Step by Step

I'm often asked how I've made it through these last years - battling cancer and Floyd's illness (plus a few other things) all at once.  The simple answer is "step by step."  Often times not even a day-at-a-time - but an hour or two at a time!

There's a temptation to look at the "bigness" of everything, but I quickly learned I couldn't do that.  I could only handle a little bit at a time.  I continually called on the Lord for grace, strength, wisdom, and help.  I had to do and decide about things that I had no idea how to handle.  I had to make so many decisions.  To be honest, it was often really overwhelming.

From day 1 when Floyd was admitted to ICU - and through the next 5+ years, I called on the Lord so much that I thought He might get tired of me.  I was so out of my depth in decision after decision that I had to make.  I consulted family, friends, and our lawyer - but mostly I cried out to the Lord.  He was always faithful to help and guide me.  Many times I felt His presence with me and His whispers in my ear of what to do.

It was truly one-step-at-a-time!  I learned that when going through a hard time - don't fight it, don't deny it, don't give up - just lean into the Lord for His always faithful help.

"Be strong...for I am with you."  Haggai 2:4

"From the end of the earth (Cape Town) will I cry unto You, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the Rock that is higher than I."  Psalm 61:2

"You will keep him (her) in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he (she) trusts in You."  Isaiah 26:3

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."  Philippians 4:6

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."  Psalm 46:1

"When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul."  Psalm 94:19

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe."  Proverbs 18:10

I would sometimes picture myself running into that "strong tower."  I would quote verses of promise like the ones above.  I would sing songs declaring God's greatness.  And I would wait on Him for answers to everything I needed to know.

I remember one day walking out of ICU crying because of the "advice" a doctor had just given me.  Everything about it seemed wrong.  I told the Lord I needed His help.  As I walked into the hallway, there were some friends from another country who had come to see Floyd.  They were "angels" God had sent to me.  They hugged me, prayed for me, and helped me get perspective.  It was so timely.

I learned to never make quick decisions if I wasn't feeling at peace.  Sometimes I excused myself to go to the bathroom where I would pray and ask God for help.  We can't give in to pressure if our heart isn't at peace!!  I'll share more about that next time.

God never, ever failed me.  He was with me each step of the way.  He helped and guided me all through those years.  I am so grateful!