Free!

Today marks 5 years since my gentle giant went to be with the Jesus he loved so passionately.  I miss him every day.  Sometimes it still seems unbelievable that he's gone.

A friend who also lost her husband sent me this poem

While we miss him here, I hadn't given too much thought to how wonderful it is for him - in the presence of Jesus with his body renewed and with loved ones who have gone before.  Yes, there were things left undone.  He had more books he wanted to write.  He had more things he wanted to see accomplished.  He wanted more time with his two dear grandkids - we had a plan for that to happen.  We planned to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary - we had been saving for it.  But God called him HOME.

It made me think of Lazarus.  Everyone rejoiced when Jesus raised him from the dead - but it must have been hard for Lazarus to return!  He had been worshipping with the angels, and had to return to earth.  Kind of a bummer for him.

Floyd had suffered greatly for 5 years, 3 months, and 6 days - very hard suffering.  It broke my heart to see him suffering.  I was relieved for him when he passed on to heaven, and I'm happy for him to no longer be suffering.  He was indeed set FREE!  But I miss him.  It helps to think of it from his perspective as it says in the poem!  I celebrate his freedom.

I honor him today for the wonderful man he was, the wonderful friend, the wonderful husband, the wonderful father and grandfather, the wonderful brother to his siblings, the wonderful leader he was in All Nations.  He's missed, but I'm grateful for the 75 years we had with him.

Soaking Grace

In the last 10-12 years I have faced so many things that I couldn't have endured without His "sufficient grace."  In times of feeling overwhelmed - in times of weakness - in times of needing wisdom - in times of feeling alone - in times of financial need - in times of feeling under attack - time and time and time again I have called on God's grace that is sufficient for every need.

I have often felt I couldn't go another minute (much less an hour or a day) without additional grace.  In times like this I find a quiet place to be alone with the Lord.  I talk to Him and sit in His presence until I feel strengthened and ready to face whatever it is that is so difficult.  I wait for what I call His "soaking grace."  I can almost feel it wash over me as I sit with Him.  I feel saturated afresh as I receive fresh, additional grace.  

During the 6 weeks Floyd was in ICU, there was a small chapel down the hall.  I would sometimes go sit there and talk to the Lord.  In the following years, he was always in a private room.  I would sit by his bed and pray - talking to the Lord and asking for fresh grace for both Floyd and me.  During the times when I've been in the hospital, I would pray quietly in bed.  At home, I have a spot where I like to sit and pray - or if the weather is good I sometimes sit outside and enjoy the beauty of His creation while I call out for fresh grace.

In whatever place, at whatever time of day, with whatever need I'm facing - God has been abundantly faithful to "soak" me with His sufficient grace. I couldn't have made it otherwise.  And the well of His grace never runs dry.  It's continually filled to the brim to flow over us!

"The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."  Lamentations 3:25,26

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  2 Corinthians 12:9

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:13-14

"How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  Psalm 36:7

As a child I would sometimes play with the kids in the neighborhood in the rain.  We would get drenched, soaking wet!  It's a visual I sometimes call to mind when I'm asking God for His "soaking grace" to wash over me.  He's always so faithful!

The Privilege of Prayer

Through the last 12 years of cancer and Floyd's illness, I have been grateful more than ever for the power of prayer.  Whatever I was facing, I could sit and talk to the Lord in prayer.  When things were overwhelming, I found relief and fresh perspective as I prayed.  When disappointment or discouragement was washing over my heart, I found new hope and saw how God was at work as I prayed.  When I had no idea what to do when facing difficult situations, God showed me the way forward as I prayed.  Prayer was truly my life-line time and time again.

I read about a study a neuro scientist named Andrew Newberg did on the brain as people prayed.  He discovered that the brains of people who prayed regularly looked different from those who didn't pray.  They had lower stress hormones, reduced fear, and less anxiety as a result of prayer.  He wanted to prove that prayer was "just in the mind," but he proved instead that prayer changed the mind in a way of healing and rebuilding.

His work showed that prayer doesn't just change how people feel, it can actually change how the brain functions.  "What you repeatedly do, think, and focus on is quietly shaping your brain every day."  How wonderful to think of what prayer is doing to our brains!!

