The Bitter and the Sweet

Happy New Year to you!  My prayer is that it will be filled with God's goodness and closeness to you.  I look forward to what God has for us in this year.

As we came to the new year, I reflected on the year gone by.  Thinking through month by month, it was so clear that God was with me.  The first 7 months were pretty rough, and then I turned a corner and started gaining health and strength.  I have so much to be thankful for.

I saw a notice that said "a contented person has learned to accept the bitter with the sweet."  My prayer is that I will be "content" this year - whatever comes my way.  I'm trusting for God's help and grace day by day.

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:12,13

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you."  Isaiah 43:2

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38,39

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  Psalm 143:8

God is so faithful to help us, to cover us, to protect us, to guide us, and to never/ever forsake us!  I have fresh hope and confidence as I enter this new year.

His Indescribable Gift

All through this Christmas season, I've been meditating on the fact that "Jesus came."  He didn't have to!  He didn't have to become human.  He didn't have to be followed and hunted.  He didn't have to be taunted and ridiculed.  He didn't have to constantly be on the move for His and the disciples safety.  He didn't have to suffer the horrible cruelty of the cross.  But HE DID!!!  

Jesus came and went through all those things for us.  2 Corinthians 9:15 calls it God's "indescribable gift."  It is certainly a gift that begs description and understanding.  Why would God love us so much to send His Son to go through all He did?  We are certainly not worthy!  And yet God sent Jesus - and Jesus came.  I am so very grateful.  Thank you Jesus for coming.  I honor and celebrate you in this Christmas season.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son."  John 3:16

I wish you all a very wonderful, Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year.  I'm so grateful that Emmanuel is with us all!

Remembering My Gifts

In this season of giving gifts, I've been meditating on all the wonderful gifts I've been given by the Lord.  I read a devotional thought entitled "remember when."  The idea was to think of times when something special happened, when God answered a prayer, or when God directed us in important decisions.  I started making a list - and realized it could go on for pages and pages.  Oh my - so many wonderful gifts from the Lord!  If I boxed them up one by one to put under the tree - they would take up the whole room!!  God has been so good to me - way back to when I was a little girl.

There were so many "remember when" times that God met me during the years that Floyd was sick.  I could not have survived those years without God's love, grace, strength, wisdom, and encouragement.  I had so many decisions to make that were overwhelming.  And just going to the hospital to be with Floyd time after time for years was like climbing Mount Everest.  And yet, each and every time I needed help - God met me.  How wonderful He was to me.

And there have been at least two times, probably more, that God saved my life.  I was going through massive cancer treatment during the same years that I was overseeing Floyd's care.  Honestly - I don't know how I survived all that.  But God!!!  He carried me even when I wasn't aware of how much He was carrying me.  It was usually only later - long after the events - that I realized how much God had helped me.  The fact that I'm here to write about this is incredible.  God has been faithful beyond measure to me.

This Christmas I am celebrating all these "gifts."  There are so many "remember when" testimonies of God's marvelous help and grace.  I'm so grateful!

"The Lord is good.  A stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him."  Nahum 1:7

"The Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in Him."  Psalm 32:10

"The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy."  Psalm 126:3

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

In this season of gifts - I found it life giving to take a few minutes to remember and thank the Lord for His many, many gifts to me.  He's the ultimate giver.

Maybe you'd like to join me in taking time to "remember when" God has met you in special ways - with comfort, with wisdom and guidance, with provision, with healing, with sweet friendship, with encouragement - the list is endless.  I'm sure you have received many precious gifts from Him too  What a wonderful God He is!

With Me in All Things

I've had a couple unusual things happen recently.  I had a "moment,"  truly just a moment, when I was hit smack dab in the face with grief!  It came out of nowhere and just consumed me.  I'm sure it's partially because of all the tender, sentimental things in this Christmas season that remind me of Floyd.  It honestly took my breath away when it hit my heart so hard.  I sat down and started praying - and so very sweetly - it washed away as quickly as it had come.  My prayer turned to worship as I thanked the Lord for lifting the sorrow from my heart.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."  Matthew 5:4 

"Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows."  Isaiah 53:4 

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

On a different note, I woke up one morning excited about the day.  That's unusual for me.  I normally wake up and just do what has to be done that day.  But this particular morning I was truly excited as I began my day.  Nothing special was happening, but there was a distinct excitement and joy as I got out of bed.  I'm hoping that continues!  Sometimes I feel like I'm just plodding through my day - I like the excitement more. :)

"Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."  Nehemiah 8:10

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him."  Romans 15:13

"This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it."  Psalm 118:24

I've read enough about the season I'm in to know that both experiences are "normal."  But they were different enough to catch my attention.  I'm so grateful that the Lord is with us in whatever we go through.  I try to glean the lessons He has for me as I walk through this time in my life.  He has been so faithful to me!

Gentle Whispers

The Christmas season when we celebrate the birth of Christ is such a special season!  But it can also be an incredibly busy season with all the Christmas festivities.  We need to be careful that we don't miss the "gentle whispers" of the Lord during the busy time.  I've found over the years that during this special season He loves to speak wonderful things into our hearts.  I'm trying to listen carefully.

