He Has Been With Me

A book I was reading recently said that one of the ways to increase our faith as we pray is to thank the Lord for past answers to prayer.  This led to a special time of reflection for me in doing just that.  My list is long, but here are a few highlights from recent years that I'm grateful for:

-  During the same time that Floyd was sick and hospitalized, I was battling cancer with surgeries and chemo treatments.  Meanwhile, I was overseeing and organizing all his care.  Looking back, I honestly don't know how I managed all that!  There is no explanation except that God carried me and sustained me.  He must have had angels working overtime to help me.

-  I was reading back over some of my notes from the early months of Floyd's care.  After his initial 6 weeks in ICU and a further 3 weeks in the hospital ward, I needed to find a longer term facility to move him to.  A friend helped me with researching options.  It was overwhelming.  There was a long list of criteria for his care, and almost none could provide all of them.  It was a HUGE answer to prayer when we found the hospital where he eventually ended up.

-  When we moved Floyd there, I didn't understand that they had a time limit for how long he could stay (only 6 weeks).  I appealed to them to allow him to stay longer.  The end result was that they not only allowed him to stay, but they changed their mission statement to include patients like Floyd who needed long term care.  I always said that Floyd would love the fact that even in his illness he was "pioneering" something new!

-  The hospital couldn't have been more perfect.  The nurses lovingly cared for him - singing to him, praying for him, and even sometimes competing for who would be on the schedule to care for him. It brought such peace to my heart to know he was well cared for.

-  There were gaps of time when I couldn't go to Floyd because of the treatment I was undergoing.  I am so, so grateful for the "Care Team" who faithfully went to spend time with him.

-  I am so thankful for all the intercessors who prayed for Floyd and for me.  I don't think we would have made it without those prayers lifting "our weary arms."  If it was only a matter of prayer, Floyd would have certainly been healed.  One friend commented that he didn't think any one person had ever been prayed for so much.

-  I'm grateful that all of Floyd's (and my) medical bills were paid.  When the insurance (medical aid) dropped Floyd's care, I was tempted to panic.  I didn't know how in the world I would be able to cover all the bills.  I remember crying out to the Lord one day, and hearing Him tenderly speak to my heart that Floyd had served him all his life and He wasn't going to abandon him in this season of life.  I’m so grateful to everyone who gave so lovingly and generously towards Floyd's care.  Those gifts lifted a heavy weight from my shoulders.

-  I can't help but thank the Lord for the peace that enveloped Floyd in his hospital room.  It's hard to even imagine what it was like for Floyd to be trapped in his condition.  But there was a peace and sense of God's presence with him that was almost tangible.  Even the hospital staff commented on it.

-  There were several occasions when I almost didn't make it through all the treatment I was going through.  I remember one time in particular,  I was so weak that I could hardly speak to pray.  This was another time when God so tenderly spoke to me.  He reminded me that I was in His hands.....my "time" was in His hands.  I could relax and trust Him.  It brought such peace and assurance to my heart.

-  While this was all taking place, quite a few of our extended family were going through severe trials.  I didn't share these because they weren't my story to tell, but there were times when it felt like our whole family was under assault.  Thankfully, God graciously brought us all through these times. 

-  I am fairly frequently asked if I understand what happened to Floyd - why he got sick, why didn't God heal him, why did he suffer for so long.  I don't have the answers to those questions.  I've had a few "inklings" about some of it, but I don't even know if those are right.  We'll have to wait until heaven to fully understand.  But I do have to say that God gave me special grace to not worry about those questions.  I was able to trust Him, and put Floyd into His loving care.  I know that was an answer to prayer because I'm usually one who wants to understand things!!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6 

"Without faith it is impossible to please God.....and He rewards those who earnestly seek him."  Hebrews 11:6

"Truly God has listened; He has attended to the voice of my prayer."  Psalm 66:19

"I will give you thanks, for you answered me."  Psalm 118:21

"I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy."  Psalm 116:1

This list is literally just the tip of the iceberg of wonderful answers to prayer that I've seen - both in recent years and throughout my life.  The list is LONG!  Wonderfully long. 

This time of thanking the Lord for His answers throughout my life has built my faith to cope with my news this week that my cancerous tumor has grown.  The doctor’s concern now is that the growth will negatively impact the surrounding organs.  Needless to say, I'm praying for the tumor to shrink. 

I’ve been praying for a healing miracle from the cancer for 8 years.  I’ve seen answers to prayer over that time, but I still have cancer.  It hasn’t gone away.  As I reflected on this most recent disappointing news, I realized that actually nothing has changed.  I’m still going to do everything I can in self care to strive for healing – and I’m going to continue to trust God who has carried me and sustained me over all this time!  I have more information – but I’m going to continue in the same way I’ve been walking.  In short, I’m choosing to persevere!  With God’s help, I’ll keep going.

I may be healed – or I may not.  I may live 1 more day – or 10 more years.  It’s in God’s hands.  I’ll keep asking for the miracle, the answer to prayer - like the widow in the Bible who kept persistently asking the judge for justice against her adversary.  I trust God’s sovereignty over my life come what may.  I’m in His hands – but I’ll keep asking!

God has been with me in all I’ve gone through.  He’s been with me even when it’s seemed He was silent.  He’s been with me when it seemed as if He was roaring like Aslan to keep evil forces at bay.  He’s been with me in tender quiet whispers.  He’s been with me in singing over me.  He’s been with me as He lovingly guided me in hundreds of decisions.  He’s been with me in strength when I felt so incredibly weak.  He’s been with me in my tears as I mourned the loss of my gentle giant.  The point that is so very clear to me right now, today is that He has been WITH me…..and He will continue to be come what may.  Why would I want to go any other way than on the way where He is with me?!  I trust His way.

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.  God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”  Matthew 6:34  The Message

“We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul – not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.  It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy.”  Colossians 1:11 The Message 

 "All who listen to me shall live in peace and safety, unafraid."  Proverbs 1:33 TLB

"Rejoice in the Lord always...Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:4-7

I'm thanking Him for all He's done, and I'm bringing my requests to Him.  I'm grateful for the peace He gives (beyond understanding) as I walk through stressful times.  I have moments of anxiety, but as I turn to Him and share my troubled heart - He always brings me back to a place of peace.  He is faithful!

A Moment of Hope

I've mentioned that winter is hard for me - the cold, wind, rain, the stormy weather, the short days.  It tends to impact my body, and it makes me feel lonely.  Winter is definitely not my favorite season.

But there is one day in winter that I look forward to every year… winter solstice!!  Tuesday this week was our shortest day.  That means we will start getting more sunlight and longer days.  That is exciting.  I heard someone say that winter solstice brings a little more light and with it a moment of hope.  I like that.

Having hope is so important!  It's important to all of us, but especially so if you are going through a difficult time.  We need hope to keep going, to keep pressing forward.  Hope is a simple but powerful tool that God has placed within us.  We have to nourish it.  We have to keep it alive in our hearts.  We have to ask the Lord to fan the flames of hope if it's dying in our hearts.  We have to feed on the promises in the Word that give us hope.  We have to worship the Lord, the giver of all hope.

In hard times there is no middle ground.  We must press into God and stir up hope in our hearts.  If we don't, it's easy to harden our hearts towards Him.  The purpose of suffering and hard times is to produce hope - not to diminish it or destroy it.  Hope for change is what keeps us going.  We serve a God of hope, and He loves to strengthen hope in our hearts.

I could not have made it through these last few years without hope.  On hard days when my hope wavered, I called out to God and He fanned into flame the flickering light of hope in my heart.  He was so faithful!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  Romans 15:13

"By steadfastness and by the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope." Romans 15:4

"Hope that is seen is not hope.  For who hopes for what he already sees.  If we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."  Romans 8:25

"Hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us."  Romans 5:5

"I will hope continually and will praise thee yet more and more."  Psalm 71:14

Being without hope is not a terminal disease.  If our hope wavers, God wants to stir hope alive in our hearts again.  My hope is stirred this week that longer days are coming. :)

During our years in Holland, YWAM purchased a building on one of the main squares in the city - across from the Central Train Station.  Built in 1896, it was the former headquarters of the Salvation Army, but had fallen into the hands of first a cult group and then was used by squatters.  The building was in horrible disrepair.  Over the years we renovated it, and opened it as a ministry center.  I was part of the team working to repair the building many years ago.

Thousands of people, cars, bicycles, tour boats, trams, and buses pass the building daily.  At the top of the building in blue neon lights on one side it said "God Roept U" (God Calls You) - and on the other side it said "Jesus Loves You."

The building sits on one of the entrances into the red light district so it served as a reminder to those entering that God called them to Himself.

We named the building Samaritan's Inn, wanting it to be used as a ministry center to help those in need.  For over 40 years now that has happened in a variety of ways.  I recently received news that a refugee family from Ukraine was welcomed to live in the building in the apartment where we used to live.  That was so special to hear!  The building is still fulfilling its mandate to help those in need.  I know Floyd's heart would be warmed to know this too.  I’m trusting God to minister to them!

"A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers.  They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.  A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.  So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.  But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.  He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine.  Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.  The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, ' and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you have.'  Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?  The expert in the law replied, 'The one who had mercy on him.'  Jesus told him, 'Go and do likewise.' "  Luke 10:30-37

I'm so grateful that the ministry center established so many years ago is continuing to serve in this way.  I sometimes feel helpless to respond to the many refugees from the Ukraine war.  In a very roundabout way, this feels like I've been able to help.

