Home Is Where You Hang Your Heart

Floyd's condition continues to go up and down but he has been looking a bit stronger this past week.  Recently a Christian musician/worship leader friend who Floyd has mentored over the years came to visit him.  He played his guitar and sang worship songs.  Floyd listened with rapt attention!  It was very special.

Floyd's dream has been that Africans would take the Gospel to Africa, especially to the unreached.  That was what was on our hearts when we moved to this continent.  We wanted to help make that happen. This week we have a course being led by all Africans - and the class is made of those who are spreading the Gospel all over the continent - some of them in unevangelized areas.  There was a tearful, historic moment when it was pointed out that what is taking place is what was on Floyd's heart.  They took a video to share with Floyd.  I know it will encourage him.

A few days ago I heard this statement.  "Home isn't where you hang your hat - it's where you hang your heart."  It resonated to me.  I so agree with that.  That's how we've lived our lives.

My heart has been at home all over the world with Floyd.  We spent our first five years together living out of a suitcase.  Our first home was in Kabul, Afghanistan.  We had 3 different "homes" there - 4 in Holland - Calif. - Colo. - 2 in Kansas City - 3 in Cape Town.  We've lived in a lot of "places" (you might not always think of them as a "home" - often it was just a small room!).  There have been 14 of them to be exact - but my "home" has always been wherever Floyd is.  The last few years have been hard with him in the hospital and me at our house.  It hasn't been "home" without Floyd.  My heart is in that hospital room!

Growing up in Galveston, Texas I always knew I was going somewhere - but I didn't know where.  I knew God had called me to the world, but the "call" was never to a specific place like I heard some people explain when they talked about how God had called them.  As it turned out, my call was to many places as God led and directed our lives and ministry.....but the main thing is that it was to be by Floyd's side.

I'm still amazed when I think of how God led our lives to cross paths at a YWAM outreach - in Las Vegas, Nevada of all places!  Me from Texas and Floyd from Calif. - meeting at that outreach.  Floyd loved to tell jokes about meeting in Las Vegas!!  Can you hear it?  He took a real "gamble" when he met me!! :)  There are lots of fun details to that whole story of our meeting and falling in love!  

And then there was my Summer of Service in Samoa that Floyd helped sponsor and I didn't know it until we got engaged......and I was actually too young to have even gone on that outreach, but they made an exception for me.  I look back, and I see God's hand so very clearly, in so many ways, on our lives.  He had a wonderful plan for us!  I think much of it was an answer to the prayers of my mother and Floyd's parents.

Seeing this so vividly throughout our lives has helped me know that God has a plan for this season of our lives too.  I don't understand it all, but I have a sweet assurance that God is at work.  His plan for our lives, our destiny, didn't stop when Floyd got sick or when I got cancer.  God is still leading us - with the ultimate destination being in heaven with Him.

I know these years on our unexpected, very unplanned journey, haven't been wasted.  Without that sweet assurance in my heart, it would be easy to despair.  In some ways it seems like an anti-climatic ending to a very dramatic and adventurous life.  But I know God has been at work in this season.  Someday in heaven it will all be clear!  I sense His presence with us, His hand of involvement with us as clearly as I have over our decades of married life together all over the world.  God is still at work!

When "bad things happen to good people" as we often hear quoted - it doesn't mean that God has gone on vacation and left us alone.  HE IS STILL AT WORK in our lives!  He doesn't abandon us.  He doesn't throw up His hands and say "well, I didn't plan on that!"  We live in a fallen world, so bad things do happen......we do get sick....there are accidents.....but God helps us pick up the pieces and keep going.  He continues working to bring good, to bring meaning and purpose into our lives as we walk through the hard times.

In whatever situation we find ourselves, we can be 100% confident that God is at work in our lives to fulfil His plan and destiny for us.  We are in good hands!  He is with us, leading the way.

"Every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything."  Hebrews 3:4

"My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest."  Isaiah 32:18

"As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."  Joshua 24:15

"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures."  Proverbs 24:3,4 

A few days ago, I awoke early and opened the window shades.  To my surprise, because it hadn't been raining, I saw a large, beautiful rainbow as I looked out over the ocean.  I stood there admiring the beauty and thanked the Lord that He has been so faithful to Floyd and me as we've travelled and lived all over the world.  He has helped us have "home" wherever we were - because we were together.  Our heart was wherever we were.  I'm so grateful for that.

I've been reading the manuscript of a book written by a friend of mine.  It's not available yet - it's still in manuscript form.  I was privileged to be able to read it early.  It's her life story.  She and I are similar ages.  She has looked back over her many years of experiences, and drawn from what she's learned.  It's an encouraging narrative.

As I read it, read her journey, one thing kept coming through loud and clear to me.  It's the same thing I've been learning on our journey.  In every situation we face in life, it's so important to keep close to God and learn the lessons He has for us!  

We ALL have "unexpected journeys."  Some of you are probably walking through them right now like I am.  It's part of life.  While we live here on earth, we can't escape them.  But it is possible to miss the richness of what God has for us if we're not careful.  The lessons, the times of character building, the opportunities to choose to trust God, the closeness of fellowship with Him as we press into His grace in our times of need - we can easily miss these precious gifts if we're not careful.

Putting it simply, in our times of difficulty and need we can run TO God - or we can PULL AWAY from Him.  It all depends on the attitude of our hearts.  If we're hurt, disappointed, feeling let down, or angry - we may pull away from Him.  Regardless of what emotion we're experiencing, we need to remember to turn to Him.  His help, grace, strength, and sufficiency will be there as we turn to Him.

As hard as this unexpected journey has been, I wouldn't have wanted to miss the wonderful lessons He has brought into my life through the journey.  He has been exceedingly, abundantly good and faithful!

A few mornings ago I woke up to a melody in my mind with two phrases being repeated over and over.  I don't think it's an actual song - I think it's a personal bit of worship that God put in my heart.

“I just want to praise Him every day and every hour. I just want to praise Him for His goodness and His power.” 

The more I think about it, the more I realize this is such an awesome guideline for our thoughts, our attitude, and our worship.....day by day.  I would love for this to be the focus of my heart every day as I wake up!  God is so good.

"The Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works."  Psalm 145:9

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!"  Psalm 34:8

"The Lord is upright; He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him."  Psalm 92:15

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him."  Nahum 1:7

"Oh how great is Your goodness, which You have laid up for those who fear You, which You have prepared for those who trust in You....You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence."  Psalm 31:19,20

God is with us every day, in every situation we face with His rich mercy, grace, and strength. I couldn't have made it without His goodness. Just as my friend recounted all the lessons God has taught her, I want to keep doing that and giving worship and praise to Him.

Power In The Name Of Jesus

This week two of the lady carers visited with Floyd.  He hadn't seen one of the ladies for a while, and he was visibly moved when he saw her.  She had a word for him that brought tears.  I think the visit was very encouraging to him.  

His condition continues to go up and down.  I have no idea what is ahead, but I keep trusting God's plans and purposes in Floyd's life and in my life on our unexpected journey.  I rest secure in His loving hands.  I pray for strength and grace for both of us.  I look to God to help me!

There are times when I have limited energy to pray.  There are times when I don't know what to pray/how to pray.  One of the things that has helped me in these times is simply to call on His name – Jesus!  I say His name.  I sing His name.  Jesus.  Jesus.  Jesus.  Jesus help me.  Jesus I need you.  Jesus I can't make it alone.  Jesus you are my hope.  

Or I turn it into speaking out His promises.  Jesus you are my strength.  Jesus you are my refuge.  Jesus you never leave me.  Jesus you are my help.  Jesus you are my provider.  Jesus you are my source of wisdom.  Jesus you are my comfort.  Jesus you are my peace.

There is power in the name of Jesus!!

He has walked the road we walk.  He endured the stripes on His back for our healing.  He was mocked and slandered.  He had to battle the lies and temptations of the enemy in the desert.  He felt the pain of a close friend turning on Him.  He knew what it was to be alone when His disciples couldn't stay awake to be with Him.  He wore the horrible crown of thorns, and died a horrendous public death on the cross.  He endured all this - and more - for us......so that we could walk in His provision.

A friend sent me a list of the things that Jesus is to us.  I attach it below.  I've prayed the list, thanking Jesus that He is all those things to me.  I don't even think the list is complete!  Jesus is everything I need.  His help and provision is limitless.  He's available 24/7, 365 days a year.  He never sleeps or slumbers.  He never goes on vacation.  He is simply a whisper away - Jesus!

 I'm so thankful for the powerful name of Jesus.

"Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord."  Philippians 2:9-11

"The seventy-two returned with joy, saying, 'Lord, even the demons are subject to us in your name!' "  Luke 10:17

"And Jesus came and said to them, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.' "  Matthew 28:18

"If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it."  John 14:14

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."  Colossians 3:17

"The men were amazed, and said, 'What kind of a man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?' "  Matthew 8:27 

John Piper has said that "the Greatest Person made the Greatest Sacrifice for the Greatest Gift to the least deserving."  That's you and me!  But Jesus has provided for our every need.  I'm so grateful that I can speak His name when I'm needy, when I'm weak, when I don't know what else to do.  He is there always - and He is so faithful!

Some of the things I've learned on this unexpected journey circle back around again.  I guess it's like that all through our lives.  We think we've learned something - and then it pops its head up again.....sometimes repeatedly.  I've come to understand that it's God's way of taking lessons deeper.  It doesn't mean we've failed when the same issues come up again!  There are just some lessons that He wants to implant deep into our hearts, our lives, our character.  But if He did it all at once, it would overwhelm us.  It would be too much.  So He teaches us a little bit - and then a while later, He lets the same issue come up - and He teaches us a bit more.  I'm so grateful for His gracious, patient way of teaching us and growing us.

He has been doing that for me on this journey.  There are two things that seem to come up over and over and over again!  One is being thankful in any and every situation. The other is trusting God with whatever may come my way.  Thankfulness and trust are best friends!  When they link arms together, they are powerful in making it through hard times.

It's easy to have a heart of thankfulness when things are going good.  The difficulty comes when trials, challenges, and suffering come our way.  The enemy will do his best to point out all the negatives.  He'll try to get us to focus on the problems instead of focusing on God's goodness..  He doesn't want us to be thankful because he understands what a powerful weapon it is in surviving the hard times.  Thankfulness and gratitude keep our spirits sweet, and our hearts focused on the awesomeness of God.

I've said it before, and I'll say it a thousand times more - there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for.  In fact, there are always many, many things to be thankful for.  If we can't see them, we must stop - take a deep breath - look around us - and take time to make a list of all the good things in our lives......starting with God's goodness and faithfulness.  I admit that there are some days when the problems are so huge that they dominate my vision.  But once I stop and ask God for His perspective - then I see all the wonderful things that I have to be thankful for!

Trusting God in the midst of hard situations is perhaps more challenging, but it is so, so important.  In fact, it's in the hard times that we need to increase our trust in God - not let it waver or lessen.  If the enemy can undermine our heart of trust in the Lord, it gives him an open door to try and weaken all our other foundations.

I find it helpful as I go about my day to continually speak out "I trust you Lord."  I can be more specific - "I trust you Lord to give me wisdom in this situation."  Or I can just state the 4 simple words of trust.  God isn't looking at our words, He's looking at our heart attitude.  

I tell the Lord that I know He's with me - and I trust Him.  I tell Him that I know He has answers for everything I'm facing.  I tell Him that I trust Him even when I'm feeling overwhelmed with the situation I'm in.  I tell Him I trust Him for strength and fresh courage when I'm so exhausted that I can hardly stand upright.  I tell Him I trust Him when I can't see how things will fit together in the time to come.  I tell Him I trust His protection when it feels like arrows are coming my way from every direction.  Whatever the situation - we can state it, and tell Him we trust Him!!  This allows our heart of trust towards Him to grow and expand.

If I choose to trust God in any and every situation - and to thank Him whatever comes my way......I'm well on my way to victory over whatever the trial is I'm walking through.  I choose to keep the good friends of thankfulness and trust right by my side!

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."  Psalm 9:10

"I will give thanks for you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."  Psalm 9:1

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you."  Psalm 56:3

Thankfulness and trust are meant to be interwoven daily into our lives just as these verses go back and forth.  A strong "cord" is woven from our heart to the Father's as we choose to walk daily in them.

Time - A Precious Gift

In one of my recent posts I shared about a song that I've been singing and lifting up in worship.  It's actually a prayer of my heart each day.  "Press On" by Selah.  "In Jesus name I press on - we find the strength to press on."  The words are what echoes in my heart as I keep walking the path of our unexpected journey.  

A relative reminded me that there was a song that was sung at our wedding 52 years ago - "In Jesus Name We Pray."  She said it's a "book-end" theme for our lives.  To be honest, I'd forgotten about that song.  Her memory is better than mine!

As I reflected on this - and thought of the 2 songs, I realized that it's actually bookends that we need to have for each day!  We commit the events of each day to Him, in His name - and we trust Him for grace through the day to press on.  I often thank the Lord at night for getting me through the day, and tell him I trust him for the next day.

I am so keenly aware that I can't make it without Him.  Even some of the "bravery" I had when we started this journey is gone now.  I'm weary.  I often feel like there isn't much "fight" left in me - although my family would probably say I'm still feisty. :)  I know that I am so, so reliant on Him to keep me going!  It's only in and through Him that I can keep pressing on!

