The Life Blood of Gratitude

I shared last week that hope has been like a kind of oxygen that helped my heart to survive these last 10 difficult years.  In the midst of a difficult day recently, the Lord reminded me of another key thing that has gotten me through these things.  Gratitude and thankfulness have been life giving to my soul.

On the hardest day, in the darkest night, when feeling so alone that I could hardly catch my breath - the Lord has encouraged me to be thankful.  It might be for the smallest thing, but gratitude lifts despair and helps me keep things in perspective.  For a while I kept a daily list of things to be thankful for just so I could train my thoughts to think that way.  From small things like the ocean beauty I look at to big things like being alive......there is so much to be thankful for.

Hope is like the oxygen I breath, and gratitude is like the blood coursing through my veins.  Both are vital.  Both protect us from sinking in the stormy trials.  Both keep us focused on the Lord.  He is our lifeline!

"Give thanks in all circumstances."  1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."  Colossians 3:17

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good."  1 Chronicles 16:34

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts...and be thankful."  Colossians 3:15

"His praise shall continually be in my mouth."  Psalm 34:1

I have sat down several times to write this update today.  Each time I have been interrupted by something.  It's been a busy day - a couple things have been frustrating.  So, I started with being thankful - and then wrote the update.  Thankfulness puts everything in perspective.

The Oxygen of Hope

A very big key ingredient of my journey for the last 10 years has been hope.  I remember the day I was diagnosed with the big C word (cancer).  It was devastating!  Floyd and I sat in the car and cried together - and then we prayed.  We gave the burden of it to the Lord.   We asked for healing.   We asked for grace for the path ahead.  And we asked for hope to be planted in our hearts.  I believe it was - a kernel of hope was deposited deeply and securely in our hearts.

Through the ups and downs.  Through the good days and bad days.  In the day, and especially in the nights - hope was there.  It cried out to the Lord for healing relief and for strength to carry on. We breath oxygen to live.  Hope became a kind of oxygen that helped my heart survive.  

My oncologist says that hope is a key ingredient in her patients that make it through cancer treatment.  She said some of her patients just give up as soon as they hear the word cancer.  And others gear up for the battle and cling to hope in their hearts.  She says without hope, they don't make it. 

I picture that kernel of hope growing into a tree in my heart.  It's been fed by the Lord as its grown.  I continue to cling to it as my journey goes on.  I couldn't have made it without hope.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29:11

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him.  He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken."  Psalm 62:5,6

During this month as I've thanked the Lord that I'm still alive after 10 years of living with and battling cancer, I am so aware of the hope that God put in my heart all those years ago sitting in that car.  Thank you, Lord, for the oxygen of hope in my heart!   It's been a lifesaver.

I Have the Lord

I was watching a movie a couple days ago.  One of the characters said - "I can't concentrate on the 'what ifs.' I have to look at the 'what do I have.' "  I stopped and thought about that.  I've said similar things in past posts, but I pondered the truth of these words again.

It doesn't matter how many times I've had to choose not to look at the "what ifs."  There are always new situations when I have to make the choice again.  We face new challenges, new hardships, new things that we have no control over......and we can't get stuck in the "what ifs."  We'll drown in the sea of thinking "what if,"  "if only," or "why."

In each situation, stopping to think "what do I have" is a fruitful exercise......because we always have the Lord to help us!!!  It's not only what we may have physically, it's also what we have in knowing God is continually with us, holding our right hand, and guiding us.  I "have" the Lord - that's more than enough.  

So much of the battle in getting through a hard time is in the mind.  What we choose to think about will impact us in so many ways.  As we focus on what we "have" in the Lord, it strengthens us to get through the trial.  We "have" so much!

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."  2 Timothy 1:7

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."  Colossians 3:2

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."  Isaiah 26:3

"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life."  Proverbs 4:23

"A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."  Proverbs 17:22

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

I've been coming to the conclusion that it's a daily exercise to think about "what I have."  If I start each day that way, it lifts the burden from my heart of whatever I'm facing.  I "have" the Lord, and He will help me get through whatever I face.  He's always faithful to do that!