Carried

During this week 8 years ago, my world was turned upside down.  I went to the doctor for a small matter expecting to be given a prescription for some pills to take.  Instead I received some shocking news.  I had an 8.5 pound (3.85 kilos) tumor - the same size as my first child at birth.  The news was unbelievable.  Tests were hurried along.  Surgery was scheduled.  And the results were that it was malignant - I had ovarian cancer.  It was a nightmare.  I didn't realize it at the time, but our unexpected journey had begun!

My first oncologist was efficient in her care, but not very hopeful.  She explained that most of her ovarian cancer patients were gone within 2 years.  She had one lady that made it to 5 years, but that was rare.  A few weeks after surgery, I began a course of chemo treatment.

Meanwhile, we rallied people to pray for me, and I began my own research into other treatments that might be helpful.  Over the coming years I had 8 surgeries, 4 types of chemo treatment, and I worked with an Integrated Functional Medicine specialist who incorporated herbal medicines, massage therapy, and reflexology for my numb feet into my treatment regimen.  

To say it's been a journey is an understatement.  In looking back, I'm not sure how I survived except for God's wonderful grace.  My second oncologist who is much more positive and hopeful calls it a miracle that I'm still alive.  She says that having hope and being involved in one's own treatment makes all the difference in the outcome.  I tell her about all the prayers that have been lifted up on my behalf.  She knows and understands too about Floyd's part of the journey in being ill for over 5 years.  She acknowledges that it's extremely rare to have survived all that has happened.  In spite of the fact that I am still battling cancer, she says I'm doing remarkably well.

God has certainly "carried" me through all these years.  I am beyond grateful, and give Him all the glory for still being alive to write you about this today.  Even though I still have cancer, in many ways He has "healed" me.  Many prayers have been answered.  God has been so, so good to me!

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved."  Psalm 55:22

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Psalm 73:26

"He gives power to the faint, and to him who has not might He increases strength."  Isaiah 40:29

"He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."  Colossians 1:17

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows those who take refuge in Him."  Nahum 1:7

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13 

"They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

I have come close to "fainting" - not surviving, on several occasions.  But God has truly sustained me.  I'm so grateful!

During these years of battling cancer, there were so many times when I needed the Lord's help and presence.  When I was first diagnosed with cancer and had surgery and chemo, Floyd was with me to help, encourage, and support me.  Then he got sick.  For the rest of my surgeries and chemo treatments, I was on my own.  Thankfully, I had my son who moved here to help us when his dad became sick and many dear friends who cared for and supported me.  I am so grateful for all their love and care.

But there were still many times when I felt alone.  I knew the truth of the Word that God was with me, but I couldn't always "feel" His presence.  Time and time again I called out to the Lord, and in His tender mercy and grace - He came in His power and overwhelmed me with an awareness of His presence.  I don't know quite how to describe it, but it was a tangible awareness of Him being right here with me.  I "felt" Him!  I knew He was caring for me.

The truth is that He's with us whether we feel it or not, but I've been grateful for those times when I could feel His presence.  At other times I cling tight to the promise that He's with me.

I have a family member who quite often sees angels.  I've never seen one (that I know of!) - but I believe that angels are watching over me in many situations too.

Whether we see or feel these things, we can rest assured that God is with us as we walk through the difficult things in life.  He never leaves us nor forsakes us.  That is the rock on which we stand firmly when we go through the trials of life.

"When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, 'Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.' "  Genesis 28:16

"And He said, 'My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.' "  Exodus 33:14

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy."  Psalm 16:11

"I will never leave you nor forsake you."  Hebrews 13:5

"Where shall I go from your spirit?  Or where shall I flee from your presence?"  Psalm 139:7

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me."  Psalm 23:4 

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

God is closer than the air we breathe.  We can't see the air around us, but it's there.  We can't always feel God's presence with us, but He's there!  May God help us to be aware of His constant abiding presence right with us.  When we fully understand that He is WITH us, we can face anything.  He is so good!

Faithfulness not Perfection

Like many around the world, I watched snippets of Queen Elizabeth's 70th Platinum Jubilee celebration over the weekend.  Whether you agree with the monarchy or not.  Whether you agree with the celebration or not.  Whether you even like Queen Elizabeth or not.  In spite of any of these, you have to agree that she has been faithful to the task she was given.

Through difficult times, disappointments, embarrassments - even through personal mistakes - she has "kept calm and carried on."

She has read through those papers in the famous red box every day.  She has encouraged the nation in hard times.  She has kept true to the vow she took 70 years ago.  She has never given up.  She has been faithful.

I don't agree with everything she has done, but I do truly admire her faithfulness.  I can relate to going through hard times, disappointments, and personal mistakes.  And I want to be faithful.  I want to hear the Lord say to me "well done good and faithful servant."  (Matthew 25:21,23)

Faithfulness comes from a place of trusting God no matter what.  It means we won't doubt when hard things come our way.  It means we will hold tight to God's hand with every trial and disappointment that we face.  It means we trust His word even when something seems impossible.  It means we trust Him when prayers aren't answered the way we wanted or thought they should be.  Faithfulness can be challenging, but it's what God asks of us.

John Chau was martyred in his attempt to reach the inhabitants of North Sentinel Island in 2018.  Shortly before he died he wrote in his journal that he was scared.  He didn't want to possibly die.  But he felt God had called him to this group of people.  He had prepared for years to go to their island.  He said he wanted to obey what God had given him to do.  I believe he was faithful - faithful unto death.  He laid down his life for the Gospel like many before him down through the ages.

Whatever it is that God has called us to do, all He asks from us is to be faithful.  He doesn't ask for perfection.  He doesn't even ask for success.  He asks for us to be faithful to Him and to His calling in our lives.  I'm trying to do that day by day!

"It is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful."  1 Corinthians 4:2

"A faithful man will abound with blessings."  Proverbs 28:20

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness..."  Galatians 5:22

Some days in my weakness I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything.  It's frustrating.  But then God patiently reminds me that all He requires of me is daily faithfulness to what He gives me to do.  It's one thing at a time in obedience to Him. That's the faithfulness He asks of us. 

This week has been unusual and somewhat difficult.  Due to some complicated water leaks in our area, we've been without water for 4 days.  I have never been so grateful for the privilege of turning on a tap and having water!  I take it for granted.  I realize many in our world live without running water all the time.  Our situation has prompted me to pray for them - and also to have fresh gratitude for running water!

I've also been rather sick.  And in a different vein, I've been dialoguing with a friend about a difficult decision she's facing.  It's complicated.  There is no simple yes or no answer.  We've been asking God for understanding, clarity, and direction.

In dealing with these things, I've been renewed in my thankfulness to the Lord -  that He gives grace to help with unexpected, difficult, and frustrating things; that He gives wisdom in making decisions about health and life; and that He guides us when we don't know what to do.  I would be so lost on my own.  I'm so grateful that God is with me day-by-day and helping me.  He has answers for each situation before I even ask.  He is so faithful!

If I'm not careful, I can take God's help and faithfulness for granted just like I take running water for granted. I have been reminded to be so grateful for both this week!

"How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 36:7 

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped."  Psalm 28:7

"We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are."  Hebrews 4:15

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills - from whence comes my help?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."  Psalm 121:1,2

I praise and thank the Lord for His daily grace and help!

The Power of Praise

I hadn't anticipated that what I thought would be a day of grieving turned into a week.  Early last week precious memories started flooding my heart and mind.  They seemed to just come out of nowhere, washing over me in powerful waves.  So - I remembered, I reflected, I cried, I released things to the Lord, and I let my heart heal.

As I walked through this past tender week - remembering Floyd's "heaven day" - I was reminded yet again of something so important: the power of praise and gratitude!  This wasn't something I planned or thought would be a good idea for this anniversary week.  It was very much Spirit led.

Every time I thought of a loss, a disappointment, a sadness, a feeling of being left alone - I countered it with something that I have to be thankful for.  The impact was amazing.  The sadness became joy.  The feeling of being alone was replaced by a sweet, tangible presence of the Lord.  The disappointment was turned into an understanding of special blessings the Lord has brought into my life on our unexpected journey.  The loss was replaced by God reminding me of all He has done during this difficult time.  Every single thing, every emotion, every heartache, every pain, every tear - as I turned it into worship.....it was lifted from my heart.  It was amazing.  Gratitude and praise are powerful!  They truly are a tool that God has placed in our hands to help us. 

"I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart."  Psalm 9:1

"I will extol the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips."  Psalm 34:1

"Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise."  Jeremiah 17:14

"Through Him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God."  Hebrews 13:15

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God."  Psalm 42:11

Praise is a powerful, restorative tool that God has provided for us.  We often don't remember to use it.  When we offer up praise, it brings God into the center of whatever we are walking through.  It reminds us of our dependence upon the Lord. 

I'm so grateful that the Spirit led me into praise during this tender weekend.  It was the perfect balance for my grief.  And God met me in special ways as I offered up praise.  He is so good!

Yesterday was another "special" day.  It would have been our 55th anniversary.  It's no longer a day of celebration, but it's certainly one of gratitude.  I'm grateful for 54 years with my gentle giant even though some of them were really difficult.  God has been good to me, good to us.

