God Wants The Best

I recently had a dream that has stuck with me.  The details aren't significant, but the theme of the dream is.  It was - "God wants the best for you."  I've been chewing on that for days.

First of all I don't think the "best" refers to the popular health and wealth theology.  God's best for us has to do with our walk with Him, making us more like Him,  and developing our character.  His best for us is always with eternity in mind.

When we were moving to South Africa, we got quite a few words from people that "the best was yet to come."  I was struggling with moving so far away from my grandchildren, so that word meant a lot to me.  I clung to it.

Then I was diagnosed with cancer - and would go through years and years of treatment.  Not too long afterwards, Floyd was suddenly struck ill and would spend 5+ years in the hospital before he passed away - ultimately leaving me as a widow.

I had quite a few conversations with the Lord about all this!!  I hadn't thought of the "best" involving these things.  The Lord patiently spoke into my heart about His love, His care, His provision, His closeness, His lessons, and His guiding me through those difficult years.  Many times I wept as I saw how tenderly the Lord carried me through those times.

I'm still dealing with cancer and grieving the loss of my dear husband, but I'm far enough along to have some perspective.  I'm not a theologian, but I don't believe that God causes hard things to come into our lives.  We live in a fallen world with plenty of things to be difficult - sickness,

loss, financial pressures, relationship conflicts, and many other things.

What God does is step into those things with us.  He doesn't leave us alone.  He uses those hard things to teach us lessons, and draw us closer to Him.  He doesn't "waste our sorrows" as Paul Billheimer wrote about.  He uses each thing to bring the best into our lives from His perspective.  I could make a long list of precious things that came into our lives through those hard years.  No pain was wasted.  No tear fell unnoticed.  No sorrow was left uncared for.  In the midst of the suffering, God was so good and faithful.  I would hate to go through those things again, and yet I wouldn't have wanted to miss all the "best" things that came from those years.

I remind myself of all this when I face new hurdles - especially since I'm walking through them now without Floyd.  I don't like hard things!  But I now have a firm foundation of knowing God has my best at heart.  He is with me and will guide and help me.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29:11

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:29

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths."  Proverbs 3:5,6

"The temptations (I would say trials) are no different from what others experience.  And God is faithful.  He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand.  When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure."  1 Corinthians 10:13 (NLT)

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God."  Psalm 20:7

"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'  Surely He will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.  He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.  You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday."  Psalm 91:1-6

I could go on and on.  The Bible is filled with verses of God's heart for us and how He will be with us.  God's best for us is better than we think - it just may be different than we think.  He's trustworthy - we can put ourselves into His loving hands.

A Wonderful Godly Heritage

Here in South Africa we recently celebrated Heritage Day. It's celebrated annually to honor the country's rich cultural diversity, traditions, and history.  It's made me stop and think of my heritage.  I am exceedingly blessed with a rich heritage.

I think first of all of my mother.  She's not well known or famous, but I'm sure she'll be honored in heaven.  She was a powerful woman of prayer!  I'm so grateful for her prayers for Floyd and me.  Often when we would compare dates and times, we'd realize God had prompted her to pray for us in times of need.  Once when we were in a remote village in Kenya, I was ill and close to death.  God woke her in the middle of the night to pray for my life.  It was at the exact time I was fighting for my life.  She helped pray me through.  The doctors weren't sure I'd make it.

Her prayers for me started many years before.  I was very small when I was born.  I wore doll clothes and fit in a shoe box.  When I was a few days old, my mom and my Aunt Lillian took me to our Assembly of God church and laid me on the altar at the front of the church.  They dedicated me to the Lord, and dedicated themselves to pray for me every day of my growing up years - praying that I would love the Lord and become a missionary.  They didn't tell me anything about this - until my mom came to Floyd and me on our wedding day.  She said she had a "gift" for us - and she told us of all those years of those 2 dear ladies praying for us.  It was beyond priceless to hear that!  I'm sure that many of the things we have lived out are a result of their prayers.

Growing up we didn't have a lot of money.  My mom had a very strict amount for household needs and groceries - and yet she was always helping those less fortunate than us.  She cooked enough food in our kitchen to feed dozens of people.  I often thought of the widow in 2 Kings who had her meager amount of oil multiplied to be what she needed.  I'm sure God multiplied the food in my mom's kitchen!!  She taught me caring and generosity - a spirit of giving that wasn't dependent on what she had.  I'm forever grateful for that.

