He's With Us In The Storm

Floyd's condition is stable and he continues to be strong enough for them to take him out of bed into his chair.  I'm so grateful for that.  It makes a big difference.  We continue to pray for protection for the hospital staff from the virus.

Growing up on Galveston island off the coast of Texas, I lived through quite a few hurricanes - some mild ones, and some very terrible ones.  Sometimes we stayed put on the island and weathered the storm.  Other times we went inland for safety.  My mom had lived there all her life.  She had an uncanny ability to predict which ones would be bad.  She would stand on the 17 foot seawall looking at the water with the waves coming in and get a "feel" of what was happening.  There were some times when she'd say - "we need to leave."  I'm sure God was guiding her and speaking to her because she knew how to hear the voice of the Lord.

There was one particular storm when she felt we should leave.  We packed what we could into our car and went inland to stay with relatives.  I had a doll collection - dolls from all over the world that my brothers had brought to me when they were stationed overseas with the military.  I loved those dolls.  But we couldn't take them with us.  My parents had scrimped and saved for years to buy me a set of encyclopaedias for my studies at school.  That was the first thing that went into the car!

The storm was bad. Water had risen from the Gulf of Mexico side and from the bay side.  We had 6 feet of water in our house.  We had to wait for the water to go down before we could even go home.  When we did - everything was ruined...everything!

Including all my dolls.  Clothes, furniture - it was all gone.  It was a hard time for my family because we had very little money.  I'll never forget the impact of that storm on our lives.  Hurricane Carla is forever part of our family history.  It remains one of the strongest storms to ever hit the Texas coast.

Many years later there was a movie called "The Perfect Storm."  It wasn't perfect in a good way.  It was perfect in a horrible, catastrophic way.  There were some tragedies in the movie.  I remember watching that movie and thinking it was a bit too close to reality for me.  I didn't enjoy that movie.

Walking through our current pandemic has reminded me of these 2 things - the hurricanes I lived through growing up, and the movie of the perfect storm.  There is now the same sense of an incredible power, a force being at work - and the helplessness of feeling unable to do anything to combat it.

When I think back to the trauma of the storms that I lived through growing up (Carla was the worst, but not the only one), what comes to me most of all is how God helped us through all the things we faced.  Two things come to mind about Carla that show how God was with us in the small details of that event.  My mom had just bought a very large cardboard container of detergent that had been on sale right before we had to leave the island.  The container burst open when all the water came flooding in.  It was slippery when we walked back into the house because of all the soap everywhere - but it also helped with the clean-up.  A funny little detail that was a big help.

The second thing had to do with our dog.  We weren't able to take our dog with us.  It was so hard to leave him behind, but he was a big dog and there just wasn't room in our one small car with 3 people and our belongings.  We were sure the dog was lost.  However, as the water rose, the dog swam to an upstairs balcony and stayed there.  A neighbour had stayed on the island during the storm, and he went out in his boat to see how everyone's house had fared once the winds died down.  He saw our dog on the balcony, took him home, and cared for him until we returned.  Phone communication was down, so we didn't even know this until we were able to return.  It was a very happy reunion!

I'm not sure why these memories have come floating to the surface in recent days, but they have been very reassuring and comforting.  The God who cares for the sparrow - cared for our dog in that hurricane - He cares for you, me, and our families in this current COVID-19 storm!!!  We may not even see it for a while - but He is watching out for all the details of our lives.  He is with us.  He is caring for us in ways that aren't seen.  Someday we are going to have some great stories to tell - some wonderful memories of God's goodness.

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?  And not one of them is forgotten before God.  Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered.  Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows."  Luke 12:6,7

This verse has special significance to me.  With the current treatment I'm on - I have lots of hairs falling out each day.  I keep thinking that God is really having to watch over me carefully to keep count of my hairs!  The number is constantly changing. :) 

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear......See how the flowers of the field grow.  They do not labour or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you?....Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."  Matthew 6:25-33

"You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle.  Are they not in your book?  Psalm 56:8  When I think of all the tears I've shed - God has collected them and made note of them.  How tenderly He cares for me, for you.

"You formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."  Psalm 139:13,14  He has known us from before we were born - in our mother's womb.  He knows every detail of who we are!

God tells us "do not be anxious about anything."  Philippians 4:6  He doesn't just say to not worry about the BIG things.  He knew we would also have lots of small concerns, but He tells us to give those cares to Him.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you."  1 Peter 5:7

"In every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6

I love seeing how God cares for ALL the details of our lives!  He is a God of detail.

Memories are a strange thing.  They can lie dormant for years and years......and then suddenly pop up.  When an "old memory" rises to the surface, I usually take note as often God is speaking to me through the memory.  These memories from my childhood have reminded me that God has been with me all my life.  He is faithful!  He is carrying me through this pandemic.  Even though I'm alone here at home - and Floyd is miles away in his hospital bed......God is with us both, right by our side.  He is watching over us.

I recently watched a message by Louie Giglio called "It's Okay to Freak Out."  In his unique, practical, and insightful communication style, Louie talks about something that many are experiencing in the coronavirus pandemic.  Freaking out!  I appreciate his realness.  There's no pretence, no facade, no running from what we're facing.  There will be some freaking out that we all face.  I love when he says that it's okay to visit a freak out moment, but we just don't move in. :)

I've had a couple "freak out" moments.  Thank goodness I recognized them for what they were, and was able to turn to the Lord for His help right away.  I didn't move in!

The first one was in the initial couple days of my going into isolation.  I've had times of being totally alone before, so, in a sense, this wasn't a new experience for me.  But something about going into this time - not knowing how long it would be, not knowing when it would end, realizing that I'm totally alone and on my own.....well, it brought some freak out emotions with it.  I felt very isolated! 

I had to rein in my emotions, those feelings of uncertainty.  I had to speak out the truth of not being totally alone - God has never left my side.  I had to submit afresh my future to the Lord.  I had to step into a walk of deeper communication with Him since no one else is around.  I had to face the reality of this being a season that I've never walked in before.

I reminded myself that I've had 4+ years of facing one crisis after another since that traumatic day when Floyd fell ill.  One time I started making a list of everything I've had to face......and I stopped myself because the list was getting so long and it felt negative to even dwell on it.  But in each of those situations, God has been there for me.......so why would I have any concern about Him helping me in this new season?  Thankfully I was able to get my equilibrium back.  The freak out moment passed.

My second freak out moment came a few weeks later when I heard a report of how close the virus is to our home - physically close with cases being diagnosed.  I felt insecure, vulnerable, exposed.  I knew those feelings weren't of the Lord, and I very, very quickly turned to Him.  I spoke out my trust in His protection.  I quoted verses about Him being my Rock, my Refuge, my strong tower to run to.  A peace and sense of His watch-care over me flooded my heart.

I may have other freak out moments along the way......as I don't know how long I'll be in this isolation.  But I know I can go to Him each time and find fresh rest in Him.  

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge."  Psalm 18:2

 "For you are my rock and my fortress; for your name's sake you will lead me and guide me."  Psalm 31:3

"The Lord has been my stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge."  Psalm 94:22

"He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken."  Psalm 62:2 

"If you say, 'The Lord is my refuge,' and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.  For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways."  Psalm 91:9-11

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you."  Isaiah 43:2

Louie said when he had a freak out moment, he didn't feel a slap on the wrist, a rebuke from the Lord.......he felt the Lord clasping his hand and telling him it would be okay.  I'm holding tight to the faithful hand of the Father in whatever is ahead!  He is with me in this time of isolation. 

The Ladder Of Hope Is Held From Above

As Christians, there can sometimes be the assumption that if we are following the Lord, seeking His guidance, and obeying Him - that we won't have problems.  I don't happen to see things that way.  I'm fully aware that we live in a fallen world......there is sin and sickness around us.  The enemy goes about like a "roaring lion" trying to cause problems.  While God protects us from more things than we can possibly imagine, it doesn't mean we are immune to the fallen world around us. 

When I was diagnosed with cancer - and not too long afterwards Floyd was struck down......God wonderfully helped me to keep my focus on Him.  I knew we were where He had called us to be.  I knew we were following Him in obedience.  I knew we were in the centre of His will for our lives.  In many ways because of things we had walked through, things we had learned through the years - we both felt we were in our "prime" in spite of our ages ticking upward.  And then - wham!  We were in a season where we had been taken out of commission in many ways - especially Floyd.

People have asked me - were you not where God wanted you to be?  Did you have unconfessed sin?  Was something wrong?  I have to admit that I confessed every sin I could possibly think of......and then some. :)  I asked God to search my heart.  I sought Him for anything He might want to say to me.

Over and over again what I felt Him saying to me was - "keep your eyes on me.....trust me....continue to walk in my ways.....keep hope alive for my plans and purposes to be fulfilled in this season.....keep asking me for the impossible."  I have endeavoured to do that to the best of my ability.

I have to say that, in spite of all the trials and hardships, it has been a precious season!  I'm not sure I would willingly choose it - but I certainly can't regret it either.  The closeness and intimacy with Him has been more precious than fame, or wealth, or a life of ease.  I have nothing but gratitude in my heart to the Lord for His goodness and faithfulness these last few years.

In the time before we moved to South Africa - making such a massive change to "begin again" in a new land in our older years......we had this prophetic word spoken over us repeatedly:  "the best is yet to come."  In the natural if you look at things that have happened - it doesn't look like "the best."  And yet in my heart, in my walk with Him, I have been living in the most wonderful years of intimacy with Him that I have ever experienced.

I can't speak for Floyd about this, of course - but I have to say that there have been many, many times when I've walked into His hospital room and I've felt like I was on holy ground.  The presence of the Lord has been so real, so precious.  I know God has met Floyd during this time in ways that I may never understand this side of heaven, but I'm sure it's been rich and precious.

Why am I sharing all this with you?  I was emailing with a friend recently along these lines - and I felt prompted to share.  And with it I've felt the Lord saying that - in the midst of all we're going through right now in this worldwide pandemic.....we need to keep our eyes on Him, look for His goodness, trust Him - and be very, very careful not to take up any offense against Him.

That's the phrase that has been echoing in my mind these last few days.  "Don't take up offense again me."  He never promised us a life without trials.  In fact, He promises over and over in His Word to go with us through the trials - to never leave us or forsake us.  But He didn't say it would always be easy.

To this day, as I'm typing this, God has helped me and protected me.  I don't think I've taken up any offense against Him.  May God help me not to do that in any way!  He has been so faithful to help me day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.  I couldn't have made it on my own - but He has never left me.

Whatever you are facing in this time of isolation, lockdown, quarantine, shelter-in-place season - may I encourage you to not blame God, to not take up any offense against Him.  Through any sickness, any loss, any financial hardship, any difficulty - He is there to help us.  He is good, faithful, trustworthy - and He has the "best" in mind for each of us.  We are in His precious hands.

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."  2 Corinthians 4:17

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."  2 Corinthians 1:3,4

"We glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."  Romans 5:3,4

"The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all."  Psalm 34:19

I'm not some superwoman that's able to navigate this in any special way.  I am weak, and needy, and totally dependent on the Lord.  God has helped me with everything I've faced - and He will faithfully help you with whatever you are facing.  

When we face trials, suffering, hard times - in order to grow in our intimacy with Him in the midst of them and not take up any offense against God - one of the things that I have found to be so important is to keep hope alive.  "Without hope/vision, the people perish."

I've found that I can make choices to keep hope alive - but, ultimately, I need God's grace and strength and help.  He has always helped me in my weakness to keep hope in my heart.  In my lowest moments, in the times when life itself was draining from my body because of rigorous treatment for my cancer - I sensed God pouring hope into my heart.  About 30 or so years ago, I read a phrase that has stuck with me.  "The ladder of hope has nothing to stand on here below - it is held from up above."  How incredibly true that is.  Any and all hope we have is from our wonderful Father.

Hope can sound like a soft word - maybe even a bit weak sometimes.  People sometimes say "I hope so" - without much strength of conviction!  But hope is one of the strongest things we can have in our hearts.  If you talk to people who have gone through hard times, they'll always mention that they had hope for better times.  The strength of hope kept them going.  In fact I think that one of the purposes of trials and sufferings is to produce hope in our hearts, not to diminish it or destroy it.  In hard times, there is no middle ground.  We press into God and come to a place of hope - or our hearts become hardened because of the trials.

Over the years I've found some key ingredients that I must have in my life in order to maintain hope.

·      My hope must be rooted in who God is, in His character.  As we spend time with Him, speak out our trust, worship Him, spend time in the Word.....then hope grows in our hearts.  He's gone before us to prepare the way.  He's never left us, never forsaken us, never changed.  He's WITH us - continually.  He's won over loneliness, despair, over every difficulty we may face.  He's conquered death.  He's victorious.  Because of everything He is - we can have hope!

·      I must have a heart of expectancy for hope to thrive in my heart.  Faith  believes that God can do something - hope expects that He will.  They go hand-in-hand.  Hope keeps us going in hard times because we expect a better time ahead.  There are so many examples in the Bible of hopeless situations - where people kept hope alive, and God met them!  If hopelessness enters into our hearts, thankfully it's not a terminal disease.  God can help us cast it aside and start afresh with new hope, new expectancy.

·      Hope is closely linked with prayer.  It's in the place of prayer that hope can be rekindled.  God can remove the unbelief from our hearts and help it to burn bright again as we spend time with Him.

