The Art of Conversation

“A conversation, even a brief one, should have all the best features of any functioning human relationship, and that means genuine interest on both sides, opportunity and respect for both to express themselves, and some dashes of tact and perception.  Conversation can be such pleasure that it is criminal to exchange comments so stale that neither really listens”   Barbara Walters from The Marginalian

Great conversationalists listen more than they speak, but when they do speak, they express genuine interest in the other person.  At the heart of good conversation is the ‘value’ of others.

“I happen to disagree with the well-entrenched theory that the art of conversation is merely the art of being a good listener.  Such advice invites people to be cynical with one another and full of fake; when a conversation becomes a monologue, poked along with tiny cattle-prod questions, it isn’t a conversation any more.  It is a strained, manipulative game, tiring and perhaps even lonely.  Maybe the person doing the talking enjoys himself at the time, but I suspect he’ll have uncomfortable afterthoughts about it; certainly his audience has had a cheerless time.” Basrbara Walters

To be an artful conversationalist, one must learn to…

  • put themselves and others at ease

  • establish common interests

  • involve everyone in the conversation

  • be genuinely interested in others - even the ‘bore’

  • adopt an attitude of ‘learner’

Being adept at introductions is a key to starting a good conversation.  Awkward introductions often lead to awkward conversations.  There are three ingredients to a good introduction:

  1. When saying who the person is use their name and title, including Dr., Rev., Prof., or simply Mr., Mrs., or Ms.

  2. Address the person with greatest honor, rank or age first, e.g., ”Prof. and Mrs. Brown, I would like to introduce to you Ms. Jones…”  In our very informal Western cultures many young adults have never learned the courtesy of making a good introduction.

  3. Give a little detail of their relevance, i.e. how you relate to one another or the event

When training younger leaders a few years back, Sally and I taught how to make an introduction and we practiced until everyone was at ease with this lost art.

Steps to greater depth of conversation:

  • Recognize and acknowledge the value of the other person

  • Introduce a topic of conversation with a short statement of personal belief or opinion

  • Pursue the topic with thoughtful comments followed by a further question

  • Confirm the validity of the other person’s opinion or emotions even if you disagree

  • Share personal feelings or experiences without dominating or being disagreeable

  • Hear what other people are saying versus what they are telling you

Remember:  directness in conversation is the privilege of intimate friendship.  One can be honest while being tactful and sensitive.

To end a conversation politely:

  • Address the person by name and thank them for taking the time to speak with you, or:

  • Ask the person to give your regards to their friend or spouse etc., or:

  • Tell the person you are glad to have been able to hear their perspective and to connect with them.

On a personal note:  While living in Afghanistan many years ago, Sally and I were invited to the home of the American ambassador.  We were out of our depth for sure.  We were the hippy couple trying to act natural with heads of NGO’s, business people, a few CIA types, and an ambassador or two thrown in.  At a certain point, the assistant to the American ambassador made the rounds and politely said, “Thank you for coming this evening.  The ambassador would like to greet you as you go.  He will be by the main door for the next 30 minutes…”  It was time to end the conversations!

One more quote from Barbara Walters about escaping from tedious conversationalists:

“I’m not in favor of escape as a unilateral policy.  There are painful, tedious people in abundance and some of them must be suffered kindly, maybe even until they run down and have nothing more to say.  Things being what they are in the world today, we are more and more driven to depend on one another’s sympathy and friendship in order to survive emotionally…    Furthermore, warm, sustaining relationships become especially important during those periods when we are our least loveable.  People bursting with good will and abundance of mental health are charming company; their need for ego-boosting, however, is minimal.  People sinking into self-pity and depression are dreary, but they can’t get out of it by themselves.  So every now and then, just sit there and listen, listen, listen.  You’re paying your membership dues in the human race.”

The way Walters advocates for listening as an act of sorely needed compassion, especially in those conversations where our impulse may be to flee, is essential in learning to value others no matter their likability.  Her warm wisdom rings all the more urgent, even if more difficult to enact, in our age of online conversation, characterized by a propensity for knee-jerk reaction instead of thoughtful response.

Nothing is quite so rare as a great conversationalist.  Artful conversations don’t take place by accident, and are the result of intentionality, courtesy, humility and regular practice.  Enjoy!

Learning to Love People You Don't Like

I wrote a book by that title.  It sold well.  Better than the earlliest edition of the book, titled, 'Father, Make Us One'.  I think people appreciate the 'realness' of the new title. It's hard to love some people.  If you're like me, I enjoy some people, patiently endure others, and actively seek to avoid a few.  That's brutally honest, but needs to be said if you're going to believe anything I write on this topic.

Love...real love...is not all about squishy, warm feelings of affection and devotion.  Love is hard.  At least, Jesus found it that way.

Jesus had a lot of disciples, and he chose to spend more time with some than others.

Jesus has to be our source of guidance when it comes to loving those we do church and life with.  I think we fear turning to Jesus’ words and example because deep down we know He is going to tell us to get over ourselves,  forgive and give everything up for people we hate being around.

But that is not the case.  Jesus also endured some of his disciples and avoided others.  Quite a few of his team members left him.  He confronted some of them, and a few, a small handful, became really close friends.

So how do we deal with loving people we don’t like?  Here are a few guidelines that have served me well over the years, hard learned guidelines, I might add:

1. Be honest with yourself and with God.  Spirituality is not genuine if it is not honest.  God loves truth in our inner selves.  Truth is not just who God is, a statement of doctrine, but also how we approach God.

So, if you are struggling to love or like someone, put words on that feeling to the Lord.  If they irritate you, tell God.  If they hurt you, express that to Him.  If they are offensive, say so to Him.  Tell God how you feel about that person...share with Him the deep truth of your heart.  He can handle it and you won't grow unless you're honest.

Tell him your struggles, then take the next step in the journey of healthy Jesus style love...

2. Ask God to let you see people with His eyes.  To see them as He sees them.  Seriously, this is not a spiritual cop-out.  If you want to mature in your love for people, you need to develop breadth in your love of people.

Get a bigger heart.  Ask God to help you grow greater breadth, greater capacity for loving people who are different to you.  If you want a greater influence on people for the kingdom of God, you need to grow in your appreciation of different kinds of people.

That doesn’t mean you are going to fall head over heals in love with every person you work with, but it does mean that you are going to learn to view them with respect and appreciation.  To have a greater awareness of their upbringing, their culture, their unique personality (given to them by God, by the way), and their special contribution to God's kingdom.

3.  Give yourself freedom to enjoy some friendships while you tolerate others.  You won't connect deeply with everyone.  You need some close friendships in your life if you are to survive and thrive as a leader.

