Joy Unspeakable!

Floyd has been doing well.  He's been responsive - he even seemed to respond to a joke one of the carers told.  The therapists and nurses have been busy with lots of care, so he tends to rest and sleep in between.  Then he'll wake up and be attentive to the carers.  I'm very grateful that his days have been peaceful.

We're coming up to the 15 month mark on this unexpected journey we've been on.  One of my personal "goals" during this time has been to not waver in my trust in God - knowing that He is always good, always faithful, and that His grace is sufficient for anything He allows into our lives.  It's not been hard to keep that trust alive at all!  In fact, the more I stated my trust in Him, the easier it seemed to be to trust Him - kind of like a big circle.

One of the things that has been a blessing......and something that I didn't quite anticipate......is the "fruit" of trusting in Him.  As I've firmly put my trust in Him, I have been surrounded by joy and a deep sense of praise and worship.  At times the joy has been so abundant that it almost didn't seem in keeping with the heaviness of what I was walking through - and yet it was there!  Joy unspeakable!!  I've felt carried at times on a wave of joy.  It flows out in songs of spontaneous praise from my heart.

In the natural it doesn't make sense at all to be feeling joy during such an incredibly difficult time.  I've received it as a sweet gift from the Father as I tuck myself in close to Him and continually tell Him how much I trust Him.

There are so many "ways of the Kingdom" that are different from how normal life is.  This has been a special one for me.  A few weeks ago I read something in a devotional that brought this to my attention again.  I've been pondering it, and wanted to share it with you.  I'm so grateful for the undergirding of joy that He has given me.  It's a sweet foundation stone on the highway of this journey.

Thank you Lord!  Your ways are such a blessing to us.  When we trust you wholeheartedly, it releases so much sweet "fruit" into our lives - even in the midst of very, very hard times.

"Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."  Psalm 62:8

"Commit everything you do to the Lord.  Trust Him, and He will help you."  Psalm 37:5

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."  James 1:2,3

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him."  Romans 15:13

"Have mercy on me, God, have mercy, for in you I have placed my trust. Even in the shadow of your wings will I find my refuge until this calamity passes."  Psalm 57:1

I trust in Him - He releases His joy into my life - and in His wonderful refuge I can be safe until "this calamity passes."

How faithful, sure, and true He is!

Whenever I'm going through a hard time, I pour out my heart in prayer to the Lord.  Those prayers become hopes that I'm lifting up to the Lord.  The hopes are almost like balloons floating in the sky - drifting up to God, waiting for Him to answer.  

When bad news comes, it's like someone sticking a pin in one of those balloons and bursting it.  At least - it feels like that.

If I've learned anything on this journey, it's that it is so very important to take that burst balloon immediately to the Lord.  He's not shaken by bad news.  He doesn't see the burst balloon as "the end."  In fact, often it's part of the process of what He's doing.  He's the restorer of the burst balloon.

When I'm going through a hard time, my emotions are more vulnerable.  At times they feel raw and tender from the intensity of this journey.  Again, I've learned that I must take those vulnerable emotions to Him, especially when they involve a burst balloon of hope, and ask for His sweet covering over them.

I truly didn't expect the bad news about my tumor growing that I got last week.  I had been praying for the tumor to shrink.  I was surprised that it was the exact opposite.  It felt like my balloon - my "hope" balloon - had been burst.

As soon as I could get alone with the Lord, I talked to Him about all this.  He lifted the weight of that burst balloon, and restored peace.  How grateful I am for that.

Sarah Young in one of her devotionals says "hope is a way of seeing - a type of vision that defeats discouragement."  I've been choosing to walk in that "way of seeing."

I find my hope in Him, and I know He's taking care of me and of Floyd.  I wait with hope to see what He intends to do.

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him."  Psalm 42:5

I love how again and again in the Psalms, David says "I shall again praise Him."  He's honest.  He's struggling.  But He knows where he's headed in the midst of his hard time.  He's confident that he's going to praise God again - he just needs to work through his discouragement.  But he declares in faith how he's going to end up as he works things through.  His example is a good one to follow when we face hard times.

"I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope."  Psalm 130:5

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord."  Psalm 31:24

"The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love."  Psalm 147:11

" 'For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' "  Jeremiah 29:11

I love how the Word speaks so very clearly into the things we are walking through in our lives.  I take courage from the Word!

Safe On His Shoulders

My big gift this past weekend was I got to go see Floyd!  I hadn't seen him in almost 10 weeks, so it was very special.  I think I looked very different to him with a cap on my bald head and a mask that the Dr. required me to wear.  Floyd stared and stared at me!! :)

He looks so much better than when I last saw him.  I think with not being there all the time, I could see the changes.  His coloring is good.  His eyes are bright and alert.  He seemed to be moving more - his head and arm.  He was much more attentive.  It's hard to describe, but he just looked more like himself.

So many of the carers have mentioned that it seems like Floyd wants to say something to them.  I so wish he could do that!  They've also said that if they look at their phone - he'll tap their chest to get their attention. :)  He doesn't want them distracted.

"The people of Benjamin are loved by the Lord and live in safety beside Him.  He surrounds them continuously and preserves them from every harm."  Deuteronomy 33:12  

Other versions say "the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders."

On days when I'm weak, I sometimes visualize myself being carried by the Lord on His shoulders......knowing He preserves me from harm.

"Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, that hovers over its young, He spread His wings and caught them.  He carried them on His pinions."  Deuteronomy 32:11

When baby eagles are learning to fly, the mother "hovers" over them. When they're falling, before they learn their flying skills, she'll catch them and take them back to the safety of the nest.

God does that for us too.  There are times when we feel like we're falling. We don't know how to "fly" in the difficult situation we're in.  But God catches us!  He has faithfully "caught" me through so many difficult things on this unexpected journey.  He has never once, never ever once, let me fall.  There have been some frightening moments when I felt like I was falling, but God graciously caught me - put me back on a solid rock and steadied me.  The knowledge of that gives me such security.  He is always, always, always faithful - and good!

This Tuesday was my chemo day.  I start the chemo day each time with an appt. with my oncologist.  She immediately informed me today that the results of the CT scan I did last Fri. were not good.

The tumor has continued to grow.  It seems to be a fast growing tumor - much like 3 years ago.  The growth means that it is resistant to the kind of chemo I've been having as the chemo is not working.  I will need to switch to a different chemo.  Surgery may also been an option, and I'll need to do some new tests.  

Obviously I'm disappointed!  I was surprised by the results since the chemo seemed to help previously.  It looks like I'm still on the "one-day-at-a-time" journey to see what's ahead.  As one friend said, "the roller coaster continues!"

I read this verse a few days ago.  "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

We so often pray and seek "God's will" for situations in our life.  When I read this verse, I thought to myself - this is a "guidance trio."  For whatever we face, this is such a wonderful guideline for how to respond.

It was helpful to remember this as I got my news today!  As I committed it all to the Lord, I also heard His sweet voice remind me to keep my focus on Him and keep trusting Him.  My heart is responding with joy, prayer, thankfulness, and trust.

After this unexpected news, I've been processing a lot with the Lord.  I love how the Word speaks to my heart, and how His Spirit brings such comfort.  He is so faithful and knows just what we need!

"For everyone who keeps on asking (persistently), receives; and he who keeps on seeking (persistently), finds; and to him who keeps on knocking (persistently), the door will be opened."  Luke 11:10 Amplified

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us..."  Ephesians 3:20

" 'I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the Lord."  Jeremiah 30:17

To those who know me, you'll know that I'm "persistent."  I don't give up on things.  So I am going to continue to persistently ask/seek/knock.  I can do this because God so wonderfully answers exceedingly and abundantly.  And I'm trusting that He will restore both Floyd and I to health - either here or with Him in heaven.  I know He has a plan.  I know He is 100% trustworthy.  I'm pressing in to Him for His plan.

His Grip Is Secure

These past two weeks Floyd has battled another really bad chest infection.  The doctor had given us a pretty grim diagnosis.  But !!  The infections are now gone, the fever is gone, and he is regaining strength.  I'm sure it's an answer to prayer.  He's been sitting in his chair.  His breathing is clear, the phlegm is much less, and he has had good connections with people.

During a time of worship with Floyd, the two carers that were with him said he was staring intently at something in the room that they couldn't see.  They asked him if he maybe saw Jesus or angels - and he smiled real big.  I often pray that that will be the case!

As they left, they waved to him from the door and asked if he could wave back to them - which he did.  It's encouraging to see every connection he makes with clear responses.  I know these encourage our hearts - and we wait to see if it's part of a bigger healing God is doing in his body. Only God knows the plan He has for Floyd.  While we wait to see it unfold, we are grateful for His daily care and faithfulness.

I read a quote from Sarah Young in one of her devotionals - speaking as if Jesus were talking to us.  "I know exactly how much you can bear, and I set limits to your suffering.  Do not multiply your trouble by projecting it into the future as if it were endless, for I can relieve or remove it at any moment.  Your job is to continue trusting Me in the present, waiting for Me to provide a way out - My way and timing!"

I continue to look to Him, trust Him, waiting for His way out and His timing from this long unexpected journey we've been on!  He knows how much I/we can bear.  He won't give us too much!  His grace continues to be sufficient - one day at a time.

"We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul - not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory strength God gives."  Colossians 1:11  The Message

Thank you, Lord, for your "glory strength!!"  I could never make it on my own, but He is so very, very faithful!

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life."  Psalm 143:8

"But all who listen to me shall live in peace and safety, unafraid."  Proverbs 1:33

His love, His word, His presence are so comforting and supportive.  When I feel alone - fearful - uncertain.......wondering what the future holds, He is the wonderful constant.  He's always there.  He always enfolds me in His love.  There are moments during this journey with Floyd and my chemo treatment when I feel so weak.  But all I have to do is call to Him and He wonderfully meets me with all I need.