·      Hope needs to be coupled with joy.  If we have the hope, the expectancy in our hearts for something - it will be a joyful expectancy.  You don't think of hope as having a sad face.  It's not flippant, it's not a false spirituality.  It's real.  It faces trials, but remains joyful in hope because of being grounded in God.  We know He's sovereign.  He's faithful.  He doesn't go on strike or quit.  He doesn't get weary.  As we keep our focus on Him, as we worship Him - it's possible to have a joyful hope in the future.

·      Hope needs patience.  May I just state the obvious in saying this is the hard point!!  There are delays in seeing our hope fulfilled.  Setbacks come along.  We get discouraged.  We can so easily lose heart as it says in the Word.  I've learned that my sense of timing in seeing a hope fulfilled is very, very different from the Lord's.  I have to have patience with my hope.  Patient hope doesn't give God a deadline.  His timing is perfect.  He knows what He's doing.  We can trust Him.

·      Along with patience, my hope must persevere and endure.  In our day of "instant" everything, hope doesn't give up or give in. God uses the situations in our lives to teach us perseverance.  He stretches us and grows us through each trial we face.  I can look back over my life and see how God has done that.....and how He's strengthened my hope in each situation. 

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life."  Proverbs 13:12

"Hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us."  Romans 5:5 

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  Romans 15:13

"If we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."  Romans 8:25

"Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."  Romans 12:12 

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

I could go on for pages.  The Bible says so much about hope!!

In the midst of the global pandemic we're facing, if there's anything we all need right now - it's HOPE!  We must keep hope alive.  It's rooted in who He is.  It's expecting to see Him meet us in our lives.  It's spending time in prayer with Him so that our hope grows.  It's keeping a joyful spirit as we wait.  It's being patient.  It's persevering when times are hard.

And, most of all, it's remembering that God is always, always, always good and faithful!  He is our hope.

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace."  Numbers 6:24-26

The Power Of Gratitude

Floyd’s condition remains the same.  He is breathing easily and resting comfortably and peacefully.  We continue to pray for his well-being and protection and for the hospital workers to remain virus free.

My health has definitely been impacted the last few weeks.  I have good days - and not-so-good days.  It's all related to my cancer battle and treatment.  I'm so grateful that God is here with me in the isolation.  I couldn't make it on my own.

In recent days the Lord has been reminding me of how important and how powerful gratitude is for us.  I know I've shared about this a number of times, but it bears looking at afresh in our current situation.  With all we are facing, it's so easy to focus on the problems, the things we're being confronted with as we make our way through this unprecedented situation.  For me, it seems like I am daily facing challenges that leave me feeling overwhelmed.

I know I need to continually choose trust in the Lord.  I speak that out - I proclaim it over what I'm facing.  But the Lord is also showing me that if I'll continually express gratitude it actually helps lift the weight of what I'm being burdened with.  There are two aspects to this that God has been speaking to me about.  The first is to recognize that in the midst of things I don't have, I need to thank Him for all I do have.  There is so very much to be grateful for.  It's easy to overlook this when we're focused on the challenges we're facing, but choosing to be grateful has an amazing outcome of making our burdens lighter!!

The second thing that has been on my heart is a little different.  I was reminded this week of 2 Chronicles 20.  The people of Israel were facing three enemy armies.  King Jehoshaphat was seeking the Lord for what to do.  The Lord gave him a most unusual strategy.  He sent the people towards the enemy with a band of men singing and praising the Lord for His deliverance.  They were thanking the Lord for the victory ahead of time!  They led the way towards the enemy army with praise and gratitude.  They entered into battle with worship.  That is definitely a unique strategy! 

I think when we have hearts of gratitude before we see the answers to prayer - that has to do with trust and faith.  It's declaring who God is in our midst.  In the passage in 2 Chronicles, the enemy armies fought among themselves and destroyed each other.  By the time the armies of Israel got there, there was no one to fight.  

As I thank the Lord for what I have (instead of focusing on what is missing) - and as I thank Him ahead of time for victory in the things I'm lifting up to Him......it helps lift the weights and burdens off my shoulders.  The Lord "inhabits the praise of His people."  He loves it when we trust Him, and when we worship and praise Him.

"But thanks be to God!  He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."  1 Corinthians 15:57

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"For what you have done I will always praise you.....and I will hope in your name, for your name is good."  Psalm 52:9

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6

We are in the midst of a war fighting an unseen opponent - both the enemy and a horrible virus.  God has placed mighty weapons in our hands - trust in Him and gratitude.  As we "battle" with these weapons, God will work on our behalf.  He is faithful!

So much has changed in our world!  We communicate differently.  We shop differently.  Many work differently.  Our daily routines are different.  There is very little in our lives that hasn't been impacted in some way by the worldwide pandemic.  Change is certainly the key word for this time.  Everything has changed dramatically!

And yet - nothing has changed in relation to who God is in the midst of all this!  He is the same throughout time.  He is still with us.  He is still faithful.  He still gives sufficient grace for each day.  He still meets our every need.  He still walks right beside us - holding our hand in the spirit - calming our fears - carrying our burdens - meeting us when we call upon Him.  He is still only a whisper away.  We may be facing something that is unprecedented, but His precedent of being with us is solid and secure.  He is still our Rock and Refuge.  

My sister loves the verse from Acts 17:28 - "In Him we live and move and have our being."  She quoted it often to our family through the years.  I think it's more true than ever.  Everything that we are and have is rooted in Him.  Without Him, we would be in big trouble.

The phrase from a song has been echoing in my mind -  "I'm sheltered in the arms of God.  Let the storms rage high, the dark clouds rise, they don't worry me.  For I'm sheltered, safe, within the arms of God."  I woke up with it in my mind this morning.  I am held, protected, loved, cared for, strengthened, and helped.  In His arms I find peace, rest, and refuge - regardless of what storm is raging around me. 

More than ever I'm aware that I can't make it in my own strength and ability.  But I'm carried by His grace, in His arms - and that enables me to face anything.  I'm so grateful to Him.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10 

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."  Proverbs 18:10

"My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."  Psalm 121:2

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."  Psalm 46:1

"Behold God is my helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my soul."  Psalm 54:4

As I was writing this update, I had been humming another song "because He lives I can face tomorrow."  I looked up, and a little bird came and perched on the chair just outside my window.  It was a sweet visual reminder that just as the Lord cares for the sparrows, He cares for me, for you.  He is faithful!

Everything has changed because of what we're facing, but nothing has changed in terms of who He is in our midst.  "He is the same yesterday, today, and forever." 

Locked In With The Lord

I have some sweet praise reports.  Answers to our prayers!  Floyd's doctor was on duty over the weekend, so he saw a lot of Floyd.  He said Floyd is doing well.  His chest is clear, he's calm and at peace, and he's had the strength for them to put him in his chair. 

I have been sending video messages to him.  The therapist who plays them for him says that he connects and responds as she plays them for him - usually with various sounds he makes in his throat.  She said she thinks he's agreeing with me - and sending love back. :)  I'm blessed!

While I've been in isolation, I've had lots of different emotions impacting me.  I've been trying to identify and understand them.  I am beginning to get some clarity.  I think one of the things we are all facing is some level of grief.  I've faced a lot of grief the last few years, but I'm finding this is different.  I know it's important to grieve our losses during this time - whatever they might be.

At first I didn't see how I could be grieving.  No one close to me had passed away.  That's what we usually associate with grief.  And I've learned so much these last few years - God has helped me so much.  I thought that surely I could cope with and handle this season too.  But I'm learning that this season is unlike anything I (we) have faced before!  There are new things we're all facing - new things to deal with - new lessons to learn.

For some of you, there may be loss of a loved one during this time.  There may be loss of health - particularly if you've had the virus.  There is loss of everything that is familiar and normal - loss of our way of life.  There's a loss of expectations.....a loss of events we were looking forward to.  My granddaughter, like many students, has lost all her senior year activities, including her graduation ceremony.  Perhaps you're facing loss of income, loss of your job.  If you're like me, you could be facing loss of personal contact as you isolate all alone.  I'm facing loss of my visiting and being with Floyd.  I send videos to him, but it's not the same.

I didn't anticipate having grief during this time.  Grief can be exhausting.  It's constantly there - coming up in new and unexpected ways.  Just figuring out how to walk through all this, how to survive it, is in itself exhausting and draining.  It's hard to be as productive as we'd like to be - after all, we've got all this time now!  But being productive can be hard while we face and grieve unexpected things.

It's OKAY to say this is hard!  People the world over are acknowledging that this is an extremely hard time.  We're in the middle of a worldwide pandemic.  Very few people alive have ever faced that - there are just a few who went through the one in 1918.  This is stressful and uncharted territory.  We're all learning together how to navigate it.

One of the things that's become clear to me is how important self-care is right now.  Each of us must find activities that bring us rest, peace, and joy in this current season.  We need to find things that sustain us.  We must take care of ourselves physically (exercise, healthy food, sleep), spiritually (time with the Lord each day), and emotionally (what that may be will be different for everyone).  

We must "be kind" to ourselves.  I read one article that said because we have all this extra time right now, there's a temptation to put all kinds of expectations on ourselves of what we "should" accomplish.  Maybe, in the end, we'll actually accomplish less - but come through this time in a healthy way.  

During this time if we're struggling,  we should reach out to one another for support.  A burden shared is half a burden!!  We're meant for our lives to be interwoven through good times and hard times.  We can help one another as we walk together, but at a distance, through this.

Whatever we are facing during this unusual season - God will help us with it.  He wants us to look to Him, and to take care of ourselves. 

"He was....a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief."  Isaiah 53:3

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."  Matthew 5:4

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears!"  Psalm 34:17

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ."  Galatians 6:2

"Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."  Mark 6:31

"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed."  Mark 1:35 

"Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well."  3 John 1:2

I'm confident we will take many lessons learned during this time into our "new normal" of the future.   God will be with us each day!  He will "instruct us in the way we should go."  He will strengthen us and give us daily grace.  He is faithful always - and certainly during this unprecedented time.

I love how time and time again the Word speaks to us about the things that we experience.  Being "locked in" these days because of COVID 19 seems like such an unusual and strange thing to walk through.  And yet, it's not the first time that there have been lockdown type of experiences - although perhaps not of the same scale and magnitude that we are experiencing.  But we can go back to Biblical times and find examples of being "locked in" for us to learn from.

A friend passed on to me a list that someone had done of examples of being locked in taken from the Word.  They bear looking at.  I have adapted them to my way of understanding and applying them.

·      Genesis 39:20,21  -  When he was sold into slavery, Joseph ended up being put into prison.  He was quite literally locked in.  But the Lord was with Joseph in prison.  The result was that because of God being with him, he found favour.  He was given responsibility.  Whatever he did, the Lord made it to prosper throughout his life - blessing him, his family, and all of the kingdom. 

·      Exodus 12:22 – 27  -  The Israelites were told to put the blood of a lamb over their doorposts and to not go outside.  They were locked into their homes.  When the Lord passed through to smite the Egyptians, they would be passed over.  The result was an amazing deliverance.  They were set free from bondage.  This testimony would be part of their story, their inheritance forever.

·      Daniel 3:23  -  Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were tied up and thrown into the fire.  They were locked into the flaming furnace.  The result was that God came into their midst.  The king saw 4 men in the furnace - walking around unbound and unharmed.  The result is that they were delivered, their faith was strengthened, and they were able to be a testimony to the nation.  They didn't even smell of smoke after their time in the furnace. 

·      Daniel 6:16 – 23  -  Daniel was thrown into the lion's den because he prayed to God, a stone was placed at the entrance, and the king sealed him in.  He was locked in.  But God closed the mouths of the lions.  No harm came to Daniel.  The result is that God protected him.  He was delivered from the lions.  This was a testimony to the King and to the heathen nation.

·      John 20:19-27  -  The disciples were together, and the doors were locked for fear of the Jewish leaders.  They were locked in.  The Lord came into their midst and blessed them with peace and with the Holy Spirit.  Thomas had not been with them.  He doubted their experience, so the same thing happened a second time.  They were locked in again.  The result was that they were blessed with fresh anointing by the Lord as they went out to proclaim the Gospel. 

·      Acts 2  -  A hundred and twenty of the followers of Jesus were in the upper room.  They were locked in.  As they waited, they were filled with the Holy Spirit.  The result was an empowering baptism and commissioning to preach the Gospel.

·      Acts 16:24-33  -  Paul and Silas were in prison with their feet in stocks.  They were locked in.  An earthquake came and set them free.  But they didn't flee.  The result was that many saw God's power, hearts turned to Him, and a new church was planted.

·      Matthew 6:6  -  "When you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.  Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."  We can make a choice to go into lockdown with the Lord.  The result is intimacy with Him, and an assurance that God will meet us.

With the lockdown around the world that many of us are experiencing, it's often looked upon as being a negative experience.  Many are complaining.  Some are protesting.  And all of us are being impacted in some way.  It may be frustration, loneliness, the grief I wrote about, a feeling of helplessness, fear, anger, insecurity - there's a multitude of feelings being experienced.  All are real, powerful, often overwhelming us.

As I've pondered the Biblical passages above, the clear message that has come through to my heart is that I need to keep my eyes on the Lord in the midst of the lockdown.  All of these situations were marked by an unusual presence of God and by His Spirit being at work.  I need to focus on Him during this time.  I need to give my feelings to Him.  I have come to understand that this season is an invitation to draw close to Him in the midst of an unprecedented time.  I am expecting good things from Him.

This lockdown is a part of human history forever.  I am asking God to make this time part of my spiritual history in ways that only He can.  I pray that for you too!

