Don't Give Up

I'm so grateful for all the faithful prayers being lifted up for me around the world.  At times when I'm facing something difficult - or I'm feeling discouraged - or I'm not doing good physically - it makes me feel so encouraged to know that others are praying for me!  It's such a comfort.

Last week I had an answer to some of those prayers!  I had my checkups to see what happened from my radiation therapy.  It was good news!  The tumor has shrunk, and the cancer hasn't spread.  We wished the tumor had shrunk more - or even disappeared - but I'm so grateful that it shrunk!!  Will keep praying for further results.

Someone recently told me that I shouldn't keep asking for prayer for healing.  God has clearly said "no" since I'm not healed.  I should accept that, and just learn the lessons He has for me.  I thought about it, and realized I don't agree with that perspective.

I have tried to learn every lesson the Lord has had for me on this long unexpected journey.  But I've also felt to keep asking for healing.  I think we're given that freedom to ask, and ask repeatedly, in the Word.  I think of the parable of the persistent widow who kept asking the judge for her request.  She didn't give up.  She kept asking.  

In this parable I think Jesus was teaching His disciples, and us, to never give up!  He teaches them the importance and power of persistence and resilience.  We will all face hard things - disappointment, illness, loss, suffering - but we shouldn't give up or lose hope.

In persisting and enduring, God will never give us more than we can bear.  We may sometimes feel it's "too much," but God is with us and knows how much we can endure.  The trials strengthen us, even as we pray for deliverance.  We need to keep our eyes on Him and trust Him.  He will help us endure.  I’ve said before, when God says "no" there is a better "yes" to come.  But I don't see anywhere that He tells us to stop praying and asking for deliverance to whatever our situation is.  He can change our situation in an instant.  In the meantime, our response is to trust Him.

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." 1 Corinthians 10:13

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."  Psalm 23:4

"God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation."  Isaiah 12:2

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord."  Psalm 27:14

I'm grateful for the results from my check up.  And I'm thankful for all the wonderful things the Lord has taught me these last 9+ years.  And I'll keep asking for His healing touch throughout my body.  I love Him and trust Him.  God is so good!

The last few days have been a bit rocky.  I think I'm impacted by the cold, wet weather (everyone is - winter just won't go away!) and by some pain I've had.  I think I was recovering from the stress of all my checkups too. 

I was talking to the Lord about all this, and was reminded to be thankful in all circumstances.  As you know, that's not always the easiest thing to do.  I realized I can keep it simple - just saying "thank you Jesus" in the midst of whatever is happening.  The more I said it, the better I felt.  I could feel joy coming in the midst of the hard things.  The simple expression of gratitude helped to brighten my situation.  I've just kept thanking the Lord day by day.  It has given me strength to keep going in spite of things dragging me down.

And - I have soooo much to be thankful for.  At one point this week, I just started speaking out all the things I have to thank the Lord for.  It took quite a while as God has been so good to me.  And, again, as I did that it helped lift the heavy things from my heart.  Gratitude is a powerful thing!

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good."  Psalm 107:1

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  2 Corinthians 12:9

"Trust in Him at all times - pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."  Psalm 62:8

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Joy, strength, comfort, help, healing, and grace come as we simply thank Him!  I've known this, but this week I learned it again.  I'm so grateful for His help with every single thing I walk through.  He is so faithful!

The Miracle of Enduring Grace

During these past weeks I've had some really good times with the Lord.  I listened to a couple sermons that gave me some insightful things to ponder.  I've been thinking and praying about several things.  I so love how God keeps teaching me things on this long journey. 

When we go through trials, sickness, suffering - any kind of a hard time - we pray for change, for healing, for miracles.  Sometimes we get the answer we're praying for, but often times we don't.  How we respond to those times is so important in our walk with the Lord.

I've been thinking that there are two kinds of miracles in answer to our prayers.  One is relief from the difficult thing we're praying for.  But the other kind of miracle is an enduring grace and faith to go through the hard time.  It's not something we can "work up" in ourselves.  It's a miracle from the Lord to walk through the painful and difficult thing.  I think this is the miracle I've been experiencing the past 9 years!  I couldn't have made it without God's "miracle" of enduring grace and faith.  The power seen in instant miracles is also seen in endurance - perhaps even more so!

Enduring faith helps build our character in the midst of the difficulty.  I know that has happened for me.  God has taught me so many precious lessons during these years - and He's drawn me closer and closer to Him.  I wouldn't trade that for anything.

When God doesn't answer a prayer in the way we thought would happen - when He says "no" - there is a better "yes" to follow in what He has for us.  A delayed answer is "gaining interest" in the ways that God works in our lives.  

A breakthrough, a miracle, in what we're praying for is not a formula.  It's all about relationship and trust in what God has for us.  We have to remember that "God is working in all things for good."  Saying "yes" to God no matter what happens is where we gain strength in our walk with Him.  This is where there is strength in the midst of our weakness, sickness, and trials.  Trust in Him in the midst of the trial keeps hope alive for whatever He has in store for us. 

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10 

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised."  Hebrews 10:36

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.' "  Lamentations 3:22-24

"Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths."  Proverbs 3:5,6

"We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul - not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.  It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy."  Colossians 1:11 The Message

"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith."  Ephesians 3:16

Faith often brings answers, but not all the answers.  Enduring faith presses us into God for the answers He has for us.  There is power seen in miracles, but there is also much power, maybe even more, seen in endurance.  I sometimes look back over all these recent years at everything that has happened in my life.  I honestly don't know how I've made it.  It is only by the miracle of God's enduring grace and faith that I've survived.  And the wonderful thing with God helping us to endure is that we don't come through all bruised and battered.  Because we're walking with Him, learning the lessons He has for us - we come through in victory!  

As I've pondered these things the last few weeks, I have been overwhelmed with gratitude to the Lord for His goodness to me.  My heart is so full of worship for how wonderful God has been to me day by day, week by week, month by month!  He is awesome!

He Makes Beauty Out of Dust

A few days ago I turned 75.  It suddenly sounded "old" to me.  I don't feel old!!  But then I remembered - my sister turned 90 this month.  I'm still "young."  :)  I'm grateful for every year, every day, that I have.

Someone sent me the lyrics of a song by Gungor.  Some of the words resonated in my heart for the year ahead:

"You make beautiful things out of the dust...

You make beautiful things out of us...

Hope is springing up from this old ground

Out of chaos, life is being found in You...

You make me new, You are making me new"

I'm praying for God to make all things new for me.  That's my hope for the year ahead.  God has wonderfully sustained me.  He has been faithful to me all these years.  I am so grateful for His goodness and faithfulness.  I trust Him in what is to come.

"Those who hope in me will not be disappointed."  Isaiah 49:23B

"He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them."  Psalm 145:19

"The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."  Isaiah 58:11

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"  Isaiah 43:18,19 

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."  Ecclesiastes 3:11

"And He who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.' " Revelation 21:5

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22,23

I trust in His steadfast love for the year ahead.  I'm asking Him to make things new in my life.

Here in Cape Town there have been taxi strikes going on this past week.  For those that don’t live in South Africa, the taxis are large vans that transport people to work and school.  It's the primary mode of transportation for hundreds of thousands of people. 

