The Gift Of Isolation

Last Sunday, February 23, marked 4 years along on our unexpected journey.  It's an "anniversary" that I never dreamed I'd be experiencing.  On many levels it seems utterly unbelievable.  For me, these 4 years have been a long season of isolation.  I didn't see it coming, and it still feels like a shock at times.  But it's not a season I get upset with the Lord about.  In the midst of the isolation, I have grown to love Him more.  I am closer to Him than I've ever been.  I have seen His goodness and faithfulness on levels that I never knew existed.  And, yes, I have come to a place of gratitude and thankfulness for this season.  He is good - ALWAYS!

As I spent time with Floyd, I prayed with him to thank the Lord for His faithfulness and help these last 4 years.  A friend had sent Floyd a message of him singing worship songs.  When our daughter was sick for a number of years, this friend sat by her bed and played worship songs to her.  It was a sweet memory.  It was perfect for us to listen to his songs now in Floyd's illness, and then spend time thanking the Lord for His goodness.  Floyd cried as our friend expressed love and encouragement to him.  I pray for rest, peace, grace, comfort, and lack of misery for him.

I've had 3 other "anniversaries" over these last years, but my heart was especially tender this year.  Perhaps it's because I'm more weary now.  I have spent a lot of time reflecting, and thanking the Lord for all the ways He's helped me.  There's some grief over what has been lost, but there's more gratitude overall.  I realize that grief and gratitude can co-exist.  We can be grateful for all that we have, all the ways that God has met us - while we also grieve for what we don't have.  They aren't contradictory.

Grief and gratitude can walk hand in hand.  I'm choosing to walk that path, holding tightly to the Lord's hand.

Because my heart was tender, I wondered how I would be on Sunday.  I told the Lord that I wanted to focus on Him even as I reflected back on the last 4 years.  In December I wrote a prayer update on Emmanuel/Immanuel.  "One of my favourite words from this season is "Immanuel."  God with us.  It's such a powerful truth!  We are never, ever alone.  He is always with us - day and night, good days and hard days, through every sweet moment and every sad one.  He is right by our side..” 

I thought back to what I'd written - and then I received an email from a friend in Holland reminding me that Emmanuel is with me!  It was such a perfect affirmation of what I had been talking to the Lord about.  I love how God works to add His exclamation point to things!

The day turned out to be very sweet and precious.  I sensed the Lord carrying me through the day - not denying the tenderness of the day, but just comforting me that He was right by my side.  It will actually be a precious memory that I carry into the future with me!!

I don't know what's ahead, but I have a sense that the journey isn't complete yet.  I have no idea what that means, but that "sensing" helps me know how to pray.  I certainly pray for continued grace and strength to persevere!  

Whatever is ahead, I know Emmanuel is with me!

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go."  Genesis 28:15 

"My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."  Exodus 33:14

"Be strong and courageous!.....For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you.  He will neither fail you nor abandon you."  Deuteronomy 31:6

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me."  Psalm 23:4 

The richness of God's word is such a sweet balm to my soul - whatever I'm facing each day.  I'm so grateful that He has spoken to each and every need we face.  What a good God He is!  And He is always, always with us!

There has been a discussion recently among some of our workers about the feeling of isolation.  Sometimes we feel alone, unappreciated, unneeded, even unwanted.  This feeling is a tactic the enemy uses against all of us at one time or another.  One of his best schemes is to "separate" us and make us feel alone.  He loves to whisper in our ears that nobody cares, nobody sees all our work and efforts, nobody is aware of the burdens we bear......we don't really matter.  The quicker we expose the lies of the enemy, the better.  We can't let him divide us or isolate us in any way.  We must stay together - loving and affirming one another.

I have, however, come to understand another side to isolation.  Sometimes isolation can be allowed by the Lord because of what He is wanting to do in our lives.  The trial we are walking through, the suffering we are experiencing, the desert place we are in - it may mean some isolation on our part.  God often isolates us before He moves us on into what He has for us.  In many ways and on many levels, I have been in "isolation" on our unexpected journey.

Thankfully I have loving friends around me.  I have a supportive family.  I have friends, loved ones, and even total strangers lifting me up in prayer.  I'm not alone - but I am in isolation.  That may not even make sense to you.  It's rather hard to explain, but it's very real and it's been a big part of what I'm walking through.

When we hear of someone being put in isolation, it seems like a bad thing - a negative thing - a punishment even as they sometimes do in prison.  But I have come to understand and see the isolation as a good thing - a positive thing - even a reflection of love.  It's been hard at times, especially when I feel I'm missing out on things, or that life is rushing by without me - but I've tried to look at all the good things that have been brought into my life on this journey.   

My life had already been greatly impacted by having cancer, but it looked like I might have turned a corner on that.  Then it came to a screeching halt when Floyd became so suddenly and severely ill.  From one day to the next he became bed-ridden and silent.  It was so shocking.  And then my cancer returned - repeatedly.  I call it a roller coaster ride, but, actually, that barely begins to describe it.

All of this definitely put me in a season of massive isolation!  From day 1 of this journey I have purposed in my heart to keep my eyes on the Lord - to allow Him to guide me along.  He has been so faithful!  To say the journey has not been easy is a massive understatement, but God has walked continuously beside me!  

I have experienced an intimacy with Him that I didn't realize existed.  I have "felt" His  presence with me minute by minute.  I have walked in a level of grace that I had only read about in books before this journey.  I have had supernatural strength on days when I had none of my own.  I have seen God meet my every need.  My situation has caused me to be alone much of the time, but I've not been lonely as I've felt His comfort and support.  He has counselled me and given me wisdom for the many decisions I've had to make.  He has helped me keep going on days when it felt like "too much."  I could go on and on.  He has been with me in every need!

The "isolation" has been very, very real......but His faithfulness has been even more real.  Whether God purposed this time, allowed it, or is simply bringing good from a bad time......I don't know.  I don't have to know.  What I do know is that the time of isolation has been a gift.  It has been the richest season of my life in my walk with Him.  I can do nothing but thank Him for it.

"After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone."  Matthew 14:23

"But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray."  Luke 5:16

"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed."  Mark 1:35

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory."  2 Corinthians 4:17

"Where can I go from your Spirit?  Or where can I flee from your presence?  If I ascend into heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, you are there.  If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me."  Psalm 139:7-10

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."  James 4:8

"As I was with Moses, so I will be with you.  I will not leave you nor forsake you.  Be strong and of good courage."  Joshua 1:5,6

I've found it encouraging to see that Jesus Himself needed times alone to be with the Father.  He withdrew.  He needed the quiet and isolation to prepare Himself for what the Father had for Him. 

I have no idea what is still ahead, but I'm comforted to know that He is with me.

Our Tears Are Precious To God

I was thinking recently that one of the things I miss on our unexpected journey is Floyd giving me gifts.  He's always been a sweet gift giver.  Just recently out of the blue I received a love gift from someone.  It was a sweet, special gift of some lovely items.  It touched my heart so deeply!  It reminded me that I am loved.  

The Lord has been speaking to me too and giving me precious reminders of the fact that He loves me.  He sings over me.  He rejoices over me.  His love is for now and for all eternity.  He sees me.  He cares about what I am walking through.  He is right with me.

The thing ringing in my heart is to remind each one reading this that GOD LOVES YOU!  You are precious to Him.  You're not just one of the billions on planet earth.  You are unique - His special creation.  He loves you for you.  He loves you as a single, individual person.  He loves you for who you are.  He doesn't condemn you for what you're not.  We are all learning and growing - but He loves you right now, today for who you are.  You are His daughter, His son - His treasure.

May I encourage you to let the truth of this fill your heart, mind, and spirit?  Receive the powerful truth of it!  And then tell someone else how much they are loved!

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called the children of God!  And this is what we are!"  1 John 3:1

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."  Matthew 10:29-31

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?"  Matthew 6:26

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him....The father said to his servants, 'Quick!  Bring the best robe and put it on him.  Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.  Bring the fattened calf and kill it.  Let's have a feast and celebrate.  For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "  Luke 15:20b, 22-24

God loves us in every season, every situation in our lives.  He loves us in our successes, our victories, our triumphs - and He loves us in our pain, our need, our hard times.  And on this journey I have learned at a deeper level that He loves me in my tears.

In the beginning of our unexpected journey, I cried quite frequently.  There were so many shocks.  There was such sudden, unexpected loss.  As the tears flowed, rather than it being upsetting - it helped me get equilibrium. 

As time has passed, I find that the tears come less often.  But they still come - usually during a stressful time or times when I'm weak and weary.  I've learned to let them flow.  They often seem like a pressure release valve - letting the "steam" off so that I can handle the pressure.

I think I have a new awareness that God understands my tears.  Tears are okay - they are a gift.  And it's not a male/female thing.  It's not a sign of weakness.  Jesus wept over the death of His friend Lazarus and over the city of Jerusalem.  The Bible says He was "acquainted with grief."  He understood tears.  Peter wept when he denied Jesus three times.  Jeremiah the prophet wept.  David wept in the Psalms.  Job wept in his suffering.

I've always appreciated that Floyd wasn't embarrassed by his tears.  There have been times when he's cried with me when I've gone through a tender time.  His father was a man who cried.  

When they come, I let the tears flow.  I believe God weeps with us, and gently holds our hand to comfort us in our sorrow - whatever it may be.  He "hears" our tears, and is with us in the valley of our sorrows.  He collects our tears as something precious, and makes note of each one.  He has given us the ability to cry and have tears because He knows how much we'll need them during our trials and sufferings.  I hate to think of how bottled up things would be inside of us if we didn't have the release of tears.

"You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book."  Psalm 56:8

"Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!"  Psalm 126:5

"When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in His spirit and greatly troubled."  John 11:33

"Jesus wept."  John 11:35

"And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times."  And he went out and wept bitterly."  Matthew 26:75

"As He came closer to Jerusalem and saw the city ahead, He began to weep."  Luke 19:41

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."  Revelation 21:4

There was a time in my life when I was very insecure and self-conscious of my tears.  Now I've come to understand them as the gift that they are.  I just let them flow.  I'm thankful for the release they bring, and I'm grateful that God understands my tears.

Character Grows Like An Oak

Floyd is continuing to have some "good" days.  I'm so grateful, and don't take it for granted.  I think it's an answer to prayer.  He seems a bit more tired than usual, but he remains at peace.   I pray for more good days and for the comfort of the Holy Spirit.  

We have been treated recently to a special natural phenomenon.  We’ve had thousands of lovely white butterflies swarming around.  They are on their annual migration from the west coast of South Africa to Madagascar.  

They are delicate looking, all white, smallish, fluttering creatures.  I’ve been mesmerized by their loveliness.  As I’ve watched them out my window, I couldn’t help but think of the angels all around us that we can’t see.  I’ve never seen one, although I know many people have.  

However the Word tells us they are there – watching over us, caring for us, protecting us.  I have “sensed” them at times.  I have thanked the Lord for them without seeing them.  I know I need their watch-care, so I depend on them.  Just recently our security alarm system has been acting up.  When I go to bed at night, I ask God to give extra angels to watch over me. 

There have been times when I’ve known I’ve been protected from something even though I didn’t fully understand the details.  There have also been “close calls” when I knew angels were protecting me. 

I’ve often prayed for angels to keep Floyd company.  He spends a lot of time alone.  I’ve asked God to give angels to be with him – and to let him see those angels.  There have been times with Floyd when he looks over my head or behind me, sometimes he smiles.  I can’t help but wonder if he’s seeing those angels.

The thing that has settled in my heart as I’ve been thinking about all this because of seeing the “swarms” of butterflies – is that I’m first of all so grateful for the angels that watch over us, and that I also need to ask God to keep those angels on duty.  I need them!  Floyd needs them!  Our family needs them!  You need them!  We need to pray for 24/7 “swarms” of angels to be with us.  And maybe we’ll even see one someday. :)

"He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways."  Psalm 91:11

"I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared."  Exodus 23:20

"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them."  Psalm 34:7

A friend asked me some questions recently about leadership.  I was going through my files to look at some of my notes, and came across something that spoke to my heart.  It's about Character vs Reputation.  It was from some sermon notes from Floyd's father.  I thought I would share it with you.

• Character is the one thing we develop in this world and take with us into the next.

• Character is what you really are; reputation is what people say you are supposed to be.

• Character is the face; reputation is the photograph.

• Character grows from within; reputation grows from without.

• Reputation is what you have when you move to a new community.  Character is what you have when you leave.

• Character is built over a life-time.  Reputation can be made in a moment. 

• Character grows like an oak; reputation grows like a mushroom.

• A single news report can give you a reputation.  A life of diligence gives you character.

• Reputation is what men will say about you on your tombstone.  Character is what the angels will say about you before the throne of God.

My father-in-law was a wonderful man of character.  I was privileged to learn from him and glean from his walk with the Lord.  This list reads like a summary of his life.  I've been reflecting on it for a few days.

The thought that keeps coming to me is that character is developed primarily in the hard seasons of life, the trials.  To some degree it might be developed in the "smooth" seasons - but primarily the growth comes when things are tough and we have to wrestle with our choices and responses to the hard things.

I don't like trails!  I'm not a masochist.  I've sometimes complained to the Lord about the trials I've walked through.  A number of years ago our daughter was very ill for 6 1/2 years.  We were caring for her 24/7.  It was a hard season.  In the midst of that, there was another big trial that came our way.  I can remember standing in our cabin where we lived in Colorado and saying to Floyd "this isn't fair!  Doesn't God understand how hard it is already?  Why is He giving us more?"

