Letting Go of My Weights

I read a story recently about the army of Alexander the Great.  His troops had experienced one victory after another.....but they had become so weighted down with plunder from those victories, that they were in danger of losing their ability to keep fighting effectively.  Alexander directed that the spoils be thrown into a heap and burned!!!  You can imagine that there was much complaining.  But it was effective.  Without the weight they had been carrying, they went on to victory after victory.  "It was as if wings had been given to them."

This story reminded me of how important it is to not let "things of this world" weigh me down.  I must continually give any weight I carry to the Lord.  It's a daily process.  As I do this, He will lift the burdens from my heart and help me persevere and endure.  I'm so grateful for His help in keeping my spirit light!

"Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up.  And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."  Hebrews 12:1

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2,3

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."  Philippians 4:8

"Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith."  1 Peter 5:8,9

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."  Zephaniah 3:17

As I've been writing this, I've been thinking of all the "weights" the Lord has taken from me these last 8 years.  I would not have been able to keep going if the Lord hadn't carried the heavy weights.  He has been so faithful!  I am grateful for His loving care.  I am still standing, and able to face whatever is still ahead because of His goodness in helping me on this long journey!

A family member recently sent me some very old family photos.  Some were of my mother as a young woman.  Her husband died in surgery, and she was left with 4 children to raise on her own.  A few months later her father, who she was very close to, died.  She had a hard life!  I've always admired her walk with the Lord and her depth of prayer.  I think it was born out of her difficult situations.  It's no wonder she prayed a lot - she had to to keep going!

When she married my dad and I came along, I grew up watching my mother turn to the Lord time and time again in hard times.  I observed her faith and her prayer life.  She "mentored" me by her example.  When I've faced difficult times, I've known what to do because I saw how my mother had responded when faced with tragedy, financial challenges, family struggles.  I saw how God helped her and met her needs time and time again.

I read a poem recently:

"Sow a thought, and you reap an act;

Sow an act, and you reap a habit;

Sow a habit, and you reap a character;

Sow a character, and you reap a destiny."

Our responses in the simple, everyday events of our lives shape us into who we are - and who we will be as life goes on.  It's not just one big forever choice....it's many, many choices along the way.

I look back over my life and see how God was shaping and forming me from my early childhood on.  Without that forming in my life, I don't think I could have withstood the recent difficult years.  He prepared me for my "destiny.” 

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."  Psalm 139:14

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations."  Jeremiah 1:5

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."  Ephesians 2:10

"But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand."  Isaiah 64:8

"Know that the Lord, He is God!  It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture."  Psalm 100:3

"Character is formed by making choices in one direction."  I am so grateful for God's hand on my life in helping me make choices towards Him.  He has lovingly prepared me for the things I have faced.  I could not have made it without His guiding hand.  He is so faithful!

Little by Little

I continue to feel like I face a mountain of things to do.  Most days I chip away at the mountain, and just do what I can.  But some days the mountain seems to loom over me in such a way that it feels impossible.  On one such day I read an old devotional from "Our Daily Bread" that encouraged me.

A little boy with a small shovel was trying to clear a path of deep snow in front of his house.  A man came by and asked how someone as small as him could expect to complete such a big task.  The boy looked with confidence at the man and said "little by little, that's how!"

I love that story.  It encourages me to tackle my "mountain" the same way - little by little.  Doing what I can, when I can - little by little - is a strategy for victory!

This was an important reminder for me when I hurt my back a few days ago.  I was stopped in my tracks by the pain.  My first response was to think of it as such a big setback......but then I was reminded of the little by little.  Whatever the "little" was for the day, that's all I had to do.  The discouragement I was feeling because of the setback was lifted, and I carried on.

Lessons like this seem "little" in themselves, but I find them so important in persevering.  I'm so grateful for how God speaks to me through them.

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

"If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible with you."  Matthew 17:20

"For nothing will be impossible with God."  Luke 1:37 

I keep thinking of the 5 loaves and 2 fish and how God took the "little" and fed a multitude.  God can take my "little" and work miracles and great things!  I trust Him for that. 

During the years that Floyd was hospitalized, I would stand by his bed and remind him that even though he was in a season of silence his "voice" was still being heard.  I would share testimonies of that with him.  Sometimes he shed a few tears.  Other times he gently smiled.  Often he just listened intently and would try to make sounds to speak.  I know it encouraged him - and it was true.  His "voice" of things he had ministered was ongoing.

Mary Ho, our All Nations International Executive leader, recently visited Malawi.  Several of the leaders there mentioned how Floyd had mentored them, and they were carrying on with what he had taught them.  It was so encouraging to hear this and reminded me again that Floyd's "voice" is still being heard.  I quote below a portion of Mary’s update letter: 

“…but what touched me the most is how it all started…  
Years ago, Rebman, one of our Malawian pioneer leaders, had come to Cape Town seeking work and was living in a cramped shack in the poor Masiphumelele township. He shared how our towering (6 foot 6”) All Nations Founder Floyd McClung would visit him every two days and disciple him. “Papa Floyd would squeeze in and sit on the floor just like us. He understood our African hearts. And he would always wash his own cup before he leaves,” shared Oliver and Rhoda, our very first Malawian pioneer leaders. Rebman knew that he needed to take back to Malawi what Floyd had imparted to him.”

These testimonies speak loud and clear to me of God's goodness and faithfulness.  I was reminded afresh that sometimes the answers to our prayers take time.  We can't give up hope if we don't see immediate answers.  I wish we could see all the ways God is working to answer our prayers.  I think we would be amazed!!

"He is the Rock; His deeds are perfect.  Everything He does is just and fair.  He is a faithful God who does no wrong; how just and upright He is!"  Deuteronomy 32:4

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."  Hebrews 10:23

"Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long."  Psalm 25:4,5

"I have set the Lord always before me.  Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."  Psalm 16:8

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11 

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  Psalm 143:8

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."  Hebrews 11:1

I am so grateful to the Lord.  He is mindful of every prayer we pray!!  And He is working on our behalf to answer those prayers.  He is so faithful.

An Overwhelmed Juggler

Have you ever watched a juggler?  They may use balls, apples, bowling pins, or even eggs.  They start with a couple, and pretty soon they're juggling a whole bunch of the items - keeping them going in the air without any of them falling.

That's kinda how I feel right now.  I've got so many things going on that I feel like I'm juggling them all - and hoping that none of them fall!  I never signed up for the circus, so this feels totally outside of my skill set.

I was asking the Lord for wisdom and help with these things.....and the words of an old, old song came to my mind:

One day at a time, sweet Jesus

That's all I'm asking of You.

Just give me the strength to do every day

What I have to do.

Yesterday's gone, sweet Jesus

And tomorrow may never be mine.

God help me today

Show me the way

One day at a time.

That's been my prayer!!  I find it's easy to get overwhelmed with all the things I'm juggling, but if I break it down to one thing at a time, one day at a time.....it helps me receive His strength and grace.  I'm trying to do this!  I learned that the most balls someone juggled was 24 - the average was 16.  I don't have near that many, so I should be able to make it. :)

"I am the Lord, the God of all mankind.  Is anything too hard for me?"  Jeremiah 32:27

"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' " Matthew 19:26

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

"Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you."  Mark 11:24

"Ah Lord God!  Behold, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm!  Nothing is too difficult for you."  Jeremiah 32:17

A friend sent me this quote from Corrie ten Boom:

"The wonderful thing about praying is that you leave a world of not being able to do something, and enter God's realm where everything is possible.  He specializes in the impossible.  Nothing is too great for His almighty power.  Nothing is too small for His love."

I'm so grateful that God is mindful of each thing I'm juggling - both great and small......and He is helping me.  I live in His "realm where everything is possible" because of who He is.  He is my constant, faithful help!

I can't believe that tomorrow is Oct.  This year has just flown by!

In my full week of juggling, a couple things were particularly intense and challenging.  I committed them to the Lord beforehand, and as I walked through them I could so sense the Lord's presence with me.  I felt wrapped in His presence - almost like I could reach out and touch His arms, His love surrounding me.

I know I've shared similarly before, but it never ceases to amaze me.  He is a refuge for me when I go through the intense things.  He brings breakthroughs to me.  His grace is enough for each challenge.  He has carried me over and over and over again.  I continually find my peace and rest in Him.

As I experienced this in these past few days, a friend sent me a video clip about His presence.  It was a timely  confirmation of God's sweet presence with me.  He never leaves us alone.  He walks with us through each and every situation we encounter.  My heart sings with joy for this wonderful promise!

