Grief is a Process

Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends!  Our family always loved Thanksgiving.  There was none of the pressure of all the Christmas things - it was just family and good food.  I miss the yummy Thanksgiving food!  After the nice meal, my Texas family would play American football together in a park.  The McClung family often liked to go to a movie together.  Whatever we did - it was always a fun family day.

I love special days like Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.  But now - these special days bring a bit of sadness too.  I miss Floyd more on these days.  I realize that what brings me sadness and grief does so because it once brought me so much fun and joy.  I'm grateful for all the fun and joy during our 54 years of married life.

Grief is definitely a process.  It hurts a lot of the time - often when I least expect it.  I don't want to feel the grief and pain - but I try and keep it in perspective like I shared above.  It's because of the good that I hurt now.  Grief doesn't pay any mind to time.  It comes when it comes, and I have to navigate my way through it.  I've lost family members and friends before - but it's been a whole new journey in losing my partner, my best friend, my gentle giant.  I continue to learn through the grief.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."  Matthew 5:4

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."  Romans 12:15

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  Psalm 147:3

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Psalm 73:26

I'm so grateful for the Lord's comfort, grace, nearness, and healing of the loss.  He is faithful in every season.

Miracle Working God

A relative was recently in Randers, Denmark where we had a GO Festival in 1985.  Many initiatives and callings came out of that time.  While visiting there people were recalling the "miracle" during the Festival.  Luis Palau was scheduled to speak in an outdoor setting to 9000 people in attendance.  A pouring rain fell over the city - but not over the outdoor stadium.  Someone showed our relative a newspaper clipping from 1985 with a photo of the dry stadium and the rain coming down around it.  I had totally forgotten about this until our relative reminded me.  All these years later, it encouraged me again....and I thanked the Lord for the miracle.  It was such a wonderful testimony!  It increased my faith to pray for new miracles.

I'm learning that grief is an unpredictable thing....and it seemingly never goes away.  It's been over 3 years since Floyd passed away - and it was 5+ years before that when I "lost" him to the sickness that enveloped him.  I've grieved for a long time.  And yet, sometimes grief hits my heart so hard that it seems like it all just happened.

Special days (like his recent birthday), an unexpected memory, a lonely moment, just about anything.....can cause the grief to well up.  I've known Floyd since I was 16 years old.  He's been the love of my life and my best friend.  I still feel like part of me is missing.  I thought I would "get over" grief after a while, but I think it will be with me for a long time - maybe for the rest of my life.

In the midst of these recent tender days, there was a photo of Floyd in an All Nations International newsletter.  I love the photo and the quote.  I've posted it above.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

"Jesus wept."  John 11:35

When Lazarus died, Jesus wept.  He grieved over His friend - before He raised him from the dead.  Jesus understands our grief.  I find that a comfort.  He faced everything we face, and comforts us when we go through life's difficulties.  I'm so grateful for that!