The Bible tells us over and over that He is our strength.  When we feel strong ourselves, the verses about His strength are nice - but when they REALLY become meaningful is in the hard times.  When we're weak, weary, dragging from the long journey - the promise of His abundant strength to undergird us becomes a lifeline.  It's a way He has provided for us to make it through!  It's our hope, our encouragement that we'll be okay.  That strength is available for the asking.  It's a provision He offers to us.

At our All Nations Global Gathering a few weeks ago, I spoke on "The Joy of the Lord is our Strength."  (I have posted my talk in the resources section of our website)  I have found over and over that as I press into Him, as I find continual joy in who He is - that the strength I need from Him comes more readily.  As I get out of bed each morning, I state the promise that His joy is my strength for the day in front of me.

Something else I've learned that is so important to me is that I don't need to fear being weak because He is always by my side.  The world puts such an emphasis on strength.  Being weak can feel like an ugly word.  But the Bible tells us that His strength really shines in our weakness.  His strength and our weakness fit perfectly.  I reject any lie of fear that enters in when I feel weak.

In times of weakness, I believe He keeps an extra strong grip on us.  He won't let us go!  He'll be firmly by our side night and day - on good days and on hard days.

" 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses.....for when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:9, 10

"You are my strength, I sing praise to you; you, God are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely."  Psalm 59:17

"It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure."  2 Samuel 22:33

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Psalm 73:26

"Have you not known?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He does not faint or grown weary; His understanding is unsearchable.  He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.  Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:28-41

I tried to find out how many verses there are in the Bible about God being our strength, but I couldn't get a number.  I just know there are LOTS!! The scriptures above are just a tiny sampling of God's promises to us to be our strength.  I take such comfort in going to His Word and speaking out the powerful verses that He will meet us in our weakness and be our strength - each and every time we need it.

In His name we pray for strength - and in His grace and strength we press on.  He is so faithful!!

This past Saturday was a special day for South Africa.  Our rugby team won the World Cup in the competition in Japan.  It wasn't just winning a sports game - it was a "win" for the whole country.  I'm not even a rugby fan, but I cried because I knew how special it was for our country.  Floyd is a huge rugby fan.  He would have been crying and dancing.

Siya Kolisi is the first black captain of the national rugby team.  He grew up in a township of teenage parents, wondering where his next meal was coming from, and playing rugby barefoot.  On his armband for the game, he wrote "Jesus."  He, and many of the team, were looking heavenward in thanks.  He said in an interview that the team knew how much South Africa needed this win to counter balance all the problems we are facing.  "We have a lot of problems in our country.  But this team is from so many different backgrounds and races and we came together to achieve one goal."  He said the coach told them we're not playing for ourselves - we're playing to win for the people back home.  The win is a wonderful gift to the country - perhaps even an answer to prayer.

While I wish Floyd could have been part of all this, he, instead, has had a hard weekend.  His condition is low again, and he's on oxygen to help with his laboured breathing from the chest congestion.  Myself, and 2 friends, were able to pray for him on Sunday.  We trust what God's plan is in the midst of this.   As I've said a number of times, I trust God for healing or heaven.  

I've been thinking quite a bit recently about TIME.  It's a simple 4 letter word that impacts all of us.  We need it - we can't escape it - sometimes we wish we had more of it - and sometimes it's over much too soon.  The smartest, richest, most powerful people in the world are under the same impact of time as the simplest, poorest, weakest individuals.  We're all in the "same boat," so to speak.

Time is a strange thing.  At times it seems to fly by - and then, at other times, it seems to move at a snail's pace.  But, however we look at it, it's the most important gift we have.  (Next to Jesus of course!)  Time is so precious.  We have a limited amount of it.  We can make "more" of many things in life - more money, more friends, more fun times, more adventures.....but there's nothing we can do to make more time.  That part of our lives is in God's hands.

Time is the most special gift we can give to people.  Spending time with a friend or loved one is more valuable than gold or jewels.  It's giving that person a portion of your life that you'll never get back. They may not always think of it that way :) but it's true.  There were times when Floyd gave his time to someone - at the cost of not being with me or our family.  We gladly shared him!  But I'm not sure it was always appreciated.  I was blessed when Floyd travelled and went somewhere to speak when someone would thank me for "sharing" him.  I knew they understood the gift of time!

Years ago I wrote a book on time - "Where Will I Find The Time."  I wrote about there being a season for everything from the book of Ecclesiastes.  I've always been fairly organized in using my time, and I enjoyed writing about it.  Now I'm in a "season" where time is more valuable than ever.  I don't know what's ahead for Floyd or for me, but I want my time to be used wisely.

As I reflect and look back, I'm so grateful for all the time we've had.  There are a few things I wish I'd have done differently with my time - but there are many, many things that I'm just so thankful for.  I think my biggest regret is about things we still planned to do, but time ran out on us.  One of those is that Floyd and I were planning a special celebration for our 50th anniversary.  Instead, I visited him in the hospital room, took balloons, and put up a poster to commemorate the day.

Because of what we're walking through, I'm grateful for every minute, every hour, every day.  I don't want to waste any of my time.  I want to make time count.  I try to be more purposeful in what I do and who I spend time with.  I encourage all of us to do that.  We need to treat time as the precious commodity that it is!

I'm realizing that it's never too soon - or too late to look at how we use our precious gift of time.  God has made us stewards of our time, so it's our job to use it well.  I know I've not always made perfect choices, but I hope I've done a good job......and I'm trying to do the best I can now in this season.  Whether I have one day or hundreds left, I want to honour Him with the gift of time that He's given me.

Our "times" are in His hands, but the responsibility for how we use our time is ours alone.  It's always a good time to reflect on our how we use the time God has given us!

"So be very careful how you live, not being like those with no understanding, but live honourably with true wisdom, for we are living in evil times.  Take full advantage of every day as you spend your life for His purposes."  Ephesians 5:15,16  TPT

"Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom."  Psalm 90:12

"We must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent us.  The night is coming, and then no one can work."  John 9:4

"How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow?  Your life is like the morning fog - it's here for a little while, then it's gone."  James 4:14 

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:  a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There's a song called "One Day at a Time."  The words of the chorus give an important perspective.  "Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus, and tomorrow may never be mine.  Lord help me today, show me the way, one day at a time."

On our unexpected journey, I've needed to take things one-day-at-a-time.  I'm grateful for every day.  I ask God to help me use my time wisely with each day He's given me.  I thank Him for the precious gift of time!

Beautiful Growth Comes From Pruning

I saw my doctor this week.  I'm dealing with 10 side effects from the treatment I'm currently on.  She said the issues are normal, but that I seem to have the "mother load" of them. :(  That said, she also said that I'm looking good!  That's always nice to hear.  We are trying to lessen the side effects, and I'm praying that the treatment will be effective!!

Friday last week marked our 13th year since moving to South Africa!  Floyd was very moved when I mentioned this to him.  We love this nation, and its people. It's "home."  There are those who are leaving and moving elsewhere, but I'm glad God brought us here.  We continually pray for His Spirit to move in a mighty way.  When we moved to Cape Town we learned that there have been prophetic words spoken that God was bringing revival "from Cape Town to Cairo."  We pray that will be so! 

It was pouring with rain on Friday too.  We need the rain, so it was wonderful.  Several times when I looked out and saw the rain, and when I heard it beating on the roof - I felt my heart stirred for that to happen spiritually too.  I pray that God will bring the rain of His Spirit pouring onto this land. 

Special days like that always cause me to reflect.  For some reason my mind went to the day that our daughter Misha was born in Kabul, Afghanistan.  We were so excited to be having our child!  In the community of dropped out young people that we ministered to, many of them had never seen someone excited about having a baby.  In fact they had friends and loved ones who had had abortions.  For some, it took a while for them to join in our joy - but when they did, it was done whole heartedly.

Before she was born, Misha was affectionately called "Moses" in our community because we didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl.  But everyone rejoiced with us when our darling red-headed daughter was born.  She came into the world just after 5 a.m., and as soon as she let out her first cry - there was a huge shout of joy and clapping.  Only then did I find out that everyone in the house had been up all night praying for me and waiting for her birth.  Within a short while they were streaming into our room to see her and touch her fingers and toes.  It was such a joyous occasion.

From the day she was born, Misha was shared with the community.  Some of the young people we worked with weren't the most careful with personal hygiene.  I can remember being concerned (!!!) as she crawled all over the floor, pulled on the guy's beards, and sat on everyone's laps.  But God spoke so clearly into my heart that Misha was  a "gift" to us, and we were to share her and let Him minister His love through her.  More than one young person told us how God had used our little baby girl to bring healing to their hearts.

I think the thought that came to me as I was reflecting on this is that God has had His hand on us through all our years of married life that we would share our lives with those He has called us to.  It has been a privilege and a blessing.  Even now I feel it's a treasure to be able to share our unexpected journey with all of you through these posts.  I’m so thankful for all those who read them and pray for us.  They are part of the journey with us!  Floyd and I have always considered "people" to be our greatest treasure.  We're so thankful!

"I thank my God every time I remember you."  Philippians 1:3

"We can't help but thank God for you, because your faith is flourishing and your love for one another is growing."  2 Thessalonians 1:3

"I thank my God through Jesus Christ for you all, because your faith is being proclaimed throughout the whole world."  Romans 1:8

"How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you?"  1 Thessalonians 3:9

I'm so grateful for each one who has walked with us on this journey.  I’m thankful for the love and prayers.  May God bless each one!

At our home we have a brick wall along the street.  When we moved to this house, Floyd planted some small bougainvillea plants along the wall.  Now, all these years later, they are big, massive plants.

 A while ago I knew they needed to be trimmed back.  I had the man who helps me with our garden cut them - but he cut them much more extensively than I planned.  I actually wondered if he had overdone it and they would die.

But - wow!  They have "come back" more beautiful than ever.  I share a photo above.  They are stunningly gorgeous!  Cars stop and take photos.  Neighbours have sent me messages thanking me for them.  Yesterday I went out to check our mailbox and found people standing in the garden along the street taking photos and selfies.  Every time I see these flowers, I can't help but smile.  They are bringing such joy to me and to others.  

Well - you know me by now - so you can guess I'm getting a spiritual lesson and application from all this.  God continually speaks to me through His creation!   

So many, many times we go through trials, through pain, through suffering.  We wonder if it will "kill" us.  It seems harsh.  It feels like too much.  We wonder if we'll survive what's happened.

I can so relate to those thoughts.  I must confess that there have been days on this unexpected journey when I didn't know if I'd make it.  To say it's been "difficult" is too mild a word.  It has been severe!  I feel like everything in our lives has been drastically "trimmed."  I have no idea how we'll recover - what the future holds. 

And yet as I've looked at these gorgeous flowers - my faith is strengthened.  Fresh hope has sprung up in my heart.  I know there is beauty to come.  It may only be in eternity - but good, beautiful, wondrous growth will come into our lives from this time of being "cut back."  My trust in what God has for us is renewed once again.

I'm so grateful for the lesson of these flowers.  I've told Floyd what a gift and blessing they have been to our neighbourhood.  From those few small plants has come such life and beauty - even after being cut back!

"Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit."  John 15:2

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  James 1:2-4

"Jesus replied, 'You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.'"  John 13:7

"We also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope."  Romans 5:3,4

"We went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance."  Psalm 66:12

"For in Him we live and move and have our being."  Acts 17:28

The hard times don't last forever.  It may seem that way! :)  But the times goes by eventually to a new season.  One of the things that has kept me sane is to look for the "good" in this particular season.  It's there!  I may have to search a bit, but so much good has come from this journey.

And I'm comforted that He goes before me in every trial, every pain.  He delivers us according to His will and purpose for our lives.  God let us walk this journey because He knew that, with His help, we'd make it through.  I hold onto that.  Sometimes all I can do is take a deep breath, hold onto His hand, and trust Him!  He's always faithful! 

Beauty Is Formed In Adversity

In dealing with the cancer and my health, I go to quite a few different doctors and therapists......but they all consistently "prescribe" the same thing.  I hear these phrases over and over - "take care of yourself" - "be kind to yourself" - "have some fun."  I've heard them so often that they seem to echo in my mind through the day.  I know they're all good and right, but they're sometimes easier said than done.

I do try to "take care of myself."  I know that I'm no help to Floyd if I'm not doing well.  I try to eat well.  I exercise.  I get good sleep.  I take vitamins and supplements to build up my body after all the medicines I've taken.  With caring for Floyd, battling cancer in my body, being involved in various ways in our ministry, taking care of our finances and paying all the bills, and handling the normal things of life - I sometimes feel stretched thin.  I try to balance out these things so that my days don't get too stressful.  

I also try to "be kind to myself."  This one is a bit challenging as I'm not always sure how to do it!  I had a good example of this yesterday.  We have started having "load shedding" again (where the electricity is turned off for 2-3 hours at a time to take pressure off the national grid).  It's amazing how it disrupts life!  It seemed like everything I wanted to do I needed electricity for.  So, in being kind to myself instead of getting frustrated, I took a nap!  :)  I slept soundly for over an hour, and woke up refreshed and feeling much more able to deal with the frustration.  

"Having fun" is perhaps the most challenging!  I find it hard to have fun when my heart is continually thinking about Floyd, and praying for him.  I try to think of fun things to do.  Usually it's reading a book, watching a movie, or going out to lunch with friends.  I'm grateful that Cape Town has lots of fun cafes and restaurants!  Because my energy is limited, my fun activities can't be too adventurous.