I'm not a scientist - but I knew those things from the impact of prayer in my life!  I am so, so grateful for prayer!

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior: my God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

"The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."  James 5:16  KJB

Someone reminded me of an old song - What a Friend we Have in Jesus.  I sang that song so many times growing up in church.  One of the lines says "what a 'privilege' we have to carry everything to God in prayer"  I'm so grateful for that privilege!!

Firmly Anchored

I hope you had a nice Easter weekend.  I had some sweet talks with the Lord over those 4 days of rest.  I'm so grateful for all He's done for me - and for His goodness and faithfulness.  I thought back over all the years I've had cancer.  I'm not in "remission" because I still have a cancerous tumor that's inoperable, but in a sense.....I'm healed.  That may sound strange, but I couldn't have made it all these years (12 years in June) without His healing touch.  I'm so grateful.  To go from the 8 1/2 pound tumor I had in the beginning to the small one I still have - it's amazing!

I've started a new medication to help with some of the cancer impact on my body.  It's gotten me thinking a lot about cancer.  I came across the following list and wanted to share it.  It is attributed to Phyllis Ten Elshof and/or Sarah Hupp in their books on courageous cancer stories.

What cancer cannot do - cancer is so limited:

-  It cannot cripple Love.

-  It cannot shatter Hope.

-  It cannot dissolve Faith.

-  It cannot destroy Peace.

-  It cannot kill Friendship.

-  It cannot suppress Memories.

-  It cannot silence Courage.

-  It cannot invade the Soul.

-  It cannot steal Eternal Life.

-  It cannot conquer the Spirit.

Cancer is awful - and, yes, it can be strong.  But as we walk through it with the Lord, it's power is limited in the important things.  Our faith, hope, love, peace, soul, and courage is firmly anchored in the Lord's hands.  It's our place of security!

"In Him we live and move and have our being.  As some of your own poets have said, 'we are His offspring.' "  Acts 17:28

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you."  Isaiah 43:2 NASB

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  John 14:27

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:13-14

The Lord has been my Rock on my cancer journey.  He has held my hand and comforted me in hard moments.  He is so good and true and trustworthy!  I love Him.

Open the Windows of Heaven

I have lots of people coming and going from my home.  Sometimes it feels like grand central station!  But, in spite of the busyness, I find myself carrying on a running conversation with the Lord all day long.  Every once in a while, my son asks who I'm talking to. :)

One of the things I find myself doing is thanking the Lord for things throughout the day.....all kinds of things.  I read recently that thankfulness "opens the windows of heaven through which spiritual blessings fall freely."  I love that.  It's a wonderful visual - I wish I could paint it.  Some years ago I took some art classes, but I wasn't very good.  I'm hoping to do some painting in heaven!  In the meantime, I'm grateful for those spiritual blessings that fall into my daily life.  I'd be lost without them!

The Bible talks a lot about thankfulness and gratitude.  I think it's a spiritual weapon that God has given us.  It protects us - and it keeps the enemy at bay.  The enemy can't break through the wall of thankfulness around us.  When I'm having a hard day - when I'm feeling discouraged - when I'm in pain or discomfort - when things seem overwhelming.....I've learned that the most important thing I can do is to lift up praises to the Lord.  The worship and praise is more powerful than anything happening in my day!  In fact, I think the Lord loves our praise during difficult things even more.  It's a "sacrifice of praise" that we offer to Him.

If I'm struggling in my thoughts because of difficulties I'm facing, I've found it's even more important to talk to the Lord and worship Him.  He can help me glean perspective and sort out my thoughts.  I've tried to thank the Lord for suffering - sometimes I manage, and sometimes I have to call upon His help.  I think I find it hardest when I don't understand.  That's when I have to trust His goodness and faithfulness, and ask His help to praise Him in the midst of the difficulty.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ."  Ephesians 1:3

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."  James 1:17

"He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."  Psalm 40:3

"Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  Proverbs 3:5

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds."  2 Corinthians 10:3,4

Gratefulness, thankfulness, is a muscle that needs to be exercised.  It might help to make daily lists of things to be thankful for.  It also might help to share some of those with others.  Let's work to strengthen that muscle!

