God Looks at the Heart

We continue to pray for Floyd’s protection from the virus.  I daily pray that "no harm will come near his room."  I am so grateful to the Lord that although is battling some of the winter congestion and phlegm, he has been fine. 

Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I don't recognize myself!   There are lots of new wrinkles! That happens as the years roll by.  My face is a little fuller because of weight gain from the cancer treatment I'm on.  But the thing I notice most right now is that my hair is so much longer.  No haircuts the last 5 months!  Someone asked me when the last time was that my hair was this long.  I thought, and realized it was the 1970s. :)  It's about down to my shoulders.  I've always kept my hair short.  Floyd would actually complain if I let it grow as he loves me with short hair!

As I look at this person that looks so different to the "me" that I know, I have a new appreciation for the verse that says God doesn't see as man sees.  "Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."  I'm really very grateful that God sees the heart and not just this very different person that I'm looking at in the mirror.  I'm not too fond of this new look.

I can't always control what's happening to me on the outside - but I can surely control what's going on in my heart!  If I allow any sin to enter my heart (pride, anger, jealousy, rebellion, disobedience, greed unforgiveness - anything that doesn't reflect the Lord) - God will surely see it even if no one else does.  It will grieve Him, and He will hold me accountable.  I need to regularly examine my heart to make sure none of these ugly attitudes enter in.

On the flip side, even though my outward body is crumbling away - if I keep my heart clean and pure before Him......it brings Him pleasure and glorifies Him.  That is my desire, and I ask God to help me continually.

I was thinking about the things that impact our hearts:

·      disappointment over unanswered prayer

·      hurt in relationships

·      insecurity and feelings of rejection

·      tension in our families

·      fear for the future

·      illness and physical pain

I guess the list is endless!  There are so many things that can batter our hearts.

It starts with a problem.  Then our minds think about it over and over.  It slowly consumes our thoughts.  And, before you know it, our hearts are overwhelmed with the problem.  The problem takes on immense proportions......and God is pushed to a small corner in our hearts.  I've had this happen.  In fact, I know how easily it can happen.

We have to make daily choices to "cast our cares and burdens on the Lord" and keep our focus on who He is in the midst of the problems.  He is the One who can solve the problems.  We can't!  And we can't let the problems consume us.

I've had messages recently from a number of friends and acquaintances who are feeling the weight of the pandemic - mentally and emotionally.  Some have lost jobs.  Others are physically ill.  Many are weighed down with fear for the future.  It IS a stressful time.  I feel it too.  That is why we must keep guard over our hearts and minds and continually press into the Lord to help us.  We can't allow any room for the enemy to exploit our situations.

God understands the difficulties we face!  He is continually with us.  He will help us with each burden, each care, each worry, each need as we turn our hearts to Him.  He is so faithful!

"But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Don't judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him.  The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them.  People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.' "  1 Samuel 16:7

"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life."  Proverbs 4:23 

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."  Matthew 5:8

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."  Psalm 51:10

"Trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths."  Proverbs 3:5,6

It doesn't matter how old (or young) we are - whether a long time Christian (or a brand new one) - we must keep guard over our hearts so that when God looks at our hearts, He will be pleased.

I'm an organized person - very detailed.  I think through things in great detail.  I always have lists.  I've been like this from my earliest years, so I know it's how God has made me - and I receive it as a gift from Him.  In fact, I've been grateful all my life for how God made me as I've seen Him use that gifting in me.

Floyd is a visionary.  I know it's how God made him.  It's not that he lacks organization, he doesn't - but the visionary side of him is so dominant.  You can imagine that our two very different giftings made for an interesting marriage.  We had to learn how to use our giftings together - how to complement one another.  In the beginning I think we just irritated each other!  :)  But we worked on it!!

My detail was actually a help to Floyd - but he would get tired of me asking so many questions.  He said I poked holes in his visions.  I had to learn to listen more and not find all the weak spots in his visions!  He, in turn, had to learn how to work out the details of his visions.  He used to joke and say if he could get his visions past me - they had to be from the Lord!!

It took time, practice, and lots of patience......but we learned why God put us together.  We were actually a really good team, and we loved working together in the things God had for us.  I needed my visionary husband, and he needed his practical, detailed wife.

I was thinking about this recently, and began to think of how God is both visionary and practical.  He is the ultimate detail person - and yet He sees the big picture.  He knows where it's all going - what the plan is.  I was suddenly overwhelmed with the awesomeness of God as I reflected on this.  He has a plan, a purpose for our lives.  He knows where He's leading us on the journey, even unexpected ones.....and He is also with us in every single detail.  As I struggle through some of the hardships of my days, He is right by my side - helping me with each difficulty.  He gives me the understanding I need to sort through every detail of this journey.  How incredible and faithful He is!

"Moreover you shall make the tabernacle with ten curtains of fine woven linen and blue, purple, and scarlet thread; with artistic designs of cherubim you shall weave them."  Exodus 26:1 

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care."  Matthew 10:29

"The steps of a man are ordered by the Lord who takes delight in his journey."  Psalm 37:23

"So make yourself an ark out of cedar, constructing compartments in it, and cover it inside and out with tar.  Make the ark like this: 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide, and 30 cubits high.  Make a roof for the ark, and finish the walls to within one cubit from the top."  Genesis 6:14-16

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth."  Genesis 1:1 

The Bible is filled with verses that show God's love of detail!  I'm so grateful for that.  I can come to Him with every detail in my life.

Someone wrote recently and said "standing with you on our knees."  I loved the visual imagery - and I loved the commitment.  I’m so thankful for each one who prays for us and stands with us on their knees.  I am so grateful! 

Pull Up The Weeds

This week the doctor said that Floyd is doing well.  On one of her checks he was in his chair and gave her a big smile.  That warms my heart to hear that.  We're having some bitter cold winter weather so I’m grateful Floyd is doing well.  

I have unexpected things come up from time to time that I have to deal with.  I'm dealing with one of those at the moment.  I've been trying not to stress, but the potential implications of this particular matter are quite huge......so I've been concerned.  Of course I've been praying daily - many times a day.  

On Wednesday evening I was talking to the Lord again about it all.  My heart was stirred about the miracle working power of the Lord!  I thought of all the miracles I've seen in my lifetime.  I KNOW that God intervenes in situations with His miracle power.  I began to pray for a miracle with the matter I'm dealing with.  I went on to pray for family and friends, but I was particularly burdened to pray for the current situation.  I went to bed after praying with a fresh peace in my heart.

The next morning I got an email from the person I've been dealing with.  She explained to me about some consultations she'd had, and the end result is that the situation was resolved!!!!!  It was truly a MIRACLE.  There were so many other ways it could have gone - more likely ways.  It's also the kind of thing that could have dragged on for months and months.  There's still some follow up, but the issue is settled.  I was so, so, so relieved!  I had a wonderful time of worship in thanking the Lord.  I'm still thanking Him!

This experience has given me fresh faith and hope in my heart to pray for more miracles.  I think sometimes when I don't see miracles, don't see immediate answers to prayer - I get "laid back" in my prayers.  I still pray, but not with the same fervency.  I have fresh fervency after seeing this miracle!!

I know that each one of you reading this has things on your heart that you need answers for - you need miracles for.  Let's stir our hearts to ask and believe for answers.  I know God hears.  He listens to each prayer.  He sees our hearts.  He feels our pain in the difficult situations.  Let's keep asking God for miracles - for ourselves, for our friends and loved ones, and for our nations.

"I am the Lord, the God of all mankind.  Is anything too hard for me?"  Jeremiah 32:27 

"Jesus replied, 'What is impossible with man is possible with God.' " Luke 18:27 

"If I were you, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before Him.  He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted."  Job 5:8,9 

"Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, He gave thanks and broke them.  Then He gave them to the disciples to distribute to the people.  They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over."  Luke 9:16,17

"I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."  Psalm 9:1

We can't demand, but we can ask!  I'm asking afresh. 

One day this week I was looking out at our small garden, our driveway, our fence with vines on it - and everything looked neglected, overgrown, and rather sad.  There are whole "forests" of weeds!  I usually hire a young man to help me with upkeep in pulling up the weeds and keeping things in good shape.  But, of course, he hasn't been here in 5 months.  It's amazing how quickly it gets out of hand if not constantly tended.

I couldn't help but think of what I was looking at being a reflection of my heart.  It, too, needs continual care or "weeds" come and things get neglected.  I need to constantly be in communication with the Lord to keep my heart close to Him.  I can never let my heart grow untended.  Thinking about this brought to mind something that happened to me early in my life.

I have loved the Lord since I was a young girl.  My very earliest memories are of talking to Jesus, kneeling beside my bed in prayer, and waking up in the night with an awareness of the Lord's presence.  But in my early teen years I became frustrated.  I had so many questions.  I loved the Lord, but I couldn't understand the legalism in the church I grew up in.  So many rules!  They didn't even make sense to me.  I felt like my heart was dying.

Right around this time I became very sick.  I ended up in the hospital with lots of tests being done.  The results were that I had a serious illness - one that could impact my whole life.  The doctors were puzzled by some things, however, and wanted to run all the tests again the next day to confirm what they'd found. 

I lay in my hospital bed talking to the Lord that day.  I cried out to Him.  As if a light bulb was suddenly turned on, it became clear to me that because of my questions and frustrations I had lost a lot of the joy in my walk with the Lord.  I told the Lord how sorry I was about that.  I told Him if I was going to be sick the rest of my life, I didn't want to lose my joy!!! 

The most amazing thing happened!  It felt like a fountain was turned on inside of me and was bubbling up.  I could feel my joy returning.  I lay in that bed laughing because I felt so incredibly joyful - light almost.  The heaviness I had been carrying was gone. The questions and frustrations didn't matter as long as I had the joy of the Lord in my heart!  The "weeds" were pulled up in my heart.

The next day all the tests were run again.  The doctor came in to talk to my parents and me and said he didn't know what had happened, but all the tests came back negative.  There was nothing wrong with me.  I could go home.  It wasn't long after that that I heard about YWAM and went on my first outreach.  The Lord answered the cry of my heart in helping me find freedom and direction in life.  And, wonderfully, in ways only God can orchestrate - it's where I met Floyd and another sweet direction in my life began.  God had a plan all along!

The number of cases of the virus have been declining in South Africa.  Today we were able to go to a lower level of lockdown restrictions.  The day will come when my garden will get attention and the weeds will be pulled up.  "Joy" will return to my garden - just as it did to my heart all those many years ago.

"Instead of the thorn bush the cypress will come up, and instead of the nettle the myrtle will come up, and it will be a memorial to the Lord, for an everlasting sign which will not be cut off."  Isaiah 55:13 

"Jesus presented another parable to them, saying, 'The kingdom of heaven can be compared to a man who sowed good seed in his field....."  Matthew 13:24

"Neglecting the heart is never a good thing.  Our hearts offer the wellspring of life and we must, above all else, protect and guard it."  Proverbs 4:23

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control."  Galatians 5:22

God doesn't want us to have hearts full of "weeds."  Some weeds can quickly have deep roots if not pulled up.  The same thing can happen in our hearts if we don't keep watch.  God will help and protect us if we'll stay close to Him.  As we keep tender, soft hearts before Him - He'll bring beauty and new life.  He'll fill us with His joy! 

Get Used To Different

Floyd is resting well at the moment.  I had so many special birthday greetings for him!  I've been doing a short video each day for the therapist to share with him so that I can pass on all of them.  I'm sure he is being blessed by all the love and best wishes.  

I had a lovely birthday on Wednesday last week.  Because I'm in isolation and we're in the middle of a pandemic, I honestly didn't have any expectations for my special day.  I woke up early while it was still dark, thanking the Lord that I was alive to celebrate another birthday!  A while later the sun came up, and I rejoiced that the sun was shining.  The day before it had been overcast and raining, so having sunshine was definitely a gift!

The baboons came to visit early in the day.  I decided to see it as them joining in my birthday celebration - although in reality they are an absolute nuisance.  

I started getting lots of birthday messages on my phone and computer.  It was very special - greetings of love and encouragement from friends near and far.  Each message warmed my heart.

In the early afternoon my son came to sit on our front deck/porch/stoep - whatever you like to call it.  We sat at a distance with our masks on.  It was nice to chat with him, and he brought me a couple special treats.  A little later a friend came to bring me a lovely home-cooked dinner - chicken enchiladas.  So yummy!

As I went back out to the deck, my son asked me to come look at something on the driveway below.  And there, to my immense surprise, were 9 of my friends serenading me.  What a joy that was!  I haven't seen most of them since before lockdown.  I was overwhelmed.  It was so special.  It was truly the icing on the proverbial cake!  After they left I was tearful - I felt so blessed.

There was a beautiful, dramatic sunset to cap off the day.  Then after my dinner, I read more messages and went to bed feeling like my cup was running over with goodness and joy!  I felt so blessed.  It was beyond anything I would have expected during this unusual season.  God, my son, my family from afar, and my friends here and around the world truly made it a special day!

A few days ago I was sitting on our deck enjoying the sun.  I looked over at an old wine barrel that has some flowering plants in it.  A couple years ago I had a large plant in it - but it died during our drought.  I then bought a few very small plants with gray/green leaves and tiny pink flowers to replace the plant.  They have now grown into an abundance of flowering plants.  

As I looked at them I realized that they were all positioned towards the sun.  They strain quite dramatically towards the warm rays of sunshine.....and as they've done that, they have grown, multiplied, and flourished.  The few tiny plants are now many, many plants with an abundance of pink flowers. 

Of course I thought of the lesson this gives for our lives.  As we turn towards the Son, take in His strength and grace - we can then grow and flourish as well.  We often feel small like those plants were in the beginning.....but with the warm rays of truth, love, encouragement, and support from the Son - our lives are changed.  These lovely plants are a valuable lesson.