He Is Always Behind Us

Floyd had a quiet time over the Easter weekend as some of his staff were off for the holiday.  I have been asking God to be especially close to him.

As we celebrated Easter this past weekend I found my heart overwhelmed with gratitude.  We face an unprecedented situation in our world right now, but when I think of all that Jesus has done for us - it gives me fresh strength and grace to face the needs we have.  I'm so thankful for the cross.  So thankful that He is risen.  We serve a miracle working God!

The President of South Africa addressed the nation last week and extended our lockdown until the end of April - a further 2 weeks.  He closed his address by saying "the message of Easter is one we carry in our hearts tonight.  It is the message of hope, of recovery, and of rebirth.  We shall overcome.  May God bless South Africa and protect her people."  I pray that for our world as well.

I've been told by various friends around the world that many are struggling with hopelessness.  What we're facing, they say, seems too big, too overwhelming, just simply too much.  But if there's ever a reminder to have hope - it's the Easter weekend as we reflect on what God has done for us through His Son Jesus.  For the followers of Jesus, for His friends and family, for those who only knew Him from afar - Good Friday looked hopeless.  The One they hoped in was crucified.  It looked bleak.

And yet, two days later we know how the story ends.  He conquered death, hell, and the grave.  He arose!  He overcame the darkness and despair.  He showed us that with Him THERE IS HOPE.  Nothing is impossible.  Nothing is too hard for Him.  Nothing is hopeless.

I felt over the weekend that I personally needed to just simply focus on what Jesus has done for us.  That I should encourage you to do the same.  We are not without hope because we serve a God of hope.  Jesus showed the way through His death and resurrection.  As we reflect on that and worship Him for what He did for us, may hope be birthed afresh in all our hearts.  I have fresh hope to believe for miracles in situations around me!

"Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"Hope that is seen is not hope.  For who hopes for what he already sees.  But if we have hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."  Romans 8:24,25

"Hope does not disappoint us...."  Romans 5:5

"The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love."  Psalm 147:11

We can have hope because our hope is grounded in God.  The Easter weekend reminds us that our hope is grounded in what Jesus has done for us through the cross and resurrection.

He has gone before us to prepare the way.

He's never left us, never forsaken us, never changed.

He's with us!

He's won over loneliness, over sickness, over despair - over every victory.

He's conquered death.  He's victorious.

Because of who He is and what He's done - we can have hope no matter what we are facing!

Over the Easter weekend, someone sent me this poem that spoke to my heart -  

"Still He Walked"

He could hear the crowds screaming "crucify" "crucify"...
He could hear the hatred in their voices,
These were His chosen people.
He loved them,
And they were going to crucify him.
He was beaten, bleeding and weakened...
His heart was broken,
But still He walked.

He could see the crowd as He came from the palace.
He knew each of the faces so well.
He had created them.
He knew every smile, every laugh, and every shed tear,
But now they were contorted with rage and anger.
His heart broke,
But still He walked.

He searched the crowd for a loving face and He saw very few.
Then he turned His eyes to the only One that mattered,
And He knew that He would never be alone.
He looked back at the crowd...
At the people who were spitting at Him
Throwing rocks at Him and mocking Him
And he knew that because of Him,
They would never be alone.
So for them, He walked.

The sounds of the hammer striking the spikes echoed through the crowd.
The sounds of His cries echoed even louder,
The cheers of the crowd, as His hands and feet were nailed to the cross,
Intensified with each blow.
Loudest of all was the still small voice
Inside His Heart that whispered "I am with you, my Son",
And God's heart broke.
He had let His son walk.

Jesus could have asked God to end His suffering,
But instead He asked God to forgive.
Not to forgive Him, but to forgive the ones who were persecuting Him.
As He hung on that cross, dying an unimaginable death,
He looked out and saw, not only the faces in the crowd,
But also, the face of every person yet to be,
And His heart filled with love.
As His body was dying, His heart was alive.
Alive with the limitless, unconditional love He feels for each of us.
That is why He walked.

When I forget how much My God loves me,
...I remember His walk.
When I wonder if I can be forgiven,
...I remember His walk.
When I need to be reminded of how to live like Christ,
...I think of His walk.
And to show Him how much I love Him,
...I wake up each morning, turn my eyes to Him,
.......And I walk.

Author Unknown

I have read this poem a number of times.  When I face a difficult moment, I thank Him that He walked.  When things seem big, overwhelming - I remember that He walked.  When I need fresh strength and grace, I'm reminded that He walked.  Because He walked......we can stand - we can face whatever comes into our day.

I'm so very, very grateful that He walked!  I celebrated that walk all through the Easter weekend.

"And He, bearing His cross, went out to a place called the Place of a Skull, which is called in Hebrew, Golgotha."  John 19:17

When you face a tough moment - remember He walked for you!

Because He walked - He is always behind us in anything we face!

Peace That Passes Understanding

Floyd is doing well this week.  They've actually been able to get him out of bed and into his chair for the first time in months.  He had been too weak for this for so long.  I know he would have loved the change.  I’m so grateful for the hospital staff - they truly love Floyd, so I know he is getting lots of attention during this time when the hospital is functioning more slowly.

I have been having some rough days.  I think it is the awful side effects of the treatment I'm on.  I pray that this all passes on quickly and for my body to gain strength.

One of the things I'm noticing is that we all need a fresh touch, a fresh blessing of God's peace.  In fact, as I've prayed, I've felt to speak "peace" over all our hearts.  A wonderful, sweet "peace that passes understanding."  Philippians 4:7  May He minister to each of our hearts with His precious peace.

The Lord has been reminding me of principles for walking in His peace.  None of them are new.  They're not hard.  They're just practical steps for responding to difficult times and receiving His peace.

·      I need to continually focus on Him, not on all the problems (of which there are many these days).  I must take responsibility for what I'm focusing on!  I heard someone say that "whatever we focus on determines what we become."  As we focus on Him, we become more like Him - and we walk in His grace to cope with the hard season.                                                                                            

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."  John 14:27

·      I need to be careful not to worry about the future.  It is sooo easy to do that in the midst of this pandemic.  No one knows what the future is going to look like - and everyone that speculates on it is so pessimistic.  It's easy to get "lost" in all this.  God tells us to walk with Him one-day-at-a-time.  

"Give us this day our daily bread."  Matthew 6:11

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matthew 6:34

·      I need to fill and keep refilling my heart with gratitude.  As I take time to be in His presence, as I quiet my heart in the midst of the storms raging around me - my heart will discover much to be thankful for.  I can lift my gratitude as worship to Him - which releases waves of His sweet peace.

"The fruit of the Spirit is.......peace."  Galatians 5:22

·      I need to choose daily to spend time with Him.  Spending time in His presence is spiritual warfare against worry.  It's a weapon we have against fear, worry, anxiety, and despair.  It's one of the best ways to receive His peace - by sitting at His feet and spending time with Him.  

"Great peace have those who love my law."  Psalm 119:165

·      I need to speak out my trust in Him.  I can release the burden of fear or anxiety on my heart by speaking out trust in who He is and how He promises to meet me.  Trust doesn't just happen - I choose it, I respond with it in difficult moments.  If I don't - the enemy tries to come rushing in with all of his deception.  He is just looking for ways to exploit this global pandemic and cause people to lose their trust in God.  We can't let him do this.  We must fervently, continually speak out trust in God.

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid."  Isaiah 12:2

·      I need to receive the peace God is offering.  It's a promise, a provision, and a gift to us.  I don't have to earn it.  He freely offers it.  As I receive it, it helps me release my problems, my worries, my needs to Him.

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace."  Numbers 6:24-26

When I realized that I needed to go into isolation as a preventative measure (because of my age, my lowered immunity, and my current cancer treatment) - I didn't realize how the shocking change of that would impact me.  I've been house bound a lot during our unexpected journey because of my treatment, but I've never been totally alone.  It's very different.  I think I have missed Floyd more keenly in recent days than I have during these last 4 years.  

The first few days were hard.  They were right before we went into national lockdown, so everyone was talking about what was happening.  The news was filled with everything about the pandemic.  As I had tried to buy some supplies, the shops had been packed and the shelves had been empty.  It all felt very intense.  I found my heart being anxious.  I knew I couldn't survive the isolation if I was filled with anxiety.

As I spent time with the Lord during those initial days, He graciously reminded me of His ways.  Last week I shared about dealing with fear......and I wanted to share today about the wonderful peace that God gives.  I have needed to put all these principles into place afresh in order to make sure I didn't fall into any traps of the enemy during this time.

I keep up on the news, but I don't spend huge amounts of time focusing on it.  I have found things that bring relaxation and rest.  I talk to the Lord.  I pray for others.  I speak out gratitude for all His goodness to me.  I find things to make me smile and laugh.

And through it all - I've been able to receive His peace.  I pray for that for all of us!  He is a God of peace.  The one who calmed the stormy seas in the Gospel passages wants to minister His love, comfort, and peace to us in this tumultuous, stormy time.  I speak peace to your hearts and mine today because of who He is.

In this most unusual season there are so many things that impact our lives and our overall well-being.  Big things and small things.  Important things and inconsequential things.  This morning I was hurrying to do something, and I accidentally deleted something from my phone.  I was frustrated and upset with myself.  I tried for a couple hours to retrieve it without success.  

In the big scheme of things, it wasn't something of great importance.  It was just something that was special to me.  I found myself so heavy hearted.  I was upset with myself, upset with my phone, and just plain upset.  I sat down to think about it and realized it was all out of perspective.  It was disappointing - yes.  But it wasn't that big a deal.  I realized that I'm just more vulnerable because of all that is happening with me, with Floyd, with our family and friends, and with our whole world!  It's easy for little things to feel bigger than they are.

A few days ago a friend asked for input as he worked on a mental health plan for medical workers.  I shared a few suggestions of things that I have found helpful both on our unexpected journey - and in times past of stress and difficulty.  I was reminded of them this morning again when I faced my frustration.  It's so important that we keep ourselves healthy - both physically and emotionally.

·      Realize that it's okay if you're feeling stressed and overwhelmed.  It doesn't mean you're weak or that you're wrong.  It IS a hard time.  It's okay to acknowledge that.  In fact, it's important to acknowledge it.  If we try to pretend or cover it up, it will eat away at us.

·      Find someone that you can share with/talk with.  A burden shared is half a burden!  I'm always amazed that when I'm facing something hard and I share it with a friend - it just feels lighter afterwards.  And with all our amazing apps these days, it's easy to stay connected even when we can't be together.

·      Tears are okay too.  They are God's "release valve" for us.  They help release pressure and stress.  God gave them to us as a gift He knew we'd need.  When we bottle up our tears and allow them to be unshed, it just creates more pressure for us.

·      When you can, smile.  A smile is a powerful releaser of endorphins for us.  I look for things that make me smile and laugh.  There are so many jokes and clever things going around right now about what we're facing.  People are so creative.  Some very sweet things, too, that just make me smile real big.  I always feel better afterwards.

·      Whenever you can, take a short break.  Even just sitting in the fresh air and sunshine for a few minutes will help.  In our lockdown here in South Africa we aren't allowed to leave our property except for buying groceries and medicine.  Just taking a few minutes to be outside really helps.  Or finding something to do that is relaxing and refreshing.  I love jigsaw puzzles.  I just finished my second one of lockdown.  I take short breaks during the day to work on it.

·      If possible, try to find a regular exercise.  It improves our mental and emotional health.  I see my neighbours jogging around their yard.  I walk up and down our long deck.  Stretching is good - gardening - whatever works for you.

·      Get sleep when you can!  The body needs it to keep functioning.  Our lockdown/shelter in place season is a good time to take a few naps!

·      And obviously, prayer is so important.  Taking time to talk to the Lord about what we're facing is the best thing we can do.  Because I'm alone, I just walk around talking to Him all the time!  We've had some great conversations. :)  He always listens.  He never condemns.  He always comforts me and lifts the burdens from my heart.  It's so helpful to "cast our burdens" on Him.  

I'm sure there are many more things, but these have been particularly helpful to me.  And, yes as I learned this morning - keep things in perspective.  Don't let little things become big things unnecessarily.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles."  2 Corinthians 1:3,4

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

"Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you."  Psalm 55:22

"My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from Him, He alone is my rock and my salvation."  Psalm 62:1,2

God will help us stay healthy physically, emotionally, and spiritually during this season.  As we do our part, He is faithful to help us!

Keep Our Eyes On Him

The hospital where Floyd is has closed to all visitors.  I'm really glad about that as another layer of protection for him.  The doctor told me this morning that Floyd is doing well.  

I have been through so many different and difficult things during our unexpected journey.  I made a list one time - it was very long.  But never, ever in my wildest imagination would I have thought of a worldwide pandemic and a national lockdown.  It seems like something out of a science fiction movie.  The world has truly been turned upside down in a matter of weeks.

Almost everyone I'm in communication with is facing some level of fear and anxiety.  It's understandable.  What we're facing is unprecedented.  

I think what we are facing is an attack on our minds as well as our bodies.  We must continually choose faith over fear.  If I let my mind wander, I begin to get worried - about Floyd, about myself, about my family in various places, about my friends, about All Nations, about my local community, about our nation of South Africa with its vulnerable people living in shacks......there are so many things to be worried about.

I tell myself that I must not worry - but if even for a few minutes I let down my guard, my mind goes there.  Worry and fear will constantly knock at the entryway of our minds if we're not careful.  We have to banish them to the foot of the cross minute by minute.