Always Toward the SONshine

This past Sunday was a special day in the annual calendar for the first Sunday in March.  It was the Cape Town Cycle Tour - 30,000 cyclists from all over the world converged on Cape Town for the 109 km ride around the Cape peninsula.  It's a beautiful, but challenging race......there's some very steep hills!

Four of our All Nations guys did the race - with a special addition.  They had with them a young man from the local community who is disabled.  He had his own special riding device with handles on the side that the guys could pull him along.  Someone who could have never done the race on his own was enabled to participate in this event with their help.  It actually brought tears to my eyes as I watched on the livestream.  The photo below this post is of them at race's end with their medals.

They had signs on the side about the ministry they do called "Children of Promise."  They work in a local community - and once a year take about 100 kids to camp.  It's the highlight of the year for the kids.

And isn't that a visual of our lives - we all need someone to help us along, pull us along at certain times.  We can never make it alone.  I know I could never have made it alone through all these hard years.  When I wrote about it being 10 years from the day Floyd got sick - I received so many encouraging messages.  I savored them - read them over and over.  It was very special to me.

Someone reminded me of a song that I hadn't thought of for a while.  Even If by MercyMe.  The words were straight from my heart during the difficult years of Floyd's illness.  That song became my anthem.  I sang and spoke it out hundreds of times.  I share it below.  The words still ring so true in my heart in all I continue to face.  He's good and faithful - even if nothing changes!

I read a quote from the poet Walt Whitman.  "Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."  If we keep our face always toward the SONshine - shadows will fall behind us as He carries us and takes care of us.

I am so grateful for the goodness, mercy, and faithfulness of the Lord!  He is awesome.  It is truly well with my soul!

If you would like to listen to the song please click here

Fresh Grace

In my last post I shared about it being 10 years since Floyd first got sick.   After this, and actually quite regularly, I get asked about why God didn't heal Floyd.  I don't have the answer for that.....but I trust God's sovereignty and wisdom.  I prayed for healing or heaven - and now Floyd is no longer suffering.  He's with Jesus.

A few days after writing that post, I came across a clip of Pete Greig sharing about his wife Sammy's illness.  Pete leads a wonderful prayer ministry called 24-7 Prayer.  It's a powerful ministry that has seen mighty answers to prayer!!  It has expanded world-wide and is impacting many lives.  He's also written a number of books that have encouraged and blessed the Body.

And yet he daily lives with an example of unanswered prayer in regard to Sammy's illness.  Pete is very articulate and shares much more profoundly than I can about what he's learned, what his perspective is.  It feels like my story even though the details are different.  I thought I'd share it at the bottom of this post.  I think it will bless you. 

Many of us live with unanswered prayers!  I've battled cancer for almost 12 years.  Floyd suffered for over 5 years - bedridden, silent, in a hospital bed - the man whose "voice" had reached thousands couldn't say a word.  I've seen miraculous healings!  I've experienced healing.  I know God could have changed Floyd's circumstances in a second.  I know I could be healed immediately.  But I have to trust that He has allowed us to walk in the "fellowship of His suffering" for purposes that we may not see or understand.  And, yes, His grace has been abundantly sufficient for every moment of these years!  He's never failed me!

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."  Hebrews 12:2

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him."  Hebrews 11:6

"Jesus said to him, 'Thomas, because you have seen me, you have believed.  Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.' "  John 20:29

My prayer today is that you will find fresh grace to walk with your unanswered prayers.  May God encourage and strengthen you through Pete's testimony.

To watch Pete's clip please click here

Overshadowed by the Goodness of God

I love nostalgia - remembering special times, events, and memories.  I'm kinda sentimental in that regard.  There's a nostalgia trend at the moment going around about remembering things from 10 years ago.  I'm having a hard time embracing this one.

This coming Monday, 10 years ago, my life was turned upside down.  Floyd woke up with pain in his left leg - surely it was nothing serious.  24 hours later he was in ICU battling for his life!  He spent the next 5 years, 3 months, and 5 days in the hospital.  In the beginning I was with him all day, every day.  Over time as my battle with cancer heated up, I could only go several times a week to be with him.  Thankfully there was a team of people who supported me in going to be with him.  Several times I was battling for my own life.  I'm so grateful to be alive!  My heart is still tender as I think back to these years.

