Worry Is Like a Rocking Chair

Floyd is gaining strength.  He is coughing less, but when he coughs it is still deep and congested.  We continue to pray for complete healing from the 3 infections he is battling.  The doctor does feel that there is improvement and Floyd has been more alert and active with his left arm again.  This is really good but also challenging for the nursing staff and therapists.  It makes their jobs so much more difficult.  But they are awesome!  They are to be commended for their patience and care.  I pray often for them to be blessed.  I’m very grateful for them!

As I watch Floyd in this condition, I get worried about him. I've heard the saying that "worry is like a rocking chair.  It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere."  I've actually always like rocking chairs. :)  But I don't want to be burdened with worries.

I've been reflecting on this scripture - "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about what you need, and thank Him for all He has done." Philippians 4:6 NLT

God has done so much these last few months.  I'm so very grateful for that.  I choose to commit the present needs to Him.  I know He's aware of them - and He has a plan.  He's more concerned about Floyd than I am.

I look to Him, and I trust Him.  Come, Lord Jesus, and touch Floyd!

From the very first day of this journey, I've felt that God has asked me to trust Him.  With His help, I've done that.  The steps of trust have been big - facing issues of life and death.

But the issues we're facing now of not knowing what's ahead and Floyd feeling the frustration of his condition - these seem even harder to bear. I am feeling that God is calling me to even greater, deeper levels of trust.

As I've been praying, I've realized afresh that I can embrace this kind of trust because of who God is.  I wrote out this graft while thinking about that.

TRUST

T - one who tries, who tackles a task (works, does the utmost)

R - one who is reliable (dependable, steady)

U - one who is unwavering, unfailing (solid, constant, a rock)

S - one who is sure (faithful, doesn't give up)

T - one who is true (accurate, honest)

There has to be a good reason to trust - and God is trustworthy for thousands of reasons.  He is so worthy of my/our trust!!

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, my stronghold."  Psalm 18:2

"Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken."  Psalm 62:6

"Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."  Psalm 9:10

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you."  Psalm 56:3

There are so, so many verses about how trustworthy He is.  I read through dozens and dozens of them.  It built up my faith, my trust, my absolute dependence upon Him.  It renewed hope in my heart.

He is firm, solid, secure - worthy of my absolute trust.  I am choosing to trust Him more deeply as we face the new challenges.

"Yet I am confident I will see the Lord's goodness while I am here in the land of the living."  Psalm 27:13

In the midst of so many ups and downs in Floyd's illness, I see the goodness of the Lord all around me.  Even on the hardest of days, I am aware of His presence and His care.  He is so faithful.

"Wait patiently for the Lord.  Be brave and courageous.  Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."  verse 14

I continue to wait - to see what God has in store.  I ask His help daily to be brave and courageous.  I can't change anything on my own, so I wait as patiently as I can.  Again, He is faithful to help me.

As I've been meditating on God's faithfulness so many, many verses that affirm how good and faithful He is come to mind!

"Your faithfulness endures to all generations."  Psalm 119:90

"I am with you always, even to the end of the age."  Matthew 28:20

He is present, even if we don't "feel" Him.  His faithfulness is not dependent on my feelings.  He doesn't have "bad" days.  He is never too tired to listen, nor too busy to hear.

I started to think about my faithfulness.  I wondered how I was measuring up!  My prayers started to change.

There's not a lot I can do right now to change our circumstances......but I can try to be faithful to the things God has for me to do.  I need to keep my eyes on Him.  I need to continue to trust Him.  I need to take care of myself and persevere on this unexpected journey.

Proverbs 24:10  "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small."  

I often feel like my strength is small.  I keep asking the Lord to increase my strength on this journey.  I don't know how this journey will end!  But I'm asking God to help me make it all the way, to help me be faithful.

God Wants His Church To Pray

I found out at the beginning of this week that the infection Floyd has been fighting is pneumonia in his right lung.  Then, after doing more tests, Floyd’s doctor told me on Wednesday that he is actually battling 3 infections.  This is very hard on his body.  Our prayers have been for these to be cleansed from his body - soon!  And for protection from any new ones.

Since yesterday Floyd seems to be slightly better.  He was strong enough to be up in his chair, which hasn't happened for quite a few days.  His eyes were clearer, and he was alert.  I'm hoping and praying that we have "turned a corner" on these infections. 

One of the hospital staff printed some scripture verses and put them up in Floyd's room.  One of them is Hebrews 13:5 - "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  I read it to Floyd today.  He teared up when I did.  We are praying that Floyd will be so aware of God's presence with him!!

As we continue to pray for Floyd, we know that God can do anything.  He's the God of the impossible.  And He knows just what He wants to do - what His will is for Floyd.

But He involves us in the process in the place of prayer.  I heard someone say recently, "God does more when the church prays for the church."  He wants us to lift each other up.

He wants us to ask.  He wants the conversations with us.  He wants the relationship with us as we meet Him in the place of prayer.  He created us for friendship and communion with Him, and the primary place for that is in prayer.

When I first asked a few friends to pray for Floyd back in February, I had no idea of the worldwide wave of prayer that would break out.....a mighty wave that runs deeper and wider than just praying for Floyd.  I think God had in mind something so much greater.  Our intercession during this journey is as important as the outcome from all the prayers!  

This intensity of prayer has something to do with things that are on God's heart for the Body of Christ.  We must keep pressing into Him for His purposes to be fulfilled.  I truly believe there are big things coming.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"When I had nothing, desperate and defeated, I cried out to the Lord and He heard me, bringing His miracle-deliverance when I needed it most.  The angels stooped down to listen as I prayed, encircling me, empowering me and showing me how to escape.  They will do this to everyone who fears God.  Drink deeply of the pleasures of this God.  Experience for yourself the joyous mercies He gives to all who turn to hide themselves in Him."  Psalm 34:6-8  Passion Translation

How faithful He is to meet us - whenever we call.  The angels protect us - and He delivers us and washes over us with His joyous mercies.

I'm so grateful I can turn to Him again, and again, and again.  "His mercies never come to an end."  Lamentations 3:22

And I know He is being just as faithful to Floyd too!

Daniel 3:16 – 18 says:  "Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego answered and said to the king, 'O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter.  If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king.  But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.'"

From the beginning of this unexpected journey of Floyd's illness, I have "released" Floyd to the Lord.  Our family has done that collectively.  Individually many have done that.  I personally have told the Lord repeatedly that I trust Him, I release Floyd to Him, and want His will to be done.

I've also spoken to Floyd and told him that I release him to go be with Jesus if that is what he thinks is best.  I've told him that I'll be okay - not to worry about me.

While we have fervently prayed for the "breakthrough" like the word the Lord gave Floyd for this year, we've realized that there is no guarantee of that healing.  We have made all the choices and responses that we know to do - including releasing Floyd to Him.

All we can do is ask, wait, and trust!

Like the three Hebrew young men, we say "we know God will deliver us, but if not..." we serve only Him and we trust Him!  

Trusting Jesus

This week Floyd has had good days and bad days as he continues to fight this chest infection.  Hopefully he is getting to the end of it now.  His therapists worked to custom make a splint for his immobile right wrist.  Without movement, it has been turning inward. This new splint will help correct that.  His new, specialized wheelchair arrived this week too, so he was able to be out of bed sitting up in a chair again.  I know that must feel so good to him.