Growing up, my dad wasn't walking with the Lord.  He had become hurt and bitter over some things that happened in our church.  He was in a backslidden state.  When I wanted to go on an overseas missions trip when I was 16, he was totally against it.  I needed him to sign a release form for me to go.  I sat down to talk with him and shared how important it was to me - it was the first step in what I planned for my future.  He never said anything, but the next morning the paper was on the kitchen table - signed!  When I sent home reports from my outreach he would share them with anyone who would listen - he was so proud.  Many years later while we were working in Amsterdam, the Lord allowed me long distance to lead him back to Jesus!  So precious!

In the evenings, my dad would sit reading the HUGE dictionary we had.  It inspired in me a love of learning that I'm so grateful for.  It's part of my heritage.  I used that dictionary to help my kids look up words when they were growing up - and it's now in my daughter's home.  It's a family treasure.

Floyd's Mom and Dad are a big part of my/our heritage.  When we became engaged, Mom told me she had prayed for me for every day of Floyd's life.  She didn't know me or know who Floyd would someday marry, but she prayed for the right partner for him.  Mom and Dad were living examples to us of a Godly couple.  Their counsel through the decades was such a gift to us.  

There are so many others - my sister, 17 years older than me, was my friend and help countless times.  Growing up she helped me through many hard times.  A pastor in our church, Sam O'Toole, was the one who believed in me and introduced me to YWAM - telling me that God could use me at a young age.  A dear friend, Barbara Ruane, went to be with Jesus on Friday.  She was a support and encourager to me during our daughter's long illness, and when we decided to move to South Africa.  Her love and friendship is definitely part of my heritage.

I could go on and on.  I am richly blessed with a wonderful Godly heritage.  I don't take it for granted.  I know it's a gift - I know that each of the ones I've mentioned is a treasure.

I think it's good for us to think of the heritage we have.  It reminds us of God's involvement in our lives.  He's had His hand on each of us since our birth - even if we weren't aware of it.  He loves us, watches over us, and brings the right people into our lives.  

"The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places; yes, I have a goodly heritage."  Psalms 16:6

God's Compensations

The last few weeks have been difficult ones for me on a number of levels.  I have had to learn again to press into God's sufficient grace one-day-at-a-time.  He has been faithful to meet me and help me.

Winter, in particular, is difficult for me.  My pain levels go up, and my energy levels go down.  Our winter this year has actually been milder than normal, but it has still impacted me quite a lot.  I have a long list of things I haven't been able to get done because I just haven't had the energy.  I'm working on catching up.

As a young adult, one of the guiding principles that the Lord put on my heart is that there is always something good that He brings even in the hardest of times.  In sickness, in weakness, in times of financial stress, in ministry pressures, in loss, in whatever we face - there's also goodness.  In my mind's eye, I see the Lord balancing the scales - hard things with good things.

One of the incredibly good things in our winter is the amazing sunsets that we have.  They are works of celestial art!!  I've used a photo of one for this post.  It is not taken by me - but it's what I get to see.  The colors are amazing - the combination of colors and clouds constantly changing.  I stand looking at God's creation in wonder, awe, and gratitude.  The winter sunsets are truly a gift to me.

I wrote before in one of my early updates that God brings compensations into our lives.  It's His way of balancing the scales.  "The Lord is just in all His ways."  Psalm 145:17.  He doesn't take something away or require something of us without replacing it, compensating us with something of equal, or usually greater, importance, value, and significance.  I've seen it time and time again in my life.  If we open our "eyes" to see it, it's there.

I read a quote by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross:  "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.  These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.  Beautiful people do not just happen." 

When I go through a hard time, this is one of my prayers - that the Lord will allow His beauty to shine in my life and help me reflect Him to others.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22,23 

"Consider it all joy....when you encounter various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2,3

"Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job.  Instead, be glad that you are in the thick of what Christ experienced.  This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner."  1 Peter 4:12,13  The Message 

God is the Master of balancing the scales in our lives.  I trust Him to bring gifts that only He can give from the trials and testings of our lives.  He is abundantly faithful to do that!  

The God of Impossibilities

've been thinking a lot recently about the prayers I pray.  I pray rather softly.  I don't pray with a loud voice.  I don't usually pray with a lot of intensity.  I began wondering if how I prayed had anything to do with answers to prayer.  I did some studying along those lines.  

