Not Always Smooth Sailing
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On Tuesday this week was the 16th anniversary of Floyd and my arrival in South Africa. We arrived with 4 suitcases, very little money, and very little support. It was just the 2 of us. We didn't have a team. We had a friend who invited us to stay with her while we got our bearings and figured out the way forward. Our coming to South Africa was an act of obedience, and a fulfillment of something God had put on Floyd's heart many years before. He had a deep, passionate love for Africa, and felt someday we would live and work here. We never dreamed we would be starting over at 58 and 61 - but here we were!
Much has happened in those 16 years! Some wonderful releases and victories, some wonderful people who joined us, and some wonderful confirmations that we were where God wanted us to be in this season of our lives. But there were also some disappointments, some painful things, some very sad things, some very hard to understand things. It was definitely not all plain sailing. It was more like a giant roller coaster.
When we're obeying God and following in the paths He's chosen for us, I think we often expect things to go well, to go smoothly. After all, we're doing what God told us to do!! But over the 54 years of our married life and ministry I've learned that it doesn't always go that way. We're involved in spiritual warfare as we seek to establish the things on God's heart, and that means "battles" along the way. The encouraging thing is that God is right beside us in each and every battle. He never leaves us to go through the warfare alone.
Even before the shock of Floyd's illness, the years in the hospital, and his eventual death - there had been spiritual battles. And during his illness and since his death, there have been more. I don't know why they catch me off guard. The enemy doesn't want us to "win" in establishing the Kingdom. He will fight us in every possible way. But God always triumphs! He wins. He is victorious. He is faithful to be beside us each step of the way.
We expected Floyd to be with us for many more years. We expected him to walk with us as All Nations pioneered here in Cape Town and in sending workers across the African continent. But that wasn't to be. God had other plans - ones I don't fully understand.....but ones I trust with all my heart.
In All Nations International we want to see the things on Floyd's heart fulfilled. One way we're doing that is establishing a scholarship fund to develop, equip, and empower African and women leaders. I know Floyd would be so happy about this. Floyd is now with Jesus, but his vision from the Lord lives on! If you would like to know more about this fund click here.
"I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest." John 4:35
I'm excited about what God wants to do in South Africa and throughout the African continent! He has good things in store.
Grief is an ever-changing emotion. You think you've worked your way through it, and that healing has come.......and then something touches a vulnerable spot and it all flares up again. I've read enough about grief to understand this is normal, but it still takes me by surprise sometimes. Grief, however many times we walk through it, is a necessary part of healing.
As I went through my day on our arrival anniversary the grief came again and it turned out to be a tender day - sweetly so, but tender. I love it here - it's home - and I have no plans to leave. But all day long I kept thinking that I never dreamed I'd be living out these years alone. Floyd was always so healthy and so physically strong and fit. I could never have imagined what happened to him. On this special day, I felt the grief of losing him all over again.
That same day a dear friend of ours passed away. Actually, he was more than a friend. He was a very key mentor in Floyd's life. Dr. Gordon Fee impacted Floyd's life and ministry in so many ways. He even visited us in Afghanistan and Amsterdam. I can imagine Floyd and Gordon sitting together and catching up in heaven - and talking about their beloved Book of John. Sweet memories from the past - sweet thoughts of them being together in heaven - and some tender grief popping up again.
Grief doesn't come in an orderly timeframe - a neat little box. Just when we think we've dealt with it, another wave washes in. Sometimes people think we should hurry along and get past our grief, but I've found with each new wave of grief the healing to my heart is sweeter and more precious.
I'm sure this will keep happening. When it does, I turn to the Lord who has "borne our grief and carried our sorrows." He lovingly brings fresh healing to my heart. The Queen said "grief is the price we pay for love." I'm grateful I can pay that price. I've had such a wonderful life of love with my gentle giant.
"Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." John 16:22
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4
"Jesus wept." John 11:35
I'm comforted to know that Jesus understands grief. And He lovingly comforts my heart when a wave of fresh grief comes. I feel wrapped in His loving arms. I'm so grateful!