"He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."  Psalm 91:4

"Why are you  in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence."  Psalm 42:5 

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

"My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest."  Exodus 33:14

"For in Him we live and move and have our being."  Acts 17:28

"You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."  Psalm 16:11

I am so grateful for the Lord's presence in my life - both on a daily basis, and especially in times of need.  I couldn't make it without Him!  He is so good and faithful.

He Will Carry Us Through Hard Times

Some recent events have touched the tender spot in my heart of missing Floyd.  I heard someone say that the heart may heal, but the scar never goes away.  I think that tender spot is my scar.  Life doesn't come with a guidebook, but the heart does heal......it just takes time and leaves a little scar.  Every once in a while the scar gets ripped off and I miss Floyd intensely.  I know it's all part of the healing process.  It was the Queen herself who said "grief is the price we pay for love."  I'm glad to have loved well even if the grief comes every now and then.

Because I'm still needing to be isolated, I'm on my own a lot.  One of the questions I often get asked is if I feel alone - if I'm lonely.  The answer is yes, I definitely have times when I feel that way.  But - the key the Lord has taught me is to take those feelings to Him immediately!!  I can't let them take root in my heart, or they'll become destructive.   

It's the same when I have anxiety about something - or fear for the future.  I can't allow those feelings to stay.  God has clearly spoken to me to take my aloneness, my anxiety, my fear to Him right away.  When I do - He comes rushing in with His strength and grace to help me.  He is my companion.  He never leaves me alone.  He holds my future in the palm of His hands.  He has comfort to give for every anxious moment I have.

When I get into trouble is if I let those things linger in my heart and mind!  If that happens, they grow and multiply and take over my emotions.  I have to take them to the Lord right away.  When I do that, He faithfully, graciously, lovingly meets me with all I need.  He understands and He helps me.

Recently something was bothering me.  I was giving it to the Lord, but having a hard time receiving His help.  The verse from the Song of Solomon 2:4 came to me - "His banner over me is love."  I could see in my mind's eye a beautiful rainbow over me filled with hearts of love.  It covered everything around me, and the hearts were dropping onto me.  His love and help for me was abundant!!  That verse and image helped me receive His love and the help that I needed.

"I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38,39 

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  2 Corinthians 12:9

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

"Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

I am so very, very grateful that God is with me 24/7.  I miss Floyd, but I'm not alone.  My precious Lord is with me continually.  Sometimes I just need to quieten my heart to be aware of that.  I am so grateful for His loving presence.

I was speaking with a friend who has gone through a long season of trials.  My friend shared that it's been impossible to understand everything that has happened - but in surrendering it all to the Lord, some clarity is coming.  There is the beginning of seeing some of the Lord's purposes in it.

I could so relate to what my friend shared.  We may never understand "everything" that has happened in our trials, but we can rest assured that God is working to bring good from them.  I've seen that over and over again these past few years.  

I frequently hear from family and friends who are still puzzled by what happened to Floyd.  I don't have the answers.  But I do have a deep assurance that God's hand was upon the process.  I saw many good things that came from those years - hard though they were!  I think only eternity will reveal all that was happening during those years.

One thing that is very hard about trials is wondering how long they will last!!  We can't predict the end of them - and we can't control the hard things that are happening.  I find myself in that situation in the ongoing battle with cancer.  I have no idea what is ahead!  Some days are hard.  My comfort is knowing I can continually call upon the Lord for help!  God helps me persevere.  I couldn't keep going without His help.

Someone sent me a song called "The Night Song."  It's lovely to play before going to bed at night......but I play it through the day too.  "All this day your hand has held me - God of heaven by my side - Thank you Father for your goodness - You will hold me through the night."  He is with us in whatever our "night" may be.  He is continually WITH us, by our side.  I love the soothing comfort of truth of this song. 

I am so grateful that God is with us in stressful times.  He is right by our side in whatever we face!  He helps us get through each and every hard situation.  I am keenly aware that we will never be without hard times on this earth - but we will always be carried through the hard times by our loving Father.  That brings such peace to my heart to know He'll help me with whatever comes my way.

"Consider it all joy...when you encounter various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2,3

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.  Be self-controlled and alert."  1 Peter 5:7,8

" 'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you."  Isaiah 54:10

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

"The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him."  2 Chronicles 16:9

He is aware of everything that is happening in our lives.  He is mindful of what help we need.  He is continually by our side - extending grace, strength, help, comfort, and anything else we need.  He is an awesome, wonderful, faithful God!

To Lay My Crown at His Feet

This past week Queen Elizabeth died.  I have been following the events surrounding her passing.  I have been saddened in a way that surprised me - I think because I admired her.  She was a faithful woman.  She made a commitment, a vow - and she dutifully lived it out to her last day.  She made mistakes along the way, but she learned and grew through them.  She loved the Lord, and she leaned into Him in hard times.  I will miss her, her example.  She seemed to have been suffering physically in recent times, so I'm glad she's no longer suffering.  She once told a chaplain that she wished the Lord would come in her lifetime.  When asked why she said, "I should so love to lay my crown at His feet."  She is worshipping before Him now.

Also during these "quiet" weeks I have had to deal with some stressful things.  Some days were very intense.  I mentioned this to a friend, and she shared an acronym with me that I love.

J - just

E - enough

S - strength

U - under 

S - stress

Jesus truly comes and give us the strength we need when times of stress come.  I have experienced that, and I am so grateful for His help and faithfulness!  I couldn't make it without Him.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea."  Psalm 46:1,2 

"I am like an olive tree, flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever."  Psalm 52:8

"The Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."  Romans 8:26

*** How many, many times I have been grateful that the Spirit intercedes for me!!!!

"As for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." Micah 7:7

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

As I write this, my heart is full of worship for His grace, strength, and help.

His Endless Stack of Promises

I had a giggle yesterday - maybe more like a laugh.  Because I live alone, I talk out loud to God all day long.  No need to communicate silently because it's just Him and me here.  I was pouring out my heart to the Lord, when I suddenly thought how it would sound if someone overheard me.  They might wonder about my sanity - or they might think I was saying all the things about myself!  I had a good laugh - and continued my communication.  It's a delight to be able to pray and sing aloud all through the day and night to our wonderful God.  I sense His sweet presence with me.

Some people say to me that they could never face the trials I've had - that they don't have it in them.  I've realized that, on our own, none of us can endure the trials of life.  But, when they come, as we press in to the Lord - He pours out strength, a deep inner strength that helps us get through the hard times.

I love this verse:  "I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being."  Ephesians 3:16 

From His power and might, His riches, He pours strength into our inner being.  We may feel that we're dry as the desert, but He meets us with the rain of His strength and gives us inner strength.  When the pressures, the trials, come - He sustains us from within so that we don't crumble under the weight of the trials.

I look back over the last 8 years and see how God has stretched and strengthened my inner being.  I couldn't have survived otherwise.  His power in me, the inner strength He has built, is greater than any of the pressure, trials, and troubles around me.

"To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore!"  Jude 1:24,25 

"The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:7

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2,3

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.' "  Isaiah 41:13

"He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:14

"Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always."  Psalm 105:4

"For nothing is impossible with God."  Luke 1:37

"I have set the Lord always before me.  Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."  Psalm 16:8

As we press into Him in the midst of our trials, He increases our inner strength that draws from His strength.....and we will not be shaken!  Whatever life throws at us, God is with us and increases our ability to handle what comes our way.  His power in us is made perfect in our weakness!

Growing up in Galveston, Texas my mother and I were at church pretty much every time the doors were open for a service.  Important foundations were built in my life during those early years - things that have stayed with me for decades.  I'm amazed that I'll remember something from my childhood seemingly 'out of the blue.'  A thought, a song, an experience, a memory, a testimony will come to mind just when I need it.

That happened this week.  I had some hard things to deal with.  As I was pressing through and dealing with each one - a song came into my mind that we often sang in our church when I was a young girl.

"Standing on the promises of Christ my King,

Through eternal ages let His praises ring,

Glory in the highest, I will shout and sing,

Standing on the promises of God.

Standing, standing, standing on the promises of God my Savior,

Standing, standing, I'm standing on the promises of God.

Standing on the promises that cannot fail,

When the howling storms of doubt and fear assail,

By the living Word of God I shall prevail,

Standing on the promises of God."

As that song went through my mind, I pictured those promises being like a solid rock that I cling to.  I could hold onto it when the storms come.  His promises are strong and secure.  I've been singing the song all week.

Then this morning I woke up with another one, I think from my Sunday School days:

"Every promise in the book is mine,

Every chapter, every verse, every line,

All are blessings of His love divine,

Every promise in the book is mine."