My trust in God is having to go to deeper and deeper levels each day.  My choosing to not let worry or fear enter in is a battle that I am determined not to lose.  I am recalling every lesson I have learned on our journey.  I am holding tight to His hand as we all walk into an uncertain future.

A friend was reading Floyd's book "Leading Like Jesus" this week.  She sent me a passage from his chapter on testing.  I found it encouraging.

"In 2 Corinthians 1:8-10, Paul describes the lessons he learned from the difficult tests he passed through:

We don't want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province.  It was so bad we didn't think we were going to make it.  We felt like we'd been sent to death row, that it was all over for us.  As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened.  Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally - not a bad idea since He's the God who raises the dead!  (The Message) "

I almost felt like Floyd was speaking to me to remind me to keep looking to God continually.  I'm choosing minute by minute to do that.  He is faithful and has never failed me!

I've found that clinging to the promises in God's word has been a "rope" to hold on to as I navigate this time.  There are soooo many verses of promise, hope, and help.

"Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 17:8

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley.....I will fear no evil, for you are with me."  Psalm 23:4 

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."  Proverbs 18:10

"The Lord will keep you from all harm - He will watch over your life."  Psalm 121:7 

"Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me, for in you I take refuge.  I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed."  Psalm 57:1

I am praying daily for God's goodness, grace, strength, love, and protection for us and for each of you.  May God use this time to draw us closer to Him as we are forced to withdraw from normal daily life.  One friend of mine described it as God giving us a "time out."  May we make the most of it in rest, in time with our families, and in time with Him.

I decided to look at some of my notes of things I've learned through the years in facing times of fear.  It was helpful.  But the main thing I saw is that all the things I've faced before seem so "small" in comparison to this current scenario.  Granted, none of them seemed small at the time!

• having my daughter in Afghanistan and almost losing her to an amoeba when she was a few months old

• raising a toddler on our house boat "The Ark" in Amsterdam, always fearing she would fall into the canal

• raising our 2 children in the infamous red light distinct in Amsterdam

• Floyd's life being threatened on a number of occasions in Afghanistan and Amsterdam because of the work we were doing

• caring for my daughter for over 6 years when she was ill with a debilitating illness

• facing cancer repeatedly the last few years

• Floyd's sudden illness and the loss of my life with him

The list goes on and on.  I've had lots of occasions to learn how to deal with fear and anxiety.  God has always been faithful!  He has lovingly, gently - but strongly, gotten me through each situation I've faced.

As I've been thinking about this, some things have come through clearly to my mind:

• God isn't surprised by all that is happening.  It hasn't caught Him off-guard or flat-footed.

• His abundant, sufficient grace for every need is still there in its full provision.

• He is working in ways we can't see to meet us and answer our prayers.

• He never promised us a life without danger or problems, but He did promise to always be with us.  That is still the case.

• He never leaves us.  He is by our side continually - only a whisper away - holding our hand or even carrying us if needed.

There aren't "easy" answers for this time.  But I realized that there are 3 simple steps that have helped me with the situations I've faced over the years.

1. Admit our fear, our need.  It's not a sign of failure or weakness.  It's okay.  We're human - not superman or superwoman.  God knew we would need His help.  That's why He's given us so many verses of assurance, strength, and help in His word.

2. Identify our fear.  Is it fear of being sick?  Of dying?  Of being alone?  Fear for our family?  Fear of not having money to pay the bills?  When we can identify it, it helps us know what we need to fight against.  Then we can go to God and ask Him to help us with what we're facing.

3. Shine the light of the Spirit on the fear with truth.  Fear lives in the dark and in the mind.  When we shine the light of who God is, the darkness surrounding it disappears.  When we pray about our fears and bring them into the light, the truth of who God is to combat the fear is powerful.  As we pray the verses of God's truth out loud, His Spirit breaks their hold on our mind.

God wants to help us in this tumultuous time.  He is still sovereign.  He is with us all.  He understands what we're going through.  He wants to carry our burdens if we'll give them to Him.  He is strong and powerful to help us.  He can sustain us.   He is with us continually.  And, yes, He can lift the fear from our hearts as we come to Him.

We can bring our fears to Him as often, as many times as we need to.  He doesn't berate us if we struggle with fear.  He just wants us to come to Him so He can help us!

"He who listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of evil."  Proverbs 1:33

"I want you to be free from anxieties."  1 Corinthians 7:32 

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."  1 Peter 5:7

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in You."  Psalm 56:3

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."  2 Timothy 1:7

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."  Psalm 94:19

"I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.' "  Isaiah 41:13

He is the mighty One who will help us navigate this pandemic.  He has not left us for even a second in the midst of it!  He is WITH US! 

He Carries Us All

What a time this is in our world today!  It is truly unprecedented.  The news changes by the minute.  It's impossible to keep up with all that is happening around the world as the pandemic charges from country to country.  It's easy to become overwhelmed if we don't keep our focus continually on the Lord!  I wish I could see all this from His perspective.  The one thing I'm certain of is that He is still in control.  It's not too big for Him!

The President of South Africa has implemented a nationwide lockdown for 21 days, which started last night.  The number of coronavirus cases has been climbing daily, so it seems timely to take this decisive step to try and "flatten the curve".  This decision could well be our saving grace.

With all of this, none of the Care Team are able to go to Floyd at this time.  He is wonderfully cared for by the hospital staff, but I know he will miss the visits of the carers.  We pray even more for angels to keep him company!!

I am a firm believer that God works during hard times to bring good.  I am trusting Him for that in this global pandemic.  I'm praying and I'm watching.  I know God is at work.  I'm asking Him to open my eyes to see His love, mercy, goodness, and miracles being poured out.

The news, and all forms of social media, are clamouring for our attention 24/7.  My phone seems to ding continually.  As I was thinking and praying about this I was reminded of the verses in 1 Kings 19:11,12.

"Then He said, "Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord."  And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice."

There are "winds, earthquakes, and fires" all around us in the swirl of all that is happening.  I was impressed that I need to be listening for the "still small voice."  I don't want to miss what God is saying to me, to us in the midst of all this.

On the personal front, I have had to make the hard decision to cancel any of the Care Team going to Floyd at this time.  He is wonderfully cared for by the hospital staff, but I know he will miss the visits of the carers.  It just seems best to err on the side of caution for the moment.  We pray even more for angels to keep him company!!

I have been meditating and praying Psalm 91 a lot.  It is FULL of promises of God's watch-care over us.

"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

Surely He will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.  He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.  

You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.  A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.  You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you say, "The Lord is my refuge," and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.  For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.  You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

"Because He loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.  He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honour him.  With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation."

I am watching to see Him at work, I am listening for His still small voice, and I am standing on His promises.  He has never failed me, or you.  He is with us continually!

I have already been in isolation for over a week - before the rest of the country joined me in staying home (although they can still go to the grocery store and pharmacy).  I have been house bound a lot over the last 4 years on our unexpected journey, but this is the first time I've been totally alone.  The first few days especially were hard.  I found I had to battle anxiety creeping into my thoughts, my mind.  I wasn't expecting that.  

I'm a very practical person, so I asked the Lord to give me guidelines for surviving this time alone.  It was so clear that for all the "isolation" I've faced, this would be very different.  I recognized immediately that I needed to get my focus off of myself.  Here are some things I felt the Lord put on my heart:

• I need to be praying continually, especially in getting my focus turned outward.

• I need to worship God for who He is in the midst of the uncertain time - standing on His promises.

•  I need to have a heart of gratitude - thanking God for all I DO have, not focusing on what I don't have or what I'm missing.

• In stressful moments, I've found that just speaking out His name - Jesus - relieves the stress.  There is power in the name of Jesus!

• I need to do things to change my focus.  I've found it a bit hard to concentrate on a book, or even a movie - but I've been working on a big puzzle!  The concentration needed for that has been great!  I love puzzles, but I haven't done one in years.

• It's good to get out in the fresh air.  We've had some beautiful sunny days.  Winter is coming soon, so enjoying the sunshine is wonderful.

• I exercise with my "deck walking."  I just read about a man who walked a whole marathon on his deck.  I don't know if I'll manage that, but I do like the exercise.

• I actively look for ways to encourage others.  There are so many facing the same things I'm going through.  As I pray, I find God brings people to my mind.  We have so many "tools" at our disposal with our phones and computers to reach out to people.

I'm convinced that God will use this rather anxious season to grow me/us and make me/us stronger!  He doesn't waste any of these experiences in our lives. 

I was encouraged in my quiet time that God "sees me."  He sees what I'm walking through - what all of us are walking through - in this unprecedented time.  Just as God saw Hagar in the wilderness - He sees us in whatever situation we're in.  "You are the God who sees me," she said.  Genesis 16:13  We are seen by Him!  He is mindful of each of us as we lockdown or shelter in place.  He sees us and is with us to help us.  

Shortly after the lockdown was announced, a friend sent this.  I found it helpful.  

L. O. C. K. D. O. W. N. is a time to:

L - isten to God's voice and reflect.

O - bey His word and teachings.

C - all on Jesus' name and be calm.

K - now what God's purpose is in this.

D - well in His presence.  Don't panic.

O - ffer a prayer for everyone's safety.

W - ait and be patient.  This, too, shall pass.

N - urture our relationship with Him.

"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. For the Lord God is my strength and my song, and He also has become my salvation."  Isaiah 12:2

"Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you."  Isaiah 41:10

"Be still and know that I am God."  Psalm 46:10

"My grace is sufficient for you."  2 Corinthians 12:9

The world has changed drastically in recent weeks, but God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  We can trust Him to get us through this unbelievable time.  

Pray, Pray, Pray!

As you can imagine, I am concerned for Floyd with the COVID-19 situation.  Floyd's condition has been a bit up and down the last few days.  I am in discussion with the hospital as to how best to care for him during this tumultuous time.

I also have a number of family members that have been impacted in various ways by the outbreak.  It's really a surreal, crazy world at the moment.  Truly our only security is in our Rock, the Lord!!  We must take precautions and do all the things they are advising us to do.  But our best "line of defence" is prayer!  If ever there was a time to pray, this is it. 

I have been advised to "isolate" for the time being because of my high vulnerability to the virus, so I won't be going to Floyd for a while.  That's hard for me, but it does seem wise.  

As I lift up my family, especially Floyd, my friends, the All Nations ministry, and my own needs - the Lord has put several guidelines on my heart:

·      Don't become fearful.  Yes, I know that's hard when the whole world seems to be turned upside down!  We're understandably nervous.  But we can't allow our hearts to become fearful.  Fear paralyzes us.

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."  Psalm 23:4

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears."  Psalm 34:4

There are dozens and dozens of scripture verses about fear.  When my heart is feeling fearful, I go to the Word and meditate on these verses of counsel for how to deal with fear. 

·      Keep my eyes, my focus, on the Lord.....not on all the unsettling and scary news.  My heart, my trust has to stay firmly rooted in Him.  I remind myself of how He has carried me through sooo many difficult, hard, uncertain, troubling, frightening times.  He hasn't changed!  He'll be with me now as I keep my gaze on Him.  The world around us may feel like it's falling apart, but God is with us and He will carry us through.  "What consumes your mind controls your life."  We must stay "consumed" with God's faithfulness and goodnes.

"They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord."  Psalm 112:7

"You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You."  Isaiah 26:3

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."  Psalm 46:1-3

·      Pray!  Pray continually, without ceasing.  Lift up our hearts in prayer to Him as we go about our day.  Pray for the virus to be killed off.  Pray for protection for our vulnerable family members and friends.  Pray for peace in people's hearts.  Pray for wisdom, strength, and grace in this uncertain situation.  Pray for comfort for all the disappointments people are facing as plans are changing.  Pray for our children who can become very frightened.  Pray for opportunities to love people, to share the Lord, to comfort hearts.  The list is endless.  Pray, pray, pray!!

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe."  Proverbs 18:10

"The Lord is my strength and my song; He has given me victory.  This is my God, and I will praise Him."  Exodus 15:2 

"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles."  Psalm 34:17

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land."  2 Chronicles 7:14

Louie Giglio says "If we could see what happens when we pray, we would never cease to pray."  

If we refuse to let fear enter into our hearts.....if we keep our hearts focused on trust in our wonderful Lord.......and if we pray - it will help and protect us in this unusual time.  I'm sure there are other important things to do - this isn't a comprehensive list.  But this is what God has put on my heart.

We serve an awesome, powerful, faithful God.  In this present crisis, He hasn't thrown His hands up in despair!  I believe He's at work - and He wants us to participate with Him.

Continuing with how important prayer is, a friend from Calif sent me a wonderful scripture of how prayer (symbolized by the incense) stopped the plague.  Numbers 16:46-48

"Then Moses said to Aaron, "Take your censer and put incense in it, along with burning coals from the altar, and hurry to the assembly to make atonement for them.  Wrath has come out from the Lord; the plague has started."  So Aaron did as Moses said, and ran into the midst of the assembly.  The plague had already started among the people, but Aaron offered the incense and made atonement for them.  He stood between the living and the dead, and the plague was stopped."

Social media is full of things we should do/not do in response to the virus.  Some are helpful - many are not.  But the single most important thing we can do is PRAY!!  A Christian leader called for 3 days of prayer and fasting since Wednesday.  Thousands around the world joined in this time asking God to stop this virus pandemic.  There is power in our combined prayers.  I trust God will answer our prayers to "stop the plague" just as Aaron prayed long ago.

