A Tender Year
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Recently someone did something that was hurtful to me. My first inclination was to react and be upset. It seemed unwarranted, unfair. I calmed down and spent time talking to the Lord about it. I began to wonder what had prompted the person to act the way they had. I began to pray for the person......and was able to extend forgiveness. I felt like the Lord helped me to respond rather than react. As I went through this process, my heart was healed and the hurt was lifted. I asked the Lord to fill my heart with compassion.
A sentence I read caught my attention. "Ground that is filled with roots of bitterness needs to be plowed by the grace of God." It was a good opportunity to ask the Lord to protect my heart from any bitter roots. They can sometimes grow without our being aware of them!
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18
"But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Matthew 5:44
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37
I have been forgiven much by friends, loved ones, and especially by the Lord. Walking through this experience was a good lesson for me to remember to extend that same forgiveness. I'm grateful for the reminder.
This Sunday, May 29, will mark one year since Floyd went to be with Jesus. In many ways the year has flown by - but on another level all the "firsts" have been very tender......more so than I anticipated.
As I've mentioned before, I had already grieved so much and so deeply during Floyd's 5+ years of laying in silence in a hospital bed. So the "final grief" caught me off guard. I hadn't anticipated it. I didn't realize that it would hit so hard and be very different from how I'd already grieved. But, whether I knew it was coming or not, it came!
It's been a tender year. While Floyd was in the hospital, I always went to be with him on the "special" days. I talked with him, shared memories, took photos, and prayed with him. This year as I walked through all the special days alone, I sensed the Lord pouring His healing balm into my heart. I have missed Floyd intensely, but I've also sensed the Lord's presence very intensely. He has been very close, wrapping me in His love as I grieved. This year has helped to bring a measure of closure to my heart after our 54 years together. I'm very grateful for that.
As I come to this one year mark, I'm trusting that I'm turning a corner. I don't know what that would mean, what it would look like. I certainly don't know what's ahead. But I sense there could be a new season ahead. I'm grateful that the Lord will hold my hand as I face whatever the future holds.
All Nations International honored this one year mark with a special tribute to Floyd. Some family members and friends have written sharing memories and things they appreciated about Floyd. Click here to go there
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
"Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows." Isaiah 53:4
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4
"He heals the brokenhearted." Psalm 147:3
I am grateful to all those who have walked with me through this "first year." For their prayers, love, notes, gifts - their healing words have all ministered so deeply to me. I'm so very grateful to the Lord for never leaving my side. I'm glad I didn't have to walk through this alone.