I have kept a list all those 54 years of where we were for each anniversary.  It's quite an interesting list from all over the world!  Every year on our anniversary we would go over it and reminisce of how we celebrated.  I even read it to Floyd each year in the hospital.  I usually got a few smiles, and even some tears.  It was special to keep sharing it with him.  This year I read it alone, but it was still just as special.  We've had a wonderful life.

This week I read a devotional by Blake Staton that was a tribute to Floyd.  It meant a lot to me during this tender time.  I pray that many will pick up the mandate to go to the “least, the last, and the lost.” 

Blake & Tracy Staton were with us in the leadership school we led in Colorado.  They went on to work with the Akha and Akeu tribes in Thailand for many years.  Blake writes a weekly devotional for All Nations International of lessons they learned during those years.  You are welcome to read it if you like…just click here to download. And if you would like to subscribe to it, click here.

"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God."  Colossians 1:10

May you and I each bear fruit where God has placed us!

A Tender Year

Recently someone did something that was hurtful to me.  My first inclination was to react and be upset.  It seemed unwarranted, unfair.  I calmed down and spent time talking to the Lord about it.  I began to wonder what had prompted the person to act the way they had.  I began to pray for the person......and was able to extend forgiveness.  I felt like the Lord helped me to respond rather than react.  As I went through this process, my heart was healed and the hurt was lifted.  I asked the Lord to fill my heart with compassion.

A sentence I read caught my attention.  "Ground that is filled with roots of bitterness needs to be plowed by the grace of God."  It was a good opportunity to ask the Lord to protect my heart from any bitter roots.  They can sometimes grow without our being aware of them!

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."  Romans 12:18

"But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."  Matthew 5:44

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you."  Colossians 3:13

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged.  Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive, and you will be forgiven."  Luke 6:37

I have been forgiven much by friends, loved ones, and especially by the Lord.  Walking through this experience was a good lesson for me to remember to extend that same forgiveness.  I'm grateful for the reminder.

This Sunday, May 29, will mark one year since Floyd went to be with Jesus.  In many ways the year has flown by - but on another level all the "firsts" have been very tender......more so than I anticipated. 

As I've mentioned before, I had already grieved so much and so deeply during Floyd's 5+ years of laying in silence in a hospital bed.  So the "final grief" caught me off guard.  I hadn't anticipated it.  I didn't realize that it would hit so hard and be very different from how I'd already grieved.  But, whether I knew it was coming or not, it came!

It's been a tender year.  While Floyd was in the hospital, I always went to be with him on the "special" days.  I talked with him, shared memories, took photos, and prayed with him.  This year as I walked through all the special days alone, I sensed the Lord pouring His healing balm into my heart.  I have missed Floyd intensely, but I've also sensed the Lord's presence very intensely.  He has been very close, wrapping me in His love as I grieved.  This year has helped to bring a measure of closure to my heart after our 54 years together.  I'm very grateful for that.

As I come to this one year mark, I'm trusting that I'm turning a corner.  I don't know what that would mean, what it would look like.  I certainly don't know what's ahead.  But I sense there could be a new season ahead.  I'm grateful that the Lord will hold my hand as I face whatever the future holds.  

All Nations International honored this one year mark with a special tribute to Floyd.  Some family members and friends have written sharing memories and things they appreciated about Floyd.  Click here to go there   

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."  Matthew 5:4  

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18  

"Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows."  Isaiah 53:4

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...your rod and your staff, they comfort me."  Psalm 23:4 

"He heals the brokenhearted."  Psalm 147:3

I am grateful to all those who have walked with me through this "first year."  For their prayers, love, notes, gifts - their healing words have all ministered so deeply to me.  I'm so very grateful to the Lord for never leaving my side.  I'm glad I didn't have to walk through this alone.

Day by Day Contentment

During the 5+ years on our unexpected journey, one of the things I felt continually challenged by was to "learn to be content" in whatever situation I was in.  And it was challenging!  Being content while I was sick, while my husband was lying in silence on a hospital bed, while I continually faced financial challenges, and while every way I looked there was so much I needed to deal with......it was not a simple matter to be "content."  And yet, God helped me to do just that.  His loving grace enabled me to find peace and rest, to find a place of contentment day by day.  I'm so grateful.

I wish that contentment, once achieved, could just become permanent.  But the very challenge to "learn to be content in whatever state I am in" makes it clear that it's a continual challenge.  I daily face new barriers to contentment.  I find myself coming back to the Lord again and again asking for His fresh help and grace to be content.  He is patient and faithful - He helps me over and over come to a rest, a peace, and yes a true contentment in each situation.

One recent day when I was dealing with some physical issues, I was finding it hard to be "content."  I wanted change.  I wanted healing.  I read a devotional about a 64 year old lady who had been bedridden for more than 16 years.  She was in constant pain and unable to move.  The only thing she could use was her thumb on her right hand.  But everyone who was with her talked about how joyful and thankful she was.  She used a 2 pronged fork with that thumb to put on her glasses, feed herself, sip tea through a tube, and turn pages of her large Bible.  Everything she did was with the use of that right thumb.  She thanked the Lord continually for the use of that thumb, for His goodness to her, and for His saving grace. (Shared from "Our Daily Bread" May 1993).

Contentment isn't learned all at once and it's over with.  It's a daily process of being thankful for whatever blessings we have.  I'm still on the journey of learning contentment!

"In everything give thanks."  1 Thessalonians 5:18

"I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.  In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:11-13

"Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment."  1 Timothy 6:6

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:10 

Each morning as I thank the Lord for a new day, I ask Him to help me have a heart of contentment.  I'm so grateful for His mercy and grace to me.  He is so faithful!

I have been challenged in my pursuit of contentment because it has been a hard week.  One thing after another seems to have "plagued" me.  As I was needing to make some decisions, this verse came to my mind:

"This is what the Lord says, 'Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.' "  Jeremiah 6:16

I took time to bring each matter to the Lord and ask Him for the "good way."  As I've waited in His presence and listened, I feel I'm getting some help and clarity.  I've also received His peace which brings "rest for my soul."  Oh how I need that rest - that soul-rest.  I have had to remind myself to bring each thought, each worry, each concern, each need to Him.  I can't carry them, but He can!  I'm so grateful that for every crossroads that I come to, He can show me the ancient path, the good way.  He is faithful!

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms."  Deuteronomy 33:27

"Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always."  Psalm 105:4

"In anguish I cried to the Lord, and He answered by setting me free."  Psalm 118:5

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  Psalm 143:8

The Treasure of His Presence

A few days ago we had a long day of rain.  It was cold and the skies were gray - definitely not my favorite kind of weather!  But we needed the rain, so I was grateful.  In late afternoon, a friend came to pray with me regarding some things I'm battling.  Just as we finished praying, the sun came bursting out and there was s huge full arc beautiful rainbow.  It was amazing.  I received it as a little "kiss" from the Lord.

I think God often speaks to us through His creation.  Someone said "nature is a glove on the hand of God."  I love to observe and listen to what God might be saying.  If we don't keep a look out, it's easy to miss ways He might be speaking love and encouragement to our hearts through nature.

I continue to be stretched in my faith and walk with the Lord.  It's not always easy, but it keeps me close to the Father's heart.  Sarah Young says we need to always have our "fork of trust and spoon of thankfulness" handy.  I think that's such good advice.  As long as I'm trusting the Lord and keeping my heart full of gratitude for His goodness and mercy, it helps me get through the times of stretching.  Trust and gratitude are powerful weapons in keeping our hearts free of discouragement, free of gloom and doom when things are hard.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him."  Psalm 34:8

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song."  Psalm 28:7

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.  My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning."  Psalm 130:5,6

Some friends from our early days in Holland came for a visit recently.  As we sat chatting, the one common theme that came up again and again was that through the good times and the hard times the goodness and faithfulness of the Lord never stops!  He is our solid Rock!  He never leaves us, never forsakes us.  We can always count on Him.  Through the decades since we first met, God has been so good to us.  We rejoiced in all the ways He has been with us.  What a wonderful God we serve!

I was asked recently what my thinking and motivation was in writing the prayer updates that I send out each week.  It was helpful to think back through all that has happened.  What a journey it's been!!

When Floyd suddenly became severely ill, I knew he and I both needed prayer.  A friend here helped me send out prayer emails, and a friend in the US offered to set up a FaceBook prayer page - the unexpected journey began.  Neither they nor I had any clue of what was ahead of us and how long it would be!!

Initially I shared news of Floyd's condition and prayer requests.  But within a very short time, I felt the Lord prompting me to share things He was speaking to me along the way, things He was teaching me.  Over time the prayer update included prayer requests.....and also recorded the "journey" I was on.  I found it helpful to share.  It somehow sealed things in my heart as I shared how God was helping and meeting me on the roller coaster I was on.  I also began to pray that by sharing my journey it would somehow help others on their difficult journeys.

None of us like hard times, sickness, suffering, sacrifice, financial pressures.  I certainly haven't liked the suffering of recent years.  But when we offer up to the Lord what we're going through, when we ask Him to somehow use it for His glory - then He redeems the experiences and brings good out of it.  I've seen that happen over and over and over again on our long unexpected journey.  I see it as His goodness and faithfulness in the midst of the suffering.  It helps give grace to keep walking the difficult path.

