I have continued to be radically impacted by the last round of chemo. Even though it’s slowly getting better there are still certain side effects that just won’t go away. The doctor thinks my body's immune system is so low that it's just not able to fight. I'm working to build myself up again.
While doing my exercise walking this week, I was thanking the Lord for how faithful He's been. The last few weeks of recovery have been so very, very hard. I've been "dismayed" at times. But God has stayed close and helped me through them. I am so grateful that He's held my hand, and for the prayers of those around the world that are ‘carrying’ me!
I'v been blessed by many encouraging messages I've received about my "strength." But I have to tell you that I feel so incredibly weak. I read the messages, and wonder who they are talking about. :) I don't feel strong. But I know the Word tells us that "His power will be made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9. I trust and pray for that when I feel so very weak.
In the midst of these difficult times - when I feel so weak – the Lord has taught me to remind myself of who He is, and to call to mind the promises in His word. I remind myself that He is my refuge! And I continually speak out "I trust you Lord." There is power in that, and it blocks the way for the enemy to get in. The power of those simple words dispels darkness and heaviness.
If I'm too weak and I can't say it out loud, I just whisper it or even think it in my mind. "I trust you Lord. I trust you Lord." I say it repeatedly. I've found it to be a powerful spiritual "tool" that the Lord has placed in my hands to get through hard days.
One of His promises is that He'll never give us "too" much - never more than we can bear. I remind Him of that, and tell Him I know I can trust Him in that promise. It's a wonderful reassurance to me.
"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." Deuteronomy 33:27
"For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; He enables me to stand on the heights." 2 Samuel 22:32-34
"Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me." Psalm 54:4
"He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:7-8
"But the Lord has become my fortress, and my God the rock in whom I take refuge." Psalm 94:22
The Word is filled to the brim with promises of His goodness and faithfulness. He never leaves us - He continually holds our right hand - we are safe in His shadow. I know I'm weak, but I also know He is strong and will help me!
Floyd is doing good. He seems to be hanging steady. The most often reported thing from all the carers is that he smiles a lot, and that there is a sense of peace in his room. That always warms my heart to hear.
He had a very special visit with a long term friend from the U.S. who came in for just a few days. He and Floyd had a sweet time of reminiscing and sharing. It was so lovely that he could come see Floyd.
One of the nurses told the carers recently that she had a clear dream about Floyd. He was wearing a suit and holding a Bible. She thought it was a sign that he is going to get well, and wanted to tell us to keep praying. If it's a sign or not, I don't know. But it did warm my heart to hear how much the staff at the hospital love and care for Floyd......and even dream about him. :) I'm so grateful for this blessing.
We're still in winter here in South Africa. I was looking out at the mountains recently, and saw huge sections of bright yellow flowers - in the midst of the rain and cold of winter! It reminded me that there is beauty in every season! Sometimes we have to look a little harder to see it, open our eyes to see it, but it's there. I love that about how God does things.
"To every thing there is a season....He hath made everything beautiful in His time..." Ecclesiastes 3
"But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind." Job 12:7-10
"Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy." Psalm 96: 11 & 12
"The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of His unfailing love." Psalm 33:5
Thank you, Lord, for surrounding us with your beauty, with testimonies to your awesome power and faithfulness, and with reminders of how much you love and care for us.