Sadly there were also scattered incidents of violence where some buses were stoned and set on fire, protesters blocked people from leaving to go to their jobs and it is awful to say, some lives were lost.  I have friends in these communities.  I've been praying for them and sending messages of encouragement in the midst of it all. 

Thankfully, an agreement between the 2 sides came last night, and the strike was called off.  It's a great sense of relief that this is over!  "Normal" sounds really good right now.

I have been stirred to intercession for my friends.  It's been a hard time for them.  And I've also had a new sense of gratitude for things I take for granted.  I've also been praying for all the people in Maui who have lost their homes and livelihood in the fires.  An immense tragedy - so much loss.

As I've pondered all this - one thing is clear.  Our lives can change in an instant!  We must daily be grateful for what we have - and stay close to the Lord who will help us when we face that "instant change."  I remember my shock at how quickly our lives changed when Floyd got sick - my energetic, healthy, strong husband was overnight in ICU battling for his life.  No warning.  No preparation.  Just instant change.

Trust, gratitude, staying close to the Lord, talking to Him continually about what is happening - those are our lifelines when unexpected things come our way.  They've gotten me through the tumult of recent years.  God has been faithful to meet me and help me! 

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the seas, thought its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling."  Psalm 46:1-3

"Because He holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name.  When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him."  Psalm 91:14,15

"How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 36:7

There are hundreds of verses of God meeting us in the hard situations of life.  I'm so grateful for the power and truth of each one.  God is with us!

We can find refuge in the shadow of His wings!

I'm Grateful

There's a question that I've often been asked.  I imagine you've had it too.  Someone will say "how are you?"  The standard answer is "I'm fine."  But many times that wasn't the case.  I wasn't fine.  I may have been sick in some way - or discouraged - or overwhelmed.  But people don't want to hear a litany of those things.  They're usually just being polite in asking the question.

Recently someone shared on the FaceBook prayer page something her pastor had taught.  When someone asks "how are you?" - a good answer is "I'm grateful."  I love that!!!  And it's true.  Even in hard times, my heart is grateful.  It's the perfect answer to that question.

Some things I'm grateful for today:

• Sunshine!!  The last few days have been sooo cold.  The sun today warms my heart and my body.

• Grocery delivery!  One good thing that the pandemic brought is delivery service.  I can order just about anything and have it delivered.

• Friends!  A friend came over today to help me with something.  I so appreciated it.

• Strength!  I had a long list of things to accomplish, and the Lord gave me strength to make it through the list.

• The internet!  It allows me to communicate with all of you from right here in my home.  I'm old enough to remember when we had to communicate with letters.  It took days to get a message to someone.

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."  Proverbs 17:22

My heart is cheerful - filled with gratitude.

When I face challenging situations (I’ve had a few this week) - I face a big temptation!  To worry!  My mind for details thinks through everything about the projects.  If I'm not careful, I can get bogged down in the pit of worry.  I have to continually give things to the Lord.  Even in the midst of a stressful project I had this week, I had to walk away, sit down, and give everything to the Lord.  One time wasn't enough!  I had to keep giving things to the Lord and ask Him to carry the burden for me.

Continually communicating with the Lord is our protection from being weighed down by the burdens we face - both large and small.  The key is the constant communication!  The Lord doesn't get tired of our bringing the situation to Him.  He is always available, always listening, always ready to help.  As I gave the burden to Him repeatedly, I could feel His help and strength to make it through.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"  Luke 12:25,26

"In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help.  From His temple He heard my voice, and my cry to Him reached His ears."  Psalm 18:6 

"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up."  Proverbs 12:25

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

I had a friend speaking kind words - and was surrounded by the peace of the Lord.  It was a good week. :) 

Happiness Within

With all the ups and downs of recent weeks/months - the Lord has been calling my attention once again to "being content."  

"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13

Trying to muddle through in my own strength never works.  I need to immediately call upon the Lord to help me.

Affliction/trials/suffering - these things are a largely unappreciated gift in our lives.  Everyone at one time or another will face these things.  It's part of life in our fallen world.  It's not whether we will face these hard times, but how we will face them.  Life is so worth living despite the hard times and suffering.  The challenge is to suffer well - to find the good in the suffering.

A young woman attending a conference on happiness who was crippled by polio said - "It is my experience that suffering and pain are, unfortunately, great character builders - not that suffering is good in itself, but because it often helps to shift our expectation of happiness from without to a search for it from within."

If I've learned anything in the last 9 years, it's that there is so much good to be found in times of suffering.  There are lessons to be learned that we won't learn in any other way.  Do I wish I hadn't had to go through the hard times - especially in losing my husband?  Of course! But at the same time, I'm so grateful for the closeness of fellowship with the Lord that came out of it and the wonderful lessons He has taught me.  Somehow those things help balance the scales of the hard things.  There is hope for good things in suffering when we walk with the Lord!

So - to go back to contentment - with the roller coaster of recent times.....the Lord has been reminding me to look for the good again in the hard times and to keep my eyes on Him.  I will think I'm doing that, and then He'll show me where I'm trying to make it in my own strength.  I'm amazed at how easily I can slip into that mode if I'm not careful!

I'm hoping (and praying) for better times ahead - how I would love that!  But I want to keep my eyes clearly focused on the Lord in whatever comes my way.  I want to be "content" in every situation with His grace and strength.  Contentment and happiness truly come when we stay close to the Lord in trusting Him in whatever comes our way.

"Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts Him!"  Psalm 34:8

"You keep track of all my sorrows."  Psalm 56:8

"The name of the Lord is a strong fortress; the godly run to Him and are safe."  Proverbs 18:10

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.  And this hope will not lead to disappointment."  Romans 5:3-3 NLT 

"Be still, and know that I am God."  Psalm 46:10

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."  Psalm 46:1 

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness."  James 1:2,3

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord."

"A contented person has learned to accept the bitter with the sweet."   I'm endeavoring to learn that afresh!

We are having lots of "load shedding" (where the electricity is turned off for blocks of time in order to prevent a grid collapse).  Many days it's for 7 hours a day.  Some days it's been 10 hours a day.  You can probably imagine the disruption it causes.  Much of daily life has to be planned around those times.  It causes lots of frustration, and things get damaged with the surges of electricity. 

When we have load shedding during the night, it is so intensely dark.  One night laying in bed I literally couldn't see my hand in front of my face.  Rechargeable light bulbs (that go to half strength during load shedding so its not completely dark), power surge protectors, and battery powered lanterns are a great help.

Dealing with the darkness of load shedding has made me think a lot of how God has taken us from darkness into light.  I have a new gratitude for that.  I'm thankful that even in the darkness of what we're walking through each day - I live in the wonderful light of Jesus.  I sense the light of His presence during the dark hours.  My heart has been stirred to pray for those who are living in spiritual darkness and don't know the light the Lord brings. 

He is our light.  He is our comfort.  He is our protector.  He is our guide.  He is with us always, shining bright and holding back the darkness.  He never leaves us, never forsakes us.  How I love Him for all He is to us with His light.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."  John 1:5 NIV

"I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."  John 8:12

"God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all."  1 John 1:5

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."  Psalm 119:105

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?"  Psalm 27:1

"Then God said, 'Let there be light; and there was light.' "  Genesis1:3

I am so grateful for the light that He creates daily in our lives.  It is a guide to my path. 