"We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen.  We look at this Son and see God's original purpose in everything created.  For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels - everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him.  He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment.  And when it comes to the church, He organizes and holds it together, like a head does a body.  So spacious is He, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in Him without crowding.  Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe - people and things, animals and atoms - get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of His death, His blood that poured down from the cross.  You yourselves are a case study of what He does.  At one time you all had your backs turned to God, thinking rebellious thoughts of Him, giving Him trouble every chance you got.  But now, by giving Himself completely at the cross, actually dying for you, Christ brought you over to God's side and put your lives together, whole and holy in His presence.  You don't walk away from a gift like that!  You stay grounded and steady in that bond of trust."

Colossians 1:15-23  The Message

I think the overwhelming message to my heart during our birthday week, is that a worldwide pandemic doesn't hinder the outpouring of God's love and goodness ...primarily through His dear people.

I've recently watched the series "The Chosen" on the life of Jesus.  In fact I'm watching it for a second time - picking up on many details I missed the first time.  I've loved it and have found it very life giving.  There is a scene where Simon Peter is questioning something Jesus is doing because it's "different."  Jesus responds to him by saying "get used to different!"  

As I've thought about it, I've realized that statement kinda sums up our walk with the Lord.  SO many things are different!  We can't live a normal, ordinary life if we're walking in relationship and intimacy with Him.  Just about everything is "different" when our hearts and lives are surrendered to Him.   

For the most part, we probably don't want to get used to different.  It's more secure, more comfortable for things to stay the same.  Different means change, adjustment, sometimes doing things we don't like.  Different can mean losing control - turning over control at a deeper level to the Lord.  Different may mean giving up things we like and enjoy.  Different may not feel good - it can even be painful.  Different can certainly present challenges in our life and in our character.  Different is, well, DIFFERENT!

I don't always like different.  In fact, most of the time I don't like it.  I'm a creature of habit.  I like routine.  I like to know what's going to happen and when.  Marrying my dear husband and following him all over the world has been a life full of "different."  I guess you could say I've had to get used to it. :)

The last few years on our unexpected journey has been chock-a-block full of different.  After almost 49 years of married life, I found myself suddenly living as a single person.  My husband's life was hanging by a thread......and mine was right beside him as I've battled cancer.  I've faced huge daily decisions for months on end without my best friend who I had always counseled with for decisions.  There was not only our personal lives to figure out how to go forward, but also the All Nations ministry that we had led.  Different, different, different.  I've frequently been asked how I'd describe the last few years.  It's hard to sum it up in a word or two, but different would certainly be a word at the top of my list.

And yet, as the months have gone by, I have enough perspective that I can now look back and say "different is okay."  I have had times of loneliness, but I've never felt alone!  God has been so close, so real, so always present!  I have come to walk in a new, deep level of trust in the Lord that I don't know how I could have learned otherwise.  I have seen God be my husband in Floyd's absence in sweet and precious ways.  As I've ridden the "roller coaster" I've felt God holding my hand and assuring me that He's watching over me.

We are all living through an incredibly different season right now.  It's off the charts different!  But God is with us each moment of each day.  He will help and guide us through this unprecedented time.  He will never leave us or forsake us.  He will give us the strength and grace we need to face each challenge.  He is faithful!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:8,9

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable are His judgements and how inscrutable His ways!"  Romans 11:33

"Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths."  Psalm 25:4

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29:11

When God is leading and guiding us, different is always good - always His best for us.  I have no idea what's ahead......but it will probably hold more "different."  I'm trying my best to get used to it.  And I'm so very grateful for the prayers of many that help me navigate all the different things!

A Boat Named Floyd

Floyd's condition remains steady.  I continue to have a combination of good/not-so-good days......but the biggest blessing is that we've had lots of sunny days! 

Knowing that I love hydrangeas, someone sent me a photo of the pruning she recently did on her gorgeous big bush of them.  I was a bit stunned.  It seemed so drastic.  When I questioned her about it, she assured me that it was needed.  She said the bush was overloaded and new buds couldn't get the light and nutrients they needed.  Some of the old blossoms had been burnt by the summer sun too.  I was still surprised at how much she had pruned.

Well, sure enough.  It wasn't too many days later that she was telling me lots of new flower buds were emerging.  She had done exactly what the beautiful bush needed to keep flourishing.  If you've read very many of my posts, you'll know that of course I would "ponder" this.  And I have been.

There are many times when the "pruning" in my life feels drastic.  At the moment it feels never-ending.  I sometimes wonder if God is sure about all He is allowing to come my way.  It feels like so much has been "trimmed."  I feel exposed, and vulnerable at times.  But I also have come to know that it's not a punishment.....it's more of a gift, a reward.  He sees the potential in me for growth, for more.  He lovingly prunes away the unneeded things so that there's more room for Him in my life.  I guess I should be concerned if He's NOT pruning!

In times of physical suffering, we all focus on the "outside" pain.  While I've been on our unexpected journey, I've realized that the most important things happening in my life are unseen.  They're in my heart, in my relationship with the Lord.  The suffering is only the conduit for the deeper things God is working on.

The pruning in my life will look different from the pruning in yours.  Only God knows what is needed in our lives to help us grow.  In our times of hardship and suffering, we can trust Him.  He won't prune too much.....even if it looks drastic.  He knows just what we need.  

We are all walking through a world-wide pandemic.  And then we are each facing individual needs, hardships, problems.  It's a lot!  But God is right with us.  He's by our side.  He is using all that we are facing to make us more like Him.  The pruning may feel severe, drastic - but beauty is coming from it.

"Every branch in me that does not bear fruit He takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit."  John 15:2

"The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience.  And God is faithful.  He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand."  1 Corinthians 10:13

"Although He was a son, He learned obedience from the things He suffered."  Hebrews 5:8

"Our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory."  2 Corinthians 4:17

We can't run or hide from God's work in our lives.  But we can trust Him.  He has good things in store for us through the pruning He does in our lives.  Just as the hydrangea bush is now having beautiful new flowers after being pruned, so we will have beauty in our lives as we allow God to work in us.

Encouragement is such a powerful thing.  It can be so simple - a gentle smile, a quiet thank you, a word of appreciation or affirmation, a small token that says "I love you."  It doesn't cost much for us to express it, but it can mean the world to the one on the receiving end.  We are made in such a way that encouragement strengthens us, brings healing, and brightens our day.

August 3 was Floyd's 75th birthday.  The years have flown by, and the last few years have been very different and difficult ones as we've walked along our unexpected journey.  I would have loved to be with Floyd for his birthday, but, of course, that's not allowed these days under our pandemic restrictions.  I sent a video message to him that they played first thing in the morning - the therapist said he was very "vocal" and responsive.  And the staff sang to him.  I prayed for the Lord to comfort him and encourage his heart.

And - lo and behold!  We've had some special encouragements in recent days.  I keep telling Floyd that he is loved and not forgotten - each of these have been reminders of that.

A few days ago I received news about "a boat named Floyd."  Some YWAMMERS in Amsterdam launched a small boat.  They named it Floyd, and launched it with the prayer that Floyd would be healed.  I've attached some photos at the bottom of this update.  It's parked at The Cleft which is very special.  That's where our family lived when we first moved into the red light district in Amsterdam.  People have big ships named after them, but this little boat being named after Floyd because of the prayers being prayed for him couldn't be more meaningful.  I told Floyd all about it.  This was such a sweet encouragement.

The hospital where Floyd is has been very busy.   Something special happened with a temporary doctor that the hospital hired to help with their patient load.  This doctor was assigned to Floyd.  It just so "happens" that the doctor heard Floyd speak in the 1980s at the University of Stellenbosch.  Floyd's message had an impact on him.  He thanked Floyd and said Floyd gave him a big grin.

That was a timely reminder to Floyd of what I've said - he's not forgotten.  It's amazing to me that the doctor remembered Floyd and his message from over 30 years ago.  I don't think I remember messages from that long ago.  This was definitely an encouragement!

I received an email message on the morning of Floyd's birthday from a man in the US.  He was awakened 2 nights previously with Floyd's name coming over and over to him.  He didn't know of Floyd, so he got up out of bed and looked him up.  He read about his background, his ministry, his books, and learned that he's been sick.  Then he prayed for us.  This certainly fits the bill as an encouragement......God waking someone up in the middle of the night to pray for him who doesn't even know him!!

I think you can see how each of these things were such special gifts for Floyd (and for me) for his 75th birthday.  They are priceless!  

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up."  1 Thessalonians 5:11

"Encourage one another every day, while it is called today."  Hebrews 3:13

"Who comforts us in all our afflictions so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."  2 Corinthians 1:4

"Comfort one another with these words."  1 Thessalonians 4:18

"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."  Proverbs 16:24

"Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up."  Proverbs 12:25

I am so grateful for the love and prayers for us on this journey.  I am keenly aware that I couldn't have made it all this time on my own.  I frequently tell Floyd not to worry about me - that my weary hands are being upheld by friends from all over the world.  Their encouragement has blessed me!

Hope Is A Verb

Floyd's condition is holding steady and I have had a good week – I’m thankful for that! 
I love the word hope.  Even when I hear it spoken it does something in my heart.  Something rises up with expectation.  It's a beautiful word.  In my more normal life, I love wearing a pair of earrings that say "hope" (you can see them above).  They remind me of the power of hope.  They were made by one of our All Nations ministries that sees God changing lives because of His hope.

The phrase has been echoing in my mind this week - "hope is a verb".  Yes, I know it's a noun as well.  But I feel the Lord has been impressing upon me to emphasize it being a verb.  As a noun, it's a feeling of trust, of expectation, of desire.  As a verb, it's wanting that feeling/trust/expectation to actually happen.  It goes beyond the feeling to expectation.  It's expecting something with confidence.  It's desiring with expectation.  It's active and alive!

Years ago in Kabul, Afghanistan when we worked with the hippies of that era, a young woman came to the Lord.  She was vibrant in her newfound faith.  Her face seemed to shine with the joy of the Lord that she had found.  She decided she wanted a new name for her new life.  She chose the name Hope.  I loved it.  She had gone from heaviness to beauty in coming to know Jesus.  She exemplified "hope".

The use of the word hope in the Bible seems to swing back and forth between the noun and verb side.  Sometimes I'm not sure which it is.  But I know that I must activate my hope in order to have faith for the things I'm praying for.  Biblical hope is expecting what God has promised because He is faithful!  I can activate my hope and trust Him.  I can remember that hope is a verb and have hope, hope, hope for the impossible by faith because of God's goodness and greatness and faithfulness.

As I am praying for our family, for our friends, for our country - I am hoping, with renewed faith, for God to move and answer prayer.  Once we choose hope, anything is possible.

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence."  Psalm 41:5

"The eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love."  Psalm 33:18

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:1

"Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed."  Isaiah 49:23b

"Hope in the Lord!  For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with Him is plentiful redemption."  Psalm 130:7

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."  Hebrews 11:1

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord."  Jeremiah 17:7

As I meditate on these verses, hope builds in my heart.  It comes alive!

On our unexpected journey....and in the times in which we are all living - I activate my hope to trust God for answers to many prayers.  Hope is a verb that I want to put to use daily in my life.

A couple days ago, I woke up with a heaviness in my heart.  I felt anxious and stressed as well.  I could physically feel the weight of all this.  There are some practical reasons for what was happening, but it was extreme and I knew I couldn't go through my day feeling this way. 

When I wake up each morning, I have a therapeutic hot drink first thing that's part of my daily treatment regimen - and then I have breakfast.  By the time I have breakfast it's been about 15 hours since I last ate, and I'm usually so hungry.  On the morning when I woke up with this heaviness/stress/anxiety - I knew I couldn't proceed as normal.  I simply pushed "normal" aside and started to pray and talk to the Lord about what I was feeling.  A friend texted me right then, and I asked her to pray for me too.

For about an hour I prayed, worshipped the Lord, called out to Him, read promises from the Bible......and waited on God to help me.  Just as I could physically feel the heaviness when I woke up - I began to physically feel it lifting!  It was like a weight being lifted off of me.  As I "cast my burdens" on the Lord - I sensed Him taking them from my heart.  There was a sweet presence of the Lord that replaced the burdens.....an awareness of His love and care for me and for our family.  It stayed with me all through the day - on what ended up to be a wonderful day!  In fact, all through that day and the following day I felt like God was "filling my cup" to overflowing with the sweetness and grace of His presence.

I read an article recently stating that the "root of the word persevere is the word severe."  You and I are walking through "severe" things.  But we are not alone on the journey as we persevere.  My "wake up call" experience was a good reminder of how to respond to the heavy things we face......and a reminder of how God will meet us.  I know this, of course, but it was like God wanted to add an explanation point right now to show His power to meet me and help me.  It was a dramatic demonstration into my life.  I can't persevere on my own through the heaviness of all that is happening in my life - but God can meet me and help me.  He does this because He is so incredibly faithful!

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved."  Psalm 55:22

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."  1 Peter 5:6,7 

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles."  Psalm 34:17 

"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you;  I will sustain you and I will rescue you."  Isaiah 46:4

Casting our burdens, our cares, the weights we are carrying onto the Lord isn't just a nice spiritual phrase.  It's a very real thing we can do - and God meets us in a very real way.  He showed me that again in my recent experience.  I am so grateful! 

Fix Your Toughts On Jesus

I had some encouraging messages recently that I shared in a video message to Floyd this week.  The therapist said he was so alert and responsive to what I shared.  I'm so glad it touched and encouraged his heart.  

I had a couple answers to prayer this week.  They were very specific things, and I saw very specific answers.  I was so grateful!  It meant a lot to me, and was a real boost to my faith.

I guess it also made me freshly aware that there are things I pray for where I don't see an answer - or at least not that I'm aware of.  I think many times God is working on our behalf to bring answers, but we can't see what's going on.  I certainly don't feel that any of my prayers are wasted!  Quite the opposite.  But it was nice to have some clear specific answers to things I had prayed.  It's caused me to "ponder" these things. 

I've had people write and tell me they're discouraged because Floyd and I haven't been healed.  They don't feel God is answering their prayers.  That's not my perspective!  I believe God is actively involved in our lives.  I don't know all of His plans and purposes for this season.  We may or may not be healed.  But I am fully, 100% aware that God is at work.  I feel His presence, grace, and strength each day.  I sense that God is working in this time in ways that I can't see.  I don't feel He's ignoring our prayers - just the opposite.  I feel He's working around the clock in our situation to accomplish things that are on His heart.