4.   Lastly, work hard on overcoming pain and disappointment.  One of the greatest hindrances to loving the people we work with in a healthy way, is unresolved pain in our relationships.  If your reservoir of pain is getting bigger and bigger with time, the dam will eventually burst and anger, resentment, avoidance and all manner of negative emotions will flow out.

God teaches us to love by allowing, and sometimes even causing, us to be with people who offend or annoy us.  Don’t bury your irritation or pain with these people.  Don’t ignore your disappointments with them.  Deal with your pain daily with God.  Keep short accounts.  Pray for compassion.  Forgive them when they hurt you.  Keep on forgiving every time you think of them, until God releases His love in your heart for them.

Love is multi-faceted.  Set your sights on learning to love people you don't like.  Meanwhile, enjoy the ones you do!

Update After Round Four

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Dear Faithful Intercessors and Friends, When I went in last week for chemo, they said my blood work showed my numbers were too low to do the treatment. They wanted to do the blood work again that morning. I sat waiting for a couple hours and finally "passed." My neutrophils were a bit below minimum, my white cells just above.....so they let me have the treatment. The chemo has been moving along successfully, so I was hoping not to break the rhythm!

I also got some good news from the doctor! I had done a CT scan the day before. It showed a slight improvement in the right kidney we've been praying for that wasn't functioning because the large tumor had blocked it. That is encouraging news! Please keep praying for a full miracle of restoration.

I've been through hard times physically before. I can even say now that I'm grateful for them because walking through them has given me "tools" for dealing with this hard time. But I have to say that cancer is a different beast.......in a league of its own! It affects every part of the body. It impacts the mind and emotions. It touches on the heart - the spiritual realm because it's dealing with life and death. It impacts relationships - some people have a hard time dealing with it themselves so they don't know how to relate to me. It is so all consuming!

Because of the impact on every part of my life, I've sometimes felt like I'm broken into lots of pieces......and I'm just trying to keep it all together. A friend sent me the photo and definition that I've attached to this update. Kintsukuroi pottery......more beautiful and very costly for having been broken and repaired with gold or silver. As I pondered and prayed over this photo my friend sent, I heard the sweet voice of the Lord saying I would come out of this season more beautiful than before. In fact, that's what God wants to do in all our lives when we go through the difficult seasons. The hard time is not the end! God is using the difficulty to make us more like Him with His gold repair work in our lives. The piece of pottery is beautiful....more so for the gold worked into it!!

As you know, Floyd is away for 10 days. I was quite concerned about how I'd do without him. I have become so dependent on him. We're half way thru his time away. His trip has been good - we'll share news when he returns.

One day while Floyd's been away I was thanking the Lord for the sweetness of His presence. I felt I could almost touch Him - He felt so close. In that moment, I realized that "aloneness" is an illusion that the enemy tries to burden us with. I can't see the Lord, but I'm not alone. He is so with me!!! And because of Him, every moment of my life is good and meaningful.....even these chemo ones that I don't like.

AND - I've done well this round while Floyd has been away. :) Your prayers have been carrying me.....and have been answered. Thank you!

With our love & gratitude, Sally & Floyd

Why Some Leaders Fail to Get Things Done

When leaders fail to get the ‘main thing’ done it is because of one simple, fatal shortcoming: failure to perform. It is not a lack of vision, or shortage of brainpower. It is the inability to act decisively when decisive action is called for. When asked why Microsoft rose to the top amongst so many competing computer companies, some of which had better products, Bill Gates said: “Immediate and massive action.”

It’s as simple as that: not getting things done, being indecisive… not delivering on the goods. Failure as a leader is never final, and sometimes it can be influenced by flawed strategy, refusal to confront reality in their area of responsibility, etc. etc. but the greatest cause of leadership failure is failure to execute the ‘main thing’. Good leaders learn to focus on one thing… the main thing.

In a local church or missional community the same principle applies. Churches that stagnate do so because of a lack of passionate, focused vision from their senior leader. This ‘vision void’… not focusing on the main thing, results in a lack of motivation in people to ‘make it happen’.

Why do Leaders Fail to Get Things Done?

Why do leaders fail to execute? There are many obvious reasons, including personality, gift-mix and experience. But there seems to be a pattern in recent firings in the business community that shed light on why leaders fail to perform. Church leaders would do well to learn from their secular counterparts.

Failure to put the right people in the right jobs. Leaders who don’t deal with people-problems quickly allow those few subordinates with sustained poor performance to deeply harm their endeavor. Most leaders usually know when there is a problem; their inner voice tells them to act, but they suppress it.

This tendency in some leaders to suppress their inner voice can be due to a lack of emotional strength. Emotional strength to seek information and input from multiple sources, to deal with conflict, to resist denial and take the necessary steps to deal with the problem in time.

Leaders lacking in emotional strength often justify their failure to deal with problem people by making excuses…

“He has to succeed.” Such a leader may be the victim of mental or emotional seduction. Convinced that his ‘hand picked’ subordinate will succeed regardless. If the protégé fails, and this leader cannot bring himself to face the failure, he is in big trouble.

“He’s my guy!” This is a problem of blind loyalty. Maybe they have worked together for a long time or there is a deep bond of relationship. In this case, a subordinate who is failing to grow, or lacking the skills necessary to get the job done, will continue on without consequence as his leader, ‘blinded’ by loyalty, fails to act.

“I can coach him.” If the subordinate is not a quick learner, then the organization or ministry will downgrade to the skill and management level of the person in charge.

“The people like him – he must be okay.” Some subordinates forge links with others so as to build a power base for their continued service. Others build connections with the board, or donors. However, poor performance is poor performance, and no matter how nice or well liked, if this person is not removed, they will hinder the organizations ability to fulfill its mission.

“There is a lot of transition going on, and many people have left already, people won’t like it if he leaves.” If the subordinate is failing, delaying taking action just makes the problem worse. Transition is probably the best time to make changes. Rather get it done while things are up in the air, instead of waiting for things to settle only to disrupt them again.

“He’s in the job, and I will take the devil I know over the devil I don’t know.” Such a leader may be insecure over his ability to hire the right person, especially if it is someone from outside the organization. There may be a fear that the new person will not fit into the culture and values of the group.

A leader does not need to be ruthless to get things done. Successful leaders have an inner value that drives them: ‘people first…strategy second’. This points to the need for a leader to make sure they have top caliber, committed, hard working people on their team, who will follow their example to focus on the ‘main thing’.

The excuses of those leaders who fail to execute are often unconscious but in actuality they are mechanisms for conflict avoidance, and they prolong the inevitable.