We should also be looking for opportunities to love, help, and serve those around us.  Many are frightened - we can minister peace and comfort to them.  Some lack financial resources to buy supplies they need - we can share in whatever way we can with them.  Some feel lonely and isolated - we can provide a listening ear and an encouraging word.  There are a myriad of ways to love and help others during this time.  Let's have our spiritual "antennae" up in sensitivity to extend God's grace in this challenging time.

It can be as simple as speaking calming words to someone having a panic attack - giving a smile or a loving word to someone who seems distressed - asking someone if you can help if they seem confused - letting someone take an item off a shelf before you - sharing some supplies with a neighbour who doesn't have any - calling someone who is lonely......small, simple acts of love during this uncertain time can have a BIG effect.

May God help us and use us as we face this unprecedented time!

"In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help.  From His temple He heard my voice; my cry came before Him, into His ears."  Psalm 18:6

"We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy."  Daniel 9:18

"Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."  Jeremiah 29:12

"Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God."  Hebrews 13:16 (This verse is often applied to finances.....but "what we have" may be loving words, a prayer, a simple kindness.)

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."  Philippians 2:4 

"My command is this:  Love each other as I have loved you."  John 15:12 

We have been SO loved - and we have so much to give!  I have been worshipping God for His goodness and faithfulness.  I am trusting that, in ways only He can do - He will break into this global situation with good things!

His Unfailing Peace

Floyd is staying mostly okay, but he's had a few rough spots in recent days.  We continue to pray for strength, grace, and peace for him.  I shared some recent reports with him that brought tears of encouragement to his eyes.  I love being able to encourage him that his ministry has produced "fruit that remains."

The recent weeks have been quite intense.  Besides Floyd and me, there are a number of serious situations in our family.  It can feel a bit overwhelming at times.  I find I have to continually give these things to the Lord.  If I don't, it's too much to bear.

I was talking to the Lord about all this when I heard Him speak into my heart to be aware and careful about the trap of self-pity with all the things weighing on my heart.  Self-pity is from the enemy.  It comes from the pit where he lives.  If we fall into it with him, it's very hard to climb back out.  We must be aware, alert, and on guard to avoid this horrible trap.  He will whisper lots of lies to try and lead us astray.  He will especially accuse God to us.  We must expose his lies and stand against them.

I find my protection is in continually expressing my need to the Lord of His help - and continually worshipping Him.  By expressing my need to the Lord, it focuses my attention on Him.  As I look to Him the natural by-product is worship.  There is so much to thank Him and worship Him for.

I sometimes find it helpful to list my needs on paper.  Just getting them out of my mind and onto paper helps!!  And then one by one, I lift the needs to the Lord.  The Bible tells us that we shouldn't be surprised by trouble in our lives.  It "tests" us.  It brings out the things in our lives that need God's loving refining process.  It draws us closer to the Lord as we turn to Him.  It helps us grow so that we can handle future troubles.  It produces strength and stamina in our lives as we allow God to stretch us and teach us.  As we walk through the troubles and grow, great things come.  Great triumphs and victories are born out of great troubles!

And as I look to Him to meet me in my need - worship flows freely because I have fresh understanding and revelation of how great He is!  The wonderful, powerful King of the universe is watching over me - helping me - guiding me - meeting my needs - sustaining me - pouring out His love and care into my life - showing me what path I'm to take - what choices to make.  Oh how awesome and faithful He is!  How can we not continually worship Him?!

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on to you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you."  1 Peter 4:12

"God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation."  James 1:12

"My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,"  declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:8,9

"We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame."  Romans 5:3-5

"Always be joyful.  Always keep on praying.  No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Being on a spiritual path does not prevent you from facing the darkness, but it teaches you how to use the darkness as a tool to grow."  - anonymous

May God help us use each trial, each hard thing, each suffering as an opportunity to draw closer to Him and to worship Him!

I would imagine that you are like me and millions of others around the world in trying to figure out how to respond to the coronavirus outbreak that is rapidly spreading.  Floyd and I are both in the "vulnerable" category because of our age and our lowered immune systems.  I'm doing all I can to be practically cautious and careful, but, most importantly, I'm praying.

Regardless of what happens - what comes our way - we are ultimately in God's hands.  He is sovereign over us.  He is watching out for us.  He is with us.  He holds us in the palm of His hands.

I observe people reacting is a variety of ways - from denial to panic and everything in between.  I've concluded that we need to do what practical things we can, and then rest in His care.  The word that keeps coming to my heart is "peace." 

I am so grateful for the peace that God gives - a peace that "passes understanding."  I couldn't have survived the last few years without His peace.  I can't even count how many uncertain, stressful, overwhelming moments I have faced where I couldn't have made it through if He hadn't washed over me with His precious peace.  There is absolutely nothing that compares to the deep peace that His Spirit brings. 

The peace of the Lord brings a calmness to our spirit.  It brings rest.  It brings understanding.  It instils fresh courage.  It brings comfort.  It helps us be content in the midst of whatever trial and stress we are walking through.  It lifts the heaviness of the moment.  His peace "carries" us.  It brings a deep sense of security.

I remember an experience in the early days of Floyd getting sick.  The doctors had given me such dire reports.  It had been a long, difficult, emotional day.  I was driving home alone in the rain.....and crying my eyes out.  I wasn't sure which was heavier - the rain or my tears.  I was trying to concentrate on the road as I drove over a mountain pass in the heavy rain.  I felt utterly heavy hearted and alone without Floyd by my side.

I can't quite explain it - but suddenly it was like a wave of peace hit me.  It almost felt physical because it was so real.  The tears stopped, and an intense joy filled my soul.  I spontaneously burst out into singing worship and praise to the Lord......I couldn't hold it back.  And as I drove over the mountain and out of the rain - there was a rainbow.  I actually started laughing because it was so dramatic and unexpected.

That experience was a turning point for me.  I've had more "hard" moments......many of them - but from that day onward I have felt carried by a solid foundation of His peace.  When I hit a rough spot, I immediately call out for His peace and it comes rushing in.  I think God wanted to show me clearly on that rainy mountain drive that He would help me and be with me whatever I had to face.  I'll never forget that day.

As I face the events unfolding around me now - and the ongoing trials and uncertainty of our personal situation.......I call out afresh for His wonderful, never failing, unending peace.  He is faithful to wash over me with His Spirit of peace.

"The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:7

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.......and be thankful."  Colossians 3:15

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace...."  Galatians 5:22

"The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace."  Psalm 29:11

" 'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you."  Isaiah 54:10

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands."  Isaiah 55:12

I love the combination of joy and peace in that verse from Isaiah.  It's what I experienced on that rainy day 4 years ago.  He has never failed me.  He has always brought peace in the midst of turmoil to my soul.  How wonderfully, abundantly, incredibly faithful He is!

Remember Kindness

Floyd continues to have "good" days.  His smiles are more frequent - he has enough strength to be a little feisty when he doesn't like some of the treatment - his breathing is good - his chest is relatively clear - and he is at peace.  I consider all these things to be an answer to prayer.  I'm so grateful.

He had another overseas guest - the 2nd one in about 2 weeks.  This is always very special for him.  The new, but familiar, faces seem to bring him joy.......and a pleasant change from the "regular" faces. :) 

I don't know if I've ever lived through a period in my life when it seems like there is so much happening in the world that seems overwhelming.  I don't even want to mention all the things - but the news is filled with disaster, turmoil, destruction, uncertainly, sickness - the list is endless.  Right in our own local area there has been violence, sorrow, and unrest.  It's so heart-breaking.

The news is truly overload!  I've gotten to where I don't want to hear any more.  I want to read a book or see a feel good movie.  The world events on top of our personal events just feels so overpowering.  When these feelings come, I know I need to turn to the Lord.  I take time to speak out each thing that feels so massive.  I give the weight and burden of it to the Lord.  I pray for answers and resolutions to things that only God can solve.

As I do this, the weight begins to lift from my spirit.  I know I can't "carry" these things.  The burden will destroy me if I'm not careful.  I do what I can.  I intercede.  And I keep my focus on the Lord, not on the problems.

With these things on my mind, I woke up this morning to a post someone sent me on kindness......with 354 responses!  It obviously struck a cord.  The message of the post was to take time to be kind - to look for ways to be kind.  The writer gave an example from her own life of an act of kindness that meant the world to her.

But what really blew me away was all the responses!  From tiny, tiny acts of kindness - to HUGE, amazing ones.......people's lives have been impacted and changed by kindness.  I was so blessed just reading of all the thoughtful expressions.  I immediately thought of all the love and kindness I've received on our unexpected journey - from friends, family, and people I've never even met.  My burden has been easier to bear because of all the acts of kindness that have come my way.

So - circling back to all the heavy things going on in the world.  A little kindness goes a long way to making life seem more bearable in the face of so many problems.  The world needs our acts of kindness.  I have a fresh resolve in my heart to find ways to be kind.  Just yesterday I stopped to help (with my arms full of grocery bags) an elderly lady with a walker standing looking puzzled at an escalator.  I asked if I could help.  The smile that lit up her face was a precious treasure.   

And I can't help but think of all the times that God has been "kind" to me in the face of my needs, my weakness, my failures.  He is the ultimate giver of love and kindness, and shows the way for us to express that to those around us.  He is our example of how to be a giver of kindness!  We can be the face of God in being kind.

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control."  Galatians 5:22,23

"Love is patient and kind."  1 Corinthians 13:4

"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."  Ephesians 4:32

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."  Colossians 3:12

"He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"  Micah 6:8

"Thus says the Lord of hosts, 'Render true judgments, show kindness and mercy to one another.' "  Zechariah 7:9 

I'm quite amazed at all the verses about kindness.  I could go on and on in listing them.  The Bible is full of instruction to be kind.....with many examples.  It certainly is what is needed in the world in which we live. 

The post I mentioned above told of a sign on the counter at a coffee shop:  "Remember kindness.  It only takes a moment to make someone else's day a little brighter."  I’m so grateful to everyone who has taken a moment to make my day, my life brighter through kindness to me on this journey!!   

Recently I have had some rough days.  I'm not sure why, but every once in a while the side effects of the treatment I'm on seem to notch up a level and hit me hard.  I'm in the midst of that now.  

In my quiet time this morning I went to Jeremiah 17:5-8.  Someone had sent me these verses a few days ago.  It's a rich passage of dependency on God.  The person encouraged me to wait expectantly to see how God’s grace is going to work on our continuing journey.

"Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord.  That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes.  They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives.  But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."  

I love these verses.  When drought (hard days) come - God will carry me.  He will keep my leaves green in spite of the heat as I stay planted by His living water.  It so encourages me to know that when I'm having a rough day, nothing has changed for God.  His sufficient grace is there.  His faithfulness is strong and secure.  His strength in my weakness is still abundant.  He is still close beside me, holding my hand.  He is still just a whisper away if I need Him.  He has never left me - not even for one second.  I can relax and rest in Him.

I don't know what the day holds.  I have no idea how the coming days will unfold.  And I certainly don't know what is ahead in the months to come.  But I know who is with me - Emmanuel.  I take a deep breath and lean into His everlasting, unfailing arms of support.

Oswald Chambers in "My Utmost for His Highest" writes: “We are gloriously uncertain how He will come in, but certain that He will come in.” 

What a wonderful confidence we have in Him!  

The Gift Of Isolation

Last Sunday, February 23, marked 4 years along on our unexpected journey.  It's an "anniversary" that I never dreamed I'd be experiencing.  On many levels it seems utterly unbelievable.  For me, these 4 years have been a long season of isolation.  I didn't see it coming, and it still feels like a shock at times.  But it's not a season I get upset with the Lord about.  In the midst of the isolation, I have grown to love Him more.  I am closer to Him than I've ever been.  I have seen His goodness and faithfulness on levels that I never knew existed.  And, yes, I have come to a place of gratitude and thankfulness for this season.  He is good - ALWAYS!

As I spent time with Floyd, I prayed with him to thank the Lord for His faithfulness and help these last 4 years.  A friend had sent Floyd a message of him singing worship songs.  When our daughter was sick for a number of years, this friend sat by her bed and played worship songs to her.  It was a sweet memory.  It was perfect for us to listen to his songs now in Floyd's illness, and then spend time thanking the Lord for His goodness.  Floyd cried as our friend expressed love and encouragement to him.  I pray for rest, peace, grace, comfort, and lack of misery for him.

I've had 3 other "anniversaries" over these last years, but my heart was especially tender this year.  Perhaps it's because I'm more weary now.  I have spent a lot of time reflecting, and thanking the Lord for all the ways He's helped me.  There's some grief over what has been lost, but there's more gratitude overall.  I realize that grief and gratitude can co-exist.  We can be grateful for all that we have, all the ways that God has met us - while we also grieve for what we don't have.  They aren't contradictory.

Grief and gratitude can walk hand in hand.  I'm choosing to walk that path, holding tightly to the Lord's hand.

Because my heart was tender, I wondered how I would be on Sunday.  I told the Lord that I wanted to focus on Him even as I reflected back on the last 4 years.  In December I wrote a prayer update on Emmanuel/Immanuel.  "One of my favourite words from this season is "Immanuel."  God with us.  It's such a powerful truth!  We are never, ever alone.  He is always with us - day and night, good days and hard days, through every sweet moment and every sad one.  He is right by our side..” 

I thought back to what I'd written - and then I received an email from a friend in Holland reminding me that Emmanuel is with me!  It was such a perfect affirmation of what I had been talking to the Lord about.  I love how God works to add His exclamation point to things!

The day turned out to be very sweet and precious.  I sensed the Lord carrying me through the day - not denying the tenderness of the day, but just comforting me that He was right by my side.  It will actually be a precious memory that I carry into the future with me!!

