My journey with Floyd's illness continues to be a constant learning experience. I've gone through seasons in my life when I've asked the Lord to expand my capacity - spiritually, emotionally, the ability to handle stress, even physically. I remember as a young wife, being married to Floyd (who is such a visionary!), and thinking to myself - "I can't keep up with him!" I asked the Lord to stretch me, to help me grow. I didn't want to just trail along behind him. I wanted to be by his side, a true "helpmate," to see those visions become a reality.
The Lord has answered that prayer many times through the years. He has expanded my capacity. There were times when I could almost physically feel it happening. There were also times when I thought I was crazy to have prayed that prayer!!
But through it all, God has been faithful to answer my prayer. The things I now live with as the "norm" would have probably "wiped out" the young, 18 year old woman I was when we married. I didn't even know I could be stretched so much! But God has done it.
I don't remember praying that prayer asking the Lord to stretch me recently :) But He's sure doing that on this journey! There have been days when I've felt like a puddle on the floor from the weights, the sadness, the tears I've cried. And then I feel the Lord picking me up, putting His strengthening hand on my back, and saying "you'll make it."
And He's right - with His help, I'm making it. This past Tuesday marks 21 weeks on this journey! God has helped me day by day, moment by moment. He's my rock! He has been so faithful.
Someone said to me - "what we go through is to bless others." That got me thinking. It's hard to imagine a time like this blessing others, but God, in His goodness, can do that. I immediately think of all the prayers being prayed - what an unleashing of blessing that is into the world!! God is linking our hearts together through all the prayers. God is doing something in aligning His Body with the purposes on His heart. God is stretching our capacity to trust Him for more! He is bringing blessing through this season!
Maybe that should be one of our prayers: "God help us to bless others through what we are walking through." May the prayers being lifted up pour out blessings of His love, saving grace, healing, compassion, and goodness into the hearts and lives of those around us.
God is doing something in all our hearts through the prayers being lifted up for Floyd. He's stretching us, and He is wanting us to "bless others." May He help us do that!
"I will bless you......and you will be a blessing." Genesis 12:2
This week Floyd has been a little more alert each day but on Wednesday we had a very different day! His eyes were the clearest, most focused I've seen them since this all started. He was very engaged, listening carefully, hearing, understanding, and taking in every sound. He was very tender, some tears in his eyes.
He tried repeatedly to pull himself up with great effort. I supported his back, but didn't help him. He was quite strong, and lifted himself farther than he has before. He finally wore himself out and went to sleep. I was very encouraged, and had renewed hope seeing him this way!
I’ve felt all through these months of prayer that God is wanting to do something more than just heal Floyd. I’ve asked for prayer for the Body to come into alignment with God’s heart and purposes. I’m sure there are other things happening in the spiritual realm that I don’t even know about. But – we can’t stop praying for all the things God is doing through this season of focused prayer.
We’ve fought quite a few battles in prayer in the last few months. I think we’ve done everything we know to do in spiritual warfare. In Ephesians 6:13 it tells us “having done all else, stand.” Through our prayers, we are “standing” on His promises, goodness, and faithfulness as we continue to lift our petitions to Him on Floyd’s behalf and for all of God’s purposes to be fulfilled.
When I am resting I have to keep my mind occupied otherwise I just go over and over all that has happened. So I try to immerse myself in a good book! I've been reading a novel about a coffee house in Kabul, Afghanistan. It's been fun because I recognize every place that is mentioned (Chicken Street!), and so many of the words and phrases are familiar. It's brought back lots of good memories of our years there......so long ago! It's also made me think how grateful I am for the wonderful life we've had in serving the Lord! I never dreamed when I told Floyd on our wedding day that "I'd go where he went" that he would take me all over the world! :) God has given us a wonderful life.
Only He knows what is still ahead! I trust Him, and I know He will continue to faithfully be with us.