Trusting Jesus

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This week Floyd has had good days and bad days as he continues to fight this chest infection.  Hopefully he is getting to the end of it now.  His therapists worked to custom make a splint for his immobile right wrist.  Without movement, it has been turning inward. This new splint will help correct that.  His new, specialized wheelchair arrived this week too, so he was able to be out of bed sitting up in a chair again.  I know that must feel so good to him.

"And I'll keep on carrying you when you're old.  I'll be there, bearing you when you're old and gray.  I've done it and will keep doing it, carrying you on my back, saving you."  Isaiah 46:4  The Message

Floyd has beautiful gray hair.  And he's getting old.  I'm grateful the Lord is with him, carrying him!  What a comfort to know He doesn't abandon us......never!

Floyd listened intently to things being shared by one of the carers this week and to the worship music.  He very purposely moved his left arm in a way he never has.  That was encouraging.  We celebrate every small improvement we see. :)

One friend encouraged me in perseverance.  "That's what it comes down to - our firm and unshakable resolve to keep interceding for Floyd until the answer comes.  Until those golden bowls of prayer are full and are poured out over Floyd.  Perseverance in the face of contrary indications, of doctors who don't see reasonable prospects, of those who are complacent, or in the drag of repetition/tiredness/unbelief!  We persevere like the old heroes of the faith - "not seeing the outcome, but welcoming it from a distance."  Hebrews 11:13

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial."  James 1:12

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

Until the Lord brings things to a conclusion - we persevere in faith and prayer.  And we keep trusting Him!

On Thursday I was playing some worship for Floyd from a YWAM gathering in Kansas City last week.  Our "roots" are in YWAM. We went on our first outreach in 1965.  I joined full time in 1966, and we led our first team together just 3 days after we got married in 1967. We worked with YWAM in various parts of the world until the beginning of 2000.

YWAM will always be part of who we are.  We're so grateful for all we learned during those years.  Our hearts are forever linked.  So it was very special to me when there was prayer for Floyd at the gathering last week.  

As I played the worship music, I lifted my hand several times.  Because of his weakened condition, Floyd's left hand/arm has been very still and quiet recently.  His arm hadn't moved at all, but then he watched me raising my hand and started trying to move his arm.  I wish you could have seen him.  He worked so hard!  It wasn't easy.  His arm was shaking terribly from the effort.  And slowly, very slowly, he raised his arm into the air - then again and again.  It felt like a "sacrifice of praise."  I think the Lord would have been pleased.

As I watched Floyd respond, I kept thinking of the life we've had together serving the Lord.  Good times - hard times, but all of it such a wonderful treasure of walking through all these years together in serving Jesus.  We are so blessed and rich in Him.  It was a joy to worship the Lord with Floyd.  I've missed times like that.

"Worship the Lord your God; it is He who will deliver you."  2 Kings 17:39

"Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.  Worship the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful songs.  Know that the Lord is God.  It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, the sheep of His pasture.  Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name.  For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations."  Psalm 100

How very good and faithful He is!  I'm so glad Floyd and I could worship Him together.

As time goes on, and my strength is less……..I find it hard when I face a new situation that seems overwhelming, or heavy, or sad, or just plain impossible.  I find the emotional impact on my heart is harder and harder as time goes on.

A few days ago I faced one of these situations.  My heart felt like lead.  The emotional impact of what happened felt like a storm battering my soul.  For a few minutes I just felt I was drowning in the weight of all this over these months.

I sat crying out to the Lord.  I so clearly heard Him speak to me – “Just trust me.  Speak out your trust in me.”

So I did – I sat quietly, with tears running down my face, and told the Lord I trusted Him.  I was honest.  I told Him I didn’t understand.  I told Him it was too big for me.  I told Him I loved Him and I trusted Him…….but I couldn’t make it if He didn’t intervene.

I can’t explain it, but as I sat there telling the Lord all this…….the heaviness and weight lifted.  He truly took it from my heart!  The situation didn’t change, but the weight in my spirit was gone. 

After talking with Him a little longer, I dried my tears, and continued on with what I needed to do.

I have continued to do this as various things have come up, and He lifts the burden each time.  I’ve done this before – I’ve told Him that I trust Him from day one of this journey, but something new has happened.  He has stepped in in an even greater way to carry the burden and help me keep going.  Maybe in the past I’ve waited for things to build up and get heavy…….now I just speak out my love and trust to Him continually.

"How enriched are they who find their strength in the Lord; within their hearts are the highways of holiness!  Even when their path winds through the dark valley of tears, they dig deep to find a pleasant pool where others only find pain.  He gives them pools of blessing filled from the rain of an outpouring.  They grow stronger and stronger with each step forward until they find their strength in You, and the God of all gods will appear before them in Zion." Psalm 84:5 – 7 The Passion Translation

He is helping me find strength in greater measures as my weariness grows.  He is bringing the refreshment I need from His deep wells.  I am grateful for the water of refreshment He is bringing to my soul.

Once again, He's shown Himself so very faithful!