Mountain Tops and Valleys

I was looking at a magazine this week.  A well known author and filmmaker was talking about his success.  He said the big secret to success is that you have to persevere.  I immediately thought that the Christian life is just like that.  We have ups and downs, mountain tops and valleys, good times and hard times, sickness and health, times of plenty and times of need - and through it all we have to persevere!  We can't give up!  We have to keep going and lean into God to get us through whatever time or season we're in.

I think I've experienced all the "times" I listed above in recent years.  I could not have made it without God's grace and strength.  But over and over I had to commit my heart to persevere.  I think that was key to making it.  

It's important to differentiate between striving and persevering.  Striving is done in our own strength - persevering is trusting the Lord to come along beside us and help us make it through.  His grace truly is sufficient when we need it in the tough times.

When it's hard, and I feel like I'm not quite measuring up - perhaps even feeling like I'm a failure - it's important to bring those feelings to the Lord.  He is there to show me the way - to correct me if needed - to encourage me - and to affirm me of His love and care for me in the hard situation.  I couldn't have made it without His loving help.

"Deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love."  Psalm 6:4

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  Proverbs 3:5

"What shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?"  Romans 8:31

"Thanks be to God!  He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."  1 Corinthians 15:57

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."  Psalm 62:8

Someone said to me recently that they were surprised at all the difficult things they were facing.  Things had been good for so long that they never anticipated the hardships that suddenly seemed to engulf them.  Perhaps we can all relate to that in some way.  The "hard things" often surprise us.  But God is with us.  As we choose to persevere, He'll help us in every way that we need.  He's so faithful!

An Undeserved Miracle

Last week I posted about my two special days recently - the "anniversary" of Floyd's passing and our wedding anniversary.  Both days were special.  One was tender and one was sweet.  On both days I sensed the Lord's comfort and presence in a precious way.

Now - the month of June is special to me!  Ten years ago this month I was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  It's been a rough journey - 8 surgeries, 4 types of chemo treatment, radiation therapy, various physical therapies, and multiple homeopathic/natural treatments/supplements (and all while making sure Floyd was well cared for during his 5+ years in the hospital).  I constantly research different treatments.  I've found several things very helpful - especially in treating symptoms - and have shared with my doctors things that they have been able to recommend to other patients.

My first oncologist had a somewhat negative viewpoint.  She "only believed in medicine" and wasn't open to any supplementary treatments.  She said in her experience some patients survived a few months, some a year/maybe two, and the longest one survived 5 years.  I felt like she had already given up on me.  I was praying and doing my best to survive - especially so that I could care for Floyd.  I finally realized I needed to find another oncologist.

The doctor I've been with now for about 7 years is wonderful!  She is "open" to anything that I find helpful.  She is supportive, she listens, she's available to me anytime, and she's very kind.  She says she thinks the most important things are for her cancer patients to have hope - and to be involved in their own care.....so my researching and finding things that have helped me is, in her mind, very important!!  I love her attitude.  She calls me a "miracle" with having survived so many years.  I agree with her - it's only by God's grace that I'm still alive.  I'm so grateful.

I realize that every day is a precious gift from the Lord.  I celebrate each day - and have no idea how many more I'll have......I hope it's a lot!  I have things I still want to do.

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!"  Psalm 27:13

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows those who take refuge in Him."  Nahum 1:7

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life."  Psalm 23:6

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him."  Romans 8:28

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

I share that verse from Jeremiah often because it means so much to me.  The truth of it is powerful.  Even when we don't fully understand - His plans for us are good.....they give hope and a future.

These are just a very few of the verses that have meant a lot to me on this ten year journey.  The Word is full of God's promises, comfort, love, and care for us.

As I walk through this 10 year anniversary month, I find myself spontaneously thanking the Lord for His goodness to me!  I don't deserve this "miracle," but I'm very grateful. 

God Has Been With Us

Sunday was a special day for me - it was a sweet day.  57 years ago, Floyd and I said our "I do" to each other.  I don't think either of us could have imagined what the future had in store for us.  We've had a life of adventure - good times and hard times - ups and downs - victories and defeats.  We've been together in sickness and in health as we pledged......both richer and poorer.  

Those vows we say to each other are important - and they're tested!  I promised to go where Floyd went.....and I did!  To traveling and living out of a suitcase for 4+ years.  To Afghanistan.  To living on a houseboat, while pregnant, with a toddler and a puppy.  To living in the red light district.  To moving - lots and lots and lots of moving.