Below are some significant hindrances to getting things done:

  1. Commitment to a favorite organizational model.

  2. Consensus decision-making.

  3. Losing sight of the main thing and making the process the end goal.

  4. Cliques.

  5. Changing vision often, the “flavor of the month” version of leadership.

  6. Failure to do whatever has to be done to achieve results. Failed leaders ask, “Why can’t people do it themselves?” or “Why can’t people solve problems without my help?”

  7. Denial. Leaders who fail to execute avoid facing the realities of their situation. They quickly end up becoming prisoners of one or two friends, listening to the ‘Pollyanna’ reports they love to hear. Some just can’t take responsibility for failure, so they blame others or circumstances for lack of results. They may have gotten used to winning for so long, all the way back to high school sports or college politics, that they can’t face the reality that they have to change things immediately if they are to be successful. Typically, they can’t believe that when something is going wrong, it is their fault.

The best thing that could happen to some of these leaders is a good, straight talk. But who is going to do them such a favor? Subordinates tend to keep their senior leader happy by feeding their ego. These leaders need to be taken to the woodshed. Deep down, they may even want it, but they are afraid to reveal their deep insecurities. Some of these poor leaders sit in a cocoon of isolation at the pinnacle of their career. They can’t see the seeds of destruction slowly growing under the surface.

Danger: there is a fine line between denial and optimism. A senior leader has the twin responsibility of being a cheerleader and the one to call the hard shots. A great leader acknowledges the negatives while providing hope and confidence. Warren Buffet warns, “The senior leader who misleads others in public eventually misleads himself in private.” It is called deception. Leaders who can’t face reality, don’t want to.

Deniers tend to be inveterate optimists, seduced by past glory and living in the hope of future success.

Leaders who fail to perform are typically the kind of people who serve on too many boards, attend too many meetings, travel too much, and have too many irons in the fire. They see themselves as ambassadors for their movement. They are dabblers, unfocused. Whatever the cause, indecisiveness takes over, and they fail to lead effectively.

Effective leaders use decision-making processes to drive results, not delay them. They start by focusing on initiatives that are clear, specific and few, and they don’t launch a new one until those in process are embedded in the DNA.

Effective Leaders are implementers through a process that seems simple, even obvious, but has profound effects. They note at the end of meetings who is to do what, by when. This type of leader goes over action steps with everyone before the meeting closes, and they probably send each one a reminder afterward.

It is fascinating to watch what happens when a leader who executes well brings these habits into a company where they didn’t exist before. The whole tone changes. People prepare for meetings differently. They interact differently. They stay focused. Commitments are highly valued. Great leaders hold people accountable, always.

Keeping track of critical assignments, following up, evaluating performance – isn’t that kind of, well, boring? It may well be. It’s a grind. At least, plenty of intelligent, never-the-less failed, leaders say so. And in a way you can’t blame them. It is hard work to lead well. It takes discipline, faithfulness, and follow through.

The problem with leaders who fail to execute is not a lack of brains or ability nor a lack of clear goals or strategy. It is the failure to make things happen. The problem with these leaders is drive. They find no reward in getting the job done, or finishing well. They find no incentive in continually improving how things are done. Failed Leaders ask, “Why don’t people follow through on things I ask them?” They’re afraid of appearing too controlling, of “micro-managing.”

Great leaders succeed because they have a desire to compete - all the time. They have a willingness to confront.b They get a charge out of pushing a thing to completion, out of improving and then improving some more. They love to set up systems and get the right people to run them. That is why they are so hungry for information, for reports from the battlefield. Effective leaders have a strong external focus and get stimulated by details of what’s happening in their area of responsibility. The details others find boring. They are haunted by the very real possibility that the boss is the last to know. To prevent this from happening, they ask hard questions. They pull in loads of data.

Great leaders know that having the right strategy is important, but it is only half the battle. Someone has to make it happen, and stick with it to improve it and make it work, day-in and day-out. That responsibility cannot be delegated to a second in command or an executive pastor or CEO.

Profile of a Leader Who Gets Things Done

  • Decisiveness: the senior leader faces conflict, pressure, internal dissent and fear of rejection with equanimity. They do what has to be done to get the job done and get it done right. They know the main thing and will not be deterred from seeing it accomplished.

  • Character: integrity, maturity, and spiritual energy. Self-confidence is essential.

  • People skills: judging, building teams, growing and coaching people, firing where necessary.

  • Business acumen: instinctive feel for how a company makes money, and a corresponding understanding of how to make that happen.

  • Organizational ability: engender trust, share information, listen expertly, diagnose problems and know how to bring about full potential; they deliver on commitments, are decisive, attract good staff and set up effective systems.

  • Insatiable curiosity: intellectual capacity, global mindset, externally oriented, adept at connecting developments and spotting patterns. They read and ask questions, lots of them.

  • Superior judgment: good observation skills, discerning, listening, good counselors, they have a foundation of moral principles and convictions to build on.

  • Hungry for growth and accomplishment: result oriented, focused, faithful, follow through, willing to say no. They are ambitious in the best meaning of the word.

  • Learners: motivated to improve, to learn from mistakes, gatherers of information, inspired to know and convert what they learn into practice.

  • Vision: they see the outcome and work toward it with tremendous focus and energy. Outcome oriented.

  • Knowing the main thing: Leaders have one primary responsibility, and that is to see to it that the main thing is always the main thing. They know that in the end, winning popularity contests won’t produce results. So they get the job done.

In the Christian arena, these leaders usually don’t have a great number of 'hang-out' friends, but they respect people and treat them well. They are focused, they live with a driving ambition to fulfill their calling. They want to finish the race and win the prize.

Ten Keys for Casting a Compelling Vision

1. Make sure it is clear in your own mind.   

What is the vision that burns in your heart in 25 words or less. If you need hundreds of words to summarize it, it's not compelling.

2. What did God say?   

Share the story of your spiritual journey and the amazing “co-incidences” that convince you that the vision is from God, how it gripped your heart, that it's something you are willing to give your life to.

3. Share it with change agents first.  

 Win key decision makers over, before you go public. Follow the appropriate process and protocol to have the vision approved. Meet with them one-on-one and inspire them with the vision that grips your heart.

4. Paint a compelling picture.   

Stir the hearts and minds of people to mobilize them to work together to bring about the vision. Vision precedes reality. Visionaries stir people to action by creating a picture in their minds of what can happen. Share the opportunities more than the needs. Build with inspiration, not shame or guilt. Inspire people with what will happen when the vision is accomplished. If you want to build a ship, describe the ocean you will sail on more than the wood you will build with!