With this song I saw a stack of books in my mind's eye - every book representing a promise.  The stack was huge - higher than I could hardly see.  The numbers vary according to how they're counted, but the general consensus is that there are up to 8,810 promises.  That's a lot of promises that we can stand on!!

I thought of a few that are particularly meaningful to me:

- His mercies are new every morning.  Lamentations 3:22,23 

-  His grace is sufficient for every need - and His power is made perfect in our weakness.  2 Corinthians 12:9

-  His plans are to give us a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

-  If we are weary and burdened, He will give us rest.  Matthew 11:28,29

-  When we are weak, He will help us with new strength.  We will run and not be weary - walk and not faint.  Isaiah 40:29-31

-  He gives a peace that the world can't give.  John 14:27

-  He will supply every need - He's my provider.  Philippians 4:19

-  He will hold us with His righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

-  He will never leave us or forsake us.  Deuteronomy 31:6

-  If we lack wisdom, He will give it.  James 1:5

-  He is the God who heals us.  Exodus 15:26

-  He is my husband.  Isaiah 54:5

-  He gives power to the faint.  Isaiah 40:29

-  He shows us the way to walk.  Isaiah 30:21

-  I'm never alone.  Joshua 1:5, 9

-  He is my protector.  Psalm 18:2-4

The list could go on and on!  And "He who promised is faithful!"  Hebrews 10:23

My heart was encouraged this week as I thought of all the wonderful promises of the Lord.  There is a promise for anything we will face.  He knew what we'd need, and He promised to provide for that need.  How good He is!  I rest secure in His loving care.

Our Faithful Burden Bearer

In dealing with unanswered prayers, it was shared at her memorial service that Joy Dawson said "I will not insult God with unbelief."  I've been "chewing" on that.  It's a simple statement, but a very profound one.  God never promised us that He'd answer every single prayer we uttered, but He has promised us over and over again in the Word that we can have friendship, fellowship, and intimacy with Him.  However, that relationship with Him will be hindered if our hearts are filled with any unbelief.

One of my treasures from the last 8 difficult years is the precious fellowship I've had with the Lord.  I've had to cling to Him in the midst of the difficulties and challenges.  He has been my Rock, my Anchor, my Shelter as I've walked through the storms.  He has held my hand, He has whispered encouragement into my heart, and He has guided my steps when I've not known the way to go.  His mercies have been new every morning.  His power has been made perfect in my utter weakness.  His grace has been more than sufficient for every need.  He has filled my heart so full to overflowing with His goodness that there is no room for doubt or unbelief.  He has been so, so good to me!

When we don't see immediate answers to prayer - or even more importantly, answers to prayers that we have lifted up for months, even years - the enemy loves to come and whisper his lies in our ears.  Lies that God doesn't care, and that He's incapable of answering our prayers.  He'll say it in subtle ways, but he'll do his best to lure us away from the Father.  That's why we have to continually press into the Lord in our relationship - come what may!  We can't allow any opening, any foothold for unbelief to enter in.

A powerful protection is proclaiming the promises of the Word - declaring them to ourselves and to the enemy.  I have found that singing songs of worship of who God is lifts my emotions and my spirit when I'm feeling low.  Speaking and singing the truth of who God is defeats the whispers of the enemy.....and fills any crack where unbelief could enter in. 

I can't honestly say right at this moment that I would willingly go through these last difficult years again - the pain is a little too fresh still I think.  But I can say with absolute sureness that I wouldn't have wanted to miss the richness of fellowship that has come as I've had to press into the Lord over and over again in the midst of the pain.  The intimacy with Him is a precious gift that I wouldn't have wanted to miss.  I am beyond grateful for His closeness.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:13 

"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."  Ephesians 3:16-19

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!"  Psalm 34:8

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds."  2 Corinthians 10:3,4

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you."  Psalm 63:5

With promises such as these, there is no room for any unbelief in our hearts.  God is good and faithful and will be by our side whatever we face!

I was chatting with a friend this week about the burdens on our hearts.  Between us we had a number of burdens we are carrying - for family and for friends.  Needs.  Concerns.  Problems we're trying to solve.  Anxieties.  Decisions.  Protection.  Difficulties.  Trials.  Loss.  Illness.  Grief.  Financial hardship.  Trauma.  Broken relationships.  Marital tensions.  The list is long - the weights seem heavy.

We then began to talk about giving our burdens to the Lord.  He tells us to do that.  He knows we can't carry them - it's too much for us.  Every day, sometimes several times a day, I give my burdens to the Lord.  I speak them out, one by one.  I confess to the Lord how they weigh me down.  I ask Him to take them from my heart and mind.  When they come back - I give them to Him again.

Some years ago I was so heavy hearted with burdens.  I gave them to the Lord, but they would bounce back into my heart and into my thinking.  I read the verse about "casting our burdens" on the Lord.  As an physical act of what I was doing spiritually, I took a small throw pillow and threw it across the room.  It was symbolic to me of what I was wanting to do in giving my burdens to the Lord.  Every time I was tempted to take them back, I remembered throwing that pillow. :)

I'm so grateful that the Lord invites us to give our burdens to Him.  His shoulders are big enough to carry our cares!  And He clearly invites us, instructs us even, to give them to Him.  He cares for us and doesn't want us carrying the burdens.

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved."  Psalm 55:22 

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for us."  1 Peter 5:7

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6

"Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"  Matthew 6:27

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears."  Psalm 34:4

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him."  Romans 8:28 

There have been times when I've felt like one of those big cargo ships with hundreds of containers stacked on it.  My burdens felt so big, so numerous, so heavy.  Then I realized I'm carrying them, and not giving them to the Lord.

At other times I've felt like I'm trying to walk in a mud pit, but I'm not getting anywhere.  Or running a never-ending marathon.  Any of these types of feelings reveal that we're not giving our burdens to the Lord.  They are robbing us of joy, peace, and freedom.

I take time to mention each burden, speak it out, as I give it to the Lord.  I quote the verses where God tells us to give Him our burdens.  There have been times when I can feel the weights being lifted from my heart and mind as I do this.  He is a faithful burden bearer.  He wants us to give our burdens to Him.  I'm so grateful for that!

Nevertheless

Last week was an intense week.  I was not feeling well, there were many things needing my attention and my energy was so low, it was hard.

In the midst of everything, the Lord spoke a special word into my heart.  It was so encouraging and helped me rest in His care.  I love how He does that!  There's nothing quite like having Him speak to us.

A friend also shared a verse with me that became my prayer.  "Honor me by trusting in me in your day of trouble.  Cry aloud to me, and I will be there to rescue you."  Psalm 50:15 TPT  God was truly with me in my day of trouble!

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"  Psalm 27:1

"So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.' "  Hebrews 13:6

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."  Psalm 62:8 

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

"Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way.  The Lord be with all of you."  2 Thessalonians 3:16

If you've been reading my posts for a while, you know how I look for God to speak to me through His creation.  I had a special treat this morning.  As I opened the window shade on my kitchen window, there was a row of peacocks at my fence.  They were marching one-by-one, in a row (normally they would be scattered haphazardly over the field) with their heads all turned towards me.  It felt like they were "saluting" me.  I received it as a greeting for my birthday. :)  I always love seeing them, but this was extra special.

I was also hoping for sunshine today, but the forecast was for rain.  However, the rain came during the night and this morning the sun is shining.  That is a special gift to me!  I receive these special gifts from God's creation.  They mean a lot to me. 

When Joy Dawson passed away recently, her daughter mentioned to me that Joy was puzzled by the unanswered prayers she had lifted up.  In fact, she herself had suffered terrible pain for 35 years and had not been healed.  She was a powerful intercessor, and yet she had prayers that were never answered.  She would say, "He's a God of mystery."

I've been thinking a lot about this.  It brought me back to the prayer of Jesus before He went to the cross.  "Father, if it is your will, take this cup away from me; nevertheless not my will, but yours, be done."  Luke 22:42  That "nevertheless" is so important as we pray.  Even Jesus didn't get His prayer answered......but He was willing to trust the Father as to what was best......leaving the outcome to Him.

A friend of mine said - it's the "nevertheless" in our prayers that puts us at ease.  We can pray and pray and pray, but "nevertheless" His will be done.  It doesn't stop our petitioning God for the answers we want, but knowing the outcome is in His faithful, trustworthy hands gives us great comfort.

I'm sure we've all had "nevertheless" prayers that didn't get answered.  Someday God will explain to us His plan and purpose in those prayers.  In the meantime, we trust in His goodness, wisdom, and faithfulness.  He is worthy of our trust.  He knows what is best.