Every once in a while I ask the Lord if I'm to keep writing the updates.  So far, I've felt He has said I should.  Part of the difficult journey is over now that Floyd has passed away.  But the journey of grief and my journey with battling cancer and facing various other pressures continues.  I still feel in the midst of a battle many days.

The wonderful "benefit" of writing the updates has been the prayer support.  I can't begin to tell you what a blessing, strength, and comfort all the prayers have been to me.  I'm convinced I couldn't have made it without them.  I am eternally grateful for all the prayers that have lifted my weary arms.  Thank you from the depths of my heart!! 

"They preached the good news in that city and won a large number of disciples...."We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said."  Acts 14:21,22

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence.  In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]!  For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]  John 16:33 AMP

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen, no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights."  Habakkuk 3:17-19

The one overwhelmingly wonderful thing on our unexpected journey is that it has drawn me closer and closer to the Lord.  That is priceless!  I wouldn't trade that for anything.  It is the gold that has been mined from the deep pits of suffering.  His daily presence and closeness is a treasure.

The King Has One More Move

I recently came across a 3 minute video clip called “Checkmate” that has ministered to my heart and given me fresh faith.  I attach the link at the bottom of this post.  Sometimes things in our lives seem hopeless, but "the King has one more move."  God is at work in ways we can't see.  He is setting things up to do the impossible, to answer our prayers.  He is listening to every cry of our hearts.  He hears every prayer we utter.  He wants to lift every burden we bear.  He longs to meet our needs.  He is faithful!

On the screen in the background of this video clip is a message that says "Never confuse God's silence as inactivity!"  I love that.  Sometimes we pray and all we hear is silence.  But that doesn't mean that God isn't at work.  "In the kingdom of God nothing just 'happens.' "  God is always actively working behind the scenes to help us,  meet us, and answer prayer.

Sometimes when we're in the midst of something, we don't even see what God is doing.  We're so focused on the situation that we can lose perspective.  It's only later that we look back and see "oh yeah, God was working there."  I had that happen a number of times on our unexpected journey. 

I have new prayer requests I'm lifting to the Lord.  Some of them seem pretty huge, pretty impossible, but I remind myself that "the King has one more move."  He's still at work.  He's not finished.  Thank you Lord!

"The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer."  1 Peter 3:12 

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God:  that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us."  1 John 5:14

"Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:12,13

"Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there anything too hard for me?"  Jeremiah 32:27

I remind myself daily that I need to keep faith and hope alive in my heart.  I am not alone.  I serve a God of the impossible.  And I must be careful to not give up too quickly!  It's the Almighty God, the King of the universe that I am bringing my requests to.  He is able, and He is faithful!

During the 5+ years of our unexpected journey, it was so intense and stretching.  After Floyd passed away, I took a deep breath and thought maybe I'd have a season of peace and rest.  But I've found that the Lord keeps stretching my faith.  I've come to understand that it's out of His heart of love for me.  He wants me to keep becoming more like Him so He gives me fresh opportunities to grow.  I don't always like them, but I see them as for my good.  A phrase that is on my mind a lot is "I don't know how Lord, but my eyes are on you."  I truly don't know how I can be stretched any more, but the Lord helps me daily to learn and grow.  I'm so grateful for His grace and strength.

When we first moved to Amsterdam in 1973, we were told that we weren't wanted or needed in the city.  The spiritual atmosphere in the city was bleak - drugs were rampant, the red light district was a thriving industry, only a handful of churches preached the Gospel, and there was a lack of unity among believers.  Our workers loved the city, prayed for it, and poured their lives into serving in whatever way they could.  There were some hard years, but there were also many good, encouraging things happening. Those who came after us continued loving and praying for the city.  Many have faithfully served there. 

A friend who had been with us in those years recently visited Amsterdam.  He said the contrast was like day and night.  It's a different city!  It's been a radical transformation - physically and spiritually.  I couldn't help but think of all the "stretching" years.....but as we kept our eyes on the Lord, He has done wonderful things.  Those prayers have been answered.  

As you and I are stretched in our individual situations, we can be sure that God is with us - helping us, strengthening us, encouraging us, and working to answer our prayers.....even if we can't see it yet. 

"Truly God has listened; He has attended to the voice of my prayer."  Psalm 66:19

"I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy."  Psalm 116:1

"If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land."  2 Chronicles 7:1

I sometimes get impatient wanting to see answers to my prayers.  But, even when I can't see anything happening, I can rest assured that God is faithfully at work!  I thank Him today for all the answered prayers for Amsterdam.

I trust that all you dear mothers will have a blessed Mother's Day on Sunday.  Thank you for your love and care for your families.  Happy Mother's Day!

Our "Nevertheless" Moments

This Easter weekend I had some sweet times of fellowship with the Lord in thanking Him for His death and resurrection - and all He has provided for me through that.  Here in South Africa, Easter is usually when our weather "turns" toward winter but this year we had beautiful, balmy, sunny days here in Cape Town.  It was a lovely gift!

During the years that Floyd was sick, there were many "why" questions that people had.  It was understandable.  With God's help, I was able to turn the questions into trusting God's goodness and wisdom.  Trust became a daily choice for me, and, as I trusted, the questions didn't weigh on my heart.

But now I find myself in a different situation.  I have 2 dear friends who are suffering greatly.  I pray for "healing or heaven" for them as I prayed for Floyd.  But they linger......and I wonder why God doesn't take them home.  God gave me grace to trust Him for Floyd, but now I'm troubled for my two friends.

I was sharing with a friend about this, and she told me what has helped her.  There are "nevertheless" moments in our lives that we have to give to God.  Jesus asked the Father to "take the cup" from Him.....but "nevertheless your will be done!"  Jesus' prayer wasn't answered.  He had to go to the cross - nevertheless He trusted the Father's will.

In the "nevertheless moments" in our lives when our prayers aren't answered in the way we ask, in the way that seems right or logical - that's when we need to trust, to surrender to God's will.

It's interesting that I was able to trust in Floyd's situation, but now I am grieving over the suffering of my friends.  I'm having to dig deeper into trust!  I guess it's a never ending journey.  Thank goodness that God is completely trustworthy!!!  He never fails us, never turns His back on us, never stops loving us.  He is rock solid!

"O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt."  Matthew 26:39

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."  Isaiah 26:3

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths."  Proverbs 3:5,6

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord."  Jeremiah 17:7

The lessons I learned on our unexpected journey need to be reaffirmed as I face new situations.  They aren't "done and dusted" as they say.  I have to apply these lessons afresh and as I do, our faithful teacher takes me deeper into them and draws me closer to Himself. 

This week, as well as the “nevertheless” moments of trust, He has taken me deeper in the lesson of trust in another area too…

I had some things happening physically this week that caused many emotions to come roaring into my thoughts  -  nervousness, anxiety, worry, fear.  They're all feelings that we have at one time or another.  They can pop up over little details in our daily life, or they can land heavily in our thoughts over something important we are facing.  At times, they can feel like a 1000 pound weight we are carrying around.

I didn't want these emotions, I tried to get rid of them, but they persisted.  In those moments I know I need to activate trust in my heart - I need to choose it and ask God to help me overcome the concerns with trust.

I thought of David's proclamation - "When I am afraid, I will trust in You."  He knew the fear was there, but he chose trust.  We can't blame ourselves for having very human emotions, but what we do with them is the key.  I confessed to the Lord that I was worried, and gave the "burden" of the worry to Him.  I spoke out my trust, quoted verses of trust, and asked Him to help me.  The weights began to lift from my heart.  I was able to enter into thanking the Lord for fresh hope and perspective.

It doesn't mean the concerns completely disappear, but it helps me know how to handle them every time they invade my heart again.

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:13,14

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

"My heart is in anguish within me...Fear and trembling have beset me...As for me, I call to God, and the Lord saves me.  Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice."  Psalm 55:4,5,16,17

"May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you."  Psalm 33:22

I can't make it through the trials of life on my own.  I need the Lord's grace, strength, wisdom, and comfort.  As I put my trust in Him, He meets my every need.  He is so faithful!

A Truly Good Friday

Recently in conversation with a friend, he shared with me his mother’s testimony.  She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and given 6 months to live.  That was over 30 years ago!  She is alive and well today.

It was a wonderful boost to my faith to hear this.  My doctor thinks I'm doing "remarkable," but I still have a cancer tumor.  I pray daily for God to dissolve it as it can't be removed surgically.  I am grateful for every day.  Grateful to be alive, and I trust for more years to come.

I have found it important as I pray to be grateful for what I have, and to not be demanding when I bring my requests to the Lord.  Prayer isn't a time to give orders.  It's a time to humbly submit ouarselves into the Lord's care - bringing our requests to Him, with thanksgiving.  When I get tired of the things I'm dealing with, I remind myself of how much I have to be thankful for already.  It helps to "balance" my prayer requests.

This Easter, I think once again that "by His stripes we are healed."  I pray for that.  I am so thankful for the suffering Jesus went through to provide for our healing.

"Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."  Philippians 4:6

"He was wounded for our transgressions; He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed."  Isaiah 53:5

"By His wounds you have been healed."  1 Peter 2:24

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy."  Psalm 103:2-4

I am so grateful for all His "benefits."  He forgives me, heals me, redeems me, and blesses me with love and mercy.  How good and faithful God is.