Bearing Fruit in Old Age

I was meditating on a verse this week. "I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."  (Psalm 139:14)  I started thinking of my "beginnings."  My mother had me at a time when women her age no longer had babies.  In fact, her doctor told her she could no longer have children.  But she prayed - for one more child that she could dedicate to become a missionary.  She had a heart for missions.  She couldn't go, but she prayed for a child that would go.

Well, against all odds, she had me.  And she prayed over me every day of my growing up years that I would be a missionary.  During these same years, Floyd's parents prayed daily for the woman that would some day be his wife.  That's a lot of prayers invested in me.....one who is "fearfully and wonderfully made."  I have no doubt that God's hand has been upon me from my conception - and that He led me to the right partner in life.  From our first meeting at a YWAM outreach, to getting to know each other writing letters, and to our wedding day - we sensed God's hand upon us.  We had a wonderful life in ministry together - not always smooth and easy, but rich and rewarding.

I'm older now.  I'm a widow.  I'm battling cancer.  I sometimes wonder what's ahead.....but God reminded me as I meditated on that verse - that I'm still "fearfully and wonderfully made."  That hasn't changed.  And He led me to another verse - "They shall still bear fruit in old age." (Psalm 92:14) 

God's plan for our lives doesn't change as the years go by.  Our situations may change.  Our bodies certainly change.  But He hasn't changed!  He still has a plan for us because we are "fearfully and wonderfully made."  He has "fruit" for us in every season of life.  We may not always see it, but we can stand on the promise in His word.

I read of a lady who was housebound and in a wheelchair.  She put an ad in the newspaper and told people they could call her if they wanted to talk.  They could share their problems and help each other.  She immediately started getting calls - 30 or more a week.  Even in her difficult situation, God gave her a way to have "fruit."

He who made us has fruit for us in every season of life!

I've had a very full week with a lot of different things to deal with.  My energy is lagging, but it's been sufficient to get me through the week.  I'm so grateful for that.  The Lord spoke to me through a devotional I was reading.  "Be strong...and work; for I am with you."  (Haggai 2:4)  All I can do is be strong with what energy I have, get busy with the work, and He will be with me.  That encourages me so much - and I'm thankful that it's been true! 

So, as I come to the end of this week, I am thankful, thankful, thankful!  God has been so good to me - in so many ways - on so many levels.  He is awesome in His faithfulness!

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ."  Ephesians 1:3

"Give thanks in all circumstances."  1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name."  Psalm 100:4

I'm praising His name for His goodness! 

Rock of Ages

The last couple weeks have been pretty intense for me.  There have been many things for me to deal with.  There was one thing that hit me particularly hard.  I immediately felt nervous, anxious, fearful even.  I knew I needed to take it to the Lord right away - which I did.  I proclaimed my trust in Him.  I immediately thought of the verse "When I am afraid, I will trust in you." - Psalm 56:3.  David was a mighty warrior, but he had moments of fear.....and he knew what to do with that fear.  He turned to the Lord.

Fear and trust can go hand-in-hand.  It all depends on our response.  That's what David was saying in that verse.  We don't need to beat ourselves up if we are anxious or fearful.  We just need to take our emotion to the Lord, and affirm our trust in Him.  When I did that, and I also asked some friends to pray for me, a sweet peace came into my heart.

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

"After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  And after the fire came a gentle whisper."  1 Kings 19:12 

"He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him."  Psalm 91:15

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.  Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me."  Psalm 23:4

My situation isn't resolved, but I know God is with me and carrying me through it.  I feel His covering of peace. 

It's rare for a day to go by that I don't thank the Lord for being my ROCK.  I know I need to cling to the Lord as my steadfast, sure rock.  He has supported me through all I've gone through. 

A friend sent me a story from a devotional.  A young man was in a ship wreck and lost at sea.  He was able to grab a big rock.  He was cold and trembling the whole night with waves crashing all around him.  Later after he was rescued people asked him if he wasn't scared.  He replied, "I was scared, but the rock never moved!"

I love that!  The Rock I cling to never moves either.  He has stayed firm as my foundation all these years.  I think of the song - "Rock of ages, cleft for me, Let me hide myself in Thee."  I have hidden myself in the wonderful Rock of Jesus.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.  He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.  I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise."  Psalm 18:1-3

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer."  2 Samuel 22:2

"My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.  He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved." Psalm 62:5,6

When I have been in need, called out to the Lord, and waited for Him - He has always come through as my Rock.  He has never failed me.  He is so faithful!

Grow!

I have been meditating on 2 quotes that particularly impacted me when Floyd was so sick.  The Lord brought them to my attention a few days ago.

"Nothing that comes to us can injure us unless it causes us to have a wrong attitude.  It is one's response that blesses or burns."  Paul Billheimer

I remember praying over that quote more than once and asking God to help me to have a "good" attitude in all that was happening in our lives.  I wanted to come through it all without getting burned.  When I struggled with something, didn't understand something - I learned to immediately take it to the Lord.  I didn't always get understanding, but the Lord helped me give things to Him.  He protected my heart from a "wrong" attitude.

"The eternal essence of a thing is not in the thing itself, but in one's reaction to it.  The distressing situation will pass, but one's reaction toward it will leave a moral and spiritual deposit in his character that is eternal."  Amy Carmichael 

Wow - that's a pretty big statement!  And it's so true.  Most of the hard things I go through will pass - but I want my heart to remain right.  I want to "react" in a Godly way.  I asked the Lord many times in the years past with all we were going through to help me respond the right way.  There were some big ministry things as well as Floyd's illness and my cancer - and some other hard things happening in our extended family.  Sometimes it felt like a tsunami hitting me - things from all sides.  I thank the Lord for carrying me through it all.

I’m glad I was reminded of these quotes because I'm praying them afresh with things I'm walking through now.  I find them a good guideline for normal life - as well as going through hard times.  Christ in us/me is greater than the pressure of anything around us!  Our inner strength in Him protects us when blows and burdens press upon us.   

"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being."  Ephesians 3:16 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2,3

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."  Hebrews 10:23

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior."  Habakkuk 3:17, 18

That last verse has been a key one for me.  Continually speaking out praise, worship, trust and thankfulness to the Lord has protected my heart and kept me focused on God's goodness.

It also allowed me to see the "blessings" in the midst of the hard times.  It kept me from being "burned."  And there were many blessings!  I'm so grateful that God helped me see them.

Through all these things I’ve gone through during the last years my heart's desire has also been to grow.  To grow in being more like Jesus.  To grow in intimacy with the Father.  To grow in maturity.  To grow in wisdom.  To grow in trust.  Just to GROW.   

I didn't want to go backwards in my walk with the Lord.  I didn't want to blame, or mistrust, or grow cold in my walk with the Lord.  There were hard things to deal with.  There were many things I didn't understand.  There were times when I felt stretched to what I was sure would be my breaking point.  There was pressure upon pressure.   And there were so many times when I didn't know what to do and I had huge decisions to make.

Through it all I told the Lord I wanted to grow - and I asked him to help me!!