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28 

"Thanks be to God!  He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."  1 Corinthians 15:57

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  Proverbs 3:5

"How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 36:7

"What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?"  Romans 8:31

"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."  Psalm 63:8

As I lift up prayers to the throne today, I am secure in the "nevertheless" His will will be done.  I trust Him.

Adjusting My Sails

Through all the years of battling cancer, I've had a steady, sweet, God-given peace.  It's a "peace that passes understanding," that defies explanation except that it comes from Him.  He has flooded my soul with an assurance that I'm in His capable hands.

When I got the results of recent testing and learned that my tumor had grown and the surrounding organs were in danger of being negatively impacted - things began to change.  Every time something happened physically, I would feel anxious.  My peace was definitely under attack and being threatened.

After several times of this happening, I began to understand.  I needed to go back to the Lord for a fresh peace.  The new information needed to be submitted to the Lord.  I needed to submit myself afresh to the Lord.  I needed to once again put myself into His hands, trusting Him come what may.

Once I did this, my peace was restored and the anxious thoughts were put away.  What a difference it made!  I still don't know what's ahead, but my trust in the Lord is securely anchored in Him.  I'm so grateful for His peace.

There's an old song that I've sung many times these last 8 years:

"Peace, peace wonderful peace,

Coming down from the Father above!

Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray

In fathomless billows of love!"

I've sung it standing by Floyd's bed.  I've sung it driving home from the hospital with tears streaming down my face.  I've sung it laying weak in bed from cancer treatment.  I've sung it as I've grieved losing Floyd.  The simple prayer of the song always ministers peace to my soul as I let the waves of His love and grace wash over me.

"What a treasure I have in this wonderful peace,

Buried deep in the heart of my soul,

So secure that no power can mine it away,

While the years of eternity roll!"

"I am resting tonight in this wonderful peace,

Resting sweetly in Jesus' control;

For I'm kept from all danger by night and by day,

And His glory is flooding my soul!"

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."  Psalm 4:8

"May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way."  2 Thessalonians 3:16

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."  Isaiah 26:3

"The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:7

"The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace."  Psalm 29:11

I am so grateful for the blessing of His peace.  It is a precious treasure that only He can give.  It truly does pass our human understanding.  It can only come from our wonderful, faithful Lord.

Another dear saint has gone to be with Jesus.  Joy Dawson passed away in the early morning of Thursday, July 21.  She was 96 years old.  Joy had an impact on all of us as leaders in the early days of YWAM.  Her teaching on the Ways of God and on Intercession helped shape us.

Floyd would sometimes tell stories in his sermons of how Joy spoke into his life at key times.  He was so grateful for her input.  I'll never forget one of her sermons - "It's How You Finish That Counts."  Floyd and I talked about it and set our hearts, no matter what happened in life, to finish well.  

Floyd and Joy both finished well.  I can imagine that they are worshipping Jesus together now in heaven!

A friend of mine was shopping in a garden store for plants recently.  She found a pot that she decided she had to buy.  It said "We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails." 

I think that says a lot about how we go through life.  The winds come - in so many different ways!  Whether we want them to or not, the winds blow in and buffet us.  Sickness, sadness, loss, disappointment, financial challenges, conflict - at unwanted, unexpected moments those "winds" come.  Of course there can be some good winds that help us sail along smoothly too.  We all long for those winds. 

We don't have control over the winds - but we can adjust our "sails" with God's help to weather the winds and keep going.  God has been so gracious in helping me to do that with all the winds that have come my way.  I'm so grateful.  He has been with me in the midst of a lot of stormy winds.

 "Look to the Lord for His strength; see His face always."  1 Chronicles 16:11

"Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:39

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save."  Zephaniah 3:17

"God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.  There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."  Revelation 21:4

"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long."  Deuteronomy 33:12

"We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul - not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.  It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy."  Colossians 1:11 The Message

When the winds come, He helps us adjust the sails.....and He turns the storms into joy as He walks beside us.....helping us to "finish well."

Our Times Are in His Hands

With so many outward pressures (health issues, load shedding, cold weather, family concerns, ministry needs), it’s easy to focus on the problems.  The Lord has been reminding me to instead focus on developing my inner strength.  I can’t rely on what’s been developed in the past.  I must focus on continually, daily developing my inner strength in Him.  

I love the Lord and have a sweet relationship with Him.  But I can’t “rest” on that.  I need to press in more and more so that when life’s burdens are heavy I won’t falter.  His power in me is greater than the pressures around me.

I’ve often referred to holding onto His hand, which we especially need to do when we face the pressures of life.  We do that by communicating with Him through our day as we face the pressures - being real and honest about what we are facing.  We proclaim the promises of the Word.  We worship and thank Him for His faithfulness.  We trust Him to help and guide us.  We confess our fears.  We cast our burdens on Him.  We resist the enemy.  As we cling tightly to Him in these ways, our inner strength is built up and we can face the outward pressures.  He will direct our steps, and guide us in His ways.

“I pray that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man.”  Ephesians 3:16

“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.”  2 Corinthians 4:16

“A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.”  Proverbs 16:9

“The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”  Zephaniah 3:17

“A man’s steps are directed by the Lord.  How then can anyone understand his own way?”  Proverbs 20:24

I confess that I usually don’t know “the way” ahead.  I need God’s help and wisdom.  I’m pressing in to Him and asking Him to strengthen my inner man as I face the problems and issues in life.  He is always faithful to help me!

My heart was saddened this week when Beni Johnson passed away after a prolonged battle with cancer.  Beni was the wife of Bill Johnson.  They co-pastored Bethel Church in Redding, Calif.

I started following her journey after she was diagnosed with cancer in 2018.  She sought out some holistic treatments, and I was curious to see how it went.  If I understand correctly, she had a period of remission before the cancer returned.  She had been undergoing chemo treatment until recently when they felt they should stop as the treatment wasn't working.  She went into hospice care at home.

Thousands, probably hundreds of thousands, of people had been lifting her up in prayer.  It reminded me of when so many people were praying for Floyd's healing.  It also reminded me that, ultimately, our "times" are in God's hands.  He chooses healing or heaven.  Bill said she is now "healthy and free."

My heart went out to Bill in losing his life partner.  I know what that feels like.  I have been praying for him, for their 3 children, their 11 grandchildren, and for the whole congregation.  I pray for God to comfort them in their grief and loss.

Meanwhile I continue to pray for a healing miracle in my body.  I'm asking for a "suddenly" of healing and restoration.  I trust His wisdom, I trust whatever comes to pass......but I'm asking!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth:  it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.  You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.  Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.  This will be for the Lord's renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever."  Isaiah 55:8-13

This is one of my favorite passages of scripture.  It always speaks to me of trusting God's thoughts, His ways.  He is good, true, and faithful.  In all times, we can trust Him.

When Beni first got sick, she asked the Lord what she should do.  He responded - "Just love me."  I think that's what God wants all of us to do in the ups and downs of life - just stay close to Him and love Him.

Carried by His Joy

I have always been intrigued by the "suddenlys" in the Bible.  Things are going along, and suddenly there is a change or something happens.  It may be at the word of the Lord or by a move of the spirit, but suddenly everything is different.  It seems there are between 87 and 167 occurrences of a suddenly, depending on how it's translated.  That's a lot!   I think God is pointing out that what seemed impossible can be made possible when He breaks into a situation with His power and might.  God shows up and instantly things are changed.

There are different words used, different meanings - in an instant, to disturb, to hasten, speedily, quickly, to flee, to be in trepidation - but all mean suddenly! 

One of my favorites is from Acts 16:26 - "Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened, and everyone's bonds were loosened."

Can you imagine what a shock that was?  Wow - quite a suddenly!

I also love Acts 2:2 - "Suddenly there came from the sky a sound like the rushing of a mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting."

The Spirit filling the whole house must have been amazing!  I'm always blessed when I sense the Spirit in my midst - whether alone or in a gathering.

Because I love Christmas so much, I love the passage in Luke 2:13,14 - "Suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly army praising God and saying 'Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom His favor rests.' "

The shepherds must have been awestruck!

As I've been studying these passages in both the New and Old Testaments, I've been praying for my own suddenly - that God would come suddenly with His healing power in my body.  That He would suddenly reverse the tumor growth!  It's a big ask, but I'm asking.

"Suddenly will my righteousness come near, and my salvation will be shining out like the light."  Isaiah 51:5

I read the phrase somewhere "Christlike in the crisis."  That's what I'm praying for!  May God help my heart, my attitude, my responses to be Christlike in everything I'm facing. 