As I was thinking about all this, it seemed a strange thing to talk about in the update, but I felt I should share it because I actually think these are good "prescriptions" for all of us in our lives.  Whether we're sick - dealing with some trial in our lives - or just trying to cope with the stress of our busy day and age.......I think God wants us to take care of ourselves, be kind to ourselves, and have some fun.  God Himself took a day to rest.  Jesus withdrew from the crowds and rested.  They knew what they needed.  God made His world for us to enjoy, but we sometimes get too busy to do that. 

Our bodies are His temple - we need to take care of them!

"Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?"  1 Corinthians 3:16

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."  Proverbs 17:22

"Don't wear yourself out trying to get rich.  Be wise enough to know when to quit."  Proverbs 23:4 NLT

"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.' "  Matthew 11:28

I don't know what my future holds, but for as long as God keeps me on this earth I want to follow the simple "prescriptions" I've been given.  They are good ones!

A few days ago when I was visiting with Floyd, I was feeling overwhelmed with his current condition.  The tall, vibrant man that he was has become weak, frail, and somewhat shrunken.  The "gentle giant" of the man he was seemed so small.  I see him regularly, but somehow this all reached out and felt like a slap in the face during my recent time with him.  It grieved me to see him like this.  My heart felt heavy.

I had to come home and talk to the Lord about it!  I had to give it all to the Lord - cast the burden of it on Him.  I spoke out my absolute trust in God and in His sovereign will.  I quoted the promises of God's love and care for us, of His wanting what is best for us.....even if we can't see and understand it.  My only response can be trust to the One who holds us in His hands.  As I did all this, the weight of what had come upon me from my visit with Floyd was lifted.  I truly felt God took the burden of it all off my heart.  

I've spent some time reflecting again on some of the things I've been learning about suffering - there is so much!  I could write pages and pages about it.  I've shared many of the things I've learned, but it was good for me to think about them again.

·      Suffering can last a long time.  I am confident that our prayers are answered, but not always as quickly as we'd like - and often not in the way that we would like or expect.  In fact, our expectations about how our prayers "should" be answered are often a big part of how we'll be able to walk through the suffering.  Sometimes our pain comes not only from the physical suffering, but also from the disappointment of our false expectations.

·      Times of suffering are the best times to learn about God's goodness, faithfulness, and grace.  There is a level of fellowship and intimacy that we can walk in with the Lord in suffering that I don't think can come in any other way.  I don't even know how to give words to it.  I just know that there is a depth that I've experienced in my relationship with the Lord that I've not had before.  Probably because I've needed Him so very much more during this time!

·      It's during times of suffering that our character is shaped and formed in deeper and greater ways.  It's a time when we can experience a new level of spiritual maturity if we don't shy back from the lessons He has for us.  I heard one person say that it's an opportunity to become a "person of greatness" as we walk hand in hand with the Lord through suffering.

·      During this prolonged season of suffering I have also learned a simple, but profound truth - God is there and His Word is completely true, even if I don't "feel" it.  I've experienced a new level of "walking by truth and not by sight."  I may not always see or feel the truth of His Word, of His promises - but that doesn't change the fact that they ARE true!!  I can't only live by what I see and feel.

A friend reminded me recently of how precious pearls are formed.  They are formed inside the oyster shell by "adversity" - irritants in the shell.  A beautiful saltwater pearl can take 5 to 20 years to form.  The longer it is shaped and formed by the irritant, the larger and more beautiful it will become.  

The pearl is the only gemstone created "inside" a living creature.  Wow - that's a whole sermon right there!  As we face adversity in life, we have to stay tucked in close to the living Lord in order to be formed in His image.  We can't become who He wants us to be if we're distant from Him.

During times of suffering, God is using the "irritant," the adversity, to shape and form us into something beautiful and precious!  He is wanting to mould us into His beautiful "pearl of great price."

"The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls.  When he found one very precious pearl, he went away and sold all he had and bought it."  Matthew 13:45,46

"After you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support, and strengthen you, and He will place you on a firm foundation."  ! Peter 5:10

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."  Isaiah 43:2

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him."  James 1:12

The wonderful, beautiful thing in all our suffering is that He is faithful!  Day in, day out, morning, noon and night - He is completely, absolutely faithful!  We're never alone. 

Gratitude Is A Powerful Weapon

Floyd has seemed to be very weary in recent days - which is completely understandable!  I pray for daily grace for him.  

I have started a new treatment for my numb feet.  The numbness and pain has definitely gotten worse over the last months, although the doctor isn't sure why.  I am trusting for relief and improvement with this new medication.  

I read a devotional that spoke of patient perseverance.  As I read it, I wasn't sure the two words go together.  If you persevere, you just keep going in spite of everything.  If you are patient, you accept things "without being annoyed or anxious" according to the dictionary.  I definitely keep going......but I don't know if I'm always free of anxiety.  And the word "persevere" - it can actually put us off.  It sounds like a drudgery when you first hear it.

But when you're in the midst of a hard time, especially a season of suffering, there's really not much choice except to persevere!  The big issue for me has been HOW I would persevere.  I knew I didn't want to just grit my teeth and keep going.  I've chosen to take it one-day-at-a-time, to keep trusting the Lord, to have a heart of gratitude for the good things (that are always there), to daily receive His help and grace, and to walk in the joy of the Lord that is my strength.  Without those signposts in mind, I couldn't survive.  And I know I couldn't endure the journey without His help.

I read that the Latin root of the word persevere has 3 parts: per - se - vere.  Translated it means - by means of the truth.  I love that because I think it's only by means of the truth of who God is and how He helps us that we can fulfil that word.  Without God's daily grace, strength, and power I would not be still standing.  He has undergirded me in ways that only He can.

Along the road of perseverance, I've found that there is a time for  worship, a time for laughter, and a time for tears.  The occasional tears bring release, and wash the heaviness and sorrows from my heart.  Laughter brings healing to my soul (Proverbs 17:22).  And worship gets my focus on Jesus, realigning things the way they should be.  Laughter and tears come and go.  Worship should be a constant.  But all three are important for the journey.

I heard a song recently that I've been singing as worship and as a declaration to the Lord.  "Press On" by Selah.  I find the words are a cry of my heart - "When the valley is deep, When the mountain is steep, When the body is weary, When we stumble and fall, When the choices are hard, When we're battered and scarred, When we've spent our resources, When we've given our all - In Jesus name we press on!"  Amen, amen!!  He helps us keep going.  That's what patient perseverance is all about.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  James 1:2-4

"Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."  Romans 5:4

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised."  Hebrews 10:36

Someone asked me if I'm in a "holding pattern" in my life.  While it might feel like that sometimes, I actually think I'm in a massive "growing pattern."  In the midst of some of the hardest times in my life, I am learning so much as I try to patiently persevere and press on.  The closeness of fellowship with the Lord is a precious gift in the midst of it all.  I am so grateful!

I recently heard about someone that received a very generous gift, but the person complained about some of the aspects of the gift instead of being grateful.  I felt so sad when I heard this.  Complaining robs us of the joy of what we have received, and undermines our faith.

When I thought about this, I thought of the times when I've probably done the same thing through the years!  The Lord wonderfully provides for me, but maybe I'm not content with the details.  So I grumble.  I thought of the children of Israel who had daily "manna" in the desert, but they got tired of it and complained.  They began to say that it would be better for them to be back in slavery in Egypt where they had better things to eat.  We are most likely all guilty of doing something similar at one time or another.

This has all been a really good reminder for me to be grateful - always!  I know that I can "practice" gratefulness.  I can choose it.  God doesn't "give" gratefulness to us - we choose it.  It's not a feeling - it's a choice.  I can build a habit of gratefulness.  Paul said in Philippians that he had "learned" to be content!  We can "catch" ourselves when we begin to grumble, repent of the bad attitude, and start again with hearts of gratitude......learning, like Paul, to be content.

On hard days (which I seem to have a lot of on this unexpected journey), I have been training myself to not focus on the hard things but, instead, to thank Him for anything and everything I can think of to be grateful for.  I start with the basics.....having a home, having food and clothing, being able to pay all the bills, being surrounded with friends who love and help me, being able to look at the beauty of God's creation out my window.  I try to start the day with being grateful for at least one thing......and let it grow from there.  In seasons when I struggled with this, I kept a gratitude journal.  Every time I thought of something to be grateful for, I wrote it down.  It was amazing how quickly the pages filled up.

The last few days we've had the most beautiful full moon at night.  I've stood at the window looking at it and worshipped the Lord.  If I'm not careful, it's easy to miss the daily "small" things to thank Him for!  I don't want to do that.  We also have the most beautiful spring flowers this year.  I thank the Lord continually for them as I drive around.

Being grateful is not just good for our souls and our walk with the Lord, it's also good for our health!  I read an article that listed the benefits to our body of being grateful.  It reduces stress.  It helps us sleep better.  It improves our cardiovascular health.  It boosts our immunity.  These were just a few of the things that were mentioned. It makes sense that God would want to bless our physical health through the practice of thankfulness!

In a world that is filled with negativity, we can impact our own well-being and also the world around us by being grateful for God's goodness to us - in things both large and small!

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all things through Him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:12,13 

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him.  Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness."  Colossians 2:7

"Give thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."  Ephesians 5:20

Having a grateful heart gets my focus off of myself and my problems - and back on the Lord.  Gratitude invites His presence into my day.  It brings fresh strength as I remind myself of His goodness, His grace, and His provision.  Gratitude sends the enemy fleeing because He doesn't like worship and praise.  Gratitude is a powerful spiritual weapon - and it's also a key to releasing God's provision into our day.  Thank you, Lord, that you provided this wonderful gift for us to choose and walk in.

Bloom Where You Are Planted

Floyd has had a good week.  He had some special visits with friends who came for the All Nations Gathering last week.   One of his therapists said he was very energetic in his session with her too, more so than normal.  That's a good thing.  

The All Nations Gathering was a great week.  We had workers here from 33 of the 44 countries we work in.  So many said how much they appreciated the fellowship, and how sweet the Lord's presence was in the times together.  I told Floyd that he would have been so happy to see how special the time was.

Mary Ho, the international director who took over from Floyd, has done an awesome job of leading.  She has had a challenging task in taking over from Floyd so unexpectedly, but she has done so well. 

I wasn't able to be at the Gathering for the whole time because of my low energy levels, but it was special for me to be able to share a message the had given me on "The Joy of the Lord is Our Strength”.  In spite of not having a lot of energy, the Lord helped me. 

I have hard days with a lack of energy, numbness in my feet and several other things that are plaguing me as well.  On the rough days, I rest.  God is always faithful to restore me.

There have been some reports in the news recently about an object that has streaked across our skies that originates from outside our solar system.  There was great excitement over this.  It's only the 2nd time that an interstellar object has been observed that crossed into our solar system.  They have named it - they're studying it - and are watching it closely.  It will be closest to earth in early Dec. 

I was excited reading about it......and then the thought came to me that we are impacted daily by something outside our universe!!  God breaks into our lives every day with His goodness, His mercy, His grace, His strength, and His sweet words into our hearts.  It may become so "normal" that we forget what an awesome thing it is.  The Creator of the universe reaches down into our human existence and touches our lives.  He loves us, He meets our needs, and He works on our behalf in countless ways every day.  How wonderful He is!

I am keenly aware that I wouldn't have made it on our unexpected journey if the God of all creation hadn't helped me each step of the way.  He has directed each of those steps.  He has strengthened my faith in the uncertainty.  He has brought good into the midst of the hard times.  He has given me His "peace that passes understanding" in the turmoil of all that has happened.  He has worked in ways that only He can on this journey.  He has cleared away the fog and confusion when I've faced big decisions.  He has poured out His joy, which is my strength.  He has given me courage to persevere on the long journey.  He has met my every need.  He has been so, so good and faithful!

For all the scientists who are excited about this interstellar object, I wish I could share with them about how we are impacted from outside our solar system by the God of the universe every minute of every day.  It's so much more exciting than any object they are studying!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are  higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:8,9

"Have you never heard?  Have you never understood?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of all the earth.  He never grows weak or weary.  No one can measure the depths of His understanding."  Isaiah 40:28

"When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?"  Psalm 8:3,4 

My heart is full to overflowing in gratitude that God, the creator of the universe, continually breaks into my life with His goodness.  He is so awesome!

We have a small bottle brush tree in our back yard.  It's in full bloom right now.  In fact, it's in "over-the-top" bloom!  I looked at it a few days ago in amazement.  It has so many flowers in bloom that there are hardly any green leaves left......and I'm surprised it doesn't topple over with the weight.  It's really beautiful.  The picture at the top of this update is one just like it.

As I stood looking at it, I could sense the still small voice of the Lord speaking into my heart.  It's a small tree, but it is abundantly "fruitful" in its blossoms.  Its gnarly branches bear testimony to the fact that it has weathered the stormy Cape weather.  It doesn't seem like a very big, strong tree - but it has stood the test of time and is producing the most beautiful, vibrant flowers.

I sensed the Spirit saying that we may think ourselves small, weak even, but as we weather what comes our way, with the Lord's help - He will bring beauty and fruitfulness from our lives.  He will help us to "bloom."

Years ago I received a card that said "bloom where you are planted."  I took that phrase as a personal motto in my heart.  I determined I wanted to do that - wherever I was, in whatever situations I found myself.  I heard someone say once that even if you find yourself planted under concrete, look for the crack to find your way out.  In the hardest situations, there is always a way to "bloom."

I don't want to stop blooming when I find myself in a difficult situation.  I think a key to that is to always have a heart of gratitude towards the Lord regardless of our circumstances.  There are always things to be thankful for.....and as we worship Him, it gets our situation back in its proper perspective and allows us to bloom and grow.