So, no, I'm not filled with nostalgia for what started 10 years ago - but I am filled with gratitude!  Lots of it!  I would never choose for someone to go through the same thing - but I can say with confidence that there will be good things in the midst of the hard season.  When I look back, I remember the sorrow and pain......but, honestly it's over shadowed by the goodness of God.  As much as I wouldn't want to go through it all again, I also wouldn't want to miss the closeness, comfort, sweet grace, and daily strength from the Lord that I experienced!!

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2,3

"Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."  2 Corinthians 4:17

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22,23

"Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job.  Instead, be glad that you are in the thick of what Christ experienced.  This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner."  1 Peter 4:12,13  The Message

We live in a time when there's a spiritual battle going on for the hearts and lives of men and women.  I hear of "testings" that God's children are walking in.  It's not easy, but, rest assured, God is at work.  He's for us.  He's with us.  He will help us with everything we face.  Don't despair - keep looking to Him.  I can testify to His goodness and faithfulness!

Rest

I am just recovering from a horrible tummy bug.  I'm still trying to rebuild my strength.  I don't "bounce back" from things as quickly as I used to.

Over the years, when I've gone through hard things, I've learned to look for the good in the hard.  I try to find the blessings, the benefits in the hardness.  Granted, it's not always easy.....but I ask the Lord to help me.

January was a full, busy, intense month for me.  I was tired - which probably lowered my immunity even more than it already was from the cancer.  I'm still not sure how I caught the bug - I'm so very careful!  But it found its way to me.

As I looked for the good - I realized I was getting a lot of rest.  That's good!  I needed it.  Rest lets the mind reset and the body recover.  Life throws those unexpected things, like horrible  tummy bugs, our way.   When that happens we have to take extra care of ourselves.  We have to rest!

I changed my perspective.  Instead of being upset that I was so sick, I chose to receive the gift of rest that I think my body needed.  I shouldn't just rest when I'm drained down - I'm trying to make it more a part of my daily life.  Rest brings clarity, patience, and energy.  It helps us see things more clearly.  I am trying to learn to give myself rest when I need it. 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me...and you will find rest for your souls."  Matthew 11:28-30

"Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."  Jeremiah 6:16

"My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."  Exodus 33:14

"Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him."  Psalm 62:1

Jesus took time away to rest.  He set the example for us!

Waiting and Trusting Go Hand in Hand

Two dear friends, wonderful women of God, went to be with Jesus in recent days.  Christine Alexander Terrasson in Sweden and Cindy Patrick in Trinidad, Colorado.  We worked with Christine in Amsterdam, and Cindy in Stonewall, Colorado.  Both had endured years of suffering.  They are now at peace and fully healed!  I take comfort in that.  I keep thinking what a wonderful reunion we will have some day with all our dear ones who have gone before us into glory.

I've always said that people are our greatest gift - and these two women certainly exemplify that.  I was cooking something and pulled out my hand written cookbook.  I have lots of recipes from family and friends.  Christine helped me copy them into one book.  Her printing/writing was so much better than mine.  It brought back so many memories of how she loved and served us - and prayed for us!  She was a great intercessor.

I have beautiful cross-stitch pieces hanging in my office - including a large one for my 50th birthday - all done by Cindy.  She was amazingly talented - in so many areas.  Her cross stitch pieces are just one example.  I treasure her works of art.  Cindy loved to read - she was an avid reader.  And she loved to have discussions with Floyd about things she was reading.  Cindy and her dear husband Tom were such a blessing to our community.

I don't know why Christine and Cindy had to suffer so long before Jesus taking them home.  I still don't understand that about Floyd either.  But I know I trust God's wisdom and timing.  A quote I saw - "Patience means awaiting God's time without doubting God's love."  It's a simple statement - but very profound!  Waiting and trusting go hand in hand.

There are many things we can wonder about, even worry about - but we have to anchor our hearts and minds in trust.  God has reasons that we don't see or understand.  Time and time again I've had to rest and just trust.....speaking it out to the Lord.  He brings beauty out of ashes, joy out of sorrow, peace out of adversity.  He is continually at work to bring good things out of every hard thing we face.  Sarah Young says "we will find golden pockets of peace hidden in the hardness of our problems."  I can testify to the truth of that!!