The one constant thing through it all is that God has been with us......faithfully, always, abundantly - with us!  Day by day.  Night by night.  Never leaving us.  Whatever we were going through, we knew He'd help us.

Last week as the "anniversary" of Floyd's passing came, someone sent me the photo above.  My friend pointed out that in the photo (taken at an All Nations gathering in Taiwan) everyone was looking out to the ocean - except Floyd.....who was turned to me.  I always knew I was loved and cherished by Floyd.  That was so special to be reminded of that.

"The steps of the God-pursuing ones follow firmly in the footsteps of the Lord, and God delights in every step they take to follow Him.  If they stumble badly they will still survive, for the Lord lifts them up with His hands.  I was once young, but now I'm old.  Not once have I found a lover of God forsaken by Him, not have any of their children gone hungry.  Instead, I've found the Godly ones to be generous ones who give freely to others.  Their children are blessed and become a blessing."  Psalm 37:23-26  TPT

These special days mean so much to me.  It's a good opportunity to reflect and remember - and thank the Lord for His faithfulness.   I have so much to be thankful for.

Now What?

After sharing in my last post about not dwelling on the "whys" when something happens in our life - a friend wrote me about something special she heard in a speech recently.  Instead of saying "why?/or why me?" - say "now what?"  I love that!  Because God always has a new plan in store for us when something doesn't go the way we planned.

When plans change, when someone passes away, when we get sick, when any trial comes our way - God doesn't scratch His head and wonder what to do now.  No!!  He has a new plan ready - a good plan, often a better plan.  He's ready to move on in continuing to see His plans and purposes fulfilled.  Many times it's in a better plan than the original one.

I've watched this happen in various ways in our lives - and in the lives of others.  It gives me such comfort to know that God is watching over us, and always has a wonderful plan for us - come what may!  He never leaves us to try and figure it out alone.  He's with us.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"The plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations."  Psalm 33:11

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5,6

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28

In everything I've walked through, I have clung to the promise that God would give me "hope and a future."  He has proved faithful!

Trust in God

Tomorrow (May 29th) is a special day in a couple ways.  Firstly, it's a tender day for me as it marks 3 years since Floyd went to be with Jesus.  The time has flown by - it doesn't seem that long.  In some ways, it just feels like a few weeks ago.  And, on the other hand, it feels like it was ages ago.  Time is a strange thing.

The second thing is that it's our national elections here in South Africa.  I'm a permanent resident, but not a natural born South African - so I'm not allowed to vote.  But I sure am praying!!  There are a lot of things at stake in the elections.  Some are saying it's the most important election since 1994 when apartheid came to an end.  Please pray that God's sovereign hand will be on these elections.

There are a number of countries facing big elections this year - the US and UK among them.  It feels like so much is happening.  I've been thinking that in times of change, in times of unsettledness, and in any time of trial - trust in God's rule overall is such an important foundation.  Trust has been a key element for everything in my life in the past decade!  If I don't have my trust firmly and securely in the Lord then other things can feel so vulnerable.

Asking questions of why/why not - or what if - can undermine that trust.  Honestly, I have lots of questions about things in my life, in our family, and in our ministry.  But dwelling on those questions won't do any good.  I don't think I'll have answers until I stand before the Lord in heaven - and my questions probably won't even matter then.  But I'll have eternity - so maybe I'll get a chance to chat with God about it all!  But, for now, I just need to keep my trust in the Lord firm and secure.  He is absolutely trustworthy.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."  Proverbs 3:5

"Those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you."  Psalm 9:10

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."  Isaiah 26:3

"Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe."  Proverbs 29:25

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God."  Psalm 20:7

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me.  My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise Him."  Psalm 28:7

When my trust is firm and secure in the Lord - everything else falls into place.....even if I have questions about it all.  Trust keeps my heart at peace, and allows me to receive all I need from the Lord to make it through whatever I'm facing.

I completely trust my wonderful, faithful Father!

Friendship

I've been thinking a lot the last few days about friendship.  I had a long visit with a friend just "catching up."  We covered the world in our chat!  It was so good to talk together.

I also celebrated the birthday of a dear friend - someone I've known for close to 40 years.  That makes us both sound old. :)  But what a gift the friend has been through all those years.

