Last Friday it was a year since a friend helped me rush Floyd to emergency at the hospital. He had had a rough night - the meds he was given the day before weren't helping. His life was hanging by a thread. His blood pressure was so low that they could hardly find it. They started pumping adrenalin into him, and immediately admitted him into ICU. God definitely saved his life that day.
Even at this point, we would have never dreamed of what was ahead. We could tell that something was seriously wrong, but the thought was they would find what it was, treat him, and he'd be fine.
All day last Thursday, and on Friday when I woke up - I expected to be sad. A lot has happened this past year - much of it very difficult. There have been lots of tears through the year, so I was expecting to cry on this anniversary date. I think I actually "tried" to be sad. Something tragic happened in our lives a year ago. Our lives were totally turned upside down. Floyd was ripped from our every day lives.
Instead, much to my amazement, I found my heart pouring out worship to the Lord.....it just bubbled up inside me. Every time I thought of the hard/difficult/sad things that have happened.......immediately behind that thought was a thought of how good and faithful God was in that situation. I didn't even have to stop and think about it......it just poured forth, like breathing. I kept thinking of how lovingly and graciously He has carried me and our family through this most difficult of years.
During the day while I was recalling all the memories from a year ago, Floyd had a special visit with one of the carers. He asked Floyd to do various movements - lifting his head, arm, leg, foot, smiling, etc.......repeatedly. Floyd responded quickly and effectively to all the requests. This was even better than a session he had recently with one of the therapists that we were all excited about!
We have prayed lots of prayers this past year. Some have clearly been answered. Others - we haven't seen the answers yet. This is where trust comes into play......and where we realize "His ways are higher than our ways." We wait to see what "His way" is going to be.
In the meantime, we worship Him - every praise belongs to Him!
"All praise belongs to God Most High." Genesis 14:20
"Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever." Revelation 7:12
"I will praise you, Lord my God, will all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." Psalm 86:12
This week I felt that while my sister, niece and grandniece are here, as a family we should have communion with Floyd. We did that. It was a very sweet time as we broke bread, sang to him, played worship songs, and prayed for resurrection miracles for him - and healing for me. There was a lovely presence of the Lord with us. Floyd teared up often, and cried a few tears.
On Tuesday I went for my PET scan and on Wednesday I got my results…
Unfortunately, my tumor is still there. In fact, it has grown a bit since my first tests. It hasn't spread elsewhere - that is good news!
I will definitely need to do chemo again - the same kind, the same strength. I'll possibly start towards the end of next week, but more likely early the following week.
I have a lovely Dr. She is very caring. She understood not only how disappointing it is to have the cancer back, but how hard it will be to go through treatment without Floyd. She actually teared up with me at the end, and gave me a big hug. I appreciate having a Dr. like that!
I keep thinking that none of this is a surprise to the Lord. I'm still in the palm of His hands, and He is still caring for me. He hasn't failed me for even one minute this past year, so I know He'll help me with this.
"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments." Deuteronomy 7:9
My trust is still firm in Him. He is faithful!