I don't know what's ahead, but I have a sense that the journey isn't complete yet.  I have no idea what that means, but that "sensing" helps me know how to pray.  I certainly pray for continued grace and strength to persevere!  

Whatever is ahead, I know Emmanuel is with me!

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go."  Genesis 28:15 

"My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."  Exodus 33:14

"Be strong and courageous!.....For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you.  He will neither fail you nor abandon you."  Deuteronomy 31:6

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me."  Psalm 23:4 

The richness of God's word is such a sweet balm to my soul - whatever I'm facing each day.  I'm so grateful that He has spoken to each and every need we face.  What a good God He is!  And He is always, always with us!

There has been a discussion recently among some of our workers about the feeling of isolation.  Sometimes we feel alone, unappreciated, unneeded, even unwanted.  This feeling is a tactic the enemy uses against all of us at one time or another.  One of his best schemes is to "separate" us and make us feel alone.  He loves to whisper in our ears that nobody cares, nobody sees all our work and efforts, nobody is aware of the burdens we bear......we don't really matter.  The quicker we expose the lies of the enemy, the better.  We can't let him divide us or isolate us in any way.  We must stay together - loving and affirming one another.

I have, however, come to understand another side to isolation.  Sometimes isolation can be allowed by the Lord because of what He is wanting to do in our lives.  The trial we are walking through, the suffering we are experiencing, the desert place we are in - it may mean some isolation on our part.  God often isolates us before He moves us on into what He has for us.  In many ways and on many levels, I have been in "isolation" on our unexpected journey.

Thankfully I have loving friends around me.  I have a supportive family.  I have friends, loved ones, and even total strangers lifting me up in prayer.  I'm not alone - but I am in isolation.  That may not even make sense to you.  It's rather hard to explain, but it's very real and it's been a big part of what I'm walking through.

When we hear of someone being put in isolation, it seems like a bad thing - a negative thing - a punishment even as they sometimes do in prison.  But I have come to understand and see the isolation as a good thing - a positive thing - even a reflection of love.  It's been hard at times, especially when I feel I'm missing out on things, or that life is rushing by without me - but I've tried to look at all the good things that have been brought into my life on this journey.   

My life had already been greatly impacted by having cancer, but it looked like I might have turned a corner on that.  Then it came to a screeching halt when Floyd became so suddenly and severely ill.  From one day to the next he became bed-ridden and silent.  It was so shocking.  And then my cancer returned - repeatedly.  I call it a roller coaster ride, but, actually, that barely begins to describe it.

All of this definitely put me in a season of massive isolation!  From day 1 of this journey I have purposed in my heart to keep my eyes on the Lord - to allow Him to guide me along.  He has been so faithful!  To say the journey has not been easy is a massive understatement, but God has walked continuously beside me!  

I have experienced an intimacy with Him that I didn't realize existed.  I have "felt" His  presence with me minute by minute.  I have walked in a level of grace that I had only read about in books before this journey.  I have had supernatural strength on days when I had none of my own.  I have seen God meet my every need.  My situation has caused me to be alone much of the time, but I've not been lonely as I've felt His comfort and support.  He has counselled me and given me wisdom for the many decisions I've had to make.  He has helped me keep going on days when it felt like "too much."  I could go on and on.  He has been with me in every need!

The "isolation" has been very, very real......but His faithfulness has been even more real.  Whether God purposed this time, allowed it, or is simply bringing good from a bad time......I don't know.  I don't have to know.  What I do know is that the time of isolation has been a gift.  It has been the richest season of my life in my walk with Him.  I can do nothing but thank Him for it.

"After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone."  Matthew 14:23

"But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray."  Luke 5:16

"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed."  Mark 1:35

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory."  2 Corinthians 4:17

"Where can I go from your Spirit?  Or where can I flee from your presence?  If I ascend into heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, you are there.  If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me."  Psalm 139:7-10

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."  James 4:8

"As I was with Moses, so I will be with you.  I will not leave you nor forsake you.  Be strong and of good courage."  Joshua 1:5,6

I've found it encouraging to see that Jesus Himself needed times alone to be with the Father.  He withdrew.  He needed the quiet and isolation to prepare Himself for what the Father had for Him. 

I have no idea what is still ahead, but I'm comforted to know that He is with me.

Our Tears Are Precious To God

I was thinking recently that one of the things I miss on our unexpected journey is Floyd giving me gifts.  He's always been a sweet gift giver.  Just recently out of the blue I received a love gift from someone.  It was a sweet, special gift of some lovely items.  It touched my heart so deeply!  It reminded me that I am loved.  

The Lord has been speaking to me too and giving me precious reminders of the fact that He loves me.  He sings over me.  He rejoices over me.  His love is for now and for all eternity.  He sees me.  He cares about what I am walking through.  He is right with me.

The thing ringing in my heart is to remind each one reading this that GOD LOVES YOU!  You are precious to Him.  You're not just one of the billions on planet earth.  You are unique - His special creation.  He loves you for you.  He loves you as a single, individual person.  He loves you for who you are.  He doesn't condemn you for what you're not.  We are all learning and growing - but He loves you right now, today for who you are.  You are His daughter, His son - His treasure.

May I encourage you to let the truth of this fill your heart, mind, and spirit?  Receive the powerful truth of it!  And then tell someone else how much they are loved!

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called the children of God!  And this is what we are!"  1 John 3:1

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."  Matthew 10:29-31

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?"  Matthew 6:26

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him....The father said to his servants, 'Quick!  Bring the best robe and put it on him.  Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.  Bring the fattened calf and kill it.  Let's have a feast and celebrate.  For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "  Luke 15:20b, 22-24

God loves us in every season, every situation in our lives.  He loves us in our successes, our victories, our triumphs - and He loves us in our pain, our need, our hard times.  And on this journey I have learned at a deeper level that He loves me in my tears.

In the beginning of our unexpected journey, I cried quite frequently.  There were so many shocks.  There was such sudden, unexpected loss.  As the tears flowed, rather than it being upsetting - it helped me get equilibrium. 

As time has passed, I find that the tears come less often.  But they still come - usually during a stressful time or times when I'm weak and weary.  I've learned to let them flow.  They often seem like a pressure release valve - letting the "steam" off so that I can handle the pressure.

I think I have a new awareness that God understands my tears.  Tears are okay - they are a gift.  And it's not a male/female thing.  It's not a sign of weakness.  Jesus wept over the death of His friend Lazarus and over the city of Jerusalem.  The Bible says He was "acquainted with grief."  He understood tears.  Peter wept when he denied Jesus three times.  Jeremiah the prophet wept.  David wept in the Psalms.  Job wept in his suffering.

I've always appreciated that Floyd wasn't embarrassed by his tears.  There have been times when he's cried with me when I've gone through a tender time.  His father was a man who cried.  

When they come, I let the tears flow.  I believe God weeps with us, and gently holds our hand to comfort us in our sorrow - whatever it may be.  He "hears" our tears, and is with us in the valley of our sorrows.  He collects our tears as something precious, and makes note of each one.  He has given us the ability to cry and have tears because He knows how much we'll need them during our trials and sufferings.  I hate to think of how bottled up things would be inside of us if we didn't have the release of tears.

"You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book."  Psalm 56:8

"Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!"  Psalm 126:5

"When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in His spirit and greatly troubled."  John 11:33

"Jesus wept."  John 11:35

"And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times."  And he went out and wept bitterly."  Matthew 26:75

"As He came closer to Jerusalem and saw the city ahead, He began to weep."  Luke 19:41

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."  Revelation 21:4

There was a time in my life when I was very insecure and self-conscious of my tears.  Now I've come to understand them as the gift that they are.  I just let them flow.  I'm thankful for the release they bring, and I'm grateful that God understands my tears.

Character Grows Like An Oak

Floyd is continuing to have some "good" days.  I'm so grateful, and don't take it for granted.  I think it's an answer to prayer.  He seems a bit more tired than usual, but he remains at peace.   I pray for more good days and for the comfort of the Holy Spirit.  

We have been treated recently to a special natural phenomenon.  We’ve had thousands of lovely white butterflies swarming around.  They are on their annual migration from the west coast of South Africa to Madagascar.  

They are delicate looking, all white, smallish, fluttering creatures.  I’ve been mesmerized by their loveliness.  As I’ve watched them out my window, I couldn’t help but think of the angels all around us that we can’t see.  I’ve never seen one, although I know many people have.  

However the Word tells us they are there – watching over us, caring for us, protecting us.  I have “sensed” them at times.  I have thanked the Lord for them without seeing them.  I know I need their watch-care, so I depend on them.  Just recently our security alarm system has been acting up.  When I go to bed at night, I ask God to give extra angels to watch over me. 

There have been times when I’ve known I’ve been protected from something even though I didn’t fully understand the details.  There have also been “close calls” when I knew angels were protecting me. 

I’ve often prayed for angels to keep Floyd company.  He spends a lot of time alone.  I’ve asked God to give angels to be with him – and to let him see those angels.  There have been times with Floyd when he looks over my head or behind me, sometimes he smiles.  I can’t help but wonder if he’s seeing those angels.

The thing that has settled in my heart as I’ve been thinking about all this because of seeing the “swarms” of butterflies – is that I’m first of all so grateful for the angels that watch over us, and that I also need to ask God to keep those angels on duty.  I need them!  Floyd needs them!  Our family needs them!  You need them!  We need to pray for 24/7 “swarms” of angels to be with us.  And maybe we’ll even see one someday. :)

"He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways."  Psalm 91:11

"I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared."  Exodus 23:20

"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them."  Psalm 34:7

A friend asked me some questions recently about leadership.  I was going through my files to look at some of my notes, and came across something that spoke to my heart.  It's about Character vs Reputation.  It was from some sermon notes from Floyd's father.  I thought I would share it with you.

• Character is the one thing we develop in this world and take with us into the next.

• Character is what you really are; reputation is what people say you are supposed to be.

• Character is the face; reputation is the photograph.

• Character grows from within; reputation grows from without.

• Reputation is what you have when you move to a new community.  Character is what you have when you leave.

• Character is built over a life-time.  Reputation can be made in a moment. 

• Character grows like an oak; reputation grows like a mushroom.

• A single news report can give you a reputation.  A life of diligence gives you character.

• Reputation is what men will say about you on your tombstone.  Character is what the angels will say about you before the throne of God.

My father-in-law was a wonderful man of character.  I was privileged to learn from him and glean from his walk with the Lord.  This list reads like a summary of his life.  I've been reflecting on it for a few days.

The thought that keeps coming to me is that character is developed primarily in the hard seasons of life, the trials.  To some degree it might be developed in the "smooth" seasons - but primarily the growth comes when things are tough and we have to wrestle with our choices and responses to the hard things.

I don't like trails!  I'm not a masochist.  I've sometimes complained to the Lord about the trials I've walked through.  A number of years ago our daughter was very ill for 6 1/2 years.  We were caring for her 24/7.  It was a hard season.  In the midst of that, there was another big trial that came our way.  I can remember standing in our cabin where we lived in Colorado and saying to Floyd "this isn't fair!  Doesn't God understand how hard it is already?  Why is He giving us more?"

Floyd was also struggling with the heavy load, but I remember Him looking at me and saying "this is where we have to keep our eyes on the Lord and trust Him.  He'll give us the grace and strength to make it through."  And He was right!  It was sooooo hard, but God helped us.  We learned so much, we grew in our walk with Him, we survived!!! - and there came a day when our daughter was healed.

I look back to that season and can see so many things that God taught us.  Things that became part of our character!!  As I’ve reflected back over a number of hard times, trials in my/our life, I can see in each one how God was shaping and forming my character.  In fact - without those times of shaping and building into my life......I'm not sure I could survive what I'm walking through now.  The character building in each trial I've walked through has become part of who I am today.  I read a quote in a book that emphasizes this.  "The choices we make in the place of trial today are greatly the fruit of choices we have made in our yesterdays."  SO, SO true!

I don't know what's ahead, but I do know that I want my choices on this unexpected journey to be ones that will impact my character. 

"We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame."  Romans 5:3-5

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  James 1:2-4

"May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you."  Psalm 25:21

We live in an "instant" world where people want things to happen right now!  But walking in God's ways, allowing Him to develop character in our lives takes time - lots of time.  And it may not be easy.  But it is so worth it! 

God Shines Through The Mist

Floyd had lots of smiles for me this week, but the best thing was that he was so peaceful.  No distress at all.  The previous week he was so very miserable.  I played some encouraging testimonies for him, and then prayed with him - thanking the Lord for His goodness to us.

I’m so grateful for the prayers of many around the world, and the Lord’s answers… I have had an encouraging appointment with my doctor this week for my kidney.  After having been advised that I would probably need surgery, I'm so relieved that that is not the case!

When going through a trial or a time of suffering, it's very normal to have "good" days and to have "hard/not-so-good" days.  I think we expect it to be one or the other, but it's usually a combination of the two......and it shouldn't be a surprise to us that that's the case.

I'd love it to be all good days - or at least fairly good days.  When I have a good day, I want it to last and keep going.  I don't want the hard days to return.  At the very least, I wish I could plan for when they will each come.  But they are utterly unpredictable.  There's often no rhyme or reason to the one or the other.

The important thing to remember - the thing that helps me keep my equilibrium through the swinging back and forth - is that God doesn't change even though my days do.  He is solid, steady, safe, secure, unchanging, unmoving, always there, firm, and always available.  He is my anchor.  He is my sure foundation.  He is my Rock.