Floyd was also struggling with the heavy load, but I remember Him looking at me and saying "this is where we have to keep our eyes on the Lord and trust Him.  He'll give us the grace and strength to make it through."  And He was right!  It was sooooo hard, but God helped us.  We learned so much, we grew in our walk with Him, we survived!!! - and there came a day when our daughter was healed.

I look back to that season and can see so many things that God taught us.  Things that became part of our character!!  As I’ve reflected back over a number of hard times, trials in my/our life, I can see in each one how God was shaping and forming my character.  In fact - without those times of shaping and building into my life......I'm not sure I could survive what I'm walking through now.  The character building in each trial I've walked through has become part of who I am today.  I read a quote in a book that emphasizes this.  "The choices we make in the place of trial today are greatly the fruit of choices we have made in our yesterdays."  SO, SO true!

I don't know what's ahead, but I do know that I want my choices on this unexpected journey to be ones that will impact my character. 

"We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame."  Romans 5:3-5

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  James 1:2-4

"May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you."  Psalm 25:21

We live in an "instant" world where people want things to happen right now!  But walking in God's ways, allowing Him to develop character in our lives takes time - lots of time.  And it may not be easy.  But it is so worth it! 

God Shines Through The Mist

Floyd had lots of smiles for me this week, but the best thing was that he was so peaceful.  No distress at all.  The previous week he was so very miserable.  I played some encouraging testimonies for him, and then prayed with him - thanking the Lord for His goodness to us.

I’m so grateful for the prayers of many around the world, and the Lord’s answers… I have had an encouraging appointment with my doctor this week for my kidney.  After having been advised that I would probably need surgery, I'm so relieved that that is not the case!

When going through a trial or a time of suffering, it's very normal to have "good" days and to have "hard/not-so-good" days.  I think we expect it to be one or the other, but it's usually a combination of the two......and it shouldn't be a surprise to us that that's the case.

I'd love it to be all good days - or at least fairly good days.  When I have a good day, I want it to last and keep going.  I don't want the hard days to return.  At the very least, I wish I could plan for when they will each come.  But they are utterly unpredictable.  There's often no rhyme or reason to the one or the other.

The important thing to remember - the thing that helps me keep my equilibrium through the swinging back and forth - is that God doesn't change even though my days do.  He is solid, steady, safe, secure, unchanging, unmoving, always there, firm, and always available.  He is my anchor.  He is my sure foundation.  He is my Rock.

On the long unexpected journey I've been on, I've learned to recognize some of the "triggers" (both physically and emotionally) for the good days and hard days.  Especially when there is something that precedes a hard time, I can sometimes "catch" myself and run to the Lord to pre-empt the hard day.  But that's not always the case.

When a hard day comes, it's important to remind myself that it won't last forever.  Day and night both come around regularly - neither are permanent.  When the hard times, the dark nights, come I reach out for the light of the Spirit to drive away the shadows.  I proclaim the truths of who God is in the midst of the moonless night.  I worship Him for His goodness and faithfulness - even if I'm not feeling it at the moment.  My efforts at doing this - often feeble and weak - begin to get things back in perspective and help turn things around.

It's equally important on the good days to worship Him for who He is.  I don't take the good days for granted.  I express my gratitude.  I let my soul feast on the good things so that I'm filled up and ready for the hard things when they come back my way.  It's like reaping the harvest so that we're ready if famine comes.

Without His steadying hand it would be hard to walk through the yo-yo of good and hard days.  But He is by my side, and He keeps me firmly secure.

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe."  Proverbs 18:10

"Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken."  Psalm 55:22

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice."  1 Peter 4:12,13

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:9,10

I THANK Him on the good days - and I TRUST Him on the hard days.  He is faithful and unchanging on ALL my days!

We've had some unusual weather recently.  We've had thick mist all around us.  At times it's been so dense that we could only see a few feet in front of us.  Even the street right in front of our house had disappeared.  It felt like the world around us had evaporated,  and we were stranded on an island surrounded by this heavy, rolling mist.

As I sat looking at the waves of mist rushing by outside my window, I could suddenly see parallels to my life.  There are so many things in my life that seem shrouded in mist.  I don't know what the future holds.  I sometimes don't even understand what the day in front of me holds.  I don't know if God will heal Floyd or take him to heaven.  I don't know if I'm going to win the battle over my persistent, recurring cancer.  I don't know what will happen in regard to things that several family members are facing.  There is a lot of "mist" in my life.  When I look at all the things I'm facing, the mist seems so thick.  I sometimes feel encapsulated by it.

But there's an interesting thing about these misty days.  At some point the sun breaks through and sends the mist fleeing away.  It often happens mid-morning.......but some days not until the afternoon.  There have even been days when it's lingered the whole day.  But - at some point - the mist does disappear!

As I observed all this, thought about it, I could sense the sweet voice of the Spirit speaking into my heart that the "mist" in my life won't last forever.  He will send the sun of His Spirit to chase it away.  I don't know when that will happen - it could be soon or it could be weeks/months, even years, away.  But the "mist" isn't permanent.

As this revelation and understanding flooded my heart, I could feel the Lord ministering it to my soul.  He's in control.  It brought a sense of comfort, release, and relief to my heart.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?"  Psalm 27:1

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."  Psalm 46:1

"The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing."  Zephaniah 3:17

"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined."  Isaiah 9:2

Whatever mist we are facing in our lives, God will break through with rays of sunshine to help us, direct us, and chase the mist away.  He is always with us!  He is so faithful.

Our Big God

This week Floyd has had days of smiles where everyone who has been with him has gotten at least one smile - some more than one.  Then he has had some really bad days.  The dreaded roller coaster keeps going.  

When we're in the midst of the problems and the needs we have, they can often seem HUGE.  They may look like a mountain in front of us as we deal with them daily.  If we're not careful, the enemy can distract us to so focus on them that they overtake our vision.  

When that happens, it's easy for us to see our needs as huge and see God as small.  We may not feel His presence - or understand how He is working on our behalf.

I think this is one of the sneakiest ways that the enemy works.  He wants to undermine our confidence in God's power, His might, and His faithful love and concern for us.  He'll use any way he can to make God look small and distant.  He'll whisper in our ear that God doesn't care - that He has forgotten about us - that we are not worthy/deserving of His attention.  He has a thousand lies that he loves to use against us. 

If this happens, it's so important to speak out truth.  God does care!  He hasn't forgotten about us!  We may not be worthy in our own right, but God deems us worthy through the shed blood of the Lamb - and we definitely have His loving, caring attention!!  For each and every lie, we MUST counter it with statements and prayers of truth.  We cannot let any lie "hang" there - or the enemy will use it to gain a foothold in our souls.

The battle in our minds over these lies versus the truth of who God is is one of the biggest battles we face during hard times.  The enemy loves to "play" on our weakness and vulnerability as we go through trials and sufferings.  If he presented us with a huge billboard with lies on it about God - we'd see right through it.  Instead, he comes in small, subtle, clever half truths and mistruths that eat away at our faith and trust.  We must daily, constantly be on guard against his tactics.

At the beginning of the year, I wrote about trust.  I am being continually reminded of how important it is to trust God regardless of circumstances.  I have to daily (sometimes even hourly if I need to) declare my trust in God's goodness and faithfulness.  I believe it's my weapon for battle against whatever the enemy throws at me.

And you know what, the enemy never gives up!  When we expose one of his lies, he just starts working on the next one.  We have to stay vigilant and on guard.  We have to renew and affirm our trust in God continually.  We have to take control of our thought life and not give any opening for the enemy.  And we have to remind ourselves how very much God loves us!

"Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light."  2 Corinthians 11:14

"Put on the full armour of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil."  Ephesians 6:11

"The Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one."  2 Thessalonians 3:3

"Be sober-minded; be watchful.  Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour."  1 Peter 5:8

"Submit yourselves to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."  James 4:7

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you."  Isaiah 43:2

Someone sent me the wonderful photo above that illustrates the truth of how BIG God is in our lives.  Our "Aslan" is wonderful and powerful and keenly aware of us.  We are definitely not forgotten by Him!

The Lord keeps bringing me back to the word TRUST.  I think it's to be my "theme for the year."  I've been reflecting on the challenges to our trust.  It's easy to trust when things are going well......but the rubber really meets the road when hard things come our way. 

When that happens - it's amazing how easily and quickly resentment and anger can enter in if we're not careful.  We don't deserve this!  Aren't we faithfully serving the Lord?  Why would He allow this to happen?  Am I being punished?  A small seed of rebellion can enter into our hearts without us realizing it unless we are on guard.  

Maybe that's what happened to the children of Israel in the desert.  They were rejoicing that God had rescued them from Pharaoh in Egypt.  They had seen amazing miracles that had enabled them to be released from Pharaoh's iron-clad grip.  But soon the hard days in the wilderness wore on them - even though they had daily manna to feed them, a pillar of cloud to guide them during the day, and a pillar of fire to give them light at night!!  

They got tired of manna.  Life in the desert wasn't very pleasant.  It wasn't what they expected.  They started grumbling.  They even began to think that things were better under the brutal slavery of Pharaoh.  A seed of rebellion began to destroy their hearts.  They eventually turned to golden idols.  And it all started with a lack of trust in their hearts towards God and what He was doing and allowing in their lives.

In a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago, my friend mentioned how the children of Israel "grieved the Lord in the desert/wilderness."  The phrase pierced my heart!  I haven't been able to get it off my mind.  It keeps coming back to me again and again.

I've been in a desert/wilderness for a long time now on our unexpected journey.  I've had a type of "manna" each day as I've sensed the Lord's goodness and presence with me.  He has definitely led me day by day - and been with me with the light of His Spirit on the dark, hard nights.  I certainly don't want to grieve the Lord in the midst of this journey!!  Thinking of this has sharpened my awareness, my spiritual sensitivity to be careful.  I want to make sure I'm responding right to the trials I'm walking through.  God has been so very faithful to me.  I would hate to grieve His heart.

There will always be some desert and wilderness times in our life as long as we live on this earth.  I think we must purpose in our hearts before they come that we don't want to grieve the Lord......that we will trust Him completely.  If we have that sure foundation and commitment in place, it will help us when the hard times come.

"How often they rebelled against him in the wilderness and grieved him in the desert."  Psalm 78:40

"The Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart."  Genesis 6:6

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."  James 4:8

"The Lord is near to all who call upon Him."  Psalm 145:18 

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."  1 Peter 5:6,7

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows that we are formed, He remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:13,14

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."  Isaiah 26:3

The trials don't seem to stop in my life on this unexpected journey.  Just when I think there's a break and things will be less intense - something new comes along.  I am facing stresses and battles from several directions right now.  I know I can't make it without His help - and I am purposing in my heart to be careful, to be on guard as I don't want to grieve the Lord in this desert/wilderness time.  

Kind Words Are Good Medicine

Floyd continues in the up and down cycle of good and not-so-good days.  I'm sure this is hard for him both physically and emotionally.  

I've thought about how we often wait until a person passes away to express our love and appreciation of them.  It's sad - because the person doesn't get to hear our words of gratitude.  It's certainly helpful to the family and gives them strength, but it's a shame the individual doesn't get to hear the encouragement.

Because of our long unexpected journey, our situation has been different.  Many of the dear ones whose lives we have touched and connected with over our 52 years of married life have sent messages of warmth, love, and appreciation.  I have shared them with Floyd.   It has been a sweet affirmation to both of us that the small seeds we have planted over the years have produced life and fruit.  I am so grateful to each person who has shared with us.  It has been a lovely encouragement. 

Some sweet friends who visited this past weekend put so much thought and effort into things they brought with them to express their love and appreciation.  I was so blessed - and Floyd was too.  He listened attentively to everything they shared.  Proverbs 15:4 (CEV) tells us that "kind words are good medicine."  We received some good medicine last weekend!  

"Kind words are like honey - sweet to the soul and healthy for the body."  Proverbs 16:24

"A person's words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook."  Proverbs 18:4

"Words satisfy the soul as food satisfies the stomach."  Proverbs 18:20

The results from my tests last week have come back and are cautiously optimistic.  They're not as good as I would have liked, but it looks like the treatment I'm on is moving things in the right direction!  I will continue with the treatment, and be tested again in 4 months.  

The treatment has side effects.....one of which is that my sleep is being impacted.  So we continue to pray for my healing and my strength.  

In the past weeks I’ve written about choosing not to fear - and pursuing peace.  As I've continued to reflect on this I've come to the understanding that peace and joy are gifts from the Father's heart that we must continually receive.  Circumstances come our way that rob us of both.  It can almost feel like being "mugged" of something precious.  Our treasure, our sense of peace and security......our well of joy, is stolen from us by events that we walk through.  We can easily be left feeling barren and empty.

In recent days I've had a number of things come my way that have impacted me in this way.  The result has been that I've been left feeling "exposed," and rather barren.  Thankfully that hasn't lasted long!  I've known I needed to go immediately to the Lord and ask Him to restore my peace and my joy.  He has faithfully, wonderfully done that each time.  In my need, He has been more than sufficient.

But it has been important to recognize my need, and ask Him for a fresh release of His deep peace and His abundant joy.  I can't just assume that what has been robbed will be restored.  I need to come before the Lord with open hands and open heart asking for Him to freely give those gifts to me again.  He's always waiting to fill my heart and mind afresh.

"Let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.  There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."  Hebrews 4:16

"The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace."  Psalm 29:11 

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace."  Isaiah 55:12 

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."  Psalm 94:19

I think sometimes I try to "protect" my heart from being impacted in such a way that my peace and my joy are robbed.  It's been so encouraging to see that when that happens - it's okay.  God is lovingly waiting to restore what the enemy has robbed.  He freely, graciously does that.

