This is a special month for me. It marks 17 years since we moved to South Africa to pioneer yet once again! I have to admit that I was filled with some fear and trepidation to be starting all over at 58 and 61 years of age. It was just the 2 of us, no team yet, and very little financial support. I wondered if we were a little bit crazy - but it's not the first time I've wondered that in our unusual life of ministry. :)
The 17 years have flown by! They've been filled with some miracles, lots of wonderful people, daily provision - and some very hard things too. I often refer to it as a roller coaster. The last 9+ years have been especially challenging with Floyd's illness, my cancer battle, some difficult ministry situations, and Floyd going to be with Jesus after years of suffering. On the other side of the world, several family members have gone through very difficult things.
And yet - as I look back, as I come to the 17 year mark this month......my heart is filled with gratitude at God's goodness. The hard things are still there in my memory, but they are overshadowed in light of God's goodness and faithfulness! He has been so very good to me - day by day - hour by hour! I couldn't have made it without Him.
We had many promises from the Lord in coming here. There were some prophetic words about what God had planned. I've often wondered if the enemy hasn't been trying to destroy what God had ordained. The enemy won't win - all he can do is slow things down a bit. God will be victorious. I still cling to those words and promises!
I've been thinking about an illustration Floyd used in preaching. There are times when God stretches us and has us go "out on a limb" with Him. It can be scary. Things happen and we can feel the limb shaking. We look down and the ground seems further and further away. We're tempted to run back to the safety of the tree instead of being out on that limb. We can see the enemy trying to cut off the limb so we'll fall. But if we stay put, trusting the Lord, and obeying His direction - the Lord will keep us safe and the tree will fall on the enemy!! It was always such a powerful visual image when Floyd spoke that illustration. I can hear his words and see the image afresh!
At heart, I'm not a risk taker. But I am willing to obey the Lord in challenges He brings my way. I'm willing to step out of my comfort zone in obedience. I've felt out on a limb quite a few times in these past 17 years. But I haven't fallen. God has kept me safe on the limb, holding my hand, and taking care of me! Where God has called me, being on that limb is the safest place to be!!
"If the Lord delights in a man's way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand." Psalm 37:23,24
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18,19
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 NIV
"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" 1 Corinthians 15:57
"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8
17 is one of my favorite numbers, so I'm celebrating my 17 years here! It's a miracle on several levels that I'm here. My heart is filled with gratefulness and worship. I am blessed!
Amidst the miracles and gratitude though, it can be hard to find our own individual sense of peace and happiness with so much happening in our world these days. It's so unsettling and grievous.
I read about a young woman who had been crippled with polio from a young age. She said that, in her experience, she had found suffering and pain to be great character builders. The suffering isn't good in itself, but it helps us shift our expectation of happiness from without to searching for it from within.
That has definitely been my experience in the trials of recent years. My sense of peace, my stability, my happiness has come from within - from my personal walk with the Lord. The path of trust and obedience kept me centered and at peace. Time and time again when something new was "thrown" at me, I immediately went to the Lord.
Sometimes it meant offering up a silent prayer while I sat in the doctor's office. Other times it meant sitting with tears pouring down my face as I cried out to the Lord. Often it meant sitting by Floyd's bed and praying "with" him as I spoke out our needs. Many times it meant singing and praying everything out to the Lord as I did my daily walk on my deck. And, of course, I asked for the prayers of others through the updates that I send out weekly. It seems unbelievable now, but for about 18 months I wrote those updates daily - that's how "severe" my need was for the Lord's help. The "outward" circumstances were crushing - but God met me over and over again in my "inner" being. Oh how good and faithful He's been.
Peace, stability, and happiness aren't found by pursuing them. They are found by pursuing an ever-closer-and-closer walk with the Lord. He gives peace and happiness that no person or thing can give.
"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!" Psalm 34:8
"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God." Isaiah 43:1-3
I have walked through some waters, passed through rivers, and been in flames all around me - but God has led me, protected me, and covered me with His peace. In the midst of many, many hard things - my heart has been filled with joy, with happiness even, because of His love and grace. There aren't even enough words to express how thankful I am!