During one of the load shedding times this week, I listened to a podcast.  The speaker was addressing trauma and its impact on us.  He spoke specifically of the pandemic, but applied the principles to other traumas as well.  He warned against the accumulation of disappointments in our lives - not dealing with them - and how that can be destructive. 

I appreciated what he shared.  When I was laying in bed after load shedding that night, I reflected on the podcast.  I was struck by the fact that I've come through 8 years of trauma, and I'm not carrying a heavy load in my heart from those years.  I realized God has helped me time by time to take things to Him.  He lifted the weights from my heart, and tenderly carried me through each situation, each hard time, each disappointment, each trauma.  He has sustained me!  He has been so good to me.

I laid in bed and had the sweetest time of worship - thanking the Lord for His goodness, His grace, and His mercy to me.  I am so, so grateful that He has been with me each day of those 8 years.  I thought back to specific instances that were so hard.....times when I had cried buckets of tears.....times when I didn't think I could keep going.....times when I felt so alone without Floyd.....times when I didn't know what to do.....times when I was so weak physically.  God met me in His faithfulness in each instance.  I could never have survived without His great love and care.  A friend commented - He has been my "trauma absorber."

As I come back to my present situation - I have concerns about my health.  I'm not sure what's ahead.  I truly have to live one-day-at-a-time and take care of myself in that day.  But I've also become aware that there is a sweet joy of the Lord surrounding me.  I feel I'm being carried by His joy - which is my strength.  He is with me in the midst of this ongoing affliction.  He helps me keep my eyes on Him.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 

"Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."  Nehemiah 8:10

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  Romans 15:13

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace...."  Galatians 5:22

My heart is overflowing with gratitude to the Lord - for His sustaining grace these 8 years.....and for His joy in these present days.  He is beyond good and faithful - He is my everything!

He Has Been With Me

A book I was reading recently said that one of the ways to increase our faith as we pray is to thank the Lord for past answers to prayer.  This led to a special time of reflection for me in doing just that.  My list is long, but here are a few highlights from recent years that I'm grateful for:

-  During the same time that Floyd was sick and hospitalized, I was battling cancer with surgeries and chemo treatments.  Meanwhile, I was overseeing and organizing all his care.  Looking back, I honestly don't know how I managed all that!  There is no explanation except that God carried me and sustained me.  He must have had angels working overtime to help me.

-  I was reading back over some of my notes from the early months of Floyd's care.  After his initial 6 weeks in ICU and a further 3 weeks in the hospital ward, I needed to find a longer term facility to move him to.  A friend helped me with researching options.  It was overwhelming.  There was a long list of criteria for his care, and almost none could provide all of them.  It was a HUGE answer to prayer when we found the hospital where he eventually ended up.

-  When we moved Floyd there, I didn't understand that they had a time limit for how long he could stay (only 6 weeks).  I appealed to them to allow him to stay longer.  The end result was that they not only allowed him to stay, but they changed their mission statement to include patients like Floyd who needed long term care.  I always said that Floyd would love the fact that even in his illness he was "pioneering" something new!

-  The hospital couldn't have been more perfect.  The nurses lovingly cared for him - singing to him, praying for him, and even sometimes competing for who would be on the schedule to care for him. It brought such peace to my heart to know he was well cared for.

-  There were gaps of time when I couldn't go to Floyd because of the treatment I was undergoing.  I am so, so grateful for the "Care Team" who faithfully went to spend time with him.

-  I am so thankful for all the intercessors who prayed for Floyd and for me.  I don't think we would have made it without those prayers lifting "our weary arms."  If it was only a matter of prayer, Floyd would have certainly been healed.  One friend commented that he didn't think any one person had ever been prayed for so much.

-  I'm grateful that all of Floyd's (and my) medical bills were paid.  When the insurance (medical aid) dropped Floyd's care, I was tempted to panic.  I didn't know how in the world I would be able to cover all the bills.  I remember crying out to the Lord one day, and hearing Him tenderly speak to my heart that Floyd had served him all his life and He wasn't going to abandon him in this season of life.  I’m so grateful to everyone who gave so lovingly and generously towards Floyd's care.  Those gifts lifted a heavy weight from my shoulders.

-  I can't help but thank the Lord for the peace that enveloped Floyd in his hospital room.  It's hard to even imagine what it was like for Floyd to be trapped in his condition.  But there was a peace and sense of God's presence with him that was almost tangible.  Even the hospital staff commented on it.

-  There were several occasions when I almost didn't make it through all the treatment I was going through.  I remember one time in particular,  I was so weak that I could hardly speak to pray.  This was another time when God so tenderly spoke to me.  He reminded me that I was in His hands.....my "time" was in His hands.  I could relax and trust Him.  It brought such peace and assurance to my heart.

-  While this was all taking place, quite a few of our extended family were going through severe trials.  I didn't share these because they weren't my story to tell, but there were times when it felt like our whole family was under assault.  Thankfully, God graciously brought us all through these times. 

-  I am fairly frequently asked if I understand what happened to Floyd - why he got sick, why didn't God heal him, why did he suffer for so long.  I don't have the answers to those questions.  I've had a few "inklings" about some of it, but I don't even know if those are right.  We'll have to wait until heaven to fully understand.  But I do have to say that God gave me special grace to not worry about those questions.  I was able to trust Him, and put Floyd into His loving care.  I know that was an answer to prayer because I'm usually one who wants to understand things!!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6 

"Without faith it is impossible to please God.....and He rewards those who earnestly seek him."  Hebrews 11:6

"Truly God has listened; He has attended to the voice of my prayer."  Psalm 66:19

"I will give you thanks, for you answered me."  Psalm 118:21

"I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy."  Psalm 116:1

This list is literally just the tip of the iceberg of wonderful answers to prayer that I've seen - both in recent years and throughout my life.  The list is LONG!  Wonderfully long. 

This time of thanking the Lord for His answers throughout my life has built my faith to cope with my news this week that my cancerous tumor has grown.  The doctor’s concern now is that the growth will negatively impact the surrounding organs.  Needless to say, I'm praying for the tumor to shrink. 

I’ve been praying for a healing miracle from the cancer for 8 years.  I’ve seen answers to prayer over that time, but I still have cancer.  It hasn’t gone away.  As I reflected on this most recent disappointing news, I realized that actually nothing has changed.  I’m still going to do everything I can in self care to strive for healing – and I’m going to continue to trust God who has carried me and sustained me over all this time!  I have more information – but I’m going to continue in the same way I’ve been walking.  In short, I’m choosing to persevere!  With God’s help, I’ll keep going.

I may be healed – or I may not.  I may live 1 more day – or 10 more years.  It’s in God’s hands.  I’ll keep asking for the miracle, the answer to prayer - like the widow in the Bible who kept persistently asking the judge for justice against her adversary.  I trust God’s sovereignty over my life come what may.  I’m in His hands – but I’ll keep asking!

God has been with me in all I’ve gone through.  He’s been with me even when it’s seemed He was silent.  He’s been with me when it seemed as if He was roaring like Aslan to keep evil forces at bay.  He’s been with me in tender quiet whispers.  He’s been with me in singing over me.  He’s been with me as He lovingly guided me in hundreds of decisions.  He’s been with me in strength when I felt so incredibly weak.  He’s been with me in my tears as I mourned the loss of my gentle giant.  The point that is so very clear to me right now, today is that He has been WITH me…..and He will continue to be come what may.  Why would I want to go any other way than on the way where He is with me?!  I trust His way.

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.  God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”  Matthew 6:34  The Message

“We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul – not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.  It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy.”  Colossians 1:11 The Message 

 "All who listen to me shall live in peace and safety, unafraid."  Proverbs 1:33 TLB

"Rejoice in the Lord always...Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:4-7

I'm thanking Him for all He's done, and I'm bringing my requests to Him.  I'm grateful for the peace He gives (beyond understanding) as I walk through stressful times.  I have moments of anxiety, but as I turn to Him and share my troubled heart - He always brings me back to a place of peace.  He is faithful!

A Moment of Hope

I've mentioned that winter is hard for me - the cold, wind, rain, the stormy weather, the short days.  It tends to impact my body, and it makes me feel lonely.  Winter is definitely not my favorite season.

But there is one day in winter that I look forward to every year… winter solstice!!  Tuesday this week was our shortest day.  That means we will start getting more sunlight and longer days.  That is exciting.  I heard someone say that winter solstice brings a little more light and with it a moment of hope.  I like that.