"And I'll keep on carrying you when you're old.  I'll be there, bearing you when you're old and gray.  I've done it and will keep doing it, carrying you on my back, saving you."  Isaiah 46:4  The Message

Floyd has beautiful gray hair.  And he's getting old.  I'm grateful the Lord is with him, carrying him!  What a comfort to know He doesn't abandon us......never!

Floyd listened intently to things being shared by one of the carers this week and to the worship music.  He very purposely moved his left arm in a way he never has.  That was encouraging.  We celebrate every small improvement we see. :)

One friend encouraged me in perseverance.  "That's what it comes down to - our firm and unshakable resolve to keep interceding for Floyd until the answer comes.  Until those golden bowls of prayer are full and are poured out over Floyd.  Perseverance in the face of contrary indications, of doctors who don't see reasonable prospects, of those who are complacent, or in the drag of repetition/tiredness/unbelief!  We persevere like the old heroes of the faith - "not seeing the outcome, but welcoming it from a distance."  Hebrews 11:13

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial."  James 1:12

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12

Until the Lord brings things to a conclusion - we persevere in faith and prayer.  And we keep trusting Him!

On Thursday I was playing some worship for Floyd from a YWAM gathering in Kansas City last week.  Our "roots" are in YWAM. We went on our first outreach in 1965.  I joined full time in 1966, and we led our first team together just 3 days after we got married in 1967. We worked with YWAM in various parts of the world until the beginning of 2000.

YWAM will always be part of who we are.  We're so grateful for all we learned during those years.  Our hearts are forever linked.  So it was very special to me when there was prayer for Floyd at the gathering last week.  

As I played the worship music, I lifted my hand several times.  Because of his weakened condition, Floyd's left hand/arm has been very still and quiet recently.  His arm hadn't moved at all, but then he watched me raising my hand and started trying to move his arm.  I wish you could have seen him.  He worked so hard!  It wasn't easy.  His arm was shaking terribly from the effort.  And slowly, very slowly, he raised his arm into the air - then again and again.  It felt like a "sacrifice of praise."  I think the Lord would have been pleased.

As I watched Floyd respond, I kept thinking of the life we've had together serving the Lord.  Good times - hard times, but all of it such a wonderful treasure of walking through all these years together in serving Jesus.  We are so blessed and rich in Him.  It was a joy to worship the Lord with Floyd.  I've missed times like that.

"Worship the Lord your God; it is He who will deliver you."  2 Kings 17:39

"Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.  Worship the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful songs.  Know that the Lord is God.  It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, the sheep of His pasture.  Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name.  For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations."  Psalm 100

How very good and faithful He is!  I'm so glad Floyd and I could worship Him together.

As time goes on, and my strength is less……..I find it hard when I face a new situation that seems overwhelming, or heavy, or sad, or just plain impossible.  I find the emotional impact on my heart is harder and harder as time goes on.

A few days ago I faced one of these situations.  My heart felt like lead.  The emotional impact of what happened felt like a storm battering my soul.  For a few minutes I just felt I was drowning in the weight of all this over these months.

I sat crying out to the Lord.  I so clearly heard Him speak to me – “Just trust me.  Speak out your trust in me.”

So I did – I sat quietly, with tears running down my face, and told the Lord I trusted Him.  I was honest.  I told Him I didn’t understand.  I told Him it was too big for me.  I told Him I loved Him and I trusted Him…….but I couldn’t make it if He didn’t intervene.

I can’t explain it, but as I sat there telling the Lord all this…….the heaviness and weight lifted.  He truly took it from my heart!  The situation didn’t change, but the weight in my spirit was gone. 

After talking with Him a little longer, I dried my tears, and continued on with what I needed to do.

I have continued to do this as various things have come up, and He lifts the burden each time.  I’ve done this before – I’ve told Him that I trust Him from day one of this journey, but something new has happened.  He has stepped in in an even greater way to carry the burden and help me keep going.  Maybe in the past I’ve waited for things to build up and get heavy…….now I just speak out my love and trust to Him continually.

"How enriched are they who find their strength in the Lord; within their hearts are the highways of holiness!  Even when their path winds through the dark valley of tears, they dig deep to find a pleasant pool where others only find pain.  He gives them pools of blessing filled from the rain of an outpouring.  They grow stronger and stronger with each step forward until they find their strength in You, and the God of all gods will appear before them in Zion." Psalm 84:5 – 7 The Passion Translation

He is helping me find strength in greater measures as my weariness grows.  He is bringing the refreshment I need from His deep wells.  I am grateful for the water of refreshment He is bringing to my soul.

Once again, He's shown Himself so very faithful!

Contentment Comes From Him

Floyd has had a rough week this week.  He has been battling with a chest infection, and it’s really made him feel miserable. He has done better as the week’s progressed.  By now he is looking better, stronger, his eyes are clearer, he is more alert, and he has much less coughing.  The antibiotics are clearing up the infection.  So happy about that.

One morning this week when I was praying for Floyd, I was thinking about his gift of communication.  I've always seen it as an anointing in his life from the Lord.  Even after all these years of hearing him speak, he's still one of my favorite preachers.  (I may be a little bit biased!)  It saddens me that he is now stuck in a silent world of not being able to communicate.  I pray for "release" for him!

A number of intercessors have been telling me that they feel there is still a spiritual battle being waged for Floyd's recovery and restoration.  I don't fully understand what this whole journey has been about, but I know God has been at work.  The worldwide wave of prayer that has been lifted up has had His hand upon it.  I am praying for fresh victories.

"Summon your power, God; show us your strength, our God, as you have done before." - Psalm 68:28

It is hard not to get tired and weary though.  It's been a long journey.  I’m so grateful for the many that have not given up praying for Floyd and God’s purposes.  I pray for fresh strength and perseverance for each of us.  Andrew Murray said "intercession is our highest calling."  May He help us fulfill that calling!

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." - Isaiah 40:29

We need that!  

Sitting with Floyd, being with him, praying for him is always hard on my heart.  I see the frailness of his current condition, and I remember the healthy, vibrant man he was just a few months ago.  My mind always drifts to wondering how this will all turn out.  I've been comforted by a couple verses the past few days.

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the Lord your God." - Isaiah 43:1-3

"No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame." - Psalm 25:3

I don't know the end of all this, but I know the God who holds it in His hands.  I can trust Him.

I shared with friends a few weeks ago that I was so unsettled - wishing I had understanding of what God is up to.  He spoke to me that peace doesn't come from understanding, but from spending time in His presence.  I've tried to do that, and, as I have, He has been speaking to me about contentment. 

Contentment has to do with that peace that comes from being with Him.  You can actually be content without being happy!  When I had cancer, I felt enveloped in a peace from the Lord.  I wasn't "happy" about the cancer, but I was at peace.  So I was content.

I think that's why the Bible talks about being content in all circumstances. We may not be happy about the circumstances, but we can be content, at peace.  It's a peace "that passes understanding" (Philippians 4:7) that can only come from God.  It's not a human emotion, feeling, experience......it's from Him.

"'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12: 9, 10

That's quite a list!  How in the world can one be content with all that?  I have to be honest and say that there have been many days on this journey when I've been upset, disturbed, concerned, anxious.  And I've felt very weak!

I guess what I heard the Lord saying to me is that He wants to teach me a new level of being content in spite of all these circumstances. I'm going to do my best to try and learn this lesson.  I don't like the circumstances, but I want to find my peace and contentment in Him.  I need that to make it through this time!

