golden day.

And I know, yes I know
Jesus blood can make the vilest sinner clean
And I know, yes I know
Jesus blood can make the vilest sinner clean.”
 

“What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Oh! Precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow;
No other fount I know,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.”

Our songs have changed through the years.  There are so many beautiful songs of worship being written these days.  But there is something about the simplicity of these old songs that made my heart so grateful that Jesus shed His blood for me.  How lost I'd be if He hadn't done that.

During a week like this past one where I’ve had a number of frustrations and I have felt weak, I find it helpful to tune everything out and sit singing these songs. It’s good to remember that the most important thing in life is that Jesus has given His precious blood to cleanse us, heal us, and give us new beginnings. Ultimately nothing else matters. How grateful I am for His saving grace!!

Blessings to each one reading this. Because of His redeeming love our hearts are connected for all eternity!

The Journey of Grief

We recently came across a message that Floyd preached in a church in Gauteng here in South Africa 10 years ago.  It's called "Writing Your Own Spiritual Will."  It's about 35 minutes long.  Floyd recounts our family finding something his dad had written.  We found it after he had passed away.  In it, Dad shares about the spiritual will he wanted to pass on to his children - and he affirms each child and grandchild.  It was very special to find this.  Floyd then challenges us about the legacy we are each leaving.  It's a special sermon.

I loved hearing Floyd preach!  He had a wonderful anointing for preaching and teaching.  I'm sorry we've lost that, but grateful we have videos like this that can keep sharing his voice.  

It was a good reminder of the legacy we leave - all of us.  We leave a legacy of pointing people to Jesus - or of pointing them to other things.  As followers of Jesus, we should be pointing the way to Him through our words, our actions, our daily lives, our choices.  I've made a fresh commitment in my heart to try and leave a "Jesus legacy."   

"Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me."  John 14:6 

"In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."  Matthew 5:16

Listening to Floyd's message was emotional for me though - sweet, tender, and tearful.  Grief rose up in my heart again - it does that fairly often anyway.  But seeing his face, hearing his voice, listening to him preaching - it emphasized the loss.

I had been rereading some of my old updates - all the way back to 2018.  I found a quote from another sermon of Floyd's - "Grieve Well to Grow Well."  These words spoke to my heart:

"Nothing can prepare us for the loss of a loved one.  And nothing can prepare us for the grief that follows.  Grief is part of the healing process that we need, but it's also very painful to walk through.  There's no set timetable for it.  We each have to walk through it in the way that we need.  It's the method God uses to cleanse our heart from the anguish, and bring us back to a place of wholeness.  It's part of the journey we embark on when we lose a loved one, or lose something precious to us."

It felt like Floyd was speaking right to my heart.  And there is a powerful truth there. Grief IS God's gift to us to heal us.  The journey of grieving - for whatever we have lost - is a special journey of healing to bring us back to wholeness.  I'm on that journey - and I would guess that many of you are too. 

It was helpful to be encouraged once again that God understands grief, and that He uses it to bring healing to our hearts.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."  Matthew 5:4 

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

"Jesus wept."  John 11:35

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  Psalm 147:3

There's no timetable for grief, but there are an abundance of promises that God will meet us, help us, and heal us.  A friend signed off his email to me with this phrase - "peace in every heartbeat."  I love that!  I think that's what the Lord gives us when we are grieving.

If you would like to listen to Floyd’s message you can find it under Resources on our home page. 

Our Firm Rock and Foundation

I recently heard something that I hadn't known.  Not too long before he got sick, Floyd was traveling and spent time with a couple.  He shared with them that God had been challenging him to give me to Him.  They assumed it had to do with my cancer battle.  It was only later after all that happened that they wondered if it related to Floyd giving me to the Lord when he could no longer take care of me - while I battled cancer and he lay in a hospital bed.  It was one more example of how the Lord knew what was coming and was paving the way for our unexpected journey.  I can't help but think that it must have comforted Floyd's heart during those days to know he had already committed me to the capable hands of the Lord.

God is such a wonderful God of details!  He oversees and is involved in everything in our lives.  Recently I've had some big things to take to Him - and also lots of small things.....things that may seem inconsequential, but things that are still part of life.  God is never too busy, too tired, or too overwhelmed to be involved in all the details of our lives.  Nothing is too big or too small for His attention.