A friend sent me a video clip recently that warmed my heart.  It so resonated with me.  In it there's a small stump of a tree right beside a  metal pole of a stop sign.  Out of that stump a tree starts growing inside the metal pole - up, up, up until it reaches the top of the red stop sign.  From there green branches of leaves burst forth in abundance.  It's quite amazing!  I have used a similar picture at the top of this post to give you an idea.

It speaks to me that when we want to grow - nothing, absolutely nothing, can stop us.....and certainly not with the Lord helping us.  I've grown these last years.  It's sometimes been painful growth, but the Lord has been right by my side, holding my right hand, and helping me.  I am eternally grateful for God helping me grow in the midst of extremely difficult times.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  Matthew 11:28-30

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."  Isaiah 41:13

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!"  Psalm 34:8

"Because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice."  Psalm 63:7

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace."  Numbers 6:24-26

The Lord wants nothing more than for us to grow closer and closer to Him.  He will help us get through every obstacle we face.  He loves us and wants us to have intimacy of fellowship with Him.  What a precious gift it is.

God has been so good to me!  I couldn't have made it through all these years without him.

Lessons Under My Belt

Recently on one of our cold, gray, rainy winter days I decided to sort through some files and papers.  My energy was lagging, so I needed to do something that didn't require a lot of energy.

I came across the file of all the messages I received when Floyd passed away.  I had read them all at the time, but, of course, it was a very busy time so I had read them rather quickly.  I decided to read them all again - slowly this time.

As might be expected, there were lots of tears.  But there was also much joy and gratitude for all that was expressed.  There were stories of Floyd's impact in different ways in people's lives that I didn't know about.  The outpouring of love and appreciation impacted my heart deeply - it was like a fresh wave of healing to my heart as I read all the consoling messages.

I'm so grateful for all those messages from when Floyd passed away!  And it reminded me again of all the wonderful people the Lord has allowed us to cross paths with.  I again "savored" each one - as I wrote about in my last post. 

I have missed Floyd so much during this last treatment and post treatment side effects.  It has been a rough time.  My mind went back to how loving and supportive he was during my very first diagnosis and treatment of cancer.  I wish he could have been with me in this recent time.  But - because he wasn't, it pushed me in closer to the Father's heart of love and care again.  And that is a precious gift.  I'm so grateful I'm never alone.  The Lord is with me 24/7!  In this difficult time I have sensed His tender love and care. 

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:13,14 

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."  James 4:8 

"May your unfailing love be my comfort." Psalm 119:76 

"In Him we live and move and have our being."  Acts 17:28

Wonderful people and a loving, faithful God - what more could I ask for?!!

Another beautiful encouragement I had was from, George Verwer,  founder of Operation Mobilization and dear friend.  He passed away recently.  He had often written encouraging messages to me during Floyd's illness.  He actually wrote me a letter a couple weeks before he passed away.  Mail is slow here (if we get it at all), and I only got his letter this past week.  It blessed me that he was thinking of me in his last days - and, as always, it was a letter of encouragement.

He enclosed a booklet entitled "Failure, the Back Door to Success." *  In it he shared very vulnerably of how some failures in his life taught him lessons that went on to lead to successes.  I could completely relate to what he shared.  I thought back to some difficult times in our lives, some "failures,"  and how God used them to shape our character and mature us in our leadership.  There were definitely successes that came in the years ahead from those painful lessons. 

In fact, I thought about how some lessons I learned during difficult times prepared me for the last 9 years.  I don't know if I'd have made it through this time if I hadn't learned those lessons.  I didn't particularly like it when I was going through the difficult times and learning the lessons - but I am so, so grateful that I had those lessons "under my belt" to help me in the challenges of these recent years.  God knew I would need those lessons and graciously took me through the hard times to learn them.

None of us like going through hard times!!  We feel the pain and disappointment of our "failures."  We want God to "fix" the problem, not teach us lessons.  But we don't see how God is using those hard times to stretch us, teach us, and build new foundations in our lives.  All these years later I am so grateful that God prepared me for what Floyd and I have gone through in these recent years.

I've mentioned it before, but Paul Billheimer's book "Don't Waste Your Sorrows" is a profound teaching on this topic.  It's a Godly perspective on going through difficulties.  I highly recommend it.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord.  "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:8,9

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:12,13

I don't like failures - whether it's when I'm cooking or in leadership.  Failure is disappointing and hard.  But I'm grateful that God can take the failures, teach us lessons, and use it to bring success in the future.  He has done that time and time again for us. 

* "Failure, the Back Door to Success" is taken from George Verwer's book "Drops from a Leaking Tap."  

Finding a Way Around

In recent years with all we've faced and gone through, I have seen so many answers to prayer.  It has been very special and encouraging.  I'm grateful for each answer!

But there have been many things I've prayed for where I didn't see answers.  I trust God.  I trust His wisdom to know what's best.  But sometimes I've wondered about the unanswered prayers - the obstacles I asked God to remove.....but they didn't budge.  They remained bright as day - huge and unmoving.

At some point I came across this quote - "If God doesn't remove an obstacle, He'll help you find a way around it."  And that's what happened.  He helped me deal with the obstacles.  He showed me how to overcome the problem that they caused.  He led me in directions where the obstacle wasn't on the path.

I guess I still have questions that I wonder about, but I'll have all of eternity to ask the Lord about them.  The thing that is foremost in my mind is that God helped me deal with the obstacle even when it wasn't removed.  How awesome is that?!

"When they looked up, they saw that the stone had been rolled away."  Mark 16:4 

"We triumph even in our troubles, knowing that trouble produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope - a hope which never disappoints us, since God's love floods our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us."  Romans 5:3,5

"Know Him in all your paths, and He will keep your ways straight."  Proverbs 3:6

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  James 1:2-4

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.  But He said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:8-10 

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."  Philippians 4:6

"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."  Exodus 14:14

I know there will continue to be obstacles on my journey, but I also know God will remove them or help me find a way around them.  That gives me such a sense of peace on the journey.  How faithful and good He is!

Through the years we have been blessed to work with some wonderful people - to be part of some inspiring groups - and live in interesting places.  One of the things we've learned is to "savor" each one of those.  You never know when things will change, people move on, or even God moving us on.

We lived in Holland for 18 years.  I thought we would continue living there for many, many years.  And suddenly! - everything changed and we were leaving.  We loved living there, loved the Dutch culture and people.  We felt very much at home and wanted to stay.  But God was leading a different way.  I'm so glad that we had "savored" every day there.  The years in Holland went with us in our hearts.

Our years in Kabul, Afghanistan were very different.  It was not an easy place to live!  So many challenges.  And yet, I loved living there and "savored" all the rich experiences.  We were there when the king was overthrown - an important moment in the history of the country.  We were there when the Christian church (for foreigners) was torn down - a sad and historic day.  The government had heard there was an "underground church."  So they tore the building down and dug deep into the ground looking for that church.  I have a piece of the marble floor of the church.  Every time I look at it, it reminds me to pray for that country that is going through such hard times - especially the women and children. 

If I counted right, we have lived in 13 different places, and worked with hundreds and hundreds of wonderful people.  Not everything was easy and smooth going, but, none the less, we savored each place, each relationship, each person.  I feel so blessed to have had the life we've had......"savoring" each minute.  I thank the Lord for how He's led us all our years.