As the Lord has been speaking to me about contentment, I have remembered a time years ago when I was learning to be content in another season. I've learned through the years that God often takes a lesson He's taught me in a previous season - and takes it a notch deeper in the new season I'm walking through.  I think that's what's happening now.  He is taking the lesson much further down into my heart!

There are some basic choices/attitudes that the Lord has shown me that help in being content:

• I need to trust Him!! God is good. He's sovereign. He knows what's best for me. He can instantly change my/our situation. If He chooses not to, there must be higher plans or purposes that He has in mind. He has an eternal view of what is best for me, for Floyd. If I don't fully, 100% trust Him - I'll never be able to have peace and contentment as I walk through this season.

• I need to be grateful.....even in the midst of a very hard season. "Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 - That's a big challenge! Gratitude/thankfulness will keep my spirit sweet and tender towards Him in the midst of the hard season. It changes my focus from the situation to God. When I keep my focus on Him, it releases grace to handle the hard things.

• I need to work with God in this hard season, not against the trial or against Him. I need to do what I'm trying to do now - ask God what He's wanting to teach me on this journey. He won't "waste" this sorrow! My inner growth (my walk with Him) is more important than the outward hard situation.

God has our times and seasons in His control.  He sees the big view.  Learning contentment in the difficult situation is a spiritual weapon against the enemy!  He has no leverage to try and use the trial for his plans.

"There is great gain in godliness with contentment." - 1 Timothy 6:6

When my heart is content - when I'm at peace because of spending time in His presence - then I can face what each new day brings, with His help!  I can trust Him.  I can be grateful even though it's hard.  I can work with Him in the difficult time.

Finding Blessing In The Hard Places

Last week we met with Floyd's doctor and in the course of our discussion, I mentioned some of the miracles Floyd saw during his time at the first hospital.  He had 2 very dramatic ones:

1. an MRI had shown multiple pockets of pus and necrosis in his legs. He was rushed into emergency surgery that they didn't think he would even survive. Once in surgery, they couldn't find anything that was shown on the MRI. It was all gone.

2. 2 scans had shown that Floyd had a brain stem stroke. They did an MRI to get more information. There was no sign of the stroke on the MRI, and they said he had a normal brain for a 71 year old man with no brain damage.

The doctors were stunned both times.  They called it "inexplicable."  They said it left them stuttering and speechless.

I have to say "thank you" again to the Lord for these miracles! 

God has been so good to us, to Floyd.  We're grateful for these miracles, and we dare to ask for more!  We ask Him to completely heal and restore Floyd.

Floyd has been sleeping a lot this week.  I've been concerned as to what this means, but the Dr. assured me that his body is recovering from the emergency surgery that he had a couple weeks ago and all that it entailed.  She said the sleep is bringing renewed strength and healing.  I was very glad to hear this.  Since this conversation Floyd has been gaining strength and being awake more and more. He was in his wheelchair for a good amount of time yesterday and held his head up by himself for a while.  It's nice to see that strength in his neck.

As we have been talking to Floyd’s doctors again about the brain/body alignment that Floyd still needs, the reconnecting of brain and body after the stroke disappeared, we continue to keep praying and trusting for that.

And we want to keep praying for that for the Body of Christ worldwide - to be realigned to God's plans and purposes in our world today!

Someone sent me an encouragement this week about waiting in Him - being patient, being aware that He's doing things I can't see, trusting in His timing/not mine, and continuing to keep my focus on Him.  One phrase really caught my attention - "Never judge My works by what your eyes see, but by the promises I have made to you."  I choose afresh each day to keep my eyes on Him and trust Him.

"Lord, I have always trusted in your kindness, so answer me.  I will yet celebrate with passion and joy when your salvation lifts me up.  I will sing my song of joy to you, the Most High, for in all of this you have strengthened my soul.  My enemies say that I have no Savior, but I know that I have one in you!"   Psalm 13:5, 6  (The Passion Translation)

I also read recently that "difficulties are often blessings in disguise."  I've certainly seen that to be the case through the years, so it's made me ponder our current season of "difficulty."  Has the last 6 months been a blessing in disguise?

I don't know if I'd say it quite like that, but I sure see a lot of blessings:

• The incredible outpouring of love, support, and encouragement has blown me away!

• The massive amount of prayer being lifted up is hard to comprehend. A friend of ours said he's never seen so much prayer for one person. I'm sure God intends for much good to come from all these prayers.

• The sweet closeness of the Lord as I've walked this journey has been more than I could have asked for.

• The undergirding grace of the Lord to survive this time amazes me every day.

• The generosity of friends, and those we don't even know, has helped to cover Floyd's ongoing care.

• The answers to prayer for Floyd already has humbled us and amazed the doctors.

The list could go on and on.  I'm thankful, so very thankful, for the blessings He has brought our way in the midst of difficulty.  Maybe the whole journey will end up being a "blessing in disguise."  God can certainly do things like that!  He's an expert at bringing good out of bad.

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."   Jeremiah 29:11

He "gives beauty for ashes."   Isaiah 61:3 

Covered In Prayer

Floyd is becoming more attentive when awake.  We are seeing more and more cognitive things happening with him.  They're all small, but good.  He seems to be aware of things, make a conscious choice, and then do something.  In fact, he is actually becoming quite feisty!  The nurses keep telling me that it's good - that he needs that for recovery.  I hope that's true!  He managed to pull all his blankets and pillows off the bed, and he continually tries to sit up.  I'm amazed he's not exhausted.  He's wearing the care team out!

After so many months of weakness and lethargy, it is wonderful to see him have all this energy.  

A sweet thing happened this week.  The carer was playing worship music and holding Floyd's active hand.  At one point in a particularly worshipful song, Floyd let go of his hand and lifted his hand up very peacefully into the air for about 10 seconds.  I can't help but think that Floyd was expressing worship to the Lord.

I’m very grateful to the Lord for the facility that is Floyd’s ‘home’.  The atmosphere is very warm and inviting - not the typical hospital feel. The staff are awesome!  I walked in once and found a nurse praying for him, another time one was singing to him, and all of them treating Floyd so kindly, warmly, and lovingly.  The care and treatment has been wonderful.  They are professional, and very caring!

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul."  Psalm 23:1-3

I’m so grateful our Shepherd is taking care of Floyd and my needs.

I know we couldn't have gotten through this season without the prayers of so many people from around the world!  They have been so faithful and diligent in sticking with us on this long journey, and lifting us to the Father in prayer.  Many times when I'm tired or overwhelmed, I feel the sweet reminder of the Spirit that someone, somewhere is lifting me to the throne of grace.  What a support and comfort that is!

I've mentioned several times that I think God is "up to something" through this season of concentrated prayer from the 4 corners of the globe - from individuals, to prayer groups, to whole churches interceding.  The prayers are crossing over so many denominational lines, and so many countries are represented.  What an awesome picture of our spiritual "family" it has been.  I know God is doing something much greater than just praying for Floyd.  I have a feeling that in years to come we'll look back on this season, and be amazed at what God was doing.

"The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."  James 5:16

We See A Mess, He Sees Beauty

This week Floyd has been working so hard on trying to pull himself up into a seated position.  He is so determined.  The cognitive ability this is requiring on his part is so encouraging to see!

I was with him for his therapy and tilt table sessions one morning this week.  I was so impressed with what a good job the therapist is doing.  I am amazed at the level of mobility she is maintaining for him!  As he recovers more and more, this will be such an advantage.