That gives me such confidence and security as I continue on my journey.  There are times when I miss being able to talk and process things with Floyd.  I'm so grateful that I can pour out my heart to the Lord - knowing He's listening and that He'll help me with what I'm facing.  He "neither slumbers nor sleeps" - He's always ready to hear my heart!

"The Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary."  Isaiah 40:28

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms."  Deuteronomy 33:27

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.' "  Isaiah 41:13

"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."  Psalm 5:3

Our awesome God is concerned about every single detail of our lives.  I'm so grateful for that!

This has been an important week for me.  It was "check up" time.  It's always a bit nerve racking as I wait to see what the verdict is for my condition.  I have a tumor that couldn't be removed in the big surgery in November 2020.  To do so would have irreparably damaged several nearby organs.  So I know I'll always have cancer unless there's a healing miracle.  I would love to hear the words "cancer free" - but I was grateful when I heard the words "the tumor hasn't grown."  That is wonderful news!

After being so frail when I came home from the six weeks in the hospital after my surgery, I worked all last year to try and rebuild my health and strength.  The doctor feels I'm doing very well.  When I had my original diagnosis, the doctor didn't think I'd make it for even 2 years.  This coming June will be 8 years.  I know God's hand has been upon me.  I am so thankful. 

I was recently praying about something and this phrase came so clearly to mind - "when one door closes, God opens another."  I guess I've had a number of closed doors in recent years, but I know God has plans and purposes for my future.  My own strength is limited, but God's grace and strength is abundant.  I will walk through the open doors He has for me.

It's so important for us to remember this in whatever we are walking through.  Until the day He takes us home to heaven, He will always have "open doors" for us.  He has good things in store for us always - even in the midst of a pandemic, in unusual weather events, in uncertain things all around us, in sickness, in loss, and in any difficult situation we are facing.  He is our firm Rock and foundation!  His hand is upon us.  In whatever we face, our hard time isn't meant to break us but to bend us ever more closely into our loving God who has good things in store for us!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"Perhaps you were born for such a time as this."  Esther 4:14

"The plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations."  Psalm 33:11

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you."  Psalm 32:8

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5,6

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him."  Romans 8:28

If I had to figure out everything in my life on my own, I'd be so overwhelmed and lost in knowing what to do.  I'm so grateful for God's wisdom in showing me the "doors" I'm to walk through.  He is a wonderful guide.  My heart is full of love and thankfulness. 

Still Upright

This week there were days when there was a lot going on, and my thoughts were all over the place.  The one thing that kept coming clearly to me, though, is that Jesus is right beside me.  He's not off in the distance somewhere - He's right with me!  How grateful I am for the assurance of that.  How grateful I am for His abiding presence!

"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel....But as for me, it is good to be near God.  I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."  Psalm 73:23, 28

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."  2 Corinthians 4:7-9

I am still processing moving into a new year!  I came across the photo and caption that I share above.  I have to say that I laughed so hard when I saw it......and I kinda identify with that chicken!  I feel a bit "singed" and like pieces of me have been torn off.  But I'm still upright and walking tall with the Lord's help!  I am choosing to leave behind all that happened last year, and in the previous years.  I'm remembering God's faithfulness and blessings - but putting behind the difficulties, disappointments, and sorrows.  

"Forgetting those things which are behind....I press toward the goal."  Philippians 3:13,14

I am focusing my mind on Jesus and thinking about the good things in my life.  There is so much discouragement in the news, in what is happening around us. I continually bring my mind back to the promises of God, to the testimonies of His faithfulness.  That is what brings me life and hope.

In the stress of this past week and feeling overwhelmed and weak I sat and poured my heart out to the Lord.  The thing that kept coming to me is that the promises of God haven't changed or wavered.  They are the solid Rock upon which I stand.  They are what I hold onto.  They are what I claim as I move into this new year.

"Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus!"  Hebrews 3:1

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."  Philippians 4:8

I am leaning on those wonderful everlasting arms as I move into the new year.  God has faithfully carried me on our unexpected journey all these years - and I'm trusting Him to continue as I journey alone.  His strength and grace is absolutely limitless.  I can rely on Him to keep me from falling as I lean into Him.

"I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38,39

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8 

"Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job.  Instead, be glad that you are in the thick of what Christ experienced.  This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner."  1 Peter 4:12,13  The Message

I'm so grateful for God's goodness and faithfulness - His steadfastness!