"My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him."  Psalm 62:5

"I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation."  Psalm 13:5

"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."  Psalm 63:8

"Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass."  Psalm 37:5

"He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord."  Psalm 112:7

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  Psalm 143:8

"God, you're my refuge.  I trust in you and I'm safe."  Psalm 91:2  The Message

"It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.  It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes."  Psalm 118:8,9

"He who trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will flourish like foliage."  Proverbs 11:28

I'm glad I don't have to make the decisions that God makes.  I'd probably make a mess of things.  But I know I can trust the Lord's infinite wisdom.  Someday in our never-ending eternity, I'd like to ask God to share that wisdom on certain things.  Eternity is a long time!  Maybe He'll have classes to teach us more of His ways.

The Spirit Helps Us

A very happy and blessed new year!  It's hard to believe that we're already 3 weeks into this new year.  Last year seemed to fly by so fast.  I think this year might be the same.

I hope you had a wonderful "festive" season - as they call it here.  I've found that special days, while I love them, are hard for me.  I tend to miss Floyd more on those days.  I read that sadness and grief doesn't overwhelm the joy of those special times - and the joy doesn't delete the sadness and grief.  They go hand-in-hand.  As I missed Floyd, I chose to be thankful for the good things in my life because of him.  I even walked around our home thanking the Lord for the seasons in our life that are represented by things we have.  The change of focus really helped  - and joy grew in my heart.  I have so much to be thankful for from our 54 years of married life!

My year has started off with a bang in terms of medical appointments, and home maintenance and repair things that need my attention.  One day I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with it all when the Lord impressed this verse on my heart:

"The Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."  Romans 8:26-27  

It gave me fresh strength and peace being reminded that the Spirit intercedes for me!!!  What a comfort that is.  Through every day this coming year, every hour, every minute - the Spirit is praying for me according to God's will for my life.  Thank you sweet Holy Spirit!

And He's praying for you too.  May this year be blessed in every way for you.

The Giver of Life Eternal

In my last post I mentioned how we serve a God of the impossible, and it gives us fresh hope as we start a new year. It reminded me of a poem I wrote called "Christmas Hope." 

As Christmas comes there's a ray of hope

  That God will help us all to cope

With pain and sorrow and even despair

  Because we know that He truly does care.

If there can be a virgin birth

  That brought the Christ-child to us on earth,

Then surely nothing is too big a request

  To ask of the Father who only wants our best.

Hope lives when the heart is parched and dry.

  Hope grows when the mind is still asking "why?"

Hope stays when all say "it cannot be."

  Hope says "My God can - wait and see."

True hope in God is not in vain,

  For He can heal the deepest pain.

He loves, He comforts, He give strength to endure;

  His grace is sufficient, His faithfulness sure.

When I think of the babe in the manger of hay

  Then my cares and concerns I can confidently lay

As an offering of worship at His precious feet

  Knowing the longing of my soul He will surely meet.

I love Him who sent His only son for me

  To live and to die upon a cruel tree.

This Christmas gift of sacrifice from God's heart

  Brings HOPE to us all for a fresh new start.

I'm lifting the things on my heart to Him - the giver of hope! In this Christmas season, it's not Christmas itself that we celebrate. It's the Christ of Christmas...the giver of life eternal. As Mary pondered things in her heart (Luke 2:19), we can ponder Christ and all He's done for us.

God of the Impossible

We're entering into my favorite time of the year - Christmas.  I love everything about it.  I'm still getting used to celebrating it in summer here in South Africa, but I love it just as much.  I've already been singing songs about and celebrating Emmanuel - God with us.  Just saying the name causes worship to well up in my heart!

I've also been reading about the angel coming to Mary to tell her she would conceive by the Holy Spirit - and of Elizabeth bearing a son in her old age.  Luke 1:37 says "for with God nothing will be impossible."  As we come to the end of a year, and face a new one - that verse, that promise, gives me fresh hope.  We serve a God of the impossible!

