So Much Bigger

The health challenges I've had recently have been quite draining.  I've been through so many things in recent years, so I know that "this too shall pass."  I'm just looking to the Lord for His help in this process.

This is a special month for me.  Nineteen years ago Floyd and I moved to South Africa.  We weren't "youngins" any more, so this was a big deal!  We prayed and felt this was our final move - we'd live out our life here.  For Floyd - that has certainly happened.  For me - I'm happy and at home here.  Many people thought I'd move back to the US after Floyd passed away.  But this truly is "home" now for me!  This is the longest I've ever lived in one place/country - even growing up.  I left home when I was 18.  I'm very grateful for the Lord's goodness to me here!  South Africa is my forever home now.

As I've been walking through these new, unexpected challenges - someone sent me a piece by Sarah Jakes Roberts, that I'd like to share with you.

"If God always bowed to my will…
if He answered in the exact way I demanded,
in the timing I insisted upon,
according to the limited vision I cling to,
how could He ever be God at all?
How could He ever surprise me with glory,
or overwhelm me with wonders
that I never even knew to ask for?

If He only did what I thought was best,
my life would be painfully small,
hemmed in by my impatience,
confined to the narrow corridors of my understanding.
But He is not bound by my begging,
and He is not shackled by my short-sighted prayers.
He is the God who breaks open the impossible,
the God who writes stories beyond the ink of my imagination,

the God who answers prayers I didn’t even have the courage to whisper.

Sometimes I resent His silence.
Sometimes I mistake His waiting for absence.
Sometimes I cry out, “Why not now, Lord?”
And yet, in the stillness, I feel His hand restraining me, not because He is cruel,
but because He is weaving something greater,
something so far beyond my vision
that if He gave it to me too soon,
I would ruin it with my own unprepared hands.

I don’t just need a God who echoes my wants.
I need a God who exceeds them.
A God who dismantles my plans
only to rebuild something eternal.
A God who loves me too much
to surrender me to the smallness of my own desires.

So I bow, broken but believing.
I release my grip on how I thought it should be.
And I confess with trembling lips:
Lord, if You never did another thing the way I expected, You would still be faithful.
And if You delay until my faith feels stretched thin, You are still good.
For You are the God who does exceedingly, abundantly above all that I could ever ask,
all that I could ever dream,
all that I could even dare to imagine.

And maybe, Your delays are not denials,
but doorways into a glory
that will one day make me fall to my knees,
astonished at how little I asked for,
and how much You gave."

It echoes things in my heart, and expresses them so poignantly.  I thank her for writing it.

God is so much bigger than my thoughts, my desires, my prayers.  He sees the whole picture.  I only see my limited view.  I trust Him.  I trust His goodness.  I trust His faithfulness.  I trust His unfailing love for me.  I trust His infinite wisdom.  I trust His eternal perspective.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:8,9

I trust His sovereignty over everything in my life!