Carried
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During this week 8 years ago, my world was turned upside down. I went to the doctor for a small matter expecting to be given a prescription for some pills to take. Instead I received some shocking news. I had an 8.5 pound (3.85 kilos) tumor - the same size as my first child at birth. The news was unbelievable. Tests were hurried along. Surgery was scheduled. And the results were that it was malignant - I had ovarian cancer. It was a nightmare. I didn't realize it at the time, but our unexpected journey had begun!
My first oncologist was efficient in her care, but not very hopeful. She explained that most of her ovarian cancer patients were gone within 2 years. She had one lady that made it to 5 years, but that was rare. A few weeks after surgery, I began a course of chemo treatment.
Meanwhile, we rallied people to pray for me, and I began my own research into other treatments that might be helpful. Over the coming years I had 8 surgeries, 4 types of chemo treatment, and I worked with an Integrated Functional Medicine specialist who incorporated herbal medicines, massage therapy, and reflexology for my numb feet into my treatment regimen.
To say it's been a journey is an understatement. In looking back, I'm not sure how I survived except for God's wonderful grace. My second oncologist who is much more positive and hopeful calls it a miracle that I'm still alive. She says that having hope and being involved in one's own treatment makes all the difference in the outcome. I tell her about all the prayers that have been lifted up on my behalf. She knows and understands too about Floyd's part of the journey in being ill for over 5 years. She acknowledges that it's extremely rare to have survived all that has happened. In spite of the fact that I am still battling cancer, she says I'm doing remarkably well.
God has certainly "carried" me through all these years. I am beyond grateful, and give Him all the glory for still being alive to write you about this today. Even though I still have cancer, in many ways He has "healed" me. Many prayers have been answered. God has been so, so good to me!
"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26
"He gives power to the faint, and to him who has not might He increases strength." Isaiah 40:29
"He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows those who take refuge in Him." Nahum 1:7
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
"They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
I have come close to "fainting" - not surviving, on several occasions. But God has truly sustained me. I'm so grateful!
During these years of battling cancer, there were so many times when I needed the Lord's help and presence. When I was first diagnosed with cancer and had surgery and chemo, Floyd was with me to help, encourage, and support me. Then he got sick. For the rest of my surgeries and chemo treatments, I was on my own. Thankfully, I had my son who moved here to help us when his dad became sick and many dear friends who cared for and supported me. I am so grateful for all their love and care.
But there were still many times when I felt alone. I knew the truth of the Word that God was with me, but I couldn't always "feel" His presence. Time and time again I called out to the Lord, and in His tender mercy and grace - He came in His power and overwhelmed me with an awareness of His presence. I don't know quite how to describe it, but it was a tangible awareness of Him being right here with me. I "felt" Him! I knew He was caring for me.
The truth is that He's with us whether we feel it or not, but I've been grateful for those times when I could feel His presence. At other times I cling tight to the promise that He's with me.
I have a family member who quite often sees angels. I've never seen one (that I know of!) - but I believe that angels are watching over me in many situations too.
Whether we see or feel these things, we can rest assured that God is with us as we walk through the difficult things in life. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. That is the rock on which we stand firmly when we go through the trials of life.
"When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, 'Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.' " Genesis 28:16
"And He said, 'My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.' " Exodus 33:14
"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy." Psalm 16:11
"I will never leave you nor forsake you." Hebrews 13:5
"Where shall I go from your spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?" Psalm 139:7
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me." Psalm 23:4
"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16
God is closer than the air we breathe. We can't see the air around us, but it's there. We can't always feel God's presence with us, but He's there! May God help us to be aware of His constant abiding presence right with us. When we fully understand that He is WITH us, we can face anything. He is so good!