I have been grateful that in the midst of my need and weakness of our unexpected journey, He has given me opportunities to still bloom, to still be fruitful.  I have been weak - but He is always strong!  And He doesn't "waste" anything we go through.  He helps us learn and grow!

"Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."  Jeremiah 17:7,8

"The godly will flourish like palm trees and grow strong like the cedars of Lebanon."  Psalm 92:12

"The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and the one who is wise saves lives."  Proverbs 11:30

"Abide in me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.  I am the vine; you are the branches.  Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."  John 15:4,5

"The name of the second he called Ephraim, 'For God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.' " Genesis 41:52

There is beauty to be brought forth in whatever life throws at us - be it lemons, rocks, sickness, or unexpected journeys.  With God's help we can be fruitful in any season, in any situation......we can "bloom" where we are planted!

Praying the ABC's

Floyd has had some sweet visits with friends in recent days.  Different ones have remarked about what a peace there is in Floyd's room.  With one group, he was so engaged in listening to the various reports - and he responded with tears to some things that were shared.  It has been very precious. 

My new treatment is going smoothly so far.  The side effects from the previous treatment are continuing, but no new ones even though the new treatment is stronger.

I so believe in the power of prayer!  It is a lifeline to me - from my heart to the Father.  But sometimes I just don't know what to pray.  After all these many months, I sometimes run out of words.  I've prayed every prayer I know of about Floyd's situation.  I've prayed everything I can possibly think of about my battle with cancer.  I've prayed all I know to pray about the various things family members are facing.  I have prayed and prayed and prayed!  Sometimes there just aren't any more words.

A friend sent me this quote:

I loved that!  I know that little girl was right.  God sees our heart.  He knows what we're thinking.....He knows it before we can formulate the thought.  I may try praying the ABC's. :)  God can just translate.

There have been times, when I've been very weak, when all I could do was whisper short prayers - sometimes even just think them in my mind - and I'm sure God heard and understood those prayers too.  He is constantly reaching out to us.  He hears our faintest words lifted up to Him.

I heard Pete Greig say in his video series on prayer that I shared with you "keep it simple, keep it real, keep it up."  I've often followed that guideline.  I pray the basics - I pray from my heart - and I just KEEP praying!  That's really all I think God asks of us.  I have little to no control over the distressing situations in my life, but I can pray!  I can give the situations to God, and trust Him to work on our behalf.

The Bible also says to "pray without ceasing." - 1 Thessalonians 5:17.  To me that means that I talk to the Lord all the time - while driving, while doing chores, while exercising, even quietly when I'm shopping.  I keep a running conversation going all the time with the Lord.  I share my thoughts, my desires, my concerns, my burdens, my needs - I tell Him everything.  It's a sweet friendship and fellowship with the Lord as I talk to Him continually.

And I don't think God minds if we repeat a prayer over and over.  I think of the persistent widow in the Bible who wouldn't give up asking for justice in Luke 18:1-8.  I'm sure she must have asked the same thing over and over.  It wasn't the wrong thing to do.  She did the 3 things I mentioned above that Pete shared......and her request was granted.

I've often wondered, too, if there is a wrong way to pray.  I'm not sure, but I doubt it.  I know for sure that we can't demand things!  But I think as long as we speak from our heart, God is always listening.  Over and over the Bible encourages us to ask.  "You have not because you ask not." - James 4:2.

I read an article about "prayer insecurity."  If only I'd prayed harder.  Maybe I'm not praying right.  Maybe my prayers aren't powerful enough.  I don't think God looks at it that way.  He looks at the intent of our hearts - and hears what we can't even verbalize.

I also think that sometimes our prayers are being answered and we're not aware of it.  I'm sure that is happening on our journey.  I know I can't see all that God is doing.  I know God hears all of our prayers, and that He's working on our behalf.  I can't see it, but I trust all that He is doing.

According to those who count these things, pray/prayer, etc. is mentioned a few hundred times in the Bible.  If that's the case, then it must be very important for us to do.  So I'm going to keep praying - even when I don't have all the words to pray!

"Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."  Jeremiah 29:12

"You will pray to Him, and He will hear you."  Job 22:27

"I call on you, my God, for you will answer me; turn your ear to me and hear my prayer."  Psalm 17:6

"He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; He will not despise their plea."  Psalm 102:17

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I love how in that last verse it says that our prayers should be bookended by worship!  That's a wonderful guideline.

I am confident that God has heard each and every prayer that has been lifted up.  

I am keenly aware of my weaknesses, my needs, my inadequacies, my lacking.  I continually face things that I know I can't do on my own.  I stare my weaknesses in the face every day - and ask God to be strong where I'm weak.  There is absolutely no way I could have survived on this long unexpected journey without God's faithful help and strength.  I'm so aware of that.

But recently I've felt my heart being challenged to thank the Lord for these needs and weaknesses - because they have caused me to press into Him in greater measure.  Now there's a challenge!  While I'm aware of my weakness.......and I'm grateful that I can press into the Lord for help......I don't think I'm actually thankful for those needs, those weaknesses, those inadequacies!

In fact, I'd probably go a step further and say I don't like being weak!  I've always been strong.  I've always been able to face big challenges and, with God's help, get them done.  Weakness makes me feel - well, weak!  It's not a comfortable feeling to me, but it's one that has driven me to my knees before the Lord asking Him to rescue me.  Without these weaknesses, I might not have discovered how very much I need Him - and how vast His resources are to help me.

On this journey, I have increasingly found myself in a position of weakness and need.  Even in recent days I have found myself in a place of such weakness that I knew I couldn't make it without His abundant undergirding strength!  He was faithful, and got me through the challenges I faced.

When we're weak, we need His power and strength.  God's power isn't perfected in us through prayer, through reading the Bible, through listening to great teaching, through going to church, through fasting.  The Word tells us that His power is made perfect in our weakness.  That's why I can be thankful for my weakness.  Weakness keeps me humble - running to Him every day, every hour, even every minute if I need Him.

I still need the Lord's help to wrap my head around all this.  I'm getting there!  I don't know if I'm all the way yet or not.  I am keenly aware that in my weakness, I have experienced levels of His grace and strength, His power, that I couldn't have otherwise.......and I am SO grateful for that!  Being aware of my weakness keeps me in a place of constant surrender to Him because I need Him so much!

While speaking recently, I made the statement that God is more concerned about our character than our comfort.  His goal is not to pamper us physically, but to perfect us spiritually.  He wants to make us more and more like Him.  And, yes, He'll use our weakness and neediness to do that!

I have experienced levels of God's goodness, grace, faithfulness, and strength while being so incredibly weak that I truly could not have walked through in my "stronger" days.  I'm grateful for that - and I am thankful that my weakness has opened the way for that.  My weaknesses have humbly driven me to the Father's heart as I've cried "help, I can't make it."  My "jar of clay" has had lots of cracks.  I've needed the Lord to fill in those cracks with His strength.

He never rebukes me for being weak!  In fact, I have the sense that He's pleased that I recognize my weakness and turn to Him.  His arms are always open for me to run into.  And when I'm so weak that I feel like I can't take another step, He picks me up and carries me with His sweet love and grace.  

The world tends to pity or make fun of weakness.  But God says let me use this weakness to make you more like me.  Let me use your weakness as an opportunity to manifest my power.  In the Bible the apostle Paul had a weakness - a "thorn in the flesh."  He begged the Lord three times for it to be removed, but God didn't answer that prayer.  Paul finally came to a place where he could "boast" of his weakness in order for God to be shown in His power.  Maybe I'll get to the place where I can fully join Paul in that.

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:9,10

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.  We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed."  2 Corinthians 4:7-9

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."  Matthew 11:28,29

"I can do all all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

Being weak isn't an excuse for laziness, for sin, or for not doing what we know is right.  But when we are genuinely weak - God will use our weakness for His honour and glory.  He is my Rock in my weakness.  He never fails me.  He is always there, always available to meet my needs.  I am becoming increasingly thankful for my weakness that draws me closer and closer to Him. 

Our God - The Infinite Fixer Upper

Through the years as we pioneered a number of ministry centres, I have had the opportunity to oversee the restoring and renovating of various properties.  If you think of old buildings that are in need of a lot of love and help, you'll get the idea.  I also needed to fix up the various places that we called "home" through the years.

This isn't something I knew how to do, but it was something that needed to be done - and it often fell into my area of responsibility.  I read, studied, asked people who knew about these things, and learned a lot.  It was a challenge, an adventure, and an opportunity to stretch my faith in asking for God's help, guidance, and provision.  I loved it!  There were wonderful staff and volunteers who helped in accomplishing all this.  It was fun to work with them in seeing God help us change the old to something new, lovely, and functional.

To this day, I enjoy reading magazines on renovation and decorating.  I like the various television programs about this too.  One of my favourites is "Fixer Upper."  It's about a couple in Waco, Texas (Chip & Joanna Gaines) who take what they call "the worst house in the best neighbourhood" and turn what often looks like a disaster into something beautiful.  The transformation is often nothing short of miraculous.  The buildings I helped in fixing up never looked quite like that!!

When I have a few minutes of down time, I enjoy watching one of these episodes.  They are so much fun and inspiring too! When I was watching one of them recently, it hit me - this is what God does with us.  He takes whatever mess we have made of our lives and fixes us up!  He tears out the old, the run down things, the things that are broken, the things that are a disaster - and He builds in the new.  He completely renovates us into a reflection of Himself.  It doesn't happen as quickly as things do on the television show.  It may take years and years, a life time even.  But He keeps working on us to make us a beautiful, unique creation of His design.

I feel like He's been doing a lot of work on me on this unexpected journey!  He's been renovating every aspect of my heart and mind to help me learn and grow.  It never stops.  On this journey He's been "renovating" my heart to trust Him more deeply, to dig deeper foundations of hope, and to find beautiful treasures when things seem lacking.  I'm so grateful for His designer's touch.  He is continually creating in our lives.  Knowing that gives me courage and confidence on hard days.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."  2 Corinthians 5:17

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43:18,19

"Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."  2 Corinthians 4:16,17

"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.' "  Lamentations 3:22-24

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."  Ecclesiastes 3:11

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh."  Ezekiel 11:19

Sometimes with all the aches and pains and things falling apart in my body, it can feel like my "house" is falling apart.  But God, the infinite "fixer upper" comes along and restores my inner being in wonderful ways that enable me to keep going.  I couldn't make it without Him.  He is an "ever-present help" at my side.

Jesus - Our Faithful Compass!

Floyd was having a good day when I was with him this week.  He was sitting in his wheelchair, and looked really good.  I spoke with the doctor, and we agreed that he goes up and down all the time.  Nothing is changing - it's just the nature of his current condition.  I was glad to be there at a "good" time.  As soon as I walked in and started talking to him, telling him how much I loved him, he gave me a sweet smile.  I loved it!  It warmed my heart. :)

Later I was asking him if he loved Jesus.  I reminded him that when he would speak he would often begin with - "I love Jesus!  Do you love Jesus?"  He was known for that.  He smiled real big when I reminded him of that.

I have started my new treatment.  I’m praying that it will be effective, and that the impact on my body will not be negative with difficult side effects.

I wrote recently about the guinea fowl we have roaming around - the ones with the tiny brains.  We have another creature in our neighbourhood too - a mongoose.  He roams from house to house.  He's nice to have around as he eats field mice, insects, and is known to kill snakes too.  It's fun to watch him run around the yard looking for creatures. 

Recently I observed the guinea fowl and the mongoose come together.  I don't think they knew what to think of each other.  They looked at one another, and then began to run in circles chasing each other......round and round they went.  They ran off, and then came back and did it again.  I'm not sure if there's a lesson here - except that maybe it's not very productive to run in circles - but it was fun to watch them.  I am so entertained by God's creatures!!

In spite of loving God's creatures, I am not an out-in-nature kind of person.  I get confused using a compass.  :)  I know, I know - it's simple, but I haven't found it that way.  But I've always had a good sense of direction.  Through the years with all our travels, if I went somewhere one time......I could usually find my way back there again - sometimes even years later.  Floyd was always amazed at this.  I had a built in compass!

But I have to tell you that I've not always had clear direction at things I've faced the last few years......even the last few weeks.  I often find myself not knowing what way to go.  Some things I've faced before, but the path seems different this time.  I've had so many decisions to make, about so many things.  It has felt daunting, confusing at times.

Thankfully God knows the way!  I've tried to stay tucked in close to Him so that I don't have to worry about getting lost.  I find myself calling out to Him frequently, asking Him to guide me step by step so that I don't fall or lose my way.  I know He has a perfect, unfailing sense of direction.

I must confess that I've had some times recently when I didn't "feel" Him leading me, guiding me.  In these times I find it important to go to the Word and trust His promises even if I'm not feeling them.  His Word, His promises are unwavering, unchanging.  I can count on them.  I can't trust my feelings, but I can trust Him.

Lots of people these days use GPS to direct them to where they're going as they drive.  One of the things I like about them is that even if you take a wrong turn - it keeps directing you back to where you said you wanted to go.  It never gives up!  The Lord is like that.  He will keep directing us until we get to where we need to go.  Even if we make mistakes, He keeps drawing us back to the right path.

I've faced this kind of season before.  I've probably shared about it.  But it doesn't mean it won't happen again.  I've been through lots of daunting days.  God has gotten me through them.  But when they come again - it's like I've never faced one before.  I have to look to Him to help me find my way all over again.