And I've thought of friends all over the world - long time friends, new friends, close friends, and friends I'm just getting to know.  Each friend is a sweet, precious gift to me.  

I also have a lot of "prayer friends."  So many have prayed for me and for our family these last years as we went through some really difficult times.  I don't know each one of them personally, but I'm very grateful to them - and I don't think I'd have made it without their loving, faithful prayers!  Each one is definitely a gift to me!

I spoke once on the "Gift of People."  We are truly a gift to each other from the Lord!  God puts us in each other's lives to support and strengthen each other.  I am so grateful for each friend, known and unknown, in my life - for the love, prayers, encouragement, support......every one of them is such a beautiful gift to me!!

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."  Proverbs 17:17

"There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."  Proverbs 18:24

"The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense."  Proverbs 27:9

"Encourage one another and build each other up."  1 Thessalonians 5:11

"If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.  But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up."  Ecclesiastes 4:10

There are so many beautiful verses about friendship.  We are created to love and help one another.  Take a moment to think of the friends God has given you.  And thank Him!  

And over and above it all - I'm so grateful for the precious friendship of the Lord!!  He is my everything.

Be on Guard

I've been pondering over the stressful season I've just walked through in order to glean all the lessons God has for me in it.  Something that I know of from the past has "jumped" out at me again in such clarity.  I want to share it.

When we go through a stressful time - physically, emotionally, or spiritually.....or all three - there is a period of time when we are "low."  During this time we are vulnerable.  The enemy loves to exploit that low time.  He may whisper lies in our ears.  He may put pressure in various areas of our lives to make the season harder.  He will do just about anything he can to pull us down and draw us away from our wonderful Father.  We have to be on guard!

When I was so weary, I knew I needed to have my "shield of faith" up for protection from the wily ways of the enemy - and yet my heart felt heavy with discouragement just from being so tired.  I had to spiritually battle against the enemy.  God heard my cries - protected me - and the heaviness lifted.  If we're not on guard, the enemy can have a heyday.

I was reminded of Elijah.  He had witnessed amazing answers to prayer.  He stopped the rain for years before starting it once again.  He multiplied the widow's small supply of food and raised her son from the dead.  He called down fire from heaven, and slayed the false prophets of Baal.  I would say those were some pretty amazing answers to prayer!!!  

And yet, when Jezebel threatened him - he became so depressed and discouraged that he wanted to die.  At the height of all those victories, the enemy used Jezebel to speak lies to Elijah.  All I did was organize a bunch of house repairs - but I was so weary from it all that I knew I was vulnerable.  I remembered Elijah and the lessons from his situation.  I chose to focus on listening to God's gentle whisper and still small voice!  It was there.

During the years of Floyd's illness and my ongoing cancer battle, I daily asked the Lord to protect me - in fact, I usually asked him many times each day.  Whatever stressful time we're in, we need to keep our eyes on the Lord and our ears tuned to His words.  We need to stand against the voice of the enemy.  I'm so grateful the Lord helped me learn this lesson again.

A favorite verse of mine is Philippians 4:8:  "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

When we think about all the good things - it puts everything else into perspective!  There is power in what we set our minds to focus on.

"Why, my soul, are you downcast?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God."  Psalm 42:5

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord."  Psalm 31:24

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

"God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear."  1 Corinthians 10:13

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

There are soooo many verses of promise that God will be with us when we go through stressful seasons.  We just  need to stay close to Him.  He will carry us through.

Hope for Each New Day

During the last four weeks I have been dealing with urgent house repairs.  One repair exposed another that needed work, and another, and another.  It ended up being very intense and stressful for me.  I constantly needed to answer questions and make sure things were being done the right way.  I pushed my way through it, and was exhausted by the time it was all done.  

There are many times that I miss Floyd, and this was certainly one of them.  Every day I pressed into the Lord and asked for His help, grace, wisdom, and strength.  He met me!  I'm still thanking Him for getting me through everything.

After those intense, stressful weeks a friend sent me a verse that is familiar to me and such an awesome promise, "As your days, so shall your strength be."  Deuteronomy 33:25  What a wonderful promise to hang onto in difficult times.  God knows what each day holds for us - and He'll give us enough strength for that day.  Thank you Lord!

