Those Who Grieve Well, Grow Well

Last day to get Leading Like Jesus FREE on Kindle!!!  Click here! The goal of processing grief is not to understand the reasons for loss, but to receive God’s comfort in the midst of loss. Four responses to loss that will circumvent the comfort God wants to provide:

  1. Blame it on the devil - over spiritualize the loss
  2. Look for sin in the camp - try to find whose fault it is.
  3. Rationalize it - a head-level response.
  4. Ignore it and pretend it didn’t happen - a form of denial.

As leaders, we have the privilege of guiding people to grieve their losses well. A wise leader creates space for their followers to ‘pay attention’.

Four steps for healthy grieving:

  1. Pay attention to your heart, acknowledging the pain, loss, anger, and sadness.
  2. Don’t rush the time between sorrow and healing.
  3. Use the Psalms to give a biblical language to your grieving.
  4. Allow (when ready) the old to give birth to the new.

As I have grown older, I have learned to pay attention to my heart and to process my grief with God honestly. I have learned not to hide from my losses.

I have learned the hard way that past losses can negatively impact present relationships if not dealt with before God and with others.”

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Making Covenants With God

David Grieved Well There are times we must get alone with God and grieve, like David did in the psalms. We cannot grow spiritually, we cannot keep a clean heart and a tender spirit, if we dont know how to grieve before the Lord. If we grieve well we will not accumulate resentments...take up offenses...blame God or others...

There are things we lose in not rush pass them. Grieve what is lost as an act of worship, as an expression of honest trust before the Lord.

Spiritual leaders are sometimes so occupied with caring for others and standing strong, that they lose touch with their own hearts. As I read through 1Samuel about the life of David, I'm impressed that he grieved his losses as a way of worship, of giving his disappointments to God.

To grieve well is to trust God, it is a way of making covenant with God, to bow with heart and will, to declare to the Lord that "in all things you are at work for your glory and my good".