My strength is building before round 4 of my chemo, but it's amazing how quickly it disappears when I do a few little things.  I'm so grateful for the "good" days.

"You are to cling to the Lord your God, just as you have done to this day."  Joshua 23:8

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you.  Don't be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

I was thinking this week when my strength seemed to disappear so quickly - when I get tired, weak, weary on the long journey.......and I feel like I can't keep holding on......HE holds me!!  He will never let go.  His grip is secure.  He is always strong.  He doesn't grow weary.  I can even relax in my weakness knowing that He is clinging to me, even as I try to cling to Him.

Thank you Lord!!  What a sweet assurance that is.

Gazing At His Goodness

This past week Floyd has been peaceful and in a pleasant mood.  He seems to be interacting with the care team more, which is encouraging. His small steps of improvement seem to be consistent these past weeks.  It’s so good that he has been in a cheerful mood - lots of smiles......even a few "cheeky" ones.  He's tried to tease some of the carers a bit.

On my side, overall the after effects from round 2 of chemo have continued to be milder than round 1.  But there are days and nights that have been hard.  It's a comfort to know I'm being carried by many prayers.

"I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.  I will sing the Lord's praise, for He has been good to me."  Psalm 13:5,6

In the hard moments, I keep my gaze on His goodness and unfailing love!  He is faithful.

"The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by."   Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind.  After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  And after the fire came a gentle whisper."  1 Kings 19:11,12

There have been times in the last year when the Lord has spoken loudly and clearly to me - almost as through a megaphone......definitely getting my attention.

In recent weeks, it seems like He's speaking in gentle whispers to my heart.  It has been so gracious and tender.  It's the "strength" I can handle right now.

I've been very touched to see that God is mindful of our condition, what we need, and what we can cope with.  How wonderful and personal He is - so loving and caring.

"Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.  Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long."  Psalm 25:4,5

On this unexpected journey that we've been on, one of the things that fills my heart with gratitude is how the Lord has so lovingly, faithfully, gently, and personally taught me His truth and ways.  I could never have navigated my way through this time without that.

My sleep is greatly impacted by the chemo.  I'm often awake in the night.  I'll lay quietly and talk to the Lord.  So I have to add to that verse that my hope is in Him, not only all day long, but also all night long.  During the night is probably when I'm having some of my sweetest conversations with Him.  I'm glad He doesn't "slumber or sleep" - He's on call 24/7!

As resurrection Sunday approaches, I can't help but pray for a resurrection touch for Floyd!!  My heart continues to trust in our wonderful Father, and in His plans for Floyd - even as I also feel freedom to ask for miracles.

Blessings to each of you as we enter this week of thanking Jesus for His death and resurrection for us!

Our Faithful Provider

Floyd has had a good few days.  He's been alert, pleasant, peaceful, smiley.  I sent my love via carers a couple times.......and they got a smile back from him each time. :)  I sent an audio message to him the other day too.  He had an emotional response.  I want to remind him I'm thinking of him and that I love him - but I don't want to upset him.

One of the carers mentioned to Floyd that he looked forward to being able to visit with him on our deck again, sharing testimonies of workers scattered across Africa, and enjoying our ocean view.  He said Floyd teared up at that.  It's wonderful to know he understands, but it can be hard too at times.

A while back, some friends gave us a fig tree.  We planted it, but it didn't do very well.  We've been in a drought and have water restrictions, so we couldn't really nurture it very well.  The poor tree shriveled up, and was mostly a barren "stick."  Several times I almost pulled it up to toss in the trash.

I recently looked out and saw it........and was stunned.  It has big, green leaves on it now.  It looks healthy, and I have hope that it will keep growing.  It's quite amazing.  I would never have anticipated it resurrecting in such a way - especially since we still haven't been able to give it water.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crops fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior."  Habakkuk 3:17,18

If I stand back and look at this unexpected journey we've been on - and especially now with my chemo treatments thrown into the mix - it can look very "barren."  But as I looked at that stick of a fig tree that now has big green leaves......wow!  Who knows what God is doing that we can't see.  My heart of trust in Him is rekindled.  I am joyful in Him, my God and Savior.  He is good and faithful!

This Tuesday was my second round of chemo and everything went smoothly.  I'm tired and have the normal chemo side effects but Praise God, I am doing much better than I did with the first round.

I was thinking that we would have never dreamed of this current scenario - all that has happened to Floyd, how long it has gone on, and now my cancer returning.

But God knew!!  He's not surprised by it all.

And He has wonderfully provided for us:

- the rehab hospital that has been so perfect for Floyd

- the wonderful "care team" that spends time with Floyd and cares for him

- the new "Sally care team" that is helping me, supporting me

- the blessing of our son, Matthew, being here to help

- family members that have come a number of times

- friends that have flown in from all over the world to visit Floyd

- high quality cancer care & a really loving chemo room team

- my cancer treatment is being covered by our medical aid/insurance

- the restful atmosphere of our home to recover in

- the incredible, faithful prayers from people all over the world

- the generous gifts that have helped cover Floyd's care

The list could go on and on.  These aren't just "coincidences."  They're testimonies of God's wonderful love and provision - His care for us.  I realized today how blessed and encouraged I am by all this.

"Then they cried to Him in their distress.  He sent forth His word and healed them.  He rescued them from the grave.  They cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distress.  He stilled the storm to a whisper, and the waves of the sea were hushed."  Psalm 107:19, 20, 28, 29

How mindful He is of every detail in our lives.  How faithful He is.  How loving and caring.  My heart is steadfast toward Him and filled with gratitude!

His Faithfulness Washes Over Me

Floyd has had a good few days - resting, peaceful, sleeping. 

I woke up on Tuesday to clumps of hair falling out.  So I took scissors to it to "chop" it off......haven't you wanted to do that when you were a kid?! :) Then on Wednesday the bald look returned as I had my head shaved.  It's not my favorite look, but I learned last time that at least I have a nice shaped head!

In the midst of a really hard first round of chemo, I had some sweet moments with the Lord.  I wanted to share one of them with you that was so special to me.

On one of the days I was so sick, feeling very alone, missing Floyd and concerned for him - I could barely focus my thoughts.  I was so miserable. I told the Lord it was the most alone I've ever felt in my whole life.  In less than a heartbeat, I instantly felt His sweet, comforting presence envelop me!

And then a short while later, a friend came over.  She said she had been praying for me around the same time, and was reminded of Jesus on the cross - when He cried out "Father, why have you forsaken me?"  She said Jesus had to go through those moments of being totally alone in order to understand our aloneness (and to atone for our sins),  but because of going through that we NEVER have to be totally alone!  He never forsakes us.  

It was such a personal, encouraging word to my heart.  I have been savoring it for days.  I may even feel very alone, but I'm not!!  Thank you Lord!  I'm so grateful for His presence even on the hardest of days.

"Be strong and courageous......He will never leave you nor forsake you."  Deuteronomy 31:6

I had written about this in the update that I send out.  I found out later that right around when the prayer update was going out......two of the carers were with Floyd.  They were playing Matt Redman's song to Floyd about "never once did we ever walk alone."

As they played the worship song, they raised their hands in prayer.  Floyd had one of the broadest smiles they had ever seen on his face, and he tried to lift both his leg and his arm in worship with them!

While they were still with him their phone dinged with the prayer update I'd just sent, and they were able to share it with Floyd.  It was so very special that God was ministering the same thing to both Floyd and me.  He is with us both - and He never leaves us alone!  How very faithful He is!

Now that I have my new bald look, my head gets cold.  I have some nice caps, but yesterday I was sitting in the warm sunshine.  It felt so good on my very white head that could use a little color too! :)  As I sat there, I became conscious of a roaring sound.  I realized it was the ocean's roar as the tides were changing.  It was so loud, so awesome, so powerful.

As I thought of the faithfulness of God's creation in the constant ebb and flow of the ocean - I could almost feel His faithfulness washing over me. His still small voice was reminding me that just as He controls the forces of nature in the seas.......He also controls my world and all that is impacting me.  His faithfulness is sure and constant.

My strength has been building bit by bit this week.  I'm so thankful for that.  The next round is Tues.  I'm grateful that many have been covering me in prayer for round two.

"Who is like you, Lord God Almighty?  You, Lord, are mighty, and your faithfulness surrounds you.  You rule over the surging sea; when its waves mount up, you still them."  Psalm 89:8,9

"Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord their God.  He is the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them - He remains faithful forever."  Psalm 146:5,6

God is wonderfully faithful! 

God Watches Over His Children

Well, my chemo journey has begun and after a reasonably good first day, the horrible side affects hit like a lightning bolt with the whole range of symptoms all at once.  I have been absolutely flattened.

I have sweet friends that have been caring for me, but I'm extremely weak. 

Meanwhile, Floyd has been in good spirits the last few days after having been mostly agitated and sad the few days before that.

One of the nurses told two of the carers that the nurses had gathered around Floyd's bed to pray for him.  She had come in a little late and noticed that Floyd was crying as they prayed for him.  When they finished, he looked at each one with a smile of gratitude.  I can't tell you how blessed I was to hear that story!

When the Lord spoke to my heart that I needed to "release" Floyd into His hands in this season and concentrate on caring for myself, it was hard to let go.  I love and care for him so much and I was concerned about how things would go.  This sweet story showed me how awesome and broad the Lord's reach is to watch out for my husband.  I'm so thankful for the wonderful team at the hospital who care for him.  May He bless them!

As I am going through these awful side effects of chemo, and thinking that it was never quite this bad the first time, some friends have suggested that maybe my body is a bit weakened from the stress of this past year.  And as I think about that there's a scripture that keeps floating through my mind:

"But for you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in His wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture."  Malachi 4:2

I think I'm attracted to that calf leaping with joy! :)  I'm longing for that healing touch.  And I have been leaning deeper into God's strength, grace, and faithfulness!

"Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds."  Psalm 36:5

There's no end to His faithfulness!

The Battle Has Intensified

Floyd has had some days of being unusually smiley and happy this week.   He’s had guests from Scotland - friends of ours for many years.  He was responsive and had some smiles for them too.  I'm so thankful for his smiles.  And I'm so grateful for the many friends who share God's goodness and encouragement with him.

Our All Nations family had a prayer time for Floyd and me on Thursday, a few days before I started chemo.  It was very special.  I was encouraged and blessed.  During the prayer time, it felt like there was some kind of "shift" in the spirit.  I'm trusting for fresh answers to prayers.

One encouraging word was that Floyd's situation is like a plane coming in for landing.  It's in a circling, "holding" pattern as it's in contact with the control tower - waiting for declarations and permission to land. We prayed for things to be cleared away for the landing.  The "landing" could be healing or heaven.  We continue to trust and wait.

"For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what is promised."  Hebrews 10:36

"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him."  James 1:12

"We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope."  Romans 5:3,4

"As an example of suffering and patience, brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord.  Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast.  You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful."  James 5:10,11

I am encouraged that His "mercies are new every morning" and He is faithfully helping me on this journey - one day at a time.  His grace is there fresh each day.  Without it, I wouldn't have made it!

As I have cried out to the Lord over and over through this past year to help me see things from His perspective - to help me understand what He's doing, what He's up to,  I've had a couple things that have been growing in my heart.  I'd like to share them…

I am increasingly convinced that we have been involved in spiritual warfare this last year as we've entered into prayer on behalf of Floyd. There is a big spiritual battle that has been taking place.  I don't know exactly what the battle is over, but it's important!  I think it could have to do with release in the arenas of things that are on Floyd's heart  - refugees, the Muslim world, the hard/unreached peoples/places of the world, the future of South Africa - and especially for the Body of Christ to say "yes" to the Lord in helping to meet needs in these areas.

Several times over the past year I've been directed to the book of Daniel where the prince of Persia hinders the answers to Daniel's prayers.  It's a reminder of the importance of persevering prayer. 

The enemy doesn't like prayer, and there has been incredible waves of prayer released this past year.  I believe that has intensified the battle. But the enemy is already defeated.  Jesus is victor!  The ultimate battle was fought on the Cross of Calvary.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."  Ephesians 6:10-12

"The Lord directs the steps of the Godly.  He delights in every detail of their lives."  Psalm 37:23

"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps."  Proverbs 16:9

"Guide my steps by your word, so I will not be overcome by evil."  Psalm 119:133

We need to continue to stand our ground in prayer.......while we ask and believe for God to direct our steps for the future.  He is faithful!

The second thing that's been growing in my heart is that, for purposes I don't entirely understand, I think God has allowed this season of suffering for Floyd.  I have often suspected that out of Floyd's heart to serve God at all costs, he might have "offered" to the Lord to be willing to suffer.  I recently listened to one of Floyd's sermons that clearly indicated he had done that - but he also said he told the Lord if He ever called him to do that, that he'd be trusting for God's grace because he knew he couldn't do it on his own.

None of us like suffering.  We'd be crazy if we did!  But I know God allows it and uses it.  I feel a growing understanding that Floyd gave the Lord "permission" to go through suffering in his life. 

I realize that I may be completely wrong about this.  I'm not stating it as fact.  I'm sharing it as a growing conviction that I've had.  I continue to pray that God would continualy give Floyd the "grace" for this season.  I want to make sure he is covered in prayer for this.

"We glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."  Romans 5:3,4  

The purpose of our suffering is to produce hope, not to diminish it or destroy it.  I am keeping my hope in the Lord to use this unexpected journey we've been on for His purposes - and that He will receive glory from it.

"So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without His unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever."  2 Corinthians 4:16-18  The Message

I think there's more happening than "meets the eye."  I don't understand it all, but I know God is in control.  And I trust Him - absolutely and completely.  He is good and faithful!  

Persevere

This week Floyd has been sleepy on and off but calm and restful.  He has also had some wonderful visits from friends from our Kabul and Amsterdam days.  That was very special for him I’m sure.  He has been raising his hand in worship with some of the carers.  Also, when the carer asked him to do some exercises - he took the nebulizer off, laid it on the bed, and systematically started raising his arm, leg, and head over and over.  It was quite amazing.  I'm encouraged by his understanding and clear responses.

I have been working to get lots of details in place before I start my chemo treatment soon.  I have felt such a sweet presence of the Lord guiding me, helping me.  I've asked Him to be my husband through all this in Floyd's absence.  I know He will faithfully do that.

In the midst of all that has happened this year, I think the Lord has wanted to teach me a new level of trust in Him - and to teach me how to persevere in difficult circumstances.

I've always been a "steady" type person.  In a crisis situation, I'm usually pretty cool, calm, and collected.  I can handle pressure, know what to do, keep things together, and navigate through the emergency.

But I have to say that what we have gone through this past year has taken me WAY beyond what I can do as a "steady" person.  I feel like I was thrown into the deep end of the pool, and I don't know how to swim!

I've always had a good walk with the Lord - I would even say a strong walk with Him.  But this past year has pressed me deeper and deeper and deeper into Him.  It's been the only way I could survive.

It's not been an option to "quit" as Floyd has needed me - needed me to supervise and over-see his care.  I made a vow before the Lord almost 50 years ago to stand by him in times like this - "for better or worse, in sickness and in health."  I've HAD to learn how to persevere in new ways.

The only way to do that has been to trust God for the strength, wisdom, and grace to persevere.  He has been very, very faithful!

I wonder if these lessons are not just for me, but maybe for all of us.  I know He wants us to go deeper in Him.  And He wants us to be able to persevere when things are rough.

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better."  Ephesians 1:17

"I pray that your love may grow stronger and stronger, along with how much you know, and that you may grow in your ability to comprehend things."  Philippians 1:9,10

"That I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings."  Philippians 3:10

We can pray that God will grant that we, His people, will know Him more deeply!  That He will teach us His ways.  Psalm 103:7  

I've also been reflecting on the power of hope, and what a gift it is from the Lord.  Something that John Eldredge wrote has been helpful.

"Hope is one of the Three Great Treasures of the human heart: "Three things will last forever - faith, hope, and love."  1 Corinthians 13:13  A life without faith has no meaning; a life without love simply isn't worth living; but a life without hope is a dark cavern from which you never escape. These things aren't simply "virtues."  Faith, hope, and love are mighty forces.  And hope is the cornerstone; the fate of the other two depends upon hope's resilience.

"We have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God's people - the faith and love that spring from hope."  Colossians 1:3-5

Isn't that surprising - both our faith and our love "spring from" or "result from" our hope.  But of course.  Hopelessness makes it impossible to care.  Without hope, faith is just a doctrine gathering dust on our shelves. The highest things that make a heart worth having and a life worth living - they rise or fall upon the condition of our hope.  Which makes hope the mightiest force of all (love is the noblest; hope is the linchpin)."

I loved this perspective.  Through the ups and downs, twists and turns of our unexpected journey this past year - I have battled diligently to keep hope alive in my heart.  I have felt it was "vital" for me to do so.  On the most difficult days, I often prayed for God to strengthen my hope!  I'm grateful to say that my heart is still full of hope. My prayers are bathed in it - even on the hardest of days.

"Having hope will give you courage.  You will be protected and will rest in safety."  Job 11:18

"The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love."  Psalm 147:11

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

"You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word."  Psalm 119:114

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him."  Romans 15:13

"I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope."  Psalm 130:5

I could go on and on and on.  The verses are endless.  His hope is strong and sure.......and my hope is in Him. 

Worship Bubbles Up!

Last Friday it was a year since a friend helped me rush Floyd to emergency at the hospital.  He had had a rough night - the meds he was given the day before weren't helping.  His life was hanging by a thread.  His blood pressure was so low that they could hardly find it.  They started pumping adrenalin into him, and immediately admitted him into ICU.  God definitely saved his life that day.

Even at this point, we would have never dreamed of what was ahead.  We could tell that something was seriously wrong, but the thought was they would find what it was, treat him, and he'd be fine.

All day last Thursday, and on Friday when I woke up - I expected to be sad.  A lot has happened this past year - much of it very difficult.  There have been lots of tears through the year, so I was expecting to cry on this anniversary date.  I think I actually "tried" to be sad.  Something tragic happened in our lives a year ago.  Our lives were totally turned upside down.  Floyd was ripped from our every day lives.

Instead, much to my amazement, I found my heart pouring out worship to the Lord.....it just bubbled up inside me.  Every time I thought of the hard/difficult/sad things that have happened.......immediately behind that thought was a thought of how good and faithful God was in that situation.  I didn't even have to stop and think about it......it just poured forth, like breathing.  I kept thinking of how lovingly and graciously He has carried me and our family through this most difficult of years.

During the day while I was recalling all the memories from a year ago, Floyd had a special visit with one of the carers.  He asked Floyd to do various movements - lifting his head, arm, leg, foot, smiling, etc.......repeatedly.  Floyd responded quickly and effectively to all the requests.  This was even better than a session he had recently with one of the therapists that we were all excited about!

We have prayed lots of prayers this past year.  Some have clearly been answered.  Others - we haven't seen the answers yet.  This is where trust comes into play......and where we realize "His ways are higher than our ways."  We wait to see what "His way" is going to be.

In the meantime, we worship Him - every praise belongs to Him!

"All praise belongs to God Most High."  Genesis 14:20

"Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever."  Revelation 7:12

"I will praise you, Lord my God, will all my heart; I will glorify your name forever."  Psalm 86:12

This week I felt that while my sister, niece and grandniece are here, as a family we should have communion with Floyd.  We did that.  It was a very sweet time as we broke bread, sang to him, played worship songs, and prayed for resurrection miracles for him - and healing for me.  There was a lovely presence of the Lord with us.  Floyd teared up often, and cried a few tears.