I've lived long enough now to see that some prayers I prayed that seemed like they weren't being answered.......actually were answered in a different way to what I thought would happen.  Aren't you glad we can trust God's wisdom in what is best and not just trust our own way of doing things?  He takes our prayers, sees our hearts, and then wisely answers them from His perspective and wisdom. 

I will never stop asking for healing - in whatever way God brings it!  God gives us that freedom to keep asking.  I've seen lots of points of healing along the way.  And I'm still alive in answer to prayer!  I am so very grateful for all the prayers of those lifting us up.  I will continue to pray for healing or heaven for Floyd.

I guess the bottom line is that prayer is about relationship with the Lord.  We call out to Him in our need.  We tell Him how we feel.  We seek His help and strength.  The Bible is full of both answered and unanswered prayers......and I see in each situation the importance of drawing near to the Lord.  Prayer isn't a button we push to get what we want.  It's not about the answers, the results we get - it's about walking in fellowship with our Father.  Jesus took time in His walk on earth to pray to the Father.  He set the example for us of walking in fellowship through prayer.

"Pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests."  Ephesians 6:18

"Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."  Jeremiah 29:12

"Is anyone among you in trouble?  Let them pray."  James 5:13

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"The Lord is near to all who call on Him."  Psalm 145:18

"Pray continually."  1 Thessalonians 5:17

Prayer is perhaps one of the biggest conundrums of the Bible.  Hundreds, maybe thousands, of books have been written on the subject.  We'll never have all the answers of the why and why not to our prayers.  But I'm so grateful for the gift of prayer in being able to lift up my needs to the Lord.  I'm grateful for the intimacy and fellowship that comes through prayer.  

I've recently had some difficult days.  One day in particular I was feeling quite sick.  I was calling out to the Lord to help me get through the day.  I had this impression come to my mind - "find me in the moment."  I was a bit puzzled as I was already praying.  I stopped and thought about it, and began to focus on who Jesus is.

He is my healer - my companion - my sustainer - my help - my rock - my refuge - my strength - my Savior - my friend.  I focused on who He is.......not just what I needed from Him.  No, the yuckiness of how I was feeling didn't disappear - but my focus changed from me and my needs to His greatness and all that He is.  I can't quite explain it, but this change of focus lifted the heaviness off my difficult day.  I was still sick, but my day was "lighter." 

As I focused on Jesus and His greatness, it felt like something was released.  As I "found Him in the moment," I also found new grace, new strength, new comfort.  I somehow tapped into His provision for me by focusing on Him.

Some years ago Floyd bought me a telescope for our living room so that I can look out and enjoy the ocean.  When I look through the lens, I can see the ocean......but I have to adjust it and focus in on things to really enjoy the beauty of what I'm seeing.  I think this is what is happening as I look for Him in the moment.

It has given me a new "guideline" of what to do in my times of need.  I look to Him - I focus on Him......lifting up my need to him......but choosing to direct my attention to His goodness and mercy instead of concentrating on what I need.  The change of focus is powerful.

"Holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess."  Hebrews 3:1

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."  Matthew 11:28,29

"You will seek me and find me, when you search for me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:13

"You will show me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."  Psalm 16:11

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him."  Psalm 62:5

I mentioned to someone recently that each step of this unexpected journey we've been on reveals new truths from God's heart to my heart.  The sorrows aren't wasted.  The hard times bear rich fruit.  God is so faithful! 

Little Blessings

Floyd is holding steady.  I am so grateful that even with the strong winter weather we've been having, he is doing ok.  

I have a friend, Sylvie, who is undergoing intensive treatment for cancer right now.  She and I keep in almost daily communication to encourage one another in our "battle."  Sylvie made a statement recently that stuck with me.  She talked about the blessing of a "feeling good" day.  There are definitely days when she and I don't feel good!

Her comment made me realize how important it is to be grateful for the little things - like a "feeling good" day when I have one.  It's made me more aware, more conscious of the little things I take for granted.  I am directing my focus to the "little" things I have to be grateful for.  As I thank the Lord for them - they seem to take on greater significance.......and I realize even more what a blessing they are.  It's easy to look for, even wait for, the "big" things to be grateful for......but the little things are just as important and are just as much gifts from the Father's hand.  I don't want to miss expressing gratefulness to the Lord for them.  Especially during the stress of the pandemic, I want to keep my focus on all the blessings in my life.

Here are just a few things I'm grateful for right now: 

• a "dry" home

• electricity (when it's turned off - I appreciate it even more)

• I'm not a fan of rain, but I'm very grateful we're getting our winter rains so that we don't have drought again.  The water shortages a couple years ago, when we hadn't gotten enough rain, were very difficult.

• I'm grateful for fleece clothing - it helps so much in keeping me warm.

• I'm grateful that groceries can be delivered!  Such a blessing during lockdown.

• I'm grateful for good neighbors.  We recently had a scare on our street around 8 p.m.  Within seconds, our whatsapp group was buzzing, 3 neighborhood men were out checking on things, and 2 neighbors contacted me to make sure I was okay.  It made me feel so safe and watched out for.

• I'm so grateful for our modern day technology that allows me to be in instant communication with family and friends around the world.

• I'm very grateful that I am having more "feeling good" days than bad days at the moment.  That is a HUGE blessing to me!

My list could so on and on - but that gives you an idea of how God is helping me see the little, and not-so-little, things in my life that are blessings from His hand.  I'm so grateful for each one.

There's an old song that says "count your blessings.....name them one by one.....and it will surprise you what the Lord has done."  As I look for the "little" blessings in my life - not just the big ones.....I am continually amazed at all God has done.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above."  James 1:17

"God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."  2 Corinthians 9:8

"From His abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another."  John 1:16 NLT 

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing."  Psalm 23:1 

Sometimes my body kinda drags a little more because of the weather, but my heart is full because of God's goodness!  I have so much to be grateful for.  I am blessed!

The last week has been a bit hard for me because of quite a few factors… it's been challenging.  I was talking to the Lord about it, and I felt He took me to something familiar and basic - being content in any circumstance!  I certainly know that principle.  In many ways I've lived by that standard for years - for my whole life actually, but it's good to be reminded.

When different, unusual, hard circumstances come our way - it can feel so impacting that we forget that basic principle.  Paul tells us in Philippians "I have learned the secret of being content in EVERY situation."  Some situations seem so unusual (a world wide pandemic) that it seems like there must be a different guiding directive for them.  But, no - the same thing applies.

It doesn't matter if it's 1 thing impacting our lives or 100.  It doesn't matter if we feel good or we're sick.  It doesn't matter if we're alone or surrounded by friends and family.  It doesn't matter if the weather is good or bad.  It doesn't matter if we have electricity or not.  It doesn't matter if we get good news about something or terrible news.  It doesn't have to do with how much we have or don't have.  The same principle applies for each situation - we need to learn to be content.

The key word is LEARN.  It may not come easily.  It may not be our first response.  It may be something we have to actively work on.  But it's achievable because God gave it as a principle for us to follow.  It means we can't look back wishing for something in the past - and we can't look forward longing for something that's still to come.  We have to be content in the here and now.

Contentment involves trust - trust in God's plan for our life.  Trust that He will help us whatever comes our way.  Trust that He is truly, truly with us each moment of the day.  Trust that all the promises in His word that we stand on are true.  Trust that His grace is sufficient for everything we face.  Trust that He will give us strength - and peace.

Contentment also involves hope - hope that God is hearing our prayers and answering them.  Hope for a better tomorrow in spite of the hardships of today.  Hope that we will make it through whatever we are facing.

I'm still on the "learning" journey - with trust and hope in my heart! 

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:12,13 

"Godliness with contentment is great gain.  For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.  But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."  1 Timothy 6:6-8

"And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness."  Therefore I am content with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:9,10

"A heart at peace gives life to the body."  Proverbs 14:30

Contentment isn't something we search for and find.  It's an attitude of our heart - regardless of what our situation may be.  I'm grateful for God reminding me of this in the midst of a hard week.

Angels Watching Over Us

Floyd is holding steady at the moment - no better, no worse.  We've had a couple lovely sunny winter days this week.  He gets nice sunshine in his room on days like these, so I'm sure that's been special for him.  

In my last post, I wrote about the "why" questions we deal with when a trial, tragedy, or time of suffering comes our way.  A friend sent me this quote afterwards.  “We have no right to ask when a sorrow comes, “Why did this happen to me?” unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way.”  That's a good way to look at it!

I recently wrote about the "gift of laughter."  It is such a very wonderful gift.  Laughter releases lots of endorphins in our body - we can't help but feel better.  I had a good laugh at myself a few days ago. 

The current treatment that I'm on causes me to gain weight and lose hair.  I wish it was the other way around!  :)  I don't lose clumps of hair - rather strands of it.  On a typical day I'll lose 30+ strands of hair.  I have a few spots on my scalp that are getting pretty thin.  I hope I don't end up with bald patches.  It's a good thing my hair was thick to begin with.  I've always joked that I have enough hair for two people, but I'm not sure how long that will remain true.

I was cleaning off some of the strands from my clothing when I thought of the verse that says "even the very hairs of your head are all numbered."  Luke 12:7  In my situation that takes constant monitoring!  I suddenly had a picture in my mind of an angel standing by keeping count of the number of my hairs to give a daily accounting to the Lord.  No, there's no verse that says that.  It was just an image in my mind - and it struck me as funny.  I laughed and laughed.  It's a full time job keeping track of the number of my hairs!  I can almost hear the angel saying "oops!  There's another couple hairs falling out." :)

As I was thinking of that - my thoughts evolved into thinking of how the Word speaks of angels keeping guard over us.  There have been numerous times in our lives when we've been sure that angels protected us.  And I'm equally sure there are countless times that we've been unaware of, as well, when angels were standing guard over us.

In the uncertain times in which we live, I take comfort in knowing God has promised to send angels our way.  I often pray for angels to be with me, with Floyd, with our family.  Floyd was speaking in a church one time.  We were staying with some friends.  After the service, a lady in the church asked one of our friends if Floyd always travelled with a bodyguard.  Our friend didn't know what she meant.  The lady said she was talking about the tall man standing behind Floyd as he spoke.  (Floyd's tall - so he needed a really tall angel!)  I wish I had seen that tall, bodyguard angel!  Why the angel was there that particular time, I have no idea.  But it was a sweet encouragement to know they're around, especially since Floyd travelled a lot.

We were in an accident one snowy night on a mountain highway when we lived in Colorado.  Thankfully we weren't going very fast when we hit "black ice."  Our car skidded, flipped, and rolled over a couple times off the highway landing upside down.  The car was in pretty bad condition.  Some other cars stopped and helped us.  When the highway patrolman arrived, he asked the people standing around if they knew how many people were killed in the car.  He was stunned when he realized we were alive.  We had some bumps and bruises, but not even any broken bones.  The patrolman said he'd never known people to survive an accident like that.  I know there were angels watching over us that night!!!

When we moved to South Africa, we lived for about 9 months with a friend.....then moved to the village where we now live.  Our house was near a lighthouse.  At night the light circling around from the lighthouse would shine into our bedroom window.  The day we moved into our house, Floyd left on a trip.  I was in a still fairly new country to me, in a new home, in a new neighborhood, and alone.  I didn't even know my neighbors yet.  As I lay in bed that first night with the light flashing into my bedroom from the lighthouse - the Lord spoke into my heart that just as that light kept shining into my bedroom.....He was with me and was giving angels to watch over me.  That word and the peace that it brought has stayed with me all these years.  I never dreamed I'd one day be living alone full time without Floyd.  It's a different house now, but the sweet peace is still with me......and I think the angels are too.

I often pray for angels to keep Floyd company in the long hours when he's alone at the hospital.  I think I've mentioned to you before that there have been times when I've been with him that he looked behind me, or over my head.  I've asked him a number of times what he's looking at - and, on several occasions, I've asked him if he sees angels.  He usually gave me a sweet, knowing smile.  He's always wanted to see an angel.  Maybe that's one of the special gifts God has given Floyd during this hard time.

"He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways."  Psalm 91:11

"I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared."  Exodus 23:20

"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and delivers them."  Psalm 34:7 

"Therefore, angels are only servants - spirits sent to care for people who will inherit salvation."  Hebrews 1:14

As my mind was reflecting on all this, I felt a fresh assurance in my heart that there are angels watching over us in this pandemic time.  I haven't seen any of them, but I'm sure they are there.  And they are there with you too!  Maybe you'll see one.

My heart has been touched by all the messages I have been receiving lately from both friends and strangers who are struggling with the impact of the times in which we are all living.  Many are anxious.  Some are fearful.  Almost all of them feel overwhelmed with situations they are facing.  Others say things are out of control.

I understand.  It's not unusual to be having these kinds of reactions.  We are truly living in an unprecedented time.  No one would have ever imagined that a worldwide pandemic, civil rights protests, and political upheaval (to name just a few things) would be happening all at once.  It sometimes feels a bit surreal.

I've been asked how to respond to all this.  I have to say that I'm learning along with everyone else!  I'm not an expert.  But there are things I've been learning in recent years that help me in this current time.  The most powerful tool l've found to respond to all these challenges is worship and praise.  Praise is the way to strength!  When our hearts are filled with gratitude, we find that we have more to be grateful for - it opens our eyes.

When I'm anxious - I worship!

When I'm fearful - I worship!

When I feel overwhelmed - I worship!

When I'm sick - I worship!

When I have more questions than answers - I worship!

When I'm tired and weary - I worship!

When I feel like things are out of control - I worship!

When I feel weak - I worship!

I start by acknowledging who God is to me.  He's my Rock, my Refuge, my Sustainer, my Comforter, my Counselor, my Husband, my source of Wisdom, my Provider, my Healer, my daily Grace......I speak out everything I can think of that God is to me.  I thank Him for being those things to me.