Having hope is so important!  It's important to all of us, but especially so if you are going through a difficult time.  We need hope to keep going, to keep pressing forward.  Hope is a simple but powerful tool that God has placed within us.  We have to nourish it.  We have to keep it alive in our hearts.  We have to ask the Lord to fan the flames of hope if it's dying in our hearts.  We have to feed on the promises in the Word that give us hope.  We have to worship the Lord, the giver of all hope.

In hard times there is no middle ground.  We must press into God and stir up hope in our hearts.  If we don't, it's easy to harden our hearts towards Him.  The purpose of suffering and hard times is to produce hope - not to diminish it or destroy it.  Hope for change is what keeps us going.  We serve a God of hope, and He loves to strengthen hope in our hearts.

I could not have made it through these last few years without hope.  On hard days when my hope wavered, I called out to God and He fanned into flame the flickering light of hope in my heart.  He was so faithful!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  Romans 15:13

"By steadfastness and by the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope." Romans 15:4

"Hope that is seen is not hope.  For who hopes for what he already sees.  If we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."  Romans 8:25

"Hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us."  Romans 5:5

"I will hope continually and will praise thee yet more and more."  Psalm 71:14

Being without hope is not a terminal disease.  If our hope wavers, God wants to stir hope alive in our hearts again.  My hope is stirred this week that longer days are coming. :)

During our years in Holland, YWAM purchased a building on one of the main squares in the city - across from the Central Train Station.  Built in 1896, it was the former headquarters of the Salvation Army, but had fallen into the hands of first a cult group and then was used by squatters.  The building was in horrible disrepair.  Over the years we renovated it, and opened it as a ministry center.  I was part of the team working to repair the building many years ago.

Thousands of people, cars, bicycles, tour boats, trams, and buses pass the building daily.  At the top of the building in blue neon lights on one side it said "God Roept U" (God Calls You) - and on the other side it said "Jesus Loves You."

The building sits on one of the entrances into the red light district so it served as a reminder to those entering that God called them to Himself.

We named the building Samaritan's Inn, wanting it to be used as a ministry center to help those in need.  For over 40 years now that has happened in a variety of ways.  I recently received news that a refugee family from Ukraine was welcomed to live in the building in the apartment where we used to live.  That was so special to hear!  The building is still fulfilling its mandate to help those in need.  I know Floyd's heart would be warmed to know this too.  I’m trusting God to minister to them!

"A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers.  They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.  A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.  So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.  But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.  He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine.  Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.  The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, ' and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you have.'  Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?  The expert in the law replied, 'The one who had mercy on him.'  Jesus told him, 'Go and do likewise.' "  Luke 10:30-37

I'm so grateful that the ministry center established so many years ago is continuing to serve in this way.  I sometimes feel helpless to respond to the many refugees from the Ukraine war.  In a very roundabout way, this feels like I've been able to help.

Carried

During this week 8 years ago, my world was turned upside down.  I went to the doctor for a small matter expecting to be given a prescription for some pills to take.  Instead I received some shocking news.  I had an 8.5 pound (3.85 kilos) tumor - the same size as my first child at birth.  The news was unbelievable.  Tests were hurried along.  Surgery was scheduled.  And the results were that it was malignant - I had ovarian cancer.  It was a nightmare.  I didn't realize it at the time, but our unexpected journey had begun!

My first oncologist was efficient in her care, but not very hopeful.  She explained that most of her ovarian cancer patients were gone within 2 years.  She had one lady that made it to 5 years, but that was rare.  A few weeks after surgery, I began a course of chemo treatment.

Meanwhile, we rallied people to pray for me, and I began my own research into other treatments that might be helpful.  Over the coming years I had 8 surgeries, 4 types of chemo treatment, and I worked with an Integrated Functional Medicine specialist who incorporated herbal medicines, massage therapy, and reflexology for my numb feet into my treatment regimen.  

To say it's been a journey is an understatement.  In looking back, I'm not sure how I survived except for God's wonderful grace.  My second oncologist who is much more positive and hopeful calls it a miracle that I'm still alive.  She says that having hope and being involved in one's own treatment makes all the difference in the outcome.  I tell her about all the prayers that have been lifted up on my behalf.  She knows and understands too about Floyd's part of the journey in being ill for over 5 years.  She acknowledges that it's extremely rare to have survived all that has happened.  In spite of the fact that I am still battling cancer, she says I'm doing remarkably well.

God has certainly "carried" me through all these years.  I am beyond grateful, and give Him all the glory for still being alive to write you about this today.  Even though I still have cancer, in many ways He has "healed" me.  Many prayers have been answered.  God has been so, so good to me!

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved."  Psalm 55:22

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Psalm 73:26

"He gives power to the faint, and to him who has not might He increases strength."  Isaiah 40:29

"He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."  Colossians 1:17

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows those who take refuge in Him."  Nahum 1:7

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13 

"They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

I have come close to "fainting" - not surviving, on several occasions.  But God has truly sustained me.  I'm so grateful!

During these years of battling cancer, there were so many times when I needed the Lord's help and presence.  When I was first diagnosed with cancer and had surgery and chemo, Floyd was with me to help, encourage, and support me.  Then he got sick.  For the rest of my surgeries and chemo treatments, I was on my own.  Thankfully, I had my son who moved here to help us when his dad became sick and many dear friends who cared for and supported me.  I am so grateful for all their love and care.

But there were still many times when I felt alone.  I knew the truth of the Word that God was with me, but I couldn't always "feel" His presence.  Time and time again I called out to the Lord, and in His tender mercy and grace - He came in His power and overwhelmed me with an awareness of His presence.  I don't know quite how to describe it, but it was a tangible awareness of Him being right here with me.  I "felt" Him!  I knew He was caring for me.

The truth is that He's with us whether we feel it or not, but I've been grateful for those times when I could feel His presence.  At other times I cling tight to the promise that He's with me.

I have a family member who quite often sees angels.  I've never seen one (that I know of!) - but I believe that angels are watching over me in many situations too.

Whether we see or feel these things, we can rest assured that God is with us as we walk through the difficult things in life.  He never leaves us nor forsakes us.  That is the rock on which we stand firmly when we go through the trials of life.

"When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, 'Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.' "  Genesis 28:16

"And He said, 'My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.' "  Exodus 33:14

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy."  Psalm 16:11

"I will never leave you nor forsake you."  Hebrews 13:5

"Where shall I go from your spirit?  Or where shall I flee from your presence?"  Psalm 139:7

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me."  Psalm 23:4 

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

God is closer than the air we breathe.  We can't see the air around us, but it's there.  We can't always feel God's presence with us, but He's there!  May God help us to be aware of His constant abiding presence right with us.  When we fully understand that He is WITH us, we can face anything.  He is so good!

Faithfulness not Perfection

Like many around the world, I watched snippets of Queen Elizabeth's 70th Platinum Jubilee celebration over the weekend.  Whether you agree with the monarchy or not.  Whether you agree with the celebration or not.  Whether you even like Queen Elizabeth or not.  In spite of any of these, you have to agree that she has been faithful to the task she was given.

Through difficult times, disappointments, embarrassments - even through personal mistakes - she has "kept calm and carried on."

She has read through those papers in the famous red box every day.  She has encouraged the nation in hard times.  She has kept true to the vow she took 70 years ago.  She has never given up.  She has been faithful.

I don't agree with everything she has done, but I do truly admire her faithfulness.  I can relate to going through hard times, disappointments, and personal mistakes.  And I want to be faithful.  I want to hear the Lord say to me "well done good and faithful servant."  (Matthew 25:21,23)

Faithfulness comes from a place of trusting God no matter what.  It means we won't doubt when hard things come our way.  It means we will hold tight to God's hand with every trial and disappointment that we face.  It means we trust His word even when something seems impossible.  It means we trust Him when prayers aren't answered the way we wanted or thought they should be.  Faithfulness can be challenging, but it's what God asks of us.

John Chau was martyred in his attempt to reach the inhabitants of North Sentinel Island in 2018.  Shortly before he died he wrote in his journal that he was scared.  He didn't want to possibly die.  But he felt God had called him to this group of people.  He had prepared for years to go to their island.  He said he wanted to obey what God had given him to do.  I believe he was faithful - faithful unto death.  He laid down his life for the Gospel like many before him down through the ages.

Whatever it is that God has called us to do, all He asks from us is to be faithful.  He doesn't ask for perfection.  He doesn't even ask for success.  He asks for us to be faithful to Him and to His calling in our lives.  I'm trying to do that day by day!

"It is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful."  1 Corinthians 4:2

"A faithful man will abound with blessings."  Proverbs 28:20

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness..."  Galatians 5:22

Some days in my weakness I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything.  It's frustrating.  But then God patiently reminds me that all He requires of me is daily faithfulness to what He gives me to do.  It's one thing at a time in obedience to Him. That's the faithfulness He asks of us. 