As I thought about this verse I realised that in the midst of the difficult days, there was a constant under lying peace and even joy.  I think I didn't even realize it so much at the time, but in looking back it's so clear.  At the end of each day I was so tired I could hardly eat dinner and then go right to bed.  But my heart was at peace - and there was joy in the process because of God's presence with me.  I am sure that is a big part of what carried me through.

The best way to find that joy is to thank the Lord all through the day as He helps me.  With each decision - thank Him for giving me wisdom.  With each new problem - thank Him in advance for helping me.

Yesterday morning I woke up to 3 problems.  It was overwhelming and discouraging.  I wasn't sure how to deal with them......so I started talking to the Lord.  I thanked Him for answers in advance.  I spoke out my trust in His faithfulness.  I asked Him to guide me.  And before the end of the day - all 3 problems were solved.  It's not empty words when I say I can't make it on my own.  It's the truth of what I'm facing in my life and God is so good to me.

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  Psalm 143:8

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure."  Proverbs 16:9

"A man's steps are directed by the Lord.  How then can anyone understand his own way?"  Proverbs 20:24

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

Knowing He goes before me, I can sleep in peace and awaken with hope for each new day.  How good the Lord is.

Life is Like a Coin

Something happened this week that required me to respond in a right way.  It reminded me of something I heard years ago.  Our Christian life and walk with the Lord is similar to a coin.  One side is what we think and believe.  The other side is how we live out those beliefs - how we apply them to daily life.  How we live reveals what we truly believe.  God helped me respond rightly!!

"You teach others, why don't you teach yourself?  You tell others not to steal, but do you steal?"  Romans 2:21

"Be doers of the word, and not hearers only."  James 1:22

"Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."  1 John 3:18

I've been so keenly aware this week of God's grace, strength, and help.  I couldn't make it on my own.  I'm so grateful for His care and faithfulness!

Peace Be with You

I hope you had a nice Easter weekend.  I had such a sweet presence of the Lord with me on Good Friday, Holy Saturday, and Resurrection Sunday.  I wasn't feeling well, so it forced me to slow down.  I took that as an opportunity to reflect on each of these special days - reading through the verses of what had taken place on each day.

It struck me that the first words Jesus spoke to His disciples after His resurrection were "Peace be with you!"  He knew the turmoil in their hearts, and He spoke these healing words to calm and reassure them.  Simple, but so very profound.

I was carrying some heavy things on my heart.  As I read the passage of how Jesus spoke to His disciples, I sensed Him saying the same thing to me - "Peace be with you!"  He knew I needed that comfort and assurance.

I wrote recently about the peace that has carried me through all the tumultuous years.  I couldn't have made it without that peace.  And here, once again, God ministered His sweet peace to my heart.  He knew I needed a fresh measure of it - physically, emotionally, spiritually.  His precious peace - what a gift!

"On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, 'Peace be with you!' "  John 20:19

A Good Day and a Sad Day

Good Friday.  I've always had mixed feelings about the name for this special day.  It is truly good because of what Jesus did for us on His crucifixion day.  His sacrifice to pay for our sins is incomprehensible!  I'm humbled every time I think of what He went through for us.

But it's also Sad Friday because of what Jesus went through!  It's sad that we had sinned and needed His redemptive act.  It's incredibly sad because of how Jesus was treated.  Pilate let the horrible criminal Barabbas free, and crucified the Son of God.  It's sad because of the mockery, suffering, and cruelty that Jesus experienced.

Good and Sad - such contradictions, and yet it's why this is such a special, holy day.  I'm grateful for all Jesus went through for me and for you.

"But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed."  Isaiah 53:5

"This was to fulfill what was spoken by the prophet Isaiah: 'He took our illnesses and bore our diseases.' "  Matthew 8:17

Those verses have one of my favorite phrases from Good Friday.  "By His stripes we are healed."  I think it applies to both spiritual and physical healing.  I often speak it out in prayer when asking God for healing.

Today I'm so grateful for all Jesus has done for me - spiritual and physical healing.  It is both a Good day and a Sad Day......and I know resurrection is coming!!  My heart is overflowing with love for my Savior.

The above photo was taken by local priest John Abbink.  I asked his permission to share it.  The cross is on the mountain above where I live.  One of Floyd's favorite walks was to walk up to the cross.  Some years ago when our family was here, we spent time praying there at the cross for our family and our future - not knowing all that was to come.  This photo seems so appropriate this Easter weekend.  It's a visual reminder of God's glory and His mercy in one photo.