"After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  And after the fire came a gentle whisper."  1 Kings 19:12

When someone whispers to you, you have to be very close to hear.  We have to be close and stay in tune to God to hear His "gentle whispers."  He has some beautiful things He wants to whisper into our hearts.

I pray that you'll hear many "gentle whispers" during this Christmas season.  I'm so very thankful that Jesus came!

The Manger and The Cross

It seems that the Lord keeps speaking to me through songs.  I woke up one morning with the words to a song going through my head.  I hadn't heard the song in years, but it was very clearly on a repeat loop in my head.  I began to ask the Lord why He brought it to my mind.

I believe in a hill called Mount Calvary
I believe whatever the cost
And when time has surrendered
And earth is no more
I'll still cling to the old rugged cross.

I realized we are in a time of change.  There are wars and rumors of wars.  There are institutions that have stood for decades, some for a hundred years or more, that are crumbling.  Things we have counted on are no more.  Things that have made us feel safe and secure are falling away.

I live in a country that is changing at every level.  People are nervous about the future. 

But one thing is strong and as sure as it's ever been - that wonderful old rugged cross.  It wasn't something we'd call "pretty," but it is awesomely beautiful in what it stands for in our lives.  It is what gives us life because our dear Savior died on that cross.

In this season when we are celebrating the birth of Christ - and thinking of him being born in a stable and laid in a manger......it's important to remember how the story ends.  The baby grew up and died for our sins.  I'm so grateful that Jesus came - and even more grateful that He gave His life for me, for us.  Thank you Jesus.

"You shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins."  Matthew 1:21

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son."  John 3:16

"The message of the cross is hidden in the message of the cradle."  anonymous

Thank you, Jesus, for the manger and the cross.  I worship you for both during this Christmas season.

When the Time Comes

This year has flown by!  We're into Dec., and Christmas is just around the corner.  I love Christmas.  It's always been my favorite time of the year, and I have so many special Christmas memories.  I especially love a beautiful Christmas tree.

During the years that Floyd was sick, I only did my tree once - the Christmas that my grandkids came to visit.  I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to do my tree this year.  It's a lot of work, and it's very tender.  But, I finally decided to do it.  

One of my friends said she thought that was an indication that my heart is healing.  I think she's right.  I took my time, and found that with many of the ornaments it brought back sweet, special memories.  It wasn't hard.  It wasn't painful.  It was lovely.  I actually put my tree up a couple weeks ago so I could enjoy it longer.  Sitting beside it with all the twinkly lights has been so special.  And my heart IS healing!  There were so many painful things from the years that Floyd was sick, but the Spirit is slowly, gently cleansing them from my heart and mind.

There was a dear friend who was so helpful during the years Floyd was sick.  He and his wife visited Floyd 2-3 times a week for all those years - spending quality time with him and praying for him.  He also helped me with lots of problems I faced during those hard times.  After Floyd passed away I gave him a devotional book by Max Lucado that Floyd used all the time.  It was a favorite of his.

In the WHOLE book, there is only one page that had some things underlined.  It's called "when the time comes."  It says things you think you can't face - then says you can "when the time comes."  It says "the key is this:  Meet today's problems with today's strength.  Don't start tackling tomorrow's problems until tomorrow.  You do not have tomorrow's strength yet.  You simply have enough for today."

Oh how I wish I knew what that meant to him.  I often prayed for him that God would give him sufficient strength and grace for all he was going through.  I know God's goodness and faithfulness, so I believe "when the time came" God met him and helped him.  And finding that one page underlined in the book spoke to our friend and to me that God would help us "when the time comes" for everything we face!

"God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."  Matthew 6:34 The Message

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  2 Corinthians 12:9

God has met me time and time again - when the time came!  I am so grateful.  And I'm enjoying my beautiful Christmas tree with memories of our 54 years together.

With Me in the Dark of Night

I haven't slept well the last few nights, but something interesting happened.  Every time I woke up, the words to the "blessing" in Numbers 6:24-26 were going through my mind.

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace."

There's a song with these words - and it was actually the song going through my mind.  What was striking was that it was immediately in my mind each time I woke up.  It gave me a sweet sense of comfort that the Lord was right with me in the dark of night when I kept waking up, and He was blessing me.  It's a bit hard to describe, but it was very precious and meaningful.

It reminded me of something I read recently.  A young couple were going through a difficult time financially.  In fact, they had to move out of their home in the new year.  But they didn't want their circumstances to spoil the joy of Christmas, so they decided to throw a party and invite all their friends.

When their guests arrived they saw a tree decorated with small rolled-up pieces of paper tied to the limbs with ribbon.  The couple explained that in the midst of their difficulty they wanted to thank the Lord for all the blessings in their lives - so they decided to do a "blessing tree."  Such a great idea.  I may do it sometime. 

Whatever I'm facing, I think of the "blessing" from the book of Numbers.....and all the blessings He has given me.  I'm so grateful! 

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."  James 1:17

"I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul."  3 John 1:2

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:7

"May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed."  Psalm 20:4

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans."  Proverbs 16:3

Whatever comes my way, I am blessed!  The middle of the night reassurances of that have been so special!

Joy Unspeakable

I've had a few rough days recently.  I never know what's ahead, so when it's a hard day I have to be careful to protect my heart and live above the circumstances.  It's so important not to let my health challenges drag me down emotionally and spiritually.