This week has been unusual and somewhat difficult.  Due to some complicated water leaks in our area, we've been without water for 4 days.  I have never been so grateful for the privilege of turning on a tap and having water!  I take it for granted.  I realize many in our world live without running water all the time.  Our situation has prompted me to pray for them - and also to have fresh gratitude for running water!

I've also been rather sick.  And in a different vein, I've been dialoguing with a friend about a difficult decision she's facing.  It's complicated.  There is no simple yes or no answer.  We've been asking God for understanding, clarity, and direction.

In dealing with these things, I've been renewed in my thankfulness to the Lord -  that He gives grace to help with unexpected, difficult, and frustrating things; that He gives wisdom in making decisions about health and life; and that He guides us when we don't know what to do.  I would be so lost on my own.  I'm so grateful that God is with me day-by-day and helping me.  He has answers for each situation before I even ask.  He is so faithful!

If I'm not careful, I can take God's help and faithfulness for granted just like I take running water for granted. I have been reminded to be so grateful for both this week!

"How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 36:7 

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped."  Psalm 28:7

"We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are."  Hebrews 4:15

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills - from whence comes my help?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."  Psalm 121:1,2

I praise and thank the Lord for His daily grace and help!

The Power of Praise

I hadn't anticipated that what I thought would be a day of grieving turned into a week.  Early last week precious memories started flooding my heart and mind.  They seemed to just come out of nowhere, washing over me in powerful waves.  So - I remembered, I reflected, I cried, I released things to the Lord, and I let my heart heal.

As I walked through this past tender week - remembering Floyd's "heaven day" - I was reminded yet again of something so important: the power of praise and gratitude!  This wasn't something I planned or thought would be a good idea for this anniversary week.  It was very much Spirit led.

Every time I thought of a loss, a disappointment, a sadness, a feeling of being left alone - I countered it with something that I have to be thankful for.  The impact was amazing.  The sadness became joy.  The feeling of being alone was replaced by a sweet, tangible presence of the Lord.  The disappointment was turned into an understanding of special blessings the Lord has brought into my life on our unexpected journey.  The loss was replaced by God reminding me of all He has done during this difficult time.  Every single thing, every emotion, every heartache, every pain, every tear - as I turned it into worship.....it was lifted from my heart.  It was amazing.  Gratitude and praise are powerful!  They truly are a tool that God has placed in our hands to help us. 

"I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart."  Psalm 9:1

"I will extol the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips."  Psalm 34:1

"Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise."  Jeremiah 17:14

"Through Him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God."  Hebrews 13:15

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God."  Psalm 42:11

Praise is a powerful, restorative tool that God has provided for us.  We often don't remember to use it.  When we offer up praise, it brings God into the center of whatever we are walking through.  It reminds us of our dependence upon the Lord. 

I'm so grateful that the Spirit led me into praise during this tender weekend.  It was the perfect balance for my grief.  And God met me in special ways as I offered up praise.  He is so good!

Yesterday was another "special" day.  It would have been our 55th anniversary.  It's no longer a day of celebration, but it's certainly one of gratitude.  I'm grateful for 54 years with my gentle giant even though some of them were really difficult.  God has been good to me, good to us.

I have kept a list all those 54 years of where we were for each anniversary.  It's quite an interesting list from all over the world!  Every year on our anniversary we would go over it and reminisce of how we celebrated.  I even read it to Floyd each year in the hospital.  I usually got a few smiles, and even some tears.  It was special to keep sharing it with him.  This year I read it alone, but it was still just as special.  We've had a wonderful life.

This week I read a devotional by Blake Staton that was a tribute to Floyd.  It meant a lot to me during this tender time.  I pray that many will pick up the mandate to go to the “least, the last, and the lost.” 

Blake & Tracy Staton were with us in the leadership school we led in Colorado.  They went on to work with the Akha and Akeu tribes in Thailand for many years.  Blake writes a weekly devotional for All Nations International of lessons they learned during those years.  You are welcome to read it if you like…just click here to download. And if you would like to subscribe to it, click here.

"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God."  Colossians 1:10

May you and I each bear fruit where God has placed us!

A Tender Year

Recently someone did something that was hurtful to me.  My first inclination was to react and be upset.  It seemed unwarranted, unfair.  I calmed down and spent time talking to the Lord about it.  I began to wonder what had prompted the person to act the way they had.  I began to pray for the person......and was able to extend forgiveness.  I felt like the Lord helped me to respond rather than react.  As I went through this process, my heart was healed and the hurt was lifted.  I asked the Lord to fill my heart with compassion.

A sentence I read caught my attention.  "Ground that is filled with roots of bitterness needs to be plowed by the grace of God."  It was a good opportunity to ask the Lord to protect my heart from any bitter roots.  They can sometimes grow without our being aware of them!

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."  Romans 12:18

"But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."  Matthew 5:44

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you."  Colossians 3:13

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged.  Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive, and you will be forgiven."  Luke 6:37

I have been forgiven much by friends, loved ones, and especially by the Lord.  Walking through this experience was a good lesson for me to remember to extend that same forgiveness.  I'm grateful for the reminder.

This Sunday, May 29, will mark one year since Floyd went to be with Jesus.  In many ways the year has flown by - but on another level all the "firsts" have been very tender......more so than I anticipated. 

As I've mentioned before, I had already grieved so much and so deeply during Floyd's 5+ years of laying in silence in a hospital bed.  So the "final grief" caught me off guard.  I hadn't anticipated it.  I didn't realize that it would hit so hard and be very different from how I'd already grieved.  But, whether I knew it was coming or not, it came!

It's been a tender year.  While Floyd was in the hospital, I always went to be with him on the "special" days.  I talked with him, shared memories, took photos, and prayed with him.  This year as I walked through all the special days alone, I sensed the Lord pouring His healing balm into my heart.  I have missed Floyd intensely, but I've also sensed the Lord's presence very intensely.  He has been very close, wrapping me in His love as I grieved.  This year has helped to bring a measure of closure to my heart after our 54 years together.  I'm very grateful for that.

As I come to this one year mark, I'm trusting that I'm turning a corner.  I don't know what that would mean, what it would look like.  I certainly don't know what's ahead.  But I sense there could be a new season ahead.  I'm grateful that the Lord will hold my hand as I face whatever the future holds.  

All Nations International honored this one year mark with a special tribute to Floyd.  Some family members and friends have written sharing memories and things they appreciated about Floyd.  Click here to go there   

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."  Matthew 5:4  

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18  

"Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows."  Isaiah 53:4

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...your rod and your staff, they comfort me."  Psalm 23:4 

"He heals the brokenhearted."  Psalm 147:3

I am grateful to all those who have walked with me through this "first year."  For their prayers, love, notes, gifts - their healing words have all ministered so deeply to me.  I'm so very grateful to the Lord for never leaving my side.  I'm glad I didn't have to walk through this alone.

Day by Day Contentment

During the 5+ years on our unexpected journey, one of the things I felt continually challenged by was to "learn to be content" in whatever situation I was in.  And it was challenging!  Being content while I was sick, while my husband was lying in silence on a hospital bed, while I continually faced financial challenges, and while every way I looked there was so much I needed to deal with......it was not a simple matter to be "content."  And yet, God helped me to do just that.  His loving grace enabled me to find peace and rest, to find a place of contentment day by day.  I'm so grateful.

I wish that contentment, once achieved, could just become permanent.  But the very challenge to "learn to be content in whatever state I am in" makes it clear that it's a continual challenge.  I daily face new barriers to contentment.  I find myself coming back to the Lord again and again asking for His fresh help and grace to be content.  He is patient and faithful - He helps me over and over come to a rest, a peace, and yes a true contentment in each situation.

One recent day when I was dealing with some physical issues, I was finding it hard to be "content."  I wanted change.  I wanted healing.  I read a devotional about a 64 year old lady who had been bedridden for more than 16 years.  She was in constant pain and unable to move.  The only thing she could use was her thumb on her right hand.  But everyone who was with her talked about how joyful and thankful she was.  She used a 2 pronged fork with that thumb to put on her glasses, feed herself, sip tea through a tube, and turn pages of her large Bible.  Everything she did was with the use of that right thumb.  She thanked the Lord continually for the use of that thumb, for His goodness to her, and for His saving grace. (Shared from "Our Daily Bread" May 1993).

Contentment isn't learned all at once and it's over with.  It's a daily process of being thankful for whatever blessings we have.  I'm still on the journey of learning contentment!