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."  Philippians 2:4

"Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms."  1 Peter 4:10

"A friend loves at all times."  Proverbs 17:17 

"God is love.  In this the love of God was made manifest among us, so that we might live through Him.  In this is love, not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His son to be the expiation for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."  1 John 4:8-11

"Share each other's burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

Our greatest wealth is not measured in terms of riches but relationships.  We've never had a lot of money, but we are exceedingly rich in the gift of people in our lives. 

One Cold Day at a Time

My heart sends warm greetings, but outside we are having freezing cold, wet winter days.  Definitely not my favorite thing!  I find the winter weather really hard to bear and discouraging.  I think one reason it's so hard is that I'm dealing with pain from my recent treatment.  The cold weather seems to accentuate the pain.  I was talking to the Lord about it - telling him I didn't know if I could cope with all the winter days ahead.  He lovingly reminded me that I am supposed to take it one day at a time......not days, weeks, or months at a time.  I know that, of course, but in the midst of these cold days it was easy to forget and focus on all that's ahead.

My part is to simply ask the Lord for grace and strength for one cold day at a time.  If I try to cope with all the days ahead, I would probably collapse under the load of discouragement that the cold days bring.  It was a good reminder of an important principle.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."  Matthew 6:34

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken."  Psalm 62:1,2

"The Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in Him."  Psalm 32:10

"The Lord is good.  A stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him."  Nahum 1:7 

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear."  Psalm 46:1

"How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 36:7

When I'm struggling with the cold or the pain, I find it helpful to speak out all the things Jesus is to me.  It's a helpful and powerful reminder!  He is so faithful.

Praise Turns Burdens Into Blessings

I read an article recently about a father who had lost his teenage daughter in an accident.  He walked through tremendous grief.  He said one of the things he learned was that in the "rubble of disaster, there were gemstones."  I love that.  I think I experienced the same thing.  In the midst of the grief and suffering of what was happening to Floyd, there were sweet gifts.  God was very present day by day.  He faithfully ministered grace, healing, and comfort.

I mentioned recently that Floyd and I were very young when we got married.  We quickly learned that we had unrealistic expectations of each other.....and because of that, we needed to talk things through as they arose.  We talked a lot!  The wonderful thing was that it laid a foundation of communication in our marriage.  When differences arose, we learned to quickly talk about them and work them out.  If we let them just sit - the differences grew and became harder to resolve.

I'm so grateful for that foundation.  It helped us learn and grow together over the years.  One day in the hospital, standing by Floyd's bed and telling him about something - it hit me.  There was nothing left unsaid between us.  We had worked through every difficulty, talked about every misunderstanding, and our hearts were clear towards each other.  Everything that needed to be said had been said.  Oh - I would have loved to hear him tell me one more time that he loved me.....but there was nothing I wished I'd said or done.  It was a special "gemstone" to realize that.  We hadn't planned it this way, but what a gift it was in that season.

It's also given me an awareness of other relationships - to work things through, talk things through.....and not let things sit.  We never know when there won't be another opportunity.

"...bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."  Colossians 3:13,14

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."  1 Peter 4:8

"Encourage one another and build one another up."  1 Thessalonians 5:11

"Do to others as you would have them do to you."  Luke 6:31

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth."  1 Corinthians 13:4-8

There are so many verses about relationships and speech.  God has sought to guide us, but we have to do the actual work.  We have to take the initiative to talk things through when needed.

I've actually thought of a number of "gemstones" during the 5+ years Floyd was in the hospital, but the one I shared above is so special to me.  No regrets.  Nothing left unsaid.  It brought such rest and peace to realize that.  Thank you, Lord, for that!

I had my post treatment check up with my doctor this week.  Early indications are that the treatment has been successful.  How encouraging that was to hear!  The treatment will keep working for quite some time, so my prayer is that it will continue to be successful.   

This month is special to me because it marks 9 years since I was diagnosed with cancer.  The outlook at that time is that "maybe" I would survive 2 years.  I'm so grateful that God was in charge of that "maybe."  He had other plans.  I'm so grateful that He carried me and helped me survive during the years Floyd was sick.  We could never have imagined that Floyd's illness and my cancer battle would both be raging at the same time.  I have thanked the Lord over and over that He helped me through those hard years.

I have no idea what's ahead - but I know I'm in good hands.  I know that God still has plans for me for every day that I'm still alive.  I love walking hand in hand with Him, day by day, for whatever He has in store for me.  I feel safe and secure knowing God is in control.  What a wonderful place to be!

I read about a lady who was bed-ridden for 16 years and only had use of one thumb.  With a fork and stick attached to that thumb, she learned to do many things - put on her glasses, feed herself, sip tea through a tube, turn the pages of her Bible, and other chores.  She told a friend she had so much to be thankful for.

Contentment to our life circumstances isn't learned in a few hours,  but if we're thankful for whatever blessings we have - we can have a rich life of thankfulness.  Praising God turns our burdens and trials into blessings.

I've gone through a lot these last years, but God has been with me and blessed me.  I'm so grateful for His faithfulness and help day by day.  He is so good! 

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints."  Ephesians 1:18

"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground."  Psalm 143:10 

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  Psalm 143:8

"Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love."  Lamentations 3:32

"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."  Psalm 63:8

In many cancer rooms/wards they have a bell that patients can ring when they are cancer free.  I've never rang that bell because I've not been "free" of my cancer.  But God has carried me "through" my cancer day by day.  In my mind I ring that bell and thank Him daily.  He has been so good to me. 

My Gentle Giant and My Wonderful Savior

This week had two very significant days for me.  It was the 2 year anniversary of Floyd's passing.  The missing him certainly doesn't go away, but the pain of grief is so much less.  Truly God brings healing and fresh grace to our wounded hearts.

I love special days.  And I love celebrating on those days.  In our busy life and with Floyd traveling a lot, that wasn't always possible.

But we tried.  Often we had to celebrate on an alternate day, but we always celebrated!  God loves celebrations.  You see that all through the Word.  He's a God of celebration!

So, even though I'm alone today without dear Floyd, I'm celebrating that we started our journey in marriage together 56 years ago today.  Oh my - we had no idea what was in store for us!!!

All this week so many memories have come flooding back about our beginning.  I want to share one of them with you.  I was 18 - Floyd was 21.  We were "young" in so many ways.  We did a lot of growing up and maturing together after we got married.  We were so idealistic, and out to conquer the world for Jesus!  Our plan was to leave 3 days after our wedding to lead teams in outreach in the Caribbean islands.  I have to admit that it wasn't the wisest plan - I wouldn't recommend it to other newly wed couples.  :)

As was so often the case through our years together, we were trusting the Lord for finances for that outreach....sometimes we were trusting  right up to the deadline of departure.  We were getting organized to leave when a dear lady turned up at the door.  She attended Floyd's dad's church, and knew we were leaving on a missions venture.  She walked in and handed us a shoebox.  She explained that she worked as a waitress and she put all her tips in that box.  It was mostly coins with a few dollar bills here and there.

She went on to explain how she had always wanted to be a missionary, but that wasn't how things had gone for her life.  She wanted to give us her shoebox of tips as an investment in the Kingdom for the outreach we were going on.  I can tell you that many tears flowed as she shared all this.  It was so humbling.  It was actually really hard to accept. 