Then I speak out promises from the Word - especially the ones that apply to what I'm struggling with at the moment.  I was reminded today of Isaiah 26:3,4.  "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord Himself, is the Rock eternal."

I acknowledge what is heavy on my heart at the moment.  I "cast the burden" of that on the Lord.  I give it to Him because it's too much for me to carry.  Sometimes I can almost physically feel the Lord lifting the heaviness from my heart and mind and spirit.  I heard Bill Johnson say that offering up praise to the Lord is like "road building equipment.....it clears obstacles."  Confusion, pain, and loss is lifted from our hearts as we offer up our worship.

And I open my heart to receive from Him what I need.  I let the Spirit wash over me and impart to me His strength and help.  When I change the way I look at things by offering them up as worship, the things I've been looking at, focusing on, then change as well.

When we offer up worship and gratitude, it actually impacts us physically - it strengthens us, it supports our immune system, it enables us to cope.  Gratitude is a strong, powerful, empowering emotion!  Worry and stress just make us weak.  When we offer up praise, worship, gratitude - it blesses God.  Then He turns around and uses it to help and bless us.

"Because you have been my help, therefore in the shadow of your wings I will rejoice."  Psalm 63:7

"Worship Him who made heaven and earth, the sea and springs of water."  Revelation 14:7

"I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.  O my strength, I sing praise to you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God."  Psalm 59:16,17

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.  God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."  Matthew 6:34 The Message

I honestly don't know what I'd do without the gift, the tool that God has given us, of worship.  As I choose to worship the Lord - He, in turn, gets me through each and every day.  He is faithful!

Why Lord?

It's hard to believe that this year is already half over.  In some ways it seems like the last few months of the pandemic have lasted forever - and in other ways it has flown by.  I can't help but wonder what the second half of this year holds for all of us. 

Floyd is resting peacefully - no changes.  The number of COVID cases is skyrocketing here in South Africa, but thankfully Floyd is okay.  He has many long hours alone.  I've been praying, as I often have on this unexpected journey, for angels to keep him company!

In response to my recent sharing about my 6 year battle with cancer, I was asked a question.  The person said if we know we're going to heaven to be with Jesus when we die - which is a wonderful thing - why do we battle to fight sickness to stay alive?  It wasn't a criticism, it was a simple question - and I think it's a valid one.  There are probably lots of answers to that, but I'll just share my personal journey.

For me the simplest, most basic answer is because I felt the Lord told me to persevere - to not give up.  I actually think that's a foundational principle of the Christian walk with whatever hardship we face, but, for me, it was very specific in what I was facing.  I knew God would have to help me to persevere - and He has!  I also felt there were things He wanted to teach me - and He's done that!  He has been with me every day, every hour, every minute.  Many of those days, hours, and minutes have been hard.....but I have never felt alone.  He has been with me.

Another issue for me is that I wanted to continue to be by Floyd's side in what he was going through.  I vowed before God "for better or worse" in my commitment to Floyd when I married him 53 years ago.  This has definitely been on the "worse" scenario side......but I wanted to be with him.  Because of his condition, I can't physically take care of him myself.  But I have overseen and managed his care during all this time he's been sick.  There have been hundreds of details to take care of.  I'm so grateful that I've been alive to do that.

Still another issue for me is my love for my family - especially my children and grandchildren.  My heart's desire was to see them growing into all God has for them.  I didn't want to leave them prematurely.  I have loved being able to continue watching them grow and mature - especially my two grandchildren.  Watching my granddaughter's high school graduation - even though it was viral and long distance - was a special gift to my heart.

Ultimately, even if we "battle" to fight our illness - we are still in God's hands.  He's in control, not us.  He knows the number of our days.  I could have done everything I've done in fighting cancer, and God could have taken me home long before now.  I realize that my part is to persevere and to also continually give myself into His hands.  He will take me home when it's in His will and timing.  Floyd and I have both been close to death's door - Floyd especially on many occasions, but we're still here.  I believe with all my heart that there are plans and purposes on the heart of God for those delays.  I trust Him for those purposes.

I'm not a theologian, so perhaps I'm being too simplistic - but this is how I have responded, what I believe.  I have had peace on this journey even though it's not always been easy.  I am so grateful for God's sustaining grace that has helped me along.

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial."  James 1:12

"We also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope."  Romans 5:3,4

"Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."  Psalm 139:16 ESV

"You have decided the length of our lives.  You know how many months we will live, and we are not given a minute longer."  Job 14:5 NLT

I see every day as a sweet gift from the Lord.  I'm grateful for that daily gift of life.  On the hard days, God has sustained me.  And someday I'll join him in heaven.  What more could I ask for?  He is good! 

As I have continued to get responses from sharing about my cancer journey, a number of different ones have inquired about asking the "why" question when going through hard times.  Why? is certainly a question that comes into all of our minds when we face a difficulty, a test, a trial - and especially a prolonged time of suffering.  We all have questions of course, but it's important to not let those questions become our focal point.  We have to look at who God is in our situation in spite of our questions. 

I've been taught and mentored in the discipline of asking God if there's something He wants to say to me when I face a hard situation.  Maybe there's something He wants to teach me.  I open my heart and mind to hear and receive from Him if He wants to speak something specific to me.  Perhaps instead of asking why, we simply need to focus on asking what - what does He want to do in the situation.

I can remember very vividly standing by Floyd's bed in ICU in the first few days after he became sick.  I was praying for him, and I asked the Lord if there was something He wanted to say to me about what was happening.  I told Him I trusted Him - and I wasn't demanding  answers, but I wanted to open my heart to anything He wanted to say.

I felt He said that just as I trusted Him, He trusted me......and that He would walk with me through whatever was ahead.  I just needed to keep close to Him and keep my eyes on Him.  That sweet, gentle, loving assurance has carried me through in hard moments over all these months.

I have questions, of course!  I don't understand everything.  I'd love to have some answers, but I'm old enough to know that we often don't get all the answers we want.  That's where true, genuine trust comes in.  Again and again in times of doubt, confusion, or frustration - I will declare to the Lord: "I trust you.  I trust you.  I trust you."  As I speak it out, it takes root in my heart at deeper and deeper levels.  I even ask Him to help me trust Him if I'm struggling.  I sense fresh releases of His grace and strength as I declare my trust in Him.

If we're not careful, we can become so focused on asking "why?" that we miss His grace, strength, and courage to just survive what's happening.  I've seen that happen to people.  God is God.  He may or may not explain to us what is going on.....why something is happening.  We can't demand answers of Him.  And for some things, there may not be specific answers.  We live in a fallen world.  Because of that, we will experience pain and suffering.  I wish we didn't, but we do.  And because of the fallenness in our world, bad things will happen to good people.  There's not a specific reason - it's just a result of the fallen world we live in.  We mustn't agonize over why - we must focus on trusting God to get us through the hard time.

I remember one friend who was facing a big trial in his life.  He said he realized that instead of asking God "why me?" - he should think about asking "why not me?"  He realized he wasn't exempt from facing suffering in his life in our fallen world.  I think that's a helpful perspective for each of us to remember.

Questions and emotions about what we are going through aren't bad.  They're natural.  They're human.  We should tell God how we feel (He knows anyway).  God isn't bothered if we ask questions.  He's big enough to handle our questions!  We see examples of men and women of God asking questions in the Bible.  He didn't strike them down because of it.  He helped them walk through the hard situation.

But the key thing is to not let those questions, those emotions drive a wedge between us and God.  We must focus on His character, His goodness, His faithfulness - even when we don't feel like it or have the answers we want. 

Some examples of those in the Bible asking questions:

David asked, "Oh Lord why do you stand far off?  Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?"  Psalm 10:1

Job asked, "Why have you made me your target?  Have I become a burden to you?"  Job 7:20 

Habbakuk asked, "Why do you make me look at injustice?  Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?"  Habbakuk 1:3

"The disciples asked, "Why was this man born blind?"  John 9:2

And a few verses that make it clear that we'll never understand or have answers to everything! -

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,"  declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:8,9

"Have you not known?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth.  He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable."  Isaiah 40:28

"Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; His understanding is beyond measure."  Psalm 147:5

I should add to that there have been times when God has given me clear answers to some questions I've had.  I have been grateful for that.  And there are times, like now on our long unexpected journey, when I feel like I get "inklings" of understanding over time.

But - the bottom line for all is TRUST.  With or without answers I know I must stand firm in my trust in who God is.  I know that I know that I know that He is good, kind, just, and faithful! 

Intimacy Is Enhanced By Adversity

Floyd is the same.  I pray daily that he won't get the virus.  With his already weakened chest, it would be unbearable.

A family member told me about a man who has studied pandemics throughout history.  He said that the common denominator of all of them is a "humbling."  Man realizes that he is no match for nature, and the mighty are suddenly at the mercy of something out of their control.  How very true.  We often think we have things "in control."  Life is good.  Everything is going smoothly.  And then something like a pandemic comes along to turn the whole world upside down!!

We have experienced this type of "humbling" in our lives in recent years.  Tomorrow marks 6 years since I was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  I remember the day Floyd and I sat in the doctor's office and received the news.  It was so unexpected.  She gave us a rather grim prognosis.  We were in a bit of shock.  We went to the car where we sat and cried together - then we prayed together.  We told the Lord, as we have through all our lives together, that we were in His hands.  We were definitely "humbled" - not in control.  And the journey began!  

It's been a journey of 6 surgeries, 4 times of doing chemotherapy, and a number of other treatments and therapies.  It's been hard.  It's been a battle.  But I'm alive!!  My doctor says it's a miracle - not a term she normally uses.  She said that most of her patients are gone in 2 years.  She reminded me that even though I struggle with some of the effects of the cancer.......I'm alive!  She's pretty surprised about that.  I join her in saying it's a miracle - one that I'm very grateful for.

It was a short 20 months later when Floyd was struck down.  From being active, healthy, and feeling perfectly fine - to being immobile and silent in just a few days.  A huge "humbling."  A massive impact for me and our family in feeling that life was very much not in our control.  The BIG unexpected journey began.

The doctors gave him 6 months to live.  Then 12 months.  Then 18 months.......then they said they had no idea what his prognosis would be.  They are amazed that he's alive.  No one - not us, not the doctors - has been in control.  It's been a huge "humbling."

We are keenly, daily aware that it is God who is in control......even when things feel out of control.  Circumstances change all the time, but God is unchanging.  He is our solid rock, our anchor.  He is aware of everything we are facing.  We are not abandoned in the midst of the storms that hit us.  He is with us - nothing can separate us from Him.

I have no idea how our story ends.....well, I do.  Someday we'll be in heaven with Him!  But I don't know when that will be.  What I DO know, is that He is with us each and every day until that happens.  Whatever we face, whatever is "thrown" at us - we are not alone!  He is wonderfully, faithfully, always by our side.

"Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding."  Proverbs 3:5

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken."  Psalm 62:5,6 

"I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38,39

"He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."  Micah 6:8 

Sarah Young says that the intimacy we share with the Lord is enhanced by adversity when we invite Him into our experience without bitterness or resentment.  I want that "enhanced" intimacy with Him in the midst of our trials!  It is such a precious gift. 

We have been "humbled" by the things that have come into our lives, but He has walked faithfully beside us each and every day.

As the weeks continue to go by with this worldwide pandemic, I get messages from more and more of my friends telling me how hard they find it.  Some have mentioned that things seem out of control.  Others find it overwhelming.  Quite a few are discouraged.  It's not just the pandemic.  It seems like there is upheaval on many levels.  I understand how difficult it is.

But - what if I were to tell you that there was a terrible time like this in America in the past.  There was a pandemic in which 100,000+ people died in the US, and over 1 million (some say as many as 4 million) died around the world.  Morality was on the decline.  There was marching and protesting against racism - with accompanying violence and deaths.  There was tremendous political upheaval with lots of anti-government sentiment.  A friend who worked with us in Amsterdam recently shared about this and reminded me. 

The year? 1968!  It was the Hong Kong flu.  Woodstock took place that year - no social distancing!  Civil rights marches and protests against the Vietnam war were all over the country.  It was a hard, painful, traumatic time!  

And then - just a year later the Jesus Movement broke out.  God started moving in remarkable ways.  Over the next few years 3 million, mostly young people, radically came to Christ!  This continued on into the 1970s and through to the turn of the century.  Millions and millions came to know Jesus worldwide.

I've said a number of times in my updates that I wish I could see from God's perspective into what is happening with the current pandemic.  Now we also have a wave of protests all over the world.  There is tremendous political tension in this election year in the US.  How does God see all this?  I truly don't know.

But one thing I DO know - He's at work in our world!  He hasn't thrown up His hands and said "what a mess!"  No, He is working, moving, touching lives.......He is listening attentively to each and every prayer we are lifting up.  Someone said to me that it seems like God is unmoved by our prayers.  I know that's not the case.  I know His heart.  I know He is setting things in motion that we can't see.  I know He has good things in store for us.  His word promises that.

In the midst of hard times, it's so important to keep our eyes on Him.  It's vital that we keep hope alive in our hearts.  We must stand on the promises in His Word.  We must lean into Him as our Rock and Refuge more than we ever have before.

I don't know what's ahead, but I know the One who holds that future in His hands.  He is faithful and trustworthy.  I'm holding tightly to His hand as I navigate these difficult days.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast."  1 Peter 5:10

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28

"But now, this is what the Lord says - He who created you, Jacob, He who formed you, Israel: 'Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.' "  Isaiah 43:1,2

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  2 Corinthians 4:17,18

You've probably heard the saying "history repeats itself."  I'm hoping the history of the Jesus Movement/the Jesus Revival repeats itself - bigger and greater than last time.  We are walking through some hard days, but I'm confident that God has good things in store for us.  He is at work right now even if we can't see what He's doing.  Let's keep leaning into His strength and sustaining grace.

The Gift Of Laughter

Floyd is doing okay.  After some people tested positive for COVID at his hospital, he was tested.  His test came back negative.  So, for the moment, he's fine.  We keep praying for protection for him, for the staff, and for the other patients.