Someone asked me recently, when I say Floyd is "alert" - what does that mean?  That's a good question!  When Floyd is awake (eyes open)......he is sometimes very distant.  His eyes are open, but he's not looking at us.......he's somewhere else.  Maybe with Jesus?  :)

Other times, he is awake......and he is looking right at us.  Following movements in the room.  Listening.  Sometimes responding with facial expressions or sounds to what we're saying. That's what I mean by "alert."

I’m so glad to be able to say that the “alert” times are increasing!

Forty two years ago, we were leading the busy ministry of "The Ark" in Amsterdam, Holland.  Matthew, our son, was a couple weeks old. I hadn't been sleeping well with a new baby and with all the noises of the city, and was very tired.  "Tante (Aunt) Corrie" (Corrie ten Boom) invited us to come spend a few days at her home in Haarlem to get some peace and quiet.  That was a wonderful blessing!

While we were there, my precocious daughter, Misha, spoke up at a mealtime and said "it's my mother's birthday!"  Tante Corrie smiled, and left the room for a few minutes.  When she returned, she gave me a little gift.  It was a two-sided embroidery piece - one that she often used as a sermon illustration when she spoke.

The embroidery is of a crown.  One side is a mess of threads - all tangled, knotted, and confused.  The other side is a beautiful crown.  She explained that as we go through life, we usually look at our lives like the messy side of the crown.  We see the problems, the mistakes, the questions, the confusion.......and we think our lives are a mess.  We are insecure, discouraged, and tend to have a low self image of who we are.

But, she explained, God's looks down upon us as His beloved child.  He sees beauty.  He sees who He has created us to be.  He sees the lovely creation He is forming us to be - in His image.  He knows we'll get beyond the "mess" with His help, and we'll become all that He destined for us.

She gently explained that I was going through some of life's "rough spots," but God loved me and was pleased with me.  He saw that I was His beautiful daughter.

It was such a special, timely, encouraging gift - that I have treasured all these 42 years since.  I had it framed so that you can see both sides.  It has had a place of honor and focus in our home, wherever we've lived, all these years.  I have used a picture of it at the top of this post.

I've been very tired these past days.  I’ve been praying and asking God for fresh strength and grace.  I remembered a story I read in a church bulletin:

A 3-year-old was telling his mother about his Sunday School lesson.  It was about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednigo.  "They got put in the fire," he said, wide-eyed.  "Did God help them?" the mother prompted.  "No," the little boy said.  "He fell right in with them."

I couldn't help but smile, of course......and then thank the Lord that "He falls right in with us."  I'm so very grateful that He has been with me each step of this journey. 

Because He is with me each step,  I'm able to talk to Him about my heart and "explain" my tiredness… telling Him how hard it is to keep going with no end in sight.  Wanting to know if there is an "exit" sign coming up.  Asking if He can give me any understanding of what's ahead.

I've been reading some things in my quiet times that have helped me process these thoughts.  I've realized that understanding in itself doesn't give peace!  Being in His presence gives peace.  My peace comes from Him, trusting in Him - not in knowing what's ahead.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5, 6

Getting my thoughts refocused on Him has restored my peace!  And it has strengthened my hope and faith! 

Today I want to thank Him, not only for the peace He's put in our hearts in the recent days.......but to thank Him for the "peace that passes understanding" (Philippians 4:7) that He has given me all these months. Through all the trauma and roller coaster days of the last months, there has been a bedrock of peace from Him under it all.  On the hardest of days, I've had a sweet sense of peace from Him.  I praise Him - and say there is no other explanation except for the sweet ministry of peace from the Holy Spirit.  That peace from Him, His sweet presence - has carried me through!  Thank you Lord!

Walking Into The Fire

Floyd’s strength is increasing!  He is pulling himself up more and more each day, and he is also managing longer times on the tilt table.  He started at 30 seconds, and is up to 5 minutes now.  Good improvement!

On Wednesday it was Floyd's birthday!  I had a sweet morning with him.  The All Nations community had recorded singing happy birthday to him. When I played that, his face registered lots of emotion and he got teary.  Our daughter and son-in-law got up in the middle of the night to Face Time with us to bring wishes to him!  I also read a number of greetings and messages to Floyd from all over the world.  I kept telling him how loved and prayed for he is.

I'm grateful for that special morning with my gentle giant - my best friend for most of my life.  I'll keep praying for healing and restoration!

2 Cor. 4:17 - "This light, momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison."

I love the promise of that verse, but when you're in the middle of the affliction it is neither light nor momentary!  It seems just plain hard.  When someone sent me that verse as an encouragement, I wasn't sure if it was encouraging!  :)

There have been some very hard times in the last 5 months.  There have been times when I wondered if I'd survive.  I was praying with some friends one day, and I told them "I just don't know if I can make it!"  But He's helped me, and I have survived.  I don't know what's still ahead, but I'm trusting Him to keep helping me.  

A consistent theme from prayers all over the world at the moment is "restoration."  I am joining with those prayers, and trusting God for healing and full restoration for Floyd.

I find myself choosing daily to keep focusing my heart to work with God's purposes during this journey.  I don't want to draw back out of weariness. I've found there are several responses I can have during times like this:

-            I can try to "ignore" how hard it is.......but, if I do that, I will miss out on the support and help I need to make it through.  Honesty and openness is so important during a difficult season.  I've been so grateful I can share through the updates I write and have the support of so many people's prayers!  I know I can't make it alone, and the love and care I have received through this long journey has been incredible.  Some days I am so tired that I wonder if what I am sharing in the updates makes sense, but I have been graciously encouraged to keep writing them.

-            I can "grit my teeth" and force my way through the hard time.  But that will only last for a short period of time.  I could have never made it that way through this long journey.  And the stress from this kind of response only makes the hard time harder.  I know - I've tried it before.

-            I can choose to learn and grow and receive God's help.  That is what I have needed to do daily (often many times a day!) - and I am finding I need to keep doing in my tiredness.  Because the journey has been long, I just want to rest - not quit, but draw back.  I find the Lord saying to me to keep pressing in!

He's definitely encouraged me to take care of myself and get the rest I need - but that is different than drawing back on the learning and growing and pressing in for all He has during this time.  When I've had a hard day, I've felt Him encouraging me not to give up.  To not see a setback as irreversible.  To not see the difficulty as insurmountable.

Years ago I read a story about a family caught in a forest fire.  I went back and looked it up in my notes to refresh my memory.  They were in the path of a rapidly moving forest fire.  They jumped in their car to try and outrun it, but they quickly saw that it was impossible.  So they got out of their car and ran into the fire!  This way the fire would pass over them quickly.  They were burned, pretty badly, but they survived!  If they had kept running in front of the fire, they would have been killed.

I feel like I've needed to keep walking into the fire.  It's difficult - I feel like I have some scars from the burns......but it's not killing me.  With God's grace and help, I'm making it through the fire.  He is faithful!

Don't Rush The Process

Floyd is doing good this week.  His eyes have been clear, and he has been alert off and on.  His upper body strength is getting better too, and he tries to pull himself up quite a bit.  He still struggles with coughing up phlegm, and we continue to pray that it will ease up.

The doctor and therapists have said that they are seeing improvement, which is so encouraging! 

Two sweet friends came today and gave Floyd a haircut.  I'm so grateful for their kind service!  He was beginning to look like he was back in his hippie days. His hair was getting so long.  Now he looks dashing again! :)

In the early weeks of this unexpected journey we are on, my right thumb got caught in our security door.  I was opening the door and our dog, Sossy, was in a hurry to get through it.  She pushed on the door, and my thumb got caught in it.  It was quite painful, and my whole nail turned black.  