The assurance of God being my guide has enabled me to put one foot in front of another during difficult, hard days.  As always, He has been so faithful.  He's the only compass I need!

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul.  He guides me along the right paths."  Psalm 23:1-3

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds."  Philippians 4:6,7

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.' "  Isaiah 30:21 

"You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.  Whom have I in heaven but you?  I desire you more than anything on earth."  Psalm 73:24,25 

"The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."  Isaiah 58:11

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you."  Psalm 32:8

Holding on to the Lord's hand - He will help me not to stumble when I'm daunted by all I'm facing......even if I run in circles like the mongoose and guinea fowl!

As I've been praying about God being our guide, our wonderful "compass" to help us find direction when we need it,  He put this outline on my heart:

G - He goes before us to prepare the way.

U - He is unwavering in His desire to help us.

I  - He gives instruction that we need.

D - He directs our every step.

E - There is no end to His help. 

I have been in some tour groups before where the guide wasn't very helpful.  I am so glad that God is the perfect guide.  He will never fail us, never leave us on our own.

I have been blessed with friends and family to walk with me on this long journey we've been on.  I am so grateful for them.  I couldn't have made it without their love, care, and support.  And yet sometimes I feel very alone.  I've realized that it's because no one else is walking in my shoes.  As much as they walk with me and love me - they are not experiencing the same things that I am. 

But Jesus understands!  The Bible tells us that He has walked in our shoes.  He has faced the things we face.  He has borne the pain we bear.  He was separated from the Father and understands the loss we feel from loved ones that can't be by our side.  His disciples fell asleep when He needed them the most, so he understands our loneliness.  He took our sins upon Himself, so He understands our weakness and failure.  He bore the stripes on His back for our sickness, so He understands our physical pain and illness.  He experienced hunger in the wilderness, so He understands our need for daily bread and sustenance.  He can relate to us at every level, and He promises to never leave us nor forsake us.  I am truly never alone.

Whether I need a guide - or if I need someone to hold my hand and walk in my shoes with me - Jesus is there!  In recent days I've needed both.  He has met me each step of the way.  He is so faithful!

"Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because He was tempted in every way that we are.  But He did not sin!  So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God.  There we will be treated with undeserved kindness, and we will find help."  Hebrews 4:15,16  CEV

"You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book."  Psalm 56:8

"You see me when I travel and when I rest at home.  You know everything I do."  Psalm 139:3

"Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."  Hebrews 12:2,3

"Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."  Matthew 11:28-30

"The Lord, Himself, goes before you and will be there with you.  He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

Jesus doesn't stand at a distance when we go through a hard time.  He comes close.  He is right with us.  He "wept" when His friend Lazarus died.  He will weep with us in our needs.  He'll whisper comfort to us.  He'll protect us.  And He'll faithfully guide us along the journey to make sure we find our way.

There is Power in Our Speech

Many years ago when we lived and worked in Holland, there was a principle that Floyd would remind our staff about.  We lived in one of the roughest parts of the city and were regularly faced with crime.  Almost every time we stepped outside the building where we lived, we encountered drug deals taking place.  It was not uncommon for a "junkie" (a person on drugs) to rob one of our workers.

Floyd taught on Proverbs 15:1 - "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."   He encouraged us to be kind regardless of how upsetting a situation might be.  It's easy to think that's a good idea - a little more challenging when you find yourself in a difficult situation.

I remember when one of our young men was held up at knife point by a junkie who wanted his money.  The YWAM worker didn't have any money!  He didn't get upset or angry at the robber, he just "gently" explained that he lived in the city because he wanted to help the street people, the junkies, the prostitutes - and that he lived on very little and had no money with him.  He showed the junkie his empty pockets.  Amazingly, instead of the junkie getting angry that his victim had no money, he ended up consoling him that he was poor and broke!!  Our worker was able to explain his love for Jesus and why he was there doing what he did.  His experience was a good lesson for all of us.

I've never forgotten it.  Through the years when I've been in a difficult or frustrating or upsetting situation, I've tried to remember that principle.  I need to respond with a soft answer in the midst of a hard situation.  I've probably not always succeeded, but the testimony of our worker certainly marked my life.

Recently I was in a very frustrating situation here.  I didn't stop to think of the principle, but I did respond kindly and graciously - several times.  Amazingly, an answer opened up and the frustrating situation was resolved.  It was only later that I thought of the principle learned years ago.

We live in a world that seems to be filled with ugly words, unkindness, and meanness.  It seems like every time I read or see a news report, there is at least one news item of someone speaking in harsh, unkind words to another person.  I find it grievous.  I wish I could pour a soothing balm over the situation.

Since my recent situation, I have become more aware of my words.  I try when interacting with a clerk, a business person, or a service person to say something warm and kind.  I love watching their faces light up with a smile.  It makes my heart smile too.  It lightens whatever heaviness I am carrying that day.  A little bit of love and kindness goes a long ways.

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."  Proverbs 16:24

"Your words have supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees."  Job 4:4

"She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."  Proverbs 31:26

"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs it down, but a good word makes it glad."  Proverbs 12:25

"To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!"  Proverbs 15:23

"A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit."  Proverbs 15:4

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear."  Ephesians 4:29

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."  Proverbs 18:21

I'm thankful for the recent reminder of this powerful lesson about our speech. And I'm so grateful that God is loving, patient, and kind to me when I frustrate Him! He always responds with grace towards me. He always encourages me, forgives me, and gives me a new beginning.

He Speaks - We Worship

I'm always blessed when I'm with Floyd and he seems to be doing well.  It lightens the heaviness on my heart for him.  But the reality is that he seems to have good days, and not so good days continually!  It's like a pendulum swinging back and forth!  

He tends to lie still most of the time, but the other day one of the therapists said he was quite "animated."  Translation - he didn't like the therapy, so he tried to elbow her. :)  I was glad to see he had some spunk!  As always, I commit him into God's loving care and His plans for him.

Over the last few years as we've gone through all the various trials, I have read through the book of Job on a number of occasions.  Job faced losses and trials in a way that few ever have - and yet his heart remained turned fully to God.  I've wanted to learn from his example.  I've hoped to find keys to help me get through the things I'm facing as I've read through his situation.  In recent days, one verse in particular has stood out to me afresh. 

In the first chapter, Job receives one messenger after another telling him that everything he had is lost - his 7000 sheep, his 3000 camels, his 500 yokes of oxen, his 500 donkeys, his 10 children, and even his servants.....except for the few who survived to come tell him of each loss.  From the narrative, it seems that it all happened in one day as one servant would be speaking.....and another would come to tell of more bad news.  It was quite a massive blow!  He may have been the richest man on the face of the earth at that time - and suddenly it was all gone.

We know that calamities come into our lives - although not usually of this scale and scope all in one day.  But what happens next is almost unbelievable.  "At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head.  Then he fell to the ground in worship."  Job 1:20

This is the verse that has been impressed on my heart over and over again.  I haven't torn my clothes!  But I did lose all my hair with cancer treatment. :)  What I'm challenged by is that in the face of such tremendous loss.....Job worshipped!  Wow!  It's not what you think of in terms of circumstances for a good worship time.

I've found that it's easy to worship when there are answers to prayer......when the sun is shining and it's not too cold.....when the bills are all paid.....when the medical treatment is having good results.....when all the appliances keep working.....when no alarms are going off in the middle of the night.....when the rest of our family is well and healthy.....when life is going fairly smoothly.  But - turn all those things and many others along with them upside down - and worship isn't usually the first thing that comes to mind!

This is one of the "disciplines" that I've been working on learning these last few years.  I've found that it's a key to persevering and surviving.  Worship doesn't always come easily when I'm staring something terrible in the face - but it does help lift the weight and heaviness off of what I'm facing when I choose to worship!

Worship, thankfulness, and gratitude helps turn the darkest moment around.  The situation doesn't disappear - how I wish it would!  But there's something about getting my eyes on Jesus and worshipping Him in the difficulty that lifts the weight of what I'm facing from my shoulders and onto the Lord's.  Being able to proclaim in statements of worship who God is and that He never changes, and being able to "cast my burden" on Him helps give me fresh strength to keep going.

I've tried to walk in this on this unexpected journey - and God has been reminding me of it again as I face new challenges with my health, my energy, and my treatment.  I don't like these things I'm facing, but I'm choosing with Job to worship in response to them!

"Go to the Lord for help, and worship Him continually."  1 Chronicles 16:11

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Saviour."  Habakkuk 3:17,18

"Yours, Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendour, for everything in heaven and earth is yours.  Yours, Lord, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all."  1 Chronicles 29:11

"Why, my soul, are you downcast?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Saviour and my God."  Psalm 42:11 

"Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker."  Psalm 95:6 

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Saviour, who daily bears our burdens."  Psalm 68:19

He is so worthy of our worship and praise - in every situation in our lives!  I know I've said it before, but it bears repeating - there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for, to worship Him for.  On the hardest day, in the most difficult situation, in every trial that comes our way - HE IS WORTHY of our praise.  "He is God and He changes not."

There are so many things that I love about the Lord!  If I made a list, it would be endless.  He is so good, so faithful, so amazing.  One of the things that would be at the top of that list is that HE SPEAKS to us.  What an incredible, precious gift that is.  The Creator of the universe speaks into our human hearts - it's hard to even believe it's possible, and yet it's so very true.

I first heard the Lord speaking into my heart as a young girl when I was about three years old - kneeling by my bed, saying my prayers, and I heard God speak into my heart.  It was an incredible treasure that I held close to me.  That began a wonderful communication that has continued over the decades.

I've heard Him speak with clarity of direction when I've sought wisdom.  I've heard Him speak words of correction when I've failed Him.  I've heard Him speak assurance when I've hesitantly stepped out in obedience to something He's said to do.  I've heard Him speak love and acceptance in moments of insecurity.  I've heard Him speak courage when my human strength has been gone.  I've heard Him speak tender words of love when my heart has been broken by something.  The list could go on and on and on of how He has spoken - the key thing is that HE SPEAKS!!  In fact, I think He longs to speak to us - but sometimes we miss His voice.

I've had people tell me they can't imagine that this is true.  I've heard sermons about this being something for olden times, but it doesn't happen now.  I've read articles by scholars who very intellectually explain why this can't happen.  But my heart knows it does.  I don't think I could have survived the last few years if it hadn't been for God wonderfully speaking love, strength, direction, and courage into my heart.  I am so very grateful that HE SPEAKS.

God speaks and out of darkness brought light.  He speaks and a 100 billion galaxies are born.  He speaks and a 100 billion failures disappear.  We see His heart in everything He says.  Oh how incredibly wonderful that HE SPEAKS!!

As I have meditated on this, I don't know how to convey the joy that has welled up in my heart in thankfulness that HE SPEAKS.  I find tears rolling down my cheeks as I tell Him how awesome it is that He speaks to my simple heart.  As the song “So Will I” by Hillsong says, "If the stars were made to worship, so will I.  If the oceans roar with greatness, so will I.  If creation sings your praises, so will I."  I see those stars at night - I hear the ocean's roar - I join with creation in thanking Him for speaking. 

"A voice came from heaven: 'You are my beloved Son, with you I am well pleased.' "  Mark 1:11

"The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the most high resounded."  2 Samuel 22:14

"After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  And after the fire came a gentle whisper."  1 Kings 19:12

"The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord thunders over the mighty waters.  The voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the Lord is majestic.  The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars; the Lord breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon.  He makes Lebanon leap like a calf, Sirion like a young wild ox.  The voice of the Lord strikes with flashes of lightning.  The voice of the Lord shakes the desert; the Lord shakes the Desert of Kadesh.  The voice of the Lord twists the oaks and strips the forests bare.  And in His temple all cry, 'Glory!' "  Psalm 29:3-9

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me."  John 10:27

I thank God for speaking to me through the years of my life - and especially for speaking so wonderfully during these last few difficult years.   God often speaks to me through His creation.  The song says "every painted sky a canvas of your grace."  I will definitely think of that as I watch our beautiful sunsets.  I am so grateful that HE SPEAKS!

Asking For the Fruit of Patience

Patience.  It's a word that's been on my mind a lot lately......because I've seemed to need to have a lot of it!  I've been facing some new challenges, needing answers to things that don't come quickly......and all I can do is be patient and walk through each challenge.  It's a simple word with 7 letters.  Seven is one of my favourite numbers.  But I'm not so fond of this thing that is 7 because I'm continually challenged by it!

Actually, I've felt I've learned a lot about patience the last few years.  But I guess it's one of those things that is a never ending area of learning.  I will think that I've learned a lot, and that I'm ready to move on......and then a whole new level of learning comes along - and I find I need more patience.

When you have to remain calm and at peace while waiting a long time for something - or when you have to deal with difficult problems that aren't solved quickly - you find out very quickly how truly patient you are - or aren't!  I've definitely seen that I have areas where I need to learn and grow more.

I've heard people say that we shouldn't pray for patience because we don't know what we're asking for.  They say that the prayer will probably be met with lots of huge challenges, maybe suffering, maybe trials.  Maybe, maybe not.  But I think it's definitely something we should ask God for as it's listed as one of the fruits of the Spirit - and we definitely want those in our lives.

I've been learning on our unexpected journey that suffering, while hard, can be a gift.  We grow through suffering in our lives in ways that we can't in any other way.  Suffering causes us to press into the Lord in deep and powerful ways.  There is a level of intimacy with Him that we walk into through suffering that is precious and beautiful.