I sometimes forget about how unusual some aspects of my life are here.  A couple days ago I was sitting in our living room doing some work on my phone.  I was very focused, and then suddenly looked up and out the window.  There on the railing of our front deck was a row of baboons - looking very "at home" and relaxed.  I was going to take a photo, but they decided to scamper away before I could.  I had a good laugh.

In fact, in the last few days I've had a number of good laughs.  It's reminded me of what a "gift" laugher is to us.  Just as the "gift" of tears can relieve stress and heaviness in our bodies, so the "gift" of laughter can release endorphins and make us feel happier and less stressed.

I remember reading about this when our daughter was sick for 6 1/2 years.  We would rent funny videos to watch to help bring "healing" to her.  It really did help!!  The endorphins that are released can actually relieve pain, make us feel less anxious, and reduce negative feelings.  A good laugh can expand the lungs and give a similar feeling to our bodies as a good exercise.

Proverbs 17:22 tells us that a "cheerful heart is good medicine."  It's not just a nice saying, it actually does impact our bodies.  As I've had some things I've laughed and smiled about in recent days - I could hear the Lord speaking encouragement to my heart through this.  In the midst of all the heaviness in our world today, I hope you can find ways to take of the "medicine" God has given us to lift some of the heaviness from your heart!  I have definitely felt some burdens lifted off my heart as I've smiled and laughed.

"He will fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting."  Job 8:21

"Our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, 'The Lord has done great things for them.' "  Psalm 126:2

"Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh."  Luke 6:21

"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come."  Proverbs 31:25

The benefit of laughter, of smiling is, once again, something I've known about......that the Lord has reminded me of very specifically in recent days.  It's helpful to be reminded of lessons we've learned but have not thought about in a while.  I'm so grateful for this.  I'm receiving His "medicine”.

I think I envy the people who have told me that they are enjoying the lockdown - that it's easy for them - that it's restful.  I have to admit that I find it a daily challenge.  It would be one thing if it was just the matter of isolation - but having to constantly battle all the physical implications of my fight with cancer makes it so hard.  I find I'm challenged on every level.  There's never a "quiet" moment.  And, of course, my heart is concerned for Floyd all the time.

I've read a number of articles that tell me that the things I'm facing are actually "normal" for many people - so I know I'm not alone in all this.  But the most important thing is that God keeps encouraging my heart.  He's reminded me that being weak is a good place to be - because then He can fully demonstrate His strength.  He is for me, He is with me, and He will meet my need for strength.  I don't need to worry about my weakness and lack of strength.

He's also reminded me of how important it is to keep hope alive in my heart.  Hope in Him won't let me down!  My hope in Him is based on His rock solid foundation.  It doesn't change with COVID.  It doesn't change with cancer.  It doesn't change when my husband is sick in the hospital.  It doesn't change when my family is far away.  Hope in Him, keeping hope alive in my heart, is powerful.  It will carry me through the daily challenges.

" 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  2 Corinthians 12:9 

"There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off."  Proverbs 23:18

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."  Psalm 62:8

"When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off.  You sit still and trust the engineer."  Corrie ten Boom

Trusting in His strength to get me through each day, and keeping hope alive in my heart are promises that I hang onto as I continue on in our lockdown.

Take Every Thought Captive

Everything is the same for Floyd.  We continue to pray for protection for the hospital staff, for the patients, and for Floyd.

Many years ago when we were working with hippies in Afghanistan, the Lord spoke to me about being "real."  I felt so out of place in working with these young people because I was so very different to them.  I was so "clean cut" - and here we were working with all these long haired hippies.  The Lord spoke very clearly to my heart and said that as long as I was real in being who I was, I would be accepted.  I didn't need to be like them.  I just needed to be true to myself, to who God had made me to be.  It was so freeing!  And what He said was right - I was accepted and "fit" in because I was myself.  It was a good life lesson.  I have tried to live like that ever since. 

When I have openly shared my needs in this blog or the updates that I send out, I've gotten some sad feedback.  Several have written to say that when they've shared needs with other believers, they've been told they just need more faith - it's their fault.  No comfort, no understanding - just rebuke.  I could understand because I've gotten rebukes like that in times past. In fact I got a horrible rebuke like that from someone I didn't even know right after Floyd got sick.  I've never been able to comprehend how loving Christians can respond in that way to one another.

In one particular time when someone had rebuked me for sharing a need and said I should repent and have more faith.......I felt the Lord reminded me of when Jesus was getting ready to face the cross.  He was on earth in human form.  He faced every need and temptation that we face.  He cried out to the Father - "if possible let this cup pass from me."  He knew what was coming.  He knew how hard it was going to be.  He was admitting His need.  He didn't hide it from the Father.  His prayer showed His humanity, and, yes, His honesty.  I thanked the Lord for this example of being "real" and of being open and honest.

When we're going through a hard time, we don't need people to correct us and tell us how bad we are - especially if we've been vulnerable in opening our hearts to them in our need.  We need love, affirmation, encouragement, support, a kind word.  We need more encouragers.  The world has plenty of critics!  In the midst of this hard season that we are all walking through may we look for ways to build one another up, help one another, and definitely pray for one another.  I am truly eternally grateful for those who are doing that for Floyd, for our family, and for me. 

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up."  1 Thessalonians 5:11

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."  2 Corinthians 1:3,4

"Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building up the one in need and bringing grace to those who listen."  Ephesians 4:29

"Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up."  Proverbs 12:25

"Encourage one another daily."  Hebrews 3:13

A word of encouragement during a time of need or failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success!  Let's look for opportunities to share "a word of encouragement."

I've had a couple sweet answers to prayer recently.  My prayer list is long - so it's always encouraging when I can tick something off!  The Lord seems to know how to lovingly encourage my heart.

In recent days I've had a number of things come up that have been stressing and difficult.  One morning in particular I was feeling quite overwhelmed.  As I was lifting things to the Lord, I felt Him reminding me of some important principles.

I thought of the verse from 2 Corinthians 10:5 "to take every thought captive."  I realized afresh that I can't dwell on the hard, stressful, and difficult things that are pressing in on me.  The more I dwell on them, the bigger and harder they seem.  I must take those thoughts captive and take them to the Lord.  It seems so simple, but sometimes it's challenging.  However, when I do that - the things I'm concerned about get in their proper perspective from God's viewpoint.  He enables me to release them into His hands.

When I take control of my thoughts, take them captive, it allows me handle them in a Godly way - not just react to them.  As my mindset changes, then I'm able to handle things in a better way.  I can ask the Holy Spirit then to guide and direct me in dealing with the things consuming my thoughts.

I also remembered how David "strengthened himself in the Lord."  1 Samuel 30:6  In the midst of a very distressing time when his men were upset and thinking of stoning him - David turned to God for strength.  I have done that so, so many times in the last few years.  But I needed to do it again in this current time!

On the morning when I was feeling so overwhelmed, I asked two friends to pray for me.  The third thing the Lord reminded me of was to take things one-day-at-a-time.  Just as I was thinking that over, my friend sent me this verse from The Message, Matthew 6:34.  "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.  God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

It sounds so simple!  And yet so often my mind races ahead.  God's grace is sufficient for each day - but he doesn't give us a week's worth at a time.  Only a day at a time.  If I keep my focus on today, He'll help me.

Taking my thoughts captive, strengthening myself in the Lord, and living one-day-at-a-time......simple but powerful principles for helping me deal with all the overwhelming things I was facing.  I'm so grateful for His reminding me of how to deal with all that was on my heart and mind.

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31 

"Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."  Philippians 4:8

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."  Isaiah 26:3

"For as he thinks in his heart, so is he."  Proverbs 23:7

I've lived by these wonderful principles for years......especially in recent years.  And yet, it's easy in the pressure of new burdens to forget the tools God has given us.  I'm grateful for His gracious reminders to my heart of His ways. 

Our Wonderful Refuge

Floyd continues to be safe and at peace.  I can't tell you what a blessing it is to me to know that he is well cared for when I can't be with him.  

I am safe here in our home.  Although I'm alone, my whole neighborhood keeps tabs on me.  When I'm doing my "deck walking exercise," they'll call out from the street and ask how I'm doing - or they'll send messages asking me if I need anything.  I feel surrounded by sweet "angels."  I also have friends and co-workers nearby if I need help - and our son lives nearby too.  I'm alone, but not alone.  

I'm at home at the very bottom tip of the continent of Africa.  I'm on my own - and yet, amazingly, I'm in communication with friends all over the world.  What an incredible day and age we live in in terms of being able to be in contact with each other.  For me, in this pandemic season, it is a wonderful gift and blessing.

As I sit here at home and communicate with friends all over Africa, in Europe, in the US and Canada, in South America, in Asia, in the middle east, in Australia and New Zealand......I don't know anyone in Antarctica!!......I feel like I have people I can "talk" to day and night.  I think just about every time zone is covered!

One of the things I've noticed is that we are all experiencing the pandemic in different ways.  Almost every emotion and reaction is represented.  Some are really happy to have an extended quiet time at home.  Some are a bit nervous about things that aren't getting done.  Some are stressed, fearful, a bit panicked.  Some are grieving.  Some are tired of the restrictions.  Some are thinking the restrictions should go longer.  Some are tearful - others are angry.  Some are worried about the future.  It seems like there is pretty much any and every response you can think of.

And yet, in the midst of all these places around the world - and all the varied responses to the pandemic, I see a common thread.  We are all finding our refuge in HIM.  God is meeting each of us where we are and in whatever frame of mind we're in.  I love hearing the various testimonies of God's love and goodness in such personal ways to my friends.

Proverbs 18:10 is a verse that comes often to my mind.  "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."  So many times, especially during recent years, when I find myself in an uncertain or insecure situation......I picture myself running to the "strong tower" of the Lord.  When the enemy is running after me with arrows of fear, discouragement.....when I am facing decisions that I don't know how to make.....when my courage is waning and my strength is low.....I run to that tower.  I slam the door and fall into the loving arms of my Father and receive all I need from Him.

He is the refuge I need and He never fails to protect me and keep me safe.  He is my shelter, my safe haven, my peace, my security.  Once He has ministered to my needs, I venture back out to face the things I need to deal with.  But I know that "strong tower" is there if I need to run to it again.  How wonderfully faithful God is.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him."  Psalm 34:8 

"God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble."  Psalm 46:1

"I will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust!' "  Psalm 91:2

"Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me!  For my soul trusts in you; and in the shadow of your wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed by."  Psalm 57:1

"You have been a defense for the helpless, a defense for the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shade from the heat."  Isaiah 25:4

I love this last verse.  Whether we feel helpless, needy, being battered by the storm, or being scorched by the heat......He is there as our refuge.  Thank you Lord!

Tuesday was both a happy day for me, and a sad one.  It was our 53rd wedding anniversary.  I'm so very grateful for all the adventures, miracles, provision, strength, grace, and courage that we've had over our years.  We've had a wonderful life together.  But I'm sad that I couldn’t be with Floyd.  I sent him a video message.  The therapist said he smiled a bit when I talked about our adventures, and got very "vocal" when I spoke of my love for him.

All those years ago when I vowed to "go where he would go," marrying at the tender ages of 18 and 21 - I certainly never dreamed where that would take me!  

• living out of a suitcase for 5 years

• Afghanistan (back when no one had ever heard of it) 

• 2 houseboats in the main canal of Amsterdam (with a toddler, an infant, and a puppy - I worried that 2 of them might fall in the canal!)

• a farm by the heather fields in Holland (a beautiful spot with room for the kids to run and play)

• the Red Light District in Amsterdam (definitely not a "family" neighborhood!)

• California (we "landed" here after leaving Holland because of my health) 

• Colorado (where we cared for our daughter in the years when she was so sick - and where we had the privilege of training many young leaders in the Leadership School).  All Nations was begun in this season too.

• Kansas City (in the very centre of the US - pastoring a churchful of people that we dearly loved)

• and ending up in South Africa, starting all over again and pioneering as we were entering our 60s as senior citizens.  

 There's never been a dull moment!  We've had good times, hard times, stretching times, fruitful times - it's been a blessed life.

Floyd was speaking in a church one time and said I wasn't very adventurous.  The whole church, who knew us quite well, burst out laughing.  I understood what he meant, but how can you look at the list above and say I'm not adventurous.  :)  I even went on an outreach to Samoa from my island town in Texas when I was 16!

As you can imagine, I've had lots of memories floating around in my heart and mind the last few days.  I'm so grateful for God's goodness and faithfulness to us over all these years.  I truly have nothing to complain about as I look back - I only have a heart of worship and gratitude for God's goodness.  The last few years have been rough, but God has still been the same solid Rock as He's been all the years before.  He's so faithful!

"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.  Your people will be my people and your God my God."  Ruth 1:16

"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments."  Deuteronomy 7:9

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22,23 

I know that many things that have happened in our lives are an answer to prayer.  That's one of the reasons I'm so grateful for all the prayers of so many around the world in our current season.  I know we are continually being lifted to the throne of grace.

Being An Overcomer

A friend commented recently about Floyd's "silence."  He's lost his ability to speak.  But he does still communicate - with smiles, with tears, with sounds in his throat, with a lifting of his eyebrows.  I miss "talking" with him in these days when we're both in lockdown.  I send him video messages.  In a recent one I was telling him about a friend who has the virus.  I was asking him to pray for this friend.  The therapist told me that Floyd made so many sounds.  He seemed very concerned.  I'm sure he's praying for our friend as he lays in that hospital bed!  Again, because I don't believe God "wastes" any of the seasons in our lives - I can't help but wonder how God is using Floyd during this silent time.

Some months ago I heard about a faith-based movie called "Overcomer" (from the same producers as "War Room").  I really wanted to see it, but it was gone from the theatres before I had a chance.  Not too long ago it came on our equivalent of Pay-Per-View on TV.  I had been feeling I should watch it, and I finally had a chance to do that.  I'm so glad I did.