Peace Like a River

In the recent tumultuous years - the constant up and down - the roller coaster - the massive traumas...there is one thing that has been constant.  Peace!  It sounds incongruous.  Peace in the midst of all the turmoil???  How could it be?

I'm not saying there won't be pressure or stress.  But underneath it all - or perhaps covering over it all - is a peace.  Peace that can only come from the Lord!  It's His gift to us in letting us know He's with us, He's in control even if everything seems out of control.  Peace is His "amen" on the situation.

In the midst of difficult situations, if I would sit quietly and take a deep breath - I could always sense His peace with me.  I was never alone.  He was always by my side.  He was continually guiding me, strengthening me, supporting me, helping me.  I had only to sit in a quiet moment and let His peace wash over me.  "Peace like a river that floodeth my soul."

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."  John 14:27

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  Romans 15:13

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts." Colossians 3:15

"The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace."  Psalm 29:11

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."  Isaiah 26:3

This verse points out that there are a couple "keys" for us in having peace.  We continually trust the Lord in the difficult situation, and we keep our thoughts on Him - His goodness, His power, His love and care for us.

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:7

I am so grateful for the peace that only God can give.  I could have never made it through all these years without the precious peace that only God can give.  He knew I would need it, and He poured it out into my heart.  He is so good!

Step by Step

I'm often asked how I've made it through these last years - battling cancer and Floyd's illness (plus a few other things) all at once.  The simple answer is "step by step."  Often times not even a day-at-a-time - but an hour or two at a time!

There's a temptation to look at the "bigness" of everything, but I quickly learned I couldn't do that.  I could only handle a little bit at a time.  I continually called on the Lord for grace, strength, wisdom, and help.  I had to do and decide about things that I had no idea how to handle.  I had to make so many decisions.  To be honest, it was often really overwhelming.

From day 1 when Floyd was admitted to ICU - and through the next 5+ years, I called on the Lord so much that I thought He might get tired of me.  I was so out of my depth in decision after decision that I had to make.  I consulted family, friends, and our lawyer - but mostly I cried out to the Lord.  He was always faithful to help and guide me.  Many times I felt His presence with me and His whispers in my ear of what to do.

It was truly one-step-at-a-time!  I learned that when going through a hard time - don't fight it, don't deny it, don't give up - just lean into the Lord for His always faithful help.

"Be strong...for I am with you."  Haggai 2:4

"From the end of the earth (Cape Town) will I cry unto You, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the Rock that is higher than I."  Psalm 61:2

"You will keep him (her) in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he (she) trusts in You."  Isaiah 26:3

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."  Philippians 4:6

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."  Psalm 46:1

"When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul."  Psalm 94:19

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe."  Proverbs 18:10

I would sometimes picture myself running into that "strong tower."  I would quote verses of promise like the ones above.  I would sing songs declaring God's greatness.  And I would wait on Him for answers to everything I needed to know.

I remember one day walking out of ICU crying because of the "advice" a doctor had just given me.  Everything about it seemed wrong.  I told the Lord I needed His help.  As I walked into the hallway, there were some friends from another country who had come to see Floyd.  They were "angels" God had sent to me.  They hugged me, prayed for me, and helped me get perspective.  It was so timely.

I learned to never make quick decisions if I wasn't feeling at peace.  Sometimes I excused myself to go to the bathroom where I would pray and ask God for help.  We can't give in to pressure if our heart isn't at peace!!  I'll share more about that next time.

God never, ever failed me.  He was with me each step of the way.  He helped and guided me all through those years.  I am so grateful!

Waiting is Hard

When I've been writing about persevering - I'm reminded that one of the big things about persevering is "waiting."  And waiting, and waiting.  Oh my - waiting can be so hard.  We pray, we expect answers, and often times all we get is waiting.  Persevering involves lots of waiting.  And sometimes (maybe even often times) that waiting goes on for a long time.  There are so many things I've waited for.  I think that's why it was so exciting to me to see some answers to prayer!!

Waiting is not a word we like to hear.  We live in a world of "instant" everything!!  Food, communication, service, shopping - you name it, it's instant.  Waiting is not a popular word.