And trials - I don't think they're optional.  They're part of the territory in the fallen world we live in.  But we're not alone in going through them.  He is right beside us, holding our hand, guiding us, helping us, and getting us safely through them.

So back to patience.  I'm still learning, but I'm choosing to focus on Him as I walk through the new challenges and learn more about that 7 letter word.  "Love is patient."  And God is pouring out His love to me as I learn about patience.

"Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."  1 Corinthians 13:4

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"But hope that is seen is no hope at all.  Who hopes for what they already have?  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."  Romans 8:24,25

"Whoever is patient has great understanding."  Proverbs 14:29

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him."  Psalm 37:7

"Therefore, as God's chosen people holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience."  Colossians 3:12

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness."  Galatians 5:22

There's no magic formula in walking through hard times.  I wish there was.  But choosing to walk in patience is a big help in navigating the difficult path.  I'm so grateful that God helps us grow in our patience - being patient with us as we grow!

Holy Spirit - Our Guide On the Roller Coaster Of Life!

Floyd is doing good at the moment.  Some warm spring days have appeared this past week.  That makes us all feel better!  We continue to pray for ministering angels to keep him company too!

I will start the new cancer treatment in a few days.  I’m praying that my body can tolerate it easily, that there will be no side effects, and that it will be effective.

I've mentioned a number of times that our unexpected journey has felt like a roller coaster ride much of the time - regular ups and downs.  Recently, the battle over my energy levels has definitely been part of that.  Recovering from the winter bugs I had, and a side effect of the treatment I'm on have kept my energy levels low for quite some time now.  It's rather frustrating for me.  I've always been such a go-getter, accomplishing long lists of things each day.  I don't like being slowed down!  My family does remind me that I'm getting older too. :)

The neuropathy (numbness) in my feet, that came from my first time of chemo, is also still a battle.  It seems to be getting worse these days.  As I was moving slowly through my chores, and being careful to make sure my steps were secure from my numb feet - I was talking to the Lord about all this.  I'm still following the one-day-at-a-time guideline in trying to persevere on this unexpected journey, so I was asking Him how to make it through the day ahead.

When I sat down to have a quiet time, I came upon a verse that I've not noticed before.  "You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way."  Psalm 18:36  One person said "so that my ankles do not turn."  Another version says "so that my feet did not slip."

I began to ponder that.  I think it particularly caught my attention because I worry about slipping/falling because of my numb feet.  I've had one or two close calls.  As I thought about this verse I was overwhelmed with how God would speak to such a specific thing in His word - and how meaningful and personal it would be to me in this season.  I was so encouraged and strengthened.

I also thought of how God has kept me from slipping in so many other ways on this journey.  There are too many to mention, but a few came to mind.  He has comforted my heart on hard and lonely days - through His presence, and also through the dear friends He has placed around me.......and through the Care Team who love and support Floyd.  I am so grateful for each one that loves and cares for us.

He has reminded me on days when I'm almost too weary to pray, that He has given me dear ones around the world who are lifting up my weak arms in prayer.  It helps me relax when I can't pray as much as I'd like.

He has provided for our needs during this unusual season.  I have not had even one moment of feeling "in want" in any way.  I tell Floyd each time I see him of how good God has been to us.  I tell him not to worry about me - that everything is okay.

God has spoken love, strength, and encouragement to me is so many ways through His creation.  Oh how I love that!  It's happened so often that now I look for it with fresh eyes to see and ears to hear Him.

He has drawn me close to His heart, and taught me so many precious things that I know can only come through walking through "the valley of the shadow of death."  There is no question that it's worth going through the hard times because of the treasures that come out of those trials.  I've learned that there is a sweetness of His tender love that can only come in the hard moments.  It's in the dark moments that the light of His presence suddenly pierces through the clouds of trials.

"He makes my feet like the feet of a deer and stations me upon the heights."  Psalm 18:33

"When you walk, your steps will not be impeded; when you run, you will not stumble."  Proverbs 4:12

"My steps have clung to your paths; my feet have not slipped."  Psalm 17:5

"He preserves our lives and keeps our feet from slipping."  Psalm 66:9

"He will not let your foot slip - He who watches over you will not slumber."  Psalm 121:3

"I cried out, 'I am slipping!' but your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me."  Psalm 94:18

In one way or another, trials and hardships come our way.  But God can lovingly, wonderfully keep our ankles from giving way as we walk through these trials.  I am so grateful for that.

Some days with all that I'm facing, I just need a little fun and lightness in my life.  I had an unusual fun thing happen this week.  Here is South Africa we have birds called guinea fowl.  They are strange birds.  They have big bodies, tiny, tiny heads, and even tinier brains!  See the birds in the picture above.  They are not the smartest creatures that God made!  :)

I had one on my front deck this week.  It had managed to get there, but it couldn't figure out how to get back to where it came from.  It would go over to one possible exit, look at it, and run away.  Then it would go to another possible way to return to where it came from, and look puzzled.  It ran back and forth.  It ran in circles.  It ran around so much I thought it might die of exhaustion.  I finally took pity on it - after watching and laughing for a while - and went out to chase it the right way.  Then away it happily went, probably very relieved.

I was still chuckling from the whole episode when I thought of the lesson that was coming from it for my life.  I'm sure I've been like that guinea fowl at times.  I've gotten myself into a predicament, and I don't know how to get out.  I try one thing, and it's not right.  I try another, and it doesn't work......until finally the Holy Spirit comes along and guides me the right way.  I know I'm very relieved when that happens to me.  And I was grateful for the "fun" event in my day with the guinea fowl.

But my mind kept coming back to the lesson!  It started a flow of remembrance in my heart of how good and faithful the Lord has been the last few years to guide me the right way.  I have faced so, so, so many situations where I truly had no idea which way to go or what to do.  I've shared very openly, but I've probably only shared about a third of the things I've walked through.  I honestly can't believe all that has happened in our lives on this unexpected journey.

The biggest decisions I've faced have been about treatment and care for both Floyd and myself.  Those have been huge!  But I've also faced decisions about finances - about home maintenance and upkeep - about ministry situations - about the best use of my limited energy - about legal questions that have huge implications - and so, so many more things.  Normally Floyd would be the one I'd process with.  I've missed him immensely.

But the truly beautiful thing is that God has guided me question by question, step by step, decision by decision.  I have earnestly cried out to Him asking for help and direction.  My family and friends have been a great support.  I'm so grateful for them!  But many times they didn't have the answers either.  God has graciously intervened and given me the wisdom I've needed time and time again - and confirmed those decisions with a sweet "peace that passes understanding."

I've said it before and I'll say it a thousand times more - I can't conceive of how anyone can make it through trials like this without the Lord.  He has been my guide.....counselling and directing me each step of the way.  He has been my strength in every moment of weakness.  He has been my sufficiency when I didn't think I could keep going.  He has been my comfort in lonely, tear-filled moments.

He has given me practical wisdom in dealing with things that I have no experience with.  He has been enough - more than enough!  He has never failed me, always been on time, and has lovingly encouraged me that I'll make it through every twist and turn and every rise and fall of the dreaded roller coaster on this long journey.  How immeasurably faithful He has been!

Thomas Jefferson once said, "Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom."  As we humbly, honestly ask God for help and wisdom - He comes in with the fullness of who He is to meet us as we cry out for His help.  

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."  James 1:5

"Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding." Proverbs 3:13 

"The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."  James 3:17

"The Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding."  Proverbs 2:6

I don't think I'm quite as dumb as that guinea fowl (at least I hope not!), but I've certainly needed a lot of help.  God has wonderfully directed me where I've needed to go each time I've called upon Him.  He has been kind and generous with His wisdom.  We are never alone!  He is always available to hear us and to meet us in our need for His grace and wisdom.  How awesome He is!

His Amazing Joy!

Someone commented to me recently that they were surprised that I don't get depressed with all that has happened in these last few years.  I guess I've never thought of it that way.  Thankfully, by God's grace, that hasn't been the case.  I guess what I've experienced is that when it's hard, and often seems to get harder, and I know I can't make it - I just have to press in closer to the Lord.  He always helps me, and gives me greater and greater depths of His joy....which is our strength.

I know that may sound a little crazy.  But especially as I thank Him, worship Him, and speak out my trust in Him - it somehow expands my capacity for His joy which I desperately need.  And that powerful joy that He ministers to my heart protects me from being depressed.  That's the only way I know to explain it.

That doesn't mean I haven't had some low days.....some heavy days.....many, many hard days.  I definitely have!  As I've written these updates, I've tried to be as open and vulnerable with you as I know how, so I've shared the good and the hard times.  But the low times don't "stick" because of the love, grace, and joy that He has ministered to my heart.  It's not the natural law of things, but I think it is the spiritual way that God has provided for us.

We live in a painful world.  There are so many tragic things happening.  There is so much sickness.  There seems to be increasing numbers of natural disasters.  There are unanswered prayers that we can't understand.  There are difficult things that all of us face day by day by day.  But we are not helpless in these events!  God is with us.  He is faithful.  And I believe He has deeper and deeper pathways for us to walk into in our relationship with Him.  He will never leave us alone, in the hard situations.  He is right beside us, each moment of each day.  He holds our hand and is closer than the air we breathe. 

I know that depression is very real.  For those who battle it - my heart breaks for them.  I went through a season of depression after the birth of one of our children.  It was extremely difficult.  And we can't ignore it or pretend it's not there.  I just feel grateful that He has protected my heart from it on this long unexpected journey.

I think He's been teaching me is that when I reach "my end" it's not THE end.  He has greater and greater provision available of all that I need.  And He has invited me to join Him on a special journey of pouring that provision into my heart and life.  I can't thank Him enough.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."  Philippians 4:8

"But you, O Lord, are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high."  Psalm 3:3

"Why, my soul, are you downcast?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Saviour and my God."  Psalm 42:11

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  John 16:33

"The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand."  Psalm 37:23,24

"I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me and heard my cry.  He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.  He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God."  Psalm 40:1-3

"A bruised reed He will not break, and a faintly burning wick He will not quench."  Isaiah 42:3

He has kept me from being broken on this journey!  My heart is full of His goodness.  He is so very faithful!

Speed Bumps

Floyd has been quiet, serious, peaceful, tired.  I understand the tiredness.  I, too, would be so tired after all he has gone through.  

Throughout this week I've had 2 prayers echoing on my heart to pray for Floyd.  I've prayed that he won't feel abandoned in the long hours when we're not there.  Floyd is such a "people person."  I know the long hours alone would be hard for him.  We have a "Care Team" that spends time with him, but we can't be there all the time.  The doctors, nurses, and therapists love him and are very warm and caring with him too.

I've also felt to pray protection for him from any lies of the enemy that would bombard his heart and mind.  I don't want the enemy to take advantage of Floyd being weary.  

We continue to pray for grace and strength for him for whatever is still ahead.

It has been 3 1/2 years since this unexpected journey began.  It seems like it has gone on forever…and, in other ways, the trauma of all that happened seems like just yesterday.  The only sure thing in it all has been God's goodness and faithfulness.  He has been my steady rock and refuge.  I couldn't have made it without His strength and grace.

There's a medical facility that I go to fairly frequently that has something that I don't particularly like - speed bumps!  The speed bumps they have seem like small mountains.  I understand the reason and need for them, but theirs seem unusually high.  You have to slow down to pretty much a stop before going over them.

I seem to encounter speed bumps on our journey too.  A "small mountain" that comes into my path that I can't avoid or ignore.  I pretty much have to come to a full stop before I can continue on my way.  Everything in my life has to be re-examined in relationship to the new bump in my path.

I hit one of those bumps a few weeks ago!  I had some medical checkups.  I am feeling good.  I look good.  Except for the "winter bugs," I'm healthy and have had no symptoms of cancer problems.  I was expecting to get an "all clear," good news type of report.  But, instead, I was told that there is a new tumor.  This is the 3rd return of this awful disease, the 4th time now that I'm battling it.  Needless to say, it was disheartening.  My heart felt bruised from the impact.

I received the news at the end of an exhausting week of medical and therapy appointments.  I know that things hit harder when I'm tired.  I took the weekend to talk to the Lord about it all.  I wanted to keep hope alive in my heart - but I found that I had to keep stepping over disappointment and weariness to get to that hope.  I realized I wasn't just tired from the week - I was tired from the 5+ years of the cancer battle.  I knew I needed to strengthen myself in the Lord.

I reminded myself that I'm alive!  That is very important, and somewhat unexpected according to my doctors.  It's definitely an answer to prayer.  The Lord brought this scripture to my attention. Luke 18:1 - "Jesus taught the apostles to keep praying and never stop or lose hope."  I chose to keep praying and keep hoping.  As I did that, the heaviness began to lift.  My heart settled with a gentle peace.

I heard Bill Johnson say that "our darkest situation is a table of fellowship."  I so believe that.  I've experienced it over and over again.  And I had the opportunity these past weeks for a new, fresh, deeper level of fellowship with the Lord as I processed the news I received - the bump in the journey.  I'm so grateful for that precious intimacy with Him.

"My life, my every moment, my destiny - it's all in your hands."  Psalm 31:15 TPT

"I raise my eyes toward the mountains.  From whence shall come my help?  My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth."  Psalm 121:1,2

"Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.  Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

This bump in the road (that felt like a small mountain) has pushed me closer into the heart of God.  My trust is in Him.  My hope is in Him.  As Psalm 121 says,  I know God doesn't slumber, and I'm asking Him to "not let my foot be moved" from walking close by His side holding His hand. 