On the long unexpected journey I've been on, I've learned to recognize some of the "triggers" (both physically and emotionally) for the good days and hard days.  Especially when there is something that precedes a hard time, I can sometimes "catch" myself and run to the Lord to pre-empt the hard day.  But that's not always the case.

When a hard day comes, it's important to remind myself that it won't last forever.  Day and night both come around regularly - neither are permanent.  When the hard times, the dark nights, come I reach out for the light of the Spirit to drive away the shadows.  I proclaim the truths of who God is in the midst of the moonless night.  I worship Him for His goodness and faithfulness - even if I'm not feeling it at the moment.  My efforts at doing this - often feeble and weak - begin to get things back in perspective and help turn things around.

It's equally important on the good days to worship Him for who He is.  I don't take the good days for granted.  I express my gratitude.  I let my soul feast on the good things so that I'm filled up and ready for the hard things when they come back my way.  It's like reaping the harvest so that we're ready if famine comes.

Without His steadying hand it would be hard to walk through the yo-yo of good and hard days.  But He is by my side, and He keeps me firmly secure.

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe."  Proverbs 18:10

"Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken."  Psalm 55:22

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice."  1 Peter 4:12,13

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:9,10

I THANK Him on the good days - and I TRUST Him on the hard days.  He is faithful and unchanging on ALL my days!

We've had some unusual weather recently.  We've had thick mist all around us.  At times it's been so dense that we could only see a few feet in front of us.  Even the street right in front of our house had disappeared.  It felt like the world around us had evaporated,  and we were stranded on an island surrounded by this heavy, rolling mist.

As I sat looking at the waves of mist rushing by outside my window, I could suddenly see parallels to my life.  There are so many things in my life that seem shrouded in mist.  I don't know what the future holds.  I sometimes don't even understand what the day in front of me holds.  I don't know if God will heal Floyd or take him to heaven.  I don't know if I'm going to win the battle over my persistent, recurring cancer.  I don't know what will happen in regard to things that several family members are facing.  There is a lot of "mist" in my life.  When I look at all the things I'm facing, the mist seems so thick.  I sometimes feel encapsulated by it.

But there's an interesting thing about these misty days.  At some point the sun breaks through and sends the mist fleeing away.  It often happens mid-morning.......but some days not until the afternoon.  There have even been days when it's lingered the whole day.  But - at some point - the mist does disappear!

As I observed all this, thought about it, I could sense the sweet voice of the Spirit speaking into my heart that the "mist" in my life won't last forever.  He will send the sun of His Spirit to chase it away.  I don't know when that will happen - it could be soon or it could be weeks/months, even years, away.  But the "mist" isn't permanent.

As this revelation and understanding flooded my heart, I could feel the Lord ministering it to my soul.  He's in control.  It brought a sense of comfort, release, and relief to my heart.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?"  Psalm 27:1

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."  Psalm 46:1

"The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing."  Zephaniah 3:17

"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined."  Isaiah 9:2

Whatever mist we are facing in our lives, God will break through with rays of sunshine to help us, direct us, and chase the mist away.  He is always with us!  He is so faithful.

Our Big God

This week Floyd has had days of smiles where everyone who has been with him has gotten at least one smile - some more than one.  Then he has had some really bad days.  The dreaded roller coaster keeps going.  

When we're in the midst of the problems and the needs we have, they can often seem HUGE.  They may look like a mountain in front of us as we deal with them daily.  If we're not careful, the enemy can distract us to so focus on them that they overtake our vision.  

When that happens, it's easy for us to see our needs as huge and see God as small.  We may not feel His presence - or understand how He is working on our behalf.

I think this is one of the sneakiest ways that the enemy works.  He wants to undermine our confidence in God's power, His might, and His faithful love and concern for us.  He'll use any way he can to make God look small and distant.  He'll whisper in our ear that God doesn't care - that He has forgotten about us - that we are not worthy/deserving of His attention.  He has a thousand lies that he loves to use against us. 

If this happens, it's so important to speak out truth.  God does care!  He hasn't forgotten about us!  We may not be worthy in our own right, but God deems us worthy through the shed blood of the Lamb - and we definitely have His loving, caring attention!!  For each and every lie, we MUST counter it with statements and prayers of truth.  We cannot let any lie "hang" there - or the enemy will use it to gain a foothold in our souls.

The battle in our minds over these lies versus the truth of who God is is one of the biggest battles we face during hard times.  The enemy loves to "play" on our weakness and vulnerability as we go through trials and sufferings.  If he presented us with a huge billboard with lies on it about God - we'd see right through it.  Instead, he comes in small, subtle, clever half truths and mistruths that eat away at our faith and trust.  We must daily, constantly be on guard against his tactics.

At the beginning of the year, I wrote about trust.  I am being continually reminded of how important it is to trust God regardless of circumstances.  I have to daily (sometimes even hourly if I need to) declare my trust in God's goodness and faithfulness.  I believe it's my weapon for battle against whatever the enemy throws at me.

And you know what, the enemy never gives up!  When we expose one of his lies, he just starts working on the next one.  We have to stay vigilant and on guard.  We have to renew and affirm our trust in God continually.  We have to take control of our thought life and not give any opening for the enemy.  And we have to remind ourselves how very much God loves us!

"Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light."  2 Corinthians 11:14

"Put on the full armour of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil."  Ephesians 6:11

"The Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one."  2 Thessalonians 3:3

"Be sober-minded; be watchful.  Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour."  1 Peter 5:8

"Submit yourselves to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."  James 4:7

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you."  Isaiah 43:2

Someone sent me the wonderful photo above that illustrates the truth of how BIG God is in our lives.  Our "Aslan" is wonderful and powerful and keenly aware of us.  We are definitely not forgotten by Him!

The Lord keeps bringing me back to the word TRUST.  I think it's to be my "theme for the year."  I've been reflecting on the challenges to our trust.  It's easy to trust when things are going well......but the rubber really meets the road when hard things come our way. 

When that happens - it's amazing how easily and quickly resentment and anger can enter in if we're not careful.  We don't deserve this!  Aren't we faithfully serving the Lord?  Why would He allow this to happen?  Am I being punished?  A small seed of rebellion can enter into our hearts without us realizing it unless we are on guard.  

Maybe that's what happened to the children of Israel in the desert.  They were rejoicing that God had rescued them from Pharaoh in Egypt.  They had seen amazing miracles that had enabled them to be released from Pharaoh's iron-clad grip.  But soon the hard days in the wilderness wore on them - even though they had daily manna to feed them, a pillar of cloud to guide them during the day, and a pillar of fire to give them light at night!!  

They got tired of manna.  Life in the desert wasn't very pleasant.  It wasn't what they expected.  They started grumbling.  They even began to think that things were better under the brutal slavery of Pharaoh.  A seed of rebellion began to destroy their hearts.  They eventually turned to golden idols.  And it all started with a lack of trust in their hearts towards God and what He was doing and allowing in their lives.

In a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago, my friend mentioned how the children of Israel "grieved the Lord in the desert/wilderness."  The phrase pierced my heart!  I haven't been able to get it off my mind.  It keeps coming back to me again and again.

I've been in a desert/wilderness for a long time now on our unexpected journey.  I've had a type of "manna" each day as I've sensed the Lord's goodness and presence with me.  He has definitely led me day by day - and been with me with the light of His Spirit on the dark, hard nights.  I certainly don't want to grieve the Lord in the midst of this journey!!  Thinking of this has sharpened my awareness, my spiritual sensitivity to be careful.  I want to make sure I'm responding right to the trials I'm walking through.  God has been so very faithful to me.  I would hate to grieve His heart.

There will always be some desert and wilderness times in our life as long as we live on this earth.  I think we must purpose in our hearts before they come that we don't want to grieve the Lord......that we will trust Him completely.  If we have that sure foundation and commitment in place, it will help us when the hard times come.

"How often they rebelled against him in the wilderness and grieved him in the desert."  Psalm 78:40

"The Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart."  Genesis 6:6

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."  James 4:8

"The Lord is near to all who call upon Him."  Psalm 145:18 

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."  1 Peter 5:6,7

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows that we are formed, He remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:13,14

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."  Isaiah 26:3

The trials don't seem to stop in my life on this unexpected journey.  Just when I think there's a break and things will be less intense - something new comes along.  I am facing stresses and battles from several directions right now.  I know I can't make it without His help - and I am purposing in my heart to be careful, to be on guard as I don't want to grieve the Lord in this desert/wilderness time.  

Kind Words Are Good Medicine

Floyd continues in the up and down cycle of good and not-so-good days.  I'm sure this is hard for him both physically and emotionally.  

I've thought about how we often wait until a person passes away to express our love and appreciation of them.  It's sad - because the person doesn't get to hear our words of gratitude.  It's certainly helpful to the family and gives them strength, but it's a shame the individual doesn't get to hear the encouragement.

Because of our long unexpected journey, our situation has been different.  Many of the dear ones whose lives we have touched and connected with over our 52 years of married life have sent messages of warmth, love, and appreciation.  I have shared them with Floyd.   It has been a sweet affirmation to both of us that the small seeds we have planted over the years have produced life and fruit.  I am so grateful to each person who has shared with us.  It has been a lovely encouragement. 

Some sweet friends who visited this past weekend put so much thought and effort into things they brought with them to express their love and appreciation.  I was so blessed - and Floyd was too.  He listened attentively to everything they shared.  Proverbs 15:4 (CEV) tells us that "kind words are good medicine."  We received some good medicine last weekend!  

"Kind words are like honey - sweet to the soul and healthy for the body."  Proverbs 16:24

"A person's words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook."  Proverbs 18:4

"Words satisfy the soul as food satisfies the stomach."  Proverbs 18:20

The results from my tests last week have come back and are cautiously optimistic.  They're not as good as I would have liked, but it looks like the treatment I'm on is moving things in the right direction!  I will continue with the treatment, and be tested again in 4 months.  

The treatment has side effects.....one of which is that my sleep is being impacted.  So we continue to pray for my healing and my strength.  

In the past weeks I’ve written about choosing not to fear - and pursuing peace.  As I've continued to reflect on this I've come to the understanding that peace and joy are gifts from the Father's heart that we must continually receive.  Circumstances come our way that rob us of both.  It can almost feel like being "mugged" of something precious.  Our treasure, our sense of peace and security......our well of joy, is stolen from us by events that we walk through.  We can easily be left feeling barren and empty.

In recent days I've had a number of things come my way that have impacted me in this way.  The result has been that I've been left feeling "exposed," and rather barren.  Thankfully that hasn't lasted long!  I've known I needed to go immediately to the Lord and ask Him to restore my peace and my joy.  He has faithfully, wonderfully done that each time.  In my need, He has been more than sufficient.

But it has been important to recognize my need, and ask Him for a fresh release of His deep peace and His abundant joy.  I can't just assume that what has been robbed will be restored.  I need to come before the Lord with open hands and open heart asking for Him to freely give those gifts to me again.  He's always waiting to fill my heart and mind afresh.

"Let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.  There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."  Hebrews 4:16

"The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace."  Psalm 29:11 

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace."  Isaiah 55:12 

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."  Psalm 94:19

I think sometimes I try to "protect" my heart from being impacted in such a way that my peace and my joy are robbed.  It's been so encouraging to see that when that happens - it's okay.  God is lovingly waiting to restore what the enemy has robbed.  He freely, graciously does that.

Probably like many of you, I've been reading the news reports about the drama in the royal family in England.  I'm so grateful that the details of our family life aren't splattered over the news!  What a stressful way to live.  It's been intriguing to watch the events unfold - and also thought provoking.

As I was reading yet another news update, a lightening bolt thought hit my heart.  In my heavenly royal family, I am never either in or out!  I am always IN.  I don't have to do things or perform - I am loved and accepted as I am.  I'm not judged by my works.  I'm not better or worse according to what I can or can't do.  What a wonderful assurance.

As the months go by, I often berate myself because I can't "do it all."  But God never ever puts that condemnation on me.  Just the opposite in fact.  He continually ministers His grace and encouragement to my heart - not on works, but on His love and acceptance of me as His daughter.  My royal status remains intact and secure.

I was reminded by a friend that "we see bones, but God sees an army."  Ezekiel 37:1-14.  Floyd wrote a book on this.  We see our need, our weakness, our failure, our dry bones......but God breathes life into our weakness and brings success because of who HE is.  It's not dependent on us.

I find such comfort in this - especially on my weak and weary days.  He is strong when I'm weak.  He is the "way-maker."  He is always at work in and through us.  And He loves and accepts me just as I am.

Thank you Lord!!  I will serve Him with all my might on my strong days, and I will serve Him to the best of my ability on my weak days.  He receives it all as my worship to Him.

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer."  Psalm 19:14

"For God does not show favouritism."  Romans 2:11

"You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light."  1 Peter 2:9

"You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God."  Isaiah 62:3

God loves us, accepts us - not on our performance, not as something we've earned, not because we are deserving.......but because He chooses us as His own royal family.  I'm so grateful to be His daughter.

Best Friends

A long time friend who worked with us in Holland visited this past week.  We had a lovely visit together, and then we went to see Floyd.  He was so attentive to everything she shared.  He seemed to just soak in all the news and testimonies that she told him.  It was very sweet, very tender.  Both of us thanked and affirmed him for his ministry those many years ago in Holland that is still bearing fruit, and we prayed together for him.