Probably like many of you, I've been reading the news reports about the drama in the royal family in England.  I'm so grateful that the details of our family life aren't splattered over the news!  What a stressful way to live.  It's been intriguing to watch the events unfold - and also thought provoking.

As I was reading yet another news update, a lightening bolt thought hit my heart.  In my heavenly royal family, I am never either in or out!  I am always IN.  I don't have to do things or perform - I am loved and accepted as I am.  I'm not judged by my works.  I'm not better or worse according to what I can or can't do.  What a wonderful assurance.

As the months go by, I often berate myself because I can't "do it all."  But God never ever puts that condemnation on me.  Just the opposite in fact.  He continually ministers His grace and encouragement to my heart - not on works, but on His love and acceptance of me as His daughter.  My royal status remains intact and secure.

I was reminded by a friend that "we see bones, but God sees an army."  Ezekiel 37:1-14.  Floyd wrote a book on this.  We see our need, our weakness, our failure, our dry bones......but God breathes life into our weakness and brings success because of who HE is.  It's not dependent on us.

I find such comfort in this - especially on my weak and weary days.  He is strong when I'm weak.  He is the "way-maker."  He is always at work in and through us.  And He loves and accepts me just as I am.

Thank you Lord!!  I will serve Him with all my might on my strong days, and I will serve Him to the best of my ability on my weak days.  He receives it all as my worship to Him.

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer."  Psalm 19:14

"For God does not show favouritism."  Romans 2:11

"You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light."  1 Peter 2:9

"You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God."  Isaiah 62:3

God loves us, accepts us - not on our performance, not as something we've earned, not because we are deserving.......but because He chooses us as His own royal family.  I'm so grateful to be His daughter.

Best Friends

A long time friend who worked with us in Holland visited this past week.  We had a lovely visit together, and then we went to see Floyd.  He was so attentive to everything she shared.  He seemed to just soak in all the news and testimonies that she told him.  It was very sweet, very tender.  Both of us thanked and affirmed him for his ministry those many years ago in Holland that is still bearing fruit, and we prayed together for him.

Some have asked what the prognosis is for Floyd as we enter this new year.  Basically, there isn't one.  The doctors never thought Floyd would live this long.  They have no idea what will or will not happen going forward.  More than ever before, Floyd is in God's wonderful, sovereign hands......which is a good place to be.

Sometimes I feel like I could easily get whiplash just from my daily life!  I don't even need a car accident!  I'm "hit" one way - and then life swings and I'm "hit" another way.  The different impacts can be quite jarring.  When circumstances come our way, problems, needs.....even good things - we can be swung in different directions.  Our emotions can range from joy to sadness, from happiness to depression, from relief to despair.  It can happen in a week, in a day, even in an hour!  On the unexpected journey that I've been on, I find that I often have several of these whiplash moments in just one day.  They come a lot more frequently than I want!  Emotional whiplash is very possible in our everyday lives.

I've found that my only protection from this, the only "treatment" that I know to apply, is to constantly turn my focus back to the Lord.  If it's joy I'm impacted with - I worship.  If it's sadness I'm impacted with - I take my sorrow to the cross.  Whatever feeling and emotion I'm being bombarded with because of the circumstances I'm faced with - I have found that I need to immediately turn it to the Lord - or else it can easily spin out of control.  The "whiplash" of emotions can control me and throw me off balance if I don't bring them into the Lord's grace and presence.

The fast changing impact of world events can bring whiplash too.  Something happens - and within minutes it is transmitted around the world and we know about it.  There are frequently several "big" events happening each day.  I think it's easy to underestimate how much these impact us - how they can bring "whiplash" into our lives.

The Word tells us that God is always with us - holding our hand, never leaving us or forsaking us, staying as close as a whisper away. When we are swung in different directions, He is there to steady us and help us stay firmly close to Him.  If we feel distant from Him, we can know for certain that He hasn't moved!  We need to quickly turn back to Him if we feel any distance.

As long as we live on this earth, we will face whiplash moments.  I've had an unusually large amount of them in recent years, but all of us face them.  Our wonderful heavenly Father knew that would happen and already provided instruction, comfort, and promises in the Word. 

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go."  Genesis 28:15 

"Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."  Nehemiah 8:10

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"  Romans 8:31

"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and rescues them from all their troubles."  Psalm 34:17

Sometimes my heart gets sore from all the whiplash moments in the day.....but as I turn to Him, He pours His soothing, healing, loving balm into each one.  As ALWAYS, He is so faithful!

This week I had a big medical test.  Depending on the results, I may need more tests.  I don't know if I'll ever get "used to" facing these big tests on the cancer journey.  Every time I have one, I find myself facing insecurity and feeling very vulnerable.  I always have to actively pursue God's peace - to choose not to fear.  It's not the test - it's the results that weigh heavily.  I have to battle my mind going to all the "what ifs" of the future.  I, like Floyd, am also in God's wonderful, sovereign hands.

I was listening to a song that a friend sent me.  "God is the waymaker, the miracle worker - He's at work even when we don't see it or feel it."

I found that very profound and reassuring.  I have such a limited perspective of what God is doing.  I know that I know that I know that He is at work......but I only see and understand snippets of what He is doing.  This is why it's so important for me to choose not to fear and to pursue His peace......while He's at work on my behalf.

As I wait for my test results..... I TRUST in Him.  I love these verses from Psalm 23:1-6 in The Passion Translation:

"The Lord is my best friend and my shepherd.  I always have more than enough.

He offers a resting place for me in His luxurious love.  His tracks take me to an oasis of peace, the quiet brook of bliss. 

That's where He restores and revives my life.  He opens before me pathways to God's pleasure and leads me along in His footsteps of righteousness so that I can bring honor to His name.

Lord, even when your path takes me through the valley of deepest darkness, fear will never conquer me, for you already have!  You remain close to me and lead me through it all the way.  Your authority is my strength and my peace.  The comfort of your love takes away my fear.  I'll never be lonely, for you are near.

You become my delicious feast even when my enemies dare to fight.  You anoint me with the fragrance of you Holy Spirit;  you give me all I can drink of you until my heart overflows.

So why would I fear the future?  For your goodness and love pursue me all the days of my life.  Then afterward, when my life is through, I'll return to your glorious presence to be forever with you!"

Every verse ministers deeply to my heart in my current situation!  I choose not to fear and to rest in His peace.

I Trust You Lord

Floyd continues to have up and down days.  I am so grateful that he was having a "good" day when our grandkids were here.  We keep praying for peace, comfort, and grace for him. 

As we move into a new year, I take comfort in the words from Psalm 73 that He is "always with me."  I am so keenly aware that I can't make it alone - for one day, one minute, one second.  I need Him.  God assures us over and over in the Word that He is with us.  People may let us down.  Situations may not go the way we think, planned or hoped for.  But God is always, always faithful.

There's a song called "He Won't Fail You."  It affirms that God is always with us.  "Through the storm your cries are heard - He will always be who He's always been - You can trust His holy word."

In a day and age when so many things are changing.  Things we thought we could always count on are melting away in front of our eyes.  But God is unchanging.  What He said He'd do, He will do.

The song goes on to say:  "He didn't fail Daniel in the lion's den.  He didn't fail Abraham or Gideon.  He didn't fail Noah on the ocean blue.  No, He didn't fail Jonah, and He won't fail you."  God didn't fail those who have gone before us, and He won't fail us!

There are so many testimonies of God's goodness, mercy, and help.  They remind us that He is with us - that He will never, ever fail us.  He has been with us - He is with us - and He will be with us!  That doesn't mean we'll always get the exact answer we want!  But He WILL meet us and help us.

While my grandkids have been here, we've looked at old photos and I've told them our "stories."  The more stories I told, the more it became clearer and clearer to all of us that God has been with us!  I think we tend to forget all the times He has led us, met us, answered prayer, provided, helped us, and been so amazingly, incredibly good and faithful!  It's been a wonderful exercise of looking back and being grateful.   

It's been fun too!  :)  Many of the stories the grandkids had never heard.  They are returning home with a lot of McClung "history."  It's kinda reminded me of when God told them in the Bible to tell things to their children and their children's children.  I hope the testimonies of God's goodness to our family can be passed on to future generations.

"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me unto glory.  Whom have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Psalm 73:23-26

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me."  Psalm 23:4

Because of His promise - "I am with you." - I have nothing to fear, nothing to worry about as I move into this new year.  He has been with me in the past, and He will be with me in the coming year.  I relax in His secure embrace.  How wonderfully faithful He is.

We're only a few days into the new year, but the Lord has already been speaking something clearly to me for this year.  TRUST.  In a number of ways He has been reminding me of how important it is to trust Him.  I can't live by circumstances!  I must live by a firm, secure trust in Him.  I've tried to do this all along our unexpected journey, but God has been speaking to me afresh about it.

To name just a few, these are things that can undermine trust: 

·      when we don't understand

·      when the "pieces" don't fit

·      when we have more questions than answers

·      when we're sick, tired, weary

·      when we feel overwhelmed by circumstances

·      when things happen that bring pain to our hearts

·      when we allow our mind to go to the "what ifs"

·      when we feel stretched beyond what we can handle 

When I face these things, I have found that I have to "purpose" my heart towards absolute trust in the Lord regardless of any and all situations that come my way.  That trust has to be firm, secure, strong or else I won't be able to hold steady in it when things "hit" me.

I have recently felt bombarded by a number of things.  It has felt like waves crashing over me - winds buffeting me one direction and then another.  The solid rock of trust - because He IS my Rock - has held me firm and secure.

We human beings want answers.  Especially in the day and age in which we live, when we have more and more answers to things in life - we want understanding of the things we face.  We want to know what is happening, what to expect, what our choices are.  But that isn't always possible.  Having understanding/answers won't always happen.  But having trust in the Lord, staying tucked in close to Him, will get us through each and every hard time.

I have a strong belief and conviction that God will bring good from hard times.  But that can't happen if I don't trust Him.  Through my decades of life, that is something that I have repeatedly worked on learning.  I must trust God in every situation.  As I trust Him, it frees Him to work in my life in ways that only He can......and to "redeem" the hard seasons with good things.

I realize that it's easier to talk about trusting Him all the time - than to actually do it.  That's why I used the word "purpose" my heart towards absolute trust in the paragraph above.  It's a choice.  It must be a repeated choice.  It has to be something we work at, something we strive for.  It doesn't just happen.  But it is wonderfully possible.  And trusting Him in the hard times helps make the hard times easier to bear.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5,6

"The Lord is my strength and shield.  I trust Him with all my heart.  He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy."  Psalm 28:7

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God."  Psalm 20:7

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in You."  Psalm 56:3

"Steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord."  Psalm 32:10

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord."  Jeremiah 17:7

On hard days when I'm confronted with weariness, with lack of understanding, with hard things - I simply say "I trust you Lord."  It immediately releases the burdens from my heart and into the Lord's capable hands.  I can then rest secure in His loving care.  He is always good and faithful!

He Sees Us

I had a sweet visit with Floyd this past week.  He gave me a good smile when I told him about our grandkids arriving safely.  I told him some things we had done, and he got very teary.  

I hate the Christmas season coming to a close.  It's been special - and it's been wonderful to "reflect" on different aspects of the Christmas story.  Some have been familiar - others have been new to my thinking.  My heart is full and overflowing.  I look forward to next Dec. when I can begin anew.

One of the things that struck me this year was some of the "hidden" people of both the story of Christ's birth - and also from his life.  Anna who I wrote about was one of them from his birth story.  We don't hear much at all about her - only 3 verses written about her, and yet she was a very special woman of God.

I've thought about how the life of Jesus is marked right from the beginning by His "seeing" people, seeking them out, noticing them, calling out to them.  We aren't hidden from Him.  He sees each and every one of us.

Jesus saw the children that the adults were pushing to the side.  He saw women at the back of the crowd - or ones that society rejected.  He saw the lepers.  He saw the sick who were waiting for a miracle.  He saw the lonely ones.  He saw the ones who were ignored by those around them.  He "saw" the woman who touched the hem of His garment.  He saw the man up in the tree.  He saw the open heart of the man hanging on the cross next to Him.  Jesus always looked to see people.  He understood that each one was precious.  None were hidden from Him.

I take such comfort in this because I know it means He sees me!  In many ways my life is a bit "hidden" right now.  I'm on my own a lot.  It's not a bad thing - I need the peace and quiet to spend time with Him and to recharge my batteries, and to allow my body to heal with the treatment I'm on.  I can't "do" as much as I used to do.  I can't "go" a lot of places because I simply don't have the energy.  I often don't feel I'm accomplishing much - especially in relation to how our life has been so full and busy over all our years.  And yet, I feel so "seen" by the Lord.  I know He is right with me.  I sense His presence with me moment by moment.

And I want to encourage you that He "sees" each one of you in whatever your situation is.  He loves you, He cares for what you're going through, He listens when you pour out your heart to Him, and He is working to help you in what you face.  He is WITH you.  You are not overlooked.

Being seen by Jesus has nothing to do with power or status.  It's not about our accomplishments.  We may even be in the background, but He sees us and loves us for who we are.  In fact He's created us as the kind of person we are or aren't.  We are each uniquely created in His image.

"His eyes are upon the ways of a man, and He sees all his steps."  Job 34:21  

"The ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He watches all his paths."  Proverbs 5:21

"My eyes are on all their ways; they are not hidden from My face."  Jeremiah 16:17

"Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His steadfast love."  Psalm 33:18

Not one single one of us is "hidden" from view from the Lord!  We may think that others are getting more of His attention, but that's not true.  He is working, faithfully working, on behalf of each of us.  He sees us.