A butterfly got into my house through an open door recently.  Have you ever tried to catch a butterfly?!  I didn't have any kind of net, and I found it impossible to catch it.  The best I could do was to try and steer it towards the open door.  Finally it flew away.

In the midst of this, I felt the Lord speaking into my heart.  If I'm not careful, I can be like that butterfly - flying wildly all over the place and missing where I need to be going.  It was a special little reminder to keep my focus on Him, on the things that are important, on where I need to go.  I love the special messages that God speaks into my heart!

On this good Friday as we remember what Christ has done for us - and as we prepare for His resurrection victory - I have been meditating on His goodness.  I am so grateful for His sacrifice, His suffering for us, and the provision it brings.  It reminded me of something the Lord spoke into my heart when I was doing my deck walking and praying last week.

We had been having some stormy weather - lots of heavy, gray clouds.  As I looked out towards the ocean, the clouds were so low they looked like they were almost touching the water.  It was a striking image.  As I gazed at this the Lord spoke so clearly into my heart "heaven and earth are closer than we think."  It was an unusual thought, but I felt ministered to that God is so near.  He's not far off.  He's close to us, reaching out to us, ministering to us - we can almost reach out and touch Him He's so close.  The dark clouds almost touching the water were a powerful symbolism of what God was speaking into my heart.

In thinking of Christ's death on the cross today it made me think that what He went through brought heaven close to us!  He has provided the path, the way for us by all He suffered.  He bled and died to bring heaven to us.  He paid a debt he didn't owe to take care of a debt we couldn't pay on our own!  He brought heaven to us through His sacrifice.  I've been overwhelmed in thinking of that - overwhelmed with gratitude!

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life."  John 3:15

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."  John 15:13

"The Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many."  Mark 10:45

"Abba Father," He said, "everything is possible for you.  Take this cup from me.  Yet, not what I will, but what you will."  Mark 14:36

"I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me."  John 14:6

"Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved."  Acts 4:12

Through His suffering and death, Jesus has provided forgiveness so that we might join Him in heaven for all eternity.  I'm humbled by His sacrifice.  I'm undeserving, but He made a way.  Thank you, dear Jesus, for all you've done for us!

You have truly made this a "good Friday."

He is 100% Solid & Sure

One of the days this week my gardener was scheduled to work on a list of things I had for him to do.  But the weather forecast was for heavy rain, so I canceled.  Then I awoke to bright, shining sunshine!

It's not the first time the weather forecast has been wrong.  In spite of all the training, all the equipment - the weatherman doesn't always get the predictions accurate.

I started thinking along these lines and thought of businesses, companies that make promises but don't live up to what they say.  People sometimes make commitments, and then bail on us.  Even written agreements turn out not to be valid because of some technicality.  It can be really hard to put your trust in things.

In my quiet time that day, I couldn't help but think of how solid and sure God's word is.  That is one thing we can 100% count on!  His promises are sure.  His word is unchanging.  He does what He says.  He doesn't come up with excuses to not fulfill what He's said.  He doesn't tell us we missed the fine print somewhere.  He doesn't change His mind at the last minute.  He is rock solid and totally dependable.

In the last few years on our unexpected journey, I often referred to my days being like a roller coaster - up and down, always changing.  The one thing that held me on course was the fact that I knew God was unchanging.  His promises, His faithfulness would carry me through.  That was my security, my strength.  And He proved Himself true.

I'm so grateful that when everything around me may be changing, God doesn't change!  He is solid and secure.  He carries me and keeps me steady.

"God is not man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that he should change His mind.  Has He said, and will He not do it?  Or has He spoken, and will He not fulfill it?"  Numbers 23:19

"For I the Lord do not change."  Malachi 3:6

"The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever."  Isaiah 40:8

"Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away."  Matthew 24:35

I've received some messages recently asking for help in processing grief.  I'm certainly not an expert on this topic, but I've seen God's faithfulness to me in suffering and grief over and over again.  He has carried me and helped me day by day.  Isaiah 63:9 has become a favorite verse for me.  "In all their suffering He also suffered, and He personally rescued them.  In His love and mercy He redeemed them.  He lifted them up and carried them through all the years." 

On days when I felt like I could hardly put one foot in front of the other to keep going, I pictured Jesus weeping with me in my sorrow - and picking me up and carrying me in His loving arms.  Knowing that His love and mercy was there to redeem me in the situation helped me keep going.  He would personally rescue me!

"Trials are, by definition, trying!  They reduce us."

But "if God's presence has led us into trying places, is there really any other place we would rather be?" (from Anonymous - Jesus' hidden years and yours by Alicia Britt Chole).

In the midst of the roller coaster, tears, suffering, stress, grief, and a hundred other emotions - I kept remembering that Jesus has faced everything we face.  He understands!  When He weeps with me, it's from a place of empathy. And then He picks me up and carries me.  He has carried me so often!!  If He has allowed me to be in this trying place, then I can rest assured that His grace will sufficiently carry me through.

"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble."  Psalm 9:9

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

"Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows."  Isaiah 53:4 

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  Psalm 147:3

When we hit a rough spot, when we face loss and sorrow and grief - God doesn't abandon us.  No!  He comes close.  He walks beside us and carries us if we're too weak to keep walking.  He suffers with us and helps us.  He is exceedingly good and faithful.  

I lean into Him daily in my weakness.  He is there for me - and for you! 

Focusing on God's Goodness

This week I was dealing with a stressful situation.  Phone calls, emails, and lots of time spent on it - but no solution.  I was facing a deadline, and feeling the pressure of needing answers.  That night laying in bed, I told the Lord I really needed a deadline breakthrough and the next morning I had it!  I was able to speak to the right person, and I had the way forward that I needed.  It was SUCH a relief!  I was so grateful God helped me sort it out!

In the midst of times like that, it's easy to be frustrated and worry.  I try not to worry, but it's hard.  A helpful tool for me is something that the Lord spoke to me over and over again while walking our unexpected journey.  It's very simple - being thankful.  Whatever I'm facing, whatever I'm walking through, no matter how hard it is - choosing to express gratitude and be thankful in spite of the circumstances is so important.

Now, having said that, it's easier said than done!!  My tendency is definitely to lean into worry.  I have to catch myself, and make a conscious effort to not let worry overtake my thoughts.  A big help to me when this happens is to start thanking the Lord for all the previous answers to prayer!  There are so many.  When I remind myself of how God has met me time and time again, it builds faith to help me in whatever new thing I'm facing that is challenging.

It all boils down to what I focus on.  That night as I poured out my heart to the Lord, I asked him to help me with my thoughts - to help me not dwell on the stressful situation.  It's really important for me to "talk things out with the Lord."  He knows what all I'm thinking anyways - and as I talk it through with Him, it transfers the burden to Him.  When I woke up the next morning, I was still very aware that I needed a big answer, a solution, but the heaviness of it was gone.

And then He helped bring the breakthrough!  I'm so thankful.

"Trust in Him at all time, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."  Psalm 62:8

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  Psalm143:8 

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."  1 Peter 5:7

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."  Philippians 4:6,7

Jesus showed us the example of this.  When he was heavy hearted about something, He withdrew and spent time with the Father.  As I share my worries with the Lord, "with thanksgiving" as the verse above says - it puts the matters in God's hands.  I'm so grateful for how He intervened to help me!

I enjoy watching home renovation/restoration/decorating programs.  It's such fun to watch old, worn out homes turned into beautifully updated living spaces.  One of my favorites is Home Town.  It's filmed in the small town of Laurel, Mississippi.  The couple who renovate the homes, Ben & Erin, say that they hope there will come a time when every old home in the city will be renovated so that it can live on.  What a wonderful goal. 

I was watching an episode recently where they took a really old, worn down, dilapidated home and turned it into a gorgeous masterpiece.  The transformation was remarkable - jaw dropping in the transformation, almost unbelievable.

As I was watching the program, I had the thought come to my mind - that's what God does to us, especially in how he renews our mind.  We are bombarded with tragic, hopeless stories every day in the news.  And often we see sad situations around us where we live.  It's easy to be robbed of hope and joy.  So many needs.  So many difficult problems.  So many hurting people.  So many things that seem impossible to remedy.  It can be overwhelming.

It's really important to ask God to renew our minds so that we can see HIM in the midst of all the needs.  He understands the pressure of the world around us robbing us of our joy, our hope, our faith.  But when we invite Him to come in and cleanse our minds, our spirits - it gives us a fresh start.  It's entirely possible for us to become so distracted by the things around us that we lose sight of His presence in us and with us.  We lose sight of the "hope and future" that He has for us.  We miss how He wants to use us as His instrument in the situations we are so concerned about.

These last few years as I battled cancer and cared for Floyd, I had to be carefully on guard that I didn't lose sight of who God was in my midst, how He wanted to help me with all I faced.  A protection for me was to regularly ask God to cleanse and renew my mind.  It was an important  protection for me to keep from being overwhelmed with all I faced.

Honestly, I don't think I could have made it without the Lord frequently renewing my mind!  Everything was so difficult, so heavy, so many needs and problems.  Some days it felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my frail shoulders.  But every time I came to the Lord and asked him to lift the weights and renew my mind - it felt like I had a new beginning.  His light came shining through the darkness of everything I faced.