During my recent checkups, I had to do one of my least favorite things - WAIT.  I had to wait for results, wait for advice on treatment, wait to see what my days and weeks ahead were going to look like.  The hours and days seemed to drag by as I waited.

We have waited a long time on this unexpected journey, too.  We've waited to see what God plans to do.  We've prayed up a storm, and then we've waited for answers.  Will God heal Floyd?  Will He take him to heaven?  Is there another answer that we don't see?  It's been a very long season of waiting.

One of the things I've learned is that the waiting time is not wasted time, it's a time of preparation.  The only way to "shortcut" through hard times is to walk hand in hand with the Lord, keeping my eyes on Him, and whispering "Jesus" when I need Him to help me in times of weakness. 

I think another thing I've learned is that the waiting time is as important as the answers we get.  It's during the waiting that I have the opportunity to choose to keep my focus and eyes on the Lord - regardless of what the answers are.  Keeping my focus on the Lord, on His Word, on His promises, on His character is so very important. I've had to choose it over and over and over.  As I've done that, I've had such deep and precious revelations about who God is.  And as I understand who He is, it releases His grace to wait for the fulfillment of all He has for us on this journey.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord."  Psalm 27:14

"Behold, as the eyes of servants look unto the hand of their masters.....so our eyes wait upon the Lord our God." Psalm 123:2

"Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day."  Psalm 25:5

"Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield."  Psalm 33:20

"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation.  My God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

I realize that the waiting is easier said than done, but it's so important.  I learned that afresh in my recent situation.  I heard someone say that difficult times will diminish us, define us, or develop us.  I want to learn and grow in the waiting times.  And we don't have to wait alone - He's right with us!

Whenever I face "hard" news about Floyd, myself, or one of our family - I find I need to be on guard to keep things in their right perspective.  It's good for me to do this - to make sure I have the foundation stones of truth laid in regard to the things happening in my life.  There are many of these foundation stones, but I thought I'd share a few that have been helpful to me.  These are like a "grid" that I look through in facing the events that come my way.

·      It's important to remember that each day is a gift.  Even the hard days!  As I open and receive the gift of the day, it then allows me to look to God to help me with whatever happens that day.

God is with us on the good days - and I think even more especially on the hard days.  I find I can easily see Him on the good days, but I might have to look more carefully into the mist of the unwanted circumstances of hard days to see His hand at work on my behalf.  Somehow the enemy wants us to think on the hard days that God escaped and took off somewhere.  But as I whisper His name and tell God I need Him - the light of His presence shines brightly into the mist of the hard day.

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38,39

·      I remind myself of the foundation stone of hope.  There is ALWAYS hope - even in the bleakest situations - because we serve a God of hope.  If I look at the circumstances, I'll probably be overwhelmed.  But if I focus on God, on His power, on His might - then hope rises in my heart and the heaviness of the situation lifts.  I have to keep my eyes on Him throughout each and every day.

"Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Saviour, and my hope is in you all day long."  Psalm 25:5

·      I also affirm the foundation stone of His grace and strength.  I can't do whatever I'm facing, but He can!  His grace is sufficient.  His power is perfect in my weakness.  He gives strength to the weary.  He adjusts His strength and grace according or our need.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  2 Corinthians 12:9

·      I mustn't forget the foundation stone of "casting" my cares on Him.  I'm not able to carry the burdens and cares, but He easily can!  My burdens don't weigh Him down.  As I give them to Him, my load gets lighter.  I can continually throw my cares into His strong, waiting hands.

"Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you."  1 Peter 5:7

·      And a very, very important foundation stone - remembering that I'm not alone!  Not even for once second, one nano-second of the day or night am I on my own.  He is continually with me, watching over me, holding my right hand, bearing my burdens, giving me grace, building up hope in my heart, and reminding me of the gift of "this" day that He has given me.

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot slip - He who watches over you will not slumber; Indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all harm - He will watch over your life;  the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."  Psalm 121

As I said, there are many, many foundation stones - but these are a few that help me.  Whether the day holds good news or bad, I "filter" the events of the day through the grid of these sure and steady foundation stones to guide my day.  And I stand firm and secure on Him, my Rock, as I navigate what comes my way. 

Then there is one foundation stone that overlooks all the others.  One of the most important foundation stones in my life - continually choosing to trust the Lord come what may!  He is absolutely, 100%, always trustworthy with both the big things and all the little small things that crop up.

It's so important when we hit a "bump" in the road (one of those speed bumps that I don't like), that we choose trust.  I sometimes see people immediately blame God when something happens. "Why did God do this to me?"  "Why did God allow this?"  "Why didn't God step in and keep this from happening?"  "Where was God when I needed Him?"  "I've served God all my life - why am I going through this?"  "How could a loving God allow this?"

Maybe it's human nature.  We want to find something/someone to blame when things go wrong.  It has to be someone's fault!  But, actually, we live in a fallen, imperfect world.  Bad things DO happen to really good people......and it's not God's fault, or anyone's fault.

I remember a time a number of years ago when we had gone through a particularly difficult and trying season......and then something else happened that was very, very hard.  My initial response was to say to the Lord - "Haven't we had enough?  Why are you allowing more to come our way?"  The words were barely out of my mouth when I felt so convicted - although I'd already had enough time to tell Floyd how unfair I thought it was. :(  But I knew that wasn't the right response!  I repented to the Lord and to Floyd.  And I asked God for help and grace to go through the new trial.

That was a good lesson learning experience for me.  I know that I know that I know that it's so important when a hard time comes along - that I immediately need to say to the Lord "I trust you in this."  I pray this out to the Lord daily.  I don't understand a lot of things that have happened to us, but I trust God in them.  I may never understand!  Some things will probably never make sense to my finite mind, but I can still choose to trust God.

The other foundation stones that I mentioned are all under girded by His trustworthiness in every situation that comes my way!!!  All of those foundation stones are solid and secure because of who He is.  His character is sure, unchanging, and true.

I have written about trusting God before - on a number of occasions actually.  But I know that I myself have to keep coming back to this - so it bears repeating.  We lived for a few years in the high desert in southern California.  The area where we lived was a granite mountain range.  One day we had a pretty strong earthquake.  I wondered if the house would come tumbling down.  But we actually "rolled" through the earthquake.  I watched the ground as the whole house rolled.  It was the most unusual experience.  The only damage we had was a stone on the corner of the fireplace hearth fell off.

The granite mountain, our foundation, was strong.  It absorbed the shock of the earthquake, and we could just roll with it.  When a new shock comes our way - I remember that very visual image.  God is my sure, strong, faithful, trustworthy foundation.  As I hang onto Him, He can help me "roll" through the earthquakes that come our way.

I'm still walking through some "aftershocks" of the diagnosis of my cancer returning.  Some of those have hit pretty hard.  I am choosing the rock solid foundation of God's trustworthiness.  There is no better place for me to be.

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock."  Matthew 7:24

"The Rock!  His work is perfect, for all His ways are just: a God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteous and upright is He."  Deuteronomy 32:4

"There is no one holy like the Lord, indeed, there is no one besides you, nor is there any rock like our God."  1 Samuel 2:2

"He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken."  Psalm 62:2 

"For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ."  1 Corinthians 3:11

"He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord."  Psalm 112:7

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because He trusts in you."  Isaiah 26:3

We live in a constantly changing world, but the one sure thing we can count on is that our wonderful God is completely trustworthy!  He is the firm foundation on which we can stand - come what may!  How faithful He is.

Keep Climbing

Floyd is continuing to strengthen and recover from the 2 chest infections he had.  The doctor said he is making good improvement.  He seemed to enjoy it when some long time friends from out of South Africa visited him over the weekend.

When those of us on the "Care Team" for Floyd are with him, one of the things we try to do is encourage him.  He always soaks it up!  We remind him of how much he's loved.  I share emails that people have written that express appreciation.  We tell him that he's not forgotten.  It always seems to mean so much to him - and seems to minister to his heart.  Encouragement is healing.

I was thinking about a birthday that is coming up - and out of nowhere I remembered a birthday celebration from many years ago.  We were living in The Cleft in the red light district in Amsterdam.  We had gotten to know one of the ladies in the windows, and we found out it was her birthday.  We invited her to our tiny apartment to celebrate.  She was surprised, but excited to come.  I baked her a birthday cake, and we gave her some small gifts.  In getting to know her, we were able to mention a couple things that we appreciated about her.  To say she was overwhelmed by it all would be a massive understatement.  She said she couldn't remember anyone ever celebrating her birthday before.  Encouragement can be a powerful voice into someone's life.

A few days ago, I was feeling rather low because I've been so sick.  In my quiet time the Lord directed my attention to a passage of scripture that poured out His love for all of us.  I was so blessed by the wonderful, constant, rich, amazing love of the Lord for us, for me.  It so blessed my heart!  Encouragement can minister to the needs in our heart.

Also this week, just when I was starting to feel better, I got sick yet again.  It made me feel so battle weary.  One night, just before going to bed, I got a sweet email of love and affirmation.  It made me smile, and filled my heart with a sweet joy.  It was a lovely way to go to sleep.  Encouragement lifts our spirits in a way that nothing else can.

We all need love and affirmation.  Whatever our situation we have the need for encouragement in our hearts.  It's one of the ways God has made us because He wants our lives to be interwoven.  As we share encouragement, it draws us closer to each other.......just as God's affirmation draws us closer to Him.  I think because of all I've been going through, my sensitivity to how important encouragement is has been heightened.  It really is powerful.

"So speak encouraging words to one another.  Build up hope so you'll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind.  I know you're already doing this; just keep on doing it."  1 Thessalonians 5:11 The Message

"Let your conversation be always full of grace."  Colossians 4:6

"The soothing tongue is a tree of life."  Proverbs 15:4 

"The tongue of the wise brings healing."  Proverbs 12:18

"Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."  Ephesians 4:29

These last few weeks because of being sick so many times, it has felt like I’ve been taking 2 steps forward and 3 steps backward.  On this unexpected journey we've been on, there have been many times when I have felt like that.  

Over these many months when it feels like I've slid backwards at times, I've been grateful for the Lord's help in giving me strength to pick up the pieces, shake the dust off, and begin again.  He has given me the  grace for that each time. 

Someone sent me an amazing video clip of a little bear trying to climb a steep, snowy hill.  The mama bear is waiting for him at the top.  The little bear slides down the hill over and over - but each time he begins again.  I love bears anyway, and as I've watched this video a number of times I found that I could so relate to the little bear.  At one point he is almost to the top - and then he slides waaaay down the hill and you think he's gone this time.  But he finds a way to manoeuvre and keep climbing.  He is so determined.

Meanwhile the mama bear paces anxiously back and forth waiting for her cub.  I'm sure it was hard for the mama bear to not go down the mountain and help the cub.......but she knows the cub needs to learn how to climb.  It's the only way the cub will survive in the future.  

As I watched this I could just see the Lord watching me as I slide backwards sometimes in my trials.  He knows I need to go through them in order to get strong and grow in my faith and trust in Him.  He knows I need to learn the lessons.  He knows I need to learn how to climb higher.  God could easily rescue me in the trials, but in His tender love for me He allows me to walk through them.....to slide backwards sometimes.....in order to grow and mature.  He's watching anxiously over me all the time - never abandoning me!

I want to be determined like this little bear!  I want to keep climbing the mountain - never giving up no matter how many times I slide backwards.  I can imagine that little bear keeping its mama in view as he works hard each time to climb to the top.  I want to keep my eyes on the Lord as I climb!  I want to grow in my trust and love for Him.  I want to keep going and get to the top of the mountain.  I know the Lord will help me!

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

"But you, be strong and do not lose courage, for there is reward for your work."  2 Chronicles 15:7

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."  2 Timothy 4:7

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him."  James 1:12

Determination is not some magical power or super-spiritual anointing.  It is simply deciding in our hearts that with God's grace and help we'll keep climbing that snowy mountain.....just like the little bear......no matter how many times we slide backwards!

Watch the bear video here!

Embracing the Adventures

Floyd is doing better.  The chest infection isn't gone, but he's stronger.  He's attentive, smiling some, and definitely not so miserable.  

A while back I shared about joyful dependence.  Some people asked questions about what I shared.  May I emphasize that the joy the Lord gives us is not dependent on our circumstances.  In fact, it's usually in spite of our circumstances!  It doesn't really make sense.  We can be going through hard, gruelling, painful situations - and yet be joyful!  We're not crazy.  It's one of the "ways of the kingdom" that doesn't make sense without the Lord.

But with our wonderful Lord, it makes perfect sense.  He's the one who can give "beauty for ashes."  He's the one who, in the oft used example, can take sour lemons and make sweet lemonade.

In recent days when I've been quite sick, I have felt "low" physically.  I even found it a bit discouraging to be fighting yet one more thing.  But - underneath all that remained a joy.  It's very hard to describe, but it's real!  I consider it a sweet gift from the Lord.  For the Christian, I think joy is our "birthright."  It's something He deposits into our spirit by His grace.

I heard one person say - there are storms around me, but peace within me.  That's what I've felt in these recent days.  The peace that brings His joy.  It is precious.

"Now may God, the inspiration and fountain of hope, fill you to overflowing with uncontainable joy and perfect peace as you trust in Him.  And may the power of the Holy Spirit continually surround your life with His super-abundance until you radiate with hope!"  Romans 15:13-15  TPT

Joy, peace, and hope - what more can we ask for?!

