This past week Floyd has been resting, peaceful, and seems to be deep in thought at times. I hope someday we can find out what's been going on in his mind and heart all these months.
One day the carer with him suggested they pray. Floyd reached out and took his hand, and closed his eyes - all ready! I love his clear, purposeful responses. Some days are better than others.
Another day the carer told him she was going to see me. She asked if Floyd wanted to send his love. He gave her a huge smile. :) My heart was so warmed to hear that!!
On my side I've had a rough week. I’ve had to make two trips to the Emergency Room. On these cold wintery nights that is something I could have done without! I have been very weak, nauseous and in pain. Stuggling to eat. On these difficult days I cry out to the Lord for fresh strength and courage. He has faithfully helped me all these months.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9
I'm trusting Him to be with me in a fresh way in Cape Town!
Sarah Young says that "the longer you wait for your prayers to be answered, the closer you are to a breakthrough." I'm waiting for those breakthroughs!! It seems like we've been praying for a long time. And He is the worker of the impossible.
"Jesus looked at them and said to them, 'With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' " Matthew 19:26
I don't have very many dreams - or, if I do, I very rarely remember them. When I do remember them, there's usually a purpose. And in all the long months of this unexpected journey, I've dreamed about Floyd only a handful of times.
Last week I woke up from a dream that Floyd and I were both in. As I woke up, I remembered the dream in great clarity - and was thinking back through all the details. I started praying, and had a sense I should share it. In some ways, it's a strange dream for this journey - and, in other ways, it's a perfect one.
Floyd and I were both speaking at a conference. The theme was "God's Love and Acceptance." We were each going to share, but before we did that - we all had a project to do, an "application" so to speak. We had white cloth aprons and bright colored permanent marker pens. We were to decorate the aprons with all the ways we had personally experienced God's love and acceptance - then we were going to wear them at the meal afterwards and talk about what we had drawn.
While we were doing this, I began to hear some whispering. I realized that some people were talking about one of the other speakers at the conference. There was something they didn't like about him, and they were saying it was wrong. The whispering spread, increased in volume, and finally about half of the crowd got up and walked out. All this happened while we were expressing our gratitude to God for His love and acceptance with the drawings on our aprons.
I remember feeling shocked and grieved. It felt like such a contradiction to the theme of the conference - and, it turned out, that what they were whispering about was completely untrue. I had such a sense of God's sadness with His people.
A few minutes later, I got up to share. I was still feeling the emotions of what had just happened, and I was nervous. But as I spoke, I felt God poured out His heart to us. Here are the points He gave me to share in that message at the conference in my dream:
- God loves us when we're strong/and when we're weak.
- God loves us when we're right/and when we're wrong.
- God loves us when we're healthy/and when we're sick.
- God loves us when we understand what He's doing/and when we wander around in a fog clueless to what He's up to.
- God loves us when we accomplish things for Him/and when we are stagnant and unfruitful.
- God loves us when we bring joy to His heart/and when He is disappointed in His children.
- God loves us when we are confident in Him/and when we're so insecure that we can hardly make it through the day.
- God loves us when we're courageous/and when we have not an ounce of courage in our hearts - maybe even turning our back on Him.
- God loves us when we joyfully accept His will/and when we complain and whine about what He has us walk through.
- God loves us when we faithfully intercede for the things on His heart/and when we're so tired we don't even whisper a prayer.
- God loves us when we boldly acknowledge Him/and when we silently pass on opportunities to give Him glory.
The bottom line - God loves, loves, loves us and always accepts us even when we fail and disappoint Him. His love is unceasing. It was so clear that He loved all of us in the dream - including the ones who walked out of the meeting in their whispering and slander. He loved them even though they were wrong.
I had such a strong conviction that God wanted to remind me - and all of us - that His love never ends! Thank goodness! Without that, I'd be lost. Whatever "journey" we're on, His love is constantly being poured out to us.
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in Him.' " Lamentations 3:22-24
"Praise the Lord! He is good. God's love never fails." Psalm 136:1
"God loves you more in a moment than anyone could in a lifetime." (anonymous)
I'm grateful for His love!