I am so grateful for His renewing power in my mind that helps me see clearly who He is in the midst of the problems I face.  I couldn't make it without Him!

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."  Romans 12:2

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."  Philippians 4:8

That verse is such powerful instruction!!  If we truly focused our minds and hearts on that list - our lives would be so different.

"So we do not lose heart.  Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day."  2 Corinthians 4:16 

"They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

"To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."  Romans 8:6

We can't renew our minds in our own strength and power.  Only God can do it.  And He longs to do that for us if we but ask!  He freely gives His renewing grace and power.  How wonderfully faithful He is.

God Isn't Done With Me Yet

Most mornings when I get up I start the day with 3 affirmations of God's promises:

-  that His mercies are new every morning

-  that His grace is sufficient for every need

-  that His power is made perfect in weakness

I speak them out loud, and I remind the Lord that I can't possibly make it without Him.  I've recently been carrying some problem situations on my heart, so I need these promises more than ever!!  

At the same time, I've been reading back through some of my old updates from a few years ago.  I am in awe of all God has carried me through.  He has been so, so good to me - so faithful.  He truly has met me time and time again in my weakness and need.  I can't thank Him enough.

I have to admit that I have sometimes felt guilty bringing my needs to the Lord when I see what people in Ukraine are facing.  My needs seem so small compared to what they are going through.  And then I think that my situation, all our situations could "turn on a dime" and change in an instant.  My life turned upside down 6 years ago, and God got me through it.  I'm so very, very thankful!  And our God who knows all the stars by name is big enough to carry all our problems - big and small.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22,23

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  2 Corinthians 12:9

God's greatness shines through the most in our weakness, and He gets the glory because we couldn't possibly make it without His help!  My trials force me to press in close to Him, and trust Him more fully.  I need to live my life to the fullest as I trust Him to be my sufficiency.  I am so grateful for His faithfulness.  

I love the bougainvilleas that we have here in South Africa.  They are so strong and hardy.  Even in the stormy rain and wind of winter, they bloom brilliantly.  They have beautiful flowers all year long.

So what happened to one of my plants was very surprising.  We have a bougainvillea "tree" at the back of our property.  Some time ago it was weather damaged and we needed to cut it back.  After that - there were no flowers for a long, long time.  I was beginning to give up hope that it would ever bloom again.

Then, all of the sudden it literally "burst" into bloom.  I share the photo above.  It is so beautiful - lovelier than it's ever been.  My neighbors have commented on it.  I look at it out my kitchen window and admire it.

And, as you might expect, the Lord used it to speak to me.  After the roller coaster unexpected journey of recent years, I have felt beaten up and barren.  I have found myself feeling so "weathered" that I've wondered if I'll ever recover.  Watching what has happened with this plant has given me fresh hope.  God isn't done with me yet!  I feel He has fresh "blooms" for me, fresh life and growth.  I wait in expectation for the good things He has in store for me.

"Come, let us return to the Lord.  He has torn us to pieces, but He will heal us; He has injured us but He will bind up our wounds."  Hosea 6:1

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"The God of all grace...after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."  1 Peter 5:10

"Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow."  Isaiah 55:11

Restoration is a recurring theme all throughout the Bible.  I love how we can see it in nature - as my bougainvillea tree has so clearly shown me.  God is healing and restoring me from all that has been robbed and lost in recent years.  He is faithful!

He Knows the Stars by Name

So many times when I've prayed for Ukraine, I've asked the Lord how to pray.  One word keeps coming through loud and clear - hope!  I can't begin to imagine how discouraging and hopeless the situation must be for the dear people there.  Without hope - some measure of hope - I don't know how they can keep going.  Hope is what carries us through difficult times.  There is immense power in hope.

Hope is something we all need in the situations we face.  Whatever we are trying to "make it" through, we need hope - a hope that is rooted in God giving us grace and strength to keep going.  We so often hope "for what we do not see."  We can't do that without God's help.  In fact, our hope reveals our trust in the God who sees everything.

I've noticed that when we've been stretched over and over, we come to a place where we think "that's enough."  We can feel we're at our limit - we can't be stretched more.  And then God takes us further and deeper into lessons He has for us.  I can't begin to count how many times this has happened in my life - and certainly in the last few years.  I've thought, and said, "enough" a number of times.

Hope is what keeps me going.  Hope that God won't stretch me too far.  Hope that He will give me all I need.  Hope that good will come from hard situations.  Hope that His grace really is sufficient for my every need.  This kind of hope is what allows me to survive - and to persevere.  No one is hopeless who knows the God of hope!

"A person can endure almost anything as long as he has hope; as long as he can believe there may come a change for the better.  He can put up with privation; he can stand severe hardship; he can accept harsh confinement; he can live with discomfort; he can be patient through long illness.  Hope works in these ways:

• Hope looks for the good in people instead of harping on the worst.

• Hope opens doors when despair closes them.

• Hope discovers what can be done instead of grumbling about what cannot.

• Hope draws its power from a deep trust in god and His ability to redeem all men.

• Hope regards problems, small or large, as opportunities.

• Hope cherishes no illusions, nor does it yield to cynicism.

• Hope sets big goals and is not frustrated by repeated difficulties or setbacks.

• Hope pushes ahead when it would be easy to quit.

• Hope puts up with modest gains, realizing that "the longest journey starts with one step."

• Hope accepts misunderstandings as the price for serving the greater good of others.

• Hope "lights a candle" instead of "cursing the darkness."

(taken from Village Times, YWAM Kona, 1981)

"Hope does not disappoint."  Romans 5:5

"Why are you cast down, O my soul?...Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him."  Psalm 42:5

"Hope that is seen is not hope.  For who hopes for what he already sees.  But if we have hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."  Romans 8:24,25

"For you are my hope, O Lord God."  Psalm 71:5

I'm asking God for fresh hope in my heart today - for the people of Ukraine, and for you and me as we walk through the difficulties we are facing.  I know God will be faithful to all of us!

While my thoughts and prayers have been lifted up continually for Ukraine, I've also had several other serious matters on my heart.  It can get a bit heavy and overwhelming at times.  I heard a story this week that was really helpful to me.

A minister was addressing a group.  He held up a large piece of paper with a single black dot in the middle of it - and asked everyone what they saw.  Person after person replied that they saw a black dot.  He kept asking what else they saw, but no one had a different answer.  Finally he told them that they missed the most important thing - the large piece of paper. 

The message, of course, is that we often get distracted by something "small" and we miss the big things.  The Lord used this to remind me of lessons He has taught me the last few years on our unexpected journey.  In the midst of the roller coaster ups and downs of trials, He spoke to me over and over again about worship and counting my blessings.  When I focus on Him and on all the good things in my life, the difficult things I'm facing get into their proper place......they are in God's hands.  He's working in them, and helping me with them.  It was such a good reminder.  I'm now looking at the large sheet of paper instead of focusing on the little black dot!!!

I also came across an article that talked about the number of stars in the universe.  A conservative estimate puts the number at 200 billion trillion, or 200 sextillion.

That's 200,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. That's a LOT of stars.  I actually found several different totals listed but this was the most consistent number.  I guess we really don't know the true number - only God does!!

The Bible says God "counts the stars and calls them all by name." (Psalm 147:4)  To put it in perspective, that's more than 10,000 stars for each grain of sand on earth.  I live near a sand covered beach.....lots of grains of sand.....and lots of beaches on earth.....and that many stars for each grain of sand.  Put another way, it's 10 times the number of cups of water in all the oceans of the earth.

Just stop and think about all that for a minute.  The numbers are utterly mind boggling.  I can't hardly wrap my brain around them.  Soooo many stars, and God has a name for them all!!  And yet, He is mindful about each and every one of us.  He is aware of what we are facing.  He cares about every burden we bear.  He is with us continually and helping us with what we are going through.  He never leaves us, never forsakes us, never gets too busy to help us.  He knows the names of those sextillion stars, and He still knows Sally Ann McClung in Cape Town, South Africa.  I'm in awe of His greatness.  He is definitely the "large sheet of paper" and I'm often just focusing on the little black dot.

"I create the light and make the darkness."  Isaiah 45:7

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."  John 1:1

"Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."  Psalm 46:10

"By day the Lord directs His love, at night His song is with me."  Psalm 42:8

There have been a few times at night when I've watched the International Space Station (ISS) move rapidly above us here.  It's quite amazing to see.  And yet - there are many billion trillion stars beyond them.  Our wonderful creator God is beyond our comprehension, but He is caring for us day by day, moment by moment.  I worship Him!

He Cares for the Sparrows

If you're like me, you check in with news reports to see what is happening in Ukraine.  The situation there is never far from my thoughts and prayers, so I want to get the latest reports.

But there's information coming in from other sources that's important to hear too:

- paratroopers being blown off course

- ships unable to land because of stormy seas

- huge amounts of food, clothing, and other supplies being donated

- people all over Europe opening their homes and hearts to refugees

In the midst of the turmoil, there are good things happening.  We need to pray for more of that, even as we pray for the conflict to end.

While we pray for things happening on the big, world-wide scale - there are always things happening right around us where we live.  We have to give attention to them, and trust for answers to prayer right where we are.  It's not an either/or, but both/and.  I sometimes find myself feeling overwhelmed with all I need to pray for!