On Tuesday I went for my PET scan and on Wednesday I got my results…

Unfortunately, my tumor is still there.  In fact, it has grown a bit since my first tests.  It hasn't spread elsewhere - that is good news!

I will definitely need to do chemo again - the same kind, the same strength.  I'll possibly start towards the end of next week, but more likely early the following week.

I have a lovely Dr.  She is very caring.  She understood not only how disappointing it is to have the cancer back, but how hard it will be to go through treatment without Floyd.  She actually teared up with me at the end, and gave me a big hug.  I appreciate having a Dr. like that!

I keep thinking that none of this is a surprise to the Lord.  I'm still in the palm of His hands, and He is still caring for me.  He hasn't failed me for even one minute this past year, so I know He'll help me with this.

"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments."  Deuteronomy 7:9

My trust is still firm in Him.  He is faithful!

His Guiding Hand

This week Floyd has been pulling himself up more and more.  He has done it often while I have been with him.  He seems to be "curious."  That would be very much like him. :)  He pulls himself up to look if he hears someone in the hall - or he looks around the room.  I think it's a positive step.

He goes through times of being sleepy, being quiet and attentive, and being upset for short spells of time.  He's also given out sweet smiles. :)

Since my recurring diagnosis many have written and said "how much can one take?"  Others have said they’re upset or distressed for me.  Some have said they’d really like to discuss this with God. :)

I'm touched by such personal concern for me.  It truly warms my heart.  It helps keep me from feeling alone.  But I certainly don’t want this to shake anyone’s faith in any way!  God is good and kind and faithful and loving.

Honestly - this came out of nowhere and has been a surprise to me.  I thought I'd reached "my limit."  But I KNOW God promises not to give/allow us to have too much.  So He must see "more" in me, more in what I can handle, than I see in myself.  I trust Him and His character.  I know He wouldn't allow my load to be "too" much.

Knowing and trusting God and His character - I have to believe that He'll give me the grace and strength for what is ahead.  When I think through some of the details, I get overwhelmed.  Some planning is needed, but I'm going to have to be careful not to face things I shouldn't prematurely.  I'm just trying to navigate my way through all this.

I had a sweet time of prayer about this.  I felt the Lord said to give all the details to Him......and just take it one day at a time.  I know that's great advice.  I'm endeavoring to do that!

Shortly after that prayer time, someone sent me Chuck Swindoll's devotional for that day…

 "And God replies, 'My daughter, I know what I am doing.  I know the pain of your heart right now.  I know you feel overwhelmed, overloaded, pressed down.  But believe Me, I am touched with your situation.  And I have a plan!  I am working out the details of your deliverance even now.  Trust Me!' "

That was sure a timely encouragement!!

While I'm trying to prepare for this, I'm also praying for a miracle.  I have to begin to prepare, but something inside me says "don't just 'accept' this.......so I pray for the miracle.  I'm asking God to heal both me and Floyd!!  Who would have ever dreamed I'd even need to pray for that.

I have sensed all these many months that Floyd has been sick that God is up to something that I can't see.  I sense it again for this recurrence of my cancer.  All I know to do, all I know to say is I trust Him.  Nothing else makes sense to me.  He's absolutely, 100% trustworthy!

"If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me."  Psalm 139:9, 10  NLT

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him.  Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge.  Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.  One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard: 'Power belongs to you, God, and with you, Lord, is unfailing love.'; and 'You reward everyone according to what they have done.' "  Psalm 62:5-8, 11, 12

My confidence is in Him - my Rock, my Refuge!

Someone sent me an article about Floyd that they found.  It's from 1979......but it sounds like something he could be saying right now.  Floyd didn't know how "prophetic" it would be for him!  I've attached it at the bottom of this post.

I so agree with what he said - "God is glorified by people who trust Him in the face of suffering.  There is a kind of faith that comes from that, that cannot be gotten any other way."  All I can say is, amen - so true.  May God give Floyd, me, and our family the grace and trust to continue to walk this unexpected journey with both our illnesses.

A friend wrote me this last week - "I sense, along with you, that God is using your situation and responses to it, to raise up a movement of God that could only be brought about in the crucible of trials and testing.  How good and faithful He is to accomplish His loving purposes in ways so far above our own abilities to conceive."

I say "amen" to that too.  I sense that many, many, around the world are learning along with us on this journey.  God is using it to test us, to teach us, and to train us for things ahead.  I don't want to "waste" any lesson that He is bringing our way. 

I have to say that I honestly don't know how I am going to make it in the days ahead without Floyd by my side.  It feels very daunting.  BUT - God has been so awesomely faithful this last year that I know I can trust Him 100% for anything that lies ahead.  I am continuing to stay tucked under His wings of protection. Psalm 91:4 and 57:1

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."  1 Corinthians 10:13

"The Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one."  2 Thessalonians 3:3

"God will do this, for He is faithful to do what He says, and He has invited you into partnership with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord."  1 Corinthians 1:9

"Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds."  Psalm 36:5

"Your faithfulness extends to every generation, as enduring as the earth you created."  Psalm 119:90

When I read these wonderful promises from His Word, my faith rises that He will see me through.  I trust Him - and He has been so incredibly faithful all this past year!!

We've been feeling of late that the Lord is encouraging us to "ask strongly.  Don’t be afraid to pray strong and clear prayers.  Don’t be afraid to ask for miracles. Don't be timid."  We are feeling that the spiritual warfare needs to be stepped up to a new level.  A pastor from the U.S. that came and prayed for Floyd this week said that "there have been spiritual delays, but it's time to see the releases and answers to prayer."

For many months I have prayed for a "breakthrough."  A few months ago, I felt the Lord encouraged me to pray for a "resurrection."  So much has been impacted in Floyd’s body through this illness that it's almost like calling him back from the dead.  I've decided to pray for a "resurrection breakthrough." 

And now for me, I am praying for this cancer to be healed.  I am asking the Lord to destroy it once and for all!  I'm asking the Lord to heal it so that I don't have to do chemo.

My heart is encouraged.  I feel like we're in a new season, and I'm expectant.  It's strange, but my cancer coming back has not discouraged me.  I'm so very sorry/frustrated about that......but it just makes me want to push deeper in prayer and believe for miracles.  Somehow it feels like the enemy has pushed "too far."  I feel a holy, righteous anger rising up against him. Whatever happens, I feel God is going to show Himself victorious!!

"The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them."  Psalm 145:18,19

"He sent out His word and healed them; He rescued them from the grave."  Psalm 107:20

"When He heard this, Jesus said, 'This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it.' "  John 11:4

"My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life."   Psalm 119:50

I continue to tell the Lord I trust Him.  If He chooses to take Floyd home to heaven, I still trust Him.  But I'm feeling stirred to pray for "resurrection."  I'm keenly aware that my impressions could be the longing of my heart for healing for Floyd......but I know it's okay to ask, and keep asking, for healing.  I'm trying my best to listen clearly and carefully to the Lord.  I know that one way or the other (healing or heaven),  He has good things in store for Floyd, for me, and for our family.

My prayers are aimed at a clear goal, and my heart rests unwaveringly with Him!

Don't Despise God's Lessons

Leadership Lessons I've Learned

Leadership is a process.  We don't just wake up one morning, and "zap!" we're a leader, a good leader.  It takes time - lots of it.  It takes growth.  It takes learning lessons.  And it takes lots of help from the Lord if we are going to be the leader He wants us to be.

I'm old enough now that I can look back over my life and see ways that God has worked in my life in shaping me into the leader He wanted me to be.  One of the biggest things I see is His lessons!  Lots and lots of lessons.  Big ones, little ones, but all of them important in the process of shaping my character and my leadership.

I think one of the most important things I see is how He prepared me in one season for the next season.  Without those lessons, I don't think I could have made it through each season!  And all of them have prepared me for the season I'm walking through now.  There have been times when I've not been happy about the lessons - but I am so very grateful for all of them now.  

I am absolutely, 100% positive that I could not have made it on the journey I'm on now with Floyd's illness if God hadn't prepared me through His lessons in my life over many years!  

There are some basic things, basic principles I've learned.

1.     We should ALWAYS be growing.  It sounds simple, but that doesn't mean it will be easy.  If we don't grow, we'll become stagnant - and we can even go backwards and lose ground spiritually.

The pressures of life can rob us of pressing in spiritually.  We can become so busy that we lose our sensitivity to hearing God speak to us. Tiredness can become an excuse to diligently pursuing growth.  Hurt from previous lessons and times of growth can make us draw back.

Even as we get older, age (and some of the wisdom that comes with it) can make us feel comfortable with what we know, and make us dull to what God wants to continue to teach us.  We will all grow older, but we may not become mature in our walk with Him.

We must actively, purposely pursue God's lessons.

2.     We need to receive His grace for the lessons He has for us.  The Bible tells us "His grace is sufficient."  If we try to learn His lessons in our own strength we'll probably be discouraged, and give up.  We may even be resentful to the Lord, thinking He's asking too much of us.  His grace is freely given.  We need to ask for it, and graciously receive it.

3.     We need to be ourselves.  We are all "fearfully and wonderfully made" in His image.  There's no box or mold that we all have to fit in.  But we need to also be careful that we don't use that as an excuse to be independent or keep from learning.  A constant protection is to have teachable, humble hearts.

4.     We need to be careful we don't get in a hurry to learn the lessons God has for us.  God's time table isn't always the same as ours.  I'd say that most times it's not!!  I remember one very important life lesson that the Lord had for me took 5 years.  I don't think I was stubborn or slow, it was just a very big foundational lesson that took time to work into my heart and character.  Everything since then has built upon it.  I'm so grateful God took time to make sure it became part of who I am.  I moaned and groaned along the way, but I needed every day of that 5 year time frame to learn everything He taught me. 

