These last few days brought unexpected news on our journey again. It seemed like the "roller coaster" was continuing, but my daughter said it felt more like whiplash!
After being so very grateful that my PET scan came back "all clear" a few weeks ago, my gynecologist/surgeon, very unexpectedly, found a small tumor. I am disappointed, but grateful that this was found very early on and my surgery is booked to have it removed.
My first emotions were of feeling "deflated" - like all the air had been let out of my balloon. Then I felt the "whiplash" - like I was going in one direction and was suddenly jerked back to head a different way. Now I have "settled" into a peace with remembering that this wasn't a surprise to God. He is sovereign. He is right by my side. And He will help me with this new unexpected development.
I'm choosing to focus on the Lord, not on the difficulties ahead. I know He will continue to be faithful to help me get through this, and I'm trusting that He will somehow bring good from it.
I shared all this with Floyd this week. He was very alert and attentive - and very emotional. Some tears, and lots of blinks of assurance as I asked him to be praying for me.
"And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you." Psalm 39:7
A friend sent me this verse. As I read it, my heart said a hearty "amen!" God is my only "sure" thing! I couldn't make it without Him, and my hope is truly in Him.
On Floyd’s side he has been quiet and peaceful. I'm so grateful for the peace that the Lord gives him. I can't imagine all that goes through Floyd's mind - maybe questions, maybe anxiety, most likely frustration.......so I often, very often, pray for peace in his spirit. I'm so grateful to sense the answer to those prayers when we walk into his room. There is a spirit of peace. Thank you, Lord!
Two big things are happening today. It's the 2 year anniversary of when Floyd first became ill. I'll never forget that day. Everything leading up to it had been so normal, and then suddenly, out of nowhere, came the terrible pain in his left leg that started all that has happened. I would have never dreamed that day of what was to come. What a 2 year unexpected journey it has been!!
And today is when I'll have the unexpected surgery.
I've spent time this week preparing my heart for all this! God has been so incredibly faithful these past 2 years, so I have no doubt that He will be anything less than that in the days ahead. I will continue to hold tight to His hand, and let Him "carry" me if I'm too weak.
Several things have been illuminated in my heart in the last few days. I love how God doesn't "waste" any situation in our lives. He uses each one to teach us and grow us. It constantly amazes me that He does that.
The first thought that has been coming through loud and clear is that I need to focus on what we have, not on what is lacking. It's so easy when something unexpected pops up to focus on that.....on the new, hard thing that is ahead. As soon as I change gears and focus on all the good things in my life, on all the blessings God has brought - wow! It changes the whole perspective. It's actually hard to be worried about what is ahead because I see how much God has brought me through and how faithful He's been. When any anxiety pops up, I try to change my focus to thanking Him for all I have. It lifts any heaviness that has entered in.
I've also felt encouraged by the Lord that "the best way to handle any unwanted situation is to thank Him" for the situation. I confess that's easier said than done! I'm trying my best to thank Him for the upcoming surgery. What I think I've been able to thank Him for is that the surgeon was so thorough in finding this tumor......and that he can do the surgery quickly.....and that I have friends around who are loving and supporting me. Again, it lifts the dread and heaviness when I look at what I can thank Him for in the unexpected/unwanted situation!
I've also found that it's important not to let the current circumstances rob me of my faith and hope of what's ahead for all eternity. This trial, this unexpected journey, will come to a conclusion one day.......but I have eternity to rejoice in His presence. He's teaching me lessons to make me more like Him and prepare me for standing before Him someday. That thought certainly changes my perspective too!
How good, and awesome, and faithful He is. Yes, I'm still learning lessons - and I'm grateful I can share my heart with you.
"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside where God is making new life, not a day goes by without His unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 The Message
All I can say is "amen!"