5. Share your vision consistently.   

Changing from one vision to another creates confusion and lack of credibility where trust is quickly lost. Stick to your vision and share it everywhere and with everyone!

6. Proclaim the vision as widely as possible.   

The vision should be given visibility. Cast it from the platform, in newsletters, via video, on audio tape. Use slogans, banners and brochures. Drive it home to your staff, board, friends, family, leaders, and supporters.

7. Share your vision over and over again.    

Sharing vision takes time, effort and sacrifice. It requires planning and effort, with continuity and repetition. It must gain trust through consistency and perseverance. It must be perceived as more than a pipe dream. It takes ruthless determination, unswerving dedication, relentless tenacity, and honest evaluation. Repeat the vision every time you meet. Never presume that people remember why they are working so hard and meeting so much.

8. Connect from the heart.   

Share from your heart what motivates you. Be personal. Let people know how you feel about the vision, and their part in it. Find out what motivates them, and what they dream about. Find out what makes them tick, their concerns, their fears. Express your need for them – and tell them why.

9. Tell your vision passionately.  

 If you are not excited and committed, will others be? Share the stories of how people are buying in to the vision and how they are making it happen in their lives. Story, story, story!

10. Build a team that owns the vision.   

Share ownership with others. Speak of “our” vision and what “we” are doing. Delegate important responsibilities to key people, but make sure they understand the values the vision is built on. Ask their input, listen to their criticism, start where they are, evaluate frequently and go together toward the goal. Have ideals but avoid idealism. Start where people are at. Encourage their hearts and listen to them in order to work a 'fit' that gives them a share in what is being built.

Four Questions to Ask When Dealing With Disappointment

A young man, whom I respect, recently asked me for some insight on dealing with a situation that brought him much disappointment. He had been journaling and reflecting on his experience but wanted some help in processing it constructively. I encouraged him to ask himself four questions as a way of turning his disappointment into an opportunity for learning and growth. These questions are also helpful in processing the pain we experience in disappointment…

  1. “What was life giving about the situation?”    Rather than asking in an accusing voice, “Why did You do that to me?” I have learned to ask, “What do You want to teach me through this, God?” To ask myself, “What was God up to? What did I learn? What good came out of it?” It is important to see the hand of God in the choices we make. To know and believe that God is guiding and using every circumstance of our lives to work in us, to shape us, to teach us. I believe these questions can focus us on what God is doing instead of what we want a situation to be.

  2. “What is it I value about what I went through?”    Learn to look ‘behind’ what actually happened. Look deeper to find the principles and values that you learned which could lead you to greater maturity.

  3. “If I had three wishes concerning this situation, what would they be?”    This is where you can evaluate the situation, take what you have learned and see how you would do things differently if it happened again.

  4. “How do I put into practice what I have learned from this situation?”

A comment about disappointments: they are usually from unmet expectations. We can’t control every situation in life, but we can learn to define our expectations before we enter a situation. Then, if reality is different than what we expected, we can take those expectations to God and ask Him what we should do about them… Sometimes we just need to change our expectations, sometimes we need to surrender to God’s refining work, sometimes we need to realize that we did not research the situation adequately before hand, sometimes we need to simply forgive, and sometimes it’s a combination of all of the above.

There are three classical ways of dealing with disappointment and loss that hinder us instead of help us:

  1. Analyzing our disappointment intellectually. Avoiding the pain we feel prevents us from addressing our disappointment on a heart level.

  2. Blaming others. A “looking for the sin in the camp” approach to problem solving prevents us from learning and growing through a situation. It is usually a subtle way of punishing others for the pain we feel. Obviously, it does not release us to move on with our lives. We carry with us what we do not forgive.

  3. Seeing it as a spiritual matter. The devil may be at work, but he gets a lot more credit than he deserves. It is much more beneficial to discern what God is doing than what Satan is trying to do.

In my studies from the life of King David in the Old Testament, I have observed that his life was filled with disappointments. The Bible records David’s disappointments and his responses to them, honestly. I encourage you to study David’s life from this perspective.

David’s psalms of lament teach us the value of grieving loss in our lives. Grieving is only one aspect of dealing with disappointment, but it is a vital one. We cannot learn and grow if we do not know how to grieve well. Covering up or denying the pain of loss and disappointment does not make it go away. Those feelings remain deep inside us, eating away at us… Until we acknowledge our loss, embrace the sadness it brings, and accept our present circumstance, we cannot move forward emotionally or spiritually.

Worship does not only involve praise, it also means sacrifice. Bringing our sacrifice of sorrow over our loss is a form of worship that is precious to God. When I come to God and acknowledge what has been lost in my life, and present that loss to Him, it is my way of saying “I trust You. I look to You for help. I cannot deal with this disappointment by analyzing it in my mind, I need Your comfort for my soul.”

In the end, responding to God with trust in the face of disappointment is a profound form of worship… our way of bowing - mind, body and soul before Him.

Cancer and Joy - Carried Over the Wall

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When I was told that I had an ovarian tumor, a large almost 8 pound one, and then, subsequently, that it was malignant – my first thought was how am I going to get through the surgery and chemo treatment? It seemed like a huge, giant wall in front of me that I had no idea of how to get through or over.

Right at this time, I received an email from a dear friend in Indonesia. She was praying for me and was impressed with a picture in her mind for me. She actually drew it out for me.

The thought that kept coming to me was that Jesus would help me with the “wall” I saw in front of me. My friend’s drawing, and what she shared, was that Jesus was carrying me over a wall in this season. All I needed to do was relax, trust, and let Him carry me.  

That has been a HUGE unexpected joy, maybe more than joy, but certainly it was hope. I don’t have to work, earn, worry, do anything on my own. He is with me…I can let Jesus carry me.

And He is doing that, day by day. When I don’t think I can make it, when I am discouraged, I remember the picture of Him carrying me - and it gives me words to pray, “Lord Jesus, please carry me now.” And He does.

“The beloved of the Lord rests in safety – the beloved rests between his shoulders.” Deut. 33:12

Adventure With God

What makes an adventure an adventure? I got in trouble a few years back while speaking to a church in Canada.  As I introduced my wife, Sally, I said "she doesn’t like adventure, like I do...” The folks in the church had a good laugh at my expense. They knew Sally and the wild lifestyle she has lived for Jesus.

What I intended to say is that Sally is not an outdoors type, doesn’t climb mountains, hunt with a bow, other stuff I like to do. I was doing the thing a husband should never do, I was comparing Sally to me. I made myself the standard. Really dumb!