It's hard to believe that it’s a new year!  In spite of all the hard things we've walked through, the year seems to have flown by.  You would think it would feel the opposite! 

I never dreamed that our unexpected journey would continue on for so long.  It still seems so unreal.  And yet, here we are facing another new year.  It feels a bit daunting to me.  I have to be very careful not to allow my mind to wonder about all the "what ifs" of the year ahead.  I remind myself that His grace is (and has been) sufficient for each day - not for the months ahead.  God doesn't give His grace to us to be stored up.  He meets our needs one day at a time.

In fact, as I've been thinking about this, I've felt the Lord prompting me to just take it "one step at a time."  I'm a planner, a do-er, I like to be organized.  But there has not been one single thing about this unexpected journey that I could plan.  I have had to face things as they come, and ask God for wisdom and direction in knowing how to deal with them.

It's actually quite encouraging.  I can't face the "mountains" that loom over my future......but one step at a time seems like something I might be able to handle.  Because of my numb feet, I have to be very careful about walking - watching and being aware of each step I take.  I guess it's the same on this journey.  As I daily take each step, I can also be aware of what God is saying.  I can receive His help for each step.  He may even take me on a different path so that some of the things that look so big in my future may even change.

One step at a time, holding His hand, listening to His voice, trusting in His goodness and faithfulness, and keeping my eyes on Him sounds like a good plan for the new year!

"My God is one step ahead of me with His mercy."  Psalm 59:10  The Voice

"As you go, step by step, I will open up the way before you."  Proverbs 4:12  (a literal translation)

"My feet have closely followed His steps; I have kept to His way without turning aside."  Job 23:11

"The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him."  Psalm 37:23

"In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:6 

"Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path."  Psalm 119:105 

I'm grateful that I can keep holding his hand as I walk through the new year.  I can't face the whole year ahead.  Sometimes I don't even think I can face the whole day ahead, but with His help I can face one step at a time.  I know He'll keep me steadily on course for whatever is ahead.  A "blessed New Year" to each one.  We are safe and secure in His hands. 

Behold!

Floyd is not doing well.  There's nothing new to say - it's the same up and down situation.  I’ve prayed for additional grace and comfort for Floyd over this Christmas season - that he will sense the presence of the Saviour whose birth we celebrate.

One of my Christmas reflections this year has been on the three women in the Christmas story - Mary, Elizabeth, and Anna.  Of the thousands of women alive at that time, these three are singled out and mentioned so there must be things for us to learn from them.  They were different ages and at different stages in their lives, but it seems that they all "feared the Lord."  They each set a powerful example for us.

Mary we know the most about of course.  She's the chosen one, the mother of Jesus.  She humbly obeyed what was asked of her.  I'm sure she had questions.  It says that she "kept all these things and pondered them in her heart."  I can relate to that.  I "ponder" things a lot.  

She also worshiped in her song in Luke 1 - thanking God and honouring Him.  The Magnificat - Mary's hymn of praise.  It's one of the most beautiful passages in scripture.  From Mary we can learn to be fully available to whatever God has in store for us.  He can use us, too, to accomplish "great and mighty" things. 

Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist, we know some about.  She hadn't been able to have children.  She was a "senior citizen" - past the years of bearing children.  She could have been angry and bitter that God didn't give her and Zechariah children.  She lived in a culture where a woman's worth was measured by the number of children she had.  But she kept her heart blamelessly before God.  And then a miracle happened.

I don't think it would have been easy to start a family at her age, but she didn't shy away from it.  She accepted what God gave her to do.  And she gave encouragement to Mary when Mary visited her.  We can learn from Elizabeth to let our heartbreak and pain draw us closer to God instead of allowing it to cause distance in our heart towards Him.

Anna, the prophetess, is the one we know the least about.  In Luke 2:36-38 we learn that she became a widow after 7 years of marriage.  She then devoted herself to fasting and praying in the temple.  She was now 84 years old.  She had lived and walked so closely with the Lord that she recognized Jesus as the Saviour when Mary and Joseph came to present him in the temple for purification when he was 40 days old.

Anna had faced a great disappointment in life in losing her husband after just a few years.  But she didn't stay in her pain.  She turned her disappointment into glorifying God day and night.  I can only imagine how many young mothers and widows she must have encouraged and ministered to as they came to the temple.

Anna is probably the least important figure in the Christmas story.  She's often overlooked when we tell the story of Christ's birth.  We only have these 3 verses about her.  And yet I think her impact must have been powerful in the day and age in which she lived.  Her recognition of Jesus was important enough to be singled out and mentioned.  

Anna is one who made the best of her situation.  She would have been looked down upon in her society - poor, destitute, alone.  But she looked on the positive side, counting her blessings, and her heart overflowed in worship.  She is one who knew how to grow old gracefully.  She didn't become bitter with her lot in life - she became better.  I think God held her in high esteem.  So little is written about her, and yet she leaves a rich legacy.

None of these women were rich or powerful.  They weren't from the elite of society.  They didn't have influence or status or important backgrounds. They were simple, humble women who were willing to follow and obey the Lord.  As I've reflected on these three, I realize that I want to follow their example of obedience and worship.  We've heard about the Three Wise Men.  I think these are Three Wise Women that we can learn from.

Mary's Attitude and Response

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered.  "May your word to me be fulfilled."  Luke 1:38

"My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour, for He has been mindful of the humble state of His servant.  From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me - holy is His name.  His mercy extends to those who fear Him, from generation to generation."  Luke 1:46-50

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."  Luke 2:9

Elizabeth's Response

"The Lord has done this for me," she said.  "In these days He has shown His favour and taken away my disgrace among the people."  Luke 1:25

"In a loud voice she exclaimed: 'Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear!  But why am I so favoured, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?' "  Luke 1:42,43

Anna's Response

"She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying."  Luke 2:37 

I identify with these simple women in various ways.  And I want to follow their examples.  They were each, in their own way, Wise Women.  My life is enriched by having reflected on them this Christmas - especially as I continue on our unexpected journey.

All through this month of Christmas reflection there has been a word echoing in my heart and mind.  BEHOLD!  It's an old fashioned word.  We don't hear it much anymore.  But it's very common in the Word.

It's not used as much in the more modern versions of the Bible.  Depending on what version you use, it's mentioned anywhere from 2 times to 1335 times.  It's used to call attention to something - to make a statement!

The dictionary meaning is to perceive through sight or apprehension - to see or gaze upon - to observe something remarkable or impressive.

One of the more familiar passages in the Bible is from John 1:29 when John the Baptist sees Jesus and exclaims, "BEHOLD the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world."

Another well known one is "BEHOLD, I stand at the door, and knock; if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me."  Revelations. 3:20

As the word has reverberated over and over in my mind, I have found my heart full of worship.  I want to BEHOLD Him!  I want to proclaim Him!  I want to worship Him!  He is so worthy.  We can truly BEHOLD him:

B - Bless His name continually!

E - Exalt Him for He is worthy!

H - Honour and worship Him!

O - Only He deserves our adoration!

L - Love Him with all our heart, mind, soul, and body!

D - Devotion belongs to Him!

It's also impacted my heart afresh that we need to BEHOLD Him regardless of our circumstances.  Whether it's a "good" season in our lives or a hard season.  Whether we're well and healthy or sick.  Whether all the bills are paid or we have a stack of them due.  Whether we have a good job or we're unemployed.  Whether we have questions.  Whether we have problems.  Whatever our situation is - we need to BEHOLD Him!  He is worthy!

"BEHOLD, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us."  Matthew 1:23

"And BEHOLD, a voice out of the heavens saying, 'This is my beloved Son, in whom I have found my delight."  Matthew 3:17

"Therefore if any man be in Christ, He is a new creature: old things are passed away; BEHOLD, all things are become new."  2 Corinthians 5:17

"BEHOLD, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God."  1 John 3:1 

"BEHOLD, He cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see Him."  Revelation 1:7

Especially in this Christmas season when we celebrate the birth of Jesus, we need to BEHOLD Him.  I'm offering up that gift to Him.  Oh how I want to BEHOLD Him more and more!  I don't feel I have a lot to offer Him right now in this season of sickness and weakness, but I can certainly BEHOLD Him.  I love and honour Him for His faithfulness and goodness.

Wisdom Is Found In Obedience

Floyd is not doing well over all - but there are still good days and not-so-good days.  This week when I was with him it was a not-so-good day.  I, once again, felt to bathe him in encouragement.  I sang and prayed for him until he got tired.  I can’t imagine how difficult all this is for him…we continue to lift him up in prayer.

Nowadays one of the main things associated with Christmas is gifts!  Like everyone else, I love gifts.  It's fun to receive them of course, but, even more, I love giving gifts!  It brings me such joy to give to others.

I think I've been that way all my life.  My mother used to tell me stories of my giving away my toys and clothes when I was a little girl.  She had to watch that I didn't give away everything, but I'm grateful that she didn't squash my giving.  She, in fact, was such an amazing "giver" herself.  Out of her need and of having very little, she gave and gave and gave.....often through her cooking.  I am sure that God stretched her groceries so that she could give more.  

I can't help but think that this love of giving was something that God put in my heart from an early age.  After all, God is the ultimate giver of gifts, and He wants us to be a reflection of Himself.  He is so generous in His giving into our lives. 

This pattern of giving caused a bit of tension, however,  when I married Floyd.  He didn't quite know what to do with a wife who wanted to give gifts all the time.  He said "we're praying for money for food, and you're giving gifts."  I told him I'd rather skip some meals than stop giving.  We had lots of discussions about the topic. :) 

We finally reached a "deal."  I would pray for provision to be given specifically to ME.  If that happened, I could use that to give gifts to others.  That seemed fair.  Well, lo and behold!, the heavens seemed to open and I got gifts from all over - designated for ME!  It was mind boggling.  After a few months, Floyd said "obviously God is with you in this.......I'm going to join you."  And he became a big "giver" of gifts too.  I think he outdid me!  Floyd has been such a generous man.  It has been a great joy of our life together to be "givers."  Even in our poverty times, maybe especially in our poverty times, we gave.  It has been life-giving and so rewarding.

The other day I was talking to my son about being rather extravagant in something he gave - and he said "well you're the one who brought me up this way."  I felt soundly rebuked. :)  I love his heart of giving!

In this Christmas season of giving - I'm thinking about the wonderful gift we've been given of having Jesus come to be the provision for our forgiveness of sins.  I realize that my love of giving comes right from the heart of God in His giving His Son to us!  Wow - what a gift!

I've also felt stirred that the greatest gift I can give this Christmas season is my worship to the Lord for His goodness, His mercy, His grace, His strength, His sustaining help, His comfort, His provision, His power.......the list goes on and on.  There is so much to worship Him for.  My heart is overflowing.

The problems don't go away.  Floyd and I and our family are still walking along this path of our unexpected journey.  One family member described it recently as still feeling very "surreal."  The daily pain and trials of that are real and "in my face."  But in the midst of that, I see God's hand of goodness and mercy continually.  He has been and is helping me/us!  I am so grateful.  As fully as I can - I'm giving the gift of worship to the Lord this Christmas!  It's a gift I love to give!

The amazing thing about giving this gift of worship to the Lord - is that the gift gives back to us!  As we worship the Lord, it fills our hearts with light and life.  It draws us closer to the Father.  Our burdens become lighter.  Our heart fills with joy.  We gain a fresh perspective on the hard things we face.  It increases our capacity to, in turn, receive from the Lord all we need.  You've heard the phrase "the gift that keeps on giving" - worship is the ultimate gift that keeps giving!  We give in worship to the Lord - and He in turn gives us joy overflowing in our lives.  I often think that we receive more from worship than we give!

"Worship the Lord with joy; come before Him with happy songs!"  Psalm 100:2

"Give unto the Lord the glory due unto His name; bring an offering, and come before Him.  Worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness."  1 Chronicles 16:29

"We praise you, God, we praise you, for your name is near; people tell of your wonderful deeds."  Psalm 75:1

"Let everything that has breath praise the Lord."  Psalm 150:6

"Thought the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior."  Habakkuk 3:17-18

"Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom."  Psalm 145:3

"I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.  I will sing the Lord's praise, for He has been good to me."  Psalm 13:5,6

As we give and receive gifts this Christmas, let's make sure we are giving the gift of worship to our wonderful Lord!  He has given us so much.

During the month of December I love reflecting on the Christmas story - and learning afresh from it.  Each year I read through the passages with an open heart to see what God wants to say to me.  The implications of the birth of Jesus - its impact on human history and on each of our lives is huge.  I always feel that there's so much to learn from what happened.

I'm intrigued by the wise men of the Christmas story.  We know only a little about them, and yet they played a key role in all that happened.  In a time when communication over long distances was very difficult, all they had to go by was a star.  Yet their devotion, their sense of calling and purpose was so strong that they travelled hundreds (thousands?) of miles to see and worship the "king" that the star heralded.  I mean, who does that???

We don't really know all the details about the wise men - not even for sure that there were 3.  There are legends, stories, and traditions mixed in with the Biblical text.  But the essence of the story remains the same - they came a long way to see the new king, riding camels or horses, bringing gifts, and following some sign they saw in the sky.

It took a long time, so they were very serious about what they were doing.  They were on a "mission" to find the new king and worship him.  They even stopped to ask for help from Herod in getting directions.....which brought about a series of events that threatened the life of the baby Jesus.  Then they journeyed on - until they found him. 

It must have seemed strange to Mary and Joseph to have 3 strangers show up with expensive gifts explaining they had travelled from far away to come worship "the king."  But I guess everything about the birth of Jesus was so different that by then it might have seemed normal. :)  From everything we know, it wasn't a long visit.  They worshipped and then they began the journey to return back home.

