He Has Been With Me
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A book I was reading recently said that one of the ways to increase our faith as we pray is to thank the Lord for past answers to prayer. This led to a special time of reflection for me in doing just that. My list is long, but here are a few highlights from recent years that I'm grateful for:
- During the same time that Floyd was sick and hospitalized, I was battling cancer with surgeries and chemo treatments. Meanwhile, I was overseeing and organizing all his care. Looking back, I honestly don't know how I managed all that! There is no explanation except that God carried me and sustained me. He must have had angels working overtime to help me.
- I was reading back over some of my notes from the early months of Floyd's care. After his initial 6 weeks in ICU and a further 3 weeks in the hospital ward, I needed to find a longer term facility to move him to. A friend helped me with researching options. It was overwhelming. There was a long list of criteria for his care, and almost none could provide all of them. It was a HUGE answer to prayer when we found the hospital where he eventually ended up.
- When we moved Floyd there, I didn't understand that they had a time limit for how long he could stay (only 6 weeks). I appealed to them to allow him to stay longer. The end result was that they not only allowed him to stay, but they changed their mission statement to include patients like Floyd who needed long term care. I always said that Floyd would love the fact that even in his illness he was "pioneering" something new!
- The hospital couldn't have been more perfect. The nurses lovingly cared for him - singing to him, praying for him, and even sometimes competing for who would be on the schedule to care for him. It brought such peace to my heart to know he was well cared for.
- There were gaps of time when I couldn't go to Floyd because of the treatment I was undergoing. I am so, so grateful for the "Care Team" who faithfully went to spend time with him.
- I am so thankful for all the intercessors who prayed for Floyd and for me. I don't think we would have made it without those prayers lifting "our weary arms." If it was only a matter of prayer, Floyd would have certainly been healed. One friend commented that he didn't think any one person had ever been prayed for so much.
- I'm grateful that all of Floyd's (and my) medical bills were paid. When the insurance (medical aid) dropped Floyd's care, I was tempted to panic. I didn't know how in the world I would be able to cover all the bills. I remember crying out to the Lord one day, and hearing Him tenderly speak to my heart that Floyd had served him all his life and He wasn't going to abandon him in this season of life. I’m so grateful to everyone who gave so lovingly and generously towards Floyd's care. Those gifts lifted a heavy weight from my shoulders.
- I can't help but thank the Lord for the peace that enveloped Floyd in his hospital room. It's hard to even imagine what it was like for Floyd to be trapped in his condition. But there was a peace and sense of God's presence with him that was almost tangible. Even the hospital staff commented on it.
- There were several occasions when I almost didn't make it through all the treatment I was going through. I remember one time in particular, I was so weak that I could hardly speak to pray. This was another time when God so tenderly spoke to me. He reminded me that I was in His hands.....my "time" was in His hands. I could relax and trust Him. It brought such peace and assurance to my heart.
- While this was all taking place, quite a few of our extended family were going through severe trials. I didn't share these because they weren't my story to tell, but there were times when it felt like our whole family was under assault. Thankfully, God graciously brought us all through these times.
- I am fairly frequently asked if I understand what happened to Floyd - why he got sick, why didn't God heal him, why did he suffer for so long. I don't have the answers to those questions. I've had a few "inklings" about some of it, but I don't even know if those are right. We'll have to wait until heaven to fully understand. But I do have to say that God gave me special grace to not worry about those questions. I was able to trust Him, and put Floyd into His loving care. I know that was an answer to prayer because I'm usually one who wants to understand things!!
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
"Without faith it is impossible to please God.....and He rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6
"Truly God has listened; He has attended to the voice of my prayer." Psalm 66:19
"I will give you thanks, for you answered me." Psalm 118:21
"I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy." Psalm 116:1
This list is literally just the tip of the iceberg of wonderful answers to prayer that I've seen - both in recent years and throughout my life. The list is LONG! Wonderfully long.
This time of thanking the Lord for His answers throughout my life has built my faith to cope with my news this week that my cancerous tumor has grown. The doctor’s concern now is that the growth will negatively impact the surrounding organs. Needless to say, I'm praying for the tumor to shrink.
I’ve been praying for a healing miracle from the cancer for 8 years. I’ve seen answers to prayer over that time, but I still have cancer. It hasn’t gone away. As I reflected on this most recent disappointing news, I realized that actually nothing has changed. I’m still going to do everything I can in self care to strive for healing – and I’m going to continue to trust God who has carried me and sustained me over all this time! I have more information – but I’m going to continue in the same way I’ve been walking. In short, I’m choosing to persevere! With God’s help, I’ll keep going.
I may be healed – or I may not. I may live 1 more day – or 10 more years. It’s in God’s hands. I’ll keep asking for the miracle, the answer to prayer - like the widow in the Bible who kept persistently asking the judge for justice against her adversary. I trust God’s sovereignty over my life come what may. I’m in His hands – but I’ll keep asking!
God has been with me in all I’ve gone through. He’s been with me even when it’s seemed He was silent. He’s been with me when it seemed as if He was roaring like Aslan to keep evil forces at bay. He’s been with me in tender quiet whispers. He’s been with me in singing over me. He’s been with me as He lovingly guided me in hundreds of decisions. He’s been with me in strength when I felt so incredibly weak. He’s been with me in my tears as I mourned the loss of my gentle giant. The point that is so very clear to me right now, today is that He has been WITH me…..and He will continue to be come what may. Why would I want to go any other way than on the way where He is with me?! I trust His way.
“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” Matthew 6:34 The Message
“We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul – not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy.” Colossians 1:11 The Message
"All who listen to me shall live in peace and safety, unafraid." Proverbs 1:33 TLB
"Rejoice in the Lord always...Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7
I'm thanking Him for all He's done, and I'm bringing my requests to Him. I'm grateful for the peace He gives (beyond understanding) as I walk through stressful times. I have moments of anxiety, but as I turn to Him and share my troubled heart - He always brings me back to a place of peace. He is faithful!