Recently on one of our cold, gray, rainy winter days I decided to sort through some files and papers. My energy was lagging, so I needed to do something that didn't require a lot of energy.
I came across the file of all the messages I received when Floyd passed away. I had read them all at the time, but, of course, it was a very busy time so I had read them rather quickly. I decided to read them all again - slowly this time.
As might be expected, there were lots of tears. But there was also much joy and gratitude for all that was expressed. There were stories of Floyd's impact in different ways in people's lives that I didn't know about. The outpouring of love and appreciation impacted my heart deeply - it was like a fresh wave of healing to my heart as I read all the consoling messages.
I'm so grateful for all those messages from when Floyd passed away! And it reminded me again of all the wonderful people the Lord has allowed us to cross paths with. I again "savored" each one - as I wrote about in my last post.
I have missed Floyd so much during this last treatment and post treatment side effects. It has been a rough time. My mind went back to how loving and supportive he was during my very first diagnosis and treatment of cancer. I wish he could have been with me in this recent time. But - because he wasn't, it pushed me in closer to the Father's heart of love and care again. And that is a precious gift. I'm so grateful I'm never alone. The Lord is with me 24/7! In this difficult time I have sensed His tender love and care.
"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:13,14
"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." James 4:8
"May your unfailing love be my comfort." Psalm 119:76
"In Him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28
Wonderful people and a loving, faithful God - what more could I ask for?!!
Another beautiful encouragement I had was from, George Verwer, founder of Operation Mobilization and dear friend. He passed away recently. He had often written encouraging messages to me during Floyd's illness. He actually wrote me a letter a couple weeks before he passed away. Mail is slow here (if we get it at all), and I only got his letter this past week. It blessed me that he was thinking of me in his last days - and, as always, it was a letter of encouragement.
He enclosed a booklet entitled "Failure, the Back Door to Success." * In it he shared very vulnerably of how some failures in his life taught him lessons that went on to lead to successes. I could completely relate to what he shared. I thought back to some difficult times in our lives, some "failures," and how God used them to shape our character and mature us in our leadership. There were definitely successes that came in the years ahead from those painful lessons.
In fact, I thought about how some lessons I learned during difficult times prepared me for the last 9 years. I don't know if I'd have made it through this time if I hadn't learned those lessons. I didn't particularly like it when I was going through the difficult times and learning the lessons - but I am so, so grateful that I had those lessons "under my belt" to help me in the challenges of these recent years. God knew I would need those lessons and graciously took me through the hard times to learn them.
None of us like going through hard times!! We feel the pain and disappointment of our "failures." We want God to "fix" the problem, not teach us lessons. But we don't see how God is using those hard times to stretch us, teach us, and build new foundations in our lives. All these years later I am so grateful that God prepared me for what Floyd and I have gone through in these recent years.
I've mentioned it before, but Paul Billheimer's book "Don't Waste Your Sorrows" is a profound teaching on this topic. It's a Godly perspective on going through difficulties. I highly recommend it.
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8,9
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12,13
I don't like failures - whether it's when I'm cooking or in leadership. Failure is disappointing and hard. But I'm grateful that God can take the failures, teach us lessons, and use it to bring success in the future. He has done that time and time again for us.
* "Failure, the Back Door to Success" is taken from George Verwer's book "Drops from a Leaking Tap."