A friend recently learned of some big health issues.  She said "I didn't sign up for a character building course, but I'm enrolled anyway."  I chuckled, and thought how I could so relate.

I continually ask the Lord to fill me with His joy, and to protect my mind from negative thoughts. If I find my mind drifting to doom and gloom because of my situation....I stop myself and begin to speak out God's goodness and faithfulness.  It shifts my focus immediately, and gets my thoughts and my emotions back to the place of having the "joy of the Lord" in my heart.

Besides our own individual situations, there are so many difficult and discouraging things happening in our world.  It's easy to come under the heaviness of these things and become despairing.  But if we become hopeless and defeated, the enemy wins.  We have to keep our eyes on Jesus, pray for the difficult situations, speak out God's goodness and faithfulness, and keep hope alive in our hearts for all God wants to do.  He rules over all!

"A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones."  Proverbs 17:22

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."  Romans 12:2

"Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."  Matthew 6:10

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you."  Ephesians 1:18 

"He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord."  Psalm 112:7

Through the past challenging years when I have walked through some of the hardest things, I've found that it is possible to have "joy unspeakable" as I allow the Holy Spirit to fill my heart and mind.  I couldn't have survived if I had come under the cloud of all that was happening.  But His power, grace, and strength helped me rise above those things and walk in His light and presence.  He is so incredibly good!

Thanksgiving

"Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name."  Psalm 100:4

This Thursday is the Thanksgiving holiday in the U.S.  It was always one of my favorite holidays - especially as we shared what we were thankful for as we sat around the table.  I miss the turkey, dressing, and pumpkin pie - but most of all I miss family and sharing thankfulness. 

My mind has been reeling with all the things I'm thankful for.  The list is endless because God has been so good to me.  Even as I lift up current needs to Him, I can't help but think of all the answers to prayer in recent years.  I am thankful, thankful, thankful!!

"Give thanks in all circumstances."  1 Thessalonians 5:18 

"I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."  Psalm 9:1

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.  His love endures forever."  Psalm 136:1 

"It is good to give thanks to the Lord.  Psalm 92:1a

"Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all His benefits."  Psalm 103:2

Someone said "Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind."  My heart is full to overflowing with gratitude!!

The Faithfulness of God

I've been working on a "project" to sort through one of Floyd's email accounts - to file, delete, archive, etc.  As I've been doing that, it's like going through our history for everything that has happened in our life for years and years.  It's been fascinating to "relive" all the events - many that I've forgotten about.  Through it all, there are two dominant thoughts running through my mind.

The first is - change.  Oh my goodness - sooo many things have changed.  In fact, almost everything in our lives has changed.  I definitely had forgotten some things.  As I sorted through the emails, my mind was flooded with memories of all that has happened and changed. 

The second thought is - God's faithfulness.  I'm sure that doesn't surprise you.  Over and over there was a need, a problem, something that had to be sorted out......and then the emails of God's provision and answers.  Sometimes the situation seemed impossible - and then the solutions came.  I found myself stopping to worship the Lord over and over again.  He has been so faithful!

I have to admit that I hadn't been excited about this project.  I kinda drug my feet in getting to work on it.  But now I look forward to each block of time I've set aside to work on it because I get to relive God's goodness and faithfulness!  It's never ending.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22,23

"Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds."  Psalm 36:5 

"If we are faithless, He remains faithful - for He cannot deny Himself."  2 Timothy 2:13

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6

"For nothing is impossible with God."  Luke 1:37

It's clear that some things we experienced, some needs we had, seemed like "too much."  I wasn't sure how we'd get through it.  But God met us time and time again.  I'm humbled as I journey though these emails to see God's goodness and faithfulness.  All I can do is praise Him!

At the Top of My List

I am just naturally a detailed, organized person.  It's a "gift" I've had for as long as I can remember.  My brain just thinks that way.  Sometimes it drove my family crazy, but mostly they appreciated it. :)

Because of being that way, I always have a list.  But my list is usually longer than my day or my allotted time.  I tend to overestimate what I can get done.  There always seem to be delays and complications.

But, for me, one daily goal must always be accomplished - being in touch with Jesus.  Even if nothing gets done on the list, I absolutely must be in communication with Him.  

Staying in touch with Jesus has carried me through the years of Floyd's illness, his passing, and my ongoing battle with cancer.  Even if it was just whispered prayers as I went through a hard day, talking to the Lord carried me through the day.  As I spoke to Him continually, it allowed me to feel His presence with me - knowing I was never alone.  My walk with the Lord has always been a precious friendship - and that friendship has been my lifeline in these hard years.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."  Psalm 19:14

"The Lord is near to all who call on Him."  Psalm 145:18

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment."  Matthew 22:37,38

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

"He shall not be afraid of evil tidings; his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord."  Psalm 112:7

"There are many plans in a man's heart, nevertheless the Lord's counsel - that will stand."  Proverbs 19:21

"Come near to God and He will come near to you."  James 4:8

I've sometimes wished I could just walk in the garden with the Lord like Adam & Eve did before the fall.  It sounds so beautiful.  But as I've been writing this, scene after scene has come flashing through my mind - times when I whispered prayers and God met me.  In ICU with Floyd, many times by his beside, going through surgeries and chemo for my treatment, being home alone, being isolated during Covid.....the list/scenes go on.  I'm crying as I think of all the many wonderful times when God met me as I talked with Him.  He has been so faithful!