I don't want to give away the details, but the title says a lot.  I found myself worshipping the Lord and thanking Him that I have a coach who helps me overcome.  Step by step He has helped me along to overcome any and every obstacle I've faced, especially the very challenging ones of recent years.

As I've thought and prayed about the message of the movie, I've realized that "overcoming" is a key word for us in this pandemic season.  There are things to overcome on so many levels in our life.  Physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, relationally - obstacles to overcome in almost every arena.  But, again, we're not alone.  We have a "coach," our wonderful Lord, to help us along.

I keep thinking that so many lessons I've learned these last few years are coming back again during this season - and giving me the opportunity to learn the lessons at a deeper level.  And I'm realizing that overcoming is a daily challenge.  It's not a one time thing and we're all done.  We overcome daily with God's help.

I don't know how this pandemic season is going to play out, but I know I want to be an overcomer in the midst of it.  I want to be able to look back on it someday and be able to say "with God's help, I'm an overcomer."

"He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.  To him who overcomes, I will grant to eat of the tree of life."  Revelation 2:7

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world."  John 16:3

"I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:13

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."  2 Corinthians 4:8

"You.....have overcome them, because the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."  1 John 4:4

May God be with you, with me to overcome minute by minute any difficulty that comes our way in this unusual season!

Last Sept. when we had our international All Nations gathering, I spoke on "The Joy of the Lord is my Strength."  I mentioned three things that the joy of the Lord is, and I've been feeling I should share them again.  It's firstly a gift that we must receive.  Every morning as I get out of bed, I thank the Lord for that gift.  I thank Him for His faithfulness to me in being my strength.  Even on my tired mornings, I sense Him renewing my strength.  I'm so grateful for His gift of joy that releases strength into my body.

It's also a promise to us.  The Word proclaims that "the joy of the Lord IS my strength."  It doesn't say that maybe it is......or if we do ten things we can have it.....or if we're worthy of it we can have it.....NO, it's a promise to us.  God has released the fulfilment of that promise into my heart during these weeks of isolation in lockdown.

And it's also a choice.  I can't control all the circumstances in my life, but I can choose joy in the midst of whatever is happening.  I have repeatedly chosen joy in the midst of lockdown!  I don't think I would have made it without His joy.

In 1985 during the time that Floyd was European Director for Youth With A Mission, he initiated a GO Festival that was held in Randers, Denmark.  It was to be a launching pad for a fresh wave of young people into missions, particularly in Europe - and it was a celebration of YWAM's 25th anniversary year.  It was an awesome gathering.  I have to confess that I had forgotten some of the details - even some of the speakers we had with us.  That was a l-o-n-g time ago!  I do remember though that it was a joyful time!!

Someone recently sent me some of the videos from the Festival.  I've had such fun watching them.  The one with Floyd speaking is posted here on our website under resources.  Floyd was vibrant, energetic, passionate, and handsome. :)  He shared a couple testimonies that I hadn't thought about in years.  It was so good to be reminded of things from that season in our lives.

After watching these videos, I have been reflecting on God's goodness and faithfulness to us....and, yes, His joy that has been our strength.  We have such a wonderful, rich heritage from the many years that we've served Him.  There have been hard times - but many more times of seeing God wonderfully at work.  

"This day is holy to our Lord.  Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."  Nehemiah 8:10

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."  Psalm 94:19

"The hope of the righteous is joy."  Proverbs 10:28

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him."  Romans 15:13

"Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning."  Psalm 30:5

Watching these videos - and thanking the Lord daily that His joy is my strength......my heart is full of worship and gratitude to God for His goodness.  He is so faithful! 

He Is At Work

The doctor told me this week that Floyd is doing well.  I am also doing okay day by day.  After a phone consult, my oncologist is pleased with how I'm doing overall.   

I shared last week about some memories I had from living through Hurricane Carla when I was growing up.  I saw God's faithfulness in the midst of that terrible storm - in simple but profound details of things that happened to me and our family.

Different individuals commented that they hoped they would be able to see that, to say that about God's faithfulness in the pandemic "storm" we're all walking through right now.  I don't understand this time.  I don't have all the answers.  But I know, that I know, that I know that God is WITH US!  He is giving us grace and strength to make it 

through.  His goodness and faithfulness is a strong rock that we can stand on.  I hope in our lifetime we can look back and see how the God, who cares for the sparrow, has also cared for us. I trust for an abundant wealth of testimonies to emerge of how God met us during these days.  

That phrase WITH US has been echoing over and over in my mind since December when I wrote about Immanuel (God with us) during the Christmas season.  Again and again those 2 simple words have come back to me.  We aren't alone - He is WITH US.  No matter what difficulty - what illness - what financial crisis - what loss - what stress - what anxiety - what fear - any and every problem we are walking through.  He is greater than any of these things......and He is WITH US.

He is taking care of us.  Every detail of our life is under His loving, faithful control.  If we could only see how much He is doing in our lives, we would be astounded.  

After I recently wrote about hope, a friend sent me a list of "50 Promises of God to Give You Hope."  It's taken from countmyblessings.com.  If you're having a hard day, just start reading through this list.  The truth of who God is to you and me will wash over your heart and mind!!

1.     The Lord is my strength and my song. Exodus 15:2, Psalm 118:14

2.     The Lord is a warrior. Exodus 15:

3.     The Lord is greater than all other gods. Exodus 18:11

4.     The Lord is slow to anger and filled with unfailing love. Numbers 14:18

5.     The Lord is God—there is no other. Deuteronomy 4:35

6.     The Lord is God both in heaven and on earth. Deuteronomy 4:39

7.     The Lord is your life. Deuteronomy 30:20

8.     The Lord is with you. Judges 6:12

9.     The Lord is peace. Judges 6:24

10.  The Lord is God who knows… 1 Samuel 2:3

11.  The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior. 2 Samuel 2:22

12.  The Lord is good. 2 Kings 20:19, Psalm 34:8, Psalm 100:5, Psalm 129:4, Psalm 135:3, Psalm 145:9, Jeremiah 33:11

13.  The Lord is glorious and strong. 1 Chronicles 16:28

14.  The Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

15.  The Lord is true wisdom. Job 28:28

16.  The Lord is a refuge in times of trouble. Psalm 9:9

17.  The Lord is King forever and ever. Psalm 10:16

18.  The Lord is always with you. Numbers 14:11, Psalm 16:8

19.  The Lord is my shepherd. Psalm 23:1

20.  The Lord is a friend to those who fear Him. Psalm 25:14

21.  The Lord is my light and my salvation. Psalm 27:1

22.  The Lord is my strength and shield. Psalm 28:7

23.  The Lord is trustworthy and true. Psalm 33:4

24.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. Psalm 34:18

25.  The Lord is the King of Glory, the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. Psalm 24:10

26.  The Lord is robed in majesty and armed with strength. Psalm 93:1

27.  The Lord is glorious and strong. Psalm 96:7

28.  The Lord is compassionate and merciful. Psalm 103:8, Psalm 145:8

29.  The Lord is a Father to His children, tender and compassionate. Psalm 103:13

30.  The Lord is righteous, good, and kind in everything He does. Psalm 25:8, Psalm 145:17

31.  The Lord is close to all who call on Him. Psalm 145:18

32.  The Lord is watching everywhere. Psalm 139:1–6, Proverbs 15:3

33.  The Lord is a faithful God. Isaiah 30:18

34.  For the Lord is our judge, our lawgiver, and our king. Isaiah 33:22

35.  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. Isaiah 40:28

36.  The Lord is the Living God and Everlasting King. Jeremiah 10:10

37.  The Lord is my inheritance; I will hope in Him! Lamentations 3:24

38.  The Lord is here among us. Micah 3:11

39.  The Lord is a jealous God. Nahum 1:2

40.  The Lord is slow to anger. Nahum 1:3

41.  The Lord is our God. Zechariah 14:1

42.  The Lord our God, the Lord is One. Mark 12:29

43.  The Lord is risen. Luke 24:34

44.  The Lord is the One who judges me. 1 Corinthians 4:4

45.  The Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17

46.  The Lord is coming soon. Philippians 4:5, Jude 1:14

47.  The Lord is faithful. 2 Thessalonians 3:3, 1 Corinthians 1:9

48.  The Lord is my helper. Hebrews 13:6

49.  The Lord is full of tenderness and mercy. James 5:1

50.  So we know the love that God has for us, and we trust that love. God is love. 1 John 4:16

"A man can live about 40 days without food - about 3 days without water - about 8 minutes without air - but not for 1 second without hope!"  -  Hal Lindsey.  

Our hope, our only hope, is in our wonderful God.

He is WITH US every day, every minute, every second!

As I said, I don't understand this time and I don't have all the answers.  But, I do know that this isn't wasted time to the Lord.  He is at work!  He is doing things we can't see.  He's very involved in what is happening.  He is working to accomplish eternal plans and purposes.  And I believe He is at work in each of our lives in individual ways.

Someone sent me a short video clip message by Dr David Jeremiah.  It gave me a helpful perspective.  It's about what God did during times of sheltering (lockdown, stay-at-home, quarantine, isolation - whatever term your country is using) in the Bible.  Different ones of His sons and daughters were in times of sheltering.  Some were a few days - others were for many years.  The amount of time isn't the issue - the point is God was at work!!  He didn't waste one minute of those times of sheltering.

I have to admit that there are days when I find the sheltering hard - days when it's overwhelming.  Not just the being alone, but all that's happening along with it in my life, and in the lives of our family and friends.  I've cried out to the Lord a lot the last four years for His grace and strength.  But it seems like that "crying out" for the Lord's help has been more intense during this time of isolation.  I'm beginning to sense that it's because of what is happening in this time that I can't see.  I have sensed over and over that God has said to trust Him and keep my focus on Him - not on the trials and circumstances - but on HIM and Him alone.  I'm asking for His grace to do that.

Something I feel to share with you is that God is preparing many of you for special things in the future - things you would never have dreamed of.  During this sheltering time it is so important to press into Him, to spend time with Him, to read the Word, to worship Him, and to stand against any lies of the enemy towards God.

 "How abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you."  Psalm 31:19

"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."  Psalm 32:7

"God has been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in distress, a refuge from the storm."  Isaiah 25:4

"The Lord is near to all who call on Him."  Psalm 145:18

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge."  Psalm 16:1

I so wish I could see from His perspective.  And I wish I could live long enough to see the outcome of all He's doing during this time of sheltering in our world.  Neither may happen, but I trust Him.  I trust that He is working in my life and in your life during this time.  I know He's working, because He's so faithful to do that.

He's With Us In The Storm

Floyd's condition is stable and he continues to be strong enough for them to take him out of bed into his chair.  I'm so grateful for that.  It makes a big difference.  We continue to pray for protection for the hospital staff from the virus.

Growing up on Galveston island off the coast of Texas, I lived through quite a few hurricanes - some mild ones, and some very terrible ones.  Sometimes we stayed put on the island and weathered the storm.  Other times we went inland for safety.  My mom had lived there all her life.  She had an uncanny ability to predict which ones would be bad.  She would stand on the 17 foot seawall looking at the water with the waves coming in and get a "feel" of what was happening.  There were some times when she'd say - "we need to leave."  I'm sure God was guiding her and speaking to her because she knew how to hear the voice of the Lord.

There was one particular storm when she felt we should leave.  We packed what we could into our car and went inland to stay with relatives.  I had a doll collection - dolls from all over the world that my brothers had brought to me when they were stationed overseas with the military.  I loved those dolls.  But we couldn't take them with us.  My parents had scrimped and saved for years to buy me a set of encyclopaedias for my studies at school.  That was the first thing that went into the car!

The storm was bad. Water had risen from the Gulf of Mexico side and from the bay side.  We had 6 feet of water in our house.  We had to wait for the water to go down before we could even go home.  When we did - everything was ruined...everything!

Including all my dolls.  Clothes, furniture - it was all gone.  It was a hard time for my family because we had very little money.  I'll never forget the impact of that storm on our lives.  Hurricane Carla is forever part of our family history.  It remains one of the strongest storms to ever hit the Texas coast.

Many years later there was a movie called "The Perfect Storm."  It wasn't perfect in a good way.  It was perfect in a horrible, catastrophic way.  There were some tragedies in the movie.  I remember watching that movie and thinking it was a bit too close to reality for me.  I didn't enjoy that movie.

Walking through our current pandemic has reminded me of these 2 things - the hurricanes I lived through growing up, and the movie of the perfect storm.  There is now the same sense of an incredible power, a force being at work - and the helplessness of feeling unable to do anything to combat it.

When I think back to the trauma of the storms that I lived through growing up (Carla was the worst, but not the only one), what comes to me most of all is how God helped us through all the things we faced.  Two things come to mind about Carla that show how God was with us in the small details of that event.  My mom had just bought a very large cardboard container of detergent that had been on sale right before we had to leave the island.  The container burst open when all the water came flooding in.  It was slippery when we walked back into the house because of all the soap everywhere - but it also helped with the clean-up.  A funny little detail that was a big help.

The second thing had to do with our dog.  We weren't able to take our dog with us.  It was so hard to leave him behind, but he was a big dog and there just wasn't room in our one small car with 3 people and our belongings.  We were sure the dog was lost.  However, as the water rose, the dog swam to an upstairs balcony and stayed there.  A neighbour had stayed on the island during the storm, and he went out in his boat to see how everyone's house had fared once the winds died down.  He saw our dog on the balcony, took him home, and cared for him until we returned.  Phone communication was down, so we didn't even know this until we were able to return.  It was a very happy reunion!

I'm not sure why these memories have come floating to the surface in recent days, but they have been very reassuring and comforting.  The God who cares for the sparrow - cared for our dog in that hurricane - He cares for you, me, and our families in this current COVID-19 storm!!!  We may not even see it for a while - but He is watching out for all the details of our lives.  He is with us.  He is caring for us in ways that aren't seen.  Someday we are going to have some great stories to tell - some wonderful memories of God's goodness.