Faith Isn't Born in a Day

I wish you a blessed, happy New Year!  I sent a greeting to some friends and family - "Our hope is not in the new year, but in the One who makes all things new."  That is my hope, prayer, belief, and firm foundation that I'm standing on as I move into 2022.  My hope is in Him.

December was quite the month!  I was doing my best to enter into the season and celebrate all that it means.  I was continuing to grieve the loss of my dear husband.  I was having to pay daily attention to the treatment for my ongoing cancer battle.  I was doing my best to be careful with Covid Omicron raging all around.  And my home was threatened by 2 fires.  It was definitely a dramatic closure to 2021!  

As I processed my heart during this time, a family member mentioned that it was hard to close out the last year that Floyd was in.  It seems that every direction I look, I see things to "miss" about him.  I'm sure that will keep happening for a while.  One day when I was feeling particularly sad, the Lord reminded me of the verse "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."  Jesus understands my sorrow.  That brought strength to my heart.  

Grieving is an unusual thing.  It hasn't been like I thought it would be, but God has been walking with me through the grief.  I think for a long time I was just needing to survive and endure all that was happening.  Now that Floyd is gone and I no longer need to care for him, I think my heart and emotions are fully feeling the grief and loss. 

I am truly hoping that 2022 will be a turning point into a better direction!  Someone in our family said we have 365 new mercies we can count on in this new year.  I like that!  His mercies are new every morning.

Some days I feel weary, and feel like I can't handle much more.....but I'm grateful to know that God will never give us more than we can bear.  Jesus is right with me, and is helping me day by day.  I stand on and rest in His faithfulness.  He has been with me each step of our long unexpected journey, and He hasn't gone on vacation.  I am continuing to  hold tight to His hand.

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!"  Psalm 27:14

"He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him."  Psalm 91:15

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."  1 Corinthians 10:13

"Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

I am so very grateful for the strong foundation of the Word that assures me/us that He will be with us for everything we face!  Those verses are lifelines when the storm rages around us.

In one of my times with the Lord this week, I was reflecting on a verse in Genesis 22:8 about Abraham where he said to Isaac "My son, God will provide for Himself the lamb."

I stopped to think about what faith it took for Abraham to say that.  God asked him to sacrifice his son on the altar.  He moved forward in obedience, and yet he knew God was going to provide a sacrifice.  Faith like that of Abraham isn't born in a day.  It was the result of years of walking with God and seeing His faithfulness.  He had a firm foundation in his relationship with God in order to believe God would provide that day.

It reminded me of a book I read about 3 years ago in the midst of our unexpected journey.  A friend gave it to me, and I felt drawn immediately to read it.  I actually read it more than once.  Anonymous - Jesus' hidden years and yours by Alicia Britt Chole.  It probably impacted me more than any other book I read on our journey.

The message of the book is that God took the first 30 years of Jesus' life to prepare His Son for the 3 years of active ministry.  The 30 years weren't wasted. They weren't a time of just hanging in limbo waiting.  They were crucial preparation for what was to come. "The decisions we make in difficult places today are greatly the product of decisions we made in the unseen places of our yesterdays."

Reading the book prompted me to look back over my life before the years on our unexpected journey.  I could see time and time again how God had taught me, guided me, and prepared me for what I was walking through.  He didn't just throw me into the deep end.  Lesson by lesson He taught me to swim - first in shallow water, then in deep water, and then in stormy, treacherous waters.  He was so faithful!  "Trials do not prepare us for what's to come as much as they reveal what we've done with our lives up to this point." 

I have had a newfound gratefulness for God's faithfulness.  He took the first 68 years of my life to get me ready for the hardest thing I'd ever walk through.  I couldn't have made it without that preparation.  Lessons that began all the way back to my childhood helped prepare me for what I've walked through, and am still walking through, on our journey.  How good God is!!

"The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness."  2 Peter 3:9

"But as for me, I will look to the Lord.  I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

"The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him."  Lamentations 3:25

"If God's presence has led us into trying places, is there really any other place we would rather be?"   When I face a new hard time, I try to remember this - I'm just where He's allowed me to be.  And I can trust His goodness and faithfulness in knowing He has prepared me for where I am.  Oh how grateful I am for that!