That's why talking with the Lord is ALWAYS at the top of my list!!

There is Always Room

One day while praying and talking to the Lord, I had a picture in my mind of a long wooden table with wooden benches around it.  The table was set with pretty dishes.  Colorful flowers were arranged all the way down the middle of the table.  Every spot on the table was overflowing with bowls, platters, and baskets of food.  It all seemed to be outdoors in a small meadow set among beautiful trees. 

The table was full - people sitting tightly side by side on the benches.  They were chatting and laughing and getting ready to say grace before eating the bountiful meal spread before them. Then out of the trees ran another person apologizing for being late.  There didn't seem to be room for one more, but the man at the head of the table said "make room."  We always have room for one more.  And unbelievably, there was room.  The person squeezed in.

As the people prayed for the meal, the man at the head spoke again.  He said it's time to get back to the table.  We may be surrounded by enemies, but they are powerless.  Our strength is in being at the table together.  Whether we are alone or with family.  If we are strong, healthy, and happy - or if we are weak, sick, and sad - being at the table meets our needs and allows us to soak in the goodness and presence of the Lord.  There is always a place for us at the table, and there is "food" to help us in whatever we are facing.

In this mental picture, I sensed a fresh invitation to sit at the table!  There was room for me, and there was food to nourish me.  I have been choosing daily to sit at that table!  In Luke 14 Jesus shares the parable of the man who gave a lavish banquet, but everyone had an excuse for not attending.  I don't want to be like them.  I want to put everything else aside and sit at that table! 

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows."  Psalm 23:5

"He brought me to the banqueting house, and His banner over me was love."  Song of Solomon 2:4

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him."  Psalm 34:8

The menu on the table the Lord has invited us to is love, grace, healing, peace, provision, comfort, and strength.  It's a rich meal filled with His blessing.  For whatever loss or grief we are feeling, He has healing oil to share with us.  He knows what nourishment we need, and He has prepared a banqueting table for us.  He invites us to come and dine with Him.  It's time to take our place at the table for whatever need we have. There's room for all of us.  And our faithful God has just the right food for us.

My Strong Tower

It amazes me how you can read from something for years - and suddenly find a verse you've never noticed.  I'm speaking of the Bible of course.  Someone shared a verse with me that I've never taken note of.  "The Lord tears down the house of the proud, but He protects the property of widows."  Proverbs 15:25

The Lord certainly protected me with the intruder recently.  And the verse has given me fresh confidence for the future.  I watched the Celebration of Life/memorial services of 2 friends recently.  Both left widows.  I'm glad that the Lord is watching over all of us and protecting us and our properties. 

Because Floyd was in the hospital for 5+ years before he passed away, I was used to being alone and on my own.  So it surprised me how much more alone I felt when he passed away.  I didn't expect that it would be such a big difference - but it was.  I leaned into the Lord in a new, deeper way in asking Him to be my husband.  He has been faithful to surround me with His comfort and presence.  And now I have this lovely verse from Proverbs about His protection!

I hope any widows reading this will be encouraged that God is watching over you too.

"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him."  Psalm 34:7

"You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble."  Psalm 32:7 

"The Lord is faithful.  He will establish you and guard you."  2 Thessalonians 3:3

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe."  Proverbs 18:10

I particularly like that last verse.  Years ago we used to sing a song taken from that verse.  At times when I've felt vulnerable, I've pictured myself running into a strong tower and feeling safe with the army of the Lord protecting me and angels surrounding me.

Waiting

I had an alarming wakeup on Sunday morning - a little before 6 a.m.  I was soundly asleep when my security alarm went off.  As I woke up, I heard some noise - and a few minutes later my neighbor called me.  I had an intruder on my property!!!  It was quite an adrenaline rush.  Thankfully he wasn't targeting my property.  He was trying to escape the security men that were after him.  He hid one street over on someone's property for 3 hours, but then they found him.  He's a known criminal, so he's off to jail.  I had to go to the police station to file a report, so I've had time to think about all that happened. 

The predominant thought I've had is that the Lord protected me.  No harm to me or my property, nothing taken, my neighbor was watching out for me, it's all captured on camera.....the only thing was the massive adrenaline rush.  It took a while for my body to calm down! 

This episode has reminded me of how wonderfully good and faithful the Lord has been to me.  I often speak/pray out all the ways He's helped me.

He is my Rock.

He's definitely my Protector.

He's my Strength day by day.

He's my Companion, my husband.

He's my Comfort, especially on lonely days.

He's my Provider, of my every need.

He's my Counselor, my source of wisdom.

He gives me sufficient Grace for each day.

He's my Healer.

He is the Refuge I seek.

He is the Strong Tower I run to.

He is continually Near to me.

He's my Help for everything I face.

He is my Joy, which brings strength.

He is my Hope, for each new day.

He is the Power I need in my weakness.

And the list goes on and on and on!  It's truly endless in His provision for me/us.

Since Floyd became ill, and then when he passed away - I think I rely more on the Lord than I ever did before.  I don't have a husband anymore to help me through things.  That presses me into the Lord much more powerfully.  And He has been more than enough for everything I've faced.  I am so very grateful for His goodness and faithfulness.  I don't feel alone.  I feel surrounded by God's loving care in whatever I need.

"Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."  Psalm 62:8

"Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe."  Proverbs 29:25

"Your Maker is your husband.  The Lord of hosts is His name."  Isaiah 54:5

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  2 Corinthians 12:9

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

"My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:19 

"I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

I have faced many difficult things in these past years - and even now.  But I lack for nothing because God has been faithfully with me each step of the way.  I don't have sufficient words to say how very, very grateful I am.  He is so good and faithful.

Waiting.  It's one of the hardest things in life to do.  From the smallest, most mundane things to the biggest life changing things - waiting is hard.  We can make all the right choices and responses, but it doesn't make waiting any easier.  It doesn't speed up the process.  It doesn't relieve the pressure.  Waiting is simply that - waiting.  And it isn't easy.

I've done a lot of waiting in the last 9+ years.  In fact, it seems like that's all I've done.  Wait for one thing after another.  Wait for answers.  Wait for change.  Wait for understanding.  I've gotten tired of waiting.  I've gotten frustrated with waiting.  I've battled to keep hope alive while waiting.  But - I've waited!  And waited!

Waiting involves patience.  Without it you can't keep waiting.  You have to take a deep breath, even sigh a little bit, and be patient.  You can't fight the waiting - it is what it is, so you must be patient. 

Waiting also involves trust.  Without trust there's no basis for the waiting - and the hope.  Trust has to be the foundation for our waiting.  Trust that God sees our situation, that He is at work in it, and that He has answers.  Trust that He has a plan.  Trust that He will help us wait.  Trust that He won't give us more than we can bear.  Trust that He will be faithful to us while we wait.  And continuing to trust if the answer comes and it wasn't what we thought it would be!

In this world of instant everything - waiting almost seems like it should be a thing of the past.  But God doesn't see it that way.  He has plans and purposes for our waiting.  The prayers we have prayed hundreds of times.  The promises we hold close to our hearts wondering when they will be fulfilled.  He has heard every prayer, and His promises are sure and true.  But we usually have to wait for the answers.  Waiting is one of the ways God works in our lives.  He doesn't see it as wasted time.  He uses it to draw us close to Him. 

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart.  Wait, I say, on the Lord!  Psalm 27:14

"The Lord is good to those who wait for Him."  Lamentations 3:25 

"Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you.  For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him."  Isaiah 30:18

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope."  Psalm 130:5 

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him."  Psalm 62:5

"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation.  My God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

While I don't like the waiting, I do my best to wait patiently.  And I tell the Lord daily that I trust Him.  I also ask Him to help me to wait and not create answers that are mine and not His.  He is good and faithful.  In His timing, the waiting will be over.

Walking in Joy and Hope

Overall, these days I am doing pretty well.  I'm grateful for that.  I still have up and down days energy wise.  I try to listen to my body, and adjust accordingly while still trying to keep going faithfully on the things I need to do.  But recently I realized that I have somewhat of a "plodding" attitude.  I'm missing the "joy" that I need.  I felt convicted of that, and I'm working on change.  I can't just plod - I need to walk in joy.

For me it begins with the time I spend with the Lord each morning.  Joy is rooted in who God is.  It's not based on how I feel or on my circumstances.  I need to receive His joy daily before I move on to the tasks.  When I'm careful to do that, the tasks become easier and I'm not "plodding."  It sounds so simple, and yet I've found I need to be purposeful in this!

"The joy of the Lord is my strength."  Nehemiah 8:10

"Everything seems to go wrong when you feel weak and depressed.  But when you choose to be cheerful, every day will bring you more and more joy and fullness."  Proverbs 15:15 TPT

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  Romans 15:13

"Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full."  John 16:24 

"A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."  Proverbs 17:22

Joy is a common theme all through the Bible.  It's clear that the Lord wants us to walk in joy no matter what we're facing.  I'm embracing that afresh!

A friend sent me a prayer this week.  It was written by George Matheson (1842-1906), a blind man who was a pastor and hymn writer.  It is incredibly powerful.  I wanted to share it with you.

"Dear Lord, You have made waiting beautiful and patience divine.  You have taught us that your will should be accepted, simply because it is your will.  You have revealed to us that a person may see nothing but sorrow in his cup yet still be willing to drink it because of a conviction that your eyes see farther than his own.  Father, give me Your divine power - the power of Gethsemane.  Give me the strength to wait for hope - to look through the window when there are no stars.  Even when my joy is gone, give me the strength to stand victoriously in the darkest night and say, 'To my heavenly Father, the sun still shines.'  I have reached the point of greatest strength once I have learned to wait for hope." 

I can't begin to imagine what this prayer meant to this dear man all those years ago, but it stirred my deepest heart as I read it.  Quite honestly, it's almost too much to pray all at once.  I've been praying it phrase by phrase - and will keep doing so.  There are a number of things I am waiting for in hope.  This prayer gives perspective to that wait.  It points out that waiting can be beautiful.  I don't usually see it that way! 

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  Romans 15:13 

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

In our darkest time - whatever that might be - the sun of God's love and grace still shines.  There is hope!  There are answers to prayers coming.  There is abundant strength for what we are facing.  There is new joy when it seems we have been robbed of joy.  There are plans God has for us that we can't yet see.  He has a future for us that we may not have planned.  He is good and faithful - and He wants to birth hope afresh in our hearts.