There are lots of examples of how people prayed in the Bible.  Quiet - and loud.  Simple - and profound.  Emotional - and practical.  But one thing stood out to me.  Often prayers were based on God's promises.....things He has told us in the Word.  

- He promised to work in all things for our good.  Romans 8:28-30  

- He promised that He won't give us more than we can endure.  1 Corinthians 10:13  

- He promised to be with us, to strengthen us.  Isaiah 41:10

- He promised to forgive us.  1 John 1:9

- He promised He'll never leave us.  Matthew 28:20

- He promised He has good plans for us.  Jeremiah 29:11

- He promised to give us wisdom.  James 1:5

The list goes on and on.  The Bible is said to contain over 8000 promises.  I haven't counted them!  But there are so many good promises that God has said He has for us.  I've felt encouraged to pray according to His promises.  So many things seem impossible - but impossibilities are God's specialties.  His promises are good prayer starters.

"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."  Matthew 19:26

"Is anything too hard for the Lord?"  Genesis 18:14

"Almighty Lord, you made heaven and earth by your great strength and powerful arm.  Nothing is too hard for you."  Jeremiah 32:17

"I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted."  Job 42:2

I read that Charles Spurgeon said, "Do not treat God's promises as if they were curiosities for a museum; but believe them and use them."  I'm so grateful for the encouragement and assurance of God's promises.  I'm praying them daily.  He is faithful!

God Doesn't Change

Not too long ago, I went through something that I would least expect.  I was doing all the right things, but I experienced a spiritual dryness.  Things seemed dull and gray - like our overcast skies can be.  I wondered why.  I looked at a lot of possibilities, and asked the Lord about it.  To be honest, I couldn't find a specific reason.

I realized that others in the Bible had gone through times of dryness - David, Elijah, Jeremiah, Peter.  At least I was in good company!  I'm sure I've had times like this before in my life, but after the richness of the Lord's fellowship during Floyd's illness and my cancer journey - I was surprised at the difference.

I decided to stop trying to analyze it and just persevere through it.  I pressed in close to the Lord - to the "Vine" because "without Him I can do nothing."  I continued doing all the "right" things - praying, reading the Word, worshipping, reading/listening to rich messages, spending time in the Lord's presence, etc.  Then, one day - it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.  I always like to know "why" things happen.....but this was a mystery.  Like other things in life, I just walked through it to the other side.

The end result was that I was encouraged.....because whatever I'm going through God doesn't change.  He's always the same, and He'll get me through every single season I face.  He's so faithful!

"I am the vine; you are the branches.  If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."  John 15:5

"You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water."  Psalm 63:1

"The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."  Isaiah 58:11

When we're humble and dependent, He will lead us through the desert times to times of flowing waters.  I'm so grateful for how He helped me.

Instructions from the Word

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

I think that verse tells us how to face the circumstances of life.  It exhorts us to maintain a positive attitude when facing life's difficulties.

"Rejoice in hope."  We can keep hope alive in our hearts even when experiencing hard times.  As we walk in the joy God gives us - His joy is our strength - we can make it through anything.

"Be patient in affliction."  Or suffering.  Or trials.  Or the different seasons of life.  As we walk through any circumstance we can remain calm, peaceful, and steadfast.  God will use each situation to help us grow.  He doesn't "waste our sorrows."  He uses them for good in our lives.

"Be faithful in prayer."  Prayer is our lifeline!  Talking to the Lord as we navigate through each situation will allow the Lord to guide and help us.  No difficult circumstance we face is too big for God!  He's got us!  He is continually with us to help us.

I love how whatever we face, God has given us instructions in His word.  He is so faithful!

Step by Step

I'm often asked how I've made it through these last years - battling cancer and Floyd's illness (plus a few other things) all at once.  The simple answer is "step by step."  Often times not even a day-at-a-time - but an hour or two at a time!

There's a temptation to look at the "bigness" of everything, but I quickly learned I couldn't do that.  I could only handle a little bit at a time.  I continually called on the Lord for grace, strength, wisdom, and help.  I had to do and decide about things that I had no idea how to handle.  I had to make so many decisions.  To be honest, it was often really overwhelming.

From day 1 when Floyd was admitted to ICU - and through the next 5+ years, I called on the Lord so much that I thought He might get tired of me.  I was so out of my depth in decision after decision that I had to make.  I consulted family, friends, and our lawyer - but mostly I cried out to the Lord.  He was always faithful to help and guide me.  Many times I felt His presence with me and His whispers in my ear of what to do.