But adventure? Are you kidding, me? Sally is the epitome of adventure. She left home as young 16 year old from Texas, and journeyed by faith half-way around the world to Samoa. She lived in Afghanistan, where she gave birth to our first child with a mid-wife in Kabul, pioneered in the Red Light District of Amsterdam and shared her home with 35 long-haired drop-outs on two houseboats. See what I mean? I misspoke big time!!

What I should have said is, "what I have learned from Sally is that embracing adventure has nothing to do with personality or disposition". She is a high introvert, neat and tidy in everything.  But, more than her personality and love for order, is her heart to obey God.

So, to try and get this right, let me say what I think of when I think about adventure...

I think there are risks involved... some danger.

Adventure means difficulty... challenge... attempting the impossible... sacrifice.

There is the unknown... Adventure is not adventure if we know all the possibilities and control the outcomes.

Then there is the element of surprise... what if? What could go wrong?

And of course, when I hear the word adventure, I also think of fun, adrenalin, wild animals in Africa, the 'rush' of walking through the bush with hippos on your left and lions or elephants up ahead, tangible danger!

An adventure has drama and tension, like a great movie or a good story... take away the risk, the danger, the 'unknown’ and what you have is predictable, safe and boring... not an adventure at all!

Adventure also means comradeship... friendship. What’s an adventure without some friends to share it with?

An adventure is a mission. We were created for mission therefore we were created for adventure. God’s original plan for us was to join Him on His great mission on earth. That’s where the greatest comradeship exists.

We were made for God adventure. If we take God adventure out of our lives, then we will selfishly turn people or money into our adventure.

The Bible is full of stories of unlikely adventurers with God. I call them 'The Unlikelys'...

• Rehab - woman of disrepute, who helped spies escape capture

• Daniel - teenager taken hostage by the ISIS of the day

• Joseph – the rejected brother who was trafficked to a foreign land

• Abraham – a sheep farmer going where he did not know

• John Mark - Paul's rejected team member

• John - son of a self-righteous religious extremists

• Mary – who pondered a prophetic mystery

• Gideon - man of fear

• Hosea – who was led by God in the most unusual way

To take adventure out of following Jesus is to rob our life of spice. It removes the emotion from life. God’s invitation to adventure is like a fork in the road. If we say no to God everything in our life changes from that point on.

Think what would have changed if Esther had said no to the invitation from God to rescue her people?

What would have happened if the rich young ruler had said yes to Jesus’ command to sell everything he owned?

My advice? If life has become safe and stable and, let’s face it, boring, it’s time to get some adventure back! Take up the hobby you have always wanted to. Go camping, buy a bike, or take an art class. Do something fun!

And say yes to Jesus. Don’t negotiate. Don’t bargain. Just trust Him and say yes!

See where He leads!!!

Cancer and Joy - God's Compensations

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NO ONE WANTS CANCER! But after the initial shock of discovering I have cancer, I concluded that God was with me in this journey. Consequently, I could expect God to reveal Himself to me every step of the way, in small and great ways. Cancer is something that all of us fear – dread – don’t want – think will never happen to us, especially if we’ve been good about check ups, doctor’s appointments, etc. Which I always had been! But, it can happen to any of us - as I’ve just found out. There are no guarantees in life – young, old, in between, there are things we all go through. There are days when I still think this is a bad dream, and I’m going to wake up. It’s still a challenge to say the words – “I have cancer.”

I’ve found in my life that I go through seasons, good seasons, hard seasons, seasons I wish I didn’t have to go through. I’m in that third category now: cancer and chemo-therapy.

I have moments of courage in facing this season, and I have moments of weakness in thinking, ‘How in the world am I going to get through this?’

It’s not at all the season I was planning. My husband and I live in South Africa. We were in the midst of planning an extended visit to the U.S. to see family and friends, especially looking forward to time with the grandkids! We hadn’t been back for a visit like this for 2 years.

Then suddenly, cancer.

As much as I wish I wasn’t in this season, I have to say I’m finding small joys along the way.

That includes friends praying for me. I feel very “carried” by them. And I feel enveloped in peace and comfort from the Lord.

I guess the thing that has been most surprising to me is the moments of joy I’ve experienced. I’m calling them my “unexpected joys.” Even though God has given me wonderful gifts of joy all through life, I needed to open my eyes and heart to receive that in this difficult season. Once I did that – wow! I’ve had lots of it. I see and experience joy daily. Joy didn’t disappear because I have cancer. In fact, I think I’m more aware of it because it’s such a contrast to the heaviness of cancer.

God is the wonderful, gracious giver of joy in every season we walk through. There are moments I actually don’t want joy. I just want to curl up and sleep, hoping when I wake up that it has all gone away. But there it is, intervening, waking my soul to His goodness.

I learned many years ago that even in the hardest circumstances in life, I can look for the little things God brings to show His goodness. They are what I call “God’s compensations.” In so many ways He reminds me that He is “just in all His ways and kind in all His doings.” I’m finding His compensations of joy all around me in this season of cancer. They stare me in the face every day.

I’ll be sharing my “unexpected joys” on this blog. Being able to do that brought an immediate, unexpected anticipation: what will God do next that I can share with you? In the midst of it all, the pain, the nausea, the sleepless nights, there is a small stream of hope flowing through this hard season, breathing life into me.

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”   Psalm 30:5

Cancer and Joy - The Wrap-Around Presence

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One thing I certainly never thought about doing in life is the day I would walk into the chemo-therapy room - and I would be the patient. I had no idea what to expect or what would be happening to me. I had several surprises in store for me on this day that felt overwhelming.  When I was leaving home that morning, a friend met me at our gate and handed me a huge gift bag with the label “Sally’s hospital boredom gift bag.”  It contained all kinds of little items to help me get through the day. What a joy! I was so touched by her love and thoughtfulness…and it really helped: a devotional book, sweet lozenges, puzzle books to relieve the boredom, and more goodies.

When we arrived at the hospital, I quickly realized I was being treated in a world-class chemo program. Everything was very organized, very professional.

Then there was my delightful nurse, Lulu.  She patiently walked me through everything that happened to me. I’ve experienced some not so patient and not so kind nurses in my life, so Lulu was a true joy! She made me feel secure and cared for.

The steps in chemo-treatment may be mundane but they all have their place:

First. antihistamine in my bum – the right place for that!

Then a long list of IV drips, one after the other for about 6 hours:- Steroid

- Something to line the tummy - Anti-nausea - 1st chemo/2 bags – 3 hours - Saline - 2nd chemo - More saline

The chemo immediately felt “heavy” entering my body. I could feel the effect of it all the way into my legs. I had questions  because of things I was experiencing, and Lulu answered every question. She was so kind, and caring.  What a gift she was.