In a "season" - or journey - like I'm walking through, there is lots of time to think.  I have thought back through all the years of our lives - from meeting at a YWAM Easter outreach in Las Vegas.....to being married when we were SO young.....to having our first home in Afghanistan.....to living on a house boat in Amsterdam with a toddler and a puppy while expecting baby number 2.....to raising our children in the red light district in Amsterdam.....to training leaders in the Colorado mountains while caring for our daughter who was sick for a number of years.....to pastoring a church in the middle of America.....to starting over and pioneering in a new country when we were just about to hit the age that everyone retires.  There have been very few "dull" moments!

We were speaking in a church in Canada one time that was pastored by some friends.  As Floyd was introducing me, he made the statement that "I'm not very adventurous."  The pastor and his wife burst out laughing!!  The list above speaks for itself I think. :)  And that doesn't include some "adventures" I had before we married!

I heard the statement recently - "Usually is the enemy of adventure."  My first thought was that Floyd and I haven't followed the "usually" in life......and we have certainly had lots of adventures!  Sometimes it has scared me to death, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Growing up in Galveston, Texas I knew God had a plan for my life.  I knew that it was going to be "different" (not what everyone usually did), but I had no idea of how it would unfold into the life I've had.

It's made me realize how grateful I am that God is in control!  We'd make a mess of things otherwise.  But when He's in control, He has so many wonderful things in store for us.  Even what we're walking through now isn't "usual" - battling cancer over and over while my husband is lying in a hospital bed unable to speak or move......well, even this has been an "adventure."  Not one I would want necessarily, but certainly one where I've seen God's goodness and faithfulness.  I would hate to have missed all the beautiful lessons He's brought into my life during this time!

As I look back over our life together while I've had this time to think, I can see how God has grown us, prepared us, strengthened us, and gotten us ready to face perhaps the biggest adventure of our lives.  It fills my heart with gratitude to Him for how He's had His hand on us all these years.  And it makes me love Him for His care.  I wouldn't want to have missed out on any of the adventures He's had for us.  We can relax when we're in His sovereign hands.

I guess what I'm also saying is that it's important to "embrace" the adventures that come - both the good ones and the hard ones.  We may not like them (I certainly haven't liked some of the ones I've walked through), but if we'll embrace them and trust the Lord in them - there will be good in the hardest situations.  No, I'm not saying that God brings the hard things.  We live in a fallen world and hard things will happen to all of us.  But we have the opportunity to trust God in the hard things, and allow Him to bring good through them.

"The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."  Isaiah 58:11

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."  Proverbs 16:9

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you."  Psalm 32:8

"The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him; though he may stumble, he will not fall for the Lord upholds him with His hand."  Psalm 37:23,24

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5,6

There is much I could say about embracing what comes our way.  I've done a 90 minute teaching on it in the past.  But suffice it to say that as we embrace what God allows into our lives, there is good that follows.  There is a sweet adventure in walking with Him through everything that comes our way!

A Warrior Not a Worrier

Floyd is doing better.  It seems he has had 2 infections.  He's not totally well, but he's much better than a few days ago.  He tries to focus in on our visits, but gets tired easily.  We continue to pray that he will feel better.

I was watching a Hallmark movie recently (I'm a fan of them).  It was about a woman trying to conquer her fears.  She said "when do we stop being a worrier and start being a warrior?"  I thought about that for a while, and realized that's pretty much what I face each day.  I have to step over the worries of all that's happening in our lives, and choose to put my hand in the Lord's......and go to battle to overcome the challenges and fears that I'm facing.  I want to be a warrior!

My mother was a very Godly woman.  She was a woman of prayer and intercession.  She had great faith, and was very generous with the limited resources we had.  She modelled so many wonderful examples of living a life of trust in the Lord.

But she was also a worrier.  It was her weak spot.  I can understand it in terms of things she had to face.  She lived through the Great Depression and the war years.  She lost her first husband, and had to raise 4 children as a single mom in those hard years.  She had lots to worry about!  I'm not sure I could have survived all that.

But her way of worrying made an impact on me.  I've had to work to overcome that in my life.  And on the unexpected journey we've been on, it's been a big test for me.  I'm sure it's why God has highlighted trusting Him to me over and over.  Trust in God protects me from worry!  As I make the choice to trust God, I can't make a choice to worry at the same time!  They contradict each other.  Thoughts of worry may be because I'm not fully trusting God.  Worry can be unbelief in disguise.

In fact, I've found it important to resist the temptation to worry.  When worry tries to creep in, I have to make conscious choices to turn my thoughts and attention to God and His faithfulness.  Often when I find worrying thoughts filling my mind, I realize I haven't given these things to the Lord.  Many times they are "little" things, small issues.  God is concerned about every detail of our lives.  There's nothing too small to talk to Him about.

I was looking over some old sermon notes of Floyd's.  In one of them he said that there are 2 words that make up the word worry - to divide.....the mind.  That's what worry does.  It divides our mind from focusing on trusting God!  And we don't want to be double-minded.  The Bible warns against that.

For every worry we might have, the simple antidote is to focus our heart, mind, and emotions into trusting our wonderful God.  And instead, we can be mighty warriors of trust in God!

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matthew 6:34

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

"Then Jesus said to His disciples: 'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.' "  Luke 12:22

"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken."  Psalm 55:22

Many of us are in the thick of the battle in terms of things we are facing.  We do feel like "warriors" trying to overcome the things we're going through.  I read an anonymous quote (often attributed to Winston Churchill) - "If you're going through hell, keep going!"  We can purpose our hearts to trust God in the midst of the big battles we're facing!  We can push worries away and choose to be warriors of the faith!

A few weeks ago I had a throat infection/chest congestion/cough, etc.  I had to take some meds to get rid of it.  I was so glad when it was gone.  I was fine for about 3 weeks, and then last week it seemed to return with a vengeance.  I now have a raging infection in my mouth and throat.  I'm feeling really weak, worn down, and quite awful.

It's been a bit discouraging to me because I have worked so hard at building up my system and immunity.  We're in winter, so there are lots of "bugs" going around.  I seem to be vulnerable to them.

A couple days ago I was looking through some of Floyd's files trying to find some notes for someone.  I came across a large sheet of paper with only 3 sentences on it - hand written by Floyd.  It said:

"Pain and suffering are God's gifts to us to drive us to Jesus.  In our sufferings we share in His sufferings.  In our shame we meet His glory."

It felt as if Floyd himself was speaking to me in the midst of my being so sick.  I could hear his "voice."  It was very special to my heart.  And it put things back in perspective.  I need to keep my eyes and my heart focused on the Lord - even as, or maybe especially because, I'm feeling weary and worn down.

I'd be the first to admit that I'm not a fan of suffering when it comes along!  But I'd also have to admit that I've seen the "gift" of what God brings into our life through it.  The closeness, the intimacy, the grace, the comfort, the daily release of His sufficiency to help us - those are all things that I don't know how we can experience any other way.  No one can meet us in our suffering in the way He does.  I'm grateful for that gift.

"God met me more than halfway, He freed me from my anxious fears. Look at Him; give Him your warmest smile.  Never hide your feelings from Him.  When I was desperate, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot.  God's angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray.  Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see - how good God is.  Blessed are you who run to Him."  Psalm 34:4-8  The Message

I am running to Him in my physical weakness today.  I am speaking out my trust to Him - opening my heart to receive His grace and strength.  

Trust is Powerful

Floyd is not doing well.  He is battling a chest infection and was pretty miserable this week.  He still attentively listened to everything I shared, but it broke my heart to see him feeling so awful.  

I know it's hard for everyone to understand exactly what Floyd's condition is.  I've tried to explain it, but it's hard to grasp unless you are here with him.  One thing to clarify - he's not in a coma!  He is conscious.  He recognizes us, he listens attentively most days, he seems to understand, and he often responds in some way to let us know he is tracking with what we are saying.  There are, however, some days when he just doesn't "connect" with us.  His attention seems elsewhere.  Because he can't speak to tell us things, we don't always know what is happening with him.  On his good days, he greets us with a big smile.

We recently passed the 40 months milestone for Floyd's illness.  It's a strange thing.  In some ways it seems to have gone by quickly.  In other ways it seems to have been forever.  All we can do is just walk through one-day-at-a-time.  

Lots of my days start off "normal" - calm, peaceful, with things to do that day, but not intense.  And then suddenly, like a light switch being flipped.......things come along that bring storms into the day.  The day becomes stressful and intense in an instant.

I've had some of those days this week.  Each time, I immediately knew I couldn't make it on my own.  I needed God's help.  I needed Him to rescue me in a few situations.  A couple times I've found myself saying to the Lord - "Really?  You want me to have to deal with this?"  He was probably chuckling at my attitude.  I'm glad He is patient with me and has a sense of humour.

I'm learning once again, in very profound ways, that I can't just live on yesterday's grace and on the strength of times gone by.  I need to receive afresh His mercies that are new every morning, and lean into them each day, for each new thing that comes along.  Sometimes I have to receive that fresh grace and help many times a day!

Someone sent me the photo I've used at the top of this post.  I absolutely love it!  When I'm facing something overwhelming, I think of this photo.  "Aslan" is right beside me!!  He will help me get through anything.  I can just picture the mighty "Lion of Judah" standing beside me in the daily battles.

There are so many verses about God "holding our right hand."  Sometimes I stretch out my hand and imagine Him holding it while I speak out promises from the Word of how He'll be with me.  I sense His presence with me in the "battle" of the day.

In the midst of these things this week, the Lord put the word BRAVE on my heart and gave me a simple understanding of what it meant for me:

B - be bold, in the strength of His might

R - be resilient, don't let the storms blow me over

A - be alert, watching for things I need to take a stand against

V - be vigorous, in my pursuit of God's grace

E - be eager to learn and grow

I think these are the things He is asking of me as I hold firmly to His right hand.  I can be "brave" because of His help.  Aslan is by my side!

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end.  They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22,23

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.' "  Isaiah 41:13

"He is at my right hand.  I will not be shaken."  Psalm 16:8

"Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand."  Psalm 73:23

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."  Psalm 46:1

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."  Exodus 14:14

Our character will be shown in the great moments, the big moments of life, but it is formed and developed in the small moments.  Each day when I encounter the small things that bring the storms - God is using those "small" things to grow my character.  He is faithful to help me. Certainly my character has been formed and developed over all my years, but it's not over.  I'm still learning and growing!

I've mentioned before that shortly before Floyd got sick, the Lord gave him a word about breakthrough.  He didn't understand what it meant, but he knew it was an important word for him.  Through his illness, we've prayed for that breakthrough.  Maybe we've seen it - maybe not.  Several people have suggested to me some ideas about what it might mean.  I'm still not sure, so I keep lifting it to the Lord.

I've also mentioned often that I trust the Lord.  I trust Him when we don't see the answers we'd like to our prayers.  I trust Him when I don't understand some of the things we are walking through.  I trust Him on good days and on hard days.  I trust Him for Floyd's future - and for mine.

A few weeks ago I was talking with a friend, and he made the statement to me that "trust is better than breakthrough."  Those words grabbed my attention, and I have pondered them in my heart over and over.  I'm sure He is right!

There is probably nothing more important in our walk with the Lord than trusting Him.  Absolute trust - in spite of circumstances, and especially in times when things don't make sense to our limited understanding.  I tell the Lord - over and over, many times a day - "I trust you!!!"  The more I say it, the more it becomes a sure anchor in my soul. 

But I'm fully aware that trust isn't always easy.  In fact, in our walk with the Lord, I think the enemy does all he can to keep us from trusting God because He understands how powerful it is when we do trust.  The enemy tries to sow seeds of mistrust continually.  He whispers lies into our hearts when we don't immediately see answers to prayer.  He tells us God doesn't care when our suffering goes on for a long time.  On difficult days when we're overwhelmed with all we are going through, the enemy will want us to believe that we're on our own.  The enemy doesn't want us to trust God!

The simple reason for that is because trusting God is powerful.  It keeps us steadily on course even when everything in our situation tries to pull us away from God.  Trust keeps us focused on God's promises, His provision, His power.  Trust takes our eyes off our situation and onto looking at our wonderful, faithful Father.  Trust opens our heart to a place where we can receive God's help.

Trust in God drives away fear - any fear we have because of what we're walking through.  Trust opens the door for the promises of God to be alive and part of our life each day.  Trust gets rid of worry and discouragement.  Trust brings strength when we keep our focus on the Lord's power.  I've found trust to be one of the main "keys" for helping me persevere on this long unexpected journey.  And trust is something we can all choose!  

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5,6

"See, God has come to save me.  I will trust in Him and not be afraid.  The Lord God is my strength and my song; He has given me victory."  Isaiah 12:2

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you."  Psalm 56:3

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me."  Psalm 28:7

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."  Isaiah 26:3 

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

If you are struggling with trusting God, one of the things that's helpful is to speak out trust in His wonderful promises:

- I trust in your faithfulness.  Deuteronomy 32:4

- I trust in your unfailing love.  Psalm 52:8

- I trust in your lovingkindness.  Psalm 63:3,4

- I trust that you are near to me when I call.  Psalm 145:18

- I trust that you will help me when I'm weak.  Isaiah 40:29

- I trust that you hold my right hand.  Isaiah 41:13

- I trust that you give wisdom.  James 1:5

- I trust that you have good plans for my life.  Jeremiah 29:11

The list is ENDLESS!!!  He has promised to meet our every need.  We can trust Him.

In our situation, I don't know if we'll see the "breakthrough" we want or that we expected.  But I know that I daily see the fruit of trusting the Lord.  He is so good and so faithful!  I have found that, truly, trust is better than breakthrough!