Don't forget - Jesus took 30 years to get ready for His 3 years of ministry!

5.     We need to be faithful in the lessons God has for us.  We don't have to be perfect.  We can make mistakes, pick up the pieces, and begin again.  But we do have to be faithful.  God can use our mistakes and failures along the way as stepping stones to growth in our lives as long as we are teachable and faithful.

If we're careful to not despise the lessons God has for us, we can actually be content in each season - even as we're walking through seasons of deep growth.  We need to be careful not to wish for the past or long for the future.  We can simply rest in His timing, His instruction, and His goodness.  He's a wonderful and faithful teacher!  I'm so grateful for His lessons.

"O God, You have taught me from my earliest childhood, and I constantly tell others about the wonderful things you do."  Psalm 71:17

"Who, then, are those who fear the Lord?  He will instruct them in the ways they should choose."  Psalm 25:12

"Make me know Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths.  Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day."  Psalm 25:4,5

"God instructs him and teaches him the right way."  Isaiah 28:26

I don't know how I would have made it without His wonderful instruction.

How good and faithful He is.

Deep Roots Of Trust

Floyd has been having some nice visits this week.  He has been relaxed and attentive, and giving the carers some big "Floyd" smiles. :)

I have had some new ‘twists’ on our unexpected journey this week.  After my regular cancer check ups the doctors have found that my ovarian cancer has returned.  I am currently waiting to do a PET scan so the doctors can get a better idea of exactly how the chemo treatment should go. 

Just 2 years and 8 months ago I was at this same place - recovering from the surprise of having cancer and facing treatment.  But that time, Floyd was by my side.  He was such a help and support.  I miss him.

My biggest concern is how I can go through chemo and manage Floyd's care at the same time.  Over the next few days I will be charting out everything I do for Floyd's care and seeing how I can get friends to help me with this.  BUT, I am praying for a miracle of healing!

I know God is not surprised by this.  I am trusting that somehow, in His own unique way, He'll be glorified by all this.

Over the weekend as I prayed, I reminded the Lord that He doesn't give us more than we can bear.  I asked Him to make double sure with whatever was ahead! :)  

As I've pondered all this, and all that we've gone through this past year, some thoughts have come to me:

- He "trusts" us with these trials.

- He knows it's not "too much."

- He will bring good into our lives through it.

- His grace will be sufficient for every need.

- Somehow all this will bring Him glory!

I'm so encouraged by those things.

"They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.  They are confident and fearless and can face their foes triumphantly."  Psalm 112:7,8  NLT

"Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness."  Colossians 2:7  NLT

"The very steps we take come from God; otherwise how would we know where we're going?"  Proverbs 20:24  The Message

I don't need to fear this bad news.  I can put my roots down deep in His truth.  And I can trust that my steps are being led by Him.

I'm very sorry that I'm having to face this again, but my trust in Him is strong.  My heart has been amazingly at peace.  That could only come from Him.

In recent days it seems God is calling us to be persistent, persevering, clear, and forthright in our prayers.  There's been a sense that God has been saying "Ask strongly.  It's okay.  Be angry with the ways of the enemy.  Tell him 'it's enough.'  Don't be afraid to have 'holy anger' at the enemy.  Don't be afraid to pray strong and clear prayers.  Don't be afraid to ask for miracles.  Don't be timid."

Until the day I have to start chemo, I'm asking God for a healing miracle!

"Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart, saying, "In a certain city there was a judge who did not fear God and did not respect man. There was a widow in that city, and she kept coming to him, saying, 'Give me legal protection from my opponent.'  

For a while he was unwilling; but afterward he said to himself, 'Even though I do not fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow bothers me, I will give her legal protection, otherwise by continually coming she will wear me out.' " 

And the Lord said, "Hear what the unrighteous judge said; now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them?  I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly."   Luke 18:1-8

I want to be like the persistent widow!  I'm excited to see what God has in store for us as we ask.

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him.  Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge.  Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.  One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard: 'Power belongs to you, God, and with you, Lord, is unfailing love.'; and 'You reward everyone according to what they have done.' "  Psalm 62:5-8, 11, 12

My confidence is in Him - my Rock, my Refuge!

Keep Praying

One of the therapists stopped me this week to tell me how impressed she is with Floyd's "bouncing back" from the surgery last week.  She said it's quite remarkable.  I saw the Doctor a little later, and she said the same thing.

Floyd has been very alert and following everything going on.  He has been smiling when seeing friends and watching intently as they chat to him.  There are also times when he raises his hand to join in with worship.  

I'm grateful for the improvements we see - and encouraged.  We keep praying and waiting to see what God has in store for us.

A devotional I read recently was quoting James 1:2-3 - "Consider it all joy.....when you encounter various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

It talked about how the trials of life can strengthen our faith, and they give us the opportunity to make sure our faith isn't swayed by our feelings.  It definitely is a temptation to let our feelings grow so strong in the midst of a hard time that they can seem stronger than our faith.  I find I need to give my feelings continually to the Lord.....and speak out the truth of the Word that trumps my feelings.

One of the most difficult things about our trials and hard times is not knowing how long they'll continue.  There are times when you can feel like you just can't keep going.  I've found it so very important to go to the Lord right away before that feeling takes control.  Only His sustaining grace can keep me going.  I have to keep my eyes on Him.

I've had a few very low points when I didn't know if I'd make it.  I've found it so important to get a few friends around me to pray for me.  They help boost my faith to endure when my strength is lagging.

There have been a lot of things thrown my way on this unexpected journey, but God's grace, help, and strength has been more than adequate to help me keep going.  I'm so thankful!

"As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength."  Psalm 138:3

"But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; He is their strength in time of trouble."  Psalm 37:39

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."  Isaiah 40:29

"But you, Lord, do not be far from me.  You are my strength; come quickly to help me."  Psalm 22:19

His Word is so clear that He is there to help us when our strength is lagging and we're getting tired.  He makes it so easy to trust Him!

One of our All Nations staff shared a post on prayer this week.  I'm sorry I don't know who wrote it, but I'm touched by the message of persevering prayer!  It has encouraged my heart…

"Keep On Praying!

Jesus said, "We ought to pray and not to faint."  Luke 18:1  

He told us to be persistent in our prayer life.

Think about Elijah, who prayed one time and fire came down from heaven on Mt. Carmel.  But it took him praying three times before God resurrected the dead son of the widow.  And Elijah prayed seven times before God sent back rain on the earth during that time of drought.

Elijah learned to pray and trust God's timing......and don't give up.

In Christian history, we also think about George Muller, who lived a life that was one of the greatest demonstrations of answered prayer.  When he died, he had 50,000 documented answers to prayer!

Five thousand of those were answered on the day he prayed them.  Of course that means that 90 percent of the time, George Muller just kept waiting and praying.  He prayed for 63 years for one man to come to Christ before that man ended up doing so!

Like Elijah, George Muller learned that we can trust the Lord.  He said "Don't let yesterday's seemingly unanswered prayers stop you from praying in faith today."

So I want to encourage you: pray!  God knows His perfect timing.  He may answer right after you pray.  He may wait weeks, months, even years.  He will wait until He is most glorified in the situation......so don't give up.  You can wait on the Lord, and trust His timing.  Keep on praying."

I was strengthened in my resolve to keep praying by reading this.  I think the "key" is in the last paragraph - God will wait until He will be most glorified by the answered prayer.  That's what we want!  For God to be honored, worshipped, and glorified by answers to our prayers.

Whatever the answer is for Floyd, my deepest longing is for our wonderful Father to be glorified.

"I would have fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He will strengthen your heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."  Psalm 27:13,14

I know without Him, "I would have fainted!"  I am so grateful for His courage and strength.  I'm glad we can "wait" for that!

Invisible Walls

This past week Floyd has been mostly quiet and alert and I am so pleased that he has gained weight.  Wednesday, however, brought lots of unexpected events.  Floyd needed to be rushed to another hospital for surgery.  There was something wrong with his feeding tube.  They had to operate to clear it up and replace it.  Even though it was a long and intense day, I'm grateful for the blessing of the Lord’s comfort and strength in the midst of it. 

"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.  He cares for those who trust in Him."  Nahum 1:7

Something special also happened this past week.  I pray all the time for the Lord to comfort Floyd, give him grace and courage, and surround him with angels to keep him company.  I pray he'll see the angels.  While I was with Floyd and praying these things I had my eyes closed. Floyd was very focused on my face.  As I was praying for angels to be with him - and for him to see them.....I opened my eyes and Floyd was looking up at the ceiling and smiling.  He stayed that way until I finished praying, and then he looked at me again with a smile.  I have no way to know for sure, but I hope he was seeing angels!!

"For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways."  Psalm 91:11

At the end of our front deck, we have a very large glass window.  It enables us to look down the valley from where we live - even seeing the mountains on the other side of the far bay on clear days.  It's also a wonderful protection from the strong summer winds (the "southeasters") that can almost blow you away.  We love that it allows us to sit outside, and enjoy the balmy evenings even when the wind is blowing strongly.  The big, clear glass is almost like an invisible shield. 

It reminds me of an experience when I was young.  When I was on an outreach one time, we were going to a village that had wild dogs.  We were praying for protection from the dogs as we walked to the village.  I prayed for God's "invisible wall of protection."  He answered that prayer!  The dogs came right up to us, turned, and ran into the woods, never harming us.  Thank you Lord!  The chief of the village gave his heart to the Lord, and asked us to tell his whole village about Jesus.  Many gave their hearts to Him.  

The poor birds don't always realize our big glass window is there!  Some of them fly into it, and then lie dazed for a while.  The other day I looked at one of the dazed birds as it tried to figure out what had happened.  I had a revelation that I can be like that poor bird!  I can be happily flying along, not see the obstacles, and then hit a "wall" that I didn't even realize was there.