Some have asked what the prognosis is for Floyd as we enter this new year.  Basically, there isn't one.  The doctors never thought Floyd would live this long.  They have no idea what will or will not happen going forward.  More than ever before, Floyd is in God's wonderful, sovereign hands......which is a good place to be.

Sometimes I feel like I could easily get whiplash just from my daily life!  I don't even need a car accident!  I'm "hit" one way - and then life swings and I'm "hit" another way.  The different impacts can be quite jarring.  When circumstances come our way, problems, needs.....even good things - we can be swung in different directions.  Our emotions can range from joy to sadness, from happiness to depression, from relief to despair.  It can happen in a week, in a day, even in an hour!  On the unexpected journey that I've been on, I find that I often have several of these whiplash moments in just one day.  They come a lot more frequently than I want!  Emotional whiplash is very possible in our everyday lives.

I've found that my only protection from this, the only "treatment" that I know to apply, is to constantly turn my focus back to the Lord.  If it's joy I'm impacted with - I worship.  If it's sadness I'm impacted with - I take my sorrow to the cross.  Whatever feeling and emotion I'm being bombarded with because of the circumstances I'm faced with - I have found that I need to immediately turn it to the Lord - or else it can easily spin out of control.  The "whiplash" of emotions can control me and throw me off balance if I don't bring them into the Lord's grace and presence.

The fast changing impact of world events can bring whiplash too.  Something happens - and within minutes it is transmitted around the world and we know about it.  There are frequently several "big" events happening each day.  I think it's easy to underestimate how much these impact us - how they can bring "whiplash" into our lives.

The Word tells us that God is always with us - holding our hand, never leaving us or forsaking us, staying as close as a whisper away. When we are swung in different directions, He is there to steady us and help us stay firmly close to Him.  If we feel distant from Him, we can know for certain that He hasn't moved!  We need to quickly turn back to Him if we feel any distance.

As long as we live on this earth, we will face whiplash moments.  I've had an unusually large amount of them in recent years, but all of us face them.  Our wonderful heavenly Father knew that would happen and already provided instruction, comfort, and promises in the Word. 

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go."  Genesis 28:15 

"Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."  Nehemiah 8:10

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"  Romans 8:31

"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and rescues them from all their troubles."  Psalm 34:17

Sometimes my heart gets sore from all the whiplash moments in the day.....but as I turn to Him, He pours His soothing, healing, loving balm into each one.  As ALWAYS, He is so faithful!

This week I had a big medical test.  Depending on the results, I may need more tests.  I don't know if I'll ever get "used to" facing these big tests on the cancer journey.  Every time I have one, I find myself facing insecurity and feeling very vulnerable.  I always have to actively pursue God's peace - to choose not to fear.  It's not the test - it's the results that weigh heavily.  I have to battle my mind going to all the "what ifs" of the future.  I, like Floyd, am also in God's wonderful, sovereign hands.

I was listening to a song that a friend sent me.  "God is the waymaker, the miracle worker - He's at work even when we don't see it or feel it."

I found that very profound and reassuring.  I have such a limited perspective of what God is doing.  I know that I know that I know that He is at work......but I only see and understand snippets of what He is doing.  This is why it's so important for me to choose not to fear and to pursue His peace......while He's at work on my behalf.

As I wait for my test results..... I TRUST in Him.  I love these verses from Psalm 23:1-6 in The Passion Translation:

"The Lord is my best friend and my shepherd.  I always have more than enough.

He offers a resting place for me in His luxurious love.  His tracks take me to an oasis of peace, the quiet brook of bliss. 

That's where He restores and revives my life.  He opens before me pathways to God's pleasure and leads me along in His footsteps of righteousness so that I can bring honor to His name.

Lord, even when your path takes me through the valley of deepest darkness, fear will never conquer me, for you already have!  You remain close to me and lead me through it all the way.  Your authority is my strength and my peace.  The comfort of your love takes away my fear.  I'll never be lonely, for you are near.

You become my delicious feast even when my enemies dare to fight.  You anoint me with the fragrance of you Holy Spirit;  you give me all I can drink of you until my heart overflows.

So why would I fear the future?  For your goodness and love pursue me all the days of my life.  Then afterward, when my life is through, I'll return to your glorious presence to be forever with you!"

Every verse ministers deeply to my heart in my current situation!  I choose not to fear and to rest in His peace.

I Trust You Lord

Floyd continues to have up and down days.  I am so grateful that he was having a "good" day when our grandkids were here.  We keep praying for peace, comfort, and grace for him. 

As we move into a new year, I take comfort in the words from Psalm 73 that He is "always with me."  I am so keenly aware that I can't make it alone - for one day, one minute, one second.  I need Him.  God assures us over and over in the Word that He is with us.  People may let us down.  Situations may not go the way we think, planned or hoped for.  But God is always, always faithful.

There's a song called "He Won't Fail You."  It affirms that God is always with us.  "Through the storm your cries are heard - He will always be who He's always been - You can trust His holy word."

In a day and age when so many things are changing.  Things we thought we could always count on are melting away in front of our eyes.  But God is unchanging.  What He said He'd do, He will do.

The song goes on to say:  "He didn't fail Daniel in the lion's den.  He didn't fail Abraham or Gideon.  He didn't fail Noah on the ocean blue.  No, He didn't fail Jonah, and He won't fail you."  God didn't fail those who have gone before us, and He won't fail us!

There are so many testimonies of God's goodness, mercy, and help.  They remind us that He is with us - that He will never, ever fail us.  He has been with us - He is with us - and He will be with us!  That doesn't mean we'll always get the exact answer we want!  But He WILL meet us and help us.

While my grandkids have been here, we've looked at old photos and I've told them our "stories."  The more stories I told, the more it became clearer and clearer to all of us that God has been with us!  I think we tend to forget all the times He has led us, met us, answered prayer, provided, helped us, and been so amazingly, incredibly good and faithful!  It's been a wonderful exercise of looking back and being grateful.   

It's been fun too!  :)  Many of the stories the grandkids had never heard.  They are returning home with a lot of McClung "history."  It's kinda reminded me of when God told them in the Bible to tell things to their children and their children's children.  I hope the testimonies of God's goodness to our family can be passed on to future generations.

"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me unto glory.  Whom have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Psalm 73:23-26

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me."  Psalm 23:4

Because of His promise - "I am with you." - I have nothing to fear, nothing to worry about as I move into this new year.  He has been with me in the past, and He will be with me in the coming year.  I relax in His secure embrace.  How wonderfully faithful He is.

We're only a few days into the new year, but the Lord has already been speaking something clearly to me for this year.  TRUST.  In a number of ways He has been reminding me of how important it is to trust Him.  I can't live by circumstances!  I must live by a firm, secure trust in Him.  I've tried to do this all along our unexpected journey, but God has been speaking to me afresh about it.

To name just a few, these are things that can undermine trust: 

·      when we don't understand

·      when the "pieces" don't fit

·      when we have more questions than answers

·      when we're sick, tired, weary

·      when we feel overwhelmed by circumstances

·      when things happen that bring pain to our hearts

·      when we allow our mind to go to the "what ifs"

·      when we feel stretched beyond what we can handle 

When I face these things, I have found that I have to "purpose" my heart towards absolute trust in the Lord regardless of any and all situations that come my way.  That trust has to be firm, secure, strong or else I won't be able to hold steady in it when things "hit" me.

I have recently felt bombarded by a number of things.  It has felt like waves crashing over me - winds buffeting me one direction and then another.  The solid rock of trust - because He IS my Rock - has held me firm and secure.

We human beings want answers.  Especially in the day and age in which we live, when we have more and more answers to things in life - we want understanding of the things we face.  We want to know what is happening, what to expect, what our choices are.  But that isn't always possible.  Having understanding/answers won't always happen.  But having trust in the Lord, staying tucked in close to Him, will get us through each and every hard time.

I have a strong belief and conviction that God will bring good from hard times.  But that can't happen if I don't trust Him.  Through my decades of life, that is something that I have repeatedly worked on learning.  I must trust God in every situation.  As I trust Him, it frees Him to work in my life in ways that only He can......and to "redeem" the hard seasons with good things.

I realize that it's easier to talk about trusting Him all the time - than to actually do it.  That's why I used the word "purpose" my heart towards absolute trust in the paragraph above.  It's a choice.  It must be a repeated choice.  It has to be something we work at, something we strive for.  It doesn't just happen.  But it is wonderfully possible.  And trusting Him in the hard times helps make the hard times easier to bear.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5,6

"The Lord is my strength and shield.  I trust Him with all my heart.  He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy."  Psalm 28:7

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God."  Psalm 20:7

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in You."  Psalm 56:3

"Steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord."  Psalm 32:10

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord."  Jeremiah 17:7

On hard days when I'm confronted with weariness, with lack of understanding, with hard things - I simply say "I trust you Lord."  It immediately releases the burdens from my heart and into the Lord's capable hands.  I can then rest secure in His loving care.  He is always good and faithful!

He Sees Us

I had a sweet visit with Floyd this past week.  He gave me a good smile when I told him about our grandkids arriving safely.  I told him some things we had done, and he got very teary.  

I hate the Christmas season coming to a close.  It's been special - and it's been wonderful to "reflect" on different aspects of the Christmas story.  Some have been familiar - others have been new to my thinking.  My heart is full and overflowing.  I look forward to next Dec. when I can begin anew.

One of the things that struck me this year was some of the "hidden" people of both the story of Christ's birth - and also from his life.  Anna who I wrote about was one of them from his birth story.  We don't hear much at all about her - only 3 verses written about her, and yet she was a very special woman of God.

I've thought about how the life of Jesus is marked right from the beginning by His "seeing" people, seeking them out, noticing them, calling out to them.  We aren't hidden from Him.  He sees each and every one of us.

Jesus saw the children that the adults were pushing to the side.  He saw women at the back of the crowd - or ones that society rejected.  He saw the lepers.  He saw the sick who were waiting for a miracle.  He saw the lonely ones.  He saw the ones who were ignored by those around them.  He "saw" the woman who touched the hem of His garment.  He saw the man up in the tree.  He saw the open heart of the man hanging on the cross next to Him.  Jesus always looked to see people.  He understood that each one was precious.  None were hidden from Him.

I take such comfort in this because I know it means He sees me!  In many ways my life is a bit "hidden" right now.  I'm on my own a lot.  It's not a bad thing - I need the peace and quiet to spend time with Him and to recharge my batteries, and to allow my body to heal with the treatment I'm on.  I can't "do" as much as I used to do.  I can't "go" a lot of places because I simply don't have the energy.  I often don't feel I'm accomplishing much - especially in relation to how our life has been so full and busy over all our years.  And yet, I feel so "seen" by the Lord.  I know He is right with me.  I sense His presence with me moment by moment.

And I want to encourage you that He "sees" each one of you in whatever your situation is.  He loves you, He cares for what you're going through, He listens when you pour out your heart to Him, and He is working to help you in what you face.  He is WITH you.  You are not overlooked.

Being seen by Jesus has nothing to do with power or status.  It's not about our accomplishments.  We may even be in the background, but He sees us and loves us for who we are.  In fact He's created us as the kind of person we are or aren't.  We are each uniquely created in His image.

"His eyes are upon the ways of a man, and He sees all his steps."  Job 34:21  

"The ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He watches all his paths."  Proverbs 5:21

"My eyes are on all their ways; they are not hidden from My face."  Jeremiah 16:17

"Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His steadfast love."  Psalm 33:18

Not one single one of us is "hidden" from view from the Lord!  We may think that others are getting more of His attention, but that's not true.  He is working, faithfully working, on behalf of each of us.  He sees us.

It's hard to believe that it’s a new year!  In spite of all the hard things we've walked through, the year seems to have flown by.  You would think it would feel the opposite! 

I never dreamed that our unexpected journey would continue on for so long.  It still seems so unreal.  And yet, here we are facing another new year.  It feels a bit daunting to me.  I have to be very careful not to allow my mind to wonder about all the "what ifs" of the year ahead.  I remind myself that His grace is (and has been) sufficient for each day - not for the months ahead.  God doesn't give His grace to us to be stored up.  He meets our needs one day at a time.

In fact, as I've been thinking about this, I've felt the Lord prompting me to just take it "one step at a time."  I'm a planner, a do-er, I like to be organized.  But there has not been one single thing about this unexpected journey that I could plan.  I have had to face things as they come, and ask God for wisdom and direction in knowing how to deal with them.

It's actually quite encouraging.  I can't face the "mountains" that loom over my future......but one step at a time seems like something I might be able to handle.  Because of my numb feet, I have to be very careful about walking - watching and being aware of each step I take.  I guess it's the same on this journey.  As I daily take each step, I can also be aware of what God is saying.  I can receive His help for each step.  He may even take me on a different path so that some of the things that look so big in my future may even change.

One step at a time, holding His hand, listening to His voice, trusting in His goodness and faithfulness, and keeping my eyes on Him sounds like a good plan for the new year!

"My God is one step ahead of me with His mercy."  Psalm 59:10  The Voice

"As you go, step by step, I will open up the way before you."  Proverbs 4:12  (a literal translation)

"My feet have closely followed His steps; I have kept to His way without turning aside."  Job 23:11

"The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him."  Psalm 37:23

"In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:6 

"Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path."  Psalm 119:105 

I'm grateful that I can keep holding his hand as I walk through the new year.  I can't face the whole year ahead.  Sometimes I don't even think I can face the whole day ahead, but with His help I can face one step at a time.  I know He'll keep me steadily on course for whatever is ahead.  A "blessed New Year" to each one.  We are safe and secure in His hands.