It's helpful for me to take time to just sit in His presence, and receive from Him.  It keeps things in balance.  As I abide in Him, He gives me His heart and His perspective for all the different situations.  It's such a help - and also a protection from getting overloaded.  I can trust Him to guide me through the maze of needs close by and far away.  He leads me along, step by step.

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

" 'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you."  Isaiah 54:10

"Consider it all joy...when you encounter various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2,3

As I have been praying for all these things - an end to the raging war, for healing of hearts and bodies of those around me, for comfort for hurting hearts, for strength, grace, and encouragement for those who are going through trying times, for provision for those in need – I have been encouraged by one of God’s little creatures…

The migration of swallows from Europe which happens every summer .  This summer they arrived on Oct. 25. They fly during the day, covering about 200 miles each day.  Their journey takes about six weeks.  This past year their route was tracked over western France, eastern Spain into Morocco, crossing the Sahara desert, over the Congo rainforest, and on into Namibia and South Africa.  They have an incredible navigational ability, and they often return to the same nest they had the year before.  Some local bird enthusiasts who watch their activities say they're preparing to leave us and head north before long for the northern hemisphere summer.

I'm a bit in awe of these little creatures - flying 40 days or so twice a year.  I dread even one long plane trip!  And the fact that they know their way, and often return to the same nest as the year before.  Incredible!

Thinking about these little ones, I was reminded of a well known verse in the Bible.  "What is the price of two sparrows - one copper coin?  But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it."  Matthew 10:29  And I like the way it's expressed in Luke 12:6 - "not one of them is forgotten by God."

Realizing that God is so mindful of them - it gave me fresh confidence that God is aware of everything happening in my life.  No detail, large or small, goes unnoticed by the Lord.  He is watching over me.  He is releasing strength and grace for every need I'm facing.  His comfort and presence is with me continually.  He never leaves me, never forsakes me.  He is my constant companion through day and night.  Having a fresh reminder of this gave me such comfort and security.

And as I pray for all the dear ones in Ukraine, I know God is with them.  I know His heart is broken over all that is happening.  I know He's working miracles to help and strengthen them.

I know He's answering our prayers in ways we both see and don't see.  I know He is so mindful of each and every person.  As we lift up our prayers, He is sending ministering angels to care for each one.

I continue to hear reports of how God is at work in Ukraine.  Our prayers make a difference!  We must keep praying for all the workers who are trying to help the refugees - to get them moved from danger, to feed and clothe them, to provide medical care, to bring comfort in the midst of so much uncertainty, and to help them find places to go.  The workers are sometimes weary, but they push themselves to keep going because the needs are great.  Pray for extra strength for them.  Pray for anointing on their caring hands - and for safety as they take risks to help.

"I know every bird in the mountains, and the insects in the fields are mine."  Psalm 50:11

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."  2 Corinthians 4: 7-9

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

It's easy to lose hope when we look at the ravages of the war in Ukraine and see all the suffering.  But being reminded of how God cares for the birds, every single one of them, gives fresh hope to keep praying for miracles to help those in the war zone - and to pray for peace.

Light in the Darkness

I have been so heavy hearted in recent days at the unfolding events in Ukraine.  I imagine many of you feel the same.  It is so tragic and unbelievable.  There is such a sense of not being able to do anything about it.  It feels overwhelming.  I have been crying out to God for all those that are being impacted.

In the midst of this, God has been speaking several things to my heart.  He has been reminding me that His light shines even if we are unaware of it.  It may, it does, feel very dark with all that is happening - but darkness and light are the same to God.  

"Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you."  Psalm 139:12

"Then Solomon prayed, 'O Lord, you have said that you would live in a thick cloud of darkness.' " 1 Kings 8:12

The dark clouds are there, but I need to keep my focus on God.  He is in the midst of the dark clouds.  He has not disappeared.  He is not afraid of the darkness.  He is unchanging!!  He continues to be my "ever present help in trouble" even in the darkness of what is happening.  I need to cling to who He is and not let the darkness overshadow the truth.

I've also felt challenged to have childlike humility and faith.  When Jesus was asked "who is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He replied "I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the kingdom of heaven."  Matthew 18:1,3

Because of disappointments in life, as we grow into adulthood our hope, faith, and belief in the impossible can be diminished.  We say something is "impossible."  To a child, nothing is impossible.  There is a sense of wonder, confidence, and dreaming.  "Faith shines brightest in a childlike heart."

As I look at everything that is happening, I need to keep a heart of childlike faith to my prayers - trusting and believing for miracles to happen.  I look forward to hearing testimonies of how God has met His dear ones in the midst of the tragedies.

The Lord has also reminded me to cast all my anxieties on Him - otherwise they can become toxic and bring destruction to my heart.  "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.  Be alert and of sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."  1 Peter 5:7,8

I know that I need to pray with an intensity that matches any anxiety I feel.  That is where my security and peace will be found.  With the hurricane like force of all we are hearing and reading, we need to hold fast to our strong, sure anchor in the Lord.

While these major world events are happening, I still face daily challenges right here in my own life.  I know God is mindful of my "little battles" as well.  It's been such a comfort to be reminded that He is full of light in the darkness.  He hears my heart of childlike faith, and He reaches out to carry every anxiety and burden of my heart.  He is so good, so faithful, so present with me.....and He is with the dear ones facing upheaval in Ukraine.  

It is wonderful to get reports of how He is answering our prayers for them… these are a few samples of encouraging messages coming from people there:

• Sometimes something really unexplainable happens, as if an invisible hand is directing bullets and other missiles away from us, so that they fly past us.

• We are getting victories in very difficult situations as if someone is leading us.

• We seem to be invisible to the enemy, but we ourselves are able to see in total darkness.

• Sometimes rockets disappear in the air without reaching our homes.  No one knows where they go.

• Enemy tanks run out of fuel; troops get lost and ask our locals for food and directions.

Over and over they are saying thank you, thank you so much for your prayers - and ask that you keep praying.  They feel the prayer support.

Of course, there are many tragic, heart breaking stories too.  It is such a horrible situation.  We must keep praying.  There are battles being fought on the ground, but we can do battle in prayer!

Over the years of our unexpected journey, I have shared quotes a number of times from Corrie ten Boom.  She herself, of course, went through war and spent time in a Nazi concentration camp.  She survived to tell the world about forgiveness, unfaltering faith, and hope in God.

I was thinking about her this week and remembered one of her quotes:

"If you look at the world, you'll be distressed.  If you look within, you'll be depressed.  But if you look at Christ, you'll be at rest."

This is such a simple but profound outlook.  It is indeed distressing to look at the world today.  If I get introspective, it's depressing because of my own needs and weaknesses.  But, thankfully, we can look at our sure, firm Rock - the Lord Himself - and find rest and peace.  I'm so grateful for that!  The thing that holds me steady is clinging tightly to the Lord's hand.  That truly is where I find my rest.

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor my covenant of peace be removed."  Isaiah 54:10

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear."  Psalm 46:1

"He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings shall you trust and find refuge."  Psalm 91:4

"Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."  Deuteronomy 31:6

A New Season

Wednesday was a tender day for me.  Six years ago on Feb. 23, 2016 Floyd was awoken during the early morning hours with a horrible pain in his left leg.  It came out of nowhere.  That was the beginning of our very unexpected journey that put him in the hospital for 5 years, 3 months, and 6 days before he went to meet Jesus.  Nothing was ever the same after that morning.

It still seems so surreal to me.  I have moments when it continues to seem unbelievable that our lives could be so suddenly and inexplicably turned upside down.  I am grateful that Floyd is no longer suffering.  It was such a hard time for him.

I am also so grateful for all the precious ones who prayed for us during those years.  Those prayers helped carry us along the journey. 

All through the long journey, I had regular times of personal communion.  It was life giving for me to remember day by day what Christ had done for me.  I had some very precious moments all alone in times of communion.

I read something in a book recently about communion that expressed what I hadn't been able to put into words:

"Come to this table, not because you must but because you may.  Not because you are strong, but because you are weak.  Come, not because any goodness of your own gives you a right to come, but because you need mercy and help.  Come, because you love the Lord a little and would like to love Him more." (from Book of Dreams, a novel by Davis Bunn). 

I'm so grateful for all Jesus has done for me, for us.  The communion table was a wonderful time of remembering and thanking Him.

"Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life.  Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty."  John 6:35

"May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all."  2 Corinthians 13:14

"For everything there is a season...a time to be born, and a time to die...a time to weep, and a time to laugh...a time to mourn, and a time to dance."  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

"He changes times and seasons."  Daniel 2:21

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.  Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."  Isaiah 43:18, 19 

God's strength, grace and presence have been close during this tender week – I’m so grateful.  I've sensed that I'm entering into a new season.  I don't understand exactly what that means - and I'm still grieving the loss of my life companion.  But I hold tightly to the Lord's hand as I move forward into all that He has for me.  I trust Him.  I trust His plans and purposes for the future.  He has been so faithful to me on our long unexpected journey.  I know He'll be faithful with whatever is ahead.  

There are times when things don't go the way we had hoped.  Disappointment enters in.  We can become sad, even burdened down by unfulfilled hopes.  It's happened to me at times - and I'm sure it's happened to many of you.