The Bible is full of waiting:  

- Sarah waited 90 years for a child - even with the promise that she would be the "mother of nations."  

- The children of Israel waiting 40 years in the desert before they entered the Promise Land.  

- Jacob labored and waited 7 years for Rachel - only to be tricked and get her elder sister Leah for his bride.  

- The paralytic waited 38 years by the pool of Bethesda for healing.  

- Joseph waited for 13+ years in prison before becoming Pharaoh's number 2 man - which set him up for reuniting with his brothers.  It was almost 22 years before he saw the fulfillment of the dream God had given him as a young boy.

- It was about 15 years after David was anointed to be king by Samuel before it actually happened.

Hannah waiting for a child.  Ruth waiting with her mother-in-law.  Moses in the desert before being called to lead the Israelites.  Job suffering greatly until God restored his fortunes.  The list goes on and on!  Jesus himself waited 30 years before beginning his earthly ministry.  Waiting actually seems like part of God's plan for many of His people.  And the waiting always paid off!!

When I've prayed, and persevered, and waited - I have to remind myself that God's answers to prayer and the fulfillment of His purposes are often not instant.  He uses the waiting to teach us and refine us.  It's not a wasted time.  We can trust and even rejoice in the waiting.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"  Psalm 27:14

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry."  Psalm 40:1  I love this verse because it reminds me that God hears my cries!!

"The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him."  Lamentations 3:25

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning."  Psalm 130:5,6

"Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you.  For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are those who wait for Him."  Isaiah 30:18

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope."  Psalm 130:5

"But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

So very many verses about waiting.  I think the Lord knew how hard waiting would be for us, so He put verse after verse about it to encourage us.  On the other side of waiting there are miracles, answers to prayer, fulfillment of promises - but we have to wait!

Choose to Persevere

When going through hard times, we've trusted the Lord and we've built our faith by "remembering when" He's done great things in the past.  But sometimes we simply have to choose to persevere and keep going.  It's not always easy.

I've faced times when I wanted to run away and hide somewhere.  I've wished I could just scream and scream.  The Bible tells us that the Lord won't give us more than we can handle - but I've wanted to argue with the Lord and tell Him He was wrong - it was getting to be too much to handle.

But, in the end, when my emotions and my heart have settled - I'm been able to speak out trust afresh to the Lord!  And I knew He understood the process I went through to get there.  He hasn't promised that everything would be easy.  He hasn't promised perfect health.  He hasn't promised that we'd be rich, or famous, or successful.  But He has promised a lot of other things.

It's good to remember some of those promises:

- He said He'd never leave us.  Matt. 28:20

- He said His love never ceases and His mercies are new every morning.  Lamentations 3:22, 23

- He said that His joy is my strength.  Nehemiah 8:10

- He said He won't give us more than we can handle.  1 Corinthians 10:13

- He said His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in my weakness - I don't have to be strong.  2 Corinthians 12:9

- He said He's working in things to bring good.  Romans 8:28

- He promises rest for the weary.  Matthew 11:28

- He said He'd give us peace.  Isaiah 26:3

- He said He'd instruct us.  Psalm 32:8

- He promised to fight for us.  Exodus 14:14

There's so many more.  The list is endless of how God promises to meet and help us when we choose to persevere.  He won't make us persevere - we have to commit our hearts to that.  But, when we do, He'll help us in countless ways.

"Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  James 1:4

"We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame."  Romans 5:3-5

"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him."  James 1:12

Persevering in the midst of trials and suffering is usually hard.  But it's so worth it!  And God is with us each step along the way.

Remember When

I shared last week about trusting the Lord when we're going through trials and suffering.  I'm aware that it's not always easy - especially when we don't understand or when we have questions.  One of the things that helps me is to "remember when."  I speak out - or make a list of - times when God met me and our family in times of difficulty.  It only takes remembering a few of them to feel faith and hope arise with new vigor in our hearts!

-  Remember when God healed me of rheumatic fever when I was a teenager?

-  Remember when I was going on my first YWAM Summer of Service as a 16 year old and didn't have all my funds?  You provided, Lord, 6 hours before the plane took off!

-  Remember when we were leading the Dilaram House ministry to hippies in Afghanistan, trusting you day by day for the finances we needed?  We served dinner one night with no funds to buy breakfast the next morning.  One of our guests left a cash gift under their plate that I found while clearing the table.  I joyfully told Floyd we could serve breakfast the next day.  You always provided.