I have to assume that they somehow knew the way because there was no star to follow on the return journey.

I recently heard someone speaking of this narrative, explaining why the 3 wise men are called wise.  It's not because they were of superior intelligence.  It wasn't because of their titles or positions.  It's because when God spoke to them in a dream to tell them to change their plans and go a different way than what they had planned......they obeyed.  They were "wise" because of their humility in obeying - they were willing to change their plans in obedience to God's word as they journeyed home.

Whoever, whatever these men were - where they came from - how far they travelled - what gifts they gave - we have often centered our attention on those aspects of the story.  But I think one of the key take aways is their heart of obedience - first to travel the long distance and fulfil the mission on their heart.......and then to be willing to change their plans when God spoke.  They are a wonderful example to us!

How many times do we have "plans" - good plans, plans we've prayed about, plans that we think God has led us in.  And then there's a change.  We feel we're to do something different.  All the work, all the effort, all the preparation is negated.  It can feel like a big waste.  It's hard to throw it all out and do something different.  We don't like or want to change.

I've had this happen a number of times in my life.  There have even been instances of this on our unexpected journey.  I've learned that the key is to have an open heart to hear from the Lord - and be willing to change everything at His direction.  I've sometimes argued with the Lord about this.  "What about all the work I've done?  What about all the expense that's gone into the preparation?  Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

We don't have to know the answers, the reasons - all we need is to have open hearts to follow the voice of the Lord in what He tells us to do or not do.  It's that simple.  The wise men showed us that.  We can follow their example.

"After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen when it rose went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was.  When they saw the star, they were overjoyed.  On coming to the house, they saw the child with His mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped Him.  Then they opened their treasures and presented Him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.  And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route."  Matthew 2:9-12

"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps."  Proverbs 16:9

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.' "  Jeremiah 29:11

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit' - yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring.  What is your life?  For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.  Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.' "  James 4:13-15  

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him."  James 1:5 

I am continually grateful that I don't have to rely on my own wisdom for all my plans and decisions.  God has been a faithful guide.  He is right beside us, directing our steps as we call on Him.  He will show us the way - just as He did for the wise men.

Immanuel - God With Us

Floyd is having yo-yo days again. Up and down. It's hard to watch this happen. It's times like this when I cling to the promise that "His grace is sufficient for every need" - including Floyd's needs in his situation. Without that promise, that truth, I think I would despair for my dear husband. We continue to pray for His sufficient grace for Floyd.

The days of December are already moving along - Christmas is just around the corner. I love Christmas! And now that Dec. is here, I can think and reflect on all the wonderful things I like about this time of the year.

One of my favourite words from this season is "Immanuel." God with us. It's such a powerful truth! We are never, ever alone. He is always with us - day and night, good days and hard days, through every sweet moment and every sad one. He is right by our side.

In Luke 1:28 in the Christmas story the angel appeared to Mary and said "Greetings, you who are highly favoured! The Lord is with you."

Mary, the woman who was chosen above all others to be the mother of Jesus - is told that God is with her. I don't know what she expected. If I were her, I think I would have expected good things. After all, she's the chosen one!

And yet things weren't easy for her:

• She had a pregnancy that no one understood. I imagine she was whispered about, pointed at, probably ridiculed. She may have been shunned and excluded because of the "questionable" pregnancy.

• She had to give birth (after riding for days on a donkey - no ambulance to take her to a nice hospital!) in the humblest of settings. I would have at least expected that God would provide a nice place for His Son to be born.

• She had to run and flee to another country because the king wanted to kill her son. In fact, she had to keep moving around because they were trying to find her, Joseph, and baby Jesus. She didn't have a nice, sweet home to raise her little son.

• She had to watch as her son was both loved and hated. I hate to think of all the things she heard people saying about Him. The words must have pierced her heart.

• She had to endure seeing her son mocked, beaten, and cruelly killed. I can't begin to imagine the pain of that.

And remember all this happened to a woman who was "highly favoured" and God said He was with her. Her life wasn't easy even though she was the chosen one. But the key - the most important thing - is that God WAS with her. That made all the difference!

Your life and my life will probably have things that aren't easy! But we have the same promise that Mary had. God is with us! He is Immanuel. He'll help us with whatever we have to face.

We don't have to stand in line to be with Him. We don't have to go somewhere to meet Him. We don't have to take turns being with Him. We don't have to wait to be with Him. We don't have to hope He'll have time for us - or that He'll speak to us. HE IS WITH US! 24/7, 365 days a year, every hour, every minute, every second He is with us. He never leaves us. He is Immanuel.

"Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call His name Immanuel, which means God with us." Matthew 1:23

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go." Genesis 28:15

"My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." Exodus 33:14

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

I am so grateful that He is Immanuel. I couldn't make it without Him. I've learned that He's only a whisper away when I need Him. He is truly with me!

Recently I have also been reflecting on a very different aspect of the Christmas story - fear. That certainly isn't something that comes readily to my mind when I think of all that happened. But it's there in several instances of the Christmas narrative.

When the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary it says she was "greatly troubled." He told her "do not be afraid" Luke 1:26-30. It's easy to understand that this young, 14-16 year old virgin would be afraid when told she's going to become pregnant, never having known a man.

When the angel appeared to Joseph he told him "don't be afraid to take Mary as your wife" Matthew 1:18-25. I can't begin to imagine the thoughts swirling in Joseph's mind about all this. He certainly needed the angel's encouragement to not be afraid.

When the angels appeared to the shepherds "they were terrified" Luke 2:8-20. It must have been an incredible experience to suddenly have first an angel come and then the heavens filled with a host of angels singing and praising God. They may have wondered if they were going a little crazy after being alone out in the fields with the sheep for so long.

When the angel appeared to Zechariah to tell him that Elizabeth was going to bear a son who would prepare the way for the Lord - he was "troubled and overcome with fear." To me this seems like a normal reaction. I mean he and Elizabeth were both very old, had never had children, and it certainly didn't seem like old people would start having babies. But he was rebuked for his fear and struck dumb until after his son, John the Baptist, was born.

As I read these passages, I had such an encouraging sense that God understands our fears. Here in the midst of one of the greatest events in human history - there was fear. Except for Zechariah (maybe he was held to greater account because he was a priest), the response of the angel was to say "it's okay......this is God's doing.....you don't need to fear."

I think God understands when we go through our own unusual circumstances that we may have fear. I've had a number of fearful moments on this unexpected journey we're on - I still have them come up. I haven't had an angel appear and tell me all is well - but I have definitely had the sweet comfort of the Holy Spirit encouraging me that God is with me. His presence has been with me moment by moment. He has lifted fear and anxiety from my heart and given me His peace. He has never left me alone to face the situations that provoked my fear. He has been with me as I wrote in the last update.

It's also important to note that none of the individuals in the Christmas story stayed in their fear! They obeyed the angel when he instructed them to "not be afraid." We may not have an angel telling us this, but we must bring our fears to the Lord, lay them at His feet, and receive His grace and strength to "not be afraid." We can't allow our hearts and minds to live in a fearful place. It may be challenging, but God will give us the strength and courage we need to deal with our fears.

During this Christmas season, we can personally receive the message the angels brought long ago - "do not be afraid." God will help us just as He helped Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, and Zechariah. We don't need to fear in whatever situation we're in.

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." Psalm 56:3

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." Psalm 94:19

"Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me." Psalm 23:4

"I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid, for I myself will help you.' " Isaiah 41:13,14

There are so many verses that speak to "do not fear." I think the Lord knew it would be hard for us, so He made sure to speak to us over and over through the Word to not let fear enter in.

I'm grateful for the sweet presence of the Lord that helps me walk through the difficult situations of life without fear. As He holds my hand, whispers sweet encouragements into my heart, and never leaves me alone - I can walk in grace and peace. How good He is!

Life's Traffic Jams

Floyd has had a consistently "good" week - such a sweet gift.  His therapist remarked this week that he seems to have more energy.  I stood by his bed when I visited and recounted all the things we have to be thankful for.  Then I prayed for peace, comfort, and sustaining grace for him.

I was going through a file recently and came across some notes I had written long, long ago:

Be careful of your thoughts because they determine your words.

Be careful of your words because they lead to actions.

Be careful of your actions for they become habits.

Be careful of your habits because they shape your character.

Be careful for your character because it determines your destiny.

I sat and pondered those 5 guidelines.  It seemed like a revelation came that God has helped me over the years with my words, my actions, my habits, and my character - and now all of those things are helping to shape my destiny.  

I've certainly not gotten these things all right over the years!  But He has helped me with the mistakes - helped me pick up the pieces and learn from them.  As He has taught me, stretched me, and helped me grow - I am now walking in a lifetime of learning that is shaping my destiny.  

It was actually very encouraging.  It was like a window opened and I could see how God has been graciously at work in my life to get me to the place where I am today.  He has been at work in every season of my life.  And it gave me a fresh perspective of how important each of my choices have been through the years.

It particularly hit me that the habits I've built over the years have given me the firm foundation I have needed on this unexpected journey.  I'm not sure I could have walked this path without those things that had already been built into my life.  God knew what I would need and had been lovingly helping me build that foundation.

A few of the foundation stones stand out to me:

·      trusting God even when we don't understand

·      worshipping Him in the hard, difficult moments

·      walking in His joy which releases the strength we need

·      receiving His power that is made perfect in my weakness

·      standing on the truth of His Word, His promises

·      acknowledging that His grace is sufficient for my every need

·      standing against the enemy, especially his lies

·      persevering in prayer even when I don't see the answers I want

The list can go on and on.  I can look back to specific situations and see how He helped me "set" these foundation stones in place!

I have a fresh sense of gratitude that He has helped me "be careful" of all the things listed above in order to shape and mould me.  He's been patient with my failings, and has continued to help me grow.  He helped get me ready for the things I face now.  I am so, so grateful.

It also became clear to me that it's never too early or too late to learn these things.  In fact, I'm still learning in all these areas.  He never gives up on us - even if we're discouraged and think ourselves weak.  He takes our hand and says "follow me."  Then He shows us how to handle the challenges we face.

"If you wander off the road to the right or the left, you will hear His voice behind you saying, 'Here is the road.  Follow it.' "  Isaiah 30:21

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."  Proverbs 19:21

"Whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."  Philippians 4:8

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."  Matthew 6:33

"Whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus."  Colossians 3:17

Every word we speak, every choice we make, every action we take is shaping us into the person we are.  This would be a bit daunting if it weren't for the fact that God is walking right beside us and helping to form us into His image.  We are being prepared for the destiny He has for us.....His plans to "give us a future and a hope."  How good and faithful He is.

In the valley where we live, there has been major road construction going on for over 3 years.  It's still not finished - the process seems endless.  The last week or so it has gotten much worse.  The crews are trying to get some things done before the big month-long summer Christmas break.  Traffic has been an absolute nightmare!  It's not unusual to sit for 30-45 minutes just to move a couple blocks.  A 20 minute trip has taken me over an hour several times.

I was sitting in this traffic a few days ago.  People were getting frustrated.  Some were impatient - honking their horns, waving their hands, flashing their lights - taxis were trying to squeeze in and out between the cars to save a couple minutes.  It was pretty much chaos. 

As I sat, trying to pray and worship instead of getting frustrated - it hit me that this was a real life picture of what has been happening in my life the last few years.  Everything is blocked up.  Things have been coming at me from all directions.  Nothing is happening - little has changed - it doesn't seem like there is movement.......in fact, some things have gotten worse.

I realized that there is no choice but to wait!  I must be patient.  Getting upset or frustrated or even discouraged won't help anything.  For most of the situations in my life, there is little I can do.  I pray, I trust the Lord, I continue making the best choices I know to make - but, ultimately, I have to patiently (sometimes not so patiently) wait.....and wait.....and wait.  I have a feeling that some of you can identify with what I'm describing.  You're in the same boat - or the same car, so to speak.

The important thing is that I finally got through the roadblock!  I made it home.  I was grateful that I made it without any mishaps.  

I am confident that I am going to make it to the other side of this unexpected journey too.  Granted, I don't know what the other side is going to look like!  It may be healing for me or for Floyd.  It may be heaven for one or both of us.  I know there are answers to all the prayers that have been prayed.  I know that God is at work in this season.  My heart feels at peace.  I'm able, by His grace, to be at rest in the chaos.

I don't know how much longer the journey will be - days, weeks, months, years.  I've often taught that the journey is as important as the destination - applying that to lessons God is teaching us.  I think the same is true in my life right now.  The journey, and all that God is doing on it, is important.  Whatever the conclusion is - God is using the journey for His glory!  I feel safe in His care.  I trust Him.  I know He is working for good in my life.

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."  Ephesians 2:10

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28

"I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have spoken to you."  Genesis 28:15

"Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."  Philippians 1:6 

"But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day."  Genesis 50:20

"For in Him we live and move and have our being."  Acts 17:28

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

There are days when I am very tired of this journey we're on - days when I don't know if I can keep putting one foot in front of the other to walk on.  And then I read verses like the ones above, and I know God will help me persevere!  He is faithful.  He has a plan, a destination in mind.  I'll keep holding His hand until I get there.....even if the "traffic" is a big mess.

We Can't Stop The Clock

Floyd is doing better than a few weeks ago, but his condition still goes up and down.  I've often reflected on Acts 13:36 - "When David had served God's purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep; he was buried with his ancestors."  I pray that all of God's plans and purposes for Floyd's life, particularly in this season, will be fulfilled.  I continue to pray for miracles - while I also tell the Lord I'm at peace for Him to take Floyd home.  Healing or heaven!  Both are great options.