During a recent time of disappointment, I was reminded of this verse from Proverbs 17:22 - "A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones."  I didn't want my disappointed, broken spirit to dry me up!  I realized that the "medicine" I needed for my disappointment was to turn my heart in worship to the Lord.  I needed to be "merry" in Him.  I needed to rest in the joy of the Lord that is my help and strength.

As I changed my disappointment focus to worshipping the Lord - everything changed.  My attitude of choosing worship helped heal my heart.  The clouds of disappointment lifted.  My perspective changed from me to the Lord.

Many medical doctors have acknowledged that a positive outlook even helps with physical healing.  My oncologist once told me that hope and a positive outlook can be the difference between surviving or not making it.  Medicine helps, but it's not enough.  What's in our hearts impacts us in every way.

"Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."  John 16:33

"The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

"Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you.  He will not permit the Godly to slip and fall."  Psalm 55:22

"This is the day the Lord has made.  We will rejoice and be glad in it."  Psalm 118:24

Joy and sorrow and disappointment can intermingle in our days.  Having a merry heart, worshipping, and being joyful can make all the difference in our outlook.  We may not be born optimists, but we can "choose worship" and let it overcome the disappointments we face.

All Praise to YHWH

A verse I was reading jumped off the page to me recently: 

"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.  If one person falls, the other can reach out and help.  But someone who falls alone is in real trouble."  Another version says, "Woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up."  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

The more I thought about this verse, the more I thought of how much we need each other.  We weren't meant to travel down life's pathway alone.  Two are definitely better than one.  We can help and support each other.

But in order to do that, we have to be open and vulnerable with each other.  That's not always easy.  I can't tell you how many times I've sat at my computer keyboard typing an update and wondered about sharing my needs.  It's not always easy to open up our hearts and lives to others.

And dozens of times after I've shared, I've sat here feeling so vulnerable and exposed.  It can almost feel raw after you share your need!

But, at the same time, I know I wouldn't have made it all these years if I hadn't vulnerably shared my needs and asked for prayer.  "Woe" it would have been to me if I hadn't asked for help and support.

Monday was Valentine's Day.  I was reflecting on this verse.  I thanked the Lord that all the dear ones that have carried me in prayer are my "valentines."  I’m so grateful.

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."  Galatians 6:2

"This is my commandment: love each other just as I have loved you."  John 15:12

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."  Philippians 2:4

"A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed."  Proverbs 11:25

I couldn't have made it on this journey alone!  I am so thankful for each one who has helped carry my burdens, looked out for my interests, loved me, been generous to me and encouraged me.   

Something else that has really ministered to me very deeply this week is something a friend shared...

"There was a moment when Moses had asked God what his name is. God was gracious enough to answer, and the name he gave is recorded in the original Hebrew as YHWH.

Over time we’ve arbitrarily added an “a” and an “e” in there to get YaHWeH, presumably because we have a preference for vowels. But scholars and rabbis have noted that the letters YHWH represent breathing sounds, or aspirated consonants. When pronounced without intervening vowels, it actually sounds like breathing. YH (inhale): WH (exhale).

So a baby’s first cry, his first breath, speaks the name of God. A deep sigh calls His name – or a groan or gasp that is too heavy for mere words. Even an atheist would speak His name unaware that their very breathe is giving constant acknowledgment to God. Likewise, a person leaves this earth with their last breath, when God’s name is no longer filing their lungs.
So when I can’t utter anything else, is my cry calling out His name?

Being alive means I speak His name constantly.  Is it heard the loudest when I’m the quietest?
In sadness, we breathe heavy sighs. In joy, our lungs feel almost like they will burst. In fear we hold our breath and have to be told to breathe slowly to help us calm down. When we’re about to do something hard, we take a deep breath to find our courage.

When I think about it, breathing is giving him praise. Even in the hardest moments!
This is so beautiful and fills me with emotion every time I grasp the thought. God chose to give himself a name that we can’t help but speak every moment we’re alive. All of us, always, everywhere. Waking, sleeping, breathing, with the name of God on our lips."  (This has been widely shared, even sung about, but I have been unable to find the original source.) 

I have been thinking about this for days.  In my weakest moments during my cancer treatment, when I had such bad mouth sores that I couldn't speak or eat - my very breath was calling His name.

When I was close to leaving this world after complications from a major surgery - my faint breathing was calling His name.

When Floyd was passing from earth to heaven, the nurse said he took a deep breath in and out and was gone.  His last breath on earth was calling the name of His beloved Lord.

Every husband and wife, son and daughter, brother and sister, friend and neighbor - every one that we are praying for - they are continually breathing His name and are closer than they realize to their Maker.

Even as we sleep, we are "speaking" His name and our lips are praising Him.

I am in awe that God made us and planned us this way.  How awesome!

"Let everything that has breath praise the Lord."  Psalm 150:6

"My mouth will declare the praise of the Lord."  Psalm 145:21

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."  Psalm 139:14

Thinking of this has made me aware that He was closer than I even knew on our unexpected journey.  I've often said that He's only a whisper away - so incredibly true as we whisper His name with every breath.  I am so grateful!  All praise to YHWH!

Living Out My Calling

Something happened this past week that I must share with you.  I decided it was time to clean out old, expired medications.  I started going through my cupboards thinking it would be a quick, easy task.  I was wrong!  It took me quite a bit of time.

And I had no idea of the emotional impact that was coming.

As I went through various medications, I thought of what they were for.  Bottle after bottle, package after package reminded me of what I've been through in recent years in battling cancer.  With each medication I remembered the horrible condition I had battled.  It was actually a bit shocking when I realized the combined impact of what my body had gone through.  I could almost "feel" what I had previously experienced.

And then, something else - something very wonderful happened.  It hit me how wonderfully God had brought me through all that.....literally brought me back from the edge of death in a few instances.  Tears came and rejoicing filled my heart.  God has touched and healed me over and over again in recent years.  He has been with me and has saved my life.  I have been walking around with a smile on my face thinking of how grateful I am for His goodness and healing.  Wow!

When it happened in little increments it wasn't as noticeable.  But now, cleaning out all these medicines, it was HUGE.  I am so grateful!

I thought back to all the times we prayed for this and that and the other thing......and, at times, it felt like our prayers were bouncing off of heaven and not much was happening.  But now, looking back at all this, I could see a great abundance of answered prayers.  God had met me time and time again.  My heart was strengthened and was just full to overflowing with thankfulness.

I can remember many times when I thanked God in advance for answering prayers.  I'm going to keep doing that because now I can see so clearly how He answered so many prayers.  I'm thanking Him in advance for answering prayers I'm now lifting up to Him.

"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you."  John 15:7

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."  Mark 11:24

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God:  that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of Him."  1 John 5:14,15

"When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him."  Psalm 91:15 

As I searched for what the word says - I was overwhelmed with all God has spoken to us about "hearing" us and responding.  Not one single prayer goes unheard.  He is always listening.  We sometimes get caught up in the "timing" of answered prayer, and we miss it when He answers at a different time or in a different way.

God has been with me.  He has rescued me so many times.  My medicine cleaning out task showed me this so clearly.  Thank you Lord!!!

Two dear friends have asked me questions recently about "calling" - does it change over time?  Do I always feel called?  They're both facing some big issues, so the questions are very important and timely.

As I responded to them, I realized that I have always felt "called" - since I was a little girl of about 5 years of age kneeling by my bed in the middle of the night praying.  I woke my mother up and asked her to pray with me because I had a sense that what God was putting on my heart was important.  I didn't hear an audible voice, but I knew God was speaking to me and calling me - to love and serve Him with my whole heart and to be a missionary.  There weren't any specifics of how/when/where, but the sense of calling was profound.  It has remained with me all my life! 

Through all my 73 years, that calling has not changed at all - but the expression of it, the way it's been lived out, has changed......a number of times.  Just as there are seasons in nature through the year, I think there are seasons in our lives.  It's important to not be stuck in any one "season" because God may have some new things in store for us.  My sense of personal security has been in listening to His voice instructing me in terms of what I should be doing.

I've had a wonderful life of walking with Him, serving Him, and living out my calling.  But it has certainly involved a wide variety of expressions.  I've loved that!  I've felt Him guiding me through the years in terms of what He felt was best for me, season by season.  And there's never been a dull moment!  It has been a rich life of holding His hand and letting Him guide me.

Of course I've been married most of that time - since I was 18.  It was always fascinating to see how God spoke to both Floyd and me when there was some "tweaking" to the season we were in.  It was a sweet confirmation that we were walking in the calling God had for us as a couple.

Another thing that has given me security is knowing that when my heart is to love and serve the Lord, I don't have to be paranoid about making mistakes.  He'll help keep me on the course He has for me.  If I stray a bit, He gently helps me correct my course.  I've always had the sense that He trusts me as I trust Him.  It's been a sweet affirmation in my walk with Him. 

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength."  Deuteronomy 6:5

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith."  Hebrews 12:2

"Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it."  Psalm 37:5

"There are many plans in a man's heart, nevertheless the Lord's counsel - that will stand."  Proverbs 19:21

I've had lots of questions in the season I'm in now, but I've felt Him lovingly guiding me day by day as I walk a new path.  He is continuing to guide me in my calling that began so very many years ago!