I'm a very "down to earth" person, and I find it's often the simple, little, every-day things in life that "speak" to me.  That has been the case with my injured thumb.  I know it can sound a little crazy, but I love how God speaks to me in simple, crazy kinds of ways. :)

It's about 4 months since my injury, and my nail is about half way grown out. Watching the slow growth, and seeing the blackness slowly disappear, has reminded me daily that healing sometimes takes time. You can't rush the process.  My nail has looked ugly - I often find people staring at it when I'm talking to them.  But there's nothing I can do about it.

I know my nail will heal.  It looks like it will take about 7 - 8 months.  And, in the meantime, it's not very pretty.  Floyd's healing isn't coming quickly, and the suffering he's going through isn't pleasant to watch.  But I'm trusting that the healing will come in God's perfect timing.  He knows how much time is needed for the process.

People keep asking me how I'm doing.  Some say they pray for me more than they pray for Floyd.  I hope not, but I'm very grateful for those prayers.  I must confess that some days I wake up wondering how I'll make it through the day.  This journey has been long, and I do get weary.  But I try to make it one-day-at-a-time, the grace has been there each day.  God has been very faithful in sustaining me.

I read a quote recently: "Sometimes, the happiest people have had the hardest lives, but they choose to be happy because they want to make a good life.  It takes a strong person to be joyful and to be kind." When this unexpected journey began, I told the Lord I wanted to keep my focus on Him - that, whatever happened, I didn't want to be angry, bitter, or motivated in a negative way by the pain.  I asked Him to help me!

In Nehemiah 8:10 it says: "the joy of the Lord is your strength."  I have certainly found that to be true!  But we sometimes miss, as one friend pointed out to me, the first part of that verse.  "Do not sorrow."  There are, of course, times for sorrow and sadness......but we can't stay there or it destroys us.  I have cried lots of tears, but then I've turned my eyes to Him for the inner joy that I need to make it through.  He has been my strength!!  His loving care has put a deep inner joy in my spirit.  How thankful I am for that joy from Him that is truly my strength each day.

I long for this journey to come to an end, and for Floyd to be healed.  But I have trust and confidence that the Lord will help me, day by day, to keep going until His plans and purposes are accomplished.  He is faithful!

Often the joy comes as we rejoice and worship Him.......as we wait in His presence for His enabling grace......as we meditate on the truth of His word and His promises to us.  Choosing to rejoice and walk in His joy before we see the breakthroughs we trust Him for takes faith.  I'm asking the Lord for that kind of faith!

I was thanking the Lord today for all the lessons He's teaching me on this unexpected journey.  The tender lessons have made this a rich time in spite of the pain.  Only God can bring sweet goodness out of bitter pain. How awesome He is!

Someone has encouraged me to bury my anxieties in His "mighty bear hug of assurance."  I thought of that today amidst all my concerns for Floyd.  I'm glad He has broad shoulders that I can lean on!

"Pile your troubles on God's shoulders - He'll carry your load, and He'll help you out.  He'll never let good people topple into ruin."  Psalm 55:22  -  The Message

May Our Valleys Be A Blessing

My journey with Floyd's illness continues to be a constant learning experience.  I've gone through seasons in my life when I've asked the Lord to expand my capacity - spiritually, emotionally, the ability to handle stress, even physically.  I remember as a young wife, being married to Floyd (who is such a visionary!), and thinking to myself - "I can't keep up with him!"  I asked the Lord to stretch me, to help me grow.  I didn't want to just trail along behind him.  I wanted to be by his side, a true "helpmate," to see those visions become a reality.

The Lord has answered that prayer many times through the years.  He has expanded my capacity.  There were times when I could almost physically feel it happening.  There were also times when I thought I was crazy to have prayed that prayer!!

But through it all, God has been faithful to answer my prayer.  The things I now live with as the "norm" would have probably "wiped out" the young, 18 year old woman I was when we married.  I didn't even know I could be stretched so much!  But God has done it.

I don't remember praying that prayer asking the Lord to stretch me recently :) But He's sure doing that on this journey!  There have been days when I've felt like a puddle on the floor from the weights, the sadness, the tears I've cried.  And then I feel the Lord picking me up, putting His strengthening hand on my back, and saying "you'll make it."  

And He's right - with His help, I'm making it.  This past Tuesday marks 21 weeks on this journey!  God has helped me day by day, moment by moment.  He's my rock!  He has been so faithful.

Someone said to me - "what we go through is to bless others."  That got me thinking.  It's hard to imagine a time like this blessing others, but God, in His goodness, can do that.  I immediately think of all the prayers being prayed - what an unleashing of blessing that is into the world!!  God is linking our hearts together through all the prayers.  God is doing something in aligning His Body with the purposes on His heart.  God is stretching our capacity to trust Him for more!  He is bringing blessing through this season!

Maybe that should be one of our prayers:  "God help us to bless others through what we are walking through."  May the prayers being lifted up pour out blessings of His love, saving grace, healing, compassion, and goodness into the hearts and lives of those around us.

God is doing something in all our hearts through the prayers being lifted up for Floyd.  He's stretching us, and He is wanting us to "bless others."  May He help us do that!

"I will bless you......and you will be a blessing."  Genesis 12:2

This week Floyd has been a little more alert each day but on Wednesday we had a very different day!  His eyes were the clearest, most focused I've seen them since this all started.  He was very engaged, listening carefully, hearing, understanding, and taking in every sound.  He was very tender, some tears in his eyes. 

He tried repeatedly to pull himself up with great effort.  I supported his back, but didn't help him.  He was quite strong, and lifted himself farther than he has before.  He finally wore himself out and went to sleep.  I was very encouraged, and had renewed hope seeing him this way! 

I’ve felt all through these months of prayer that God is wanting to do something more than just heal Floyd.  I’ve asked for prayer for the Body to come into alignment with God’s heart and purposes.  I’m sure there are other things happening in the spiritual realm that I don’t even know about.  But – we can’t stop praying for all the things God is doing through this season of focused prayer.

We’ve fought quite a few battles in prayer in the last few months.  I think we’ve done everything we know to do in spiritual warfare.  In Ephesians 6:13 it tells us “having done all else, stand.”  Through our prayers, we are “standing” on His promises, goodness, and faithfulness as we continue to lift our petitions to Him on Floyd’s behalf and for all of God’s purposes to be fulfilled.

When I am resting I have to keep my mind occupied otherwise I just go over and over all that has happened.  So I try to immerse myself in a good book!  I've been reading a novel about a coffee house in Kabul, Afghanistan.  It's been fun because I recognize every place that is mentioned (Chicken Street!), and so many of the words and phrases are familiar.  It's brought back lots of good memories of our years there......so long ago!  It's also made me think how grateful I am for the wonderful life we've had in serving the Lord!  I never dreamed when I told Floyd on our wedding day that "I'd go where he went" that he would take me all over the world!  :) God has given us a wonderful life.

Only He knows what is still ahead!  I trust Him, and I know He will continue to faithfully be with us.

Praising Him In Our Pain

In the whirlwind of the last few months of Floyd’s illness, I have not had it on my mind to post anything on our website.  Then our website was down for a while being changed and revamped.  Now that it is back up, I thought I would try to post some news about our journey once a week.