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?  And not one of them is forgotten before God.  Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered.  Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows."  Luke 12:6,7

This verse has special significance to me.  With the current treatment I'm on - I have lots of hairs falling out each day.  I keep thinking that God is really having to watch over me carefully to keep count of my hairs!  The number is constantly changing. :) 

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear......See how the flowers of the field grow.  They do not labour or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you?....Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."  Matthew 6:25-33

"You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle.  Are they not in your book?  Psalm 56:8  When I think of all the tears I've shed - God has collected them and made note of them.  How tenderly He cares for me, for you.

"You formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."  Psalm 139:13,14  He has known us from before we were born - in our mother's womb.  He knows every detail of who we are!

God tells us "do not be anxious about anything."  Philippians 4:6  He doesn't just say to not worry about the BIG things.  He knew we would also have lots of small concerns, but He tells us to give those cares to Him.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you."  1 Peter 5:7

"In every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6

I love seeing how God cares for ALL the details of our lives!  He is a God of detail.

Memories are a strange thing.  They can lie dormant for years and years......and then suddenly pop up.  When an "old memory" rises to the surface, I usually take note as often God is speaking to me through the memory.  These memories from my childhood have reminded me that God has been with me all my life.  He is faithful!  He is carrying me through this pandemic.  Even though I'm alone here at home - and Floyd is miles away in his hospital bed......God is with us both, right by our side.  He is watching over us.

I recently watched a message by Louie Giglio called "It's Okay to Freak Out."  In his unique, practical, and insightful communication style, Louie talks about something that many are experiencing in the coronavirus pandemic.  Freaking out!  I appreciate his realness.  There's no pretence, no facade, no running from what we're facing.  There will be some freaking out that we all face.  I love when he says that it's okay to visit a freak out moment, but we just don't move in. :)

I've had a couple "freak out" moments.  Thank goodness I recognized them for what they were, and was able to turn to the Lord for His help right away.  I didn't move in!

The first one was in the initial couple days of my going into isolation.  I've had times of being totally alone before, so, in a sense, this wasn't a new experience for me.  But something about going into this time - not knowing how long it would be, not knowing when it would end, realizing that I'm totally alone and on my own.....well, it brought some freak out emotions with it.  I felt very isolated! 

I had to rein in my emotions, those feelings of uncertainty.  I had to speak out the truth of not being totally alone - God has never left my side.  I had to submit afresh my future to the Lord.  I had to step into a walk of deeper communication with Him since no one else is around.  I had to face the reality of this being a season that I've never walked in before.

I reminded myself that I've had 4+ years of facing one crisis after another since that traumatic day when Floyd fell ill.  One time I started making a list of everything I've had to face......and I stopped myself because the list was getting so long and it felt negative to even dwell on it.  But in each of those situations, God has been there for me.......so why would I have any concern about Him helping me in this new season?  Thankfully I was able to get my equilibrium back.  The freak out moment passed.

My second freak out moment came a few weeks later when I heard a report of how close the virus is to our home - physically close with cases being diagnosed.  I felt insecure, vulnerable, exposed.  I knew those feelings weren't of the Lord, and I very, very quickly turned to Him.  I spoke out my trust in His protection.  I quoted verses about Him being my Rock, my Refuge, my strong tower to run to.  A peace and sense of His watch-care over me flooded my heart.

I may have other freak out moments along the way......as I don't know how long I'll be in this isolation.  But I know I can go to Him each time and find fresh rest in Him.  

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge."  Psalm 18:2

 "For you are my rock and my fortress; for your name's sake you will lead me and guide me."  Psalm 31:3

"The Lord has been my stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge."  Psalm 94:22

"He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken."  Psalm 62:2 

"If you say, 'The Lord is my refuge,' and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.  For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways."  Psalm 91:9-11

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you."  Isaiah 43:2

Louie said when he had a freak out moment, he didn't feel a slap on the wrist, a rebuke from the Lord.......he felt the Lord clasping his hand and telling him it would be okay.  I'm holding tight to the faithful hand of the Father in whatever is ahead!  He is with me in this time of isolation. 

The Ladder Of Hope Is Held From Above

As Christians, there can sometimes be the assumption that if we are following the Lord, seeking His guidance, and obeying Him - that we won't have problems.  I don't happen to see things that way.  I'm fully aware that we live in a fallen world......there is sin and sickness around us.  The enemy goes about like a "roaring lion" trying to cause problems.  While God protects us from more things than we can possibly imagine, it doesn't mean we are immune to the fallen world around us. 

When I was diagnosed with cancer - and not too long afterwards Floyd was struck down......God wonderfully helped me to keep my focus on Him.  I knew we were where He had called us to be.  I knew we were following Him in obedience.  I knew we were in the centre of His will for our lives.  In many ways because of things we had walked through, things we had learned through the years - we both felt we were in our "prime" in spite of our ages ticking upward.  And then - wham!  We were in a season where we had been taken out of commission in many ways - especially Floyd.

People have asked me - were you not where God wanted you to be?  Did you have unconfessed sin?  Was something wrong?  I have to admit that I confessed every sin I could possibly think of......and then some. :)  I asked God to search my heart.  I sought Him for anything He might want to say to me.

Over and over again what I felt Him saying to me was - "keep your eyes on me.....trust me....continue to walk in my ways.....keep hope alive for my plans and purposes to be fulfilled in this season.....keep asking me for the impossible."  I have endeavoured to do that to the best of my ability.

I have to say that, in spite of all the trials and hardships, it has been a precious season!  I'm not sure I would willingly choose it - but I certainly can't regret it either.  The closeness and intimacy with Him has been more precious than fame, or wealth, or a life of ease.  I have nothing but gratitude in my heart to the Lord for His goodness and faithfulness these last few years.

In the time before we moved to South Africa - making such a massive change to "begin again" in a new land in our older years......we had this prophetic word spoken over us repeatedly:  "the best is yet to come."  In the natural if you look at things that have happened - it doesn't look like "the best."  And yet in my heart, in my walk with Him, I have been living in the most wonderful years of intimacy with Him that I have ever experienced.

I can't speak for Floyd about this, of course - but I have to say that there have been many, many times when I've walked into His hospital room and I've felt like I was on holy ground.  The presence of the Lord has been so real, so precious.  I know God has met Floyd during this time in ways that I may never understand this side of heaven, but I'm sure it's been rich and precious.

Why am I sharing all this with you?  I was emailing with a friend recently along these lines - and I felt prompted to share.  And with it I've felt the Lord saying that - in the midst of all we're going through right now in this worldwide pandemic.....we need to keep our eyes on Him, look for His goodness, trust Him - and be very, very careful not to take up any offense against Him.

That's the phrase that has been echoing in my mind these last few days.  "Don't take up offense again me."  He never promised us a life without trials.  In fact, He promises over and over in His Word to go with us through the trials - to never leave us or forsake us.  But He didn't say it would always be easy.

To this day, as I'm typing this, God has helped me and protected me.  I don't think I've taken up any offense against Him.  May God help me not to do that in any way!  He has been so faithful to help me day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.  I couldn't have made it on my own - but He has never left me.

Whatever you are facing in this time of isolation, lockdown, quarantine, shelter-in-place season - may I encourage you to not blame God, to not take up any offense against Him.  Through any sickness, any loss, any financial hardship, any difficulty - He is there to help us.  He is good, faithful, trustworthy - and He has the "best" in mind for each of us.  We are in His precious hands.

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."  2 Corinthians 4:17

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."  2 Corinthians 1:3,4

"We glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."  Romans 5:3,4

"The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all."  Psalm 34:19

I'm not some superwoman that's able to navigate this in any special way.  I am weak, and needy, and totally dependent on the Lord.  God has helped me with everything I've faced - and He will faithfully help you with whatever you are facing.  

When we face trials, suffering, hard times - in order to grow in our intimacy with Him in the midst of them and not take up any offense against God - one of the things that I have found to be so important is to keep hope alive.  "Without hope/vision, the people perish."

I've found that I can make choices to keep hope alive - but, ultimately, I need God's grace and strength and help.  He has always helped me in my weakness to keep hope in my heart.  In my lowest moments, in the times when life itself was draining from my body because of rigorous treatment for my cancer - I sensed God pouring hope into my heart.  About 30 or so years ago, I read a phrase that has stuck with me.  "The ladder of hope has nothing to stand on here below - it is held from up above."  How incredibly true that is.  Any and all hope we have is from our wonderful Father.

Hope can sound like a soft word - maybe even a bit weak sometimes.  People sometimes say "I hope so" - without much strength of conviction!  But hope is one of the strongest things we can have in our hearts.  If you talk to people who have gone through hard times, they'll always mention that they had hope for better times.  The strength of hope kept them going.  In fact I think that one of the purposes of trials and sufferings is to produce hope in our hearts, not to diminish it or destroy it.  In hard times, there is no middle ground.  We press into God and come to a place of hope - or our hearts become hardened because of the trials.

Over the years I've found some key ingredients that I must have in my life in order to maintain hope.

·      My hope must be rooted in who God is, in His character.  As we spend time with Him, speak out our trust, worship Him, spend time in the Word.....then hope grows in our hearts.  He's gone before us to prepare the way.  He's never left us, never forsaken us, never changed.  He's WITH us - continually.  He's won over loneliness, despair, over every difficulty we may face.  He's conquered death.  He's victorious.  Because of everything He is - we can have hope!

·      I must have a heart of expectancy for hope to thrive in my heart.  Faith  believes that God can do something - hope expects that He will.  They go hand-in-hand.  Hope keeps us going in hard times because we expect a better time ahead.  There are so many examples in the Bible of hopeless situations - where people kept hope alive, and God met them!  If hopelessness enters into our hearts, thankfully it's not a terminal disease.  God can help us cast it aside and start afresh with new hope, new expectancy.

·      Hope is closely linked with prayer.  It's in the place of prayer that hope can be rekindled.  God can remove the unbelief from our hearts and help it to burn bright again as we spend time with Him.

·      Hope needs to be coupled with joy.  If we have the hope, the expectancy in our hearts for something - it will be a joyful expectancy.  You don't think of hope as having a sad face.  It's not flippant, it's not a false spirituality.  It's real.  It faces trials, but remains joyful in hope because of being grounded in God.  We know He's sovereign.  He's faithful.  He doesn't go on strike or quit.  He doesn't get weary.  As we keep our focus on Him, as we worship Him - it's possible to have a joyful hope in the future.

·      Hope needs patience.  May I just state the obvious in saying this is the hard point!!  There are delays in seeing our hope fulfilled.  Setbacks come along.  We get discouraged.  We can so easily lose heart as it says in the Word.  I've learned that my sense of timing in seeing a hope fulfilled is very, very different from the Lord's.  I have to have patience with my hope.  Patient hope doesn't give God a deadline.  His timing is perfect.  He knows what He's doing.  We can trust Him.

·      Along with patience, my hope must persevere and endure.  In our day of "instant" everything, hope doesn't give up or give in. God uses the situations in our lives to teach us perseverance.  He stretches us and grows us through each trial we face.  I can look back over my life and see how God has done that.....and how He's strengthened my hope in each situation. 

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life."  Proverbs 13:12

"Hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us."  Romans 5:5 

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  Romans 15:13

"If we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."  Romans 8:25

"Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."  Romans 12:12 

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

I could go on for pages.  The Bible says so much about hope!!

In the midst of the global pandemic we're facing, if there's anything we all need right now - it's HOPE!  We must keep hope alive.  It's rooted in who He is.  It's expecting to see Him meet us in our lives.  It's spending time in prayer with Him so that our hope grows.  It's keeping a joyful spirit as we wait.  It's being patient.  It's persevering when times are hard.

And, most of all, it's remembering that God is always, always, always good and faithful!  He is our hope.

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace."  Numbers 6:24-26

The Power Of Gratitude

Floyd’s condition remains the same.  He is breathing easily and resting comfortably and peacefully.  We continue to pray for his well-being and protection and for the hospital workers to remain virus free.

My health has definitely been impacted the last few weeks.  I have good days - and not-so-good days.  It's all related to my cancer battle and treatment.  I'm so grateful that God is here with me in the isolation.  I couldn't make it on my own.

In recent days the Lord has been reminding me of how important and how powerful gratitude is for us.  I know I've shared about this a number of times, but it bears looking at afresh in our current situation.  With all we are facing, it's so easy to focus on the problems, the things we're being confronted with as we make our way through this unprecedented situation.  For me, it seems like I am daily facing challenges that leave me feeling overwhelmed.

I know I need to continually choose trust in the Lord.  I speak that out - I proclaim it over what I'm facing.  But the Lord is also showing me that if I'll continually express gratitude it actually helps lift the weight of what I'm being burdened with.  There are two aspects to this that God has been speaking to me about.  The first is to recognize that in the midst of things I don't have, I need to thank Him for all I do have.  There is so very much to be grateful for.  It's easy to overlook this when we're focused on the challenges we're facing, but choosing to be grateful has an amazing outcome of making our burdens lighter!!

The second thing that has been on my heart is a little different.  I was reminded this week of 2 Chronicles 20.  The people of Israel were facing three enemy armies.  King Jehoshaphat was seeking the Lord for what to do.  The Lord gave him a most unusual strategy.  He sent the people towards the enemy with a band of men singing and praising the Lord for His deliverance.  They were thanking the Lord for the victory ahead of time!  They led the way towards the enemy army with praise and gratitude.  They entered into battle with worship.  That is definitely a unique strategy! 

I think when we have hearts of gratitude before we see the answers to prayer - that has to do with trust and faith.  It's declaring who God is in our midst.  In the passage in 2 Chronicles, the enemy armies fought among themselves and destroyed each other.  By the time the armies of Israel got there, there was no one to fight.  

As I thank the Lord for what I have (instead of focusing on what is missing) - and as I thank Him ahead of time for victory in the things I'm lifting up to Him......it helps lift the weights and burdens off my shoulders.  The Lord "inhabits the praise of His people."  He loves it when we trust Him, and when we worship and praise Him.

"But thanks be to God!  He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."  1 Corinthians 15:57

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"For what you have done I will always praise you.....and I will hope in your name, for your name is good."  Psalm 52:9

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6

We are in the midst of a war fighting an unseen opponent - both the enemy and a horrible virus.  God has placed mighty weapons in our hands - trust in Him and gratitude.  As we "battle" with these weapons, God will work on our behalf.  He is faithful!