I was the 2nd person to arrive that day – and the last one to leave 6 hours later.

Most of the people in the chemo-treatment room were alone. That was a surprise to me. It was a comfort to have my husband, Floyd, with me. So many patients came in by themselves, looking frightened and desolate. Some of them looked like they were on death’s door already.

I read, talked with Floyd, napped a bit, snacked, pulled my IV to the bathroom. ☺ It all went by fairly quickly. Someone had sent me a verse from The Passion translation of the Bible that used the phrase “the wrap around presence” of the Lord. During the day I realized I felt that “wrap around” sweet sense of His closeness. A day I dreaded and didn’t know what to anticipate was actually okay. I wasn’t alone in it and He brought unexpected joys to me all along the way.

“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”        Deut. 31:8

Attention Distraction Disorder

There are many tasks a leader must do, but one stands out above the others. Leaders must focus the attention of their followers. To do that, he or she must focus their own attention. There is a constant battle for the energy and attention of leaders. If a leader does not master the challenge of “attention distraction disorder” they will not lead well. The problem is one of concentration. Christian leaders must be able to maintain focus on three things simultaneously: focusing on yourself and your relationship with God, focusing on the wider world – specifically that part of the world you are called to reach, and lastly, focusing on the “immediate” others in your life – those you serve with.

Focusing upward – maintains your emotional and spiritual well being

Focusing inward – maintains your connection relationally to your natural and spiritual family

Focusing outward – maintains your passion for those you are called to reach

Every leader needs to cultivate this “triad of awareness.” Failure to focus upward leaves you rudderless, failure to focus outward renders you lost in a haze of busyness, and failure to focus on others around you leaves you clueless relationally.

An unfocused leader will be blindsided. An unfocused leader who does not cultivate abundance and balance in the “focus triad” will run in circles, impressed with their own busyness and unaware that others are not truly following them. Or sadly, if their followers are following, they are being misled.

Seven skills and character qualities to overcome “attention distraction disorder”:

1. Determine three to five priorities in your life in order of ranking, and proportion your time for each one accordingly.

2. Set aside time each day for personal reflection and renewal. Cleanse yourself through prayer and confession of negative emotions and reactions to others.

3. Learn to say no. The more responsibility you have the more often you have to say no – so you can say yes to the main things. Do a time map for your week to evaluate how you use your time.

4. Cultivate people around you who are able to say no to you. Find ways to hear the voices of people who are not afraid to express disagreement or differing points of view. As leaders grow in position and power their ability to maintain diverse personal connections suffer – unless they have gathered people around them who will be honest with them.  A wise leader will recognize valuable counsel from people of every social rank within their community or organization. Without such deliberate shift of attention, the natural inclination of senior leaders is to listen only to other senior leaders in their inner circle.

5. Learn self-restraint. When confronted by problems, effective leaders are those who have cultivated inner “traffic lights.” They recognize red light, yellow light and green light signals. They calm themselves under pressure, take time to think about how to respond, and then do so with a clear plan. Leaders who learn the quality of self-restraint shift away from impulse driven behavior to deliberate purpose-driven behavior.

6. Practice creativity and innovation. Do some things differently. Think out of the box. If you want new results you will have to break away from old practices.

7. Turn off notifications on your devices. Put your phone on airplane mode during your personal reflection time. A wealth of information can create a poverty of attention.

Focused attention is the basis of the most essential of leadership skills – emotional, organizational and strategic intelligence. The constant barrage of information and the speed of decision making in today’s world makes it crucial for leaders to maintain attention and to direct the attention of those they lead.

* I am grateful for the the inspiration and many of the insights for this article to Daniel Goleman in an article he authored titled, The Focused Leader, from the Harvard Business Review, page 50, December, 2013

News After Round 3

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Hello all, Some moments have felt dark on this chemo/cancer journey I'm on. Strangely, I sense the Lord's care and peace with me continually, and yet there have been moments that feel dark because of the pain and suffering.

While praying and worshiping this morning, I realized that often the "darkness" is simply because I'm in HIS shadow!  I'm not alone, I'm not in a bad place, it's not a sinister darkness.......He's just covering me with His wings and protecting me, staying very close to me.  It gave me a whole new perspective!  I'm safe, I can relax in His shadow and trust in His care for me.  I love that!

I've been reminded that my oncologist told me each round of chemo would get harder, and I would get weaker and tireder.  I think I forgot that detail. :( Thank you for continuing to pray for me.  I definitely need it!  I'm a week past round 3 of chemo.  Round 2 was so much easier than round 1, that I think I expected (hoped?!) round 3 would be "easy" too. Not the case!  It's been rough.  Yesterday was a particularly bad day.  I was feeling low in every way.

I was encouraged with some good news I had when I went in for my chemo this time.  My cancer marker numbers are down, which means the chemo is working and doing its job!  My white cell count was slightly higher too, an answer to prayer.

In a recent update I asked you to pray with us about Floyd going to Jordan for a strategic conference with our International Leadership Team and young leaders gathering from around the world.  They will be ministering in the refugee camps among Syrians who have had to flee their country. And they will be seeking the Lord for how we're to respond and be involved in the needs in the Middle East.

We both feel a peace about Floyd going.  He'll leave shortly after my 4th round of chemo.  We asked the Dr. if I could delay that round until his return, but she said that would not be wise. Because we're seeing good results, she didn't think we should interrupt the process that's taking place.  So we're setting up a system of care for me here while Floyd is away. Thank you for praying with us!  We're so grateful!  And please, would you cover me with your prayers Sept. 25 to Oct. 5, the days Floyd is gone?   Also, please continue to pray for my right kidney to recover and start functioning.

Next week here in Cape Town is our annual staff and leadership gathering for our workers we have sent out over the last 8 years. Please pray for God's purposes to be fulfilled for our time together as we thank Him for all that's been done in the past year, and seek Him for the year ahead.

I won't be able to participate, but Floyd will be part of these meetings. One of our biggest blessings in life are the wonderful people God has brought into All Nations to work with us. Such a gift. It's always special to have these times of gathering together.

I will be focusing my energy for rebuilding my strength to get ready for round 4.  It's nice to be half way through after round 3. :)

Blessings and love,

Sally &  Floyd

The Benefits of Being Part of an International Movement

Churches and missional communities that lack affiliation with an international network suffer as a result.  Some belong to networks, true, but often they are only national in scope.  This lack of association with leaders from other countries creates cultural, strategic, theological and organizational myopia. Lack of multi-cultural and multi-national association creates a silo affect:  members can see the strength of what they belong to “vertically” but don’t see the “horizontal” perspective, i.e., there are many other affective parts to God’s global work.  The result is they are in-grown.