This past week Floyd has gone through days of being really awake and busy with his active left arm, and then days of being really distant and sleepy.  He has struggled with horrible phlegm off and on which is something that we are really praying will clear.

The therapists have him up in his wheelchair several days a week, and they have started putting him on the tilt table on the days when he is strong enough.  He can only manage that for very short periods as his body is not used to being vertical after all the months in bed.

There are times when Floyd seems really frustrated with his situation. With him not being able to communicate, it is very difficult to know what he is thinking and feeling.  We continue to pray that the Lord would comfort him, and give him the grace that he needs to endure this.

This week a friend told of hearing a man preach after his mother, a very godly woman, passed away.  He was thinking of the joy she must be having in heaven as she worshipped Jesus with all the saints and angels.  The Lord spoke to his heart - "you know there is praise that you can give that they can't give in heaven.  It's the praise that you offer in the midst of pain, darkness, confusion - when you can't see all that the Father is doing."

I have been offering up that kind of praise this week.  A bit hard - but He's worthy!  And I trust Him completely.  

Someone also said to me that God "has Floyd in His grasp."  I loved that visual image.  I could just see God's big hand holding my gentle giant in the palm of His hand......holding him firmly, but not too tightly - never letting him go.  I know Floyd is in good hands!!

And while he's holding Floyd in His palm - I am grateful that He is holding my hand and guiding me along.

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you."  Isaiah 41:13

I absolutely could not have made it through these months without Him holding my hand.  I've told friends that I don't know how people could go through something like this without the Lord.  And then I had the strangest thought - "I help people even when they don't ask."  And, you know, I think God does that!

When we forget to ask.  When we think we don't need to ask.  When we don't think God cares.  When we get too busy to ask.  When we're distanced from Him and think we don't have a right to ask.  When we don't even know Him.  I think He's still there holding our hand.  He loves us in all these situations.  He loves us even when we aren't close to Him.

I thought of how many families I talked to while Floyd was in ICU - many of them didn't have a relationship with God.  And a number of them told me they felt God "with" them in the time of crisis.  How big and awesome is His heart that He reaches out to us in our need even when we sometimes don't reach out to Him.  I remember thinking how great His heart was to do that.  And I prayed for these dear ones to come to know Him personally during their trial!  I was even able to pray with some of them.

I love a God who is so big hearted.  It means there will always be room for me!  And He'll never let me go!  He'll always be there holding my "right hand."  I miss holding hands with Floyd, but I'm so grateful God is there holding my hand.  What immense comfort that brings.

In my quiet times the last few days, the Lord has been focusing my thoughts on thinking and thanking.

"Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise - think about these things." Philippians 4:8

It's so easy to let my thoughts wander to things that aren't on the above list - especially when I'm tired.  When I see Floyd's suffering, I can worry. When I think about the unknown future, I can be distressed.  When I try to face all the problems at once, I can be overwhelmed.  If I'm not careful, I can accept the worry/distress/thoughts of being overwhelmed as "normal" or acceptable in this journey we're on.

But God is saying I can control those reactions by focusing my thoughts on what is true, just, pure, things worthy of praise.  I have the power to rise above these things with my thoughts!  I just need to make use of that power God has given me.

"In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you."  1 Thessalonians 5:18

There is also wonderful power in giving praise and worship to Him in every situation and circumstance - thanking Him. 

I'm trying to be careful to think and thank by His guidelines!  I know it will make my load lighter.

Contentment Does Not Mean Happiness

A friend of mine is going through a hard time. She asked if I had any thoughts to share about contentment......so it got me thinking. The Bible exhorts us to be content in whatever situation we're in. (Philippians 4:11) I asked myself what that meant for me right now......am I "content" with cancer? Can we as believers be content about something so awful? I realized I can be content without being happy about the cancer!! Contentment has to do with peace. I have felt completely surrounded with peace from the Lord in these months that I've been battling cancer......right from the first moment the doctor told me I had a large tumor. The Bible talks about the peace "that passes understanding" that can only come from God. It's not a human emotion, feeling, experience.....it's a gift and blessing from Him. I know no one could be happy about having cancer, but I'm at peace. I am content but praying for healing. Contentment is a spiritual weapon right up there with faith.

The pain, injustices, and hardships of life are only for a little while. Perfect health, fairness, and lack of difficulties will be ours to enjoy in heaven forever. God has my times and seasons on this earth in His control. Contentment in my situation is a spiritual weapon against the enemy and any of his plans. I'm not happy I have cancer, but, thanks to God's help, I think I am content in Christ. I'm grateful for that. It's definitely a gift from Him.

Update After Round Four

Dear Faithful Intercessors and Friends, When I went in last week for chemo, they said my blood work showed my numbers were too low to do the treatment. They wanted to do the blood work again that morning. I sat waiting for a couple hours and finally "passed." My neutrophils were a bit below minimum, my white cells just above.....so they let me have the treatment. The chemo has been moving along successfully, so I was hoping not to break the rhythm!

I also got some good news from the doctor! I had done a CT scan the day before. It showed a slight improvement in the right kidney we've been praying for that wasn't functioning because the large tumor had blocked it. That is encouraging news! Please keep praying for a full miracle of restoration.

I've been through hard times physically before. I can even say now that I'm grateful for them because walking through them has given me "tools" for dealing with this hard time. But I have to say that cancer is a different beast.......in a league of its own! It affects every part of the body. It impacts the mind and emotions. It touches on the heart - the spiritual realm because it's dealing with life and death. It impacts relationships - some people have a hard time dealing with it themselves so they don't know how to relate to me. It is so all consuming!

Because of the impact on every part of my life, I've sometimes felt like I'm broken into lots of pieces......and I'm just trying to keep it all together. A friend sent me the photo and definition that I've attached to this update. Kintsukuroi pottery......more beautiful and very costly for having been broken and repaired with gold or silver. As I pondered and prayed over this photo my friend sent, I heard the sweet voice of the Lord saying I would come out of this season more beautiful than before. In fact, that's what God wants to do in all our lives when we go through the difficult seasons. The hard time is not the end! God is using the difficulty to make us more like Him with His gold repair work in our lives. The piece of pottery is beautiful....more so for the gold worked into it!!

As you know, Floyd is away for 10 days. I was quite concerned about how I'd do without him. I have become so dependent on him. We're half way thru his time away. His trip has been good - we'll share news when he returns.

One day while Floyd's been away I was thanking the Lord for the sweetness of His presence. I felt I could almost touch Him - He felt so close. In that moment, I realized that "aloneness" is an illusion that the enemy tries to burden us with. I can't see the Lord, but I'm not alone. He is so with me!!! And because of Him, every moment of my life is good and meaningful.....even these chemo ones that I don't like.

AND - I've done well this round while Floyd has been away. :) Your prayers have been carrying me.....and have been answered. Thank you!

With our love & gratitude, Sally & Floyd

Cancer and Joy - Carried Over the Wall

When I was told that I had an ovarian tumor, a large almost 8 pound one, and then, subsequently, that it was malignant – my first thought was how am I going to get through the surgery and chemo treatment? It seemed like a huge, giant wall in front of me that I had no idea of how to get through or over.

Right at this time, I received an email from a dear friend in Indonesia. She was praying for me and was impressed with a picture in her mind for me. She actually drew it out for me.

The thought that kept coming to me was that Jesus would help me with the “wall” I saw in front of me. My friend’s drawing, and what she shared, was that Jesus was carrying me over a wall in this season. All I needed to do was relax, trust, and let Him carry me.  