So much has changed in our world!  We communicate differently.  We shop differently.  Many work differently.  Our daily routines are different.  There is very little in our lives that hasn't been impacted in some way by the worldwide pandemic.  Change is certainly the key word for this time.  Everything has changed dramatically!

And yet - nothing has changed in relation to who God is in the midst of all this!  He is the same throughout time.  He is still with us.  He is still faithful.  He still gives sufficient grace for each day.  He still meets our every need.  He still walks right beside us - holding our hand in the spirit - calming our fears - carrying our burdens - meeting us when we call upon Him.  He is still only a whisper away.  We may be facing something that is unprecedented, but His precedent of being with us is solid and secure.  He is still our Rock and Refuge.  

My sister loves the verse from Acts 17:28 - "In Him we live and move and have our being."  She quoted it often to our family through the years.  I think it's more true than ever.  Everything that we are and have is rooted in Him.  Without Him, we would be in big trouble.

The phrase from a song has been echoing in my mind -  "I'm sheltered in the arms of God.  Let the storms rage high, the dark clouds rise, they don't worry me.  For I'm sheltered, safe, within the arms of God."  I woke up with it in my mind this morning.  I am held, protected, loved, cared for, strengthened, and helped.  In His arms I find peace, rest, and refuge - regardless of what storm is raging around me. 

More than ever I'm aware that I can't make it in my own strength and ability.  But I'm carried by His grace, in His arms - and that enables me to face anything.  I'm so grateful to Him.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10 

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."  Proverbs 18:10

"My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."  Psalm 121:2

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."  Psalm 46:1

"Behold God is my helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my soul."  Psalm 54:4

As I was writing this update, I had been humming another song "because He lives I can face tomorrow."  I looked up, and a little bird came and perched on the chair just outside my window.  It was a sweet visual reminder that just as the Lord cares for the sparrows, He cares for me, for you.  He is faithful!

Everything has changed because of what we're facing, but nothing has changed in terms of who He is in our midst.  "He is the same yesterday, today, and forever." 

Locked In With The Lord

I have some sweet praise reports.  Answers to our prayers!  Floyd's doctor was on duty over the weekend, so he saw a lot of Floyd.  He said Floyd is doing well.  His chest is clear, he's calm and at peace, and he's had the strength for them to put him in his chair. 

I have been sending video messages to him.  The therapist who plays them for him says that he connects and responds as she plays them for him - usually with various sounds he makes in his throat.  She said she thinks he's agreeing with me - and sending love back. :)  I'm blessed!

While I've been in isolation, I've had lots of different emotions impacting me.  I've been trying to identify and understand them.  I am beginning to get some clarity.  I think one of the things we are all facing is some level of grief.  I've faced a lot of grief the last few years, but I'm finding this is different.  I know it's important to grieve our losses during this time - whatever they might be.

At first I didn't see how I could be grieving.  No one close to me had passed away.  That's what we usually associate with grief.  And I've learned so much these last few years - God has helped me so much.  I thought that surely I could cope with and handle this season too.  But I'm learning that this season is unlike anything I (we) have faced before!  There are new things we're all facing - new things to deal with - new lessons to learn.

For some of you, there may be loss of a loved one during this time.  There may be loss of health - particularly if you've had the virus.  There is loss of everything that is familiar and normal - loss of our way of life.  There's a loss of expectations.....a loss of events we were looking forward to.  My granddaughter, like many students, has lost all her senior year activities, including her graduation ceremony.  Perhaps you're facing loss of income, loss of your job.  If you're like me, you could be facing loss of personal contact as you isolate all alone.  I'm facing loss of my visiting and being with Floyd.  I send videos to him, but it's not the same.

I didn't anticipate having grief during this time.  Grief can be exhausting.  It's constantly there - coming up in new and unexpected ways.  Just figuring out how to walk through all this, how to survive it, is in itself exhausting and draining.  It's hard to be as productive as we'd like to be - after all, we've got all this time now!  But being productive can be hard while we face and grieve unexpected things.

It's OKAY to say this is hard!  People the world over are acknowledging that this is an extremely hard time.  We're in the middle of a worldwide pandemic.  Very few people alive have ever faced that - there are just a few who went through the one in 1918.  This is stressful and uncharted territory.  We're all learning together how to navigate it.

One of the things that's become clear to me is how important self-care is right now.  Each of us must find activities that bring us rest, peace, and joy in this current season.  We need to find things that sustain us.  We must take care of ourselves physically (exercise, healthy food, sleep), spiritually (time with the Lord each day), and emotionally (what that may be will be different for everyone).  

We must "be kind" to ourselves.  I read one article that said because we have all this extra time right now, there's a temptation to put all kinds of expectations on ourselves of what we "should" accomplish.  Maybe, in the end, we'll actually accomplish less - but come through this time in a healthy way.  

During this time if we're struggling,  we should reach out to one another for support.  A burden shared is half a burden!!  We're meant for our lives to be interwoven through good times and hard times.  We can help one another as we walk together, but at a distance, through this.

Whatever we are facing during this unusual season - God will help us with it.  He wants us to look to Him, and to take care of ourselves. 

"He was....a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief."  Isaiah 53:3

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."  Matthew 5:4

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears!"  Psalm 34:17

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ."  Galatians 6:2

"Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."  Mark 6:31

"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed."  Mark 1:35 

"Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well."  3 John 1:2

I'm confident we will take many lessons learned during this time into our "new normal" of the future.   God will be with us each day!  He will "instruct us in the way we should go."  He will strengthen us and give us daily grace.  He is faithful always - and certainly during this unprecedented time.

I love how time and time again the Word speaks to us about the things that we experience.  Being "locked in" these days because of COVID 19 seems like such an unusual and strange thing to walk through.  And yet, it's not the first time that there have been lockdown type of experiences - although perhaps not of the same scale and magnitude that we are experiencing.  But we can go back to Biblical times and find examples of being "locked in" for us to learn from.

A friend passed on to me a list that someone had done of examples of being locked in taken from the Word.  They bear looking at.  I have adapted them to my way of understanding and applying them.

·      Genesis 39:20,21  -  When he was sold into slavery, Joseph ended up being put into prison.  He was quite literally locked in.  But the Lord was with Joseph in prison.  The result was that because of God being with him, he found favour.  He was given responsibility.  Whatever he did, the Lord made it to prosper throughout his life - blessing him, his family, and all of the kingdom. 

·      Exodus 12:22 – 27  -  The Israelites were told to put the blood of a lamb over their doorposts and to not go outside.  They were locked into their homes.  When the Lord passed through to smite the Egyptians, they would be passed over.  The result was an amazing deliverance.  They were set free from bondage.  This testimony would be part of their story, their inheritance forever.

·      Daniel 3:23  -  Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were tied up and thrown into the fire.  They were locked into the flaming furnace.  The result was that God came into their midst.  The king saw 4 men in the furnace - walking around unbound and unharmed.  The result is that they were delivered, their faith was strengthened, and they were able to be a testimony to the nation.  They didn't even smell of smoke after their time in the furnace. 

·      Daniel 6:16 – 23  -  Daniel was thrown into the lion's den because he prayed to God, a stone was placed at the entrance, and the king sealed him in.  He was locked in.  But God closed the mouths of the lions.  No harm came to Daniel.  The result is that God protected him.  He was delivered from the lions.  This was a testimony to the King and to the heathen nation.

·      John 20:19-27  -  The disciples were together, and the doors were locked for fear of the Jewish leaders.  They were locked in.  The Lord came into their midst and blessed them with peace and with the Holy Spirit.  Thomas had not been with them.  He doubted their experience, so the same thing happened a second time.  They were locked in again.  The result was that they were blessed with fresh anointing by the Lord as they went out to proclaim the Gospel. 

·      Acts 2  -  A hundred and twenty of the followers of Jesus were in the upper room.  They were locked in.  As they waited, they were filled with the Holy Spirit.  The result was an empowering baptism and commissioning to preach the Gospel.

·      Acts 16:24-33  -  Paul and Silas were in prison with their feet in stocks.  They were locked in.  An earthquake came and set them free.  But they didn't flee.  The result was that many saw God's power, hearts turned to Him, and a new church was planted.

·      Matthew 6:6  -  "When you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.  Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."  We can make a choice to go into lockdown with the Lord.  The result is intimacy with Him, and an assurance that God will meet us.

With the lockdown around the world that many of us are experiencing, it's often looked upon as being a negative experience.  Many are complaining.  Some are protesting.  And all of us are being impacted in some way.  It may be frustration, loneliness, the grief I wrote about, a feeling of helplessness, fear, anger, insecurity - there's a multitude of feelings being experienced.  All are real, powerful, often overwhelming us.

As I've pondered the Biblical passages above, the clear message that has come through to my heart is that I need to keep my eyes on the Lord in the midst of the lockdown.  All of these situations were marked by an unusual presence of God and by His Spirit being at work.  I need to focus on Him during this time.  I need to give my feelings to Him.  I have come to understand that this season is an invitation to draw close to Him in the midst of an unprecedented time.  I am expecting good things from Him.

This lockdown is a part of human history forever.  I am asking God to make this time part of my spiritual history in ways that only He can.  I pray that for you too!

He Is Always Behind Us

Floyd had a quiet time over the Easter weekend as some of his staff were off for the holiday.  I have been asking God to be especially close to him.

As we celebrated Easter this past weekend I found my heart overwhelmed with gratitude.  We face an unprecedented situation in our world right now, but when I think of all that Jesus has done for us - it gives me fresh strength and grace to face the needs we have.  I'm so thankful for the cross.  So thankful that He is risen.  We serve a miracle working God!

The President of South Africa addressed the nation last week and extended our lockdown until the end of April - a further 2 weeks.  He closed his address by saying "the message of Easter is one we carry in our hearts tonight.  It is the message of hope, of recovery, and of rebirth.  We shall overcome.  May God bless South Africa and protect her people."  I pray that for our world as well.

I've been told by various friends around the world that many are struggling with hopelessness.  What we're facing, they say, seems too big, too overwhelming, just simply too much.  But if there's ever a reminder to have hope - it's the Easter weekend as we reflect on what God has done for us through His Son Jesus.  For the followers of Jesus, for His friends and family, for those who only knew Him from afar - Good Friday looked hopeless.  The One they hoped in was crucified.  It looked bleak.

And yet, two days later we know how the story ends.  He conquered death, hell, and the grave.  He arose!  He overcame the darkness and despair.  He showed us that with Him THERE IS HOPE.  Nothing is impossible.  Nothing is too hard for Him.  Nothing is hopeless.

I felt over the weekend that I personally needed to just simply focus on what Jesus has done for us.  That I should encourage you to do the same.  We are not without hope because we serve a God of hope.  Jesus showed the way through His death and resurrection.  As we reflect on that and worship Him for what He did for us, may hope be birthed afresh in all our hearts.  I have fresh hope to believe for miracles in situations around me!

"Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"Hope that is seen is not hope.  For who hopes for what he already sees.  But if we have hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."  Romans 8:24,25

"Hope does not disappoint us...."  Romans 5:5

"The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love."  Psalm 147:11

We can have hope because our hope is grounded in God.  The Easter weekend reminds us that our hope is grounded in what Jesus has done for us through the cross and resurrection.

He has gone before us to prepare the way.

He's never left us, never forsaken us, never changed.

He's with us!

He's won over loneliness, over sickness, over despair - over every victory.

He's conquered death.  He's victorious.

Because of who He is and what He's done - we can have hope no matter what we are facing!

Over the Easter weekend, someone sent me this poem that spoke to my heart -  

"Still He Walked"

He could hear the crowds screaming "crucify" "crucify"...
He could hear the hatred in their voices,
These were His chosen people.
He loved them,
And they were going to crucify him.
He was beaten, bleeding and weakened...
His heart was broken,
But still He walked.

He could see the crowd as He came from the palace.
He knew each of the faces so well.
He had created them.
He knew every smile, every laugh, and every shed tear,
But now they were contorted with rage and anger.
His heart broke,
But still He walked.

He searched the crowd for a loving face and He saw very few.
Then he turned His eyes to the only One that mattered,
And He knew that He would never be alone.
He looked back at the crowd...
At the people who were spitting at Him
Throwing rocks at Him and mocking Him
And he knew that because of Him,
They would never be alone.
So for them, He walked.

The sounds of the hammer striking the spikes echoed through the crowd.
The sounds of His cries echoed even louder,
The cheers of the crowd, as His hands and feet were nailed to the cross,
Intensified with each blow.
Loudest of all was the still small voice
Inside His Heart that whispered "I am with you, my Son",
And God's heart broke.
He had let His son walk.

Jesus could have asked God to end His suffering,
But instead He asked God to forgive.
Not to forgive Him, but to forgive the ones who were persecuting Him.
As He hung on that cross, dying an unimaginable death,
He looked out and saw, not only the faces in the crowd,
But also, the face of every person yet to be,
And His heart filled with love.
As His body was dying, His heart was alive.
Alive with the limitless, unconditional love He feels for each of us.
That is why He walked.

When I forget how much My God loves me,
...I remember His walk.
When I wonder if I can be forgiven,
...I remember His walk.
When I need to be reminded of how to live like Christ,
...I think of His walk.
And to show Him how much I love Him,
...I wake up each morning, turn my eyes to Him,
.......And I walk.

Author Unknown

I have read this poem a number of times.  When I face a difficult moment, I thank Him that He walked.  When things seem big, overwhelming - I remember that He walked.  When I need fresh strength and grace, I'm reminded that He walked.  Because He walked......we can stand - we can face whatever comes into our day.

I'm so very, very grateful that He walked!  I celebrated that walk all through the Easter weekend.

"And He, bearing His cross, went out to a place called the Place of a Skull, which is called in Hebrew, Golgotha."  John 19:17

When you face a tough moment - remember He walked for you!

Because He walked - He is always behind us in anything we face!