-  Remember when we moved to the Ark ministry in Amsterdam (the 2 houseboats in the harbor behind the Central Station) and I was so sick with the pregnancy of our son?  I didn't think I could make it there - taking care of our toddler and everything involved with the ministry while being so sick.  I cried out to you, and the next day the morning sickness was gone.

-  Remember all the death threats Floyd got while we lived in the red light district in Amsterdam ministering to the prostitutes and drug addicts?  You protected him and he was never harmed.

-  Remember when you healed our daughter after being deathly ill for 6 1/2 years?  The doctors didn't give much hope, but You, Lord, answered prayer.

-  Remember when we arrived in South Africa with no team, very little money, and only a dream and vision for what you wanted to do on this continent?  God has done so much in the years since then.

-  Remember our tears when I was diagnosed with cancer?  The doctor thought at best I'd live 2 years.  You have touched me time and time again, and I'm alive over 9 years later to give you praise today for your goodness. 

-  I also remember when Floyd got sick.  He wasn't healed.  He was in the hospital for over 5 years.  BUT - time and time and time again - God answered prayers on his/our behalf.  I knew every single day that God was with us and helping us.  I vividly remember how God carried him, me, and our family through those years.

I could go on and on and on!  There are so many "remember whens" of God meeting us in the midst of trials and suffering.  He has been so faithful!  Whatever I'm facing today, or tomorrow, or in the years to come - He is able to meet me and help me!

The book of Psalms is filled with recalling all the great things God had done for His people.  It's a wonderful example for us of "remember when."  He created the heavens and the earth.  He brought them out of slavery.  He protected them in the desert for 40 years.  "His love endures forever!"  Psalm 136

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.  My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth."  Psalm 139:14, 15

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills - from whence comes my help?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."  Psalm 121:1, 2

"He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them."  Psalm 145:19

"How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 36:7

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song."  Psalm 28:7

U.S. President John F. Kennedy once said - "We celebrate the past to awaken the future."  We celebrate all the ways God has helped us, all the "remember whens," so that we can with faith trust Him for the new things we face - knowing that He will meet us again and again.

He Hovers Over Us

When we go through hard things, we have a choice of how to respond.

-  We can ask God questions, sometimes even in a demanding way.  In our pain, we may bombard heaven with "why" questions.  But God isn't obligated to answer our questions.  Sometimes He does, but often He doesn't.  He's God!  Our place is to trust and simply ask for His help to make it through the difficulties.

-  We can get upset and angry - which will eat away at our heart and open the door to bitterness.  This choice, this path, will destroy us.  I watched it happen to a family member and it broke my heart.

-  We can become discouraged by the difficult things that have come our way.  God understands our sorrow, our pain - but if we settle and stay in the place of discouragement, it robs us of the joy of the Lord that is our strength.

I have become convinced that God uses the trials, suffering, and pain to build our character and grow our faith.  He takes what is so difficult and hard, and redeems it by building strength and resilience into our lives.  He turns the negative things into good and beauty by drawing us unto Himself and making us more like Him.

We have to remember in the midst of the difficulties that the One that matters most to us, the One that we love will never let go of us in the hard times.  In the stormy times of trials and sufferings we need to be on guard by trusting that God will definitely never let go of us.  In His great love for us, He'll heal the pain, bring peace to the fear, destroy the seeds of doubt, and fill our hearts with hope.  Hope, then, keeps us going.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

And I add my words to that verse - they shall make it through the hardest, darkest trials by trusting in the Lord.

"Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."  Hebrews 11:l

"He fills the needs of those who fear Him.  He hears their cries for help and saves them."  Psalm 145:19

"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart."  Psalm 34:18

"Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, that hovers over its young, He spread His wings and caught them, He carried them on His pinions."  Deuteronomy 32:11

We can't see Him - but He is "hovering" over us as we walk through trials and suffering.  He is carrying us through the hard times.

The previous years have had lots of trials, some deep suffering, and some difficult pain.  But I can give testimony to the fact that God has never left me.  He has been faithfully by my side through each thing I've faced.  He has carried me.  He has strengthened my faith, and built into my character.  He has used the hard times for good in countless ways.  He is faithful - abundantly so!