"In everything give thanks."  1 Thessalonians 5:18

"I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.  In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:11-13

"Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment."  1 Timothy 6:6

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:10 

Each morning as I thank the Lord for a new day, I ask Him to help me have a heart of contentment.  I'm so grateful for His mercy and grace to me.  He is so faithful!

I have been challenged in my pursuit of contentment because it has been a hard week.  One thing after another seems to have "plagued" me.  As I was needing to make some decisions, this verse came to my mind:

"This is what the Lord says, 'Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.' "  Jeremiah 6:16

I took time to bring each matter to the Lord and ask Him for the "good way."  As I've waited in His presence and listened, I feel I'm getting some help and clarity.  I've also received His peace which brings "rest for my soul."  Oh how I need that rest - that soul-rest.  I have had to remind myself to bring each thought, each worry, each concern, each need to Him.  I can't carry them, but He can!  I'm so grateful that for every crossroads that I come to, He can show me the ancient path, the good way.  He is faithful!

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms."  Deuteronomy 33:27

"Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always."  Psalm 105:4

"In anguish I cried to the Lord, and He answered by setting me free."  Psalm 118:5

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  Psalm 143:8

The Treasure of His Presence

A few days ago we had a long day of rain.  It was cold and the skies were gray - definitely not my favorite kind of weather!  But we needed the rain, so I was grateful.  In late afternoon, a friend came to pray with me regarding some things I'm battling.  Just as we finished praying, the sun came bursting out and there was s huge full arc beautiful rainbow.  It was amazing.  I received it as a little "kiss" from the Lord.

I think God often speaks to us through His creation.  Someone said "nature is a glove on the hand of God."  I love to observe and listen to what God might be saying.  If we don't keep a look out, it's easy to miss ways He might be speaking love and encouragement to our hearts through nature.

I continue to be stretched in my faith and walk with the Lord.  It's not always easy, but it keeps me close to the Father's heart.  Sarah Young says we need to always have our "fork of trust and spoon of thankfulness" handy.  I think that's such good advice.  As long as I'm trusting the Lord and keeping my heart full of gratitude for His goodness and mercy, it helps me get through the times of stretching.  Trust and gratitude are powerful weapons in keeping our hearts free of discouragement, free of gloom and doom when things are hard.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him."  Psalm 34:8

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song."  Psalm 28:7

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.  My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning."  Psalm 130:5,6

Some friends from our early days in Holland came for a visit recently.  As we sat chatting, the one common theme that came up again and again was that through the good times and the hard times the goodness and faithfulness of the Lord never stops!  He is our solid Rock!  He never leaves us, never forsakes us.  We can always count on Him.  Through the decades since we first met, God has been so good to us.  We rejoiced in all the ways He has been with us.  What a wonderful God we serve!

I was asked recently what my thinking and motivation was in writing the prayer updates that I send out each week.  It was helpful to think back through all that has happened.  What a journey it's been!!

When Floyd suddenly became severely ill, I knew he and I both needed prayer.  A friend here helped me send out prayer emails, and a friend in the US offered to set up a FaceBook prayer page - the unexpected journey began.  Neither they nor I had any clue of what was ahead of us and how long it would be!!

Initially I shared news of Floyd's condition and prayer requests.  But within a very short time, I felt the Lord prompting me to share things He was speaking to me along the way, things He was teaching me.  Over time the prayer update included prayer requests.....and also recorded the "journey" I was on.  I found it helpful to share.  It somehow sealed things in my heart as I shared how God was helping and meeting me on the roller coaster I was on.  I also began to pray that by sharing my journey it would somehow help others on their difficult journeys.

None of us like hard times, sickness, suffering, sacrifice, financial pressures.  I certainly haven't liked the suffering of recent years.  But when we offer up to the Lord what we're going through, when we ask Him to somehow use it for His glory - then He redeems the experiences and brings good out of it.  I've seen that happen over and over and over again on our long unexpected journey.  I see it as His goodness and faithfulness in the midst of the suffering.  It helps give grace to keep walking the difficult path.

Every once in a while I ask the Lord if I'm to keep writing the updates.  So far, I've felt He has said I should.  Part of the difficult journey is over now that Floyd has passed away.  But the journey of grief and my journey with battling cancer and facing various other pressures continues.  I still feel in the midst of a battle many days.

The wonderful "benefit" of writing the updates has been the prayer support.  I can't begin to tell you what a blessing, strength, and comfort all the prayers have been to me.  I'm convinced I couldn't have made it without them.  I am eternally grateful for all the prayers that have lifted my weary arms.  Thank you from the depths of my heart!! 

"They preached the good news in that city and won a large number of disciples...."We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said."  Acts 14:21,22

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence.  In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]!  For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]  John 16:33 AMP

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen, no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights."  Habakkuk 3:17-19

The one overwhelmingly wonderful thing on our unexpected journey is that it has drawn me closer and closer to the Lord.  That is priceless!  I wouldn't trade that for anything.  It is the gold that has been mined from the deep pits of suffering.  His daily presence and closeness is a treasure.

The King Has One More Move

I recently came across a 3 minute video clip called “Checkmate” that has ministered to my heart and given me fresh faith.  I attach the link at the bottom of this post.  Sometimes things in our lives seem hopeless, but "the King has one more move."  God is at work in ways we can't see.  He is setting things up to do the impossible, to answer our prayers.  He is listening to every cry of our hearts.  He hears every prayer we utter.  He wants to lift every burden we bear.  He longs to meet our needs.  He is faithful!

On the screen in the background of this video clip is a message that says "Never confuse God's silence as inactivity!"  I love that.  Sometimes we pray and all we hear is silence.  But that doesn't mean that God isn't at work.  "In the kingdom of God nothing just 'happens.' "  God is always actively working behind the scenes to help us,  meet us, and answer prayer.

Sometimes when we're in the midst of something, we don't even see what God is doing.  We're so focused on the situation that we can lose perspective.  It's only later that we look back and see "oh yeah, God was working there."  I had that happen a number of times on our unexpected journey. 

I have new prayer requests I'm lifting to the Lord.  Some of them seem pretty huge, pretty impossible, but I remind myself that "the King has one more move."  He's still at work.  He's not finished.  Thank you Lord!

"The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer."  1 Peter 3:12 

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God:  that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us."  1 John 5:14

"Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:12,13

"Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there anything too hard for me?"  Jeremiah 32:27

I remind myself daily that I need to keep faith and hope alive in my heart.  I am not alone.  I serve a God of the impossible.  And I must be careful to not give up too quickly!  It's the Almighty God, the King of the universe that I am bringing my requests to.  He is able, and He is faithful!

During the 5+ years of our unexpected journey, it was so intense and stretching.  After Floyd passed away, I took a deep breath and thought maybe I'd have a season of peace and rest.  But I've found that the Lord keeps stretching my faith.  I've come to understand that it's out of His heart of love for me.  He wants me to keep becoming more like Him so He gives me fresh opportunities to grow.  I don't always like them, but I see them as for my good.  A phrase that is on my mind a lot is "I don't know how Lord, but my eyes are on you."  I truly don't know how I can be stretched any more, but the Lord helps me daily to learn and grow.  I'm so grateful for His grace and strength.

When we first moved to Amsterdam in 1973, we were told that we weren't wanted or needed in the city.  The spiritual atmosphere in the city was bleak - drugs were rampant, the red light district was a thriving industry, only a handful of churches preached the Gospel, and there was a lack of unity among believers.  Our workers loved the city, prayed for it, and poured their lives into serving in whatever way they could.  There were some hard years, but there were also many good, encouraging things happening. Those who came after us continued loving and praying for the city.  Many have faithfully served there. 

A friend who had been with us in those years recently visited Amsterdam.  He said the contrast was like day and night.  It's a different city!  It's been a radical transformation - physically and spiritually.  I couldn't help but think of all the "stretching" years.....but as we kept our eyes on the Lord, He has done wonderful things.  Those prayers have been answered.  

As you and I are stretched in our individual situations, we can be sure that God is with us - helping us, strengthening us, encouraging us, and working to answer our prayers.....even if we can't see it yet. 

"Truly God has listened; He has attended to the voice of my prayer."  Psalm 66:19

"I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy."  Psalm 116:1

"If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land."  2 Chronicles 7:1

I sometimes get impatient wanting to see answers to my prayers.  But, even when I can't see anything happening, I can rest assured that God is faithfully at work!  I thank Him today for all the answered prayers for Amsterdam.

I trust that all you dear mothers will have a blessed Mother's Day on Sunday.  Thank you for your love and care for your families.  Happy Mother's Day!