It was truly one-step-at-a-time!  I learned that when going through a hard time - don't fight it, don't deny it, don't give up - just lean into the Lord for His always faithful help.

"Be strong...for I am with you."  Haggai 2:4

"From the end of the earth (Cape Town) will I cry unto You, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the Rock that is higher than I."  Psalm 61:2

"You will keep him (her) in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he (she) trusts in You."  Isaiah 26:3

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."  Philippians 4:6

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."  Psalm 46:1

"When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul."  Psalm 94:19

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe."  Proverbs 18:10

I would sometimes picture myself running into that "strong tower."  I would quote verses of promise like the ones above.  I would sing songs declaring God's greatness.  And I would wait on Him for answers to everything I needed to know.

I remember one day walking out of ICU crying because of the "advice" a doctor had just given me.  Everything about it seemed wrong.  I told the Lord I needed His help.  As I walked into the hallway, there were some friends from another country who had come to see Floyd.  They were "angels" God had sent to me.  They hugged me, prayed for me, and helped me get perspective.  It was so timely.

I learned to never make quick decisions if I wasn't feeling at peace.  Sometimes I excused myself to go to the bathroom where I would pray and ask God for help.  We can't give in to pressure if our heart isn't at peace!!  I'll share more about that next time.

God never, ever failed me.  He was with me each step of the way.  He helped and guided me all through those years.  I am so grateful!

Don't Let Disappointment Stick

A few days ago I had a disappointment.  It wasn't some earth-shattering thing.  It was actually quite small, but none-the-less it stuck in my heart.  A day or so later when I realized it was still impacting me, I knew I had to deal with it.  I've learned through the years that even the smallest disappointment, if un-dealt with, can cause big problems.

It's so important to give the disappointment to the Lord.  It frees Him to act, to intervene on our behalf.  It's when He can take lemons and make lemonade.  He can bring good out of a bad or difficult situation because of His creative ability.  We shouldn't pout, or bargain, or threaten.....we just simply turn over the disappointment to Him.

Once I've given my disappointment to the Lord, I know I have to put it behind me - sometimes easier said than done!  I haven't really given it to the Lord if I keep dwelling on it.  I have found that God uses my disappointments - small, medium sized, and large - to help me grow.  Simply put - our disappointments are God's appointments.  He'll use the disappointment for good in our lives.  And once I've given the disappointment to the Lord, I must choose to be content in the situation - even if nothing ever changes.  Again, not always easy!

If I've responded in a wrong way to my disappointment, I know I need to repent.  It frees me from hanging on to the disappointment.  We'll never be completely free of disappointments in life, but we can be free from the burden and weight of them as we respond right to them.  I've been learning all this afresh these last few days!!  Good lessons for me. 

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life."  Proverbs 13:12

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:11-13

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God."  Psalm 42:11

I guess I still wish the disappointment hadn't been there - that things had gone a different way, but I'm "free" of it.  It's not stuck in my heart!  I'm so very grateful that the Lord helps us with the disappointments in life.  He is good and faithful - in every little detail!

With Me in All Things

I've had a couple unusual things happen recently.  I had a "moment,"  truly just a moment, when I was hit smack dab in the face with grief!  It came out of nowhere and just consumed me.  I'm sure it's partially because of all the tender, sentimental things in this Christmas season that remind me of Floyd.  It honestly took my breath away when it hit my heart so hard.  I sat down and started praying - and so very sweetly - it washed away as quickly as it had come.  My prayer turned to worship as I thanked the Lord for lifting the sorrow from my heart.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."  Matthew 5:4 

"Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows."  Isaiah 53:4 

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

On a different note, I woke up one morning excited about the day.  That's unusual for me.  I normally wake up and just do what has to be done that day.  But this particular morning I was truly excited as I began my day.  Nothing special was happening, but there was a distinct excitement and joy as I got out of bed.  I'm hoping that continues!  Sometimes I feel like I'm just plodding through my day - I like the excitement more. :)

"Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."  Nehemiah 8:10

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him."  Romans 15:13

"This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it."  Psalm 118:24

I've read enough about the season I'm in to know that both experiences are "normal."  But they were different enough to catch my attention.  I'm so grateful that the Lord is with us in whatever we go through.  I try to glean the lessons He has for me as I walk through this time in my life.  He has been so faithful to me!