Peace and Joy from Within

This is a special month for me.  It marks 17 years since we moved to South Africa to pioneer yet once again!  I have to admit that I was filled with some fear and trepidation to be starting all over at 58 and 61 years of age.  It was just the 2 of us, no team yet, and very little financial support.  I wondered if we were a little bit crazy - but it's not the first time I've wondered that in our unusual life of ministry.  :)

The 17 years have flown by!  They've been filled with some miracles, lots of wonderful people, daily provision - and some very hard things too.  I often refer to it as a roller coaster.  The last 9+ years have been especially challenging with Floyd's illness, my cancer battle, some difficult ministry situations, and Floyd going to be with Jesus after years of suffering.  On the other side of the world, several family members have gone through very difficult things.

And yet - as I look back, as I come to the 17 year mark this month......my heart is filled with gratitude at God's goodness.  The hard things are still there in my memory, but they are overshadowed in light of God's goodness and faithfulness!  He has been so very good to me - day by day - hour by hour!  I couldn't have made it without Him.

We had many promises from the Lord in coming here.  There were some prophetic words about what God had planned.  I've often wondered if the enemy hasn't been trying to destroy what God had ordained.  The enemy won't win - all he can do is slow things down a bit.  God will be victorious.  I still cling to those words and promises!

I've been thinking about an illustration Floyd used in preaching.  There are times when God stretches us and has us go "out on a limb" with Him.  It can be scary.  Things happen and we can feel the limb shaking.  We look down and the ground seems further and further away.  We're tempted to run back to the safety of the tree instead of being out on that limb.  We can see the enemy trying to cut off the limb so we'll fall.  But if we stay put, trusting the Lord, and obeying His direction - the Lord will keep us safe and the tree will fall on the enemy!!  It was always such a powerful visual image when Floyd spoke that illustration.  I can hear his words and see the image afresh!

At heart, I'm not a risk taker.  But I am willing to obey the Lord in challenges He brings my way.  I'm willing to step out of my comfort zone in obedience.  I've felt out on a limb quite a few times in these past 17 years.  But I haven't fallen.  God has kept me safe on the limb, holding my hand, and taking care of me!  Where God has called me, being on that limb is the safest place to be!!

"If the Lord delights in a man's way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand."  Psalm 37:23,24 

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43:18,19

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28 NIV

"But thanks be to God!  He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ"  1 Corinthians 15:57

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

17 is one of my favorite numbers, so I'm celebrating my 17 years here!  It's a miracle on several levels that I'm here.  My heart is filled with gratefulness and worship.  I am blessed! 

Amidst the miracles and gratitude though, it can be hard to find our own individual sense of peace and happiness with so much happening in our world these days.  It's so unsettling and grievous. 

I read about a young woman who had been crippled with polio from a young age.  She said that, in her experience, she had found suffering and pain to be great character builders.  The suffering isn't good in itself, but it helps us shift our expectation of happiness from without to searching for it from within.

That has definitely been my experience in the trials of recent years.  My sense of peace, my stability, my happiness has come from within - from my personal walk with the Lord.  The path of trust and obedience kept me centered and at peace.  Time and time again when something new was "thrown" at me, I immediately went to the Lord.  

Sometimes it meant offering up a silent prayer while I sat in the doctor's office.  Other times it meant sitting with tears pouring down my face as I cried out to the Lord.  Often it meant sitting by Floyd's bed and praying "with" him as I spoke out our needs.  Many times it meant singing and praying everything out to the Lord as I did my daily walk on my deck.  And, of course, I asked for the prayers of others through the updates that I send out weekly.  It seems unbelievable now, but for about 18 months I wrote those updates daily - that's how "severe" my need was for the Lord's help.  The "outward" circumstances were crushing - but God met me over and over again in my "inner" being.  Oh how good and faithful He's been.

Peace, stability, and happiness aren't found by pursuing them.  They are found by pursuing an ever-closer-and-closer walk with the Lord.  He gives peace and happiness that no person or thing can give.

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!"  Psalm 34:8

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the Lord your God."  Isaiah 43:1-3

I have walked through some waters, passed through rivers, and been in flames all around me - but God has led me, protected me, and covered me with His peace.  In the midst of many, many hard things - my heart has been filled with joy, with happiness even, because of His love and grace.  There aren't even enough words to express how thankful I am!

Peace Washes Over Me

I was recently reflecting on all the wonderful ways the Lord has been with me the last 9+ years.  It's a long list of His faithfulness and provision for everything I have faced.  As I thought back to different situations and experiences, one thing kept coming over and over to my mind - the incredible blessing of His peace no matter what I was facing!

I can't even begin to count the times I stood at Floyd's bedside feeling sad and overwhelmed.  I knew he was suffering, and there was little I could do to help relieve that suffering.  I would call out to God to help Floyd and help me.  And, time and time again, His gentle peace washed over me.  I would leave feeling strengthened by that peace - and confident Floyd had felt it too.