Many times through the years as we've served the Lord in various ways, I've thought of that dear lady.  She has been part of everything we've done.  God treasured her investment, and someday she'll reap an eternal reward!!  It was a special beginning to our life together - something we never forgot!!  We often prayed for her to be rewarded in ways only God could do.

I hope this story blesses you.  It reminds me of the story in the Bible of the widow who gave two small copper coins.  Jesus told the disciples that she gave more than the rich, because it was all she had!  

I've been thinking recently how sometimes it's easier to trust God for the big things rather than the little things.  I'm not sure why that is.  Maybe it's because the big things are so much more noticeable.  The little things can sneak in without our being aware of them.

Recently I've been facing both - big and little things.  It caught me off guard, but, when I noticed it, I immediately heard the Lord speaking sweetly to my heart that He could handle both at the same time.  He is so awesome, capable, and faithful.  And He wants us to bring everything to Him - big things, and even tiny almost unnoticeable things.  I've been doing that, and have been receiving His grace for both.

I've also had some pretty rough days this week and I’m so grateful for His wonderful help and grace. 

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.  I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.  Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.  I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.  My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you."  Psalm 63:1-5 

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze...Since you are precious in My sight...and I love you."  Isaiah 43:2-4

I'm without Floyd now, but I continue on the journey the Lord started us on on our wedding day.  I'm so grateful for the years we had together.

On good days and on hard days - I lift my voice and hands in praise to our wonderful God!!

Under His Wings

It’s been a while since I posted anything.  I have had a rough time of weakness and no energy during and after my radiation treatment.  I’m still recovering but grateful that I am beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel.  I'm praying that that light keeps shining brightly!!

During these long days, there were 3 thoughts that stayed firmly and clearly in my heart and mind.  The first is "carrying."  I don't know how to describe it - but I was so aware that I was being carried by the Lord.  I could almost feel His presence, with me - knowing I was being carried.

"I have made you and I will carry you.  I will sustain you and I will rescue you."  Isaiah 46:4

The second thought was being sheltered by the wings of the Lord.  About 4 1/2 years ago I shared a photo of a momma bird sheltering her 2 young ones under her wings.  This picture came back into my mind one night in the hospital.  I vividly sensed the shelter of the Lord's wings!  I have used the photo again above.

"I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.' Surely He will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.  He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge, His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."  Psalm 91:2-4

The 3rd word was "peace."  In the midst of a lot of chaos, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace.  A peace that nothing/no one can give but the Lord.  A peace that passes understanding.  A peace that closed off the world around me, and tucked me into those protective wings of love and care.

"The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Psalm 34:14

Again and again I've been encouraged by these words - been ministered to by God's love and care.  He is so faithful, and knows just what we need.

This coming week has two days that are special to me.  The first is Monday, May 29 - it marks 2 years from when Floyd went to be with Jesus.  It's a bittersweet day.  I'm so grateful that Floyd is no longer suffering, but I do continue to miss him - especially in times like my recent treatment.  I miss his love and support.  My family and friends were very supportive, but it's not the same as my dear gentle giant.

I’m so grateful that the Lord has been so faithful in bringing healing to my heart during these 2 years.  The grief isn't gone, but it's much "lighter" than it was in the beginning.  I know that's because of God's healing hand.

The second special day is Friday, June 2.  It would have been our 56th wedding anniversary.  The love in my heart for Floyd and for our special days didn't stop when he passed away.  If anything, these days are even more special to me.  I'm grateful for every year we had together - and my heart still celebrates as the years pass on by. 

"Be cheerful with joyous celebration in every season of life.  Let your joy overflow!"  Philippians 4:4  TPT 

"A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance."  Ecclesiastes 3:4

"This is the day which the Lord has made.  We will rejoice and be glad in it."  Psalm 118:24

I'm grateful for these days coming up - joy and sadness mixed together......and God's goodness is the cherry on top!

The Rock of Ages

It's been a full week for me preparing for the radiation therapy I'll have in the coming weeks.  I’m at peace with the plans and I’m trusting for good results. 

As I’ve prepared there has been a quote that has resonated in my heart!  It’s from a new book called “Kissing the Waves” by Val Kadalie, a lovely Christian lady here in Cape Town.  She quotes Charles Spurgeon:    "I have learned to kiss the waves that struck me against the Rock of Ages."

Pretty much every day I thank the Lord for being my Rock.  I cling to that Rock in all that I go through.  I couldn't make it without Him.  The firm, sure Rock of the Lord Jesus has been my strength and security in every challenge I've faced.  When the waves of trial, sickness, and suffering have hit - I've held on for life to the Rock of Ages.

"I love you, Lord, my strength.  The Lord is my Rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my Rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.  I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved."  Psalm 18:1-3 

"He is the Rock, His work is perfect; for all His ways are justice, a God of truth and without injustice; righteous and upright is He." Deuteronomy 32:4

"The Lord is my Rock and my fortress and my deliverer."  2 Samuel 22:2

"The Lord lives!  Blessed be my Rock!  Let God be exalted, the Rock of my salvation."  2 Samuel 22:47 

"Truly my soul silently waits for God; from Him comes my salvation.  He only is my Rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved."  Psalm 62:1,2

How grateful I am for the Lord Jesus, my Rock!

He Names the Stars

The complications that I’ve been having from my cancer have gotten worse.  After consulting with the team of doctors that care for me, we have decided on a course of radiology therapy.  Obviously that is daunting for me, but… 

One evening recently, I went outside to watch the International Space Station fly overhead.  It was quite amazing.  It moved so fast, but was visible for 6 minutes.  I also loved seeing all the stars - millions of them shining so brightly.  The planet Jupiter was incredibly bright and seemed so close.

As I observed all this, I felt the Lord comforting my heart that heaven is so close by - He is so close by!  It was a beautiful reassurance of God's presence and closeness.

"Praise Him, sun and moon;  Praise Him, all stars of light!  Praise Him, highest heavens."  Psalm 148:3,4

"Look up into the heavens.  Who created all the stars?  He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name."  Isaiah 40:26

"He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them.  Great is our Lord and abundant in strength; His understanding is infinite."  Psalm 147:4,5

The One who knows the stars by name also knows every detail of our lives.  He is with us and He is for us.  He is always working for good in the things we face.  He is with us each and every day.  He is so faithful!

Don't Give Anxiety a Minute!

This past week I experienced some difficult complications from the cancer I’m battling.  They came on suddenly, no warning, seemingly out of nowhere.  They were traumatic.  I've had them before, but it was still a shock when they hit my body.  Usually they are months apart.  This time I had 2 rounds of them just 3 days apart.  I was still trying to recover from the first round when the 2nd round hit.

All this has left me feeling anxious.  I don't know when I'll be "hit" again.  I've dealt with anxiety before in the last hard years, but this is anxiety at a new and deeper level.  I'm having to learn how to press deeper into the Lord, to cling to Him each time I feel anxious.