That has been a HUGE unexpected joy, maybe more than joy, but certainly it was hope. I don’t have to work, earn, worry, do anything on my own. He is with me…I can let Jesus carry me.

And He is doing that, day by day. When I don’t think I can make it, when I am discouraged, I remember the picture of Him carrying me - and it gives me words to pray, “Lord Jesus, please carry me now.” And He does.

“The beloved of the Lord rests in safety – the beloved rests between his shoulders.” Deut. 33:12

Cancer and Joy - God's Compensations

NO ONE WANTS CANCER! But after the initial shock of discovering I have cancer, I concluded that God was with me in this journey. Consequently, I could expect God to reveal Himself to me every step of the way, in small and great ways. Cancer is something that all of us fear – dread – don’t want – think will never happen to us, especially if we’ve been good about check ups, doctor’s appointments, etc. Which I always had been! But, it can happen to any of us - as I’ve just found out. There are no guarantees in life – young, old, in between, there are things we all go through. There are days when I still think this is a bad dream, and I’m going to wake up. It’s still a challenge to say the words – “I have cancer.”

I’ve found in my life that I go through seasons, good seasons, hard seasons, seasons I wish I didn’t have to go through. I’m in that third category now: cancer and chemo-therapy.

I have moments of courage in facing this season, and I have moments of weakness in thinking, ‘How in the world am I going to get through this?’

It’s not at all the season I was planning. My husband and I live in South Africa. We were in the midst of planning an extended visit to the U.S. to see family and friends, especially looking forward to time with the grandkids! We hadn’t been back for a visit like this for 2 years.

Then suddenly, cancer.

As much as I wish I wasn’t in this season, I have to say I’m finding small joys along the way.

That includes friends praying for me. I feel very “carried” by them. And I feel enveloped in peace and comfort from the Lord.

I guess the thing that has been most surprising to me is the moments of joy I’ve experienced. I’m calling them my “unexpected joys.” Even though God has given me wonderful gifts of joy all through life, I needed to open my eyes and heart to receive that in this difficult season. Once I did that – wow! I’ve had lots of it. I see and experience joy daily. Joy didn’t disappear because I have cancer. In fact, I think I’m more aware of it because it’s such a contrast to the heaviness of cancer.

God is the wonderful, gracious giver of joy in every season we walk through. There are moments I actually don’t want joy. I just want to curl up and sleep, hoping when I wake up that it has all gone away. But there it is, intervening, waking my soul to His goodness.

I learned many years ago that even in the hardest circumstances in life, I can look for the little things God brings to show His goodness. They are what I call “God’s compensations.” In so many ways He reminds me that He is “just in all His ways and kind in all His doings.” I’m finding His compensations of joy all around me in this season of cancer. They stare me in the face every day.

I’ll be sharing my “unexpected joys” on this blog. Being able to do that brought an immediate, unexpected anticipation: what will God do next that I can share with you? In the midst of it all, the pain, the nausea, the sleepless nights, there is a small stream of hope flowing through this hard season, breathing life into me.

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”   Psalm 30:5

Cancer and Joy - The Wrap-Around Presence

One thing I certainly never thought about doing in life is the day I would walk into the chemo-therapy room - and I would be the patient. I had no idea what to expect or what would be happening to me. I had several surprises in store for me on this day that felt overwhelming.  When I was leaving home that morning, a friend met me at our gate and handed me a huge gift bag with the label “Sally’s hospital boredom gift bag.”  It contained all kinds of little items to help me get through the day. What a joy! I was so touched by her love and thoughtfulness…and it really helped: a devotional book, sweet lozenges, puzzle books to relieve the boredom, and more goodies.

When we arrived at the hospital, I quickly realized I was being treated in a world-class chemo program. Everything was very organized, very professional.

Then there was my delightful nurse, Lulu.  She patiently walked me through everything that happened to me. I’ve experienced some not so patient and not so kind nurses in my life, so Lulu was a true joy! She made me feel secure and cared for.

The steps in chemo-treatment may be mundane but they all have their place:

First. antihistamine in my bum – the right place for that!

Then a long list of IV drips, one after the other for about 6 hours:- Steroid

- Something to line the tummy - Anti-nausea - 1st chemo/2 bags – 3 hours - Saline - 2nd chemo - More saline

The chemo immediately felt “heavy” entering my body. I could feel the effect of it all the way into my legs. I had questions  because of things I was experiencing, and Lulu answered every question. She was so kind, and caring.  What a gift she was.

I was the 2nd person to arrive that day – and the last one to leave 6 hours later.

Most of the people in the chemo-treatment room were alone. That was a surprise to me. It was a comfort to have my husband, Floyd, with me. So many patients came in by themselves, looking frightened and desolate. Some of them looked like they were on death’s door already.

I read, talked with Floyd, napped a bit, snacked, pulled my IV to the bathroom. ☺ It all went by fairly quickly. Someone had sent me a verse from The Passion translation of the Bible that used the phrase “the wrap around presence” of the Lord. During the day I realized I felt that “wrap around” sweet sense of His closeness. A day I dreaded and didn’t know what to anticipate was actually okay. I wasn’t alone in it and He brought unexpected joys to me all along the way.

“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”        Deut. 31:8

News After Round 3

Hello all, Some moments have felt dark on this chemo/cancer journey I'm on. Strangely, I sense the Lord's care and peace with me continually, and yet there have been moments that feel dark because of the pain and suffering.

While praying and worshiping this morning, I realized that often the "darkness" is simply because I'm in HIS shadow!  I'm not alone, I'm not in a bad place, it's not a sinister darkness.......He's just covering me with His wings and protecting me, staying very close to me.  It gave me a whole new perspective!  I'm safe, I can relax in His shadow and trust in His care for me.  I love that!

I've been reminded that my oncologist told me each round of chemo would get harder, and I would get weaker and tireder.  I think I forgot that detail. :( Thank you for continuing to pray for me.  I definitely need it!  I'm a week past round 3 of chemo.  Round 2 was so much easier than round 1, that I think I expected (hoped?!) round 3 would be "easy" too. Not the case!  It's been rough.  Yesterday was a particularly bad day.  I was feeling low in every way.

I was encouraged with some good news I had when I went in for my chemo this time.  My cancer marker numbers are down, which means the chemo is working and doing its job!  My white cell count was slightly higher too, an answer to prayer.

In a recent update I asked you to pray with us about Floyd going to Jordan for a strategic conference with our International Leadership Team and young leaders gathering from around the world.  They will be ministering in the refugee camps among Syrians who have had to flee their country. And they will be seeking the Lord for how we're to respond and be involved in the needs in the Middle East.

We both feel a peace about Floyd going.  He'll leave shortly after my 4th round of chemo.  We asked the Dr. if I could delay that round until his return, but she said that would not be wise. Because we're seeing good results, she didn't think we should interrupt the process that's taking place.  So we're setting up a system of care for me here while Floyd is away. Thank you for praying with us!  We're so grateful!  And please, would you cover me with your prayers Sept. 25 to Oct. 5, the days Floyd is gone?   Also, please continue to pray for my right kidney to recover and start functioning.

Next week here in Cape Town is our annual staff and leadership gathering for our workers we have sent out over the last 8 years. Please pray for God's purposes to be fulfilled for our time together as we thank Him for all that's been done in the past year, and seek Him for the year ahead.