Oh how I need God's discernment, perspective, and ability to see the walls the enemy has put up for me to hit and become dazed.  I don't think I've ever had a season in my life where I've cried out to the Lord so much to help me "see" my way through what's happening in our lives.  I've asked Him to protect me from flying into invisible walls. 

He's been incredibly faithful!  I've had a few "dazed" moments - a few times when I've wondered what hit me. :)  But the Lord has guided me day by day, moment by moment through this journey with so many twists and turns.  How incredibly faithful He's been.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.' "  Isaiah 30:21

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.' " Isaiah 41:13

The Lord sees all the invisible walls.  He knows every obstacle in my path.  I'm trusting in the Lord's continued protection on this journey.  I know He'll hold my hand, light my path, go before me, and whisper in my ear which way to go.  What a wonderful Guide He is!

I've been listening to another of Floyd's sermons.  This one is on "How to Know God's Will."  I love hearing his messages.  It's nice to hear his voice.  He usually says something affirming about me - so it's a sweet encouragement to my heart. 

Floyd talks in the message about "inquiring of the Lord."  2 Samuel 5:19  David frequently inquired of the Lord.  I did a search and found at least 9 instances of this.  Shall I fight the Philistines? Shall I talk to Saul?  Shall I pursue this troop? He had regular conversations asking God what to do.  David's desire to hear from God, allowing God to direct his path and his decisions must have been one of the reasons God called David "a man after His own heart." Acts 13:22 He said of David, "he will do everything I want him to do." Those are powerful compliments!

I talk to the Lord about my decisions all through my day.  There's hardly a day that goes by that I don't have to make decisions about Floyd's care. I'm often at a loss as to what to do.  I ask God about everything - I "inquire of the Lord."  And I love that He responds.  He guides me.  Floyd said in his message that God loves to speak intimately and personally to each one of us about the things in our lives.  He said when we hear the word of the Lord on things we ask Him about, it releases faith and vision into our hearts for what we're asking.

I'm not saying I don't make mistakes - I'm sure I do!  But I certainly make less of them by "inquiring of the Lord."  And it takes such a weight off my shoulders that I don't have to make decisions on my own limited wisdom.

I miss talking to Floyd about the decisions I'm making.  I'm so grateful I can talk to the Lord.  I couldn't make it without His help and guidance.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault."  James 1:5

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go."  Psalm 143:8

"I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;  even at night my heart instructs me.  I keep my eyes always on the Lord.   With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken."  Psalm 16:7,8

"Since you are my rock and fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me."  Psalm 31:3

I'm so grateful for the Lord's counsel, guidance, and instruction.  I couldn't make it without that.  He has been my adviser, my friend, and my husband.  I praise Him with all my heart.

We have a sign in our home, above the kitchen sink where I see it all the time.  It's rather rustic looking - like it may have been around for generations.  It's taken from Joshua 24:15.  "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."  The sign has only been with us for about 15 years, but the proclamation is very much part of our family for many generations.

We have a family heritage from those who have faithfully served the Lord. I've mentioned my mother before, Memaw.  She was a Godly lady, who loved Jesus, and knew how to pray!  I'm in ministry and missions today because of her prayers.

Floyd's parents, Floyd Sr. and Enetha, were pastors for over 60 years. They were prayer warriors too.  Floyd says he would get up in the mornings, and hear his dad crying out to the Lord for people in the churches he pastored.

Floyd's paternal grandmother lived into her 90s.  She wrote poems and hymns up until she went to meet Jesus - and she knew how to pray too. She prayed for her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, great, great grandchildren - she said her prayers would carry on into the future even if she wasn't there. She knew God would be faithful to answer them.

Our families weren't wealthy.  They didn't have riches to leave us when they passed away, but they gave us the most important thing we can give our family - a Godly heritage.  Floyd and I have been able to walk into our spiritual heritage, in no small part, because of the lives that have been lived and the prayers that have been prayed before us. We have chosen for "our house" to serve the Lord, but the pathway was paved ahead of us.  We've served Him all our lives, and He's been so faithful to us.

I had a fresh sense this week that what is happening in our lives on this journey is part of our serving Him.  God is using this season for His honor and glory in ways that we can't see, and don't completely understand - but It's not a wasted season.  In His own special, unique way He'll make this a fruitful season.  Because we have chosen to serve Him, He uses every season as part of that service.

I don't know if we'll truly understand this side of heaven what God is "up to" in this season, but I continue to feel that He is working in ways that we can't see or understand.  For certain all the prayers that are being prayed are having a spiritual impact! 

And I think that part of our heritage is being lived out in ways known only to Him.  I want "our house" to continue to serve Him all our days!

"Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart."  Psalm 119:111

"Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance."  Psalm 16:5,6

"For you, God have heard my vows; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name."  Psalm 61:5

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

Some days my body is weary, but my heart is "running" as hard as I can to persevere on this "race" He has allowed us to walk on.  I'm grateful for His sufficient grace that enables me to keep running.  How faithful He is!

A Teaching Series on Hope - Part Four

I shared yesterday that patience is a big part of hope.  I see patience as being in the "present" tense, for the moment.  When hope goes on for a long time, I believe enduring becomes part of hope.  It's a step further than patience.  It's for the long haul.  Hope seeks to endure when the answer takes a long time.  I'm in that enduring phase - as I'm sure many of you are too.

Job was a man who went through many trials.  He struggled to endure.  "My hope has been pulled down like a tree."  Job 19:10.  He felt like his hope was gone.

But hope doesn't give up or give in!  In this day of "instant" everything, we often know little about enduring.  I heard about a man who was having some photos printed, and he was complaining that "one hour photos" was too long.

An optimist (one who has hope) sees an opportunity in every calamity.  A pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.  Sometimes we need to refocus our way of looking at things!

God goes to great lengths to teach us endurance because He knows how important it is for us.  He uses every season we're in - not only for the present situation, but to prepare for the next season.  He stretches us.  He grows us.  

I've shared before how I can see that God used each hard season in my life to teach me valuable lessons that prepared me for something that was coming a little further down the road.  I'm so grateful for that preparation.  It is proving invaluable on this current unexpected journey.

I had a conversation with Dr. Bob Pierce, founder of World Vision and Samaritan's Purse, when he was near the end of his life.  I asked him what was one of the most valuable lessons he had learned through the years.  Without hesitating, he replied, "90% of success is simply enduring!"  He said that God will help us, but we have to choose to endure through the hard times.  We can't give up.

David understood this.  In the Psalms, in the midst of difficulties, he said again and again "hope in God for I shall again praise Him."  He endured through the hard times with his eyes on God.

We can endure and keep hope alive, or we can let it die.  We can give up.  Thankfulness and worship are big keys to enduring.  That's a whole other lesson I'm learning - but so important to remember.  As we worship God, the strength and grace flows to be able to make it through.  It's another one of those "tools" that God has given us.

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along.  If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter.  He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.  He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God.  That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is working something good."  Romans 8:26-28  The Message

I've had lots of sighs, groans - lots of moments when I couldn't find the right words to pray what was in my heart.  I'm thankful God has still heard me as I've endured on this journey.

"We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized."  Hebrews 6:11

God has answers for me, for Floyd, for you - but He may ask us to endure with hope.  I'll keep trusting Him as I endure.

I feel like I've only scratched the surface of what has been going on in my heart regarding hope, but I've saved the best for last!  Hope includes encouragement!  Definitely one of my favorites.  I love encouragement - both to give it and to receive it.

Hope is all wrapped up around encouragement!  God wants us to be people of hope so we can be ministers of hope.  As we encourage one another, it builds hope.

Jeremiah 31:17 tells us "there is hope for your future!"  We need to encourage one another with that wonderful promise of hope.

I've mentioned that I love to hear Floyd preach.  I think he's one of the best. :)  It always surprised me when I'd heard him preach an awesome message, and then when we'd get home, he'd shyly ask me - "Was it okay?  How'd I do?"  It's made me realize that we all need encouragement!  

The Father even affirmed and encouraged the Son when the Spirit descended as a dove from heaven and God said "this is my Son in whom I am well pleased."

As we journey through life, we need the encouragement of one another.  God's made us that way!  It's one of the ways He wants our lives to be interwoven.  We need to keep hope alive in our own hearts so that we can pour out that encouragement to those around us.

A person can endure and survive the most horrendous of situations when they have encouragement that kindles hope.  We live in a world filled with difficulty and despair - lots of hopelessness in people's lives.  God wants to use us to encourage through hope.  Hope helps us trust and believe that there will be change for the better.

If you're practical like me, you're already wondering how to do what I'm talking about.  It's simple.  We can share words or acts of encouragement.  We can believe in people and instill faith and confidence in them.  We can reach out to those around us in times of disappointment, failure, and grief.  We can pray to get an encouraging "word" from the Lord for those in need.  We can share testimonies of God's faithfulness and goodness - that always spreads hope!  The possibilities are endless.  God will give us lots of creative ways to encourage and build hope.

It surprised me, although it shouldn't have, that in some of the very hard days when Floyd was in ICU and we didn't know if he'd make it - God allowed me to encourage some of the other families that were there with their loved ones.  A simple word of God's love and encouragement ministered hope to others who were in distress.  One time, all I did was put my arm around a wife and cry with her.  I didn't know what to say, but I told her I was sorry and prayed for her.

Hope looks for the good in people, instead of pointing out the worst.

Hope opens doors when despair is trying to close them.

Hope discovers what can be done instead of grumbling about what cannot.

Hope regards obstacles and problems as opportunities.

Hope pushes ahead when it would be easy to quit - it doesn't give up!

Hope "lights a candle" instead of "cursing the darkness."