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

"Rejoice and exult in hope; be steadfast and patient in suffering and tribulation; be constant in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.  In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name.  May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you."  Psalm 33:20-22

Blessings to you in the wonderful month of celebrating the birth of Jesus!  I'm so grateful He came!

Grief is a Process

Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends!  Our family always loved Thanksgiving.  There was none of the pressure of all the Christmas things - it was just family and good food.  I miss the yummy Thanksgiving food!  After the nice meal, my Texas family would play American football together in a park.  The McClung family often liked to go to a movie together.  Whatever we did - it was always a fun family day.

I love special days like Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.  But now - these special days bring a bit of sadness too.  I miss Floyd more on these days.  I realize that what brings me sadness and grief does so because it once brought me so much fun and joy.  I'm grateful for all the fun and joy during our 54 years of married life.

Grief is definitely a process.  It hurts a lot of the time - often when I least expect it.  I don't want to feel the grief and pain - but I try and keep it in perspective like I shared above.  It's because of the good that I hurt now.  Grief doesn't pay any mind to time.  It comes when it comes, and I have to navigate my way through it.  I've lost family members and friends before - but it's been a whole new journey in losing my partner, my best friend, my gentle giant.  I continue to learn through the grief.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."  Matthew 5:4

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."  Romans 12:15

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  Psalm 147:3

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Psalm 73:26

I'm so grateful for the Lord's comfort, grace, nearness, and healing of the loss.  He is faithful in every season.

The Importance of Prayer

I have been writing updates to my prayer partners for several years now.  All through my journey with Cancer and with Floyd's illness.  I started thinking this week about why I'm writing these updates, and I realized it's because I really want and need these prayers!  These prayers have "carried" me through so many things and I don't know if I'd have made it without them.

This started me thinking about prayer!  I read an anecdote that I wanted to share with you.  "In Alexander Solzhenitsyn's  A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, Ivan endures all the horrors of a Soviet prison camp.   One day he is praying with his eyes closed when a fellow prisoner notices him and says with ridicule, "Prayers won't help you get out of here any faster."  Opening his eyes, Ivan answers, "I do not pray to get out of prison but to do the will of God." "  - Vernon C. Grounds

We don't always get the exact thing we prayed for - but prayer helps us get through the situation we find ourselves in.  Prayer isn't a button we push to get God to do what we want.  It's asking God to help us do and be what He wants in the circumstances we're living with.

Floyd wasn't healed even though thousands were praying for him.  But God helped him (and me) get through the 5 1/2 years of his illness.  I've not been healed of cancer, but God has helped me through the 8 surgeries and 4 types of chemo treatments.  God has been so good and faithful.  Prayers have been answered because God helped us make it through all that!  I thank the Lord all the time for answered prayer!!

"Lord, teach us to pray."  Luke 11:1

"We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.  In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name.  May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you."  Psalm 33:20-22

"Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

"The Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."  Romans 8:26,27

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstance; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."  Colossians 4:2

"Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."  Jeremiah 29:12

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

I think that last verse sums up the past 11 years of my life!  "Prayer is not a way to get what we want but the way to become what God wants."  - Anon.  In all these years God has been working in my life......and, yes, helping me to be more like what He wants.  I'm still learning and growing.  He's not done with me yet!

God is in the Details

I'm a detailed person.  I have been all my life - as far back as I can remember.  My family has told me funny stories of my detailed ways when I was a child.  I truly believe it's how God made me - and a gift to me.

When Floyd and I got married we had to talk a lot and make some adjustments about my detailed ways.  My husband was a spontaneous, big picture, visionary - wonderful gifts in his life from the Lord!  Sometimes my "details" were frustrating to him.  Over time, with lots of conversations and patience, we learned how to merge our two giftings so that they were a compliment to each other.  Over the years, it became very precious. Floyd even began to be detailed in his leadership!  God clearly brought us together.  Floyd has spoken of this numerous times, so I'm not telling anything new about him.  He actually came to lean into and treasure my detail ways - and I loved his visionary, pioneering spirit.  We were a good team.

