From His Heart to Mine

The last few days have felt a bit like a roller coaster.  I was relieved at getting good news from my doctors after some tests and check-ups.  I'm so grateful for the warmer spring days after our cold winter.  I've had some days with good energy levels, so I've been able to accomplish some things.  And then - wham!  Out of nowhere I had an intense wave of grief hit me!  There was nothing to precipitate it, it just hit from one minute to the next.

I'm learning a lot about grief.  What happened to me this week is considered "normal."  Grief is unpredictable.  There is no right or wrong way to experience and walk through grief.  It can hit at any time.  It may go away in weeks, months, or years.  There's no set time table.  It's not just about death.  There can be grief over the loss of many things in life - marriage, health, job, financial security, friendship, dreams, a home, a beloved pet - the list goes on and on.  Any loss in our lives can bring grief.

Grief is not something to be ashamed of.  It's part of life.  If we don't grieve for things we've lost, it can actually be destructive.  If we've lost something significant in our lives, then there will be significant grief.  That's okay.  Healing from grief takes time, but with God's help - we'll get to the other side.  There is no typical response to grief because we're all unique individuals.  We just need to walk through it, holding onto God's comforting hand.

I was thinking this week as the wave of grief hit me of the verse "Jesus wept."  (John 11:35)  Jesus knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, and yet He wept.  I think perhaps the significance of that is that He wanted to show us that sorrow needs to be felt.  It's okay - important even.  Grief needs to be expressed.  As the wave of grief hit me this week, I had to stop and weep......just as Jesus did.  I had to allow my heart to feel and experience the grief.

I am sure this will continue to happen.  I wish there was a warning bell to alert me that it's coming, but that doesn't happen.  Thankfully the Lord wraps me in His sweet presence and takes me through it.  I loved my gentle giant deeply for over 54 years.  I'm now grieving deeply that he is no longer by my side.  Each time the wave of grief comes, it brings a bit of healing with it.  I'm grateful for that.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.....a time to weep, a time to mourn."  Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

"Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows."  Isaiah 53:4

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."  Matthew 5:4

I grieve because I lost something (someone) very precious.  In the midst of my grief, I can't help but be thankful for the wonderful life, love, and friendship I had with Floyd.  I'm so grateful for all our years together.  God has been good to me!

One of the things I love about the Lord is how incredibly personal He is.  Billions of people on the earth.  He loves and cares about them all.  But He sees us and responds to us individually.  It continually amazes me.

On a recent day when some things were weighing on my heart, I was doing my daily prayer walking on our deck.  It was an overcast day with just a faint mist in the air.  As I was walking, I saw a hint of color across the valley in the air.....like wavy lines of color.  Then, all the sudden, a beautiful, brilliant rainbow burst through.  It was gorgeous.  I quickly took a photo - and then it was gone.  It couldn't have lasted more than 90 seconds.

If you've followed my posts, you know that rainbows have been special to me on our unexpected journey.  Time and time again, on a hard day - often coming home from the hospital - there would be a rainbow.  It always ministered to me of God's goodness and faithfulness.  So, here again, on a heavy day was a stunning rainbow.  It touched my heart.  Because it came and went so quickly - if I hadn't been looking right where it appeared, I would have missed it.  It felt like it was just for me!!  God knew I needed that reminder of His faithfulness.  It felt intensely personal - from His heart to mine.  My heart was so blessed.  I’ve used the photo at the top of this post.

At the Celebration of Life memorial service for Floyd, there was a musical prelude for 10 minutes before it started.  It was a song called "Love Divine."  It was Floyd's favorite hymn, and it was sung at our wedding.  I love the words of the first verse:

"Love divine, all loves excelling,
Joy of Heav’n to earth come down;
Fix in us thy humble dwelling;
All thy faithful mercies crown!
Jesus, Thou art all compassion,
Pure unbounded love Thou art;
Visit us with Thy salvation,
Enter every trembling heart."

I am so grateful that He visits us and enters our trembling hearts when we need Him.  He is so loving and kind.

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  Psalm 143:8

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope."  Psalm 130:5

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song."  Psalm 28:7 

"Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him."  Psalm 34:8

I am so grateful for our loving, personal Father.  He knows me.  He knows what I need.  He comes close to me with whatever I need.  How good He is!