I am so grateful that God has been stirring hope afresh in my heart.  I feel energized by all that He has been speaking into the depths of my soul.  I love Psalm 71:5 - "you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth."  He'll continue to be with me and be my hope in my "old days" too!

We can have hope in our hearts today that is:

·      rooted in Him and who He is

·      expecting Him to answer

·      growing as we spend time in prayer

·      keeping our spirits joyful

·      being patient while we wait on His answers

·      choosing to endure 

·      endeavoring to give and receive encouragement

I'm asking Him to help me keep hope alive for all the things He has in store for Floyd, for me, and for our family. 

A Teaching Series on Hope - Part Three

One of my favorite things in reflecting about hope is that joy is an important part of hope!  "May the God of hope fill you with all joy..." Romans 15:13.  There is joy in our hope because of who it's based on.  Our hope is not only an expectancy - it's a joyful expectancy!  Joy is a wonderful characteristic of hope.

Some people talk about their hope in the Lord like they're going to a funeral.  "My hope is in the Lord" or "I'm hoping for an answer from Him" - I've heard people say, but their face looks like they've just had the worst news in the world.  Their response would not inspire hope in my heart!

It's also not going to the other extreme and being flippant - with glib answers about people's problems.  "Just leave it to God" people may say without compassion or helpful understanding.  

And it's not having a false, "super" spirituality with all kinds of spiritual cliches.  I've been the recipient of quite a few responses on this journey.  The glum, glib, super spiritual ones that offer no true hope, and certainly none of His joy - are not helpful! 

Hope is sincere.  It is real.  It faces life's difficulties with true, Godly hope - a hope that is also filled with His joy.  "Be joyful in hope."  Romans 12:12

Hope, with joy, is grounded in knowing God and His character.  It's knowing that God is in control.  He's always faithful.  He doesn't go on strike.  He doesn't get tired.  He doesn't quit.  It's knowing we can always rejoice in who He is - through each and every situation. 

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering.  For He who has promised is faithful."  Hebrews 10:23

We have to keep our focus on Him as we stir up hope in our hearts.  If we get our eyes on circumstances, on the situation, on the problem - we'll easily lose sight of who He is.  Very quickly, worry and anxiety will rob us of our joyful hope.  If we give in to anxiety, we'll be more concerned with what's wrong around us rather than focusing on what's right in Him - that God is at work in the problems.

When I'm stirring up hope in my heart - the hope that is rooted in Him, that is expectant, that is in an attitude of prayer - I can see Him smiling at me.  He is pleased, and His pleasure brings joy to my heart too.

Through all these long months - with all the ups and downs - with the feeling of walking on a tightrope - with tears and uncertainties......deep underneath it all has been hope in Him and hope from Him.  It's knowing that He is in control, that He has plans and purposes for all we're walking through.  And, yes, it's been a joyful hope.  "The joy of the Lord" has been my strength.  His hope, filled with His joy has been my firm foundation along this unexpected journey.

I'm so grateful that joy is part of hope!  He knows how much we need that when we're going through a hard time.

This hope is not one dimensional.  It has so many layers.  One of them is that hope includes patience.  Patience is a very important characteristic of hope.  This is one that we don't get too excited about!  There are often delays to the things we're hoping and praying for.

"Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."  Romans 12:12

"Hope that is seen is not hope.  For who hopes for what he already sees.  But if we have hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."  Romans 8:24,25

Delays come.  Setbacks happen.  Prayers are unanswered.  We get impatient, discouraged, and we can give up.  We can lose heart as it talks about in 2 Corinthians 4.

Patience is the best remedy for lots of our troubles.  There's always room for hope coupled with patience in the midst of things that don't go according to plan.  There's always hope in the midst of disappointment and even despair.  No situation is too despairing, although we may need lots of patience.

I remember being a bit "concerned" when we ran out of money for the house we were leading with about 40 young people in Afghanistan.  I told Floyd at dinner that we had no money, and no food for breakfast.  I wasn't sure what I was going to do.  We'd had some guests for dinner.  As I was clearing the table that night, I found some money they had left under their plates.  We could buy food for breakfast!

Things like this have happened so many times in our lives.  One of the big lessons I've had to learn is that hope combined with patience means I need to wait to see God's provision without worrying.  SO much easier said than done - but such an important lesson to learn.

Hebrews 6:15 tells us that "after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised."

Romans 4:18 says of Abraham "in hope he believed against hope" though his body was old.  Abraham was patient.  He waited for God's timing.

I have to tell you that my sense of timing is often very different from God's!  I wouldn't have waited over 20 years for my dad to give his heart to Jesus.  I wouldn't have waited for years to see the first prostitute come to the Lord in our ministry in the Red Light District in Amsterdam.  I wouldn't have waited over 6 years for our daughter to be healed.  But God's ways are not my ways!!  He has plans and purposes that I can't see.

Patient hope is accepting a difficult situation without giving God a deadline to remove it!  God's timing is perfect.  He knows what He's doing.  We can trust Him.

I've reminded myself of all these things as we've prayed for Floyd.  I know I would do things differently. :)  But I also know that I can trust His wisdom and timing.  Whether God is going to heal Floyd or take him to heaven, I am doing my best to hope with patience.  I trust Him and look forward to His answers.

A Teaching Series On Hope - Part Two

The second thing that's been stirring in my heart these days about hope is that it involves expectation.  Hope without expectation can be just a nice feeling.  I'm realizing yet again that I need to allow the Holy Spirit to let hopeful expectation grow and rise in my heart for all He wants to do on this unexpected journey we're on.

Hope in scripture usually means a strong and confident expectation.  It's often linked with trust.  It's active, not passive.  "We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.  In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust His holy name.  May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you."  Psalm 33:20-22

Waiting with hope for me is very active.  I'm not just sitting still.  I'm praying.  I'm seeking God.  I'm asking Him for revelation on what He's doing in this season.  I'm trusting Him to act.  I'm worshipping Him for His goodness and faithfulness.  I'm "going for it" in my heart.

Hope is used many times in speaking of the results in the lives of those who had hope.  Hope is not an escape, a wish or desire - it's meant to be strong and move us forward in expectation.  "But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."  Micah 7:7

We "watch."  We "wait."  And the longer we wait, the more our hope must be filled with deep trust toward Him.  Expectant hope may not be immediately rewarded.  We always have to trust God's timetable, knowing He'll do what's best.

"Many are saying of me, "God will not deliver him."  But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.  I call out to the Lord, and He answers me from His holy mountain.  I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.  I will not fear though tens of thousands assail me on every side."  Psalm 3:2-6.  David waited, and had expectant hope.

Faith is a foundation for hope.  It's an active ingredient.  Faith believes that God can do something.  Hope is the active expectancy that He will.  They go hand-in-hand.

When I think of hope involving expectation, I have two very clear images that come into my mind.......very different ones:

1.  I see a little girl standing on tiptoe......trying to see, expecting something.  Hope is always on tiptoes!

2.  I also see a volcano.  It's rumbling deep in the earth.  Something is shaping, rising inside it.  Something is forming, planning, expecting to break through......until suddenly it bursts out of the mountain and flows everywhere.

Hope expects!  It doesn't disappoint when it's rooted in God, as I wrote of yesterday.  It keeps us going in difficult times.  It makes a hard day bearable because of the promise of a brighter tomorrow.

Our expectant hope can be weakened in the world we live in.  People tell us:  "I hope so" in a very weak way - or "don't get your hopes up."  I want to get my hopes up!  I want to believe and trust God.......and expect Him to move.

I love Psalm 71:14.  It tells us how to respond to these kinds of responses from people.  "I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more."

There are many examples of true, expectant hope in the Bible.  Three of my favorites are:

-  The three men who were thrown into the fiery furnace because they refused to bow to the king's image......they were hoping to be delivered, but said if they weren't, they'd still serve God.

-  Daniel in the lion's den.......expectantly hoping for safety, and staying true to God.  He had no fear of the lions.

-  The children of Israel as they were waiting to be delivered from Egypt.  They faced an impossible situation, the odds were against them.......and I'm sure someone said "don't get your hopes up!"  But they had high expectations.  God moved in spectacular ways on their behalf.

As a leader, I know it's very important for me to have a heart of expectant hope.  If hope leaves my heart as a leader, it won't be long before those under my leadership will follow the same path of hopelessness.  I'm responsible to God for my heart, and for how it impacts those in my spiritual care.

I know that we can lose hope.  I've lost it at times!  It can be easy to do when we face huge things we're asking God to do, and they don't happen right away.  But hopelessness isn't a terminal disease.  God can put hopeful expectation into my heart afresh if I humbly go to Him.

I don't know exactly what God has planned for Floyd's future.  As I've said before - it may be healing or it may be heaven.  But not knowing what He has planned doesn't mean I can't ask, or that I can't have expectant hope for God to move and answer prayer.  I have felt Him encouraging me to let hope rise afresh in my heart.....with lots of expectation.......because I trust Him.

Confident, expectant hope is wonderful.  But it will go nowhere without prayer.  It's like a beautiful new car without an engine.  Prayer is the powerful engine that is needed for that new car!  This is the third thing stirring in my heart about hope - how closely it's linked with prayer.

Hope is so closely interwoven with prayer that it's hard to separate the two.  Hope spurs prayer on......and prayer helps keep hope alive.  It's in the place of prayer that our sometimes weary hope can be rekindled.  If the flame of hope in my heart gets weak, then I know I need to spend time on my knees with Him.  I need to let Him stoke the dying embers of hope back into life!!

If hope is dying in my heart, I also find it good to look at why hope is being drained:  

-   It can be my own thoughts - focusing on the problem, the difficulty, the impossibility rather than focusing on who God is.  

-   It can be negative, discouraging comments from others.  

-  It can be focusing on the "what ifs" of the situation prematurely.  I find it so important to stay in the present and deal with what God is saying and doing right now.  He'll help me deal with the future when it's time. 