I'm in a particular season where I'm lifting lots of "details" to the Lord in prayer.  I know He cares and understands because as great and big and mighty as He is - He's also a God of detail.....the tiniest of details.  I'm encouraged by that.  It lets me know that He cares about my details.  He's mindful of them.  He's at work in them.  He wants to help me with them.  He answers my prayers about them.

When I worship Him and praise Him for who He is - thanking Him for being with me and meeting my needs.....I then lift my details in prayer.....and I know He's listening.  What an awesome God He is.

"He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name."  Psalm 147:4

"The hairs of your head are all numbered."  Matthew 10:30  Because of some of my treatments, I am constantly losing hair.  I think there must be angels whose job it is to keep count!!

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly.  He delights in every detail of their lives."  Psalm 37:23-25

"You have taken note of my sorrow.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle; you have recorded them in your book."  Psalm 56:8

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father."  Matthew 10:29

"You must make it according to all that I show you - the pattern of the tabernacle as well as the pattern of all its furnishings."  Exodus 25:9  I think He's interested in the details of how I decorate my home. :)  Through the years, I've prayed specifically for certain things for our homes and seen God answer those prayers.

There are many, many scriptures that show how God was involved in the "details."  He's involved in the details of our lives today because He loves us.  If He didn't love us, He wouldn't care.  And He does care!  Our wonderful loving Father, whose understanding is infinite - so beyond what we can comprehend - knows every single thing about us.  He's a God of "details."  Large and small.  And He cares about them all.  He's so amazing!  Don't you just love Him?!

Hope Believes

When I face a hard time - any kind of hard time - I immediately go to prayer.  And with that prayer, I have hope for answers!  I've been thinking a lot about hope.  Hope is not passive - it's actively asking and trusting for change.

I read a quote from Jeff Fountain in one of the weekly letters he writes:  "Hope is not the same as optimism.  Optimism expects things to go well.  Hope holds on even when they do not.  It is not dependent on circumstances.  While it sees reality clearly, hope chooses to trust anyway."

That sums up a lot of what I think and feel about hope.  Many of the things I'm praying for - I see clearly the need, the impossibility even - but I choose to trust God for answers, impossible ones, and to fill my heart with hope.

Hope is powerful!  A heart of hope can carry us through so many hard things.  Proverbs 29:18 says "without vision, the people perish."  I would say the same thing about hope.  Without hope, we would shrivel up and die.  Hope keeps us going in the hardest of circumstances.  Hope believes for change, for answers.  Hope gets us through a hard day, believing that tomorrow will be better.  Hope helps us see beyond problems to possibilities.

Hebrews 6:19 tells us that "hope is the anchor of our soul, firm and secure."  In hard times, hope carries us through.  It understands that, in the end, God will prevail.  His goals and purposes, His plans will be worked out.  Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has plans for us.  "Plans to prosper us - and not harm us, plans to give us hope and a future."

In difficult times, we need to:

-  believe that things will get better

-  be careful not to give up and quit

-  not blame God for what's happening

-  be careful to make right choices in the hard time

-  keep hope alive through prayer and worship

-  keep praying for the answers 

"Rejoice and exult in hope; be steadfast and patient in suffering and tribulation; be constant in prayer."  Romans 12:12  That's a good formula!

"Those who hope in me will not be disappointed."  Isaiah 49:23

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence."  Psalm 42:5

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.  There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."  Revelation 21:4

Keeping hope alive in my heart is one of my daily "exercises."  Without hope I would be lost.  But, with it, my heart is expectant of what God is going to do.  I anticipate answers to my prayers.  I speak out my trust to the Lord - because He is so good and so faithful!  Hope springs eternal!

Treasure in Jars of Clay

I find myself on the periphery of a difficult situation.  I'm not in the middle of it, but people I love are.  I find it painful to watch them going through it.  I want to help - to rescue them - to take the difficulty away.  But, alas! I don't have the ability to do that.

As I've prayed and cried out to the Lord for them, I'm reminded that God is at work to help them in way more ways than I ever could.  Things may be difficult - even feel like everything is falling apart, but God is at work.  He is unfailing and He will help in the difficulty.  I was thinking of a verse:

"Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job.  Instead, be glad that you are in the thick of what Christ experienced.  This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner."  1 Peter 4:12,13  The Message

I haven't always liked that verse - especially when life has gotten really difficult for me.....but it has helped me keep things in perspective.  We will have hard times on this earth.  Times we don't like.  Times that are unfair.  Times when things just seem wrong.  Times that are super hard.  But if God has allowed these things to come our way, He will be faithful to help us through them.  He will help my friends get through the hard time they're facing.

