Rooted in Him
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I send video messages to Floyd since I am not able to go and see him. One of the things I miss about not seeing him is being able to "gauge" for myself how he's doing. Although he can't speak, he has many ways of communicating. Over time I've learned to understand his responses. This week I was sharing some big news with him. I asked the therapist to let me know how he responded. She described very clearly what his facial expressions, movements, and sounds were. It was so helpful. I knew exactly what he was "saying," and, even more, I knew he was understanding my messages. It was really encouraging to my heart.
I've mentioned before that some intense and stressful things have been happening in recent weeks for me. My heart has been heavy for our family and for several close friends. I have prayed and prayed and prayed - and there have been some sweet, specific answers to prayer. I am so grateful! The last few days I have been resting and recovering as I was quite weary from everything. Probably because I'm tired, I was also missing Floyd more than normal.
Two years ago for my 70th birthday, I went through 7 tubs!!! of photos in our storage. We always planned to organize them "some day," but that day never came. As a birthday gift to myself, I went through the tubs and selected photos to put together an album of "through the years" of memories. It was fun, but it took me about a week to go through all the tubs.
I also found stacks and stacks of letters that we had written to each other. Floyd lived in Calif. and I was in Texas, so we mainly got to know each other through our letter writing. I would have loved to have taken time to read all those letters!! The one thing I wanted to do was to find the note and letter where Floyd proposed to me.....but I wasn't quite sure where to start with all those stacks. I prayed and just randomly grabbed a small stack.......and there was the letter I wanted. That was very kind of the Lord to direct me!!! I have read it many times since then. I even shared it with my grandkids when they were here at Christmas.
In 1966 Floyd and I were part of a YWAM outreach to the Caribbean islands. To train and prepare, we were all together at a Boy Scout camp in Jamaica. There was no dating, of course, but we did sit together in the meetings. I was remaining in Jamaica for the summer, and Floyd was going to the Leeward and Windward Islands. Shortly before the teams were sent out, Floyd proposed to me. It wasn't the most romantic setting, although he says it was under the beautiful Jamaican moon. We were standing in line after the evening meeting to get a cool drink before we went to our tents for the night. He handed me a note that said "I love you - will you marry me?" I was so shocked that I turned around and walked off!! But he gave me a letter too. The letter was much sweeter and more specific. That's the letter I found in the photo tubs. The next morning at breakfast, just so you know, I handed him a note and a letter. My note said "I love you too - yes!"
A sweet little aside to this story - there's no dating in YWAM, but Darlene Cunningham saw the friendship between Floyd and me. She assigned me to do the food shopping, and asked Floyd to be my driver. :) It gave us a chance to spend some time together! Floyd and I talked many times through the years of how special and thoughtful that was.
This week as I was missing Floyd, I got that proposal letter out and read it again. It started a wave of memories of our life through the years. We were so young when we married (18 and 21). We had lots of energy, about a "thimbleful" of wisdom, and tremendous zeal. We wanted to share Jesus with the world! We were willing to lay down our lives for Him. We were willing to go anywhere to serve Him. We knew there were many adventures in store for us.
As these waves of memories flooded my mind, tears came to my eyes in worship to the Lord! We had so little to offer Him in our youthful zeal, and yet He used us. I thought back to events in our lives when we saw miracles, breakthroughs, and many come to know Jesus. Looking back, I'm not even quite sure how it all happened except for the goodness and power of the Lord. He showed up time and time again, and His Spirit moved in remarkable ways. I worshipped my way through 53 years of our married life. God has been so good to us!
God spoke so clearly to me after all this that He is still working in our lives. It's sometimes hard to see that. Some days I feel so weak and weary, but thinking back over all that has happened through our lives......it's wasn't dependent on me, on us in our life together......it's because of who God is. We bring our 5 loaves and 2 fish to Him and He uses them for His honor and glory. I believe He is still working in our lives on this unexpected journey, even if I don't understand it all.
I felt very clearly to say this same thing to anyone who is reading this. God wants to use YOU! You may feel weak and weary like me. You may feel that things in your life are out of control. You may feel that you have little to offer. You may feel that you've failed Him in the past. You may be discouraged by things that are happening in our world. You may be without hope. But God is alive IN you, and He wants to work in and through you. Just offer up your loaves and fish and let Him be God in your life!
" 'Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?' - Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. - 'Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.' So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten." John 6:9,11,12,13
" ' My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:29
"I can do all this through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
The memories of how God has been with us all these years was a refreshing balm to my heart this week. I'm so grateful!
All through my life, through my walk with the Lord, one of my goals has been to be rooted in the Lord. On good days, on hard days, through trials, through sickness, through disappointments - I've always known that my "salvation" was to be deeply rooted and grounded in the Lord. There have been lots of ups and downs over the years - that's life. But the thing that has carried me through everything is knowing and trusting God, and staying close to Him.
I remember two times when things happened that were so hard. I complained to Floyd that it "just wasn't fair." I can see in my mind's eye very clearly one of the conversations. Floyd listened, and said he tended to agree with me - but "fairness" wasn't the issue. We had to deal with the situation, and the only way we could survive it all was to keep our eyes on the Lord, and our hearts turned to Him.
In a recent "hard time" I kept thinking about how grateful I was that my roots are in Him. Right at that time a friend sent me a short video clip. I don't know the source. There's a lady speaking, and it looks like it might be a Caribbean island. She references Hurricane Irma from 2017 - a powerful category 5 hurricane that struck a number of Caribbean islands and then Florida on the US mainland.
She is showing a large palm tree that was struck down by the hurricane. It looks dead - until you look all the way to what would have been the top of the tree, and you see green branches! Amazingly, there is still life in that struck down tree! Then she shows that although most of the roots are pulled up, there are still a few that remain "rooted." It's a powerful illustration!
Through whatever trial and hardship we may go through, if we have roots in Him - there can still be life and hope. It doesn't matter if we've been struck down. It doesn't matter if it looks like we're lifeless. It doesn't matter if it even looks hopeless. If we have our roots in Him, He can still bring life through us!! It's His power being made strong in our weakness.
"Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught." Colossians 2:7
"Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:7,8
"For there is hope for a tree, when it is cut down, that it will sprout again, and its shoots will not fail. Though its roots grow old in the ground and its stump dies in the dry soil, at the scent of water it will flourish and put forth sprigs like a plant." Job 14:7-9
"And when the sun rose, it was scorched, and since it had no root, it withered away." Mark 4:6
"But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes....they quickly fall away." Mark 4:17
Some days I feel struck down like that tall palm tree. But because my roots are in Him, He allows life and hope to stay alive! How good and faithful He is!