I also remembered times when I was going through treatment for my cancer - so often weak and weary from the impact of that treatment on my body.  One time in particular I was so frail that I didn't think I would survive.  As I lay in bed I told the Lord I trusted Him, and asked for His grace to help me with whatever happened.  I had a physical sensation of His peace washing over me, covering me, and strengthening me.  It was like a warm wave flowing over my whole body.

There have been so many "impossible" things I've faced....but over and over I've felt engulfed in His peace as He showed me the way forward in each situation.

I am facing some challenging and stressful things at the moment.  One morning I woke up after a good night of sleep - but I felt tense and stressed.  I think my mind must have been processing things as I slept!  I immediately turned to the Lord and asked for His peace to fill my mind, heart, and body.  As I prayed, I felt that wave of peace covering me once again.  I started singing this old song:

"When peace like a river, attendeth my way

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say

It is well, it is well, with me soul."

We are living in days when the world needs peace!  A war in the Middle East, a war in Ukraine, and so much ugliness being spoken out.  May God help us - and give us peace. 

As I think about these times of being met by His peace, my heart is full of gratitude that we serve a prayer answering God.  I don't know how I'd manage if I couldn't lift up my requests to Him.  Being able to share my needs with the Lord lifts the burden of them from my heart.  And it's wonderful to see Him meet those needs. 

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  John 16:33

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  John 14:27

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."  Isaiah 26:3

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."  Psalm 4:8 

"Mercy, peace, and love be yours in abundance."  Jude 1:2

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6,7

"The Lord is far from the wicked, but He hears the prayer of the righteous."  Proverbs 15:29 

"But truly God has listened; He has attended to the voice of my prayer."  Psalm 66:19

God is able to use the worst situations for His glory.  I pray that for myself, for my friends, and for our world!  Only He can do that.

If God had answered every other prayer I prayed, but hadn't given me peace - I don't think I could have made it in all these recent years.  The gift/blessing of His peace is beyond my feeble words to describe!  It is awesome in its power to help us.  I'm so humbly grateful for His peace that has washed over me in each situation when I've called out to Him.  How good and faithful He is!

Yes Lord

My love of God speaking to me through His creation was truly blessed by 2 events recently.  I love how that happens through a simple event that He then uses to speak profoundly to me.  I think I sometimes miss that happening when I'm not watching, listening, and observing as much as I should.  But these 2 events just stood out!

The first had to do with the baboons that we have around off and on.  In the last while we had them in our neighborhood for over a week.  They were here in large numbers the day the massive storm hit.  The rain was coming down steadily and the wind was blowing powerfully.  I looked out at my front deck/porch which is sheltered and saw quite a few of the baboons taking cover there.  One young one tucked safely under it’s mother.

As I was observing all this, I knew it was a lesson for me!  No matter what storm comes my way (and there's been a few new ones) - God will hide me in His shelter and protect me.  I don't need to fear or be nervous of what is happening - God has a sheltered place in His heart for me to hide.  He is watching over me - caring for me.  It was a wonderful reminder to me - especially in the midst of the blowing storm. 

A friend has 2 birds, a mother and father, that have been nesting in her garden.  They take turns sitting on the nest - almost like a scheduled rotation.  And if anyone comes near, the one not nesting spreads its wings and comes running as a warning to keep away!!  We were concerned about what would happen to the baby if it hatched during the storm.....but fortunately it only happened a couple days later.

I was at my friend's house a few days ago and was anxious to see the little one that had hatched.  I was standing a good distance away, but the mother bird was nervous.  She spread her wing over the little one to protect it.  It was so touching - and, of course, reminded me of the verses that God says He'll do that for us.  I came home and sat quietly - just absorbing the beauty and truth of what I'd seen.  When anything threatening comes my way, God shelters me under His wings.

"God is our shelter and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.  So we will not be afraid, even if the earth is shaken and mountains fall into the ocean depths; even if the seas roar and rage, and the hills are shaken by the violence."  Psalm 46:1-6

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge."  Psalm 18:2 

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, and He knows those who take refuge in Him."  Nahum 1:7

"He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings you may seek refuge."  Psalm 91:4

"My soul takes refuge in You; and in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge until destruction passes by."  Psalm 57:1

There have been countless times in recent years when God sheltered me and hid me under His wings.  I am so grateful for that!  The baboons and the birds reminded me that He's still doing that in things that are coming my way.  He is so good and faithful!  And I'm going to keep watching for ways He's speaking to me through His awesome creation! 

A friend shared a song with me a few days ago - "Mary Did You Know" by Peter Hollens.  Although I knew the song, I had never heard this rendition.  It's a beautiful acapella version where he amazingly sings 6 parts of harmony himself!  Growing up I sang in church choir, school choir, and a girls trio.  I love beautiful harmony!  It touches my soul.  This song has stuck in my brain, and I find myself singing/humming it repeatedly.....even waking up in the night with it on my mind.  In doing so, I've thought a lot about the lyrics.

An angel came to Mary about her bearing the Son of God.  We'll never know how much she fully understood the implications of that - but she said a resounding "yes" to the Lord.  She couldn't have known - He would walk on water, heal the blind and deaf, calm the storm, and give His life for mankind.  But she said "yes" in an amazing act of faith and obedience.  I can't begin to imagine how she felt when she saw her Son crucified.  She was a courageous woman in saying "yes" in spite of all the unknowns of the future!