I won't be able to participate, but Floyd will be part of these meetings. One of our biggest blessings in life are the wonderful people God has brought into All Nations to work with us. Such a gift. It's always special to have these times of gathering together.

I will be focusing my energy for rebuilding my strength to get ready for round 4.  It's nice to be half way through after round 3. :)

Blessings and love,

Sally &  Floyd

Letter From Sally

Hello, I was encouraged and inspired by a story a South African friend sent to me recently. It dates back to 1902 during a war here in South Africa. Some women were sitting in the dirt in a concentration camp - hungry, discouraged, praying for the war to end. One of the ladies glanced at her open Bible and looked at Matthew 29:31:

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows."

The lady shares this verse with the other ladies, and as she does, a sparrow (called a mossie here in South Africa) came and sat on her shoulder. The ladies had their hope restored that night.

In May of that year, a peace treaty was signed to end the war. The same lady from that group of women sitting in the dirt approached the wife of the president and requested the Bible verse about the sparrows be reflected on the country's one cent coins.

From 1923 to 2002 two sparrows (mossies) were embossed on the one cent coin making South Africa the only country in the world with a Bible verse as an image on its coins.

During World War II, parents gave the one cent coin to their sons who went to war as soldiers to remind them of their value in the Lord's eyes - He knows every sparrow!

Years later, a South African lady went to the U.S. to help rehabilitate soldiers injured in the Vietnam war. She gave each soldier a one cent sparrow coin and told them the story, reminding them He cared about them and their injuries.

I've reflected often on this story during some of my hard moments. The God who knows every sparrow......and knows the numbers (or lack of them right now in my case) of every hair on my head.......is so mindful of every thing I'm walking through. I love how much He cares!!!

My next chemo is on Tues., Sept. 2. The chemo days seem to come up quickly. I find myself dreading going through it all again, and yet realizing I'll be half way through with this round. That's important for me to keep in mind.

I've had several "good" days this past week - so, so wonderful! I've tried to build up my energy and strength to get ready for the next round. I don't bounce back as quickly as I did when I was younger, and yet I feel the Lord strengthening me!

It'll be a wonderful day when I can speak of all this in the past tense. Until then, thank you for standing with Floyd and me, praying for us, encouraging us, believing with us. We are so grateful! I find myself thanking Him for caring about each sparrow......and caring for Sally. :)

With loving gratitude,

Sally & Floyd

Sally's Update

Dear Praying Friends, You've been praying.......there have been answers!!  My white blood cells went from dangerously low to almost normal in 2 weeks.  That was pretty amazing, and a wonderful answer to prayer!  I couldn't have continued my treatment without that.

With my 2nd chemo treatment, I'm now a third of the way through.  That seems much less daunting than thinking of how much is left. :)  The side effects from the 2nd round seemed easier......definitely an answer to prayer.  I can imagine the "shock" of all that chemo going in the first time must have been a jolt to the body.  They adjusted my anti-nausea and sleeping meds., which has been a big help.  I've had more pain this time, but less of other symptoms.

My lovely photo quilt that I mentioned in the last update (from our daughter, son-in-law and grandkids) was oohed and aahed over in the chemo room!  It was so special.  I felt surrounded by love. Lots of the patients and nurses were so touched by the thoughtfulness of it from family so far away.  I've attached a photo below of being "hugged" by family during my chemo treatment.

I also have a new look......the bald look.  It's been an adjustment.  I was prepared mentally, but the emotions really hit me when I kept looking in the mirror.  You can see my new look below too.  I waited a few days to share the look because I didn't want to get my computer wet while I was typing about it. :(  I'm not quite sure why some people choose this look - it feels so much more vulnerable!  But I have been told I have a nice shaped head!  :) I'd have never known!!

We've been having a mild winter with lots of sunny days.  I know it's not just for me, but it feels like a "gift."  I just seem to feel better when the sun shines!  A number of people have told me they've prayed for that.

Some new prayer points:

-  We're working with the airlines canceling all our tickets for our planned travel of the next few months. Please pray with us for favor for that.  Some are easier to work with than others!  Please pray that we won't lose too much on all the cancellation fees.

-  Please pray for the evenings for me.  They seem to be the hardest.  I'm not sure if it's because I'm tired and my energy is low, but that seems to be when some of the worst side effects hit.  I also feel vulnerable emotionally at night.

While I'm going through this personal story, the ministry side continues on.  We send a new team to Jordan this week to work with the refugees. We have an important leadership meeting coming up there in Sept. too. I'd love for Floyd to still go.  Please pray for wisdom in deciding about that.

Many of you write to ask how I'm doing.  I'm so touched by that.  But please know, too, that I'm trying to not bombard you with too many emails. I know this is a long season!  I have months to go in treatment.  If you'd prefer not to receive emails, please let me know.  I understand!!!  I'm trying to send "breaking" news, but not over do it.

I have come to a new appreciation of the fellowship and prayers of the saints in these days.  Family, friends, prayer partners - more precious than gold!  Thank you for loving us and standing with us in this season. With love and gratitude, Sally & Floyd Ps. 18:18  "They confronted me in the day of my calamity; but the Lord was my support.  He brought me out into a broad place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me."

I'm looking forward to that "broad place" He has for us in the future.  He's so faithful to bring good from hard times!

One Down - Five to Go

Dear Praying Friends,

1 down and 5 to go. :) My first day of chemo treatment went as well as I could have hoped for. I felt enveloped in God's peace and care all through the day. On the way there, I told Floyd that my body was a little nervous, but my heart was at peace. I felt carried by the prayers of friends.

There were little unexpected joys through the day. As we left our house, a friend was waiting at our gate with a gift bag of "survival" items for my day. It was so loving and thoughtful. Both Floyd and I were blessed as we opened the gifts all through the day.

The staff at the chemo center were very kind, but just the explanations of stuff they tell you scares you to death! It was a 6 hour treatment day. I was the 2nd to arrive, and the last to leave. Future days will be longer. They prepared me that this was my "easiest" chemo day - it will get harder. They were caring, positive, encouraging, but very realistic. The health care here in South Africa has been excellent. They gave me a good balance of encouragement and reality. I want to know what to expect so I can prepare myself for it.

The long day of treatment passed by quickly, and soon we were headed home. I was exhausted, but was glad to have one treatment finished. Thankfully, there was NO nausea - my biggest prayer request. I think I can handle all the other stuff more easily if I'm not nauseated. The drip they gave me for nausea will wear off today, so please continue to pray that there will be no nausea.

I've had lots of side effects in the last 48 hours, but I'm doing well. I've had ongoing knife like pain in my abdomen. I'm trusting that means there's lots of "killing" of cancer cells going on! That's what needs to happen.

One big prayer request - they told me the treatment can affect the kidneys. They will be testing to monitor that. I now have only the 1 functioning kidney. Please pray for protection for it......and continue to pray for a kidney miracle of the other one starting to function again.

The day before my treatment I went to our All Nations family staff meeting where everyone prayed for me. Very precious! I continually think of how grateful I am for all the prayer support.

One joy for me in the day is that Floyd is with me. It was very sad seeing all the people at the chemo center who were alone. Many of them. Lots of "stories" I'm sure. One young man looked like he was barely alive. I am so thankful to be surrounded by the love of family and friends. Thank you for being part of that.

Another unexpected joy was Lulu, the nurse who assisted me throughout my treatment. She was professional, caring and attentive.

Thank you for caring for Floyd and me during this time. We are so touched by your messages and your love.

Blessings,

Sally & Floyd