Overall I feel good - and people tell me I look good :) but I am experiencing lots of pain from treatment side effects.  It's draining but I pray for strength.  

As we celebrated American Thanksgiving yesterday, I was thinking I have so much to be thankful for.  In the midst of a long, unexpected journey - God has been abundantly good and faithful to me!  I can't thank Him enough.  In spite of all the hard things - God has been SO good, so sustaining, so available, so attentive to all the needs I face.

Thankfulness is a special thing.  When we are thankful, our hearts overflow and there is a peace, a richness, a joy that fills our sprit.  It is truly "priceless!"  A thankful heart overflows into every aspect of our lives.  It smooths the tracks, so to speak, for everything that comes our way.  A thankful heart just makes all of life easier.

But, if we're not careful, an ungrateful heart can creep in.  Instead of being thankful for the many wonderful blessings that we have, we can, instead, long for what we don't have.  That will always lead to being discontent......and it will rob us of our joy in life.  I think some people live in a constant state of discontentment because they focus on what is missing rather than on what they have.  A restlessness can enter into our lives if we live that way.

There are many things "missing" in my life right now.  I could truly become depressed if I focused on them.  I'm sorry that those things aren't there.  But, with God's help and grace, I have chosen to focus on what I do have!!  And I have so much!  God has been so good to me.  My friends here in Cape Town have loved and cared for me.  Those of you reading this have lifted us up in prayer.  Our family has helped in numerous ways.  I am "rich" in good things!  When I focus on those, there's no room to think about what I don't have.  I just choose what I focus on!

The Bible refers to it as "the sacrifice of thanksgiving."  It's an offering of praise that we offer up to the Father.  We are told to thank Him in each and every situation.  As we do that, the "offering" we are lifting up to the Lord turns around and blesses us.  A thankful heart helps with every single thing we face in life!

"Through Him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God.....the fruit of lips that acknowledge His name."  Hebrews 13:15

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.  I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:11-13

"I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth."  Psalm 34:1

Being thankful isn't just for the Thanksgiving holiday.  It's a way of life that God wants us to walk in.  It's a powerful way to live that He has offered to us - a precious gift. 

It's hard to believe that we are entering the last month of the year.  It seems like 2019 has just flown by!  The last few months have been particularly busy and intense for me.  Sometimes I feel like I want to "stop the clock!"  I'd like time to stop - or at least slow down.  But it just keeps rushing onward.

I never dreamed that our unexpected journey would go on and on and on.  As I look back on it, I'm amazed at all that has been "thrown into" this journey.  It's been hard and it's been good.  It's been sad, and there have been times of joy.  It's been stressful, and yet there have been times of peace and rest.  It's been physically and emotionally painful, but there have also been some points of healing and relief.  I've often referred to it being a roller coaster.  It still seems like one of the most descriptive ways to explain it.

On some of the good days......I have definitely wanted to "stop the clock."  Not so much on the hard days - I'm happy for them to rush by.  And yet, it's the whole picture that shows the goodness and faithfulness of God.  Hardship is part of the journey for all of us.  Our testings and trials have a purpose.  I can look over this journey and see the fingerprint of God in much of what has happened.  I don't understand it all, but I clearly see God at work!

One of the things I'm so grateful for is all the prayer support.  I’m thankful to each one for every time we have been lifted up to the Father.  I'm confident that those prayers have helped carry us along this journey.  I heard Pete Greig say that "the hinge of human history is the bended knee."  I think that hinge, that track along our journey is what has kept us going, kept us being able to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

As the clock keeps ticking and time rushes on - we can choose how we respond to all the things that life brings our way.  We can choose to make our darkest hour our defining moment.  I don't think we can avoid hard times in our lives, but we can choose for those hard times to be offered up to the Lord and used for His glory.  That is one of my consistent prayers on this journey.  I don't want to look back on this unexpected journey with any regrets.  I want to be able to worship Him for all He has done, for His faithfulness, and for His sustaining grace.  God has been so good to me!

"You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence."  Psalm 16:11

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

"The Lord is my strength and my song; He has given me victory."  Exodus 15:2

" ' For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' "  Jeremiah 29:11

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"  Luke 12:25,26

"The Lord is a refuge.....a stronghold in times of trouble."  Psalm 9:9,10

I can't "stop the clock" from all that is happening, but I can trust Him to be at work in my life each and every day!  He is so faithful to do that.

Home Is Where You Hang Your Heart

Floyd's condition continues to go up and down but he has been looking a bit stronger this past week.  Recently a Christian musician/worship leader friend who Floyd has mentored over the years came to visit him.  He played his guitar and sang worship songs.  Floyd listened with rapt attention!  It was very special.

Floyd's dream has been that Africans would take the Gospel to Africa, especially to the unreached.  That was what was on our hearts when we moved to this continent.  We wanted to help make that happen. This week we have a course being led by all Africans - and the class is made of those who are spreading the Gospel all over the continent - some of them in unevangelized areas.  There was a tearful, historic moment when it was pointed out that what is taking place is what was on Floyd's heart.  They took a video to share with Floyd.  I know it will encourage him.

A few days ago I heard this statement.  "Home isn't where you hang your hat - it's where you hang your heart."  It resonated to me.  I so agree with that.  That's how we've lived our lives.

My heart has been at home all over the world with Floyd.  We spent our first five years together living out of a suitcase.  Our first home was in Kabul, Afghanistan.  We had 3 different "homes" there - 4 in Holland - Calif. - Colo. - 2 in Kansas City - 3 in Cape Town.  We've lived in a lot of "places" (you might not always think of them as a "home" - often it was just a small room!).  There have been 14 of them to be exact - but my "home" has always been wherever Floyd is.  The last few years have been hard with him in the hospital and me at our house.  It hasn't been "home" without Floyd.  My heart is in that hospital room!

Growing up in Galveston, Texas I always knew I was going somewhere - but I didn't know where.  I knew God had called me to the world, but the "call" was never to a specific place like I heard some people explain when they talked about how God had called them.  As it turned out, my call was to many places as God led and directed our lives and ministry.....but the main thing is that it was to be by Floyd's side.

I'm still amazed when I think of how God led our lives to cross paths at a YWAM outreach - in Las Vegas, Nevada of all places!  Me from Texas and Floyd from Calif. - meeting at that outreach.  Floyd loved to tell jokes about meeting in Las Vegas!!  Can you hear it?  He took a real "gamble" when he met me!! :)  There are lots of fun details to that whole story of our meeting and falling in love!  

And then there was my Summer of Service in Samoa that Floyd helped sponsor and I didn't know it until we got engaged......and I was actually too young to have even gone on that outreach, but they made an exception for me.  I look back, and I see God's hand so very clearly, in so many ways, on our lives.  He had a wonderful plan for us!  I think much of it was an answer to the prayers of my mother and Floyd's parents.

Seeing this so vividly throughout our lives has helped me know that God has a plan for this season of our lives too.  I don't understand it all, but I have a sweet assurance that God is at work.  His plan for our lives, our destiny, didn't stop when Floyd got sick or when I got cancer.  God is still leading us - with the ultimate destination being in heaven with Him.

I know these years on our unexpected, very unplanned journey, haven't been wasted.  Without that sweet assurance in my heart, it would be easy to despair.  In some ways it seems like an anti-climatic ending to a very dramatic and adventurous life.  But I know God has been at work in this season.  Someday in heaven it will all be clear!  I sense His presence with us, His hand of involvement with us as clearly as I have over our decades of married life together all over the world.  God is still at work!

When "bad things happen to good people" as we often hear quoted - it doesn't mean that God has gone on vacation and left us alone.  HE IS STILL AT WORK in our lives!  He doesn't abandon us.  He doesn't throw up His hands and say "well, I didn't plan on that!"  We live in a fallen world, so bad things do happen......we do get sick....there are accidents.....but God helps us pick up the pieces and keep going.  He continues working to bring good, to bring meaning and purpose into our lives as we walk through the hard times.

In whatever situation we find ourselves, we can be 100% confident that God is at work in our lives to fulfil His plan and destiny for us.  We are in good hands!  He is with us, leading the way.

"Every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything."  Hebrews 3:4

"My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest."  Isaiah 32:18

"As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."  Joshua 24:15

"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures."  Proverbs 24:3,4 

A few days ago, I awoke early and opened the window shades.  To my surprise, because it hadn't been raining, I saw a large, beautiful rainbow as I looked out over the ocean.  I stood there admiring the beauty and thanked the Lord that He has been so faithful to Floyd and me as we've travelled and lived all over the world.  He has helped us have "home" wherever we were - because we were together.  Our heart was wherever we were.  I'm so grateful for that.

I've been reading the manuscript of a book written by a friend of mine.  It's not available yet - it's still in manuscript form.  I was privileged to be able to read it early.  It's her life story.  She and I are similar ages.  She has looked back over her many years of experiences, and drawn from what she's learned.  It's an encouraging narrative.

As I read it, read her journey, one thing kept coming through loud and clear to me.  It's the same thing I've been learning on our journey.  In every situation we face in life, it's so important to keep close to God and learn the lessons He has for us!  

We ALL have "unexpected journeys."  Some of you are probably walking through them right now like I am.  It's part of life.  While we live here on earth, we can't escape them.  But it is possible to miss the richness of what God has for us if we're not careful.  The lessons, the times of character building, the opportunities to choose to trust God, the closeness of fellowship with Him as we press into His grace in our times of need - we can easily miss these precious gifts if we're not careful.

Putting it simply, in our times of difficulty and need we can run TO God - or we can PULL AWAY from Him.  It all depends on the attitude of our hearts.  If we're hurt, disappointed, feeling let down, or angry - we may pull away from Him.  Regardless of what emotion we're experiencing, we need to remember to turn to Him.  His help, grace, strength, and sufficiency will be there as we turn to Him.

As hard as this unexpected journey has been, I wouldn't have wanted to miss the wonderful lessons He has brought into my life through the journey.  He has been exceedingly, abundantly good and faithful!

A few mornings ago I woke up to a melody in my mind with two phrases being repeated over and over.  I don't think it's an actual song - I think it's a personal bit of worship that God put in my heart.

“I just want to praise Him every day and every hour. I just want to praise Him for His goodness and His power.” 

The more I think about it, the more I realize this is such an awesome guideline for our thoughts, our attitude, and our worship.....day by day.  I would love for this to be the focus of my heart every day as I wake up!  God is so good.

"The Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works."  Psalm 145:9

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!"  Psalm 34:8

"The Lord is upright; He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him."  Psalm 92:15

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him."  Nahum 1:7

"Oh how great is Your goodness, which You have laid up for those who fear You, which You have prepared for those who trust in You....You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence."  Psalm 31:19,20

God is with us every day, in every situation we face with His rich mercy, grace, and strength. I couldn't have made it without His goodness. Just as my friend recounted all the lessons God has taught her, I want to keep doing that and giving worship and praise to Him.

Power In The Name Of Jesus

This week two of the lady carers visited with Floyd.  He hadn't seen one of the ladies for a while, and he was visibly moved when he saw her.  She had a word for him that brought tears.  I think the visit was very encouraging to him.  

His condition continues to go up and down.  I have no idea what is ahead, but I keep trusting God's plans and purposes in Floyd's life and in my life on our unexpected journey.  I rest secure in His loving hands.  I pray for strength and grace for both of us.  I look to God to help me!

There are times when I have limited energy to pray.  There are times when I don't know what to pray/how to pray.  One of the things that has helped me in these times is simply to call on His name – Jesus!  I say His name.  I sing His name.  Jesus.  Jesus.  Jesus.  Jesus help me.  Jesus I need you.  Jesus I can't make it alone.  Jesus you are my hope.  

Or I turn it into speaking out His promises.  Jesus you are my strength.  Jesus you are my refuge.  Jesus you never leave me.  Jesus you are my help.  Jesus you are my provider.  Jesus you are my source of wisdom.  Jesus you are my comfort.  Jesus you are my peace.

There is power in the name of Jesus!!

He has walked the road we walk.  He endured the stripes on His back for our healing.  He was mocked and slandered.  He had to battle the lies and temptations of the enemy in the desert.  He felt the pain of a close friend turning on Him.  He knew what it was to be alone when His disciples couldn't stay awake to be with Him.  He wore the horrible crown of thorns, and died a horrendous public death on the cross.  He endured all this - and more - for us......so that we could walk in His provision.

A friend sent me a list of the things that Jesus is to us.  I attach it below.  I've prayed the list, thanking Jesus that He is all those things to me.  I don't even think the list is complete!  Jesus is everything I need.  His help and provision is limitless.  He's available 24/7, 365 days a year.  He never sleeps or slumbers.  He never goes on vacation.  He is simply a whisper away - Jesus!

 I'm so thankful for the powerful name of Jesus.

"Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord."  Philippians 2:9-11

"The seventy-two returned with joy, saying, 'Lord, even the demons are subject to us in your name!' "  Luke 10:17

"And Jesus came and said to them, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.' "  Matthew 28:18

"If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it."  John 14:14

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."  Colossians 3:17

"The men were amazed, and said, 'What kind of a man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?' "  Matthew 8:27 

John Piper has said that "the Greatest Person made the Greatest Sacrifice for the Greatest Gift to the least deserving."  That's you and me!  But Jesus has provided for our every need.  I'm so grateful that I can speak His name when I'm needy, when I'm weak, when I don't know what else to do.  He is there always - and He is so faithful!