I've learned through the years that I will deal with something, learn from it and how to cope with it.  I then feel like I've "conquered" the lesson.....but it will come up again.  It's not that I've failed or haven't learned the lesson - it's just the Lord allowing me to learn it at a much deeper level.  I think that's what is happening now.  Fear, worry, and anxiety are not from the Lord!  Already I'm learning not to give the anxiety a minute's hold on my heart and mind.  I must take it immediately to the Lord to receive His peace and grace.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears."  Psalm 34:4

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles."  Psalm 34:17

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."  Psalm 94:19 

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7 

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."  2 Timothy 1:7

"Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you."  1 Peter 5:7 

"Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."  Matthew 6:34 

These are a small sampling of dozens and dozens of verses about not being anxious.  When anxiety crops up in my heart and mind - I proclaim and pray these verses.  It helps me immediately.  I'm so grateful I don't have to walk alone through the trials of life.  The Lord has already provided promises and instruction for how to deal with them.

The Power of His Sacrifice

A blessed Easter weekend to you!  How grateful I am for Jesus' sacrifice on the cross - and how amazed I am at His awesome resurrection.  Sorrow and joy all rolled into 3 days.  We have much to be thankful for!

I’ve shared recently in my updates about enduring and persevering.  I was taken aback by the responses I received - from all over the world, young and old, male and female.  It broke my heart as I thought of so many going through trials and sufferings.  What probably impacted me the most was that quite a few people said they had felt like quitting.  I'm not even sure what that would mean to each one, but it touched me deeply. 

My encouragement to each one is - don't quit!  Instead press in more deeply to Jesus.  Keep your eyes on Him.  Let Him carry you and lift your burdens.  He has done that for me over and over and over again.  I wouldn't still be standing except for His grace, strength, help, mercy, and love.  He has carried me through the storms.  He has given me His strength when I've been so very weak.  He has comforted my heart when I've been overwhelmed with sorrow.  He has been by my side when I've been lonely.  He has provided when I've had times of need.  And the wonderful thing is that He'll do the same for you!!! 

I've realized that when I focus on the problems rather than on Him, the problems seem to be bigger.  When I focus on Him, the problems lessen.  I've had to learn to pour out my heart to Him, even when I'm low and weak.  He is my refuge.  I can turn to Him with whatever I am facing.  When I'm wrapped up in my need - whatever it may be - it takes an effort of my will to turn instead to look at Him......but as I do it over and over, it becomes instinctive.  I don't have to think about it - my heart just immediately turns to Him.  And He is always there. 

As we celebrate His death and resurrection this weekend, may each one of us feel the power of what He's done for us. There is victory because of what Jesus went through and endured for us.  I'm humbled every time I think about it.

"I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ."  Ephesians 3:17,18 

"Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary."  Isaiah 40:30 NASB

"A bruised reed He will NOT break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out." Isaiah 42:3

"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."  Psalms 63:8

"Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass."  Psalm 37:5

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go."  Genesis 28:15

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

"And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:19 

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matthew 6:34

I find these scriptures - and sooo many more - to be "lifelines" that I hold on to when I'm going through a difficult time.  I speak them out as statements of faith and promise.  I pray them and ask the Lord to apply them to my situation.  He who has promised is faithful, and He will help each of us persevere and endure!!!

I was talking with a friend about how some had felt like quitting because of the hard times they were going through.  It reminded me of something that happened many years ago.  We were going through a stretching time in our ministry.  It was intense and very stressful.  One day I decided I was going to leave.  I went to the closet and got my suitcase out.  Then I stood and looked at it, and realized I had nowhere to go......and no money to get me anywhere.  I started laughing at the foolishness of it.  I laughed and laughed so hard.....until I felt better, and then put my suitcase back in the closet.  That deep laughter relieved the stress build up.  I thanked the Lord for it. 

As I thought about this, I thought of how Jesus many times "withdrew from the crowds" to spend time with the Father.  He wasn't quitting.  He was just strengthening Himself in the Lord to keep going.  He knew He needed some peace and quiet.  He needed to pour out His heart to the Father.  He needed fresh strength and grace to continue. 

This reminded me of another time in my life.  We were in Kabul, Afghanistan leading a community of hippies - many new Christians, and others who were on their way to meeting Jesus.  It was a 24/7 type of "job."  Our little daughter was a few weeks old.  I was feeling overwhelmed by everything, and just needed some peace and quiet.  I asked a friend, a fellow missionary, if I could spend the day at her house.  I bundled up my little baby, took my Bible, and a notepad to write down my thoughts - and off we went.

Miraculously, my little one slept most of the day - absolutely unheard of.  She was usually wide awake ready to see the world around her.  As she slept, I poured out my heart to the Lord - my tiredness, my feeling like I just couldn't do everything, my concerns about bringing up our little one in such an unusual environment - the list was long.  It was one of two times in my life where I've felt like the Lord "dictated" answers to me - and poured His soothing balm over my weary heart.  I went home that evening with a carefree heart.  Every burden had been lifted from my heart, and fresh strength and grace had been ministered into my body and spirit.

Perhaps when we're overwhelmed and feel like quitting - what we need is to just get away and pour out our hearts to the Lord.  Maybe to a quiet park or beach - or like me, to a friend's peaceful house.  Like Jesus, we need to "withdraw from the crowds" and let the Father minister His peace.  The Bible says Jesus understands everything we go through because He went through the same things.  He understands when we feel overwhelmed and burdened.  He showed us how to handle that!

"Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because He was tempted in every way that we are.  But He did not sin!  So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God.  There we will be treated with undeserved grace, and we will find help.  Hebrews 4:15,16  CEV

"Jesus often withdrew to lonely place and prayed."  Luke 5:16

"After He had sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray."  Matthew 14:23

"After bidding them farewell, He left for the mountain to pray."  Mark 6:46 

"Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray."  Luke 5:16

Jesus withdrew to prepare for what was ahead. (Forty days in the wilderness to prepare for His public ministry.)  He spent time alone to deal with grief.  (After John the Baptist was beheaded.)  He went away to recover from exhaustion after giving out to the crowds of people.  He spent time with the Father when facing a big decision. (Before choosing His 12 disciples.)  When facing distress and hard times, He withdrew. (Right before He was arrested, He spent time in prayer receiving strength for what was ahead.)  He spent time alone in prayer many times during ministering to the crowds.  He understood the need for solitude and time alone with His Father.

We have His wonderful example to follow when we get overwhelmed with the cares of life.  We don't need to quit - we just need to withdraw and spend time with Him.

Trust Him With the Whys

I imagine that most of us have at some time asked the "why?" question.  Why haven't I been healed?  Why was my prayer not answered?  Jesus himself asked the Father "why have you forsaken me?"  I asked the "why" question several times while Floyd was sick.  The answer I got every time was to trust Him - that Floyd was not forgotten.  That He had a plan.  Someday I'll fully understand that plan.

I love "The Chosen" series.  I'm just watching all three seasons over again.  They minister to me each time.  There is a scene in Season 3, Episode 2 entitled "Two by Two."  Jesus has just told the disciples that He is sending them out in pairs to preach the Gospel and do signs and wonders.  It is a surprise to them, and they are processing what it means.

Little James goes to ask Jesus a question.  He wonders how he can heal others when he himself hasn't been healed - and he asks Jesus why He hasn't healed him.  It's a poignant scene - and one that spoke directly to me!

Jesus explains that He hasn't healed him because He trusts him.  God has a plan for him, but it's a bit of a mystery.  God will use him "in spite" of not being healed.  And He asks Little James to, in turn, trust Him.