Every church and missional community needs a tribe to belong to, and if they are wise, they choose a tribe with experience and exposure in the nations.  After all, the greatest growth of the church today is not the West but among the “rest.”

Many younger evangelical leaders frown on association with traditional denominations and older missionary organizations – they fear control and irrelevance.

However, it’s a different world today.  National entities in international movements are legally independent.  This allows them to raise funding, set strategies, and create fresh approaches to mission more effectively, while still benefitting from their wider tribal connection.

National affiliates in international movements don’t report directly to a centralized headquarters, but do have the advantage of being cross connected to members who work in the same areas of ministry located in different countries.  This helps local leaders spot new strategies from other nations and thus be able to seize opportunities that benefit them locally – without giving up local ownership and leadership.

Frequency Illusion - It's All In Your Mind

I learned a new term recently:  frequency illusion. Once we notice something that annoys, surprises or pleases us we tend to notice it more and more, even to the point of over weighting its frequency in everyday life.  The way we observe the world is through the lens of our biases, our "frequency illusions."

Trend journalism reinforces frequency illusion.  It is a form of intellectual trolling designed to create the illusion of "breaking news", as if trending is a moral reality.

Courageous leaders with well thought through biblical core values, see through the haze of frequency illusion that social media and "the news" creates in people's minds.  These leaders rather call their followers to the true realities of the kingdom of God.

Things You Shouldn't Say to Cancer Patients

My wife, Sally, has cancer.  Actually, I should say, she is overcoming cancer... and doing a great job of it too.  She is finding joy on her cancer journey.  She looks for joy.  She chooses joy.  And she gives joy to others.  She has bad days and is honest about them when they come, but, her focus is on the good things that God does for her in the midst of her journey. She and I both pray for a miracle but we also keep our focus on the goodness of God. Sally and I are grateful for the support of loving friends.  We have a very caring family (though a long way from where we live in Cape Town – they are in the United States).  We are loved and cared for by an incredible spiritual family too.  Friends, family and co-workers have made the emotional load of cancer much lighter to carry.

I have learned that there is an emotional weight for both the cancer survivor, and the spouse/care giver.

Some people understand that weight, and help lighten the load, while others say or do dumb things to make the load a little heavier.  Fortunately for Sally and I, we have had very little of the latter,  but friends have told us stories... I thought you would enjoy these all too real faux pas.

What not to say...

1.  “My___ (sister, nephew, auntie, etc.) has cancer".  Having someone else in your life with Cancer doesn’t help to comfort this person nor does it help you connect emotionally with them... especially if your person didn’t survive!

My advice:  Don’t mention others you know who have cancer.

2.  “I had cancer and I found this amazing herbal remedy that helped so much.  I think it cured me!  It only cost $150 a bottle.” Vitamins, supplements and proven helps are a blessing if they are a gift.  But ask if you can give them.  Don’t promote or propose weird solutions or remedies that you or somebody else you know used.

My advice:  Don’t give medical advice.

3.  “Did you know that cancer is caused by a root of bitterness?  Is there anybody you need to forgive?  Forgiveness releases healing from cancer.”  At this point it would be hard not to feel bitterness toward you!

My advice:  Ask them to leave.

4.  “God will heal you if you have more faith.”  Enough said.

My advice:  Ask them to leave.

5.  “Wow, you lost your hair.” Duh.  If someone says something awkward about losing your hair they normally accompany the statement with rude staring.

My advice:  Be gracious and change the subject.

6.  “Did you know cancer is caused by eating processed foods?”

My response:  “Then bring me a steak from free-range beef.”

7.  “I brought you a gift.  I just love jig-saw puzzles.  I think you will love this 5000 piece puzzle of a herd of 500 Zebras!  I think it will be so relaxing for you and take your mind off...well, just enjoy it.”

My advice:  Don’t give gifts you are not sure will be helpful or wanted.  Especially Zebra puzzles!

8.  “God told me you don’t have cancer!”

My advice:  Don’t say that.  Pray for that, but don’t say it.

9.  “Drink five glasses a day of wild-grass smoothies mixed with Mongolian mushrooms.  Tastes great and it works wonders.  It does give you gas and bad constipation and stomach cramps, but it works.”

My response:  “Wild what?!!!”

Good to know:   Don’t hug a person on chemo or allow anyone to visit them who has a cold, flu, etc., or who has a family member who is sick. Chemo treatment weakens the immune system and makes a person more vulnerable.  A cold or flu can throw off the chemo treatment schedule and put a person at greater risk for the chemo not to have its intended impact of killing off cancer cells.

What to say...

Below are some things our friends have said or done for us that are a huge blessing.  Just this morning my friend Archie told me his daughter Kaylee prays for Sally every day!  Here’s a few suggestions...

1. Tell the person you care for them and you love them.  It nourishes one’s heart.

2. Say you are praying – if you are.  It always encourages us to hear that.

3. Ask how they are doing.  There are stories to tell!

4. If the person has lost their hair, compliment them on how cute they look, and move on to another topic.

5. Listen a lot.

6. Talk about life.  Laugh.  Catch up on family, and be yourself.  Talk about movies you’ve seen, books you have read, people you know in common.  Talk about everyday life.

7. Bring a meal – but ask what kind of food they like ahead of time.

8. Write encouraging notes, SMS’s/text messages, and send uplifting scriptures.

9. Give them flowers.  They fill a bedroom or house with beauty.

If you want to know more, here are three books that have been very helpful to us:

The Chemotherapy Survival Guide, by Judith McKay and Tamara Schacher.  This book was written by two oncology nurses and was immensely helpful and medically very informative.  Describes what chemotherapy is, preparing for treatment, preventing and coping with side affects, eating right for recovery, getting the support you need, relieving stress, preparing for and managing care, and living life after cancer treatment.

Caring for a Loved One With Cancer, by June Hunt.  Fifty very practical, 1-2 page chapters filled with ideas about how to care for a friend or family member with cancer.

Healed:  Strength for Care Givers and Cancer Fighters, by Angela Peterson.  More from the faith angle but without condemnation.  Uplifting.

Mindfulness

“When you’re mindful… rules, routines, and goals guide you - they don’t govern you.”  Ellen Langer (Harvard Business Review, March, 2014)

The skill of “observation” is a lost art for many leaders.  Observation, or “mindfulness”, is the art of actively learning new things from our daily experiences.

Mindfulness makes you more sensitive to context and culture.  Mindfulness is intentional, but not stressful or exhaustive.  It comes naturally once you develop the skill.