I can't say what I would have done in her place, but I know I've said "yes" to the Lord in many situations throughout my life......and with certainly not having a clear understanding of the implications of that "yes."  Saying "yes" to the Lord involves trust - trust that He knows what He's doing and will help us with what is to come.  He never gives us more than we can bear in response to that "yes." 

I can remember singing the song - "I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord, Over mountain or plain or sea; I'll say what you want me to say, dear Lord; I'll be what you want me to be."  We sing it so easily in a moment of commitment in a church service.....and then we're surprised when something difficult comes up in response to that commitment.

I don't fully understand - but I know that the recent years in Floyd's life and my life have something to do with things we've said "yes" to. I probably won't fully understand until eternity.  I guess I could be asked "Sally did you know."  I didn't!  But God knew, and He has walked faithfully by my side in everything.  I couldn't ask for anything more - and, seeing His faithfulness, I know I can face whatever is still ahead.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  Proverbs 3:5

"Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."  Ephesians 5:20

"I will trust in your unfailing love...I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me."  Psalm 13:5,6

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2,3

"Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!"  Psalm 34:8

"For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:14

"The Lord goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8

Mary didn't know what was ahead - Floyd didn't know - I didn't know, and still don't know - but God knows!  And He will be with us every minute of every hour of every day in whatever comes our way!  What a wonderful God!

God Cares

I've had something interesting happen in recent weeks.  At random times, I've had so many memories floating through my mind.  They all center around Floyd.  I've realized that there are two categories of memories.  Difficult, painful ones of events during his illness. There were many dramatic events over the 5+ years of his time in the hospital. To this day, there are many things I don't understand, but I still feel the pain of them.  When these memories come, I take them to the Lord and ask Him to carry the weight of them.

The other category is lovely, warm memories.  I've had lots of them pop up too.  Memories of family, friends, ministry that are precious and special.  I can almost relive the pleasantness of the things that happened through the memory.  They bring joy to my heart.  When these memories come, I thank the Lord for His goodness to us over many years.  He has been so faithful and good to us!

I'm sure these memories coming to me at unexpected times are still part of the grieving process for my heart and mind.  I'm discovering that grief doesn't go away.  I don't know if it ever will.  But it changes, it evolves, and it finds a special place to be tucked in my heart.  The razor sharp pain of disappointment and loss is gone.  It's now just tender.  It's all part of the healing process.  

I've found both kinds of memories, even the hard ones, to be a gift.  I've seen them as part of the process of grieving, healing, and moving forward.  I think the Lord has known when it would be helpful for me to rekindle all the memories.  He knows me so well!

"You shall remember all the ways which the Lord your God has led you."  Deuteronomy 8:2

"Remember the days of old, consider the years of all generations."  Deuteronomy 32:7

"Remember the former things long past.  For I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is no one like Me."  Isaiah 46:9

God remembers too:

"It is He who remembered us in our low estate, for His steadfast love endures forever."  Psalm 136:23

"He knows our frame; God remembers that we are dust."  Psalm 103:14

"He remembers His covenant forever, the promise He made, for a thousand generations."  Psalm 105:8

There are 352 times in the Bible that tell us to remember.  If you count all the variants of the word, then there are 550 times mentioned.  We definitely need to keep in mind the things that have happened, to be mindful of them.

Remembering how God has been with us in the ups and downs of life moves us towards Him rather than being fearful of what is to come.  I am grateful for all the memories that have been coming back to me - the good ones and the hard ones.  God was with me in both the good and the hard.  He is the one constant in all my memories.  I'm so grateful for His presence in my life!

I was reading something this week.  It included this simple statement - "God cares."  That simple, two word sentence is so profound.  In ways I've learned that God speaks to me, I felt His sweet voice ministering those two words to me personally.  My heart was warmed and encouraged by the truth of it.  God DOES care!  He cares about every single thing in our lives.  Nothing is too big or too small for His loving care.  What an encouragement that is!

A family member has been very sick.  As I prayed for that person, I knew that God cares. 

I had a tooth fall out this week.  It was a small thing, but it felt traumatic for me.  In the moment,  I knew God cares.

I heard of a sweet acquaintance, someone much younger than me, who has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  As my heart ached for her, I knew that God cares for her.

I live with complications from my own cancer.  Some things are hard, painful, and impacting.  I felt reminded this week that God cares.

In moments when I feel alone and miss Floyd, I sense the comfort of the Spirit - and know that God cares. 

I could go on and on.  The important thing for me has been being powerfully reminded that GOD CARES.  He cares about every detail in our lives.  Whatever we are facing.  Whatever our need is.  Whatever problem, emotion, situation in our lives that we are facing - God cares.  He cares lovingly and deeply.  We can bring each thing to Him and receive His help.

"Cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."  1 Peter 5:7

"I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me."  Psalm 3:5

"He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."  Psalm 91:4

"Do not gloat over me, my enemy!  Though I have fallen, I will rise.  Though I sit in darkness the Lord will be my light."  Micah 7:8 

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.' "  Isaiah 41:13

"Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always."  Psalm 105:4

The Word is full of God's love, help, and care for us.  The One who knows every sparrow that falls, and who numbers the hairs of our head - He cares!  We serve a wonderful God who cares.  I would not be still standing today except for His daily care!