Some of the things I've learned on this unexpected journey circle back around again.  I guess it's like that all through our lives.  We think we've learned something - and then it pops its head up again.....sometimes repeatedly.  I've come to understand that it's God's way of taking lessons deeper.  It doesn't mean we've failed when the same issues come up again!  There are just some lessons that He wants to implant deep into our hearts, our lives, our character.  But if He did it all at once, it would overwhelm us.  It would be too much.  So He teaches us a little bit - and then a while later, He lets the same issue come up - and He teaches us a bit more.  I'm so grateful for His gracious, patient way of teaching us and growing us.

He has been doing that for me on this journey.  There are two things that seem to come up over and over and over again!  One is being thankful in any and every situation. The other is trusting God with whatever may come my way.  Thankfulness and trust are best friends!  When they link arms together, they are powerful in making it through hard times.

It's easy to have a heart of thankfulness when things are going good.  The difficulty comes when trials, challenges, and suffering come our way.  The enemy will do his best to point out all the negatives.  He'll try to get us to focus on the problems instead of focusing on God's goodness..  He doesn't want us to be thankful because he understands what a powerful weapon it is in surviving the hard times.  Thankfulness and gratitude keep our spirits sweet, and our hearts focused on the awesomeness of God.

I've said it before, and I'll say it a thousand times more - there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for.  In fact, there are always many, many things to be thankful for.  If we can't see them, we must stop - take a deep breath - look around us - and take time to make a list of all the good things in our lives......starting with God's goodness and faithfulness.  I admit that there are some days when the problems are so huge that they dominate my vision.  But once I stop and ask God for His perspective - then I see all the wonderful things that I have to be thankful for!

Trusting God in the midst of hard situations is perhaps more challenging, but it is so, so important.  In fact, it's in the hard times that we need to increase our trust in God - not let it waver or lessen.  If the enemy can undermine our heart of trust in the Lord, it gives him an open door to try and weaken all our other foundations.

I find it helpful as I go about my day to continually speak out "I trust you Lord."  I can be more specific - "I trust you Lord to give me wisdom in this situation."  Or I can just state the 4 simple words of trust.  God isn't looking at our words, He's looking at our heart attitude.  

I tell the Lord that I know He's with me - and I trust Him.  I tell Him that I know He has answers for everything I'm facing.  I tell Him that I trust Him even when I'm feeling overwhelmed with the situation I'm in.  I tell Him I trust Him for strength and fresh courage when I'm so exhausted that I can hardly stand upright.  I tell Him I trust Him when I can't see how things will fit together in the time to come.  I tell Him I trust His protection when it feels like arrows are coming my way from every direction.  Whatever the situation - we can state it, and tell Him we trust Him!!  This allows our heart of trust towards Him to grow and expand.

If I choose to trust God in any and every situation - and to thank Him whatever comes my way......I'm well on my way to victory over whatever the trial is I'm walking through.  I choose to keep the good friends of thankfulness and trust right by my side!

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."  Psalm 9:10

"I will give thanks for you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."  Psalm 9:1

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you."  Psalm 56:3

Thankfulness and trust are meant to be interwoven daily into our lives just as these verses go back and forth.  A strong "cord" is woven from our heart to the Father's as we choose to walk daily in them.

Time - A Precious Gift

In one of my recent posts I shared about a song that I've been singing and lifting up in worship.  It's actually a prayer of my heart each day.  "Press On" by Selah.  "In Jesus name I press on - we find the strength to press on."  The words are what echoes in my heart as I keep walking the path of our unexpected journey.  

A relative reminded me that there was a song that was sung at our wedding 52 years ago - "In Jesus Name We Pray."  She said it's a "book-end" theme for our lives.  To be honest, I'd forgotten about that song.  Her memory is better than mine!

As I reflected on this - and thought of the 2 songs, I realized that it's actually bookends that we need to have for each day!  We commit the events of each day to Him, in His name - and we trust Him for grace through the day to press on.  I often thank the Lord at night for getting me through the day, and tell him I trust him for the next day.

I am so keenly aware that I can't make it without Him.  Even some of the "bravery" I had when we started this journey is gone now.  I'm weary.  I often feel like there isn't much "fight" left in me - although my family would probably say I'm still feisty. :)  I know that I am so, so reliant on Him to keep me going!  It's only in and through Him that I can keep pressing on!

The Bible tells us over and over that He is our strength.  When we feel strong ourselves, the verses about His strength are nice - but when they REALLY become meaningful is in the hard times.  When we're weak, weary, dragging from the long journey - the promise of His abundant strength to undergird us becomes a lifeline.  It's a way He has provided for us to make it through!  It's our hope, our encouragement that we'll be okay.  That strength is available for the asking.  It's a provision He offers to us.

At our All Nations Global Gathering a few weeks ago, I spoke on "The Joy of the Lord is our Strength."  (I have posted my talk in the resources section of our website)  I have found over and over that as I press into Him, as I find continual joy in who He is - that the strength I need from Him comes more readily.  As I get out of bed each morning, I state the promise that His joy is my strength for the day in front of me.

Something else I've learned that is so important to me is that I don't need to fear being weak because He is always by my side.  The world puts such an emphasis on strength.  Being weak can feel like an ugly word.  But the Bible tells us that His strength really shines in our weakness.  His strength and our weakness fit perfectly.  I reject any lie of fear that enters in when I feel weak.

In times of weakness, I believe He keeps an extra strong grip on us.  He won't let us go!  He'll be firmly by our side night and day - on good days and on hard days.

" 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses.....for when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:9, 10

"You are my strength, I sing praise to you; you, God are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely."  Psalm 59:17

"It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure."  2 Samuel 22:33

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Psalm 73:26

"Have you not known?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He does not faint or grown weary; His understanding is unsearchable.  He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.  Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:28-41

I tried to find out how many verses there are in the Bible about God being our strength, but I couldn't get a number.  I just know there are LOTS!! The scriptures above are just a tiny sampling of God's promises to us to be our strength.  I take such comfort in going to His Word and speaking out the powerful verses that He will meet us in our weakness and be our strength - each and every time we need it.

In His name we pray for strength - and in His grace and strength we press on.  He is so faithful!!

This past Saturday was a special day for South Africa.  Our rugby team won the World Cup in the competition in Japan.  It wasn't just winning a sports game - it was a "win" for the whole country.  I'm not even a rugby fan, but I cried because I knew how special it was for our country.  Floyd is a huge rugby fan.  He would have been crying and dancing.

Siya Kolisi is the first black captain of the national rugby team.  He grew up in a township of teenage parents, wondering where his next meal was coming from, and playing rugby barefoot.  On his armband for the game, he wrote "Jesus."  He, and many of the team, were looking heavenward in thanks.  He said in an interview that the team knew how much South Africa needed this win to counter balance all the problems we are facing.  "We have a lot of problems in our country.  But this team is from so many different backgrounds and races and we came together to achieve one goal."  He said the coach told them we're not playing for ourselves - we're playing to win for the people back home.  The win is a wonderful gift to the country - perhaps even an answer to prayer.

While I wish Floyd could have been part of all this, he, instead, has had a hard weekend.  His condition is low again, and he's on oxygen to help with his laboured breathing from the chest congestion.  Myself, and 2 friends, were able to pray for him on Sunday.  We trust what God's plan is in the midst of this.   As I've said a number of times, I trust God for healing or heaven.  

I've been thinking quite a bit recently about TIME.  It's a simple 4 letter word that impacts all of us.  We need it - we can't escape it - sometimes we wish we had more of it - and sometimes it's over much too soon.  The smartest, richest, most powerful people in the world are under the same impact of time as the simplest, poorest, weakest individuals.  We're all in the "same boat," so to speak.

Time is a strange thing.  At times it seems to fly by - and then, at other times, it seems to move at a snail's pace.  But, however we look at it, it's the most important gift we have.  (Next to Jesus of course!)  Time is so precious.  We have a limited amount of it.  We can make "more" of many things in life - more money, more friends, more fun times, more adventures.....but there's nothing we can do to make more time.  That part of our lives is in God's hands.

Time is the most special gift we can give to people.  Spending time with a friend or loved one is more valuable than gold or jewels.  It's giving that person a portion of your life that you'll never get back. They may not always think of it that way :) but it's true.  There were times when Floyd gave his time to someone - at the cost of not being with me or our family.  We gladly shared him!  But I'm not sure it was always appreciated.  I was blessed when Floyd travelled and went somewhere to speak when someone would thank me for "sharing" him.  I knew they understood the gift of time!

Years ago I wrote a book on time - "Where Will I Find The Time."  I wrote about there being a season for everything from the book of Ecclesiastes.  I've always been fairly organized in using my time, and I enjoyed writing about it.  Now I'm in a "season" where time is more valuable than ever.  I don't know what's ahead for Floyd or for me, but I want my time to be used wisely.

As I reflect and look back, I'm so grateful for all the time we've had.  There are a few things I wish I'd have done differently with my time - but there are many, many things that I'm just so thankful for.  I think my biggest regret is about things we still planned to do, but time ran out on us.  One of those is that Floyd and I were planning a special celebration for our 50th anniversary.  Instead, I visited him in the hospital room, took balloons, and put up a poster to commemorate the day.

Because of what we're walking through, I'm grateful for every minute, every hour, every day.  I don't want to waste any of my time.  I want to make time count.  I try to be more purposeful in what I do and who I spend time with.  I encourage all of us to do that.  We need to treat time as the precious commodity that it is!

I'm realizing that it's never too soon - or too late to look at how we use our precious gift of time.  God has made us stewards of our time, so it's our job to use it well.  I know I've not always made perfect choices, but I hope I've done a good job......and I'm trying to do the best I can now in this season.  Whether I have one day or hundreds left, I want to honour Him with the gift of time that He's given me.

Our "times" are in His hands, but the responsibility for how we use our time is ours alone.  It's always a good time to reflect on our how we use the time God has given us!

"So be very careful how you live, not being like those with no understanding, but live honourably with true wisdom, for we are living in evil times.  Take full advantage of every day as you spend your life for His purposes."  Ephesians 5:15,16  TPT

"Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom."  Psalm 90:12

"We must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent us.  The night is coming, and then no one can work."  John 9:4

"How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow?  Your life is like the morning fog - it's here for a little while, then it's gone."  James 4:14 

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:  a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There's a song called "One Day at a Time."  The words of the chorus give an important perspective.  "Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus, and tomorrow may never be mine.  Lord help me today, show me the way, one day at a time."

On our unexpected journey, I've needed to take things one-day-at-a-time.  I'm grateful for every day.  I ask God to help me use my time wisely with each day He's given me.  I thank Him for the precious gift of time!

Beautiful Growth Comes From Pruning

I saw my doctor this week.  I'm dealing with 10 side effects from the treatment I'm currently on.  She said the issues are normal, but that I seem to have the "mother load" of them. :(  That said, she also said that I'm looking good!  That's always nice to hear.  We are trying to lessen the side effects, and I'm praying that the treatment will be effective!!

Friday last week marked our 13th year since moving to South Africa!  Floyd was very moved when I mentioned this to him.  We love this nation, and its people. It's "home."  There are those who are leaving and moving elsewhere, but I'm glad God brought us here.  We continually pray for His Spirit to move in a mighty way.  When we moved to Cape Town we learned that there have been prophetic words spoken that God was bringing revival "from Cape Town to Cairo."  We pray that will be so! 

It was pouring with rain on Friday too.  We need the rain, so it was wonderful.  Several times when I looked out and saw the rain, and when I heard it beating on the roof - I felt my heart stirred for that to happen spiritually too.  I pray that God will bring the rain of His Spirit pouring onto this land. 

Special days like that always cause me to reflect.  For some reason my mind went to the day that our daughter Misha was born in Kabul, Afghanistan.  We were so excited to be having our child!  In the community of dropped out young people that we ministered to, many of them had never seen someone excited about having a baby.  In fact they had friends and loved ones who had had abortions.  For some, it took a while for them to join in our joy - but when they did, it was done whole heartedly.

Before she was born, Misha was affectionately called "Moses" in our community because we didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl.  But everyone rejoiced with us when our darling red-headed daughter was born.  She came into the world just after 5 a.m., and as soon as she let out her first cry - there was a huge shout of joy and clapping.  Only then did I find out that everyone in the house had been up all night praying for me and waiting for her birth.  Within a short while they were streaming into our room to see her and touch her fingers and toes.  It was such a joyous occasion.

From the day she was born, Misha was shared with the community.  Some of the young people we worked with weren't the most careful with personal hygiene.  I can remember being concerned (!!!) as she crawled all over the floor, pulled on the guy's beards, and sat on everyone's laps.  But God spoke so clearly into my heart that Misha was  a "gift" to us, and we were to share her and let Him minister His love through her.  More than one young person told us how God had used our little baby girl to bring healing to their hearts.

I think the thought that came to me as I was reflecting on this is that God has had His hand on us through all our years of married life that we would share our lives with those He has called us to.  It has been a privilege and a blessing.  Even now I feel it's a treasure to be able to share our unexpected journey with all of you through these posts.  I’m so thankful for all those who read them and pray for us.  They are part of the journey with us!  Floyd and I have always considered "people" to be our greatest treasure.  We're so thankful!

"I thank my God every time I remember you."  Philippians 1:3

"We can't help but thank God for you, because your faith is flourishing and your love for one another is growing."  2 Thessalonians 1:3

"I thank my God through Jesus Christ for you all, because your faith is being proclaimed throughout the whole world."  Romans 1:8

"How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you?"  1 Thessalonians 3:9

I'm so grateful for each one who has walked with us on this journey.  I’m thankful for the love and prayers.  May God bless each one!