I've had times when I've told the Lord that I think He has too much faith in me in terms of making it through difficult times.  And then I hear His gentle voice reminding me that He's strong when I'm weak - and His grace is sufficient for my every need.  And somehow, with His awesome help, I've made it through some of those difficult times.  He's never left me alone.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  2 Corinthians 12:9

"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."  Ephesians 3:16-19

"Nevertheless I am continually with You; You hold me by my right hand.  You will guide me with Your counsel."  Psalm l73:23, 24

"So we can say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?' "  Hebrews 13:6

"We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."  2 Corinthians 4:7-9

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

I have to admit that I really, really don't like hard times.  And I hate to see my friends and family go through difficulties.  But I'm old enough to know that as long as we live on this earth, in this fallen world, we will have difficult, stretching times.  But I also know that we'll never go through them alone.  I certainly couldn't have made it without God's help.  He has been so faithful - and as only He can do - He's even brought good from those hard times.  I'm so grateful!

God is in the Fog

I love living near the ocean, with mountains in the background.  One thing that's very special is how often the sky and ocean changes.  It can be a brilliant, beautiful, sunny day - and then, out of nowhere, a heavy fog may roll in.  It's always such a surprise.  

I've realized that the same thing happens in life sometimes.  Life can be wonderful - everything calm and carefree.  Then, out of nowhere, trouble rolls in like that heavy fog.  Sickness, financial troubles, relationship conflicts, and all manner of suffering.  It, too, is usually such a surprise.

I've experienced that "fog" over and over in recent years.  Lots of surprises.  But, thankfully, God is right there in the fog.  He is always aware of that fog - and He loves me and cares for me in the midst of it.  He is good and faithful in the midst of whatever fog rolls in.  He doesn't abandon me.  I couldn't make it without Him.  I honestly don't know how people make it on their own.

So many times I've thought of all that Job went through, and yet His faith and trust in God never wavered.  I pray that God will help me always follow his example.

"I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38, 39

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen, and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights."  Habakkuk 3:17-19

"I have set the Lord always before me.  Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."  Psalm 16:8

I'm so grateful that the light of God's presence shines brightly in the thickest fog.  He is so good!

Our Unshakeable God

I read a verse in my quiet time that just ushered me into the presence of the Lord.

" 'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you."  Isaiah 54:10

It seems like everything around me/us is being shaken.  Even in my limited space here in South Africa - things are continually shaken.  But God's love, peace, and compassion WILL NOT be shaken.  Absolutely nothing that can happen to me can remove God's wonderful presence all around me.  And He understands when I feel shaken - He has compassion on me.  My heart is overflowing with thankfulness.

I've been listening to a chorus - "we are standing on holy ground, and I know that there are angels all around."  I felt the Lord saying to me today - I'm on holy ground right where I am.  I'm in a home that God provided for us.  I look out at His amazingly beautiful creation every day.  I'm alone - but not alone.  His presence with me is closer than the air I breathe.  In my sweet home here in South Africa, I'm on holy ground.  So precious!

Our wonderful God is unshakeable.  He's never exhausted.  He never fails.  He is the constant in my life at all times.  He is unchangeable.  His love is firmer than the highest mountain, and boundless like the deepest seas.  And with Him, I live on holy ground.  I can't even explain to you how this revelation washed over me like precious waves of His goodness.  So special!

And His sweet peace - I couldn't survive without that.  When I'm weak.  When I feel I'm failing.  When I'm alone.  When I'm in pain.  When things are changing all around - His peace is always there to surround me and remind me of His goodness.  The most wonderful balm!

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  John 14:27

"Do not be anxious about anything; but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

"May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way."  2 Thessalonians 3:16

"For He Himself is our peace."  Ephesians 2:14

Every day, every hour, every minute - 24/7 - my unchangeable, unshakeable God is with me covering me with His peace.  So awesome!