Why is mindfulness important?  You can’t solve today’s problems with yesterday’s solutions. The rules you have been given are the rules that worked for the person who created them. If someone says, “This is the way we do it, learn this until it is second nature”, bells should go off in your head.  If they are speaking about values, that is one thing, but if they are speaking about methods, that is another thing entirely.  Principles never change, but methods always do.

Benefits of mindfulness:

  • You learn to observe what others are doing, how they are feeling, and what they are communicating non-verbally

  • You pay attention more easily

  • You ask better questions

  • You learn by listening and observing

  • You become more innovative

  • You are more fully present

  • You are able to take advantage of opportunities when they are available

  • You become less judgmental about others

  • Mindfulness alleviates boredom

Defining Priorities in Work and Life

Prospering in life comes as a result of the careful combining of work and home. This focus is important in order to ensure you don't lose yourself, your loved ones, and your foothold in life. Those leaders that effectively involve their families in work decisions and activities are healthier people. Those that don’t, face the danger of creating two distinct worlds that cause emotional and spiritual detachment from the ones they love most. Healthy and happy, older leaders are those men and women who have learned to vigilantly manage their own time and energy. Younger leaders don’t think they need balance because they have an abundance of ambition and energy, but the pace of life that is fueled by this youthful zeal, will eventually cause burn out. You can go hard for ten, twenty, even thirty years, but flesh energy will give out at some point. Then what do you have left?

90% of the time you need to say no, so you can say yes to the right people and the right things. Saying yes too often prevents you from having the time to saying yes when you really should.

Many senior leaders have sustained their momentum by staying connected to their families. Their stories and advice for younger leaders reflect their early life choices to build support networks at home and among friends.

Senior leaders who don’t have balance feel they can achieve this balance by constant “juggling,” which prevents them from engaging meaningfully at home or at work. Learn to make deliberate choices about which opportunities to pursue so you can be truly effective in both areas of your life. Leaders who carefully manage their human resource maintain a higher degree of satisfaction in life and are more effective in what they do in service to others.

Adopt or Plant?

Movements of churches tend to emphasize adoptions or new church plants, but rarely can you do both on a significant scale and be successful.  Here is the challenge: whatever existing churches you adopt under your brand, you need to manage. It’s a matter of alignment. If the churches you adopt do not have the same leadership style, ministry philosophy, core values and vision, there will be dilution or conflict, or both.   One pastor here in South Africa confided in me, “Our movement adopted a large network of churches in Kenya. I deeply regret doing so. We inherited a lot of leadership problems that have cost us huge amounts of time and finances. We met some wonderful people in the process, but it has shaped who we are as a movement in ways we did not want.”   Know what you are called to do, and do that well, but don’t try to mix the two approaches. Those who are called to birth and build apostolic movements should be super-cautious about adopting existing churches they did not plant. Every adopted church brings with it a set of expectations, needs, and values that may be incompatible with your calling to focus on “building on no other mans foundation.”

Letter From Sally

Hello, I was encouraged and inspired by a story a South African friend sent to me recently. It dates back to 1902 during a war here in South Africa. Some women were sitting in the dirt in a concentration camp - hungry, discouraged, praying for the war to end. One of the ladies glanced at her open Bible and looked at Matthew 29:31:

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows."

The lady shares this verse with the other ladies, and as she does, a sparrow (called a mossie here in South Africa) came and sat on her shoulder. The ladies had their hope restored that night.

In May of that year, a peace treaty was signed to end the war. The same lady from that group of women sitting in the dirt approached the wife of the president and requested the Bible verse about the sparrows be reflected on the country's one cent coins.

From 1923 to 2002 two sparrows (mossies) were embossed on the one cent coin making South Africa the only country in the world with a Bible verse as an image on its coins.

During World War II, parents gave the one cent coin to their sons who went to war as soldiers to remind them of their value in the Lord's eyes - He knows every sparrow!

Years later, a South African lady went to the U.S. to help rehabilitate soldiers injured in the Vietnam war. She gave each soldier a one cent sparrow coin and told them the story, reminding them He cared about them and their injuries.

I've reflected often on this story during some of my hard moments. The God who knows every sparrow......and knows the numbers (or lack of them right now in my case) of every hair on my head.......is so mindful of every thing I'm walking through. I love how much He cares!!!

My next chemo is on Tues., Sept. 2. The chemo days seem to come up quickly. I find myself dreading going through it all again, and yet realizing I'll be half way through with this round. That's important for me to keep in mind.

I've had several "good" days this past week - so, so wonderful! I've tried to build up my energy and strength to get ready for the next round. I don't bounce back as quickly as I did when I was younger, and yet I feel the Lord strengthening me!

It'll be a wonderful day when I can speak of all this in the past tense. Until then, thank you for standing with Floyd and me, praying for us, encouraging us, believing with us. We are so grateful! I find myself thanking Him for caring about each sparrow......and caring for Sally. :)

With loving gratitude,

Sally & Floyd

How to Build Longevity on Your Team

As a young leader I was impressed to learn that well-known evangelist Billy Graham was surrounded by a team of long serving friends and co-workers, most of whom had been with him since the beginning of his campaign career. The team began to be formed in the mid-1940’s, and stayed together for over half a century.

Team familiarity and trust influences how a team performs. The trend both in the church and corporate world is fast turnover and rapid advancement, which leaves little room for permanence on teams. Churches and businesses alike suffer because of this trend. But research is showing that longevity on teams pays rich dividends in more than one way.

My impression is that teams, like individuals, experience learning curves. They do better as members become familiar with one another. Roles may change within a team of secure individuals, but if egos are out of the way, the benefit of adjusting to one another’s strengths and limitations creates a learning culture.

A Harvard Business Review article on longevity on teams (December, 2013, page 28) suggests five factors are responsible for the effect long serving teams have on their organization:

  1. Co-ordinated activities – team members that have learned to work together carry those relationships into future projects and activities

  2. Learning where the knowledge lies – team members learn who has what strengths and rely on those strengths as they work together

  3. Responding to change – team familiarity provides a stable environment and allows for change to happen in the least threatening manner possible

  4. Integrating past knowledge with future innovation – creative solutions are usually the result of combinations of knowledge and experience from different people on the team

  5. Capturing value – strong, united teams attract people and resources

Instead of focusing on solving conflict on teams, it is more helpful to focus on the life-giving strengths that hold teams together. Build on what gives life to your team, not what problems the team has to overcome to stay together. Life attracts life. Vision attracts vision. And healthy people attract healthy people.

Take a few moments to reflect on what your team does well. Share your reflections with your team, and ask the others to contribute to the list. Brag on those who have helped build the team. Give some thought as to how you can cultivate your strengths as a team.