At our home we have a brick wall along the street.  When we moved to this house, Floyd planted some small bougainvillea plants along the wall.  Now, all these years later, they are big, massive plants.

 A while ago I knew they needed to be trimmed back.  I had the man who helps me with our garden cut them - but he cut them much more extensively than I planned.  I actually wondered if he had overdone it and they would die.

But - wow!  They have "come back" more beautiful than ever.  I share a photo above.  They are stunningly gorgeous!  Cars stop and take photos.  Neighbours have sent me messages thanking me for them.  Yesterday I went out to check our mailbox and found people standing in the garden along the street taking photos and selfies.  Every time I see these flowers, I can't help but smile.  They are bringing such joy to me and to others.  

Well - you know me by now - so you can guess I'm getting a spiritual lesson and application from all this.  God continually speaks to me through His creation!   

So many, many times we go through trials, through pain, through suffering.  We wonder if it will "kill" us.  It seems harsh.  It feels like too much.  We wonder if we'll survive what's happened.

I can so relate to those thoughts.  I must confess that there have been days on this unexpected journey when I didn't know if I'd make it.  To say it's been "difficult" is too mild a word.  It has been severe!  I feel like everything in our lives has been drastically "trimmed."  I have no idea how we'll recover - what the future holds. 

And yet as I've looked at these gorgeous flowers - my faith is strengthened.  Fresh hope has sprung up in my heart.  I know there is beauty to come.  It may only be in eternity - but good, beautiful, wondrous growth will come into our lives from this time of being "cut back."  My trust in what God has for us is renewed once again.

I'm so grateful for the lesson of these flowers.  I've told Floyd what a gift and blessing they have been to our neighbourhood.  From those few small plants has come such life and beauty - even after being cut back!

"Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit."  John 15:2

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  James 1:2-4

"Jesus replied, 'You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.'"  John 13:7

"We also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope."  Romans 5:3,4

"We went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance."  Psalm 66:12

"For in Him we live and move and have our being."  Acts 17:28

The hard times don't last forever.  It may seem that way! :)  But the times goes by eventually to a new season.  One of the things that has kept me sane is to look for the "good" in this particular season.  It's there!  I may have to search a bit, but so much good has come from this journey.

And I'm comforted that He goes before me in every trial, every pain.  He delivers us according to His will and purpose for our lives.  God let us walk this journey because He knew that, with His help, we'd make it through.  I hold onto that.  Sometimes all I can do is take a deep breath, hold onto His hand, and trust Him!  He's always faithful! 

Beauty Is Formed In Adversity

In dealing with the cancer and my health, I go to quite a few different doctors and therapists......but they all consistently "prescribe" the same thing.  I hear these phrases over and over - "take care of yourself" - "be kind to yourself" - "have some fun."  I've heard them so often that they seem to echo in my mind through the day.  I know they're all good and right, but they're sometimes easier said than done.

I do try to "take care of myself."  I know that I'm no help to Floyd if I'm not doing well.  I try to eat well.  I exercise.  I get good sleep.  I take vitamins and supplements to build up my body after all the medicines I've taken.  With caring for Floyd, battling cancer in my body, being involved in various ways in our ministry, taking care of our finances and paying all the bills, and handling the normal things of life - I sometimes feel stretched thin.  I try to balance out these things so that my days don't get too stressful.  

I also try to "be kind to myself."  This one is a bit challenging as I'm not always sure how to do it!  I had a good example of this yesterday.  We have started having "load shedding" again (where the electricity is turned off for 2-3 hours at a time to take pressure off the national grid).  It's amazing how it disrupts life!  It seemed like everything I wanted to do I needed electricity for.  So, in being kind to myself instead of getting frustrated, I took a nap!  :)  I slept soundly for over an hour, and woke up refreshed and feeling much more able to deal with the frustration.  

"Having fun" is perhaps the most challenging!  I find it hard to have fun when my heart is continually thinking about Floyd, and praying for him.  I try to think of fun things to do.  Usually it's reading a book, watching a movie, or going out to lunch with friends.  I'm grateful that Cape Town has lots of fun cafes and restaurants!  Because my energy is limited, my fun activities can't be too adventurous.

As I was thinking about all this, it seemed a strange thing to talk about in the update, but I felt I should share it because I actually think these are good "prescriptions" for all of us in our lives.  Whether we're sick - dealing with some trial in our lives - or just trying to cope with the stress of our busy day and age.......I think God wants us to take care of ourselves, be kind to ourselves, and have some fun.  God Himself took a day to rest.  Jesus withdrew from the crowds and rested.  They knew what they needed.  God made His world for us to enjoy, but we sometimes get too busy to do that. 

Our bodies are His temple - we need to take care of them!

"Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?"  1 Corinthians 3:16

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."  Proverbs 17:22

"Don't wear yourself out trying to get rich.  Be wise enough to know when to quit."  Proverbs 23:4 NLT

"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.' "  Matthew 11:28

I don't know what my future holds, but for as long as God keeps me on this earth I want to follow the simple "prescriptions" I've been given.  They are good ones!

A few days ago when I was visiting with Floyd, I was feeling overwhelmed with his current condition.  The tall, vibrant man that he was has become weak, frail, and somewhat shrunken.  The "gentle giant" of the man he was seemed so small.  I see him regularly, but somehow this all reached out and felt like a slap in the face during my recent time with him.  It grieved me to see him like this.  My heart felt heavy.

I had to come home and talk to the Lord about it!  I had to give it all to the Lord - cast the burden of it on Him.  I spoke out my absolute trust in God and in His sovereign will.  I quoted the promises of God's love and care for us, of His wanting what is best for us.....even if we can't see and understand it.  My only response can be trust to the One who holds us in His hands.  As I did all this, the weight of what had come upon me from my visit with Floyd was lifted.  I truly felt God took the burden of it all off my heart.  

I've spent some time reflecting again on some of the things I've been learning about suffering - there is so much!  I could write pages and pages about it.  I've shared many of the things I've learned, but it was good for me to think about them again.

·      Suffering can last a long time.  I am confident that our prayers are answered, but not always as quickly as we'd like - and often not in the way that we would like or expect.  In fact, our expectations about how our prayers "should" be answered are often a big part of how we'll be able to walk through the suffering.  Sometimes our pain comes not only from the physical suffering, but also from the disappointment of our false expectations.

·      Times of suffering are the best times to learn about God's goodness, faithfulness, and grace.  There is a level of fellowship and intimacy that we can walk in with the Lord in suffering that I don't think can come in any other way.  I don't even know how to give words to it.  I just know that there is a depth that I've experienced in my relationship with the Lord that I've not had before.  Probably because I've needed Him so very much more during this time!

·      It's during times of suffering that our character is shaped and formed in deeper and greater ways.  It's a time when we can experience a new level of spiritual maturity if we don't shy back from the lessons He has for us.  I heard one person say that it's an opportunity to become a "person of greatness" as we walk hand in hand with the Lord through suffering.

·      During this prolonged season of suffering I have also learned a simple, but profound truth - God is there and His Word is completely true, even if I don't "feel" it.  I've experienced a new level of "walking by truth and not by sight."  I may not always see or feel the truth of His Word, of His promises - but that doesn't change the fact that they ARE true!!  I can't only live by what I see and feel.

A friend reminded me recently of how precious pearls are formed.  They are formed inside the oyster shell by "adversity" - irritants in the shell.  A beautiful saltwater pearl can take 5 to 20 years to form.  The longer it is shaped and formed by the irritant, the larger and more beautiful it will become.  

The pearl is the only gemstone created "inside" a living creature.  Wow - that's a whole sermon right there!  As we face adversity in life, we have to stay tucked in close to the living Lord in order to be formed in His image.  We can't become who He wants us to be if we're distant from Him.

During times of suffering, God is using the "irritant," the adversity, to shape and form us into something beautiful and precious!  He is wanting to mould us into His beautiful "pearl of great price."

"The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls.  When he found one very precious pearl, he went away and sold all he had and bought it."  Matthew 13:45,46

"After you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support, and strengthen you, and He will place you on a firm foundation."  ! Peter 5:10

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."  Isaiah 43:2

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him."  James 1:12

The wonderful, beautiful thing in all our suffering is that He is faithful!  Day in, day out, morning, noon and night - He is completely, absolutely faithful!  We're never alone. 

Gratitude Is A Powerful Weapon

Floyd has seemed to be very weary in recent days - which is completely understandable!  I pray for daily grace for him.  

I have started a new treatment for my numb feet.  The numbness and pain has definitely gotten worse over the last months, although the doctor isn't sure why.  I am trusting for relief and improvement with this new medication.  

I read a devotional that spoke of patient perseverance.  As I read it, I wasn't sure the two words go together.  If you persevere, you just keep going in spite of everything.  If you are patient, you accept things "without being annoyed or anxious" according to the dictionary.  I definitely keep going......but I don't know if I'm always free of anxiety.  And the word "persevere" - it can actually put us off.  It sounds like a drudgery when you first hear it.

But when you're in the midst of a hard time, especially a season of suffering, there's really not much choice except to persevere!  The big issue for me has been HOW I would persevere.  I knew I didn't want to just grit my teeth and keep going.  I've chosen to take it one-day-at-a-time, to keep trusting the Lord, to have a heart of gratitude for the good things (that are always there), to daily receive His help and grace, and to walk in the joy of the Lord that is my strength.  Without those signposts in mind, I couldn't survive.  And I know I couldn't endure the journey without His help.

I read that the Latin root of the word persevere has 3 parts: per - se - vere.  Translated it means - by means of the truth.  I love that because I think it's only by means of the truth of who God is and how He helps us that we can fulfil that word.  Without God's daily grace, strength, and power I would not be still standing.  He has undergirded me in ways that only He can.

Along the road of perseverance, I've found that there is a time for  worship, a time for laughter, and a time for tears.  The occasional tears bring release, and wash the heaviness and sorrows from my heart.  Laughter brings healing to my soul (Proverbs 17:22).  And worship gets my focus on Jesus, realigning things the way they should be.  Laughter and tears come and go.  Worship should be a constant.  But all three are important for the journey.

I heard a song recently that I've been singing as worship and as a declaration to the Lord.  "Press On" by Selah.  I find the words are a cry of my heart - "When the valley is deep, When the mountain is steep, When the body is weary, When we stumble and fall, When the choices are hard, When we're battered and scarred, When we've spent our resources, When we've given our all - In Jesus name we press on!"  Amen, amen!!  He helps us keep going.  That's what patient perseverance is all about.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  James 1:2-4

"Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."  Romans 5:4

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised."  Hebrews 10:36

Someone asked me if I'm in a "holding pattern" in my life.  While it might feel like that sometimes, I actually think I'm in a massive "growing pattern."  In the midst of some of the hardest times in my life, I am learning so much as I try to patiently persevere and press on.  The closeness of fellowship with the Lord is a precious gift in the midst of it all.  I am so grateful!

I recently heard about someone that received a very generous gift, but the person complained about some of the aspects of the gift instead of being grateful.  I felt so sad when I heard this.  Complaining robs us of the joy of what we have received, and undermines our faith.

When I thought about this, I thought of the times when I've probably done the same thing through the years!  The Lord wonderfully provides for me, but maybe I'm not content with the details.  So I grumble.  I thought of the children of Israel who had daily "manna" in the desert, but they got tired of it and complained.  They began to say that it would be better for them to be back in slavery in Egypt where they had better things to eat.  We are most likely all guilty of doing something similar at one time or another.

This has all been a really good reminder for me to be grateful - always!  I know that I can "practice" gratefulness.  I can choose it.  God doesn't "give" gratefulness to us - we choose it.  It's not a feeling - it's a choice.  I can build a habit of gratefulness.  Paul said in Philippians that he had "learned" to be content!  We can "catch" ourselves when we begin to grumble, repent of the bad attitude, and start again with hearts of gratitude......learning, like Paul, to be content.

On hard days (which I seem to have a lot of on this unexpected journey), I have been training myself to not focus on the hard things but, instead, to thank Him for anything and everything I can think of to be grateful for.  I start with the basics.....having a home, having food and clothing, being able to pay all the bills, being surrounded with friends who love and help me, being able to look at the beauty of God's creation out my window.  I try to start the day with being grateful for at least one thing......and let it grow from there.  In seasons when I struggled with this, I kept a gratitude journal.  Every time I thought of something to be grateful for, I wrote it down.  It was amazing how quickly the pages filled up.

The last few days we've had the most beautiful full moon at night.  I've stood at the window looking at it and worshipped the Lord.  If I'm not careful, it's easy to miss the daily "small" things to thank Him for!  I don't want to do that.  We also have the most beautiful spring flowers this year.  I thank the Lord continually for them as I drive around.

Being grateful is not just good for our souls and our walk with the Lord, it's also good for our health!  I read an article that listed the benefits to our body of being grateful.  It reduces stress.  It helps us sleep better.  It improves our cardiovascular health.  It boosts our immunity.  These were just a few of the things that were mentioned. It makes sense that God would want to bless our physical health through the practice of thankfulness!

In a world that is filled with negativity, we can impact our own well-being and also the world around us by being grateful for God's goodness to us - in things both large and small!

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all things through Him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:12,13 

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him.  Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness."  Colossians 2:7

"Give thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."  Ephesians 5:20

Having a grateful heart gets my focus off of myself and my problems - and back on the Lord.  Gratitude invites His presence into my day.  It brings fresh strength as I remind myself of His goodness, His grace, and His provision.  Gratitude sends the enemy fleeing because He doesn't like worship and praise.  Gratitude is a powerful spiritual weapon - and it's also a key to releasing God's provision into our day.  Thank you, Lord, that you provided this wonderful gift for us to choose and walk in.