At the Top of My List

I am just naturally a detailed, organized person.  It's a "gift" I've had for as long as I can remember.  My brain just thinks that way.  Sometimes it drove my family crazy, but mostly they appreciated it. :)

Because of being that way, I always have a list.  But my list is usually longer than my day or my allotted time.  I tend to overestimate what I can get done.  There always seem to be delays and complications.

But, for me, one daily goal must always be accomplished - being in touch with Jesus.  Even if nothing gets done on the list, I absolutely must be in communication with Him.  

Staying in touch with Jesus has carried me through the years of Floyd's illness, his passing, and my ongoing battle with cancer.  Even if it was just whispered prayers as I went through a hard day, talking to the Lord carried me through the day.  As I spoke to Him continually, it allowed me to feel His presence with me - knowing I was never alone.  My walk with the Lord has always been a precious friendship - and that friendship has been my lifeline in these hard years.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."  Psalm 19:14

"The Lord is near to all who call on Him."  Psalm 145:18

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment."  Matthew 22:37,38

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

"He shall not be afraid of evil tidings; his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord."  Psalm 112:7

"There are many plans in a man's heart, nevertheless the Lord's counsel - that will stand."  Proverbs 19:21

"Come near to God and He will come near to you."  James 4:8

I've sometimes wished I could just walk in the garden with the Lord like Adam & Eve did before the fall.  It sounds so beautiful.  But as I've been writing this, scene after scene has come flashing through my mind - times when I whispered prayers and God met me.  In ICU with Floyd, many times by his beside, going through surgeries and chemo for my treatment, being home alone, being isolated during Covid.....the list/scenes go on.  I'm crying as I think of all the many wonderful times when God met me as I talked with Him.  He has been so faithful!

That's why talking with the Lord is ALWAYS at the top of my list!!

His Wraparound Presence

I’ve shared about grief a number of times lately.  It comes in many forms and there is no expiration date!  I find my grief often pops up because of a memory trigger.  A sweet memory from the past comes to mind, and I miss Floyd all over again.  I'm grateful for the memories.  They are treasures that I savor.  But they do expose what's missing now, what I've lost.

I've never walked through this kind of grief before, so I don't know how long it will last - but I have a feeling it will stay with me.  I am also guessing it will be less intense as time goes on.

"The process of mourning is as unique to a person as a fingerprint."  I read this quote a few days ago.  I know it's true.  I have several friends who have lost their husbands, but each of our journeys are very different.  And that's okay.  We can grieve and mourn in any way our heart needs.  There's no right or wrong way to grieve.

I've found myself praying for comfort, grace, and healing for many others who are grieving.  I know the Lord is mindful of each one of us in our grief, and I pray for His "wraparound presence" to be with each of us.

"Your wraparound presence is my shield."  Psalm 7:10 TPT

"His wraparound presence is all I need."  Psalm 62:1  TPT

"Surely He hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows."  Isaiah 53:4

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction."  2 Corinthians 1:3

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."  Matthew 5:4

In many ways I "lost" Floyd almost 7 years ago when he first became sick - even though he only passed away a year and a half ago.  I want to testify to the Lord's goodness, comfort, care, and faithfulness over all that time.  He has truly been my "wraparound presence."  I'm so grateful!

This week has been a roller coaster one - up and down.  One day I'll have lots of energy.  The next day I'll have no energy.....I'm like a limp, wet rag.  I've learned to listen to my body and go with what it's saying to me.  I have so much I want to do, but some days it's not possible to do much of anything.

The one constant thing for me is that I'm grateful to be alive.  My doctor calls it a miracle, and I think she's right.  After all I've been through in recent years, I'm so thankful for life itself......even on my weak days.  The Lord carries me.  He is my strength.

With American Thanksgiving next week, I've been thinking of all the things I'm thankful for.  There are many!

-  As I said, I'm thankful for life itself.

-  I'm thankful for my family and friends who walk with me on this journey.  They have been so supportive.  I'm thankful for the modern communication that allows us to be in touch even through scattered all over the world. 

-  I'm thankful for our home.  It's such a blessing - my retreat.  Even though I spend so much time here because of my isolation, I never get tired of it.  I think one reason is because of the lovely ocean view I have.  It's ever-changing, and always reminds me of God's awesome creation.

-  I'm thankful for all of those who pray for me.  It gives me a sense of security, comfort and hope.

-  I'm thankful for meal delivery.  My cooking days are over!  During the pandemic many wonderful cooks opened up home based meal delivery.  It's wonderful!

-  I'm thankful for a good doctor who has walked with me on my cancer journey.  She's just a phone call away, and has been so supportive.

-  I don't drive a lot, but I'm thankful for my 21 year old car that is still in good shape and will probably serve me the rest of my years.  It was a miracle how I got it, and has been such a wonderful provision.

-  I'm thankful that winter is over and we're having lovely spring days. :)

The list could go on and on.  I have so much to be thankful for.  Most of all I'm thankful for God's goodness and mercy to me.  He has been so faithful day in and day out.  I sense His presence with me.  I don't feel alone, or lonely.  He is my strength and grace, my help, my counselor, my provider, my protector.  I couldn't make it without Him.

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him.  Nahum 1:7

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save."  Zephaniah 3:17

"For in Him we live and move and have our being."  Acts 17:28

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope."  Psalm 130:5

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11