If my hope is being drained, I need to try and stop the leak!  We can't allow hope to die.  Prayer is the key to keep it alive.

I've heard people speak of prayer as if it's a drudgery - something that requires a great effort on our part and will leave us tired and weary.  I've often found that it's in the place of prayer that I get re-energized.  I come to prayer weary, and finish by feeling refreshed by His Spirit.

It's also in the place of prayer that we can ask God to remove unbelief from our hearts.  Unbelief will kill hope!  Unbelief drains us and keeps us from moving into all that God has for us.  Unbelief can be turned around by proclaiming who God is, and focusing on worshipping Him.  We need to ask God to remove any unbelief from our hearts before it destroys our hope.

Hope intercedes and reminds us of God's mercy.  In the place of prayer, it's hope that helps us believe for the impossible.  It's hope that says "we don't deserve this, but because of God's mercy we ask and believe.”

"But now, Lord, what do I look for?  My hope is in you."  Psalm 39:7

"Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant what I hope for."  Job 6:8

I don't understand all that God is doing on our unexpected journey, but one thing I'm sure of - He has used it to call us to prayer!  God is using our prayers in ways that only He can.  Our hope combined with our prayers is powerful.  God is doing something through it.

Hope linked with prayer is a wonderful "tool" the Lord has put in our spiritual armor.  I'm grateful for it on this journey.

A Teaching Series On Hope - Part One

It’s now been 11 months on this unexpected journey of Floyd’s illness.  When it began, I didn't expect it to last 11 days.  Then certainly not 11 weeks.  And now we're at 11 months. 

People ask me all the time where I get the "material" for the prayer updates.  Well - I get it from my life.  From my quiet times, from the Word, from things I'm reading, and from impressions to my heart.  It's all things I'm processing as I'm walking on this unexpected journey.

Many times the Lord is speaking to me about areas He's touched on in my life before.  I often go back to my notes from previous times of learning.  He seems to continually use things from previous learning seasons......and take them to a deeper level in my heart.  That's happening right now.  He's been speaking to me about hope.  The Lord is stirring my heart to keep hope alive as we continue on.

I've found a number of definitions about hope.  Here are some of my personal favorites:

·      to be confident/to trust

·      to look forward to with confidence of fulfillment

·      to expect with desire

We all have hopes.  Some are realistic.  Some are unrealistic - more dreams, wishes rather than true hope.

And we all have disappointments in some of those hopes.  Solomon, the wise king, wrote about the impact in our lives of losing hope.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life."  Proverbs 13:12

One of my favorite aspects of God's character is His faithfulness - especially that He is a faithful teacher on any area that I'm needing to learn about.  One of my favorite areas that He's taught me in is HOPE.

I've been in quite a few situations in my life where I've had to learn to persevere.  Situations where I've needed to keep going when it would have been so much easier to quit.  Scientists say persevering is a natural instinct, but I don't think that is always the case.

A key part of persevering is hope......and learning to keep it alive when things are hard.  Hope helps us persevere in difficult times.  There have been a number of very, very difficult times in my life where hope has been a key for me.

Just one that comes to my mind is when our daughter, Misha, was very sick for over 6 years.  The doctors told us at times that she might not live, but if she did, she could be severely disabled.  They told her she'd probably never marry, and she'd never have children.  The forecast the doctors gave her was very bleak.

God put hope in my heart for my daughter's future.  I felt I was to start a "hope chest" for her children, my grandchildren.  I put in some toys, some Classic Winnie the Pooh items, some clothes - especially one cute sunflower dress because Misha loved sunflowers.

Years later, I'll never forget opening a letter from Misha months after my granddaughter Kezia was born, and seeing a photo of Kezia wearing that sunflower dress!  Tears ran down my face.  We serve a God of hope!!!  Doctors are wonderful, but they aren't God.  The doctors were wrong.

We hear a lot about faith - it even sounds strong, firm, secure.  Hope sounds different somehow - softer, kind of weak.  But hope is equally as strong as faith!!  The Word has a lot to say about hope.  We'll look at a number of scriptures this week.

"Hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us."  Romans 5:5

Hope is instilled in our hearts by God through the Holy Spirit.  He wants to teach us how to keep it, maintain it, and not lose it.  There are 7 simple things about hope that I've found important to me for maintaining it and keeping it alive.

God spoke each of these things to me at different seasons in my life when I was facing something that looked impossible.  I've seen God do a number of impossible things - some small, some large.  In recent weeks I have felt stirred in my heart to pour back over my notes.  I felt God saying He has a lot more to teach me.  He wants to take the earlier lessons much deeper into my heart as I'm on this journey.  

I've been praying, pondering, searching the Word, and hungering to see what God has to say.  May I invite you on this journey with me in the next few days?  I dare say each one reading this has something that you are hoping for, trusting God for.  I'm stirred to believe that God is going to do something for each of us.

Because of who He is, we can have hope......even hope for the impossible. 

The first thing I've learned about hope is that it comes from God.  I can't have true hope apart from Him.  He is the root of hope.  Hope can't grow in our hearts unless it is coming from who He is.  

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

That's one of the reasons we can trust Him.  The hope for that trust is grounded in Him.  Thank goodness it's not grounded in us.  We're too fickle.  Without God's help, we can be blown about by every wind of adversity that comes along.  But our hope is rooted and grounded in knowing God and knowing His character.  He is a God of eternal encouragement - not just for a season, but always.

He's gone before us to prepare the way!

He's never left us, never forsaken us, never changed!

He's with us - every second, every minute, every hour, every day!

He's won over loneliness and despair, over every difficulty!  

He's conquered death and the grave.  He is victorious!

He's longing to fill our hearts with His joy and peace!

Because of all these things, and so much more, we can have hope.  In a world that is so often full of doom and gloom, full of despair - He is our sure rock, our anchor in life's storms.

"So we who have found safety with Him are greatly encouraged to hold firmly to the hope placed before us.  We have this hope as an anchor for our lives.  It is safe and secure."  Hebrews 6:18,19

Eleven months ago my life took a very unexpected turn.  And in the months afterwards, my life has had so many twists and turns that I almost feel dizzy.  I keep saying that "I trust Him."  And I do!  But the only reason I can trust Him is because of the hope He has placed in my heart that is rooted in who He is.

"My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him."  Psalm 62:5

In hard times, like these last 11 months in my life, there is no middle ground.  My only hope is to press into Him - knowing it's a safe place to be.  My trust is based on a God who sees and knows everything.  A God who can do anything.  A God who holds our lives in His hands, and has a "future and a hope" for us.

I trust Him because of the hope He's put in my heart that comes from Him.  I've simply opened the door wide to invite Him in.

His Unending Supply

These past few weeks Floyd has had more days of being quiet and relaxed.  He has had times of really responding to the things I am saying and telling him about.  On some visits though, he has been very solemn and distracted.  I sensed that his distraction was sadness.  I am praying for encouragement for him and comfort for his heart.  Reminding him how much Jesus loves him, how faithful Jesus is, and how worthy He is of what we are walking through.

I am praying for grace for him to endure the suffering he's in and fresh courage for him.

Suffering, our Gethsemanes, are hard places.  They are times of anguish in our souls, but good awaits on the other side.  And Christ Himself will be guiding us and telling us the way to walk.  I'm praying for this for Floyd.

"On that day it will be said, 'Look, this is our God; we have waited for Him, and He has saved us.  This is the Lord; we have waited for Him. Let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation.' "  Isaiah 25:9

"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He.  I am He who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."  Isaiah 46:4

We wait for Him to save us with His plans for us!  I love him, trust Him, and know He is faithful.

I've been listening to one of Floyd's sermons - "Trusting God for the Impossible."  It's lovely to hear his voice, and I'm being challenged by his message.

In the message, he talks about "God Room."  God Room is when we get to the end of ourselves - to the end of all our talents and abilities......and it's not enough to accomplish what God has put before us.  At the end of ourselves, we step into God Room - where we are totally reliant on Him. If we're to accomplish the "impossible" that is in front of us, we need God to come through.

Floyd says if our faith doesn't grow, it dies.  Yesterday's faith is not enough for today.  We can't live on yesterday's challenges, and yesterday's successes.  We have to live by the word of the Lord, and by the new challenges He puts before us.

I'm certainly living in "God Room."  I can't survive on this journey without Him.  And I definitely can't see Floyd improve without God's miraculous intervention.  It's a bit of a scary place to be, but it's also "safe" because I'm not alone.  Jesus never leaves my side.

"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' "  Matthew 19:26

"I am the Lord, the God of all mankind.  Is anything too hard for me?"  Jeremiah 32:27

Across the street from us, our neighbor has a gorgeous tree that has been a brilliant orange/red for weeks.  All of Dec. it was so vivid.  As I would look out at it each day, it almost took my breath away because of the bright colors.  It's slowly fading, but still very lovely.  I'm kinda sad to see the vivid brightness go.

It triggered my thinking about how grateful I am that God's "supply" to meet my needs is never depleted.  It never fades.  It never stops or finishes.  It's unending.

The strength I need.  The grace I need.  The wisdom - the comfort - the provision - the friendship - the health - the guidance........the list is endless, and so is His supply!!

"My grace is sufficient for you....."  2 Corinthians 12:9

"My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:19

"God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."  2 Corinthians 9:8

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.  For every one that asks, receives; and he that seeks, finds; and to him that knocks it shall be opened."  Matthew 7:7

"Your Father knows what you need before you ask."  Matthew 6:8

The Word is so clear about His provision being abundant and sufficient to meet our every need.  The hand of God's provision is always open to us. His resources are ready to meet our needs.  We don't have to be anxious about the supply ever running out.  (Philippians 4:6)

He may get tired of hearing from me, but I ask Him continually to help me and meet my needs.  He's always met me out of his sufficient, abundant supply.  I couldn't make it without His help.  He's so faithful!!