I so identify with that conversation!  I pray for healing - but I also tell the Lord I trust Him.  I know that "His ways are higher than my ways."  I know that He gives me daily strength and grace in spite of not being healed.  I read this quote - "One day you'll see why God made you wait."  That day may not be until heaven, but someday we'll understand all the "whys."

Jesus makes it clear that He uses us whether we're healed and get our answers or not.  He has a plan!  I trust His plan.

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid."  Psalm 56:3,4

"The Lord is my strength and my shield.  My heart trusts Him."  Psalm 28:7

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs3:5,6

"He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord."  Psalm 112:7

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act."  Psalm 37:5

"Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."  Psalm 62:8

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God."  Psalm 20:7

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.  Trust in the Lord, forever, for the Lord, the Lord Himself, is the ROCK eternal."  Isaiah 26:3,4

I'm so grateful that I can "pour out my heart" to Him.  He is my Refuge, my Rock!  I speak that out to Him pretty much daily.  I give my "why" questions to Him and trust Him because He is completely trustworthy.  And I'm grateful that He trusts me.

Last year a UK publisher reissued Floyd's book - "The Father Heart of God."  It's only the UK edition, not the US.  I love to read and have a continual stack of books that I'm working my way through.  The stack never gets finished as I keep adding to it.  I'm a bit old fashioned - I don't like reading online.  I like holding the book in my hands. :)

I just finished a book and was looking at what I'd read next - when my eye caught the new "Father Heart" book.  Floyd wrote the book long ago in 1985 - 38 years ago.  I'm amazed and grateful that it is still selling and ministering to people.

As I've read the book, I've been so blessed.   It's "fresh" - could have been written a few months ago rather than all those years ago.  God must certainly have had His hand on Floyd in writing it.  My heart has been captured afresh by the Father's love.  Page after page feels like it's speaking right to me.  I wish I could tell Floyd how much I'm loving reading it.

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him."  Psalm 103:13

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are."  1 John 3:1

"Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!"  Matthew 7:11,12

" 'And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me,' says the Lord Almighty."  2 Corinthians 6:18

"We love, because He first loved us."  1 John 4:19

"For God loved the world in this way:  He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."  John 3:16

I have truly fallen in love with the Father all over again - and received His love for me in fresh ways.  I'm so grateful for Floyd's book!

Our Lifeguard Walks on Water

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with those who have suffered in the Turkey/Syria earthquake.  I can't begin to imagine the horror of it all.  Some stories have begun to come out, however, that are very encouraging.  Both  journalists and aid workers have said that many of those rescued reported having a "man in white" come to them with food and water.  Some said that he lifted the concrete off of them to protect them.  I worshipped and thanked the Lord when I read these reports. 

It made me think of all the instances when I knew the Lord was with me during these recent difficult years - especially when Floyd was in the hospital.  I never saw a "man in white," but I felt the Lord's presence with me time and time again.  There were a couple times when I felt His loving arms around me - supporting me, caring for me, strengthening me.  I couldn't have made it on my own.

I'll never forget the day early on when Floyd was in ICU and was going to have surgery.  The doctor said he probably wouldn't survive the surgery, but without it he would surely die.  I told the surgeon I was praying for a miracle.  Hours later - much longer than the surgery was supposed to be - the surgeon came out and told our family.  "You might have had your miracle!  When we went in to operate, the things that had been viewed on the scan and MRI were no longer there.  There was nothing for us to do."  They called in the radiologist and asked him if he could explain what had happened.  They thought he had messed up in taking the scans. 

That was just one of so many experiences of seeing God's hand at work.  On days when I'm asking for fresh answers to prayer, I find it helpful to remember what He's done in the past.  Hearing of the "man in white" from the earthquake rescues is also a wonderful reminder than God is with us in our difficulties and intervenes in impossible ways.  We're never alone!

"Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job.  Instead, be glad that you are in the thick of what Christ experienced.  This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner."  1 Peter 4:12,13  The Message

Honestly, I have a hard time thinking of how my suffering relates to the suffering that Christ endured.  But I do know that I have a choice of how to go through my suffering - moaning, groaning and complaining......or keeping my eyes on Him and worshipping Him.  My choice makes all the difference! 

"What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?"  Romans 8:31

"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."  Psalm 63:8 

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8 

"We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed."  2 Corinthians 4:7-9

Not crushed, not in despair, not abandoned, not destroyed.  Yes, we go through hard times - trials, sickness, weakness, suffering.....but it's not a defeat.  God is always, always, always with us to help us through those times.  It's good to call to mind how He's helped us in the past!!

The last few days the words enduring and perseverance have been in my thoughts almost constantly.  I looked up their definitions.  Enduring is to last over a long period of time.  Perseverance is to continue in spite of difficulty or delay.  I guess I can relate to both!!  It's easy in a time of prayer or worship to commit to persevering - but the day-to-day reality of it is something very different. 

I'm coming up to 9 years of battling cancer.  And 20 months after I began that journey, Floyd was struck down and began his long silent journey.  I remember standing by his bed in ICU on day 3 praying with him just before the doctor was going to do a procedure to slow his heart that was beating much too fast.  We committed our lives and the future into God's hands.

The doctor told me that the treatment might affect Floyd in an unusual way for some hours.  He was right!  Floyd started talking about things that made no sense.  April, a dear ICU nurse, was with me at Floyd's bed while he explained that our 50th wedding anniversary was the next year.  To celebrate, we were going on a round-the-world trip to 50 countries!  That sounded like an absolute nightmare to me, but Floyd was very excited and continued to talk about it.  That was my last conversation with him.  I guess he was a visionary as long as he had a voice to speak.

A few hours later his heart stopped.  He was then in a coma - and then silent, never to speak again.  I then began a journey of enduring, persevering......through each day, sometimes through just the next hour.  It was intense as his organs began to shut down, and various things attacked his body.  I remember reading this quote - "When you feel like you're drowning in life, don't worry.  Your lifeguard walks on water."  I clung to that lifeguard minute by minute.  And have continued to do so as I cared for Floyd and continued my cancer battle.  There were definitely moments when I felt like I was drowning, but Jesus held my hand and kept me afloat.

I've never been a quitter.  When I start something, I always want to finish it - be it something big or small.  But enduring and persevering through these last years has seemed impossible at times.  But God!!  His Word has strengthened and encouraged me time and time again!  Oh how precious is the Word of God!

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him."  James 1:12

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"We glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."  Romans 3:3-5

"Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus."  Hebrews 12:1,2

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  James1:2-4 

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised."  Hebrews 10:36

"If we endure, we will also reign with Him."  2 Timothy 2:12

"We count as blessed those who have persevered.  You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about.  The Lord is full of compassion and mercy."  James 5:11 

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  Galatians 6:9

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I said to myself, 'the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.' "  Lamentations 3:22-24

"Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.  Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways."  Proverbs 4:25,26 

"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."  Isaiah 46:4

I've shared lots of scriptures because these are ones that have helped me endure and persevere.  There are many others!  There is strength to be found in reading His word - clinging to it - as we walk through a difficult time.  His word and His presence with us, holding our right hand, will get us through!

I read somewhere - "Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other."  I have faced countless short races, and I continue to do so.  God's grace, strength, love, wisdom, and help has gotten me through.  He has helped me to endure and persevere - and He will help you too!!!